JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall … and is a non-title FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE match! Introducing first…”
(CUEUP: ‘When Worlds Collide’ by Powerman 5000. John Doe comes through the curtain with Brandon Jacobs and Carlee Marx.)
JACOBS: “Being led to the ring by Brandon Jacobs and Carlee Marx …. He stands 6’1 and weighs in at 210 pounds … JOHN DOE!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe is at a huge disadvantage here height and weight wise .. but that hasn’t stopped him in the past, and I doubt that’ll stop him tonight!”
(CUEUP: ‘You Could Be Mine’ by Guns n’ Roses. The crowd explodes when Chaos enters the Stadium with the P©X Title on his shoulder.)
JACOBS: “And his opponent … hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada… he is the current PRODIGY© CLASSIC XTREME CHAMPION ……….. CHAOS!!!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: “Look at that man. Seven feet tall. 305 pounds… he is a former Television Champion … and he went through hell and back to become the P©X Champion.”
JULIUS: “He’s a bad motherfucker alright.”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos is standing in the middle of the ring as he looks over at John Doe.. Doe is taking his time stretching in the corner.”
JIVE: “This is going to be an intense match, Gheorghe… you don’t want him pulling a hamstring or anything!”
GHEORGHE: “I guess that’s true… but it looks like Doe is ready to go as he slowly comes out of the corner.. Chaos now playing with John Doe as he puts his hand high in the air for a test of strength.”
JULIUS: “I don’t think Doe could reach his hand even if he jumped.”
GHEORGHE: “Doe responds by running up and working on the midsection of Chaos with some stiff punches … but Chaos places his hands on his hips and smiles … AND CHAOS PUSHES DOE BY THE HEAD AND DOE FALLS TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “And I think I see a tombstone in Doe’s near future.”
GHEORGHE: “Doe gets back up and comes at Chaos again …. And this time Chaos side steps him and grabs him by the head and yanks him to the mat! Chaos now bends down to pick him up … but John Doe scampers out of the way and goes behind Chaos ….. Doe with some quick kicks to the back of the knee of Chaos … and Chaos is on one knee!”
JULIUS: “Take out the big man’s legs … the strategy of every smart wrestler.”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos on one knee and Doe comes around front …. John Doe with a standing dropkick … and Chaos is wobbling! John Doe back to his feet …. He bounces off the ropes and comes back at Chaos …. AND HE HITS A FLYING FOREARM! CHAOS GOES TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever seen Chaos be taken off his feet!”
GHEORGHE: “Doe hops on top of Chaos … and he is driving those right fists into the head of the champion. Doe with one after another after another … but Chaos sends him flying with ease! Chaos now getting to his feet as John Doe comes back after him … CHAOS STOPS HIM IN HIS TRACKS! Chaos has John Doe by the throat!!!”
JIVE: “Doe is about to take a ride!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe hoisted high into the ai… DOE RAKES CHAOS’ EYES! Chaos drops John Doe back on his feet … and John Doe goes back to working the back of Chaos’ knee! Doe against the ropes … and he CLOTHESLINES THE BACK OF CHAOS’ KNEE AND CHAOS GOES DOWN!”
JULIUS: “John Doe has taken Chaos off his feet twice now … you know he’s a dead man now.”
GHEORGHE: “Doe places his boot on the forehead of Chaos … and he rakes it to the mat… Doe now bounces off the ropes … and he drops the elbow into the sternum of the champion!”
JULIUS: “Doe’s a spunky little guy … he’ll be missed I’m sure.”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe now walking over to the ropes … and he’s taunting the crowd?!”
JIVE: “You’d think he’d be trying to amputate Chaos’ legs right now so he’d have some sort of advantage … but as I’ve always said .. he’s got a cashew for a brain.”
GHEORGHE: “While John Doe is yelling at some five year old in the front row, Chaos has been getting to his feet …. And now Chaos is walking over to Doe …. AND CHAOS JUST DUMPED JOHN DOE OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE ARENA FLOOR!”
JULIUS: “He landed on his head!”
JIVE: “Maybe that’ll knock some sense into the sucker.”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos steps over the top rope .. and he’s down on the arena floor with Doe! John Doe gets to his feet … but he’s not in time to stop Chaos from placing a boot right into his mouth! Doe hits the arena floor hard … and now Chaos grabs a chair!”
(SFX: Fans pop huge.)
GHEORGHE: “Fans showing their approval as they remember the huge pile of chairs that Chaos was attacked with …. AND CHAOS WITH A HUGE SWING MISSED JOHN DOE ON THE ARENA FLOOR AS HE ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY! Chaos drops the chair as the vibrations go through his bones …… AND DOE NOW TRYING TO RUN AWAY!”
JIVE: “Best thing he’s done tonight.”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe has gone around the ring .. and he’s heading up the rampway!”
JULIUS: “If he can lure Chaos into the back area, maybe Jonathan Marx will be there to make this a four on one like they did with the Masked Man earlier .. except, of course, that this time it’ll work.”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos now sees Doe running up the ramp .. and he’s in pursuit. John Doe has just run behind the curtain … and off we go!”
JIVE: “NOT SO FAST!”
GHEORGHE: “As Chaos pulled the curtain back to go backstage .. John Doe was waiting … AND HE NAILED HIM WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER! Chaos is lying on the top of the rampway and John Doe covers! ONE …….. TW—BUT CHAOS WITH A HUGE KICKOUT!”
JIVE: “He practically threw him off the ramp!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe back to his feet .. and now he’s got a head full of Chaos’ hair as he drags him backstage .. and ladies and gentlemen, we are going inside Memorial Stadium!”
(CUTTO: A white hallway. We see random objects and rooms to either side.)
GHEORGHE: “John Doe has Chaos .. AND HE IRISH WHIPS HIM RIGHT INTO THE CONCRETE WALL! Doe looks around … and he grabs a metal trash can …. AND WALLOPS CHAOS RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH IT! Chaos is now busted open thanks to the wall, the steel can, and the fire extinguisher!”
JIVE: “I hope Chaos isn’t covered under our health insurance .. I don’t need my rates going up because of him!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe now places the trash can on the head of Chaos .. and he’s looking around … no… he found a broom! John Doe winds up …. AND HE SWINGS THE BROOM RIGHT INTO THE TRASHCAN! Chaos stumbles back and forth … and he drops down to the floor as Doe swung again .. and John Doe hits the wall with the broomstick and it shatters!”
JULIUS: “I’d hate to be John Doe right now .. that had to have killed his hands.”
GHEORGHE: “I think there are more pressing matters than his hands right now … as Chaos has taken that trash can off his head … John Doe comes in after him .. but Chaos grabs on to his tights .. and yanks him face first into the wall! Chaos now getting back to his feet …. He grabs Doe by the head … AND HE IRISH WHIPS HIM INTO A BUNCH OF FOLDED UP CHAIRS! Doe hits the stack of chairs and drops like a ton of bricks!”
JIVE: “Chaos looks like he’s about to explode … I don’t think he took much liking to having his head bashed with a broomstick.”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos grabs John Doe … and now he’s bringing him further into the backstage area … and they are heading towards … I don’t even know where they’re going!”
JULIUS: “And by the looks of it, neither does Chaos … he’s stopping to look at directions!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos looking at the directory … and in the process John Doe hits him with a low blow! Chaos is doubled over … and John Doe grabs him by the head … AND TOSSES HIM THROUGH THE DOUBLE DOORS! Doe follows in after him … AND THEY’RE IN THE KITCHEN!”
JIVE: “Do you think they can grab me something? Should I send an intern?”
GHEORGHE: “Come on! John Doe .. Doe has gone over to some frying pans … JOHN DOE SLAMS THE FRYING PAN RIGHT INTO THE HEAD OF CHAOS! Chaos goes down! John Doe with the cover … ONE ……. TWO ………….. AND CHAOS SOMEHOW KICKS OUT!”
JULIUS: “That man is a beast, I tell you!”
GHEORGHE: “The cooks in the kitchen are scattering left and right …. Doe brings Chaos back to his feet … AND HE SEES A BOILING POT OF WATER ON THE STOVE!! John Doe drops Chaos … and HE GOES AND PUTS ON SOME COOKING GLOVES!! JOHN DOE HAS A HOLD OF THE POT OF BOILING WATER …. CHAOS TURNS …………. OH MY GOD!”
JIVE: “Chaos is the luckiest man on Earth!!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos SLIPPED on some sauce on the floor and crashed down just as Doe tossed the boiling water in that direction … and luckily … all of it missed Chaos!”
JIVE: “I don’t think John Doe is going to give up that easy!”
GHEORGHE: “Oh God … John Doe brings Chaos back to his feet … and now he’s bringing him over to the stove …. AND JOHN DOE IS GOING TO SMASH THE FACE OF CHAOS INTO THE BURNING COILS OF THE STOVE! NOOOOOO!! Chaos blocks!! Doe tries again …. BUT CHAOS BLOCKS AGAIN……. AND CHAOS WITH AN ELBOW TO THE GUT …………………… OH GOD!”
JULIUS: “Chaos just rammed John Doe’s face into the coil!”
JIVE: “I hope he’s not too burnt!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos reverses the attempt .. and John Doe’s cheek is looking a bit rosy now as he rolls on the floor and howls in pain.”
JULIUS: “Three … two … one …”
JIVE: “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
JULIUS: “Right on cue…”
JIVE: “Huh?”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos now brings John Doe to his feet … and THANKFULLY takes him out of the kitchen before any more damage can be done to either competitor…”
JIVE: “Any more damage? This is a Falls Count Anywhere match … it’s not like they’re heading out of the kitchen into a nice padded room or anything, Gheorghe…”
JULIUS: “Although, I wonder if we can manage getting you from out of this announce area into a padded room…”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos now dragging John Doe by the hair … now he picks him up …. AND HE ROCKET TOSSES HIM THROUGH A DOOR!! Chaos runs in …. And … and .. THEY’RE IN A LOCKERROOM!”
JIVE: “Oh No .. last time this happened all my stuff was damaged!”
GHEORGHE: “Calm down, Nick .. its not your room. Chaos now brings John Doe to his feet … and he hits him in the top of the head with an elbow … Chaos now tosses Doe over the bench and onto the floor!!”
JULIUS: “Whoever’s lockerroom this is .. they’re going to have a nice surprise when they come back!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos now hops over the bench … AND HE GETS KICKED IN THE GUT! Chaos steps back .. and comes in again … and gets another kick in the gut! Chaos now charges on in and grabs John Doe by the throat ….. AND CHAOS HOISTS JOHN DOE UP IN THE AIR!! John Doe is desperately looking to grab anything he can … Doe reaches into a locker as Chaos grabs his back … CHAOS WITH A CHOKESLAM…. NO!”
JIVE: “Are those…..”
GHEORGHE: “JOHN DOE HAS STUFFED SOME ARTICLE OF CLOTHING INTO THE MOUTH OF CHAOS …. And Chaos releases the hold! Chaos shocked … and Doe trying to catch his breath as Chaos takes the object….. wait … a … minute…”
JULIUS: “THONG!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe stuffed a thong down the throat of Chaos!”
JIVE: “Did someone set off the fire extinguisher in there… because its getting awfully hard to see…”
JULIUS: “It looks like .. steam…………..”
JIVE / JULIUS: “OH YES!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos looks around as he starts to notice the steam … and now he’s looking a bit confused…”
(SFX: A shower going…)
GHEORGHE: “WAIT A MINUTE…. Whoever’s lockeroom that is … THEY’RE IN THE SHOWER!”
JIVE / JULIUS: “OHHH YES!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos has got a devilish smile on his face now as he grabs John Doe by the hair …. AND CHAOS HAS JUST TOSSED JOHN DOE THROUGH THE BATHROOM DOOR!!!”
(SFX: A woman screaming!)
JIVE: “Hahahaaha!”
GHEORGHE: “OH MY LORD! Chaos runs in after Doe .. and … Chaos’ jaw just dropped!”
(The camera follows them in .. and in the corner, covering her top and bottom with her two arms, stands Victoria Hawke, all lathered up!)
GHEORGHE: “It’s Victoria Hawke!”
JULIUS: “As I said earlier .. I love a foreign chick with a nice rack all right!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos keeping his eyes on Victoria Hawke … and John Doe is on his knees …. AND HE WENT TO PUNCH CHAOS .. but HE caught a glimpse of Hawke and now he’s kneeling their in awe!”
HAWKE: “OUT YOU DIRTY BASTARDS! OUT!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe the first to snap back into reality as he hits Chaos in the gut … but Chaos absorbs the blow and clotheslines John Doe to the bathroom floor! Chaos now grabs Doe and sends him into the lockerroom … and he pokes his head back in at Victoria Hawke … and winks at her!”
JULIUS: “Even in the midst of battle he macks the ladies … that’s a champion!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos out in the main room now … he grabs John Doe … and drives an elbow into his back! Chaos with an irish whip …. AND HE SENDS DOE FLYING INTO ONE OF THE LOCKERS!”
JIVE: “He almost knocked the locker right over with impact!”
GHEORGHE: “Doe resting against the locker … Chaos comes in…”
(SFX: A door slamming.)
GHEORGHE: “Victoria Hawke slams the bathroom door .. and she practically caused Chaos to have a heart attack as he spins around ready to attack!”
JULIUS: “I think Hawke has had enough of Chaos and John Doe…”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos turns and charges in at Doe ………. BUT JOHN DOE MOVES OUT OF THE WAY AND CHAOS RUNS FULL FORCE INTO THE LOCKER! Chaos falls to the ground ….”
JIVE: “Timmmmmmmmmber!”
GHEORGHE: “OH MY GOD! THE LOCKER JUST TOPPLED RIGHT OVER ON TOP OF CHAOS! Chaos is pinned to the floor … Chaos not moving … AND JOHN DOE …. JOHN DOE HOPS ON TOP OF THE LOCKER …. AND HE’s TELLING THE REFEREE TO COUNT!”
JULIUS: “Well, Chaos’ shoulders are pinned to the floor!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos isn’t moving .. and even if he could, I doubt he could get the locker off all by himself … the ref drops down …. ONE …………… TWO ………………… THREE!! JOHN DOE HAS DONE IT! JOHN DOE HAS WON THIS MATCH!”
(SFX: Bell rings as the crowd pops.)
JACOBS: “The winner of this match via pinfall …… JOHN DOE!!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe has won himself a title shot!”
