(CUTTO: Inside the shopping mall. Hart is handing the championship over to the referee as Marx stands before him … the fountain in the background is shooting water in the air behind all of them … giving a nice shot .. and foreshadowing, of course.)
GHEORGHE: “Both men listening to the referee explain the rules …”
JULIUS: “Which are none, Gheorghe..”
GHEORGHE: “I guess you’re right, Dean.”
JIVE: “Shawn Hart looking pretty smug if you ask me.”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart caught Marx offguard last RAUCOUS by having Marx sign the contract for the impromptu title match … and thanks to Doe and Rabesque, he was able to defeat the former World Heavyweight champion! Marx gets his chance to regain the championship .. and in the process become the first man to hold the World Heavyweight Championship on two occasions.”
JIVE: “They’re going to be tearing through that mall .. and you can see that the mall’s been closed … but all the stores are open and lit.”
GHEORGHE: “They have free reign to do whatever they need to do to win this match.. and the referee is finally parting .. and the only thing he can do now is make the counts, guys.”
JULIUS: “Let the havoc commence!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx not wasting any time as the referee steps back … and he comes in with a knee to the midsection! Marx now with a double axehandle sending Hart to his knees …. And Marx with another knee .. this time to the face of the World Heavyweight champion!”
JIVE: “You know that Marx did NOT take kindly to being swindled out of the championship … he’s going to send Hart home in a shopping bag.”
JULIUS: “A shopping bag?”
JIVE: “I was going to say body bag .. but I thought shopping bag seemed more fitting.”
JULIUS: “You need to lay off the liquor.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx grabbing Hart by the legs … and he is dragging him across the floor of the mall! Hart trying to grab onto anything to stop Marx from dragging him … and he does! Hart has a hold on a leg of one of the tables in the main lobby … and Marx is stopped!”
JULIUS: “Jonathan Marx looked to be taking Hart into one of the major department stores here in Santiago .. the Macy’s of the Santiago, if you will.”
GHEORGHE: “Well Hart stopped that .. and now Marx trying to pull Hart’s grasp off the leg of the table.. BUT HART KICKS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH HIS FREE LEG! Jonathan Marx takes a few steps back .. and now Shawn Hart is getting to his feet!”
JIVE: “And he has just picked up one of those metal chairs!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart raises the chair above his head and comes at Marx … BUT MARX WITH A KICK TO THE GUT! Hart drops the chair behind him .. and it lands on its feet! Hart stands straight .. AND MARX WITH A DROPKICK SENDS HART FLYING BACK … AND HART GOES RIGHT INTO THE CHAIR BEFORE IT TUMBLES BACKWARDS!”
JULIUS: “You have to realize .. that they’re in a mall .. that’s concrete flooring.. there’s no protective padding over it like on the arena floor here.”
GHEORGHE: “Hart could have conked himself out … but he is moving … Jonathan Marx not giving him an inch of wiggle room as he yanks him up … AND JONATHAN MARX SCOOPS UP HART AND BODYSLAMS HIM ONTO THE TABLE!”
JIVE: “Those are metal tables … sure they look soft because of the flimsy layer of plastic over it .. but that’s metal underneath.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx … he drops the elbow on the throat of Hart and Hart falls off the table.”
JULIUS: “It might be metal, but there would have been no way it would have held the weight of both men. Marx was smart not to go up w/ Hart.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx kicking Hart while he’s on the ground .. but the World Heavyweight champion still trying to get to his feet.”
JIVE: “Hart can’t let Marx work him over too badly in the early goings of this match or else he’ll find himself without the championship real fast.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx grabs the leg of Hart again .. and he starts dragging him! Marx .. Marx is heading down the hallway and Hart is trying to grab onto the stands in the middle…”
JULIUS: “He just did … and what a great cart to get … one full of umbrellas!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart grabs an umbrella … and Marx now turns … AND SHAWN HART JAMS THE UMBRELLA END RIGHT INTO THE THROAT OF JONATHAN MARX!”
JIVE: “Marx had no clue what Hart was up to .. only that Hart wasn’t budging anymore!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx holding his throat as Hart gets back to his feet with the umbrella in hand … AND HART USES IT TO SMASH OVER THE HEAD OF MARX! Marx stumbles backwards … AND HART WITH A CLOTHESLINE SENDS MARX TO THE GROUND!”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx was wrestling this match the way a World Heavyweight Championship match should be wrestled … and Hart goes and degrades it by using a foreign object! This is why Marx needs to be champion .. to bring the Second Golden Age of Wrestling ..”
GHEORGHE: “This is a FAO Schwartz match, Nick .. anything goes! Hart grabs Marx by the hair …. BY GOD HE JUST TOSSED HIM BY THE HAIR INTO THE CART WITH THE UMBRELLAS! Marx goes over and to the floor on the other side .. and knocks the cart over with him!”
JULIUS: “To think that this is a two story mall .. and that these two are just starting to scratch the surface …. Makes me giddy inside.”
GHEORGHE: “Hart now grabbing Marx … Marx to his feet .. and Hart slams his head into the wall! Marx bounces back and stumbles on some umbrellas rolling across the floor … AND HART CLOTHESLINES HIM DOWN! Shawn Hart … he’s hooking the legs … could we see a submission attempt?”
JIVE: “I don’t think that’s what is on Hart’s mind ..”
GHEORGHE: “AND IT ISN’T! Hart just catapulted Marx right into the wall!”
JULIUS: “Hey, Marx should be happy .. if it was a few feet to the right .. he would have been going through the glass display window.”
JIVE: “Yea, and we know that Jonathan Marx wouldn’t be caught dead in a cheap store like GAP…. Wait??! They have GAP in Dominican Republic?!”
JULIUS: “Where do you think the clothes are made, Jive?”
GHEORGHE: “Dean!”
JULIUS: “I’m sure they’re made in very nice factories, Gheorghe .. I don’t know what you were implying that I meant.”
GHEORGHE: “The World Heavyweight champion continuing his assault on the challenger as Hart presses one of the umbrellas against Marx’s throat …. But now it seems like he’s ready to move! Hart brings Marx to his feet … AND THEY ARE GOING IN GAP!”
JIVE: “Hart better watch himself … once Jonathan Marx realizes where he is, Hart’s going to be in trouble.”
GHEORGHE: “Hart grabs the wrist of Marx and goes behind him …. AND NOW HE BRINGS MARX TO THE MANNEQUINS AND STARTS HEADBUTTING MARX’s HEAD AGAINST THE ROW OF THEM!”
JIVE: “I would say Marx fared a little better than about half of them … their heads are rolling on the ground now!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart .. Hart now grabbing a pair of women’s jeans off the table …. AND HE WHIPS MARX ACROSS THE BACK WITH THEM!”
JULIUS: “As GAP says … its all about denim!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart now wrapping the jean legs around Marx’s throat .. and he’s trying to choke him out!”
JIVE: “Poor Jonathan Marx … those are CLEARANCE rack jeans to boot!”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart looking for the referee to see if Marx will submit .. but where’s the referee?!”
JIVE: “He’s over in the corner looking at the button down collared shirts!”
JULIUS: “He can probably get them about 90% cheaper there than he could in the US!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart yells for the referee … But Marx grabs the opportunity .. AND HE FLINGS HART OVER HIS HEAD FORWARD ONTO THE DISPLAY RACK! AND SHAWN HART IS HANGING HEAD OVER HEELS!”
JIVE: “His knees caught on the top rung of the rack .. and he’s hanging upside down in shock!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx drops to his knees to get some air … AND NOW HE’s WAILING AWAY ON HART! Hart falls from the rack to the floor of the store!”
JULIUS: “Shawn Hart’s being returned to the manufacturer … defected item.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx and Shawn Hart both on the floor .. and Marx now using the folding table to get to his feet … and he stomps on Hart for good measure!”
JULIUS: “Marx looking around the store .. and he rolls his eyes… I can picture Shawn Hart as a GAP guy.”
GHEORGHE: “I would picture Hart more as Banana guy, myself.”
JULIUS: “But then again .. Jive’s a GAP guy, too.”
GHEORGHE: “Is this true, Nick?”
JULIUS: “Yea .. GAP .. Gay and Proud…”
JIVE: “That’s it .. your ass is mine, Julius.”
JULIUS: “Ohhhh no it isn’t!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx now bringing Hart to his feet … AND THEY’RE HEADING TO THE FITTING ROOMS! Jonathan Marx tries to open fitting room 1 .. but its locked! Marx grabs Hart …. AND HE RAMS HIM FULL FORCE INTO THE DOOR TO BUST IT OPEN!”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx found the keys to the fitting room … well .. one of them, at least.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx now with the head of Shawn Hart … and he places it in the doo… ooohhh no! He’s going to slam the head of Hart between the door and the wall!”
JULIUS: “AND HE DOES!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx slamming the head of the World Heavyweight champion in the fitting room door .. and now he covers! ONE …… TWO ……. THR—NOOOO!! Shawn Hart kicked out!”
JIVE: “I could have sworn it was check out time for Shawn Hart!”
JULIUS: “Oh my GOD… where the hell do you get your cheesy lines from, Jive?”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx now covering his ears…”
JIVE: “He’s been listening to some yuppie music for the past 10 minutes, Gheorghe .. you’d go crazy if you had to listen to it, too.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx grabs Hart .. AND HE PUTS HART OVER HIS SHOULDER! Jonathan Marx … he now has Hart rested across his shoulders as he makes his way out of the store!”
JULIUS: “If Marx applied some pressure, it’d be like he had a Torture Rack on Hart..”
GHEORGHE: “Marx walks out of the GAP .. and he’s heading towards the center of the hallway … AND HE SLAMS HART ON THE GROUND!”
JULIUS: “I bet that Hart wishes that he was in a wrestling ring right now ..”
GHEORGHE: “Marx grabs Hart and rips him to his feet … AND WHIPS HIM INTO THE TRASH CAN!”
JIVE: “Holy … that can must be rooted to the ground because Hart hit the metal …. And the thing didn’t budge!”
JULIUS: “Look at the fucking dent he left…”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart slumped on the ground in front of the trash can … and Jonathan Marx shrugs his shoulders as if he expected the can to tumble over with Hart’s weight .. and he drops to the ground and covers! ONE ………… TWO ………… THREE—NO!!!!!”
JIVE: “Marx almost won back his championship right there! Hart was a millisecond away from losing it..”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx now grabbing the World Heavyweight champion .. and he slams him onto the bench … Hart lying on the bench … AND MARX IS GETTING ON THE BENCH WITH HIM! Jonathan Marx now grabbing Shawn Hart …”
JIVE: “He just scooped him up .. is he going to drive him through the bench?!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx with Hart …. AND HE JUST FLUNG HART BACKWARDS WITH THE RAGDOLL!”
(SFX: CRASH!!)
GHEORGHE: “AND RIGHT THROUGH THE WINDOW OF THAT SPORTS MEMORABILIA STORE!!! MY GOD!”
JIVE: “Marx is trying to maim Hart .. I love it!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx picks himself off the ground .. and he fell pretty hard himself as he flung Hart backwards..”
JULIUS: “Who would you rather be right now, though? The man who falls to the floor .. or the one who gets tossed through a display window and is lying among the shards of glass?”
GHEORGHE: “Good point.”
JULIUS: “Naturally.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx is climbing back to his feet … and now he walks in through the front door of the sports store.”
JIVE: “Well .. that’s the way you’re SUPPOSED to enter..”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart still lying in the middle of the store.. and Jonathan Marx is looking around..”
JULIUS: “There’s plenty of things to use in there.”
GHEORGHE: “And Jonathan Marx quickly over … and .. HE GRABS A BASEBALL BAT!”
JIVE: “If there’s one thing Dominican’s love .. its baseball! Jonathan Marx is going to show him his stuff!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx yanks the bat out of the bin .. and he’s coming towards Hart with it..”
JIVE: ‘Hart’s still on the ground .. he might be out.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx raises the bat over his head .. AND HE BRINGS IT DOWN!”
JULIUS: “NO!”
GHEORGHE: “SHAWN HART DECIDES TO PLAY BALL … AND HE TOSSES A BASEBALL RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF JONATHAN MARX!”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx was just hit by the pitch .. doesn’t he take the championship now?”
GHEORGHE: “That’s a base .. and only in baseball! Marx fell flat on his ass … and he’s holding his nose! I think he might be busted open!”
JULIUS: “He could have a busted nose .. a loosened tooth .. Shawn Hart didn’t just lob it at Marx… he threw it with all the strength he had in him .. and it was a damn good shot, too.”
GHEORGHE: “And Marx is busted open! Marx bleeding from the nose as he sits up .. and Shawn Hart is trying to get up! Hart is bleeding from some cuts on his back ..”
JIVE: “He did go through the window back first, Gheorghe..”
GHEORGHE: “Marx trying to get to his feet before Hart does .. but Hart manages to get up first! Even after all the damage taken in this match .. the World Heavyweight champion is on his feet!”
JIVE: “And he’s got a tennis racquet!”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart …. HE JUST BROUGH THE RACQUET OVER THE HEAD OF MARX … and the STRINGS BROKE!”
JULIUS: “Thankfully he was using a racquet with an oversized head!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx falls back to the floor .. and Shawn Hart with the cover! ONE ………. TWO ………. TH—NOO!! Jonathan Marx still alert enough to get out!”
JIVE: “Wait a minute .. what is Hart doing?!”
GHEORGHE: “Oh my .. Hart is setting up that automatic ball machine for tennis balls … and he is ripping cans open and dumping balls in! He’s got it aimed right at Jonathan Marx!”
JULIUS: “I hope Marx is good with anaerobic work outs!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart continuing to dump tennis balls into the automatic machine .. AND HE TURNS IT ON AS MARX GETS TO HIS FEET!”
JIVE: “Ready .. aim .. FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!”
GHEORGHE: “MARX IS A SITTING DUCK! He is getting nailed with tennis balls coming at him … AND LOOK AT THE WELTS THEY’RE LEAVING!”
JULIUS: “Those balls are coming at him at 50 miles per hour … and this is close combat!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart now adjusting the pipe … AND MARX NAILED IN THE FACE! Marx goes down as the last few balls fly out and go into the main hallway of the mall!”
JIVE: “I’d say it was 40-Love, Hart…”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx laid out .. and Hart not going for the cover!”
JULIUS: “He just went for the clothes rack .. and now he’s looking at NFL jerseys?”
GHEORGHE: “Hart flipping through .. and he rips one off the hanger!”
JIVE: “Ha, ha!”
GHEORGHE: “HE’S GOT A NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS TOM BRADY JERSEY IN HIS HAND!”
JULIUS: “If he’s doing what I think he’s going to do .. Marx is NOT going to be happy …”
GHEORGHE: “Hart walking over … AND HE IS PUTTING THE BRADY JERSEY ON MARX!!”
JULIUS: “Marx is from New Jersey .. and with the Pats playing the Jets this weekend .. well, I think its safe to say that he WON’T be rooting for Brady..”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart now grabbing Marx .. AND HE FLINGS HIM OVER HIS SHOULDER! Marx being carried out over the shoulder of Shawn Hart .. and they’re heading towards a main part of the mall … AND HART JUST FLAPJACKED MARX ONTO THE FLOOR! Now he makes the cover! ONE ……… TWO ………… THREE!!”
JIVE: “MARX KICKED OUT!”
GHEORGHE: “After having his head slammed into the floor because of the flapjack, Jonathan Marx STILL out of the pin! Amazing! Marx showing incredible fortitude… and now Shawn Hart is looking…. Uh… oh…”
JULIUS: “Christmas was a week ago .. and yet they still have a Winter Wonderland set up?”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart with a smile on his face as he looks over at the Santa setup … AND NOW HE GRABS ONTO THE FOOT OF MARX AND DRAGS HIM TOWARDS IT!”
JULIUS: “Maybe Hart wants to take a picture with Marx…”
GHEORGHE: “Hart walking to the white picket fence .. and he grabs the other leg of Marx …. AND HE IS STARTING TO SPIN AROUND!”
JIVE: “Marx is beginning to come off the ground .. this can’t be good!”
GHEORGHE: “HART GOING AROUND AND AROUND ……… AND HE LETS GO OF MARX!”
(SFX: CRASH!!!)
GHEORGHE: “AND MARX GOES FLYING THROUGH THE WHITE PICKET FENCE AND LANDS IN THE … FAKE GRASS!”
JIVE: “Hart landed on his ass! He just tried getting to his feet … but he can’t walk in a straight line!”
JULIUS: “Its like watching Jive trying to walk up the rampway once RAUCOUS goes off the air.”
GHEORGHE: “Hart is still stumbling .. and he meets Jonathan Marx as Marx gets to his feet! Hart swings wildly .. but he misses! AND JONATHAN MARX CONNECTS WITH A HEADBUTT! Hart falls backwards..”
(SFX: A loud clunking noise.. all of a sudden, a bell goes off…)
JULIUS: “Hart just fell right into the conductor switch… and that kiddie size train is starting to move!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart jumps up looking like he just saw a ghost .. and the train whizzes by him!”
JIVE: “He knocked it into Problem Child 2 mode..”
GHEORGHE: “Hart comes back .. AND MARX CHARGES!”
JIVE: “But Hart puts up the boot!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx hits the boot of Hart and falls backwards .. AND HE JUST FELL RIGHT INTO ONE OF THE TRAIN SEATS AS IT WAS PASSING HIM BY!”
JULIUS: “Marx just got whisked away by the train .. and Hart can’t believe his eyes!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx out of sight now .. and Hart is scratching his head..”
(SFX: CHOO! CHOO!)
GHEORGHE: “JONATHAN MARX IS NOW SITTING ON THE FRONT CAR AND HE PULLS THE HORN! HART TURNS ………. AND MARX FLIES OFF AND NAILS THE CROSS BODY!!! ONE ……….. TWO ………. THREE!!!!”
