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AGGRESSION 26: St. Louis, MO - 9/22/06

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Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.

CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Adam Benjamin.
CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.
CUT TO: Steven Shane standing victorious in the ring.
CUT TO: JA delivering the Karelin Driver to Ron Artest
CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.
CUT TO: Joey Melton, mugging for the crowd.
CUT TO: Boogie Smallz lighting up a blunt.
CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Beast.
CUT TO: JA and Shawn Hart locking up in the middle of the ring.
CUT TO: Troy Windham, mugging with the Entourage.
CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera. CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]

[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol.]

[We cut to the broadcast booth where Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews sit.]

DT: Welcome to the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, Missouri and Empire Pro Wrestling’s Aggression 26!! I’m your host Dave Thomas and alongside me as always are the one and only Dean Matthews and of course….Mike Neely!!

DM: Big night tonight, Dave as we continue on our way to Wrestleverse II. Three titles are on the line including the World Championship!

DT: Indeed they are!! Let’s go up to the ring to Tony Fatora and get this thing underway!!


The Sergeant vs. James Irish

TF: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!!!

[Crowd cheers]

TF: Introducing first…

[CUE UP: “We Right Here” by DMX]

TF: From Springfield, Missouri, weighing in at 201 pounds…THE SERGEANT!!!! His opponent…

[CUE UP: “I’ll Drink to You” by Duke Jupiter]

TF: From Fredonia, New York, he weighs in at 245 pounds. Accompanied by Erin Flanagan…JAMES IRISH!!!!

[SFX: Bell rings]

DT: Aaaaaaand, they’re off!

MN: Dude, this isn’t a horse race. Chill

DT: They circle, and lock up…and James Irish just shoves Sarge away! Sarge wants another lock up, and again Irish just blows him off.

DM: Apparently the Clown Prince doesn’t even want to recognize Sarge as a real opponent.

DT: Sergeant up again, wants to lock up again…NO! James finally bit on one, and Sarge blasted him in the jaw with an uppercut, sending Irish twirling into the corner! Irish turns around, straight right hand from Sarge, and another, and another! Off the ropes comes Sarge…cross body! The pin…


Quick kickout!

DM: I think Jimmy’ll pay a bit more attention to Sarge now.

MN: Yeah. What he said.

DM: Is that all you can come up with, Neely?

DT: Absolutely.

MN: What he said.

DT: The Sergeant goes straight back on the attack, another punch…irish whip…Dropkick! Down goes James Irish! Up he comes…BIG HIGH DROPKICK by the Sarge! Irish gets up again…Sarge with the third kick…NO!!! James slid to the mat, and the Sergeant just did a really awkward belly flop onto the canvas!

MN: He looked like you did as a ten year old kid at the pool, Davey.

DT: For your information, I was a certified lifeguard.

DM: If anything, you were the one begging mommy to watch you do the backflip and getting all welted up in the end, Neelster.

MN: Nuh uh!

DM: Why?

MN: I don’t know how to swim.

DT: Sarge is stinging from that one, and James gives him no time to recover! Forearm to the head, knee to his already reddened stomach…and a big running kneelift knocks the soldier to his back!

DM: Pardon the pun, but the Clown Prince is making a laugher out of this one.

MN: Please, don’t pardon the pun. I hate puns!

DT: Sarge pulls himself up…boot to the abdomen by James Irish…and a snap suplex! Lateral press…quick kickout by The Sergeant! Irish off the ropes…FLYING CLOTHESLINE! James measures him up…misses the elbow! Sarge rolled away just in time!

DM: And with James down, Sarge is taking some personal time…with Erin?

MN: That’s a little odd, but they seem to enjoy each others company.

DM: Well, there’s one guy who doesn’t.

MN: And who might that be?

DM: Uhhhhh…James Irish?

MN: Oh. That guy.

DM: Yeah.

MN: The guy who’s…

DT: Rolling up the Sarge from behind! Schoolboy pin…



NO! The Sergeant took a little TOO much time to fraternize with Erin Flanagan and ALMOST paid for it! Sarge springs up, but Irish hits him with a rough forearm across the chest. Whip off the ropes…TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!!! Pulls him up…shoulderbreaker! Sarge is down, and James Irish locks in a reclining armbar.

DM: Sergeant loves the mat-based, submission style game, and now James Irish is throwing it right back at him.

MN: Well, if you put it that way…

DT: Irish torques that arm back the wrong way, trying to pull it out of its socket. Sarge is struggling, grimacing right now, he’s trying to extend that right arm out and turn towards the ropes. Irish cranks back again…but Sarge makes a desperate roll towards the ropes and gets his hand across the bottom cord! But, that had to do some damage.

DM: Absolutely, Dave.

DT: Sarge pulls himself up, he’s favoring that left arm. Irish takes a big run…NOBODY HOME!! James wanted to clothesline Sarge over the ropes to the floor, and Sarge bailed out, and what a collision James Irish made with those hard mats on the floor!

[CUT TO: Slo-mo replay. Sarge grabs the ropes and drops down, Irish flips over and lands hard, back-first, on the floor.]

DT: Sarge sets up on the apron…two steps…FLYING ELBOW!!! Dropped the elbow right across the sternum of James Irish! Erin comes over to check on James, but Sarge is right between them to…start the friendly conversation?

DM: This is seriously, seriously weird.

MN: Yeah. Hey, did we just get moved to MyNetworkTV?

DM: Don’t think so.

DT: James is a little dazed, but he’s up, and he’s got his hands on his hips, wondering just what the hell is going on! He taps Sarge on the shoulder…Sarge turns…wicked left hand! One more! And here comes the big right! Sarge is stumbling, and James slides into the ring to break the count!

MN: Probably a good idea to not get yourself counted out.

DT: Sarge slips into the ring as well, and James is right back on the offensive. Quick rights to the chest…whips him into the corner…running back elbow! Sarge staggers out…powerslam by James Irish! Pulls him up, puts Sarge over his shoulder…running start…SARGE SLIPS OUT! James spins around…SPINNING HEEL KICK FROM THE SERGEANT!! Sarge pounds the mat…slips behind James Irish…German Suplex with a bridge!



THREEEENOOOO!!!!! James Irish gets the shoulder up!

DM: Sarge is as technically sound as anyone out there, that was a textbook German suplex right there.

DT: Both men to their feet, Sarge locks up Irish. Whips him...cuts it off with a VICIOUS short-arm clothesline! Nearly took his head off with that one!

MN: Eensy-weensy bit of over-exaggeration their, Thomas.

DM: “Eensy-weensy”?

MN: Yeah, *****!

DM/DT: Child.

MN: **pouts**

DT: The Sergeant is on a roll right now! Measures up the rising James Irish…clips the knee! Off the ropes…facecrusher!

DM: Momentum, momentum, momentum. It’s all in Sarge’s corner right now.

DT: James Irish is in big trouble right now. Sarge pulls him up by the neck…locks him up…S-T-O!!!! Slams him to the mat!

MN: And Sarge wants to put this one away now! Not only that, he wants to make the Clown Prince squeal!

DT: Sarge is waiting for Irish to rise. He stalks around…up comes Irish…hooks the head…CORRECTIVE TRAINING!!!! He’s got it locked…NO!!!! James stumbled straight backwards and dropped the Sergeant onto the turnbuckles!

DM: Not textbook wrestling from James Irish, but he knew exactly where he was and how to use the ring to his advantage.

DT: Irish looking to take back the momentum in this match. Corner-to-corner Irish whip…James sprints across the ring…FLYING SPLASH!!! Massive chest-to-chest impact!

MN: That would be so much better if chicks were involved.

DM: Misogynist.

MN: You know it.

DM: Yeah…me too.

DT: Sarge wobbles out of the corner…Irish catches him…SPINEBUSTER!!!! The ring shakes with the impact! He hooks the leg…



OH SO CLOSE!!!! The Sergeant just gets the right shoulder off the mat at the absolute last moment! James sets up the whip…countered by Sarge…BACK BODY DROP—NO—HE TELEGRAPHED IT!!! James Irish nailed him straight across the face with a sharp right front kick!

DM: You can not afford to make a mistake like that in a situation like this. Come on, Sarge, you’re smarter than that!

MN: Dude. Maybe he’s not.

DT: Sarge is reeling…Irish with a couple chops right across the sternum area…front facelock…up goes Sarge…SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!!! Dropped him across the ropes then back onto the mat with tremendous force! Brings him up…quick Double Arm DDT! He pins…



STILL NOT ENOUGH!!! James Irish is pulling out plenty of stops but The Sergeant will not give in! Now Irish is stalking Sarge! Sarge rises…from behind comes James…AIR CHECK—NO!!! Sarge shoved him away—QUEBRADA!!! QUEBRADA!!!! Springboard Moonsault by James Irish after missing his finisher! What a display of agility.

MN: Man, that was freaking awesome!

DT: James sets Sarge up on the top turnbuckle now, looking to do even further damage. Front facelock…SUPERPLEX—WHAT THE HELL!!!! OH MY LORD!!! SARGE SHIFTED HIS WEIGHT IN MIDAIR AND TURNED IT INTO A CROSSBODY!!!! He hooks the leg…



THREEEEEEE!!!!! The Sergeant pulls it out with a terrific show of athleticism and wins a very exciting encounter!

DM: That’s a huge, huge win for Sarge but what about that weirdness with Erin??

DT: Something to definitely keep an eye on, folks. We’ll be back right after this!!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
DT: Folks, we’re never really that shocked at anything that goes on here in Empire Pro Wrestling, but what you are about to see is one-of-a-kind.

MN: Only a man with the genius of Dan Ryan would be able to set up something like this.

DT: Folks, we are about to take you into our monitors, if you will, to join us for our next match-up.

DM: You heard right. Via satellite, from the outer reaches of Mongolia, EPW is proud to bring you Irishred versus Wong-Pei the Circus-Trained Monkey Boy!


Live from Mongolia..
Irishred vs. Wong-Pei the Circus-Trained Monkey Boy

[The scene immediately cuts to a shot of Irishred standing inside of a “ring” across from Wong-Pei. The word ring is used loosely because we’re not quite sure exactly what the structure is made of. It seems to be that of a cinderblock base with a simple sheet of plywood covering the gaps. The ropes look like they would burn to touch.]

[The main attraction is the building that the ring is inside of. What would appear to be a Mongolian farmhouse, filled with approximately 100 of the town’s closest neighbors, is the home for this showing. The wind gives a heavy blow, as the building gives the feeling of Dorothy’s house in Kansas. Finally, we pick up signal between our commentators and the video.]

DT: Well folks, an EPW-first. I’m not sure if that ring is capable of containing a wrestling match, but we’re sure as hell going to find out as the referee has called for the bell!

[Irishred walks to the middle of the ring, but Wong-Pei stays on the ropes in his corner. His trainer gives a point to Irishred and Wong-Pei gives a nod back.]

DT: Okay, it looks like Wong-Pei is ready to begin wrestling.

DM: Oh my God!

MN: I’m gonna be sick.

DT: What? Did Wong-Pei just throw what I think he did at Irishred?

DM: And it landed at Red’s feet and on his wrestling boots! I don’t believe this!

DT: Irishred is pissed now! He’s chasing after Wong-Pei!

MN: But look at the little guy go! Irishred’s giving it hell, but Wong-Pei is dancing around the ring like…

DM: A monkey?

MN: Exactly!

DT: Well, Wong-Pei finally makes a stop in the middle of the ring. That’s probably not a good idea.

DM: But now the monkey boy is holding up his hands for Irishred to stop. What’s he doing?

DT: He’s extending his hand. He wants a handshake?

DM: Look out Dave!

DT: *chuckles* Wow! Wong-Pei just climbed right up Irishred’s arm and perched himself on his shoulders, only to start picking at Red’s hair!

DM: But Red slams him down to the mat!

[MASSIVE heat.]

MN: Oh come on now! He’s just a little poo-flinging monkey boy!

DT: Well, these fans here in our arena certainly didn’t like it.

MN: But the guy in the second row with the chicken… uhh, leg looks like he’s enjoying the show live. What kind of concessions do they have in Mongolia?

DT: I’m not sure, Neels. But I don’t think Irishred cares. He pulls Wong-Pei back up and locks him in a full nelson.

MN: That’s the way to incapacitate a monkey!

DM: Black Water! Irishred just nailed Wong-Pei with that full nelson slam!

DT: Irishred is going to go for a cover here…



DM: But look at the monkey boy! He managed to stretch out those overly long arms and grab hold of the ropes. I’m not sure if that’s a Mongolian custom, but it’s an EPW rule, and apparently, we’re following them here tonight.

DT: Irishred isn’t happy after that. He stands back up and pulls Wong-Pei with him. Irishred now gets Wong-Pei in a pump handle position.

DM: Bad Company!

DT: No! Wong Pei used his monkey skills to wiggle himself around in the air and now he’s on top of Irishred’s head again picking at his hair!

MN: Irishred must not have very good grooming skills.

DT: Irishred is reaching all over the place to try and grab hold of Wong Pei, but the monkey boy is doing an amazing job of dodging Irishred’s hands everytime they come at him!

DM: Irishred is getting very frustrated here!

DT: Red finally stops swatting now. He takes off running toward the corner.

DM: 25 or 6 to 4! Irishred just leapt right up those ropes and nailed Wong Pei with that Samoan drop off the top rope! That could be it for the monkey boy!

DT: But I don’t think Irishred is done here! He’s not going for the cover.

[Red looks directly into the camera and blows a kiss, as if to the owner of EPW.]

DT: What arrogance! I don’t believe that!

DM: I’m sure that the owner is going to have something to say about that the next time we see him.

DT: Irishred grabs Wong-Pei by the arm and now whips him HARD into the corner.

DM: And Red follows it with a big running lariat!

DT: What he going to do now? He reaches under Wong-Pei and sets him on the top rope. Red now climbing also…

DM: He calls that one the Whipping Post! HUGE piledriver from the top rope! He could have broken Wong-Pei neck there!

DT: He goes for the cover…



DM: What?!?! Irishred just pulled Wong-Pei up! Come on! It wasn’t his idea to have this match!

DT: Well, it looks like Irishred just wants to end this one on his own terms. He’s reaching down and grabbing Wong-Pei’s legs. He’s going to lock in the Freebird and end this one finally.

DM: Wait a second!

DT: That’s Steven Shane! What the hell is he doing in Mongolia? He’s got a match here tonight!

DM: I don’t know, but these two are going at it! Lefts and rights are flying everywhere as these two have developed an absolute hatred for each other!

DT: Shane gets the upperhand as he backs Irishred into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip…

DM: But Red nails him with a clothesline!

DT: Folks, we’ve just received word from the office of Dan Ryan that Mongolian rules firmly allow interference in their match-ups. That is why this match is still going on!

DM: And as it is, Irishred has just clotheslined Steven Shane out of the ring and over the top rope!

MN: And Irishred is leaning over those ropes, making sure that Shane knows who number one really is.

DT: But Red cannot forget about the task at hand. Wong-Pei is still in this match. Red needs to turn around.

DM: Oh no…

MN: He didn’t do it again.

DT: He did. And Irishred got an eyeful, if you know what I mean.

DM: And if you look closely enough, you can see through the… uhh, waste… and see the rage in Irishred’s eyes!

DT: And look at Wong-Pei bouncing all over the ring! Red charges him…

DM: But Wong-Pei ducks under his arms!

DT: That doesn’t slow Red, though! He quickly turns and gets in a kick to the back of the leg. There’s a reverse facelock.

DM: Was that what I think it was?

DT: I believe so, Dean. Irishred just nailed Wong-Pei with what looked like The West Side Connection! That’s Steven Shane’s move!

DM: He’s going for the pin…




[Cue beer throwing and booing inside the farmhouse. Irishred then stands up, arms in the air, victorious. He spits a big loogey into the crowd.]

DT: Folks, yet another EPW-first goes down in the books.

DM: Look out! Steven Shane is back for some more! Fists are flying all over the place! That Mongolian farmhouse is rocking!

DT: And now they’ve busted through the door! We only sent one camera to this show! We can’t follow them!

DM: Folks, we’ve got a battle on the verge of exploding here!

DT: Meanwhile, what are we going to do about the number one contender’s match?

MN: Who cares about that? How’s Irishred going to get the stanch out of his face?

DT: Folks, we’ve got questions that need to be answered …….stay tuned to Aggression. We’ll be right back!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
The words "Earlier Today" appear in the upper left portion of the screen and the scene fades in to the parking lot inside the arena. Lindsay Troy, bags over her shoulder and sunglasses covering her eyes, walks past various rental cars and production trailers to the back entrance. She's not fifty feet from the door when it bursts open and a platoon of St. Louis's finest spill into the parking area, dragging a cuffed Joey Melton along with them.

Lindsay lifts her sunglasses up from her face, thinking that the display is an illusion caused by the darkly-tinted Dior lenses that mask her eyes. When the group advances towards her, confirming the reality of the situation, she sprints over to the front of the pack and drops her bags.

Troy: Joey? Are you alright? What the hell happened?

Three policemen in the front line of the formation step forward, take Troy by the arms and lead her backwards a few feet. She looks at them in anger and begins to struggle against their grip.

Troy: Let go of me, *******it!

Policeman #1: Ma'am, we're going to need you to calm down.

Troy [yelling]: The hell I will! Someone tell me what the **** is going on here!

Policeman #2: We were told not to take you in, but if you continue to battle us we'll bring you along for obstruction.

The group surrounding Troy stop ten feet from the rest of their pack and she furiously yanks her arms out of their grip. They form a semi-circle in front of her, cutting her off from Melton's view.

Troy: I want an explanation. NOW.

The third policeman, who had been silent until now, pulls a folded bundle of papers from his back pocket and presented it to her. Troy angrily yanks the folds open and begins to read.

Troy: The court finds that it has jurisdiction over the parties and the subject matter, that the defendant was given proper notice and constitutes a ... ... threat to the physical safety of the plaintiffs and cause exists for the issuance of a RESTRAINING ORDER?!

Lindsay yanks the papers down from her eyes and glares at the officers in front of her.

Troy: Please tell me you're joking.

Policeman #1: I'm afraid not, ma'am.

Troy: This is absolutely insane! Who authorized this?

Policeman #2: If you look up at the top, the judge is...

Troy: I don't want to ****ing look up at the top! This is nuts. Completely nuts. I want to talk to Joey.

Policeman #3: I'm afraid we can't let you do that.

Troy: I can't wait to hear this reason...

Policeman #3: You're listed as a plaintiff.

A long, silent pause hung in the air while Lindsay lets the news sink in. She looks down at the motion again and saw that she was, indeed, listed as a plaintiff.

Along with Troy Windham, August DeLaRossi and Z!

Troy [shaking her head]: This is a mistake. I never authorized myself to be put on this.

Policeman #2: You didn't have to.

He flips through the back pages and brings a piece of paper to the front.

Policeman #2: Your husband did.

Lindsay immediately drops the papers to the ground and looks at the marriage license signed by her and Troy Windham in abject horror, her hands flying upwards to her mouth.

Policeman #2: Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to finish doing our job.

He motions to the men standing next to him and to those behind him. The group proceeds through the parking lot, taking Melton along with them. He looks over at Troy, who is still staring at the ground. After they move out of earshot, Lindsay lowers her hands from her lips.

Troy: But I never signed this...

She turns to grab her bags and go after Joey and the cops when Kenny Lombardo comes running out from the building, panting and sweating.

Lombardo: Lindsay, Dan needs to see you immediately.

Troy: Yeah. I need to see him too.

She snatches the papers from the pavement and walks forward to grab her bags. She briskly walks toward the back door with Kenny jogging to keep up.

Troy: It's about this restraining order, isn't it?

Lombardo: Well yeah, but that's not all.

Troy: What else could there be?

Lombardo: It's about you wrestling in the tag title match tonight.


DT: Well folks, I’m actually quite interested in seeing how this next match turns out. We just finished seeing Steven Shane make an appearance in Mongolia, via satellite!

MN: A place where he had no business being, if I might add.

DM: Steven Shane is a stand-up guy. He’ll go wherever the boss needs him to go.

MN: I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about how he didn’t need to have his nose in Irishred’s business. Red didn’t even try to provoke anything.

DM: He’s been trying to throw matches and destroy the very company that you work for! How is that not provocation? Dan Ryan is simply trying to rid the EPW of this cancer!

MN: Whatever, Matthews.

[CUE UP: No Hype Necessary’s "Patiently Waiting"]

[Fireworks began to blast, in the shape of an X, with the loud boom commanding the fans' attention. “Triple X” Sean Stevens steps through the curtain, immediately raising his arms in the air. Trip walks down to the ring, and slides in, running to the nearest turnbuckle, raising his arms in the air. "Triiiiiiiipal Eccckkks" begins to form, as his music slowly came to an end, and he hops down, turning to face the task before him.]

DT: Well guys, Triple X was very quiet this week, but maybe he didn’t have to be. I mean, his opponent isn’t even here this week!

[As if on cue, the EPW-tron comes to life. We see EPW owner, Dan Ryan sitting behind his mahogany desk. He quickly kicks his feet down and leans into the camera in the front of his desk.]

Ryan: Hello folks. You’re probably wondering why I would allow Steven Shane to skip out on this match that obviously has so much riding on it, what with an Intercontinental Title shot on the line.

MN: I’m wondering why you would allow him to go to Mongolia! Screw this match!

Ryan: Well, the answer lies deep in the genius of yours truly.

Irishred still wants to try and make a mockery of me and my promotion, and I REALLY want to make sure that he understands that Dan Ryan is not a man that anyone wants to mess with, let alone some piece of trailer park trash like Irishred.

It is because of this that I, personally, afforded for Steven Shane to take the plane to Mongolia this week.

[HUGE pop.]

Ryan: Once Shane brought the idea to my attention this week, I told him that I would take care of any expenses he incurred. However, the problem still arose as to what we would do about the I-C title number one contender’s match.

Then, it hit me…

I gave Shane his plane ticket, enough money to cover his other expenses, told him that he would still be able to get his shot at the I-C title if things go right, and that I would take care of the other 20,000 when the time came…

[Ryan inexplicably leans back in his chair and kicks his feet back up and onto the desk without saying anything. The camera quickly cuts to the ring, where Sean Stevens is still watching the EPW-tron in awe.]

DT: Who the hell is that?

DM: German Suplex!

MN: What’s going on here? What did Dan Ryan spend 20,000 dollars on?

DM: It’s Bloodhunt! Dan Ryan’s newest acquisition!

DT: Are you kidding me? Dan Ryan has spent 20,000 dollars on Bloodhunt to take Steven Shane’s place in this number one contender’s match!

DM: Does this mean that if Bloodhunt wins this match that Steven Shane still gets the I-C title shot?


For a shot at the EPW Intercontinental Championship
If Bloodhunt wins, Steven Shane Receives EPW Television Title Shot!
Bloodhunt vs. "Triple X" Sean Stevens

DT: I’m not sure, but I think Steven Shane is hoping so, because Bloodhunt has just picked Triple X back up here and is nailing him with closed fists like a man possessed!

DM: Well, you heard his deal if you were watching EPW TV this week. One night, 20,000 dollars. That’s all it takes for his services, and he promises to come through.

DT: Well, he whips Triple X across the ring.

DM: And a HUGE spinebuster! The impact of that could have shattered Stevens’s back! Wow! What a move!

DT: This man is certainly not playing around. He intends to earn his money and make his customers come back for more. His first client here in EPW is Steven Shane, and I’m sure that Shane is loving what he’s seeing via satellite!

DM: We haven’t heard a lot about this man, but from what we can see here, he is certainly going to be a force to be reckoned with here in Empire Pro.

DT: He picks Stevens back up. Textbook European uppercuts by Bloodhunt as he backs Stevens into the corner.

DM: Big knee to the midsection there by Bloodhunt! And another!

DT: And now he climbs the turnbuckle! And he starts driving those fists into Triple X’s head!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9…


DM: Absolute fierce and stiff offense by Bloodhunt as he hops down and Triple X crashes to the mat!

DT: And he’s still not stopping! He’s not going to slow this down until Triple X can’t move and he can make the pin!

DM: He pulls Triple X back up and into a front facelock. He heaves.

DT: But Triple X blocks it! Bloodhunt pulls again.

DM: But again Triple X blocks it! Now Triple X pulls.

DT: Vertical suplex by Triple X! He just managed to turn the tables there and now Triple X has a chance to catch is breath finally!

MN: You know, I’m still not one hundred percent with everything that’s going on here. Is this even legal?

DT: I’m pretty sure whatever Dan Ryan wants to do around here is legal.

MN: And he’s the one behind all of this, right?

DT: That’s my understanding.

MN: And if this Bloodhunt wins… nevermind.

DM: Guys, Triple X is back up here and he’s pulling Bloodhunt up. Triple X locks him in a standing front facelock.

DT: Nice swinging neckbreaker there!

DM: Now it looks like Triple X is going to head to the top rope.

MN: I don’t like this. He hasn’t really put Bloodhunt away enough to try this.

DT: Well, apparently he thinks this is going to work.

DM: He’s up and he leaps…

DT: But Bloodhunt moves out of the way of that frog splash! Triple X should have listened to Neels, as bad as I hate to say it!

MN: What’s that supposed to mean?

DT: No worries, Neels. Anyway, Bloodhunt is slowly getting back to his feet as he makes his way over to the fallen Triple X.

DM: He picks him up and locks him in that front facelock again.

DT: But he hits the gourdbuster this time!

DM: And look at the look in Bloodhunt’s eyes! I am not liking the way that things are looking here for Triple X as we continue on here!

MN: This can only get uglier, Matthews.

DT: Bloodhunt is heading to the outside! What the hell is he going to do out there?

MN: Waste time! Get back in there and finish this thing off!

DT: Oh my God! He’s getting a chair! What’s he going to do with that?

DM: Apparently nothing as the referee is trying to pull it away from him!

DT: But Bloodhunt is refusing to give it up!

DM: Look out! Bloodhunt just ripped that chair away from the ref, but Triple X is back up and nails Bloodhunt with a right hand!

DT: And that chair is now lying in the middle of the ring! The ref can’t get to it because these two are fighting right over top of it!

DM: Bloodhunt swings a right hand at Triple X, but Stevens ducks the blow! He quickly locks Bloodhunt in a rear waistlock.

DT: But Bloodhunt elbows his way out of it! He quickly turns to face Triple X! There’s a boot to the midsection!

DM: DDT! DDT on the chair by Bloodhunt!

MN: Disqualification!

DT: I don’t think you can, Neels! It didn’t really look all that blatant.

DM: Bloodhunt’s making the cover!




MN: Are you kidding me?

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner… Bloodhunt!

DT: This is unreal! I don’t believe what I’ve just seen! A chair was used, but the referee didn’t call for the disqualification!

DM: AND it would appear as though Steven Shane is getting a shot at the Intercontinental Title next week!

MN: AND, this guy, this Bloodhound used a chair illegally! What kind of a show is Dan Ryan running here?

DT: I’m not sure, Neels. Folks, we’ve gotta take a break, don’t go anywhere! We’ll be right back!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
[CUT TO: What appears to be some kind of faux press conference, packed complete with the immoderate popping of flashbulbs and a denizen of busy journalists [or actors portraying journalists] pretending to engage in serious discussion about whatever catastrophic announcement is about to be made. Standing before them at a makeshift podium is SHAWN HART, with the World's Strongest Fat Guy, Tiny, in tow. As if by cue, the reporters suddenly become silent as the Muff Daddy steps to the microphone.]

HART: "Good evening. Now, I know we all have busy lives... and I don't want to take up any more of your time, my time, or any of the thousands.... nay MILLIONS watching at home, so I'll get right to it."

[He takes a deep breath. The nervous gulp that follows echoes throughout the conference room.]

HART: "It is undeniable that at least 14 people worldwide have been in a furor over my recent exploits in EPW, wondering just why it was that my performance in a recent pay-per-view match with one J.... A.... was so below the standard that I have set for myself in becoming a star in the industry, a guy who's beaten Jean Rabesque, who's beaten Doc Silver, who's beaten Lindsay Troy and Jonathan Marx and like 8,000 other A-list grapplers. It's even been purported by some that my match with JA was such a farce, such a let down by yours truly, that the only logical explanation is that I've developed some kind of chemical dependency, heinous drug habit, or disgusting addiction to male on male pornography..."

[Momentarily, the reporters whisper at each other in an inordinately loud manner. Meanwhile, Hart does his best to squeeze out some tears.]

HART: "This, my fine journalistic friends, is where the denial comes into play. Because with GOD as my witness... with a hand to my heart and a thumb up my backside, I can HONESTLY say that Shawn Jessica Hart has never and WILL never take illegal drugs or look at obscene photographs of a sexual nature."

[He shakes his head in disgust, then continues.]

HART: "I fully admit and realize that my match with JA was not what some of you were expecting, but for people to go and make such crass claims against a guy with such impeccable character, a guy with a history of countless great matches under his belt and, perhaps most importantly of all, a guy with beautiful, shimmering locks of gorgeous blonde hair, isn't just spiteful and irresponsible... but hurtful, degrading, and
just plain HATEFUL!"

[The reporters collectively lower their heads in shame.]

HART: "I mean sure, Joey Melton and I once performed oral sex acts on each other, but that was college and we were just experimenting. And as far as that match was concerned, my sister Felicia was totally PMS'ing that day, so all of my strength was devoted to nurturing her through a difficult and confusing time. Needless to say,
the whole sordid affair left me pretty drained to be rollin' around the ring with some JACKHOLE like JA. But ya know what? That's OK, because Felicia is family, and family comes first."

[He pauses to drink a whole glass of water. Not just a sip... the whole glass of water, all the while allowing his countless swallows to deafen the room over the PA. Finally, he resumes his statement.]

HART: "That's the thing here that I want everyone to know.... that SJH is a family man. The kind of man that wants to make his family proud. I now realize that in my match with JA, I didn't do that. I hurt my family. Kicked them in the nuts, spit in their cereal, and borrowed their Thompson Twins tape without asking. But ya know what? I'm gonna make it right. You bet your booty! Cuz I'm here tonight, to say to all of you from the very bottom of my broken heart that, if ever you find you're not happy with what I'm
doing or feeling like I've let you down..."

[Looooooooong pause.]

HART: "... The whole lot of you can eat my delectable derriere with a SPOON, you pompous SWINE!! I'm better than aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of you hosers!! And if the
EPW fan base or the EPW locker room wants to take issue with that, they can step right up and I'll beat them like I beat my meat to Hillary Duff flicks, baby!! Cuz I'm Shawn Jessica Hart, PhD... rockin' a jiggy degree in PHENOM-ology! The heavyweight CHAMP of Botswana, sexing your sister and ROCKIN' your MAMA; the Prime Minister of GETTIN' SINISTER, first I'll spread Troy's legs and then I'll FINISH HER, and so on and so forth! 'N starting next week on Aggression, this place is FINALLY gonna see just what that means! Think I'm joking? Try me and I'll dump on you soooo bad that your brother's dentist will smell it! Good night... and thank you for your time! The PHENOM has left the building!"


DM: Well….that was….something.

DT: Folks, we do nothing but promise you absolutely great action here in Empire Pro, and coming up next is going to be nothing short of just that.

DM: The Television Title has been here in EPW for just a short time, but it has been nothing but extreme excitement since its inception.

MN: The only excitement this title has seen was when Adam Benjamin was the holder. This Mike Evers guy does nothing but make my head hurt when I watch him.

DT: How can you say that, Neels? Mike Evers has been nothing but a spark plug here in EPW.

MN: Yeah, well, that’s your opinion.


EPW Television Championship
"Da Bomb" Mike Evers (c) vs. "PHENOMENAL" Frankie Scott

[“Phenomenon” by Thousand Foot Krutch plays over the arena speakers. A full video rolls on the huge EPW-tron of Frankie wrestling stars like Dan Ryan and the Sergeant, doing an interview and signing autographs. Fans cheer loudly as “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott runs out and stops in the middle of the runway looks back at the video and then points toward the fans as pyrotechnics blow all around him. Scott emerges from the smoke to run around the ring and shake all the fans hands. After he finishes, he hops on the ring apron and leaps over the ropes to rush to each turnbuckle for a photo opportunity for the fans.]

DT: So what’s your take on Frankie Scott then, Neels?

MN: Bout the same. His only glimmer of light was helping The Sensational One destroy Irishred on pay-per-view. Everything else screams Evers to me.

["Pass The Shirley Temple" by Dahv cues up, and the crowd cheers. Then, "Da Bomb" Mike Evers comes out of the entrance way to a good crowd reaction. Evers walks his way to the ring with a smile on his face, alongside his manager, Wisconsin Bill.]

DM: Well, regardless of what Mike Neely may think, these fans here are certainly pumped to see Mike Evers come out here tonight and put that TV Title on the line.

DT: I have to agree, Dean. And I must also say that I, too, am also ready to see this match get underway.

DM: Well, it doesn’t appear as though we’ll have to wait much longer. The ref is holding up the title and calling for the bell!


DT: Both men step to the middle of the ring here. There’s a collar and elbow. Evers gets the quick advantage as he locks Scott in a side headlock. Scott quickly fires back and presses Evers off and into the ropes…

DM: Big shoulder block by Evers! He quickly bounces off the adjacent ropes…

DT: But Scott hits the deck! Evers rebounds into the other ropes…

DM: Leap frog by Scott! Evers rebounds one more time…

DT: Big hip toss by Frankie Scott! He bounces off the ropes…

DM: And Scott goes for the rolling senton splash, but Evers moves out of the way!

DT: Evers quickly off the ropes himself, now. He rebounds…

DM: Elbow drop!

DT: Evers is going to stay right on the attack though. He reaches down and pulls Scott up to his feet. Nice forearm to the face as he backs Scott up a step. Evers reaches down…

DM: Big scoop slam! Scott quickly sits up and grabs his back…

DT: Shining Wizard by Mike Evers! He’s going for the pin here…



Kickout by Scott!

MN: Has this match ended yet?

DM: Are you kidding? This match is really high octane, Neels!

MN: It doesn’t take much to get you going, does it, Matthews?

DM: These fans seem pretty into this match also.

MN: They’re morons, Matthews. You’re supposed to be an analyst.

DM: I am. And I’m analyzing a great match here!

DT: Guys, Evers is still going at it here. He’s pulled Frankie Scott back up again. He locks Evers in a side leglock…

DM: Russian Leg Sweep! NO! Frankie Scott held onto the top rope! Evers hit the mat right on the back of his head!

DT: Scott stumbles to the other side of the ring as he tries to regain his bearings. He quickly shakes the cobwebs loose and hits the ropes…

DM: Big flying clothesline there by Scott!

DT: Evers is down and Scott is trying to take control of this match. He pulls Evers back up to his feet now. There’s a front facelock. Scott now lifts Evers into the air…

DM: Nice vertical suplex into a neckbreaker there by Scott! He’s obviously trying to wear down that neck area as he sets up Evers for that Phenom Drop of his.

DT: Scott does not stop. He quickly bounces off the ropes and now catches Evers with a nice leg drop. He quickly reaches over and hooks a leg…



Kickout by Evers!

DM: Scott is not happy with that count, but he continues.

DT: Frankie is back to his feet and he pulls Evers with him. Scott nails Evers with several well-placed knife-edge chops as he backs him into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip…

DM: And now a spinebuster from Scott! He’s really taking it to the champ here. He makes another pin…




DT: Again, Scott gives a glare to the ref, but he will continue nonetheless.

MN: Why’s this guy getting mad because he can’t wrestle? He should have already known that.

DT: I don’t think that’s why he’s upset.

MN: That would be why I was upset. Especially if I was trying to wrestle and I couldn’t.

DT: You know what? Nevermind. Scott back on the attack again. He whips Evers across the ring again…

DM: Evers ducks a clothesline! He quickly turns…

DT: Back suplex by Evers!

DM: Both men are down now and it’s a race to their feet!

DT: Evers has the edge now. He slowly rises as he catches his breath, waiting for Scott to get back up.

DM: Scott is up now.

DT: He charges at Evers, looking for a double axe handle. But Evers catches him with a kick to the midsection!

DM: DDT! Evers managed to catch Scott there! He needs to make a cover and does…




DT: Both men slowly back up again. Scott staggers toward Evers…

DM: Snap suplex!

DT: Evers is back in control here! Scott is stumbling around. He swings at Evers…

DM: But Evers ducks the blow! Reverse waistlock...

DT: German suplex into a bridge…



3-NO! Evers almost retained there!

DM: These men are really going at it here. Both are refusing to give up!

DT: Evers pulls Scott back up to his feet here. He swings a right…

DM: But Scott blocks it! He nails Evers with a right of his own! And another!

DT: Scott with a waistlock…

DM: Belly-to-belly suplex! Scott is back on the attack again!

DT: He is up and waiting for Evers to get back up. Evers stumbles to Scott, who grabs him a standing headscissors. He could be looking for the Phenom Drop…

DM: But Evers stands up, sending Scott flying with a high back body drop!

DT: Scott clinches his back and tries to stand back up. Evers makes his way to Scott and nails him with a kick to the midsection.

DM: Da Powerbomb! Evers nailed Scott with that sit-out powerbomb out of nowhere! There’s the pin…





TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner… and STILL EPW Television Champion… “Da Bomb” MIIIIIIIIIKKKKEEE EEEEEEVVVVEEERRRRRSSSS!

DT: Evers has retained here tonight on Aggression! What a match it was though!

DM: Indeed, both of these men put on one hell of a show, but it’s really a shame that one of these guys had to lose.

MN: It’s a shame these guys had to be in the ring at the same time. It almost bored me to death.

DT: Fans, pay no attention to Mike Neely. We all know that you loved these two in this match, and we can only hope to bring you even more action like this as the night goes along. Don’t go anywhere fans, we’ll be right back!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
DT: Ladies and gentlemen, watch out for this one, because we’ve got two teams that have been on absolute rolls of late, but in very different ways.

DM: The Highland Park Social Club comes in to tonight fresh off their win of the tag titles at Unleashed-

MN: -And August and Zoltan have done everything in their power to help Troy Windham put Lindsay Troy in her rightful place!

DT: Not how I would’ve put it, Neely, but basically correct nonetheless. And as was alluded to earlier tonight, Troy Windham has instructed Lindsay Troy to partner with The Entourage in this match and I’m also now being told that if she helps them win, Troy Windham will grant her the divorce she wants.

DM: That’s big, guys. It’s a good way to get out of this whole mess for the champion – and by the way, she’s got a little history with the H-P-S-C.

DT: The Entourage…The HPSC…The EPW World Tag Team Titles on the line…let’s go to Tony Fatora.

[CUT TO: Tony Fatora in the ring, mic in hand.]


EPW World Tag-Team Championship
The Highland Park Social Club (c) vs. The Entourage

TF: Th’ following contest is for one fall, and is for the EPW World Tag Team Championships! Introducing first, the challengers…

[CUE UP: “Take Me Out” Franz Ferdinand. August De La Rossi and the Mysterious Zoltan enter to MASSIVE crowd heat.]


DT: Lindsay Troy nowhere to be found…

DM: This could be interesting….

[Crowd continues to boo as “Take Me Out” fades out, to be replaced by “Don’t Worry Be Happy” Bobby McFerrin as all three members of the HPSC walk through the curtain, which does not lessen the crowd’s displeasure by much.]

TF: And their opponents, hailing from Highland Park, Illinois and weighing in at a combined weight of 474 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Richard Farnswirth, they are the REIGNING and DEFENDING EPW World Tag Team Champions…CHIP FRIENDLY…SLAMBO THE CLOWN…THE HIGHLAND PARK SOOOOOOOOOOCIIIIIIIIAAAALLLL CLUB!!!!!

DT: So in their first title defense, it’ll be Chip and Slambo taking up the banner for the Club while Farnswirth sits on the sidelines. And apparently Lindsay Troy is declining to join The Entourage and take up Troy Windham on his offer.

MN: That’s the problem with her, never doing as she’s told, doesn’t know her place.

[SFX: **dingdingding**]

DT: There’s the bell and here we go! It’ll be August De La Rossi starting this off for the Entourage and Chip Friendly in there for the HPSC.

MN: Chipper may be Everyone’s Best Friend, but my man August is the absolute and unfiltered shiznit!

DM: Thanks for the outdated slang, Mikey.

MN: Just doin’ my part.

DT: These two lightning-quick competitors lock up, and Friendly gets a quick go behind and a hammerlock. Cinches it in, then hooks the head…reverse suplex variation…August flips out!

DM: He may not have much experience, but August does have tremendous agility and a certain panachè in the ring.

MN: Like I said, shiznit.

DM: Liked I said…CRAM IT.

MN: Yessir.

DM: Good boy. Want a yum-yum?

MN: **pants like dog**

DM: Moron.

DT: August playing to the crowd, asking for their praise of his escape, but he’s getting none of it! He turns around…straight into a blistering knife edged chop from Chip! And another! Whips August into the ropes…off he comes…clothesline ducked…but he catches August with a kneelift to the midsection on the rebound!

DM: That’s Chip’s tremendous wrestling savvy showing right there. He’s a former amateur champ, and, like him or not, he knows his way around the ring as well as anyone.

DT: August rises again, and Chip meets him with a single leg shot and a takedown. Chip working from the top in the referee’s position, textbook freestyle wrestling technique from the former All-American…and he hooks a quick cradle…August’s shoulders are on the mat…


And a quick kickout! Certainly not enough to end it yet, but he’s pulled August off his game in the early going here.

MN: **still panting like an attention-starved puppy**

DT: Neely, are you STILL waiting for that treat?

MN: **still panting**


MN: Huh? What? Wha’ happen?

DM: Dude, you were acting like a dog for like two minutes!

MN: I was? No! Naw! No way!

DT/DM: Way.

DT: Too many therapy appointments with Dr. Pavlov?

MN: Huh? What? I don’t get it?

DT/DM: Didn’t think so.

MN: WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

DT: Just do your job.

MN: Which is…

DM: Oh, for chrissakes…

[Dean smacks Neely hard on the back of the head, jogging Neely out of his bout of stupidity. In the ring, Chip continues to work on a stunned August, whipping him hard into the turnbuckle before catching him with a quick snap suplex and working in a side headlock.]

DT: Chip cranks the pressure up on August’s neck, trying to wear out the high flyer and sap his energy early on.

MN: Or, you know, rest hold.

DM: Back now?

MN: Yep.

DM: Better?

MN: All kinds.

DT: August fires a couple of elbows to Friendly’s sternum, and springs him off the ropes to break the hold. Springboard by De La Rossi…and a terrific springboard spinning leg lariat to take out Chip Friendly! August over to his corner, and in comes The Mysterious Zoltan with the tag.

MN: Ladies and gentlemen, rise and shine…IT’S BUTT-WHIPPING TIME!

DM: Because Zoltan is too tough for Chip, or because Zoltan doesn’t have a thimble’s worth of real wrestling ability in his body.

MN: Umm, a little from Column A, a little from Column B.

DT: Zoltan in, and he charges at Chip and rams him into the turnbuckle! Zoltan grabs a hold of the middle ropes and thrusts forward, slamming his massive shoulder right into Chip’s gut! And again! And again! ONE MORE TIME! And Chip Friendly collapses to the mat!

MN: Heheh, you said “thrusts”.

DM: Are you nine?

MN: I know you are, but what am I?

DM: Gee, thanks Pee Wee.

DT: Chip’s halfway up, but the Innovator of Friendship is blasted back down with a clubbing forearm right to his upper back. Up he comes again, and he’s hit with a kick right to the sternum!

MN: That’s gonna welt up a fair bit. Zoltan’s got a really big boot.

DM: How big?

MN: I don’t know. It’s MYSTERIOUS!

DM: Yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhh.

DT: Chip Friendly reeling right now against the hulking Mysterious Zoltan. Zoltan sets chip in the corner, whips him across the ring…here comes the cavalry charge…HUGE RUNNING AVALANCHE!!! He scoops him up, running powerslam! The cover…



NO!!! Chip Friendly kicks out of that ring-shaking powerslam from Zoltan! The big man wasting no time, has him up again…

DM: Butterfingers!

DT: Chip slips out! He dashes to his corner and makes the tag! Here comes Slambo!

MN: Man, how weird is it that you look to a big clown for your salvation?

DT: Slambo is in…and Slambo hits the deck! Zoltan charged right at him and clotheslined him straight to the mat! He stalks over Slambo, grabs him by the shoulders…up he goes…SIT OUT POWERBOMB!!! We could have new tag team champs…



THRNOOO!!!! Slambo gets the shoulder up! But that had to take the wind right out of him!

[CUT TO: Split-screen replay of Slambo’s back being driven into the canvas in slo-mo.]

DT: Zoltan drags Slambo over into the corner, and he tags in August De La Rossi. Here comes the double team for the Entourage.

MN: Man, if Troy was in this match, they wouldn’t even need a double team. He’s four men at once, all by himself!

DM: Are we sure you didn’t marry Windham too, Neels?

MN: Umm, no…of course not…uhhhhhh…uhhhh….JERK!

DM: Snappy.

DT: The Entourage combine to work over Slambo, who’s been isolated far away from his tag team partner and best friend Chip Friendly. Zoltan and August exchanging tags, smartly preventing a disqualification.

DM: Terrific, textbook tag wrestling from two guys with about as much experience as a…

DT: Please, Dean, don’t even give Mike the chance.

DM: Kay.

DT: Standing head scissors by Zoltan, up goes Slambo…POWERBOMB with a neckbreaker dropped in from August at the last second! The big man pins…



FOOT ON THE ROPES!!!! The referee sees it and the count is broken!

MN: He’s a clown, but he’s a smart clown.

DM: Graduated top of his class at Krusty’s Klown Kollege.

DT: August is heading up top, he and Zoltan want to finish this right now. Slambo in the electric chair position…August flies…AND HITS HIS PARTNER!!!! Slambo arched back and dropped out at the last second, and August nailed his partner with a missile dropkick! Zoltan’s down, August is in shock!

DM: August is in trouble!

DT: Boot to the gut by Slambo…DDT! The pin…



THHHRRRRR…Broken up by Zoltan! The Club was moments away from retaining! The referee is warning Zoltan to get back in his corner…

DM: Shenanigans!

MN: Trickeration!

DT: Low-blow by August De La Rossi! Blatant cheating! Slambo hunched over, and he doubles over and stumbles into the official. De La Rossi prancing around the ring like a chicken with it’s head cut off…

DM: Tomfoolery!

MN: Monkeyshines!

DT: Low-blow through the ropes from Chip Friendly! Both teams aren’t below underhandedness to win this one! Both legal men are doubled over! August comes after Slambo…met with a Spear!!! Off the ropes comes the big Clown…and he drops the knee right across August’s chest!

MN: Ouchies.

DM: You are so not cool, Neely.

MN: Am too.

DM: [under his breath] Ouchies. Ha!

DT: Children, please. Quiet down. Slambo with the irish whip…SPINEBUSTER! Now the double underhook…Joy Buzzer…NOOOOO!!!! On the way up August hit Slambo with a kick to the face and flipped out! Slambo dazed…SLACKNIFE!!!! August hit him with Troy Windham’s patented Slacknife neckbreaker! He goes up top, this one’s over if he hits this…

DM: Whoops!

DT: Chip Friendly just nonchalantly tripped August De La Rossi on the top rope and crotched him!

MN: Groin pain. Bad. Very, very bad.

DT: Slambo recovers, hooks him up top…SUPERPLEX! He pins…



NOT THIS TIME!!!! Desperate kickout from August De La Rossi and the Entourage is still in this one!

DM: For how long, who the hell knows!

DT: Slambo’s over in his corner, and he makes the tag. In comes Chip, he pulls August upright, and chops him straight across the chest once more! Chip with the irish whip…diving forearm! He’s completely in control! Shoots him off again…inverted atomic drop…flows through…German Suplex!

MN: Chipperooni is dominating the smaller man right now.

DM: Wow, cogent analysis, Neely.

MN: Thanks.

DT: You just wanted to say “Chipperooni”, didn’t you?

MN: [sadly] Yeah.

DT: Chip’s got it under control now. Up comes August…SMILEY FACE!!! He’s locked in that Smiley Face nerve hold! He’s writhing around…stumbling…and sends Chip directly into a HUGE haymaker from Zoltan to break the hold. Lucky break…SLEEPERHOLD!

DM: That was quick!

DT: August recovered quickly and locks in the sleeper, and now we’re stumbling in the other direction!

MN: Rock-a-bye Chipper, on the tree top…

DT: Chip’s on the long train to dreamland, stumbling back…he’s closer to his corner…sticks his right arm out!

DM: What a genius!

DT: Chip is reaching back for the tag, and August doesn’t notice! He’s stumbling…still stumbling…MAKES THE TAG! Bouncing off the ropes he breaks the hold, August turns around…

MN: Freight Clown comin’ through!

DT: Slambo nearly TAKES HIS HEAD OFF with a lariat! Chip picks him up…EXPLODER SUPLEX!!! AND HERE COMES LINDSAY TROY!!!

DM: Uh oh, here’s where it gets interesting!!

DT: Lindsay Troy on her way to the ring!!

DM: Here comes Zoltan! Richard Farnswirth looking over at Troy and making her way to the side of the ring she’s approaching!

DT: All four men in the ring, but Slambo and August are the legal men! Slambo with August…PILEDRIVER! Zoltan stuns Chip with a forearm…looks for the big slam…Chip escapes…and clips the knee! Off the ropes he comes…CROSS BODY BLOCK!!! He knocked Zoltan out of the ring!

DM: And just in time!

DT: Troy and Farnswirth staring each other down on the outside!! Zoltan takes a swipe at Farnswirth’s leg, distracting him and there goes Troy sprinting up and into the ring!!

MN: Hey! Clownie, you can’t do that to an ordained priest! Let him go!

DT: JOY BUZZER!!!! Butterfly powerbomb by Slambo the Clown! The cover…




[SFX: Bell rings]



DM: That was gonna be it!

DT: De La Rossi now scrambling out of the ring to the outside and helping Zoltan up!! Slambo takes a right hand from Troy! Troy with another for Chip Friendly, but here comes Farnswirth!! OHHHH!! And he just blasted the World Champion with a chair right between the eyes!!!

DM: Where in the hell are THEY going????

[Camera shot of Zoltan and August De La Rossi walking backward up the ramp, smiling at what’s going on in the ring.]

DT: They’re ditching Lindsay Troy!! It was a set up!

MN: Of course! Troy Windham is brilliant!! He’ll never let her go!

DT: Richard Farnswirth in the ring pulling Lindsay Troy to her feet and he’s just screaming in her face!! He takes her and OHHH Market Crash!!!! Slambo now pulling her up!!! Joy Buzzer!!! My God someone do something!!!

DM: The Highland Park Social Club is dismantling the World Champion!!

DT: Chip Friendly now pulling her up!! HERE COMES JOEY MELTON!!! MELTON IS BACK!!!

MN: No way!! He’s supposed to be locked up!! This is a clear violation!!

DT: Melton stops short of the melee…[In earshot of the mics around the ring we hear Melton say “out on bond, baby!”] And now Melton in taking on all three!! Right hand to Farnswirth!! Chop to Chip Friendly!! Slambo gets a shot in!! Melton fighting valiantly but now all three members of the Highland Park Social Club working on Joey Melton!! And Lindsay Troy is still out cold!!

DM: Well, he gave it a shot. There’s just too many of them though.

DT: All three kicking away at Joey Melton!! Farnswirth ordering Chip and Slambo to bring Melton to his feet now….they have him up and…is that someone coming through the crowd??

DM: I can’t really get a good look from here…..

[Big pop from the crowd as someone hops the rail and starts up the turnbuckle.]



DT: Cruise in Richard Farnswirth’s face!! They’re trading lefts and rights!! Lindsay Troy is up!! She taps Farnswirth on the shoulder, he turns and she backhands him right across the jaw!!! Farnswirth holding his mouth!! Chip Friendly is up but Cameron Cruise clotheslines him over the top to the floor!! Slambo up!! Lindsay Troy with a dropkick sends him flying!!! Melton now comes to his senses!! He’s up!! Cruise whips Farnswirth right at Melton!! Melton takes him by the head and leaps over the rope, snapping his neck down over the top rope!!! Farnswirth staggering into the ring!! Troy takes a head of hair and sends him flying over the other side of the ring to the floor!!!

[Huge mega-pop]

DT: Lindsay Troy and the erstwhile Cameron Cruise Project standing tall!!!

DM: Did we just see a reunion!?!?

DT: Joey Melton up and smiling and staring at Cruise! He opens his arms and smirks, head cocked….Cruise rolls his eyes…and gives a hug to his former partner!! All three standing tall here on Aggression!!! We’ll be right back!!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
EPW World Heavyweight Championship
"Queen of the Ring" Lindsay Troy (c) vs. Kin Hiroshi

DT: We’re back and it’s time for the main event.

DM: This is big, and with what took place just moments ago it takes on extra significance.

DT: Let’s go up to the ring to Tony Fatora!

TONY FATORA: The following main event contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the Empire Pro Wrestling WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challenger.

[CUE UP: “Sigillum Diaboli” by HIM]

TONY FATORA: Weighing in at two hundred and thirty five pounds, he hails from Tokyo, Japan, and is the current Number One Contender to the World Heavyweight Championship… KIIIIIN… HHHHIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHHHIIIII!!!

DT: Here he is, the man who came oh so close at Unleashed to walking away with it all, getting another chance at the title. Listen to this reaction!

MN: No way he’ll win - he can’t even get the company’s name right!

DM: And he’s almost as big a suck-up as Mike is.

MN: HE IS NOT!... erm… I AM NOT!

DM: Sure.

[CUE UP: “Chip Away the Stone” by Aerosmith]


MN: Windham.

DT: Listen to this reaction for the champion! The crowd on their feet as Lindsay Troy

MN: Windham.

DT: makes her way to the ring.

DM: Keep saying “Windham” and she’ll kill you, you know.

MN: But she is married to him.

DT: For how much longer remains to be seen, but Lindsay’s got to put that out of her mind right now, as Kin Hiroshi is one tough competitor, and he’s not going to go down without a fight. But you gotta wonder how much that last encounter with the Highland Park Social Club took out of the champion.

DM: If I know Lindsay, she’s not going to let what’s going on outside distract her - she might even imagine that she’s in there with Troy Windham and take out even more of her aggression.

MN: So she’s fantasizing about him as well as sharing his bed? Joey Melton’s not gonna like that.

DM: Sometimes, I wonder about you, Mike.

DT: Well, we don’t have to worry about the match, as there’s the bell, and Kin Hiroshi charged straight in with a shoulder block! Lindsay Troy back up, and Hiroshi with a side headlock, but Lindsay quickly sending him off the ropes, and a BIG leg lariat to take him down! Picking him up, hard slam, and a running Senton splash!



Kickout by Hiroshi, and Lindsay Troy is really going full out here, not giving him any chance to rest as she goes for a snapmare takedown!

DM: Hiroshi rolling out of the headlock into an arm bar, and he’s going to look to slow this match down a little, keep Lindsay grounded.

DT: Lindsay Troy in the arm bar, but she’s back on her feet, slapping her shoulder… forward backward NICE counter to flip out of the hold, and she takes Hiroshi down with an arm-wringer! Fast paced action here in the opening seconds of this match, and it’s Lindsay Troy in control with an arm-bar now!

MN: …

DM: No comment from you, Mike?

MN: How quick were they moving?

DT: Very. These two are trained athletes, both very proficient in different disciplines, and giving us so far an entertaining match up. Kin Hiroshi in trouble on the canvas though, as Lindsay’s pulling back on the arm.

DM: When you get two people as good as these two, the match can either be very long, or very short - one mistake can be huge in this match.

DT: I can’t see either making many mistakes tonight though. Kin getting to his feet, still in the arm bar, but he’s turned in to face Troy

MN: Windham.

DT: Thanks Mike. Kin Hiroshi pushing Lindsay’s chin back, trying to force her to the ropes… NO! Kin Hiroshi ducks down quickly, hoists Lindsay onto his shoulders, and just DRIVES her down with a Samoan Drop!

DM: Nice move there! He made her think he was trying to sling-shot her off the ropes, so she wasn’t expecting to have the wind driven out of her by two hundred and thirty five pounds of Kin Hiroshi against her torso.

DT: Hiroshi is not relenting though! This title opportunity means a lot to him, so he’s right back on the attack with that scoop slam into a cover.



No! Lindsay Troy kicking out with ease at the two there, but Hiroshi just drops his fist straight down across her forehead before she can get to her feet! The cover again


Another kickout by the champion. Hiroshi is in total control right now!

DM: And he’ll stay there for a while if he keeps hitting moves like that. BIG brainbuster on the champion!

DT: One…


Another kickout by Lindsay Troy!

DM: All these kickouts are just going to wear her down. Kin’s been smart in keeping her away from the ropes - it takes more energy to kick out than to slide your foot under the bottom rope.

MN: The kind of thing a weakling champion would do.

DT: Lindsay Troy is not a weakling champion, Mike.

MN: Windham. And she’s no REAL Troy Windham. Only a pretend Lindsay Troy-Windham.

DT: Whatever you say, Mike. Kin Hiroshi picking Lindsay up again, but Lindsay with a single-leg take down! Locking in a leg-lock on the canvas, I don’t think Kin was expecting that, Dean.

DM: Definitely not. Just like how Hiroshi tricked Lindsay into thinking he was going to send her off the ropes before he used a Samoan Drop, Lindsay Troy was limp when Kin was picking her up, but used that to get close enough to take him down into a leg lock. The crowd are showing their appreciation right now with Lindsay in control, but this has been a fast paced match so far. I wonder how long they can keep it up.

DT: I don’t know that, but Lindsay Troy is cinching in that leg lock - look at the grimace on Kin Hiroshi’s face! Lindsay with her legs locked around Kin’s, and the former Muffin company owner is in a lot of pain out there!



No! Kin Hiroshi letting his shoulders touch the canvas there, and almost getting pinned because of the pain!

DM: That’s a very real threat in a lot of submission holds - people don’t realise that. I’ve seen people pinned from here more times than I care to count.

DT: Hiroshi is trying to get out of this hold, grabbing a handful of hair, but senior referee Pat Jones is right there to stop it. Hiroshi laying back, but it looks like Lindsay’s switching the hold. She’s let go of the leg, only to move herself to the other side of it and reapply it.

DM: Just wait a second.

DT: Lindsay Troy grabbing the other leg of Hiroshi, wrapping it over his own ankle?

DM: Wait for it.


DM: Told you. Lindsay saw she wasn’t going to get the submission through the leg-lock, so she’s trying an Indian Deathlock. You’d normally see this hold as a reversal of the figure four, but this way she’s also got the chance of getting a pinfall.

DT: Hiroshi is yelling at the ref that he’s not going to give up, but he’s yelling even more when Lindsay slaps her hand down on her leg, tightening the hold for a split second!

DM: It’s one of the most painful holds there is, but it’s not as simple to put on as, say, a sharpshooter. More often than not, it’s taught as I said for getting out of a figure four.

DT: I can tell from here that it hurts, but Kin Hiroshi is still not going to give up!

MN: But he’s fighting a Windham! A TROY-Windham! He won’t have a choice.

DT: I sure hope for your sake Lindsay doesn’t watch this match back later. Lindsay Troy leaning over Hiroshi now.

MN: *drool*

DT: And she’s released the deathlock to go into a side headlock on the canvas! Great switch there by the champ.

DM: And great timing there by the stage-hand to bring the tissue to the drooling Neels.

MN: HEY!!!!!

DT: Lindsay Troy trying to wrench the neck of Kin Hiroshi, but Hiroshi’s getting to his feet, and out of the hold with an arm-wringer! Lindsay got out of that hold earlier, but Kin’s not giving her the chance to this time, pushing her back to the ropes, hard Irish whip across the ring, and a duck down by Hiroshi. Lindsay Troy on the rebound, Hiroshi with the leap frog, Lindsay building up more momentum TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!! LINDSAY TROY JUST BENT IN HALF ACROSS THE KNEE OF KIN HIROSHI!!

DM: VERY well executed move! He let her build up her speed off the ropes, and then used that to hit one of the best backbreakers I’ve seen in a long long time.

MN: That’s one way to slow her down.

DM: I think her flexibility will have taken some of the impact out of it, but it’s still got to have hurt.

DT: And Kin Hiroshi is using the time to shake his legs, get the blood flowing again, as he picks Lindsay Troy up, and nails her with a hard chop to the chest!

MN: She’s got padding.

DT: She’s really going to hurt you too. Hiroshi with Troy by the hair, forcing her back into the turnbuckle, and a knee to the gut doubling the champ up! Twisting the arm now, and an Irish whip across the ring! Troy landing hard in the corner, Hiroshi charging in AND CONNECTS WITH A SPINNING LEG LARIAT IN THE CORNER!

DM: Kin Hiroshi’s definitely going all out tonight to try and win, and who can blame him? In Empire Pro, there are that many great competitors you never know when your next chance will come. With the roll he’s on, Steven Shane could be in line for a title versus title shot.

MN: So could Wong Pei.

DT: I doubt that one, Mike, but Kin Hiroshi just dropped a knee across the throat of Lindsay Troy after she slumped out of the corner. Going for the cover



KICKOUT just before Pat Jones could bring his hand down for the three count.

DM: High impact moves are a trait of Hiroshi’s, mixing in all the best wrestling styles from around the world in a unique style.

DT: It’s certainly unique, as he rolls Lindsay onto her stomach. Putting his knees in her back now… BOW AND ARROW SUBMISSION! BOW AND ARROW SUBMISSION! NO! Lindsay Troy was too close to the ropes as Hiroshi tried to lock in that bow and arrow. Pat Jones is calling for the break, and Hiroshi wisely releases the hold at the count of four.

MN: Of course - he can’t win the title if he’s DISQUALIFIED. Dork.

DM: Name calling aside though Mike, Kin Hiroshi is really in control right now, scooping Lindsay up and driving her down on her ribs across his knee.

DT: One


Kickout again by the champion, but you’ve got to wonder how much pain all these blows to the back are going to cause.

DM: A lot. What the added bonus is




Kickout! Sorry, Dean, you were saying?

DM: No problem. The more pain Lindsay’s back’s in, the less likely she’ll be to try an aerial move that requires a twist – twisting in mid-air will hurt her back more if it’s injured.

DT: And it certainly looks like Hiroshi is focusing on the back, as he rocks Lindsay with a right hand, and pulls her up in a bear-hug! Not normally something you’d expect from a two hundred thirty five pounder, but when your opponent is one hundred seventy, it’s probably very effective.

MN: And you say Lindsay will kill me if she replays this match – you just said she was a hundred seventy.

DT: Pounds, Mike. Pounds.

MN: Is that a new burger? To beat BK’s stacker quad?

DM: God, if you’re up there, please give Mike a sense of humour.

MN: I heard that.

DT: You’re not God, Mike. I think Lindsay might be asking for some help though, as for the last few minutes, Kin Hiroshi has been focusing on her back, trying to wear down the champion to the point she can’t walk without screaming!

DM: And he’s got that bearhug locked in tight. With Lindsay off the mat, he’s able to position his arms differently, increasing the pressure by driving his shoulder in her solar-plexus, with his fists squarely in her spine squeezing the air out. If you’ve ever been hit in the solar-plexus and lived, you know how painful it can be.

DT: Lindsay Troy trying desperately to take some deep breaths, but Kin’s just squeezing tighter and tighter. Is there any way out of this hold, Dean?

DM: A few, but the only one that might work for Lindsay right now depends on if she can release some of the pressure. I’m sure Lindsay knows how to get out of this one, but putting the theory into practice in wrestling is very difficult.

DT: Lindsay’s telling the referee she’s not going to call it quits, but Kin shifts her position back up – he’s not going to let go, is he?

DM: I don’t know. Mike thinks he’s God, ask him.

MN: Well *zap* OW!!!

DM: Well, that answers that question. Mike’s not God.

DT: But Lindsay Troy is starting to look out of it in there! She’s been in this hold a while now, and Hiroshi’s not letting up. The referee checking Troy’s arm… doesn’t drop, this match continues.

DM: Maybe she’s waiting on Kin to get sick of this hold. I’ve seen that done too.

DT: Kin Hiroshi shifting her weight again… LINDSAY WITH A DOUBLE HAND CLAP!! SHE’S FREE FROM THE BEARHUG! Quickly back off the ropes… OCTOPUS BY HIROSHI!! Just as she gets out of one submission hold, Kin Hiroshi just as quickly puts her in another one!

DM: It was a good move though – she felt Kin letting go to shift her weight, and clapped her hands behind him – her arms hitting the sides of his head caused him to let go. But the octopus submission… not the kind of hold you want to be put in after a bearhug.

MN: Looks like something out of the Karma Sutra. I bet Melton’s taking notes.

DM: It may look weird, but this variation of the abdominal stretch is no joke – apart from damaging the side, it works on the neck as well.

DT: But Hiroshi doesn’t seem able to apply much pressure!

DM: He’s a little off-balance – that’s the problem putting this hold on.

DT: Kin Hiroshi trying to pull back on Lindsay’s arm… no, he’s giving up. Looking for an Irish whip, reversal STRAIGHT INTO ANOTHER OCTOPUS! LINDSAY TROY RETURNING THE FAVOUR, and the crowd are going wild!

DM: Didn’t see that one coming.

DT: Lindsay Troy with the octopus on Kin Hiroshi, but Hiroshi’s trying to fight out of it… trips Lindsay by hooking her standing leg! Drops the elbow, but nobody home! Champion and challenger back to their feet, Troy with a kick to the gut… FISHERMAN’S BUSTER!!



THNO!! Kin Hiroshi still with the wherewithal to kick out, and Lindsay Troy looks in bad shape!

DM: After all the punishment’s she’s had, I’m not surprised. Kin’s slow getting up though, still suffering the effects of that Indian deathlock earlier.

DT: Lindsay Troy trying to pull herself up using the ropes, but Hiroshi’s up first. Charging in… BACKDROP! NO!! Kin Hiroshi landed on the apron!! Troy turning round, and Hiroshi with a shoulder to the gut through the ropes! Hooks her in a front face lock… he’s not going for what I think he is is he?

DM: Looks like. If he hits it, I’ll put money on this match being over.

DT: Kin Hiroshi trying to SUPLEX the champ to the outside!! Lindsay blocks it, but Hiroshi trying again… blocked… Lindsay tries the suplex! Blocked by Hiroshi!! Hiroshi… almost… DROPKICK SENDS HIROSHI TO THE OUTSIDE!!

DM: Now’s the chance she’s been looking for!

DT: Lindsay Troy down on her knees in the ring, gasping for air, as Kin Hiroshi is out on the floor trying to shake the cobwebs from the picture perfect standing drop-kick to the jaw! Pat Jones asking Kin if he’s OK, and starts the count!

DM: Lindsay’s back to her feet – there’s a reason she’s only not won one match here since Russian Roulette, and a large part of it is her resilience.

DT: She’s breathing heavily though – no Mike.

MN: What?!?!

DT: I know you too well. Unfortunately. Pat Jones now up to five, and Kin’s leaning against the ring apron, trying to pull himself up. Lindsay charging in…

DM: Plancha time.

DT: NO IT’S NOT! Kin Hiroshi just dropkicked thin air, as Lindsay stops herself at the ropes! If she’d gone over she’d’ve been hit with a dropkick… PLANCHA!! Lindsay Troy with a plancha over the top rope after feinting it, putting Hiroshi off guard! What a match this is!

MN: The crowd sure like it, and so do I!

DT: Both competitors on the outside, but Lindsay’s up quickly! She’s still holding her back, but she picks up Hiroshi, tossing him back inside

MN: Oooooh yeeeeah!

DT: BAD MIKE!! Lindsay with the cover…



KICKOUT! Kin Hiroshi STILL managing to kick out after a dropkick to the jaw and Air Lindsay!

DM: I want to know how much damage that did to Lindsay’s back though

DT: However much it did, she’s not slowing down. Picking Kin up, and a hard chop across the chest! A stinging right rocking him into the corner… hard Irish whip in… YAKUZA KICK in the corner! Lindsay Troy showing off her flexibility with that Yakuza Kick right in the corner, snapping Hiroshi’s head back!! Bringing Hiroshi out… DDT!! Floatsover



THR…NO!! Pat Jones showing us just how close he was there, but no fall!

DM: After being spiked like that, most people would’ve lost. Shows the determination of Hiroshi tonight.

DT: Lindsay Troy though in control, pulling him to the centre of the ring by the leg… FIGURE FOUR!! Joey Melton’s signature move being applied by Lindsay Troy!

MN: Windham.

DT: Can it, Mike. Kin Hiroshi is screaming in there from the figure four!

DM: Going back to working on the legs - just as Kin thought his legs were safe, Lindsay goes right back with a very painful hold!

DT: Hiroshi’s grabbing at the ropes, but he’s in the middle of the ring! Kin Hiroshi trying to break the hold and keep his shoulders off the mat at the same time, but Lindsay’s just applying more and more pressure!

DM: His only hope is to turn it.

DT: I think he’s trying to, but Lindsay just applies more pressure to keep the hold locked in! Lindsay Troy now releasing the hold, but drives an elbow into the inner thigh of Hiroshi! I think she realised she wasn’t going to get the submission, as she’s now picking Kin up, and a quick kick to the gut there. THROWING him face first into the corner! Irish whip across the ring, charges in… MONKEYFLIP! NO!! Hiroshi able somehow to land on his feet! Hip toss by Hiroshi, Troy getting to her feet… HURRICANRANA BY THE CHALLENGER!!





THRNO!! Kin Hiroshi kicking out of the reversal, and catches the champ with a standing drop kick!! How are these two still going at this pace?!?

DM: Adrenaline. You get a lot of it when you’re in the ring.

DT: Hiroshi stalking Lindsay… BIG gutwrench suplex.



THRNO!!! Lindsay’s turn to kickout just before the three! Hiroshi picking Troy up, and he rocks her with a hard right hand! LINDSAY FIRES BACK!! Kin with a right… Lindsay with a right… Kin with a right BLOCKED!! Lindsay Troy fires back BUT IT’S BLOCKED!!

DM: Double Drop-kick!! Both had the same idea, and they both just hurt themselves when they landed from the double drop-kick! That’s one way to end a stalemate in a fist fight I suppose.

DT: Both competitors up to their feet, looking groggy out there now. Lindsay pushing Kin back to the ropes, Hiroshi with the reversal on the Irish whip, Lindsay ducks under the clothesline… SUNSET FLIP!!









THREENO!!! Kin Hiroshi barely managing to get the shoulder up there!! How much longer can they keep going?

DM: Why do you keep asking that? It’ll go as long as it goes.

DT: Lindsay Troy picking Hiroshi up HARD RIGHT BY HIROSHI! Kin Hiroshi with Lindsay Troy in a standing headscissors HE’S SIGNALLING FOR N.F.M!!

DM: This’ll do it.

DT: Kin Hiroshi locking his arms around Lindsay… BACKDROP INTO A BRIDGE BY THE CHAMP!!




[sfx: *ding ding ding ding*]

TONY FATORA: Th’ winner of this match… and STILL Empire Pro Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion… The Queen of the Ring…. LLLLLLLIIIIIIINNNNNDDDDDDSSSSAAAAAYYYYYY… TTTTTTTTTRRRRRRROOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYY!!

DT: Huge win for Lindsay Troy and she is still the World Heavyweight champion!! Look at this!!

[The camera catches Richard Farnswirth stepping out onto the stage just staring a hole in the champ. Troy just slaps the title around her waists and raises a middle finger….slowly to a big pop from the crowd. Farnswirth smirks and nods his head, backing off through the crowd. The camera focuses in on Lindsay Troy climbing the turnbuckles and gesturing to the crowd to a huge pop….]

FADE TO BLACK – Copyright info.

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