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Aggression 60: Baltimore, MD - 9/20/11


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX

[FADEIN: The First standing inside the ring. First is in his typical all black outfit, his face painted in the Kefka motif. Also in the ring are Muse and a younger looking guy wearing a Red Sox Jersey and blue jeans. Much of the crowd is chanting “Welcome back” while a minority who can be heard are booing.]

DT: Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Aggression 60.... we're starting the show off here tonight with one hell of a surprise to me..... We haven’t seen The First since the controversial events surrounding his loss of the EPW World Title to Anarky, so I can't wait to hear what he has to say.

MN: I know what I have to say, this sucks! I thought we were rid of this idiot for forever!

FIRST: Quick intro here, the fine man in the Sox jersey is a long time friend of mine, Eddie “The Fire” Burns. You’ll be seeing a lot more of him in the days to come I promise…Now with that out of the way…To those of you who are chanting welcome back, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and for those of you who are booing me…I deserve it…I don’t want to ramble on here for too long but I do have to tell you all a little story, let you all know how it happened…

See I gave everything I had at Black Dawn and I came up short…That happens if losing was something that would stop me…Well I wouldn’t have gotten very far in this business…But I could handle losing to a first ballot hall of famer like Triple X…Hell as far as I’m concerned that loss just made him one for three against me…But what got to me, what really put me down…Was Lindsay Troy running out after that match…

That told me that Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy never really thought I could make it…Never thought I could do it…That it was all well and good I sold them T-Shirts, that I brought the kids into the arena, their faces all painted up like mine…But when push came to shove…They wanted someone who wasn’t me to be the hero…I thought about it…If I won that match, was Lindsay going to come out and kick my ass, or raise my hand and steal my thunder?

And that hurt me to my soul…And you do stupid things when you’re in that frame of mind…I went to Stalker…And he looked at me with a smile that said “What took you so long kid” and I made my deal with the devil. The devil made good on his word, I choked out Stevens and won the World Title, I didn’t care that I’d sold out everything I stood for, I was the champ, I got the belt, I was on top of the world.

The next show fighting Erik Black, Stalker told me it was in the bag, and it was…The fact that Erik Black pushed me far harder than he had any right to, that I came so close to losing that match didn’t faze me at all, I kept the belt, that’s all that mattered.

I walked into Unleashed with Muse knowing it was time to cheat for me, Stalker in my back pocket, never in a million years did I think I’d be pinned or submitted by Anarky…Worst that could happen is I’d lose by Disqualification…But Anarky stomped my guts out…Cause I didn’t see my fall coming. I didn’t see how quickly it could all be taken away from me.

I wasn’t fighting, I wasn’t competing, I was coasting by trusting that others would do the heavy lifting, and I got what was coming to me…

I left because I had nothing to stay for…I didn’t want to fight Stalker, I didn’t deserve a re-match with Anarky, my personal life for those of you who know about such things…Well it was a pretty big mess…

But well, things are better now…And yes we’re married now.

BURNS: Wait what?! I know I got drunk last week, but I don’t remember that.

FIRST: No me and her you idiot. [Muse shoots Eddie a cross look.]

BURNS: Oh right…Sorry man…

FIRST: So well what this is all about is simple…I’m starting over in EPW and getting it right this time. Eddie and I are going to stomp the guts out of any tag team that dares set foot in the ring with us. And we will get into the ring with Karl Brown and Otaku and we will beat them and reign as EPW World Tag Team Champions…

And after we’ve dominated any and all who want a crack at those titles…After we make it clear that we’re the best Tag Team EPW has ever seen…Well then well Eddie’s going to start from the ground up, and me…Well I’m going for the big title, without help, without losing who I am…And come what may, at some Wrestleverse down the line…It might just be the two of us putting on a show for World Title for the whole world to see.

[MUSIC UP: “Happy Birthday” by The Birthday Massacre. The three walk to different corners and stand on the second rope, most of the crowd cheering loudly.]

DT: The First and Eddie Burns here making a statement that Karl Brown and Otaku are on notice and they are coming for the EPW World Tag Team Titles.

MN: More like a statement that this loser can’t hang with the big dogs and he’s sticking to the sidelines which are better suited for him.

DT: While Neely remains miserable and bitter we’ll get this show started with some action right after this.


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Rich Mahogany vs. Otaku (cc)

[Camera fades in to an EPW newcomer standing in the ring and talking to some female fans.]

DT: Well folks we have here Rich Mahogany. He is set to square off against one half of the new tag team champions, Otaku!

DM: I've heard this guy portrays himself as quite the ladies man.

MN: I absolutely love his get up!

[Camera switches back to Mahogany standing in the ring, wearing a strange colored neckerchief, with a matching vest and bow tie. Two of the females he is talking to are absolutely flush red in their face. "Jushin Liger's theme song" hits the PA and the lights in the arena go black.]

MN: Man... no one told me this guy was going to be in the match.

[Stepping through the curtains is Otaku, followed by Karl 'The Dragon' Brown. Smoke swirls around them both as Otaku makes his way to the ring. Slapping a few hands of the tag team duo's ever growing fan base, Otaku climbs up the ring steps, gets in the ring and poses for the fans. The lights come up and Rich is already down to his basic wrestling attire. Otaku goes to unstrap his belt and as he is handing it to the timekeeper, Mahogany cheap shots him from the back!]

DT: Well the bell has rung and it looks like the newcomer pulled a cheap shot on the newly crowned tag champion.

MN: That was no newcomer cheap shot, that's a savvy vet move right there.

DM: What the hell do you know about savvy vets?

MN: More then you apparently.

DT: Rich is definitely making sure he gets the upper hand early in this match up. He whips Otaku across the ropes and comes back into a hammering clothesline. Otaku rolls to his stomach and tries to get up on one knee but Rich drives his knee into Otaku's back, sending him back flat on his stomach.

DM: Otaku trying to push himself back up again... OHHH Finger stomp from Mahogany.

MN: That's gotta hurt!

DM: Now Mahogany is posing for those ladies he was talking to before match. Cameras are flashing everywhere and he is just soaking it in. Giving more than ample time for Otaku to get to his feet.

DT: Rich doesn't realize Otaku is up and before he can turn around... RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Mahogany's head bounced straight off the mat and Otaku is slow to get to his feet, but he's the first one up. Pulling Rich Mahogany up, Rich tries to punch Otaku in the gut, Otaku with the block! Otaku head butts Mahogany back to the mat.

DM: He runs against the ropes and comes charging at Mahogany with a flying body splash! Otaku goes for the quick pin....1.....2...NO! Shoulder up from Mahogany.

MN: You aren't going to put this savvy vet down like that!

DM: Shut up about the savvy vet crap already!

DT: Otaku with the upper hand still as he pulls up Mahogany... he whips Rich Mahogany into the corner. Sizing him up now from the other side of the ring, Otaku charges.... FLYING BODY...NO! Rich moved out of the corner but OTAKU also caught himself from impacting the turnbuckle!

MN: Turn around Rich!

DM: Look at this idiot, he's posing after a side step from the corner? This guy is an idiot!

MN: The ladies are loving this idiot!

DT: Otaku has climbed himself up to the top turnbuckle and Mahogany has no idea he's there... he turns... Missile DROPKICK! Perfect connection! Mahogany is laid out and Otaku quickly hops back to his feet.

DM: He looks to capitalize on that move and try to finish him now!

MN: No way!

DT: Otaku hooks Rich and he's signaling for the Liger Sword. He tries to hoist him but Rich falls to his knees. Otaku works Rich's back trying to soften him up, but Rich pushes Otaku back a step and crawls to the corner of the ring.

DM: What's he doing?

MN: He's going to have a chat with the ladies!

DM: Wow, he actually crawled out of the ring to get away from Otaku, who goes to follow him but is blocked by the ref who starts a ten count. Rich, catching his breath on the outside is pulled to the guardrails by two female fans who quickly snap photos of themselves with him.

DT: This is ludicrous!


DM: Otaku has seen enough and he charges and slides out of the ring, restarting the refs count.

DT: Stalking toward Rich, Otaku is met with a savage eye poke and a punch to the gut! Rich grabs Otaku by the arm and whips him into the guard rail! The ref seeing enough comes out of the ring and directs Rich to get inside which he does.

MN: Look at the ladies man! Posing for the cameras!

DM: My god he has done more poses then wrestling moves in his debut match.

DT: Otaku's partner, Karl Brown is assisting him to his feet. Otaku getting his senses back slides back into the ring and is met with a stomp to the head from Rich!

DM: Rich pulls Otaku up and goes to irish whip him... Otaku reverses and sends Rich flying across the ring into the ropes.... What the f*ck.

DT: Wow folks, I can't believe what I just saw! Rich countered the whip by jumping on to the middle rope and spinning around connecting with a.... slap???

MN: More like a ***** slap... just saying. It was like a Springboard B*tch Slap!

DM: You know what springboard means?

MN: YES! I'm not that stupid Dean.

DM: Alrighty then. Otaku.. clearly caught off guard by the move was sent straight to the mat. Rich seeing his opportunity is repeatedly booting Otaku in the back of the head.

DT: He's dragging him to the corner now and is using the top rope placed under Otaku's neck to choke him out! The ref is giving him a warning count, then breaks the move up! Rich however goes right back to the same move!

DM: Uh oh... Karl has seen enough! He's up on the ring apron yelling at the ref and Rich Mahogany. The ref breaks it up again and this time Rich backs off. The ref now walks to Karl and tells him to get off the apron.

DT: OH no! Rich seeing the distraction just punched Otaku right in the no go zone! Otaku is bent over breathing heavy. Rich hooks him...


DM: What?

MN: Name of move!

DT: The ref finally turns around and sees the bridged Fisherman Suplex.. he goes for the count... 1.....2....3!!!!

MN: Yes and the savvy vet scores yet another win!

DM: After a cheap shot and the ref being distracted yes.. he scored his first win!

[Rich Mahogany quickly exits the ring, posing one more time for the females before high tailing it up the ramp. Karl quick to get in the ring after the count tends to his fallen tag team partner.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Just a Word

[Dan Ryan walks down a hall.]

VOICE: A word please Mr. Ryan!

[Ryan turns and sees a man in a suit walking with a cane.]

KAHN: Hello I’m Allen D. Kahn I am the lawyer for the talent known as Dis. I have something I need to speak to you about.

RYAN: If this is about what happened to you at Wrestleverse you can just forget about it. You get in the ring you pay the price. No lawyer is going to push me around with some bogus injury case.

[Kahn leans on his cane.]

KAHN: Oh I’m told I won’t need this for much longer but I still need a moment of your time.

[Kahn opens a door to a room and walks inside. Ryan looks into the room for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders and walks inside shutting the door behind him.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Adrian Willard vs. Cameron Cruise (c) - Non-title

[FADEIN: Tony Fatora standing in the ring after a beat “Genesis” by Justice hits on the PA]

TF: The following contest is a non-title match set for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first hailing from Chicago, Illinois weighing in at 285 pounds…”The Prophecy” Adrian…WILLLARDDDD!!

[Willard power walks to the ring. Willard is wearing white ring boots, knee pads and white trunks with “The Prophecy” on the seat in black, with tribal designs surrounding the words. The crowd greets Willard with more cheers than usual, which he completely ignores.]

DT: Adrian Willard making his debut here in EPW and he’s not exactly got himself an easy match, fighting the brand new World Television Champion and longtime grizzled veteran of the ring Cameron Cruise.

DM: Willard is a big man, but he’s not going to be much bigger than Cruise, who as you said has been here in EPW for a very long time and is now just the World Title short of having won every belt in this company.

MN: That’s like saying he’s a home run against Mo Rivera from getting the cycle, that belt is a kind of a hard one to win.

[MUSIC UP: “Killing In The Name Of” by Rage Against The Machine, the crowd boos loudly as Cameron Cruise bursts through the curtain, instead of his normal swagger to the ring, Cruise takes off on a full dead run and slides under the bottom rope, charging Willard before the bell!]

DT: Well it looks like the war of words between these two men has really got tempers flaring and Willard and Cruise are going at it like a couple of maniacs! Cruise staggered by Willard and now Willard with a head of steam and he CLOTHESLINES Cruise over the top rope and to the floor!

DM: Well that bull rush charge by Cruise didn’t seem to pay off, and now Willard is the one standing tall in the ring.

DT: Cruise now back to his feet and he slowly re-enters the ring [Bell rings] now this match is official and the two men circle, and go right back to trading punches! Cruise again getting the worst of it and backed to a corner…Willard sends him to the other side…NEARLY BEHEADS THE TELEVISION CHAMPION WITH A CLOTHESLINE AS THE COMES OUT OF THE CORNER!

MN: Cruise needs to get the clothesline outlawed, it’s all this idiot knows how to throw!

DT: Well if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. Cruise stumbling to his feet and Willard grabs him and sends him into the ropes…Cruise comes back into a SPINEBUSTER! Willard just DROVE Cruise into the mat with a sickening thud and he goes for the cover!




DT: Cruise powers out and now bails out to the floor again. He’s tried to go toe to toe with The Prophecy and it hasn’t ended well for him.

DM: Cruise does need a new game plan, he’s normally the bigger man in the fight and is able to get by on his power alone, but tonight Adrian Willard has him outgunned in that department.

DT: Cruise now back into the ring and the two men lock up again…This time Cruise gets a side headlock. Cruise trying to hold Willard down in the hold as he cranks the neck of The Prophecy. Willard now lifts Cruise off the ground…He’s got him up high…BACK SUPLEX! Cruise lands hard on the back of his head!

MN: Well that didn’t work either, maybe Cruise is gonna have to buy this guy off if he wants to stop him.

DT: Willard now stomping away on Cruise and now sends him back into the ropes…BACK BODY DROP, Cruise might be a big man, but Willard was able to power him into the sky on that one. Cruise getting to his feet and now taking a series of kicks to the midsection. Cruise staggered and now Willard is trying to get him up…He’s going for the Higher Vision! Cruise fighting with elbows to the jaw trying to break the hold…Willard loses his grip…CRUISE WITH A DDT! Cruise escaped that move and dropped Willard with that high impact DDT.

DM: And just like that Cruise has turned the tide of this match completely around, what a move from the TV Champion.

DT: Cruise now stomping away on Willard and now he drops down and gets a chin lock on the big man. Cruise grinding down Willard with this hold.

MN: He’s also milking clock, these TV Title matches are only 15 minutes.

DM: This is non-title Neely, aren’t you paying attention?!

MN: So what?! Willard gets a draw here he’s out of Cruise’s hair, Cruise knows Willard has to beat him to earn a shot at the gold and I say playing the clock is a smart move.

DT: Well call it what you will, Willard now trying to get to his feet…Cruise now hops on Willard’s back and turns the chin lock into a sleeper…Willard charges backwards…Cruise jumps off his back at the last second and Willard rams himself into the corner!

MN: He outsmarted the dummy! I guess Willard’s Prophecy didn’t show him Cruise avoiding that move!

DT: Willard stumbles out of the corner and gets a BIG hip toss for his troubles from Cruise. Cruise drops an elbow into the chest of Willard and covers!




DT: Willard escapes and Cruise locks that chin lock in again on him. Willard trying to fight back to his feet…Cruise making him earn everything as Adrian slowly drags himself to his feet again. Willard back up to his feet and a series of elbows to the gut break the hold…Willard off the ropes…GETS A KNEE TO THE GUT AS HE CHARGES CRUISE! Willard doubled over and gets BLASTED with a knee lift that sends him to the mat!

DM: After weathering the early storm, Cruise has really turned it around and has controlled this match.

DT: Cruise now waits for Willard to get to his feet…Cruise hooks him…Can he get the big man over for a suplex?! YES HE CAN! Cruise with a cover!




DT: Cruise so close to putting Willard away there, now he’s got Willard back to his feet and it’s time for a Reality Check! Willard grabs the ropes and he’s trying to prevent the move…Cruise pulls Willard away from the ropes…Willard grabs Cruise by the neck…PLANTS HIM WITH A CHOKESLAM! Willard off the ropes…BIG AIR ON AN ELBOW…NOBODY HOME!

DM: Both men down as this fight has taken its toll on both men.

DT: This has been a fierce battle between two men who did a lot of talking before the match and are now really trying to back up those words. Willard and Cruise pulling themselves up by the ropes and now they are trading punches in the center of the ring…Willard now connects with a series of right hands…Willard off the ropes…BIG BOOT TO THE HEAD!! Cruise is down! Willard with a cover!




MN: Cruise ain’t laying down for this punk if Willard wants a win here he’s going to have to knock Cruise out or worse.

DT: Willard gives the ref a quick look and now grabs Cruise, he’s going for the Higher Vision…Can’t get Cruise up! CRUISE WITH A REALITY CHECK!!! WILLARD’S OUT!!

DM: But Willard fell such that his leg is under the bottom rope!

DT: Cruise doesn’t see it and he makes the cover, the ref telling him to break the pin, Cruise looks baffled, but now he finally sees Willard’s leg under the ropes…Cruise now pulls Willard towards the center of the ring and hooks the leg!




DM: That 10-15 second delay from hitting the Reality Check to getting the cover was clearly the difference between a win and a loss for Cruise there, as he had Willard dead to rights but couldn’t finish it off!

DT: I’d have to agree with you there, but this match still isn’t over as Cruise now is waiting on Willard to get to his feet, I have a feeling we’re going to see a Reality Check in the dead center of the ring. Willard stumbles over to Cruise…Cruise hooks him…Willard throwing elbows to the side of Cruise’s head…Willard breaks free of the hold, Willard now lifts Cruise up. IS THIS POSSIBLE?! HIGHER VISION! NO! CRUISE SLIPS OVER THE SHOULDER AND IS TRYING TO PULL WILLARD OVER INTO A SUNSET FLIP! NO!! WILLARD DROPS DOWN ON CRUISE’S SHOULDERS!! HE’S GOT HIS LEGS HOOKED!!




[Bell rings, MUSIC UP: “Genesis” by Justice]


DT: Cruise pops to his feet and he’s LIVID over that count, he thinks he got the shoulder up but the ref is shaking his head and telling him it was a three, Adrian Willard has rolled to the floor and he’s got his arms raised, celebrating a hard fought victory over the Television champion.

DM: One has to think we’ll be seeing these two in the ring again soon and the gold will be at stake.

MN: Really? The guy just beat the champion and you think he’ll get a shot at the belt now? What biting insight! You really do steal your paychecks from this place.

DT: Well while Cameron Cruise lobbies with the ref about his count in the match and Neely continues fighting with us in the broadcast booth, we’ll be taking a break and coming back with more action right after this!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX

[Kenny Lombardo standing in front of an EPW banner.]

LOMBARDO: I have been told I’m here to interview Dis.

[Dis walks into the picture. The Dis suit now has a curly brown haired wig on Dis’ head. Dis grabs the mic from Lombardo.]

DIS: [voice distorted] The Lunatic figured me out.

I am Anarky’s mother.

Ann R. Kay.

Don’t tell anyone he has a girl’s name.

That might be a bit embarrassing.

[Dis takes the wig off and throws it at Lombardo]

Or odds are I’m just lying again.

Tonight a lot of things have happened.

All of them meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

All that matters tonight is the Sad King gets slapped in the face.

I’ll show him up for the pitiful creature he is.

He and Larry Tact shall suffer tonight.

As they fall they will know that order must be restored.

Greatness must return to the Empire Pro World Title.

And until it does

No one is safe.

[Dis sticks the mic in Lombardo’s chest and walks off.]

LOMBARDO: Ummm back to you guys.


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Dopesmoker & The Colossal Connection vs. Team VIAGRA

[REPLAY: Highlight reel of High Flyer and Dopesmoker going at it in the opening match of Wrestleverse, with a good number of shots of “the Escape Artist” playing nasty and Tony Davis trying to do something about it. The finish of High Flyer securing the pinfall for the win is soon followed by Dopesmoker’s post-match rampage on Davis with a chair, before being chased out of the ring by the victor.]

[CUT TO: Kenny Lombardo backstage, mic in hand, standing with both members of the Colossal Connection who are just moments away from heading to the ring.]

KL: What we just saw there, fans, were the major events in the opening match of Wrestleverse, leaving us with a lot of lingering questions as to the change in behavior in Erik Black. In recent months, the man known in the ring as Dopesmoker has been increasingly reclusive from the public eye... uncharacteristically missing promo periods... occasionally showing up with seemingly nonsensical tirades on the state of the federation.

[He turns to the Russian-born giant.]

KL: Ivan Dalkichev... you’ve been a tag partner to that man for many years as the Chronic Collision, formerly the Crimson Calling, so we can assume that nobody knows the Dopesmoker better than you. But looking back on that clip, what can say on his actions?

[“The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev grimaces as he shakes his head disapprovingly and lets out a bass-heavy sigh.]

ID: Hrrmm... to be truthful with you, Kenny, I find it hard to say anything. Erik and me... we came up through this business together. He is like a brother to me. I look at that video, and I think... how can my brother do such a thing? But it is not my place to question his choices. Nor my loyalty. Whatever Erik does with himself is beyond my control... but whenever he needs a man by his side, I will be there. Such is the case tonight...

[“The Viking Violator” Olvir Arsvinnar suddenly leans into the shot and takes over the mic.]

OA: I’ll tell you, Talk Man, what the Great Olvir SEES in your magical moving pictures!! I see our BROTHER IN ARMS taking YUSTICE in his own hands! The puny peckers of Team VIAGRA should TREMBLE IN FEAR!! No longer can they overwhelm our ally with numbers... for the COLOSSAL CONNECTION have the back of the Dopesmoker!

KL: Well gentlemen, in that case, good luck tonight in the ring against Team V.I.A.G.R.A. Hopefully, this rare Chronic Collision reunion will bring your friend to his senses.

ID: Let’s hope so, Kenny.

[Ivan nods and both members of the Colossal Connection turn to the curtain.]

[CUT TO: Two handsome gents and an ogre named Neely behind the commentary table.]

DT: There you heard it from our man backstage, Kenny Lombardo... not even Dopesmoker’s longtime tag partner, “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev, can offer much explanation as to just what’s in “the Escape Artist’s” head right now.

DM: Nothing is proven, but the prevailing theory is the obvious abuse. If Dopesmoker gets any more out of control, Dan Ryan might have to give this federation’s wellness policy some stricter enforcement.

MN: You guys must be HIGH, or something. Everybody can say what they want, but it was clear to me that Tony Davis deserved an ass-kicking just for sticking his nose into that match. Even the dumb Viking’s got that figured out, so I can’t understand for the life of me how YOU guys can’t see the obvious.

[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang. The fans POP as Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s video plays over the EmpireTron. A moment later, High Flyer, Tony Davis, and Mary-Lynn Mayweather emerge from the entry-way. The trio stand on the stage for a moment, Mayweather flanked by the men and all three energetically pumping up the crowd in a decent photo op moment, and then they make their way down the ramp to the ring.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a six-man tag team match set for one fall! Introducing first... at a combined weight of six hundred and five pounds... here are HIGH FLYER... TONY DAVIS... and MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER... together, they are... TEEEEAAAAM VIIIIAAAAAAGRRAAAAAA!!!

DT: In any case, Team V.I.A.G.R.A. is no doubt wanting a little payback on Dopesmoker in response to his actions at Wrestleverse!

DM: I’d say it’s due...

MN: Uhh... why’s the babe dressed to compete? I thought she just managed these trailer park all-stars!

DM: In actuality, Mike, Mary-Lynn Mayweather has been capable of some remarkable wrestling prowess, from what I’ve seen of her work outside of Empire Pro. She’s been trained by High Flyer, and I hear she makes an excellent prodigy.

MN: If she’s trained by High Flyer, then I assume we shouldn’t expect much, huh? But seriously, a CHICK?

DT: How’s that a problem, Mike, or does the name “Lindsay Troy” mean nothing to you?

MN: All I think when I hear “Lindsay Troy” is of that dark, Sean Stevens-less blot in Empire Pro history, so YES, that name DOES mean nothing me. But I mean, it’s a six-MAN tag match, right? Wouldn’t it be false advertising when all we can deliver is five guys and some tee-en-aye?

DM: Mike, shut the hell up before somebody kicks your ass... again.

[Team V.I.A.G.R.A. hit the ring with the crowd pumping behind them. All three take separate turnbuckles posing to the crowd in another rare photo op moment as the full team take to the ring together.]

[CUE UP: “Beer, Drugs, and Bishes” by Viking Skull. The fans continue cheering, albeit with slightly less enthusiasm, as the giant duo of “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev and “The Viking Violator” Olvir Arsvinnar stride out onto the stage and astound the crowd with some side-by-side hip-thrusting before proceeding toward the ring.]

TF: And the opponents... at a combined weight of seven hundred and seventy five pounds... “THE SONIC TITAN” IVAN DALKICHEV... “THE VIKING VIOLATOR” OLVIR ARSVINNAR... THE COOOOLOSSAAAALLL CONNNNEEEECTIIIIOOOONNN!!!

DT: Payback won’t be easy for Team V.I.A.G.R.A. as long as THESE twin towers occupy the ring!

MN: Are you kidding, Dave? These guys are PUSHOVERS! They haven’t even won a match since they first joined forces!

DM: Truly, the Colossal Connection have faced some unlucky breaks, but you have to admire their positive attitude and their devotion to the fans. If they can pick up a win tonight, it might just be the spark they need to start dominating the tag team division.

DT: High Flyer and Tony Davis pose as significant tag competitors... but look at the way these two are just OGLING at Mary-Lynn Mayweather as they arrive at the ring!

[CLOSE-UP: A huge, horny grin on Olvir’s face as he looks at Mayweather from across the ring. He gives a seductive flex of his physique leaving women swooning out in the front row, but Mary-Lynn shakes her head and assures him it’s not going to happen.]

MN: My, my... I am impressed! She resisted the irresistible mojo of “the Butt-Dominator”!

DM: The only butt-domination on her mind is her foot in his ass!

DT: Are we forgetting someone here? Where is the sixth man in this match?

[CUE UP: “Holy Mountain” by Sleep. Lukewarm crowd reaction as Dopesmoker’s video package plays. After several long moments, “the Escape Artist” steps out onto the stage looking pale, haggard, and exhausted, sans robe, bong, or other accessories. His appearance is in stark contrast to the grinning and impish character we see in the highlight reels on the EmpireTron. Glossy-eyed and wiping the corners of his whiskered mouth, Dopesmoker wanders down the ramp to the ring.]

TF: And their partner... from Indianapolis, Indiana, and weighing in at two-hundred and twenty one pounds... DDDOOOOOOPESMMOOOOOKEEERRRR!!!

MN: Ask and ye shall receive, Dave!

DM: Just looking at him, I can tell you he’s in no condition to compete tonight.

MN: What are you talking about? He looks FINE! A little grizzlier, yeah, but that just makes him more mannish-looking, you know what I’m saying?

DM: I know enough, Neels... for one, you’re a moron, and two, whatever Dopesmoker is on, it’s BAD. Look at him coming down the ramp now... moving slow as a slug and filthy as a hobo.

MN: I don’t hear anybody complaining about the way Stalker looks. Seriously, look at the INTENSITY in Dopesmoker’s eyes right now. Look at the FOCUS. They’re red with a newfound fire!

DT: No, Neely... they’re red because he’s HIGH.

MN: Say what you will, but even you can’t deny... this new Dopesmoker just kicks more ass than the old one. I can’t help but LOVE the plain ol’ “I don’t give a EFF-BOMB” attitude. Try to live that way myself...

DT: Yeah, we can tell...

[Dopesmoker reaches the ring, lazily rolling himself under the bottom rope. He’s slow to get up, remaining in a seated position for a few moments as if contemplating to himself whether he’s competent enough to stand. Then his head slowly turns to the corner of Team V.I.A.G.R.A., and based on the sinister and unhinged look in his eye, it’s clear that he’s not as messed up as he initially appeared to be. Finally, he pulls himself to his feet with the help of the ropes and goes to his corner.]

DT: Well, after all that... Dopesmoker goes to corner. No shucking and jiving tonight, it seems.

DM: Ivan and Olvir look a little concerned... I wonder if they have their own doubts. But Dopesmoker seems to be reassuring them that he’s good to do this. Now he’s making the same reassurances to the official on duty in this match, Andrew Gardell. I don’t know if I’d trust his word, but at least he’s sober enough to answer the ref.

MN: Good enough for me. Let’s GET IT ON!

DM: Dopesmoker remains in his corner as the Colossal Connection go the apron... and on the other side of the ring, it looks as though Tony Davis is pretty adamant about starting things off for Team VIAGRA. No doubt, he can’t WAIT to get his hands on “The Escape Artist”!

DT: Referee Andrew Gardell gives the cue to the timekeeper...


DT: …and the match is underway! Tony Davis stepping out of his corner... but Dopesmoker seems a little reluctant to meet him in the center of the ring!

DM: A sardonic smirk now appearing on the face of the Dopesmoker as he sees Davis beckoning him to step up and fight... and instead, he defers it over to “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev with the tag!

Crowd: “BOOOOO!!”

DT: The Dopesmoker decides he’d rather back away from this encounter for the time being, and the fans clearly don’t like it!

DM: Can’t say I disagree with them!

MN: Oh, come on! Do you not see the wild and malicious look in Tony Davis’ eyes?! That maniac’s clearly out to seriously HURT somebody tonight!

DT: Considering what was done to him at Wrestleverse, I can’t say I blame him! Regardless, Ivan Dalkichev doesn’t seem to have any qualms with getting right into this match... in a heartbeat, he’s over the ropes in a single step... and he practically BARRELS over Tony Davis as he goes right into the lock-up!

DM: Ivan pushing forward, putting all his weight behind it, and Davis finds himself backed into the corner! Gardell calls for the break, and Ivan quickly backs off...

DT: Ivan is culling Tony Davis right out of that corner... Tony leaps forward right into another lock-up, but Dalkichev just SHOVES him right back into the corner!

MN: That guy is just RIDICULOUSLY huge! What are they feeding these kids in Russia nowadays?!

DM: Here’s Dalkichev, tauntingly flexing to show Tony Davis his immense advantage in size and strength! But Davis, undaunted, comes right back out of the corner... he shoots LOW and quickly slips under Dalkichev’s arms to put the big man in a rear waistlock!

DT: Few have ever had much luck in a grappling battle with the St. Petersburg-born giant, but Tony Davis has quite an abundance of strength himself! Davis trying to take Dalkichev down, but “The Sonic Titan” tries swinging his weight around to cast him off!

DM: Davis not loosening his grip, though! Wait a second... he hooks the leg, and the GIANT GOES DOWN to the mat with a legsweep!

MN: What a punk! He had to go for the injured leg!

DM: Right away, the weakness shows in the big man’s leg as he hits the canvas and loses his positioning! You have to wonder how much of a liability it’s going to be as this match wears on!

DT: Dalkichev slow to react, and Davis quickly slaps on a side headlock before he can make a move! Look at him just WRENCH that forearm into the Russian’s pulsating temples!

MN: It’s like watching someone try to pop a really huge zit...

DM: Davis knows he needs to wear down the giant before “The Sonic Titan” really gets rolling... but Dalkichev still has plenty left in the tank, as he works his way back to his feet! Even Tony Davis’ strength can’t keep the big man down!

DT: Dalkichev advances to his feet... Davis still wrenching that headlock HARD, but Ivan isn’t backing down! Instead, he’s backing UP into the ropes... and Tony Davis is forcibly PUSHED off!

DM: Davis in motion now, off the ropes... OH MAN, and he HITS THE MAT right after running into a brick wall of a shoulder block from Dalkichev! Ivan in motion now, off of the ropes... he bounces over Davis as he goes for the trip... Dalkichev looking for the LARIAT as he rebounds and Davis rises --


DT: Tony Davis DEFTLY avoids the clothesline attempt, and Ivan NEARLY tumbles over the ropes as three-hundred plus pounds of blindly-charging momentum comes to a grinding halt!

DM: Hard to stop all that weight once it gets moving... Ivan, off balance as he comes reeling off the ropes, and he walks right into Davis... Davis PICKS HIM UP WITH THE POWERSLAM!! OH MAN, WHAT POWER!!

Crowd: *POP!!*

MN: WOW...

DT: Tony Davis just managed to slam a four-hundred-plus pound athlete, and that move just SHOOK the ring as the giant went back-first to the mat!

DM: Tony Davis could see Dalkichev’s center of balance was askew, and he just rolled with it! That young man possesses some TRULY remarkable strength!

DT: Dalkichev is stunned on his back, and Davis quickly hooks the leg for a cover!



And it’s BROKEN UP by Olvir Arsvinnar, courtesy of a boot to the back of Davis’ head! Olvir wasn’t about to let this match slip away without getting involved in some part!

MN: Damn... I was kinda hoping for a quick, easy match.

DM: Tony Davis gives Olvir a threatening look after that boot to the head, but Andrew Gardell is already ordering the Viking back into his corner! Davis, meanwhile, has complete control of Ivan Dalkichev, who is still looking a little stunned after that BIG slam... Davis has the big man by the hurt leg, and he’s trying to drag him closer to his corner!

DT: He’s looking to tag out to High Flyer... but wait, he turned his head away from the Raging Russian, and gets BOOTED right into his corner! Dalkichev trying to crawl to his corner now... but Davis instinctively makes the tag to Flyer!

DM: Look out for High Flyer! Flyer, springing to the top rope... OH MAN, he CONNECTS right across the back of Ivan Dalkichev with a diving ELBOW DROP to enter the ring! Dalkichev isn’t escaping this beating anytime soon!

DT: Dalkichev rolls onto his back in pain... but watch Flyer, popping back to his feet! High Flyer off the ropes in a BLUR -- and Dalkichev takes a running 450 SPLASH FROM HIGH FLYER!!

[Crowd: *POP!*]

MN: That guy drinks WAAY too much coffee! He’s only been in the ring for fifteen seconds, and he’s already bouncing off the walls!

DT: High Flyer hooks the legs for a cover...



And this time, Ivan Dalkichev POWERS right out, practically tossing High Flyer off his chest!

DM: I think “The Sonic Titan” has had about ENOUGH of this punishment! Flyer quickly up again as Dalkichev struggles to his feet... Flyer into the ropes... comes back with the LOU THESZ PRESS -- BUT NO, Dalkichev SHUTS IT DOWN with a SPINEBUSTER!!

Crowd: *POP!*

MN: What the hell was he thinking?! Dalkichev’s nearly TWICE his weight!

DT: Dalkichev with an opportunity to make a tag... and he finds “The Viking Violator” Olvir Arsvinnar in his corner! High Flyer back on his feet as Arsvinnar wastes no time stepping into the ring and charging right for him!

DM: Here’s Olvir, right out of the gate, with a RUNNING MJOLNIR BLOW -- OH, and High Flyer just NARROWLY ducked that! Given the power behind that, that would have been a sure knock out!

DT: Olvir spins around... tries the YAKUZA KICK, but High Flyer deftly avoids him again! Arsvinnar’s like a human BUZZSAW in that ring right now, and all Flyer can do is keep his distance!

DM: Olvir going for a HAMMERBLOW this time... and Flyer goes through the LEGS with ease! If the Viking keeps exerting this kind of strength, it won’t be long before he gasses out! But now Flyer finds himself trapped between the powerhouse and the turnbuckle!

MN: Nowhere to go for this pipsqueak now!

DT: Flyer shoots left... but Olvir just SHOVES him right back into the corner! Arsvinnar, winding up... and he just SMASHES his fist into the top turnbuckle! Oh man, that could have been High Flyer’s HEAD if he hadn’t ducked in time!

DM: Flyer laying some shots into the chiseled abs of Olvir Arsvinnar... he’s got no other option now but to FIGHT! Olvir soaks it up like he doesn’t even FEEL IT!

DT: Flyer with a CHOP to those rock hard pectorals, but it barely even PHASED the Norseman! Look... Olvir’s just LAUGHING it off!

DM: Here’s High Flyer, with the knife-edge chop AGAIN... and Olvir just GUFFAWS right in his face!

MN: It’s probably TICKLING him...

DT: Arsvinnar getting carried away with it... now Flyer, turning to the turnbuckle and starting to CLIMB... OH, OUCH!! A hard HOOK KICK right to that long, golden BEARD finally stuns the berserker!

MN: Oh man, the BEARD... his ONLY weakness!

DM: Flyer could have something here... ANOTHER kick sends Olvir spinning around... High Flyer set to the top now... and he comes LEAPING OFF WITH THE BULLDOG to put “the Viking Violator” to the mat!

Crowd: *POP!*

DT: THAT put him down! High Flyer wastes no time going for the cover...



NO!! Olvir’s still pretty fresh in that ring. All the same, Team V.I.A.G.R.A. has so far done an impressive job at handling the size and strength advantages in the Colossal Connection!

DM: They’re really showing some moxy tonight... High Flyer to his corner to tag out and catch a breather... he sees Mary-Lynn Mayweather with her arm outstretched, wanting a tag... but he goes instead for Tony Davis! Mayweather a bit offended by the snub, and High Flyer is already in the process of apologizing as Davis takes to the ring!

MN: Hey, I don’t blame him. You can’t trust ANY woman in the ring with “the Butt-Dominator”, Olvir Arsvinnar!

DT: Olvir recovers as Davis advances... and Davis just BLASTS HIM with a stunning right hand! Arsvinnar shakes his head... and he RETURNS THE FAVOR!

DM: Ooh, Davis rubbing that jaw as he recoils... but there’s a smile on his face as he comes back at Olvir with his fists SWINGING!! Olvir’s there waiting for him, and now both men are going TOE TO TOE in a FLURRY of punches!

[Crowd: *POP!*]

MN: Man, these two just seem a little TOO eager to beat the hell out of each other!

DT: Referee Andrew Gardell seems a tad reluctant to break up these brawling behemoths, and I personally don’t blame him! These guys are just recklessly HAMMERING AWAY at each other!

DM: OOH!! Olvir follows through on a jab with a blow right to the abs of Tony Davis! Davis doubled over... and Arsvinnar puts ALL FOUR KNUCKLES right to the side of his skull!

DT: Davis reeling on his feet now as Olvir gains the upper hand! Olvir CLUBS him right in the chest with a forearm strike, and Tony Davis bounces off the turnbuckle -- OH MY GOD, ARSVINNAR NEARLY KICKS HIS HEAD OFF with the BIG BOOT!!

Crowd: *POP!*

DM: “The Viking Violator” takes a moment to pose for the fans as Tony Davis lies stunned at his feet! Would have been a good opportunity to go for the pin, if you ask me, but I suppose everyone has their own method of doing things...

MN: The man’s got priorities, Dean. It’s not about who wins or loses; it’s about who gets the bigger boobies in their face at the end of the night!

DM: Olvir looking to Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s corner... and there’s a BIG smile on his face as he points to Mary-Lynn Mayweather!

MN: See? I told you! The man wants some BOOTY! I mean, hey, I’d hit it...

DT: In any case, High Flyer is showing that pretty adamant that he’s NOT going to let anything of that sort happen here tonight! Olvir’s attention should probably be on the LEGAL person in the ring right now, however, as Tony Davis is recovered and coming up to him from BEHIND!

DM: Davis hooks the ARMS, and NAILS the FULL-NELSON SLAM before Olvir can even react! Arsvinnar should have kept his eyes on Tony Davis!

MN: Hey, even I’M having trouble keeping my eyes off Mary-Lynn...

DT: Just try to focus on the match, Neely, you idiot... Tony Davis gets Olvir back onto his feet... he draws him in close with the waistlock... could be looking for a belly-to-belly SUPLEX here, but Olvir using his STRENGTH to fight it!

DM: Davis trying to keep his grip as the mighty Olvir tries prying his arms away... and the Viking BREAKS FREE, quickly slapping Davis into a waistlock of his own! Arsvinnar TENSING those python-sized arms right into the lower back of Tony Davis, and he LIFTS HIM RIGHT OFF THE MAT with the bearhug!

DT: Bad position for Davis as Olvir grinds deep into his back!

MN: Oh come on, Dave... most women would LOVE to be in that position right now!

DT: Whatever, Neely... Gardell asking if Davis is giving in, but he shakes him off! Davis trying to get some leverage for his arms now... and he puts a HEAVY FIST right into Olvir’s face! And there’s ANOTHER!!

DM: Davis, doing whatever he can to break free from this submission hold! But Olvir’s just soaking it up! Olvir’s got something in mind... now he’s charging toward the TURNBUCKLE -- OH MAN!! Tony Davis just got SANWICHED right there in the corner!

DT: Tony Davis stumbles out... and walks right into a MILITARY PRESS!! Olvir with a HUGE smile on his face as he pumps Davis a couple times... and just DROPS HIM right to the mat!

DM: Oh man, Davis took a HARD landing on his chest and face after that freefall! Olvir’s definitely taking some of the wind out of Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s sails right now!

DT: Here’s Olvir with a simple cover...



NO! Davis got out the back door!

DM: If he’d hooked the leg, he might have had something... but all the same he’s showing some dominance over Tony Davis. Olvir going back to his corner now, and he tags in Dopesmoker! NOW Dopesmoker gets into the ring...

DT: Of course he’s eager to get involved as he sees Tony Davis in a vulnerable spot...

MN: That’s called “strategeric awareness”, Dave. It’s a ring term.

DM: That’s a load of B-S, Neels, and you know it...

DT: Dopesmoker in the ring with a sadistic smirk on his face... Davis is recovering on the mat, but Dopesmoker runs forward -- OH MAN, HE CONNECTS WITH A SOCCER KICK RIGHT TO THE HEAD as Davis was getting up!

DM: Good thing he doesn’t wear BOOTS in the ring, or that could have been a guaranteed concussion!

DT: Dopesmoker putting those filthy feet to work right into Davis shoulders and FACE! Not sure how much of a good thing that is, Dean-O! Just looking at those grimy toes makes me lose my appetite! When was the last time this guy took a SHOWER?!

MN: Hippies don’t shower, Dave...

DM: Dopesmoker seems to be enjoying himself a bit TOO much right now, seeing Davis in pain and agony under his heels! Dopesmoker putting that foot right across the NECK now... and he grabs ahold of the top rope as he just PUTS ALL HIS WEIGHT down on it!

DT: Gardell telling him to get off, but Dopesmoker completely ignores the referee! Come on, that’s enough!

Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”

DM: The fans have seemingly lost their love for Dopesmoker, as once again, we’re bearing witness to a different, much DIRTIER “Escape Artist” than we’ve ever seen before! Dopesmoker FINALLY breaks the choke after Andrew Gardell practically yanks him off!

DT: The referee gives him a stern warning, but Dopesmoker seems to be listening instead to the audible disapproval of the fans here in attendance tonight! I can only hope those sounds are getting to him on some level and helping him to realize what he’s doing!

MN: Based on that crazy grin on his face, I’d guess not, Dave! The more these people spit on him, the more he’s going to do things to piss them off!

DM: Dopesmoker, jawing with the fans as he takes a breathless Tony Davis by the head and pulls him up to the mat! Dopesmoker sets him into a neutral corner... and OH MAN, he just GOES INTO Davis with a quick combo of right kicks to the abs and the face!

DT: Unusually fast feet for a stoner, but Dopesmoker’s showing that there’s no rust on his martial arts background! He’s got Davis by the arm, and there’s the Irish whip to the opposite corner... Dopesmoker in motion as Davis CONNECTS!


MN: THAT shut this crowd up...

DT: Dopesmoker continues jawing to the ringside fans as he hooks the leg and makes the cover! Could it be over right here?!



NO! Davis with the kickout! He stays alive, but he’s really beginning to get pummelled in there!

DM: Dopesmoker takes Davis by the head before he can fully get to his feet... puts him RIGHT BACK DOWN with a quick snapmare -- and he seamlessly follows through right into a DRAGON SLEEPER!!

DT: Oh man... can Tony Davis outlast this submission attempt?! He’s already spent a long amount of time in that ring, and now Dopesmoker has that sleeper locked in TIGHT, slowly squeezing out what’s left of his stamina!

DM: Dopesmoker’s really digging that knee DEEP into the spine of Tony Davis as he pulls his head back in the inverted facelock! If you ask me, Dave, based on the way “the Escape Artist” has that hold locked in, I’d say he’s aiming to just apply as much PAIN as he possibly can rather than wear him down!

MN: Trynna teach that meat-head just what he GETS when he chooses to mess with an EPW legend!

Crowd: “DA-VIS! DA-VIS! DA-VIS!”

DT: Davis refusing to tap out, but Gardell tells him he needs to make a move! Davis trying to roll over to the side and improve his positioning! Dopesmoker lacks the strength to keep him held in place!

DM: He’s almost got it! Dopesmoker REFUSING to break that Dragon Sleeper! All Davis has to do is crawl to those ropes... but instead, he choose to work his way to his feet! I DON’T BELIEVE IT, he lifts DOPESMOKER OFF THE MAT while he’s still got that hold locked on!

DT: Look at the STRENGTH!! Dopesmoker PANICKING right now as he sees the mat pull away below him... and all at once, he’s DRIVEN RIGHT BACK INTO IT WITH A RUNNING POWERSLAM BY TONY DAVIS!!

Crowd: “POP!!”

DM: What a MASSIVE slam! He crushed Dopesmoker into that mat like a BUG!

MN: Specifically, a roach...

DT: Davis still showing the effects of that Dragon Sleeper, but he has enough left to crawl over, hook the leg, and make the cover!



NO! Dopesmoker desperately kicks out, and now he’s trying to get away!

DM: Davis looking for a chinlock... but “the Escape Artist” just SLIPS OUT and SCRAMBLES to his corner in a mad dash! My God, I’ve never seen anybody so desperate to GET AWAY!

DT: But Davis NABS HIM BY THE HEEL!! He’s not about to let him get away from a deserved beating!

DM: Dopesmoker shaking his head, just about to PANIC!! OH NO!! He BITES BACK with an enziguri, and Davis recoils back to the mat!

MN: Come on, even I saw that coming!

DT: Tag is made to Ivan Dalkichev, and Dopesmoker crawls under the ropes to the outside! He got away this time... but now Tony Davis needs to escape HIMSELF, cause the seven foot Russian giant is coming right for him!

DM: Davis is exhausted... he knows he needs to tag out, and he makes a desperate rush to his corner before Ivan gets his hands on him! He makes a desperate rush, and YES, the tag is made to High Flyer -- but OH MAN, DALKICHEV TAKES HIM OUT WITH A LARIAT RIGHT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!

DT: That sent Davis over the ropes to the ringside floor with a HARD drop! High Flyer trying to make something happen now... he quickly jumps to the TOP ROPE -- FLYER WITH THE HURRICANRANA --

DM: UH OH, DALKICHEV CATCHES HIM on his SHOULDERS!! Dalkichev with a TREMENDOUS POWERBOMB to counter!! The Russian giant is nearly single-handedly laying waste to Team V.I.A.G.R.A. right now!

DT: Here’s Dalkichev, hooking the legs for a cover!



NO!! High Flyer kicked out! I thought for CERTAIN it would have been over right there... I mean, that’s a powerbomb from SEVEN FEET UP!!

MN: His name’s “High Flyer”, Dave. I’d HOPE he has experience falling from high places.

DM: Flyer was supposed to be the help for Tony Davis, who is being tended to by Mary-Lynn Mayweather, but in one swift move, Dalkichev has brought this dynamic team to their knees!

DT: Dalkichev with Flyer on his feet... and he just HEAVES HIM right into the Colossal Connection’s corner! Quick tag made to Olvir who steps in to join Ivan... what do these guys have planned now?!

DM: I don’t know, but this doesn’t bode well for High Flyer! The Colossal Connection draws the daredevil wrestling legend in... Ivan lifts him up -- FALLAWAY SLAM INTO OLVIR -- OH MY GOD, THEY PASTE HIM INTO THE MAT WITH A NORTHERN EXPOSURE!!

MN: Man, two huge guys and one little guy produces HILARIOUS results!

DT: Gardell ordering Ivan out of the ring as Olvir presses both hands into High Flyer’s chest to keep him pinned...



NO!! High Flyer manages to kick out! But Olvir’s not yet finished!

DM: Another hot tag made to Ivan... these guys are going to PULVERIZE High Flyer with their destructive tandem techniques!

DT: Even if High Flyer had the chance to get away, there’s nobody in his corner to tag to with Davis and Mayweather still on the ringside floor! The good news is, Tony Davis looks able to keep going... but how much longer can High Flyer withstand this PUNISHMENT?!

DM: The Colossal Connection see they have an opportunity to PUT THIS AWAY!! Olvir calling Ivan in front of him... OH MAN, THE VIKING LIFTS UP THE FOUR-HUNDRED POUND RUSSIAN GIANT ONTO HIS SHOULDERS!! WHAT AMAZING STRENGTH!!


[SFX: *SLAMMM!!!*]

Crowd: *POP!*


DM: Flyer saw what was coming and got the hell out of dodge... Dalkichev stunned on the mat, and Olvir’s already being forced back to the apron by the referee before he can do anything about it! High Flyer’s got his chance to make a tag, and he’s crawling to Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s corner!

DT: His teammates see he’s in trouble... and Mary-Lynn Mayweather is the first person back on the apron to receive a tag!

MN: Oh man, now THAT is a bad idea waiting to happen...

DM: I guess he’s got no other choice other! Davis still looks hurt, and he’s gotta get back to that apron before these giants rip him in half! High Flyer with the TAG Mary-Lynn Mayweather!

Crowd: *POP!... and some catcalls from the misogynist assholes in the audience.*

DT: Mary-Lynn Mayweather SERIOUSLY has her work cut out for her now... Ivan Dalkichev back on his feet, rubbing his chest... and now he sees who’s standing across the ring from him! Suddenly, it’s as if he feels no pain whatsoever!

DM: Olvir’s got that huge smile on his face again... I think he wants a tag, but Ivan says he’s going to handle this! Mary-Lynn, meanwhile, is ready for action... you really have to admire that kind of courage.

MN: Yeah, she’s about to get tag teamed by two guys who are four times her weight. It takes a courageous woman to agree to that... as I already know, from many of Ivan and Olvir’s films.

DT: Mayweather stepping in... OOH!! Nice force on a quick spinning backhand chop... but Ivan just shrugs it off! She just doesn’t have enough to go toe to toe with a Russian behemoth like that!

DM: Mayweather tries again, but Dalkichev effortlessly bats her arms away and practically SMOTHERS her in a rear waistlock!

MN: Oh yeah... I’m liking THIS position!

DT: Mayweather trying to wrangle loose, but Ivan’s got nearly her entire lower TORSO trapped in those massive arms! He’s got a bemused smirk on his face, and it’s clear he’s just TOYING with Mary-Lynn at this point! Maybe High Flyer made a mistake putting her into the ring...

DM: Dalkichev in distance to his corner, and Olvir is practically BOUNCING ON HIS FEET wanting a tag!

MN: Uhh... isn’t this a six-man tag? Where’s the sixth guy?

DM: …good observation, Mike. What happened to Dopesmoker?! I haven’t seen him since he tagged out and ran out of the ring with his tail between his legs!

DT: There’s a good chance he’s hiding under the ring, but hell if I knew what he was up to down there... more importantly right now, this situation is looking bleak for Mayweather as Dalkichev reaches over and TAGS IN the man known as “the Butt-Dominator” in certain adult film circles!

MN: It’s time for Mary-Lynn to take one for Team V.I.A.G.R.A.!

DM: Olvir into the ring with much enthusiasm, and NOW Mayweather looks worried! She’s completely defenseless to “the Viking Violator”, who advances with his hands open and just wanting to GROPE... but Mary-Lynn fends him off with a swift kick to the abs!

DT: Olvir felt THAT... Mayweather trying to squirm free from Dalkichev, but he’s not giving her an inch... OH WOW, MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER WITH A BICYCLE KICK to Dalkichev’s FOREHEAD!!

MN: Wow... she can kick REALLY high!

DM: Mayweather slips through his arms and reaches back... she’s got Ivan in a three-quarter facelock... OH MAN, AND SHE GOES FOR THE SLICED BREAD NUMBER FOUR!!

Crowd: *POP!!*

DT: Here she goes! Mary-Lynn back on her feet, and here comes Olvir charging right at her... AND SHE TAKES HIM DOWN WITH A LEGSWEEP!! Olvir pops up, but Mary-Lynn is already in motion off the ROPES -- LOW DROPKICK TO THE FACE!!

DM: WOW!! Right to the BEARD! Meanwhile, Dalkichev is back on his feet... and the titan comes right after her! Mayweather backed into the ropes... OH WAIT!! SHE PULLS DOWN ON THE TOP ROPE, and the MOMENTUM just sends Ivan Dalkichev over her head, over the ropes, and landing in a giant-sized HEAP on the ring floor!

DT: I can’t believe what I’m seeing! The unassuming Mary-Lynn Mayweather has just single-handedly MOPPED THE FLOOR with both members of the Colossal Connection!

MN: She’s uh... she’s really something else, huh?


DT: The fans are rallying behind Mayweather as Olvir fumbles to his feet... wait a second, who’s that peering up from the other side of the ring?

DM: It’s DOPESMOKER!! I guess he WAS hiding under the ring the entire time, the sneaky goat bastard!

MN: Just getting a feel for the situation... he has to make sure Tony Davis doesn’t rip his head off, after all.

DT: I’d have to wonder why he’s still in HIDING while his tag partner in Olvir Arsvinnar is in a position where he may need to tag out!

DM: Olvir looking disoriented, but nevertheless, he’s back on his feet, and no longer is there a horny smile on his face! Arsvinnar coming in with a HEAVY hammerblow, but Mayweather nimbly CARTWHEELS to the side, avoiding a crushing strike!

DT: Mary-Lynn has to watch herself now that the Norsemen is going into berserk mode! Mayweather backed into the corner, and here comes Olvir with a RUNNING LARIAT -- NO!! She ducked out of the way and let him run RIGHT into the turnbuckle!

DM: She’s doing a good job of using Olvir’s own reckless strength and rage against him! Arsvinnar staggering... and Mayweather goes up to the TOP ROPE!!

MN: Oh man... I doubt she learned how to do THIS at law school!

DT: Time to see if High Flyer’s lesson have paid off... Mary-Lynn OFF THE TOP WITH A MOONSAULT -- OH NO, OLVIR CAUGHT HER ON HIS SHOULDER!!


DT: For a moment there, I thought Dopesmoker was GONE from this match, but instead it seemed like he was just waiting for the perfect opportunity... Olvir back to the apron now after the assist... man, Mayweather took that move from a VERY dangerous height! All the momentum that young lady had is now GONE in one swift moment!

MN: All it takes a single mistake. But hey... I imagine Olvir and Ivan were just going easy on her starting off anyway. You know, it’s no good to just kick a girl’s ass right out of the gate... there’s no fun in that.

DT: Dopesmoker getting Mayweather to her feet now and leading her to the ropes... COME ON, he’s BLATANTLY got her by the hair! Mary-Lynn is SCREAMING in pain!

DM: That bastard! Dopesmoker unceremoniously DUMPS Mayweather across the second rope, but now Gardell’s giving him a deserved earful over the pulling of the hair! Dopesmoker’s just pretending like he’s too HIGH to hear him right now, but he knows damn well what he just did!

DT: Dopesmoker brushes the referee aside... OH MY GOD, NOW he’s using that KNEE across the back of her HEAD to CHOKE HER against the SECOND ROPE!!

Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!”

DM: That’s just disgusting! Gardell not even bothering giving Dopesmoker a warning count... he just pulls him off and tells him he’s going to ring the bell if he sees something like that again!

MN: Come on, this is complete sexist discrimination. You guys are just getting all steamed about it because she’s a GIRL, but you watch guys do that to each other all the time.

DT: At any rate, the other members of Team V.I.A.G.R.A. clearly aren’t liking what they’re seeing, giving some choice words to Dopesmoker, but it just seems to roll off his back...

MN: He’s a true professional... he doesn’t let playground antics get under his skin.

DM: Whatever, Neels. “The Escape Artist” is in another place tonight... a DARK place... Gardell keeps the competitors separated until Mayweather comes to her feet and lets go of the ropes. You really have to admire the fighting spirit we’re seeing tonight in Mary-Lynn Mayweather...

DT: Mary-Lynn wipes the sweat from her brow and gets ready to go toe to toe with Dopesmoker! Dopesmoker LAUGHS in the face of her defiance!

MN: Probably because he knows he’s about to kick her ditzy red head clean off!

DM: Mayweather is trained in Capoeira and perfectly capable of holding her own... Dopesmoker, meanwhile, doing is best mock Bruce Lee impression as he dances around on one leg, taking the center of the ring while Mayweather circles... and he advances in with a SIDEKICK -- NO!! Mayweather sidesteps and COUNTERS with a sharp elbow to the side of the head!

DT: Dopesmoker reeling... no wait, HE BITES BACK WITH A HOOK KICK with blurring speed that glances Mayweather, but doesn’t put her down! Mayweather backing up, and Dopesmoker shuffling his feet... OH MY, she JUST misses an axe kick -- but DOESN’T MISS the RIGHT HAND straight to the abdomen on the follow up!

DM: Mary-Lynn doubled over... Dopesmoker looking for the KNEE TO THE HEAD -- but Mayweather CATCHES THE LEG and spins him around!


MN: BA-BAM!! I called it...

DM: Mary-Lynn is OUT COLD on the mat... and it’s no surprise, after Dopesmoker landed that heel PERFECTLY!

DT: Dopesmoker standing tall after the exchange, smirking to the fans... gives the viewing audience a NINJA BOW, and... OH MY, WHAT A STANDING MOONSAULT!! Dopesmoker HOOKS THE LEGS!! He MAY HAVE IT!!



NO!! Broken up by Tony Davis! Good save...

DM: But Davis isn’t done! He’s ignoring Andrew Gardell’s demands to go to the apron, because he wants his PIECE of Dopesmoker! Dopesmoker, being wrangled to his feet... LIFTED UP... OH MAN, and nearly BROKEN IN HALF with a BACKBREAKER!!

MN: Why the hell isn’t the ref doing his job here?! Davis is completely out of line right now!

DT: Here come the Colossal Connection now, to the aid of Dopesmoker! Andrew Gardell has just lost control of the match as the twin towers PUMMEL AWAY at Tony Davis! High Flyer jumping the ropes to help out his partner... and he goes right for Ivan Dalkichev!

DM: OH, OUCH!! Running dropkick RIGHT TO THE BAD KNEE!! Dalkichev practically COLLAPSES under his own weight! He tries to rally back with the help of the ropes, but High Flyer’s already BACK ON TOP of a TURNBUCKLE --


MN: That’s one way to get that fat ass out of the ring...

DM: Olvir working away on Davis in the corner... here’s the Irish Whip -- NO!! Davis REVERSES, and OLVIR connects with the turnbuckle!!

DT: Arsvinnar staggering... hold on, Mary-Lynn Mayweather GETS HIM IN A HANDSPRING HEADSCISSOR OUT OF NOWHERE!! OH MAN, she THROWS THE VIKING THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR alongside Ivan Dalkichev!

Crowd: *POP!!*

MN: This is ridiculous! Is the ref going to restore order or WHAT?!

DT: Team V.I.A.G.R.A. are beginning to rally... and Davis quickly gets to the corner to give Mary-Lynn Mayweather the chance to tag out! Tag is MADE... and now it’s DAVIS into the ring, and he’s finally got a chance to get his hands on Dopesmoker!

DM: Meanwhile, on the outside... Olvir and Ivan getting to their feet, trying to rally... here’s High Flyer, sliding back into the ring and giving the nod to Mary-Lynn! What’s planned here...?


Crowd: *SUPER-POP!!!*

MN: Was that really necessary?

DT: Of course it was... they have Davis all the time he NEEDS to get some sweet revenge!

DM: Dopesmoker ON HIS KNEES, begging Davis not to hurt him... but there’s not a CHANCE IN HELL!

DT: Davis with a STIFF KICK to Dopesmoker’s chest... he brings him up the rest of the way with a front facelock... hooks the tights, and LIFTS HIM STRAIGHT INTO THE AIR!!

Crowd: “OOOOOOH!!”

MN: One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...

DM: Davis is letting all the blood rush into Dopesmoker’s head!

DT: Oh, I bet he’s feeling REAL high now! Dopesmoker lingering in the air... and Davis BRINGS HIM DOWN HARD with the VERTICLE SUPLEX!!

DM: Tony Davis has the chance to go for the cover... but “the Escape Artist” instinctively rolls under the ropes to the floor to buy himself some time!

MN: Smart move, if you ask me.

DT: Davis waiting in the ring as Andrew Gardell begins the count on Dopesmoker... meanwhile, looks like we’ve got an altercation happening between Mayweather and Arsvinnar on the other side of the ring!

DM: Mayweather putting some shots to the face of Olvir, but he’s just shrugging it off!

MN: Time for that BUTT to get DOMINATED!!

DT: Arsvinnar COMING AFTER HER, and now Mary-Lynn is running away! Clearly, he’s got more than just wrestling on the mind right now!

DM: Gardell up to four... Dopesmoker is back on his feet with the help of the apron, but the pain shows on his face! Now that pain becomes RAGE!

DT: Dopesmoker... goes to the timekeeper? Wait a second... what’s the meaning of this? Dopesmoker’s getting the CHAIR from him! Not THIS again!

MN: Why not? Worked well enough the first time!

Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”

DM: Davis doesn’t seem to care! He’s telling Dopesmoker to BRING IT! Gardell warning him not to bring the chair back into the ring, but it falls on deaf ears! Dopesmoker rolls back under the ropes brandishing that CHAIR!

DT: Dopesmoker holding it up HIGH and threatening to bludgeon Davis where he stands! All that separates him from doing it is Andrew Gardell standing in his way ORDERING HIM to put it down! Is he crazy enough to get himself DISQUALIFIED at this point?!

DM: Who knows what that maniac is thinking right now! Gardell giving him a final warning... either he throws the chair out, or he’s ringing the bell!

DT: NOW Dopesmoker listens... he nods to the referee, and yes... he’s going to the ropes to throw that chair out and get back to the match. For a minute there, I thought he was really going to --


Crowd: *GASP!!*

DT: NO!! Davis STOPS HIM with a boot to the gut! Dopesmoker drops the chair and Davis kicks it to the side... he’s got the ARMS LOCKED...


DT: No escape THIS TIME!! Tony Davis makes the cover...




[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound gang. Tony Davis boosts up to his feet and pumps both fists as the fans cheer approvingly around him and Dopesmoker lies unmoving at his feet. Olvir’s chase after Mary-Lynn Mayweather comes to an end when he nearly runs into a recovering Ivan Dalkichev and the two come to the disappointing realize that they’ve lost yet again.]


DM: There were some harrowing moments against the Colossal Connection, and Dopesmoker tried every dirty trick he could think of tonight to give his team the edge, but despite the odds, Team V.I.A.G.R.A. remained united and pulled out a solid win here tonight!

MN: Is anybody really surprised? I mean, REALLY? I knew the Colossal Connection were going to lose... they ALWAYS lose. Seeing a real talent like Dopesmoker take the pin, though... well, even I’ll admit, I’m a little shocked to see that happen.

DT: Dopesmoker’s madness got carried away with him when he tried to bring that chair into the ring, and he paid the price for it. Hopefully, he learns a valuable lesson from this experience...

DM: If he hasn’t already, I’m sure he will in just a moment! I don’t think Davis is finished yet! Now that the match is over, he’s picking up the chair and waiting for Dopesmoker to get to his feet!

Crowd: “F*CK-HIM-UP!! F*CK-HIM-UP!! F*CK-HIM-UP!!”

DT: Oh man, is he really going to do it?!

MN: If he does, then he’s no better than the Dopesmoker, if you think about it!

DM: I’d say if you act out line, you deserve what you ask for.

DT: Here’s Ivan Dalkichev, reentering the ring... and now he’s standing in the way! He’s not about to watch anything happen to his longtime friend and tag partner while he’s defenseless!

MN: Ivan’s also got the thicker skull, so if anybody were to eat a chair, it’d probably be better if it were him.

[CLOSE UP: Fierce conviction and respect in Tony Davis eyes as he nods and just throws the chair to Ivan’s feet.]

Crowd: *POP!!*

DT: And Davis drops the chair! I guess he’s willing to call it even! That’s a good show of sportsmanship on the part of Tony Davis!

MN: Oh whatever... he just doesn’t want to get his head ripped off by that mastodon.

[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang as Davis steps through the ropes and joins the rest of Team V.I.A.G.R.A. at ringside. The three enjoy a quick celebration before waving to the fans. Dalkichev watches them from in the ring as a groggy Dopesmoker gets to his feet, head tilted to the side and eyes rolled back like a zombie.]

DT: At any rate, it was an impressive win for Team V.I.A.G.R.A. tonight, with the help of their longtime manager Mary-Lynn Mayweather!

DM: I gotta say, she looked good in the ring tonight.

MN: Damn RIGHT she did!

DM: Not THAT, you moron... I mean in terms of wrestling. High Flyer and Tony Davis definitely have more than just a manager in her.

DT: Folks, we’ll be right back after these messages, but first --

[SFX: *CRACK!!*]

Crowd: *GASP!!*

DT: Wait, WHAT THE HELL -- ?!


[PAN TO: The ring, revealing the sight of “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev rolling on the mat in agony as he clutches his wounded leg. Standing over him, blank-faced, is Dopesmoker with the chair in his hands.]


DM: I think he DID, DAVE!!

[As if to confirm their suspicions, a snarl forms across Dopesmoker’s face as he brings the chair down Ivan’s leg... again and again.]


Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!!”


DM: Olvir in the ring to stop him... but Dopesmoker SEES HIM COMING -- !!

[SFX: *CRACK!!*]


MN: Are you KIDDING?! This is the MOST SANE we’ve seen him YET! These guys have been weighing him down for YEARS!

DM: Oh, you’re just as crazy as he is, Neels! Earlier tonight, Ivan Dalkichev said Dopesmoker was like a BROTHER to him, and now THIS?!

DT: There’s a cold and unfeeling look in Dopesmoker’s eyes, ladies and gentlemen... it’s like he realizes everything he’s doing, but just doesn’t understand it! Wait a second, what’s he doing NOW... he’s climbing the TURNBUCKLE and taking that CHAIR with him!

DM: I think he’s got SADISTIC motives for Ivan Dalkichev! Come on, now, he’s completely defenseless!

MN: Go for it, Dopesmoker! Where was this moron when you needed help anyway?

DT: Dopesmoker perched on top with the chair tucked under his arm! Ivan Dalkichev is looking up at him, unable to believe this shocking betrayal!!

DM: Don’t DO IT, Erik!!

MN: He can’t hear you now, Dean-O!

DT: Dopesmoker comes FLYING OFF THE TOP ROPE -- !!




Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!!”

[Silence on commentary as Ivan Dalkichev flails in pain in the ring, clutching the knee and filling the arena with bass-heavy howls of agony. Dopesmoker paces around him impatiently, as if undecided as to whether he’s proud or disgusted with his own actions. He looks completely lost.]

DT: I’m just... SPEECHLESS folks! Erik Black has gone off the deep end tonight!

DM: He’s always been unpredictable... but I never ONCE thought I’d witness him turn on his own friend like this!

MN: He was going to get smart sooner or later.

Crowd: *POP!!*

MN: Oh man, not THESE guys again!

[CUT TO: The ramp as Team V.I.A.G.R.A., who have bore witness to all these, come charging back into the ring.]

DT: It’s Team V.I.A.G.R.A. to the rescue of their own OPPONENTS!

DM: Dopesmoker is OUT OF THE RING before they can get to him! That goat bastard can’t run FOREVER!

MN: Just watch him, Dean!

[Dopesmoker, showing no emotion, hops the barricade and shoves fans out of his way as he sulks his way out of the arena. Davis and High Flyer glare after him as they tend to the wounded Dalkichev and a dazed Olvir Arsvinnar. Ring officials start jogging down the ramp and slide into the ring as it becomes clear Ivan is hurt.]

DT: This doesn’t look good for Ivan Dalkichev. That leg was in pretty bad shape to begin with after Dis did a number on it on Wrestleverse.

DM: Wouldn’t be surprised to see “The Sonic Titan” sidelined for a while as a result of this. But somebody has to make Dopesmoker pay for his actions. He was out of line tonight... and just shut up, Neels, cause I already know what you’re going to say.

MN: Uhh... kay?

DT: EMTs are coming to the ring now in a motorized cart! That’s the only thing we’ve got in the arena to carry a man as heavy as Ivan Dalkichev out of here!

MN: Man, that’s pathetic...

DT: Shut up, Neely! Folks, we’re going to take a quick break. Hopefully, the damage isn’t serious for Ivan Dalkichev. It would be a real shame to see a veteran athlete’s career come to end tonight... especially in THIS way. Don’t go away, cause we’ve got more action on the way!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Wrong Turn

[Heels clicking, followed by a moving camera catching up with Caitlyn Daymon who is walking in the parking garage of the arena. She is talking on a cell phone as the camera just reaches close enough to catch the sound.]

Caitlyn: I gave him the night off. I'm only coming here to talk to Dan Ryan. Hopefully I can talk some sense into him.

[She pauses and turns her head looking off in a different direction then the camera, as if she heard a sound. She stares into the darkness while still holding the cell phone close to her ear. After a few moments Caitlyn turns towards the camera and frowns as she walks towards the camera man.]

Caitlyn: I gotta go. I'll talk to you later. As for you... why are you following me out here?

Tom the camera man: Lesbian told me to shoot some footage out here during the show... I had no idea you'd be....

[Before Tom the camera man can finish his sentence shadows move quickly off in the distance and a loud running sound can be heard, as Caitlyn turns to look she is blindsided by a forearm from none other than Jason Reeves. Tom reaches out to help her but the lenses catches Jason's look and he immediately backs off.]

Stalker: Get the hell out of here, camera boy. Before you end up like her!

[Jason reaches down and yanks up the fallen Caitlyn Daymon by her arm, she groans in pain and tries to fend him off. Jason grabs her by the back of the head and starts walking her towards the arena entrance.]

Stalker: You think you were just going to flat out attack me at Wrestleverse and not suffer any backlash? If you did.. well then you are by far dumber then I imagined. I'm going to make an example out of you for the rest of these clowns that doubt me. LET'S GO!

[Tom the camera man stands in silence as he watches Jason Reeves force Caitlyn into the arena and then disappear behind a closed door.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Intercontinental Title Match: Impulse (c) vs. Steven Shane

[Tony Fatora stands in the ring as the bell rings.]

TF: The following contest is set for one fall, and it is for the EPW Intercontinental Championship! [Pop!]

[MUSIC UP: “Power” by Kanye West. The crowd pops as Steven Shane rises through a lift in the stage to appear on top of the rampway, pyro cascading around him as he stands soaking in the crowd’s cheers as he makes his way to the ring.]

TF: Introducing the challenger from Hollywood, California…He weighs in at 253 pounds…”Sensational!” STEVEN!! SHANE!!

DT: This crowd giving Steven Shane a loud ovation as he makes his way to the ring.

DM: Shane has already captured the Tag Titles in his time here in EPW and now he has a chance to win a singles title and really establish himself as a man on the rise.

MN: I hate him and I hate Impulse, this match will only entertain me if one or both of them suffer a severe injury.

[MUSIC UP: “Revolution Baby” by Queen V. The crowd pops LOUD as Impulse, flanked by Calico Rose, makes his way to the ring. Impulse has on a black “Make your own Revolution” T-Shirt with the letters JFZ written emblazoned on it. The EPW IC Title draped over his shoulder. Impulse high fives the fans as he and Rose make their way to the ring.]

TF: And his opponent, hailing from New York, New York, weighing in at 188 pounds, he is the Intercontinental Champion…IMPULSE!!

DT: The champion making his way to the ring with this crowd giving him huge support, Impulse may even be rivaling our World Champion with fan support.
DM: Yes, it is something how the fans of EPW have rallied behind Impulse and he is now determined to be a fighting champion and honor his newly won title.

MN: Man I just want to throw up in my mouth listening to you two talk. How anyone could bother themselves with worrying about what the rubes think about them makes my head hurt.

[Impulse quickly hands the belt to the ref who shows it to Steven Shane and then holds it aloft to the crowd, he then hands it to the time keeper and after a beat calls for the bell, starting action.]

DT: And we’re underway in this match, the two men lock up, impulse quickly transitions to an arm bar and now [Woo’s!] laces into the chest of Shane with knife edge chops! Shane is rocked and Impulse goes off the ropes…DROPS SHANE WITH A SHOULDER BLOCK!

DM: Impulse giving up about 60 pounds in this match, but he knows if you get the bigger opponent wobbling and use some momentum, you can take down just about anyone!

MN: Man, you two must be so happy now that New York has legalized gay marriage, now once Impulse finally dumps his strumpet of a girlfriend you two can finally fight for the right to have your love of this man recognized by the law.

DT: Impulse now grabs an ankle and kicks away at the leg of Shane, Impulse with a spinning toe hold, not looking like he’s going for a figure four here, content to just work the knee of Shane with this move. Shane kicking with his free leg trying to get Impulse away…Impulse now DROPS DOWN driving his knee into the leg of Shane! Shane rolls away from Impulse and slowly pulls himself to his feet via the ropes.

DM: Impulse showing us why he might just be the best wrestler in the industry today, he’s just taking Steven Shane apart.

MN: Great he’s looked good, whatever, let’s induct him into the EPW Hall of Fame, carve his face into the Mount Rushmore of wrestling, ugh, you two got me rooting for Steven Shane now, which I thought would never happen.

DT: Shane now gets a collar and elbow tie up and pushes Impulse to a corner, ref calling for a break, Shane with a forearm to the chest of Impulse, and now he whips Impulse to the other corner, no Impulse with a reversal and he catches Shane with a dropkick as he stumbles out of the corner!

DM: impulse on fire, and Shane showing a bit of frustration there unwilling to give a clean break.

DT: Shane gets to his feet and catches a kick to the gut from Impulse and now one to the leg…Impulse with another dropkick! NO! Shane swats him away and Impulse crashes to the mat. Shane now grabs Impulse and lifts him for a suplex…Impulse escapes and lands behind Shane, Impulse with a roll up!




DM: Just like that Impulse almost ends the match, he is so quick!

DT: Shane pops to his feet and a wild swing gets ducked by Impulse who fires back with a knee to the body and a VICIOUS HIGH KICK TO THE HEAD! SHANE’S DOWN AND IMPULSE COVERS!




DM: It wasn’t the Sudden Impact to the jaw, but Impulse landed with some force there, I thought it could be over.

MN: Man, Steven Shane isn’t even putting up a fight in there this is getting to be a slaughter.

DT: Impulse now waiting on Shane to get to his feet…Impulse off the ropes with a cross body…SHANE CAUGHT HIM! Shane now holding Impulse, ready to slam him…OH MY LORD HE JUST THREW IMPULSE OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!

MN: I hope he broke his neck again! Finally something exciting!

DM: You’re a monster Neely.

MN: I know.

DT: Shane out to the floor and now he grabs Impulse and lifts him up, DROPS HIM THROAT FIRST ON THE RAILING!

DM: Shane pulling out all the stops here, and some of this crowd are not liking it at all.

MN: He’s finally wising up, this is the big leagues, if you want to be a champion you have to break a few rules, you want to be the man, then get the job done first and worry about the 6 year old kids second!

DT: Shane rolls Impulse into the ring and now stomping away at the head and neck of Impulse. Shane has turned this match around in his favor, but he’s not exactly been above board in doing so. Shane sends Impulse into the ropes…TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! SHANE WITH A COVER!




DT: Impulse won’t quit…Shane grabs him, INVERTED DDT! Shane continues to punish the neck area, Shane off the drops now…LEG DROP ON IMPULSE! HE COVERS!




DM: Impulse refusing to quit here, you know that it will take an awful lot for anyone to put the champion away.

MN: Well with Steven Shane getting down to business, I think he’s got the tools needed to get it done, bring this home Shane!

DT: Shane now pulls Impulse into the middle of the ring and now he hooks him up…CALIFORNIA CLUTCH!! HE’S GOT THE SHARPSHOOTER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

MN: Tap Impulse! Tap!

DT: Impulse fighting to get to the ropes, but he’s got a long way to go and he’s pulling a really big guy with him…Impulse now reaching back…He trips Shane! Impulse now going for a Sharpshooter of his own…Shane to close to the ropes and both men fall to the mat…Now they struggle to their feet and Shane grabs Impulse and whips him to the corner…No a reversal! NO! Another counter and Impulse gets whipped to the OTHER corner…INTO THE REF!! OH MY SHANE CHARGED IN AND HE JUST CLASHED HEADS WITH IMPULSE AFTER IMPULSE SMASHED INTO THE REF!!! All three men are down and out in the ring!

DM: You hate to have a match marred by the controversy of a downed official, we need Pat Jones or somebody to get out here to call this match.

MN: To hell with that, no ref, no rules, let’s do this!

DT: Shane slowly stirring and now he’s rolling to the floor…He’s got the belt! Shane enters the ring with Impulse’s title belt…And now he’s waiting for Impulse to get up!

MN: This is it! Do it Shane, knock this kid into next week and make yourself a champion!

DT: This crowd is buzzing, screaming, they do NOT want to see Steven Shane do this. Shane pacing back and forth as Impulse is slowly stirring to his feet…Impulse is up but he’s on rubber legs, his head smacked into the ref’s and then hit Shane, he could be concussed…Shane measuring him…He’s standing there with the belt at the ready…NO! He shook his head no, Shane throws the belt out of the ring! He’s not going to try to win the match that way!

MN: What an idiot!





[Bell rings, MUSIC UP: “Revolution Baby” by Queen V]

TF: Here is your winner…And STILL Intercontinental Champion…IMPULSE!!!

[Impulse half stumbles, half falls out of the ring but lands on his feet, Calico Rose runs over to him and helps him keep his balance, after shaking his head a couple times, Impulse raises an arm in victory as the equally dazed ref hands him the belt.]

DT: What a move, Impulse out of nowhere countering Shane’s Superkick with one of his own to score the victory and retain the Intercontinental Champion here tonight.

MN: He didn’t win that match, Steven Shane lost it, he had it in his hands…LITERALLY and threw it away, if he’s just blasted Impulse with that belt you two would be whining about how Steven Shane won the match, but he would be your champion and you would just have to accept it!

DT: I don’t know if that’s true Neely, what I do know is Impulse has kept the gold in a hard fought match and we’ll be right back after this!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Opportunity Knocks You to the Ground

["Did my Time" by Korn blares over the PA system. The crowd turns into a loud chorus of boos and hisses. Jason Reeves steps out from behind the curtains with a struggling Caitlyn behind him. She tries to wrench her arm free but he no sells it as he continues dragging her towards the ring. They get to the steps and Jason orders her up, she doesn't go quietly as her screams can be heard over the chorus of boos.]

DT: Why has this maniac dragged Caitlyn to the ring?

MN: Well, maybe she shouldn't get involved in his business!

DM: He gets involved in EVERYONE'S BUSINESS. It's about time someone, even if it's Caitlyn, tries to take him out.

MN: Good luck on that.

[Jason pulling out a pair of handcuffs, drags Caitlyn towards the ring post and latches her in place. His face turns to a huge grin as he asks for a mic from the timekeeper.]

Stalker: I am sure you weren't expecting to be caught in this position tonight Caitlyn, otherwise you would've had your douche bag of a henchman with you. No worries I would've handled him just fine on my way to you.

[Caitlyn let's out some inaudible cuss words and even spits in Jason's direction.]

Stalker: Calm down, you are going to be out here a while, but don't worry, I'll get around to settling our business.

[Trying to wrench herself free, she finally gives up and slouches down a bit. The fans have yet to stop booing and Stalker turns towards them with a smile across his face.]

Stalker: Thank you all so much for your support, it's good to know how much I'm loved around here. Especially considering that soon I will be representing Empire Pro Wrestling as it's World Champion.

[Boos get louder.]

Stalker: Oh what? You didn't know? You've got a champion wearing a belt that he doesn't deserve and you've got a challenger, in me, who the champion ducks every chance he gets. I've been calling this b*tch out for how long now and the best he had to offer me was a sneak attack after I b*tch slapped him around in the locker room.

Anarky is a joke, his reign is a joke and he should not even be champion.

We all saw what happened, The First, an epic failure that he is, got the help he needed and still walked away the loser. Not that it shouldn't be unexpected. Anarky got lucky and he continues to get lucky. Copycat was nothing more than a shell of himself at Wrestleverse, so yeah Anarky won, just like I predicted.

ME! I guaranteed that Anarky. Just like I guarantee that when I get my hands on you and fight for MY BELT, I will destroy you in that ring and rip that title out of your un-wanting hands.

You see all of this, Anarky?

[Jason points out to the arena, then to the ring and then glares back into the camera.]

Stalker: I... RUN.. this SH*T! I've been deciding fates for years while YOU haven't been caring about your climb to the top. While YOU HAVEN'T been caring that you carry the most important title in this company, I HAVE BEING ORCHESTRATING YOUR DEMISE. No one else has had a chance to lose that title to me, because I NEVER DECIDED IT WAS TIME! UNTIL NOW! You sorry f*ck.

That's right... my decision and when you see Dan Ryan forced to sign our match don't go crying a river, because I told you it was coming...... now as for you.

[Pointing at Caitlyn, Jason stalks over to her. She is huddled down screaming at him.]

Stalker: You tried to break my ankle, you tried to do worse but Dan Ryan sent security down to stop you. You pleaded to Anarky for help, he didn't listen, you pleaded to the ENTIRE EPW for help, they didn't listen. There is no one... and I mean no one that will save your sorry ass from me. Don't you wish now that you just stayed at home instead of starting this crusade?!?

[Jason loads up his fist while holding the mic and......]


[Stalker pauses and looks up at the ramp as Lesbian Siegel steps out onto the stage.]

LESBIAN SIEGEL: Don't do anything you'll regret. Stalker, I'm authorized to make you an offer concerning your desire for a World Title shot... but first.. you have to let her go.

[Stalker smiles a sick, evil grin and shakes his head, mouthing 'no way'.]

LESBIAN SIEGEL: Do you want a title shot or NOT?

[Stalker's smile slowly fades as he looks back down at Caitlyn, who stares up in terror. Stalker's eyes narrow as he looks back as Lesbian Siegel, then he turns back to Caitlyn and brings the mic back to his lips.]

Stalker: Go. Go before I change my mind....

[Caitlyn quickly scurries from the ring and gets out of harm's way, making it up the ramp and behind Lesbian Siegel who puts a hand on her shoulder as she walks by.]

LESBIAN SIEGEL: Good. Now, management had decided on one of two options, and it all depends... depended... on your cooperation. Since you've allowed Caitlyn to go, I'm offering you this.... If you pin Anarky tonight in the tag team match... you will get a shot at Anarky's World Title at Russian Roulette IV. No strings attached. But... if you should lay a finger on Caitlyn for the rest of the night, or step out of line in any way... that offer will be rescinded...

[CUT TO: Stalker in the ring, listening intently.]

LESBIAN SIEGEL: Do we have a deal?

[Stalker - looking on thoughtfully.... smiles... and does a mock bow.]

[Lesbian Siegel nods and turns around, walking through the curtain to the back, and Stalker follows.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Let's Pause For An Unnecessary Reference Most of You Won't Get

[CUT TO: A commercial for...


EPW doesn't do commercials on shows, you COCKSUCKING DOLT.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Main Event: Anarky (c) & Larry Tact vs. Stalker & Dis

DT: Welcome back to Aggression, EPW fans, as we get ready for tonight’s main event!

[CUE UP: “Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes. The crowd boos vociferously as Dis steps through the curtains. He stops at the top of the entrance ramp to soak in the jeers, then heads down toward the ring]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team matchup is tonight’s maaaaaaaaaaaaain event, and it is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring first, Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!

DM: Dis continues to keep his – or, I suppose, her – identity a mystery as he plays mind games with members of the EPW roster, including the World Heavyweight Champion!

MN: What do you mean, mind games? Dis is just speaking the truth about members of the EPW roster like Anarky, who think they’re untouchable! He’s here to show all of them how easily they can be touched! Um, metaphorically speaking.

DT: Dis picked up a commanding victory over the Sonic Titan, Ivan Dalkichev, at Wrestleverse IV, but tonight is a whole different ballgame – not only does he have to contend with the EPW World Heavyweight Champion and the recently returned Larry Tact, he also has to coexist with Stalker. And you can bet that alliance will be an uneasy one.

[Dis steps into the ring, displaying little emotion or flourish, and waits for the remaining participants in the match]

DM: That’s true, Dave, but we can’t forget that the alliance between Anarky and Larry Tact may also be contentious. Anarky was not happy about Tact’s involvement as the special guest referee in his match with Copycat at Wrestleverse IV, even if Tact called the match right down the middle.

MN: “Right down the middle?” Larry Tact was assigned by Dan Ryan as the referee for that match specifically to stop Copycat from winning, and he did exactly what he was sent to do! Anarky talks a mean game, but you know that deep down, he’s glad he had Tact on his side!

DM: I don’t know what match you were watching, Mike, but I’ve seen a lot of special guest referees in my day, and you’d be lucky to find one as impartial as Tact was at Wrestleverse!

[CUE UP: “Did My Time” by Korn. The crowd’s booing had subsided somewhat due to Dis’s relative inaction during his entrance, but it amps up again as Stalker walks through the curtains and walks slowly but purposefully toward the ring, cracking his knuckles]

TF: And his tag team partner, from parts unknown, weighing in at 224 pounds, Stalkerrrrrrrrrrrr!

MN: Dis has been speaking truth to power here in EPW, but here’s the man who really has the EPW World Heavyweight Champion on the lookout! Stalker has his eyes trained on that championship belt, and he’s looking to get his hands on it, one way or another!

DM: Stalker has had his eyes on the belt for a very long time, Mike, but nothing he’s done has helped him get any closer to it. The man may have an obsession, but it’s going to take a lot of work to turn that obsession into reality, and you have to ask yourself whether Stalker is up to the task.

MN: Of course Stalker is up to the task! He just hasn’t been given a chance to prove it!

[Stalker rolls into the ring. After a quick glance at Dis to make sure there aren’t any shenanigans for him to anticipate, he plays to the crowd’s hatred a little bit before settling into the corner to await his opponents]

DT: One thing I think the two of you can agree on is that tonight is “put up or shut up” time for Stalker. If he can make an impact against the EPW World Heavyweight Champion, there may be a title match in his future; if tonight ends with a victory for Anarky and Larry Tact, he’s going to have a very tough case to make.

MN: Against Stalker and Dis? Anarky may be the champion and Tact may be a technical wizard, but if their opponents are on the same page, I don’t see how they can possibly come out the winners!

DM: There are a lot of possibilities you don’t see, Mike.

[CUE UP: “Pieces” by Hoobastank. The arena lights begin flickering wildly]


[The crowd pops as a burst of black-and-gold pyro heralds the appearance of Larry Tact. Tact takes a moment to enjoy the cheers before fixing his eyes on the ring and heading down the entranceway]

TF: And their opponents! Introducing first, from Manhattan, New York! Weighing in at 260 pounds, Larryyyyyyyyyy Taaaaaaaaaact!

DT: It’s good to see Larry Tact back in an EPW ring after a long absence. Tact, you will remember, was fired by Lindsay Troy in her last act as EPW commissioner, but he has recently been rehired by Dan Ryan.

MN: Why don’t you give the whole story, Thomas? Dan Ryan could have rehired Larry Tact right away, but he waited over a year before letting him come crawling back – when it would benefit Dan Ryan the most!

DM: Are you still upset about Anarky retaining the title at Wrestleverse, Mike? Let it go.

[Tact enters the ring and stretches against the ropes, his eyes fixed on his opponents]

MN: I’m just saying that things aren’t as simple as Dave makes them sound – as usual!

DT: At any rate, Tact is among the most talented ring technicians we’ve had the pleasure of seeing here in EPW, and now that he’s back on the active roster, things can only get more interesting.

[CUE UP: “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie. The crowd goes berserk for Anarky as he emerges onto the entranceway, the EPW World Heavyweight Title belt draped over his shoulder. Anarky walks intently down to the ring, his eyes trained on the people in it]

TF: And his tag team partner, from Hartford, Connecticut! Weighing in at 231 pounds, he is the EPW World Heavyweight Champion, Aaaaaaaaaaaaanarkyyyyyyyyyyyy!

DM: Anarky went through hell at Wrestleverse IV, but he came out of it still the EPW Champion, and he’s looking to further prolong his title reign!

MN: Well, he gets a reprieve tonight, but sooner or later, he’s going to have to defend that belt again – and if it’s against Stalker or Dis, he may be in trouble!

DT: Notwithstanding the abilities of Stalker and Dis, but let’s not forget that Anarky overcame The First to become the world champion, and he’s since successfully defended the title against the menacing likes of Michael Bastard and the very dangerous Copycat. It’s no easy feat to separate that man from the EPW World Heavyweight Title, and I would suggest that everyone in the ring right now knows it.

[Anarky stomps at the bottom of the entranceway, and a ringside official comes over to take his title belt and hand him a microphone]

Anarky: You know, before this match starts, I just wanted to take a moment to truly honor two great athletes in Empire Pro Wrestling. Two wrestlers who will stop at nothing to demand a piece of gold and leather, which they would step over their own mothers to pawn for more glory.

Unfortunately, the EPW bylaws prevent me from just handing you a title. But that doesn't mean you aren't both winners.

First... for the man who will stop at nothing to remind you of the deal he had with a wrestler who is no longer with the company, and how that deal soured, and how he deserves the title more than anything... I present... the EPW Award for Most Likely To Keep Whining About a Busted Master Plan for 2011... the one... the only... STALKER!

[Two maintenance workers come out and bring a trophy which appears to be designed by small children out of paper mache. It's practically falling apart. They present the trophy to Stalker, but he doesn’t even reach for it, instead staring a hole through them. The workers set the trophy at ringside]

Anarky: And up next... a man... or woman... who is so very important, that he or she, after only a single match, practically demanded a title shot, based upon the presumption that the identity he or she stole is still somehow relevant however many years later. To you, I present the EPW Award for Quickest Demand of an Undeserved Title Shot From a Wrestler With One Win Over a Russian Dude. Congratulations, Dis. I know it's been a lot of hard work. That one match. But I think, with enough determination and effort... you could, perhaps, even wrestle in another match. Maybe even right now.

[Two more maintenance guys come out, except now they're just pretending to carry a trophy. They put the "trophy" on the side of the apron.]

Anarky: Congratulations to you both. It's more than you deserve.

[Anarky throws down the mic and charges into the ring, joining Tact is his corner]

SFX: Ding! Ding!

DT: It looks like it’s going to be Anarky and Dis starting this one out! The mystery man and the World Heavyweight Champion circling in the ring!

DM: Wait, Dis just tagged out to Stalker! Guess he changed his mind about starting this one.

MN: Dis is just formulating a strategy! He has no qualms about letting Stalker inflict some punishment in the meantime!

DT: Stalker and Anarky looking for a lockup – no! A kick to the midsection by Stalker! Stalker getting things started early here tonight, as he fires away at Anarky with rights and lefts!

MN: Look at Anarky cover up! Stalker’s got him completely flustered!

DM: We’re only a few seconds into the match, Mike, Stalker just caught him off-guard. Stalker with blows to the back of Anarky now, a snap mare and a kick right to the small of the back!

DT: Stalker, wasting no time, brings Anarky back up to his feet and slams him face-first into the turnbuckle! Stalker with kicks to the midsection of Anarky, not giving him a second to breathe! Stalker whips Anarky into the opposite corner!

DM: And Anarky thunders out with a hell of a clothesline! Anarky with another clothesline, puts Stalker right back on the canvas! Off the ropes, and a third clothesline rocks Stalker! Anarky is getting fired up, but Stalker rolls out of the ring!

MN: Stalker knows how to pick his spots! He saw Anarky getting fired up, and now he’s breaking Anarky’s momentum!

DT: Stalker back in the ring now. Looking for another lockup – but this time it’s Anarky who connects with a kick to the midsection! He wasn’t about to trust Stalker a second time.

DM: I imagine his first attempt at a lockup was more a force of habit than an indication that he ever trusted Stalker to begin with, as Anarky lays into Stalker with elbow smashes! Anarky sends Stalker to the ropes, and a back elbow puts Stalker back on the mat! Another whip by Anarky – but Stalker catches the ropes and rolls out of the ring again!

DT: Stalker is taking another breather, but Anarky isn’t having it this time! Anarky rolls out of the ring himself after Stalker, but Stalker’s around to the other side, and he rolls back in! Anarky in hot pursuit – and Stalker with stomps to the head of Anarky as he slides back in!

MN: Ha! Anarky fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book!

DM: I don’t think Anarky “fell” for anything, Mike – he’s just a competitor who gets very into the match, and everyone is bound to miss things now and again!

DT: Stalker continues the assault on Anarky with rights and lefts to the downed World Heavyweight Champion! Off the ropes, and a kick right to the face of Anarky! Stalker now off the ropes, drops a knee on Anarky – and now he’s got the knee firmly planted in the throat of Anarky! Referee Pat Jones admonishes Stalker, but he breaks the count at four!

MN: And as soon as he releases the choke, Stalker lays into Anarky with more punches! He knows Pat Jones doesn’t have the stomach to disqualify him!

DT: Stalker brings Anarky back his feet, and puts him down with a scoop slam! Stalker off the ropes, and he drops an elbow right into the throat of Anarky! Stalker with a cover, the first of the match!



No! Anarky gets the shoulder up.

DM: Stalker brings Anarky up again, looking for a Russian legsweep – but Anarky fights out with elbows! A knee to the gut by Anarky, and a forearm smash to the back! Anarky sends Stalker to the ropes – back body drop! Anarky looks to bring Stalker back to his feet – but Stalker slithers over to his corner and makes the tag to Dis!

DT: And even through that mask, Dis looks a little surprised! I’m not sure he was paying attention!

MN: Well, he can hardly be blamed for thinking Stalker doesn’t need much help after that two-on-one advantage he almost overcame at Wrestleverse IV!

DT: Dis into the ring now, but he’s not exactly showing the fighting spirit of his tag team partner! Dis and Anarky into a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and Anarky backs Dis to the corner! Pat Jones gets between them to break it up!

DM: Another tie-up, and Dis with a go-behind, but Anarky counters with another go-behind! Anarky with a belly-to-back takedown on Dis, floats over into a front facelock, and Dis scoots back into the ropes! Again, Pat Jones calls for the break!

MN: Maybe this is a mind game on Dis’s part, but I have to be honest – this is not quite what I expected out of him! From the things he’s been saying lately, I figured he’d come out here tonight guns blazing!

DM: Well, as you say, Mike, this could very well be a mind game by Dis. There’s certainly no denying Anarky doesn’t have much technical proficiency, but if Dis were trying to lull Anarky into the kind of mat-wrestling he’s not accustomed to, you would think Dis would be winning.

DT: Another collar-and-elbow tie-up in the center of the ring, and this time Anarky with a side headlock on Dis. Dis backs up into the ropes and pushes Anarky into a whip, drops under Anarky on the rebound, and Anarky flattens Dis with a shoulderblock! Anarky is back after Dis, but he crawls over to the ropes, and again Pat Jones has to tell him to back away!

MN: You know, maybe this is Dis’s game – he’s getting Anarky frustrated by putting the referee between them!

DT: Dis, back up to his feet – but he’s over to his corner and makes the tag to Stalker with a hard slap to the shoulder! And Stalker looks just as confused by Dis’s strategy as Anarky is.

DM: Anarky’s had enough of it, as he heads right for Stalker as he gets into the ring! Jones trying to keep them separate, as Stalker has yet to get through the ropes – but Stalker reaches out and rakes the eyes of Anarky!

MN: Ha! That’s all the mind games Stalker needs right now!

DT: Stalker with clubbing blows to Anarky, and now a dropkick to the knee puts Anarky down on the other knee! Stalker off the ropes and delivers a knee of his own to the side of Anarky’s head! Stalker with a cover!



No! Anarky with the kickout.

DM: Stalker fires off on the head of Anarky with right hands, and now another cover!



No! Another kickout by Anarky.

DT: Stalker with Anarky to his feet, and a kick to the midsection! Stalker with a standing headscissor, but Anarky takes his legs out from under him! Anarky with a slingshot, sending Stalker into the opposing corner!

DM: Anarky up now, and he makes the tag to Larry Tact! Tact in the ring, and Stalker charges right into a hiptoss! Stalker back up, and another hiptoss by Tact! Stalker with another charge, Tact looking for a hiptoss, but Stalker blocks it! Tact ducks under a clothesline, and a back suplex by Tact! Tact with a cover!



No! Stalker gets the shoulder up.

MN: If only Stalker’s tag team partner had this kind of enthusiasm, maybe Stalker wouldn’t be in this predicament!

DT: Tact pulls Stalker up by the arm, wrenches the arm around and puts Stalker back down with a short-arm clothesline! Tact holds onto the arm wrench and makes the tag back out to Anarky! Anarky into the ring, and a kick to the midsection of the restrained Stalker!

DM: There’s no love lost between Anarky and Larry Tact, but they’re certainly working as a team here in the early going!

MN: If I were you, I wouldn’t bet the mortgage on that lasting the entire match.

DT: Anarky with Stalker to the center of the ring, hooks him up and – brainbuster! Anarky covers, a hook of the leg!



No! Stalker manages to get the shoulder up.

DM: Anarky off the ropes as Stalker tries to regain his footing, and he puts Stalker right back down with a hell of a lariat! Anarky covers again!



And another kickout by Stalker!

DT: Anarky now sends Stalker face-first into the turnbuckle, and tags out to Tact! Tact with knees to the midsection in the corner, drags him out of the corner and a swinging neckbreaker! Cover by Tact!



No! Stalker rolls the shoulder out.

MN: Stalker may be taking a beating here, but nobody takes a beating like Stalker! All he has to do is bide his time and wait for a slip-up!

DT: Tact, wasting no time, hauls Stalker up to his feet again! Tact with Stalker up on the shoulders – and an overhead gutbuster! Tact with another pin attempt!



No! Stalker kicks out again!

DM: Anarky is reaching out for the tag, but I don’t think Tact is noticing! Tact with an Irish whip to Stalker, Stalker off the ropes and Tact with a spinebuster!

MN: No! Stalker with a tornado DDT, and he plants Tact right on his head!

DT: Tact had Stalker up for that big spinebuster, but Stalker managed to turn things around, and he finally has a chance to catch a breather! Stalker over to his corner, and he makes the tag to Dis!

DM: Dis is in, and he lays down a series of stomps on the downed Tact! Off the ropes, and he drops an elbow! Cover by Dis!



No! Tact with the kickout!

DT: Dis back up, and more stomps to the head of Tact! And Dis makes the tag to Stalker, with an even harder slap to the chest!

DM: Stalker’s barely had a chance to get his bearings after being beaten down by his opponents, and Dis is already tagging back out? What is Dis thinking?

MN: I know Stalker and Dis don’t have the best relationship, but even I’m not sure what Dis’s goal is here. Maybe he’s keeping himself rested for later.

DM: The look on Stalker’s face isn’t a happy one – not that it ever is, I suppose – but he’s back in the ring and back on the attack. Stalker scoops up Tact – shoulderbreaker! Stalker with a cover, the leg is hooked!



No! Again, Tact manages to hang on!

MN: And Stalker with another choke! He and his tag team partner may not be on the same page, but he’s still focused on his goal – as he breaks just before the five-count!

DT: Stalker brings Tact to his feet, a kick to the midsection, hooks him up, and a suplex! Stalker rolls through – another suplex to Tact! Looking for a third, Tact grapevines the leg, but Stalker breaks it with a hard shot to the midsection, and another suplex! Stalker floats over into a cover!



No! Another kickout by Tact.

DM: Stalker casting a glance over at his corner, but look at Dis! Dis isn’t even watching the action in the ring, and he’s too far away from the corner for Stalker to even consider a tag! After that commanding performance against the Sonic Titan at Wrestleverse IV, I’m surprised Dis isn’t trying to take a more active role in this one!

MN: I still think he’s got a strategy in mind – I just can’t figure out what it is!

DT: Stalker with Tact again to his feet, and a Russian legsweep by Stalker! Stalker back to his feet, and a fistdrop right to the skull of Tact! Stalker covers!



No! Again, Tact gets the shoulder up!

DM: Stalker shoots another look at his corner, and Dis still isn’t paying any attention!

Stalker [audible over ring mic]: What the hell are you doin’?

DM: Stalker with some words for Dis, and I think he’s got Dis’s attention, but he’s sure taking his time getting back to his corner and the tag rope!

DT: And Tact now with shots to the midsection of Stalker! Tact trying to break free! Stalker backed off, Tact charges in – right into a drop toe hold! Stalker to his feet, off the ropes and a stiff dropkick right to the face of Tact! Stalker drops an elbow across the back of Tact, rolls him over, and the cover!



No! Again, Tact is able to survive!

DM: Stalker scoops up Tact, and a hard bodyslam! Stalker now going up to the top rope! He’s taking a risk here! Anarky is yelling at Tact, trying to tell him to move, but Stalker off the top – frog splash! Frog splash connects! Stalker hooks the leg!



Th-no! Tact gets the shoulder up at the last moment!

MN: You know, you talk about Stalker and Dis not being on the same page, and I can’t argue with you there, but what about Anarky and Tact? Anarky screaming at Tact there to move out of the way, and then not coming in to make the save after that high-impact maneuver!

DM: I don’t think either of those actions was an intentional slight on Anarky’s part, Mike, but I don’t think anyone expects Anarky and Tact to be 100 percent on the same page here tonight after the things Anarky said about Tact at Wrestleverse IV!

DT: Stalker with a tag to Dis! And I’m not sure, from his reaction, that Dis was expecting it – but he was in his corner, and the tag is legal! Dis now in the ring!

DM: And look at that! Dis immediately going for another cover on Tact!



No! Tact kicks out.

DT: If Tact had enough in the tank to kick out the first time, I doubt a few seconds of rest was going to work against him!

DM: Dis firing off on Tact with right hands, back up to his feet, and a kneedrop to Tact! Another cover!



No! Tact again with the kickout.

MN: Dis looking over at his corner, but now it’s Stalker who’s not in position! But he’s definitely paying attention – he wants Dis to know he doesn’t much like what Dis has been doing! I can only hope Dis gets the message!

DT: Tact trying to get back to his feet, and Dis is back over with stomps!

DM: I have to say, it seemed like Dis had a much broader moveset at Wrestleverse IV! It seems like all we’ve seen him do tonight is stomp!

MN: Well, at Wrestleverse, he had to take his opponent off his feet! Here, all he has to do is capitalize!

DT: Tact still trying to pull himself up, but Dis with clubbing forearms!

DM: But Tact takes Dis down at the legs! Tact trying to make it to his corner, but Dis is in his way! Tact up to his feet, and a chop to Dis! Another chop! Tact off the ropes!

MN: Ha! And Stalker buries a knee right in the back of Tact!

DT: Tact staggers away from the ropes, and Dis drops him with a clothesline! Another cover by Dis!



No! Tact holds on.

DM: And Dis makes the tag to Stalker, this time slapping him even harder in the chest! I’m not sure Stalker saw that coming, and just look at the look on his face!

DT: Stalker is not happy, but he can see Tact stirring and he’s in the ring to put a stop to that! A kick to the head of Tact, brings him to his feet and a front Russian legsweep!

DM: Stalker still on the offensive, brings Tact up, and there’s a backbreaker! And Stalker holds on, bending the back of Tact against the knee!

DT: Anarky’s in the ring to break the hold, but Stalker releases it before he gets there! Pat Jones telling Anarky to get out of the ring, and Stalker takes advantage of the distraction with a choke!

MN: That’s the twisted mind of Stalker at work once again! He manipulated Anarky into getting the referee’s attention, and now he’s capitalizing once his back is turned!

DT: Pat Jones finally notices the choke, and Stalker breaks at a count of four!

DM: You have to give Stalker credit here – despite an unwilling tag team partner, he’s been able to keep Larry Tact isolated, making sure the numbers game doesn’t work against him.

DT: Stalker with Tact up to his feet again, kick to the midsection and a power bomb! Stalker holds it!



No! Tact able to kick out!

DM: Stalker brings Tact back up, hooks him – and a fisherman buster! The head of Larry Tact driven right into the canvas! Stalker covers, hooks the leg!



Th-no! Where does Larry Tact keep finding the energy to kick out?

MN: I wonder if that move was supposed to be a “screw you” to Tact, whose own finishing move is a variation on a fisherman buster!

DT: Stalker is getting frustrated – and he says this one is over! Stalker looking for the Evenflow!

DM: But Tact backdrops his way out of it! Tact has gained a brief respite, and he’s crawling over to his corner!

MN: It takes more than that to put Stalker out of commission, though! Stalker grabs the leg of Tact to stop him from getting any closer to Anarky! Stalker turns him over and might be looking for a sharpshooter here!

DM: But Tact kicks him off! Tact again moving toward his corner, but Stalker right back over to him! Stalker with a front facelock, looking for the Evenflow again, but Tact pushes him away! Stalker charges in – and a huge overhead belly-to-belly suplex by Tact!

DT: And that’s enough to put Stalker out of commission, at least temporarily! Tact making the crawl to Anarky, but Stalker rolls over to his own corner! Stalker makes the tag to Dis! Dis in the ring!

DM: And Tact makes the tag to Anarky! Listen to this crowd!

DT: Dis was headed in Tact’s direction, but the tag to Anarky has stopped him dead in his tracks! Stalker is in no condition to tag in, and I can’t believe this – Dis is trying to beg off!

MN: I don’t know what strategy Dis is planning to employ, but he’d better employ it soon!

DM: And Anarky with a hard right hand, sends Dis to the canvas! Another one! Anarky off the ropes with a clothesline, and another one! Off the ropes again, and a flying forearm flattens Dis!

DT: Dis can’t seem to get out of the blocks here! Anarky with Dis on the ropes, Irish whip and a big flapjack by Anarky plasters Dis against the canvas! Anarky drags Dis to his feet, and he could be looking for the Chaos Breaker!

MN: No! Dis with a rake of the eyes before Anarky could even get him turned around! Dis manages to escape!

DM: And he immediately tags out to Stalker with a slap right to the face! What is he doing? Dis rolls out of the ring! Stalker’s not happy about it, but a tag is a tag!

DT: A dazed Stalker in the ring, looking for a clothesline on Anarky, but Anarky ducks under it, off the ropes and a flying forearm to Stalker! Kick to the midsection by Anarky, implant DDT! Anarky with a cover!



No! Stalker kicks out!

DM: Anarky is feeding off the energy of this crowd, and Stalker is in no condition to fight after being knocked for a loop by Tact! Anarky hooks up Stalker from behind, reverse DDT! Another cover by Anarky!



Th-no! Stalker manages a kickout again!

DT: Wasting no time, Anarky with Stalker back to his feet and an inverted atomic drop! Anarky clubs him over the back, off the ropes and a bulldog to Stalker! Cover by Anarky!



No! Again, Stalker survives!

MN: Stalker is in trouble now, but all he needs is another opening to retake control! I hope!

DM: Anarky looking to hook Stalker up for the Chaos Breaker, but Stalker spins him around, and a kick to the midsection! Stalker looking for the Evenflow! But Anarky fights out with a hard shot to the midsection! Grabs Stalker and – piledriver! Anarky with a cover!



No! Stalker again kicks out!

DT: Anarky says this one is over! Hauls Stalker up, looking for the Chaos Breaker, but Stalker reaches out for the first thing he can grab – and he’s got ahold of Pat Jones! Jones trying to get Stalker off him – and a mule kick by Stalker breaks Anarky’s grasp!

DM: A blatant low blow by Stalker, but Pat Jones wasn’t in a position to see it! Anarky crumples to the ground, and Stalker stumbles over to his corner – but Dis isn’t in position! He doesn’t have a hold on the tag rope!

MN: Can you blame him? Anarky may be down, but I wouldn’t want to be in the ring with him right now, no matter what!

DM: And what a slap by Stalker! He’s had enough of Dis avoiding this match! Dis is too far away from his corner for that to constitute a tag, but Stalker drags Dis into the ring! Pulls him up – and an Evenflow DDT on his own partner!

MN: Oh geez, Stalker! I know you’re upset with the guy, but this isn’t exactly a constructive response!

DT: Stalker kicks Dis under the bottom rope and out of the ring! He’s gone completely—

DM: Roll-up by Anarky!




No! No, Stalker kicked out at the last second! I thought he had him there!

MN: Too close for comfort!

DT: Stalker back to his feet, charges in at Anarky and runs right into a powerslam! Anarky hooks the leg!



No! Stalker gets the shoulder up!

DM: Anarky with Stalker up to his feet, and a Samoan drop! Another cover!



No! Stalker again manages to hold on!

DT: Anarky trying to bring Stalker to his feet again, but Stalker crawls out to the apron! Anarky with a handful of hair, but Stalker snaps him down across the top rope! Anarky stunned, and Stalker is up to the top rope!

MN: Yes! This is the opening Stalker needed!

DM: But Anarky with a shot to the midsection! Anarky lays into Stalker up there on the turnbuckle, and a right hand to the jaw stuns Stalker! Anarky climbing up! We’re about to see something big! Anarky and Stalker on the top rope – <i>superplex!</i>

DT: Both men are down, but there’s no question Stalker got the worst of that exchange! Pat Jones starts the count, but Anarky is already showing some movement! I think we know who’s going to be first one to—

DM: Wait a minute! What the hell is that?

DT: Someone just jumped the barricade! That’s Copycat!

MN: Maybe this is the opening Stalker needs!

DM: We haven’t seen or heard from Copycat since he failed to capture the EPW World Heavyweight Title from Anarky at Wrestleverse IV, but he still apparently has a score to settle with the world champion!

DT: No, wait! Copycat with a hard shot to the back of Tact on the apron! What is Copycat doing?

DM: Good grief! Copycat just drilled Larry Tact with the LitterBomb off the apron! And Tact’s head and back hit the mat with a sickening smack!

DT: Copycat just hopped the barricade back into the crowd! And Pat Jones has been counting Anarky and Stalker down! He didn’t see a thing!

MN: I would have expected Copycat to go after Anarky, who defeated him at Wrestleverse IV, but maybe he’s taken issue with Larry Tact’s officiating instead! I told you he didn’t call that match down the middle!

DT: Jones is at five, and Anarky is up! Anarky says this one is over! He’s calling for the Chaos Breaker! Stalker is still down on the mat!

MN: But Anarky just spotted Tact down outside the ring – and he can see the perpetrator standing right there in the front row!

DM: I don’t know if Pat Jones has noticed Tact, but he definitely sees who Anarky is looking at right now! And EPW’s senior official is never comfortable when the man who brainwashed his son is around!

MN: Well, what can he do about it? He didn’t see Copycat do anything! All Copycat is doing is sitting in the crowd!

DT: Anarky has refocused on Stalker, but Jones hasn’t taken his eyes off Copycat! Anarky bringing Stalker to his feet!

MN: Low blow by Stalker!

DM: Stalker may have been playing a bit of possum, and he drills Anarky with a low blow – his second one of the match! Stalker back to his feet – <i>Evenflow!</i>

DT: Stalker with a cover, hooks the leg! Copycat disappears into the crowd, and Jones is over for the count!

DM: Don’t tell me!




[In a blur, we see someone drag the referee from the ring before he can bring his arm down for the three count. Stalker, meanwhile, still has Anarky pinned.]


MN: You must be joking...

[The camera, mostly concerned with Copycat on the other side, now turns to see DAN RYAN helping the referee up on the outside. The ref turns to inquire what's going on and Ryan tells him to stay right where he is.]

DT: It's Dan Ryan!! The owner!! He's back!! And he just stopped Stalker from pinning the World Champion!!

DM: Stalker is incensed!!

[Stalker gets to his feet and goes over to where Dan Ryan is staring up at him in the ring. Meanwhile, Ryan leans over and whispers in the referee's ear. He clears out, heading around the ring to the other side. Suddenly the bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, due to a low blow administered by Stalker, Empire Pro owner Dan Ryan has declared that... the winners of the match, due to a DISQUALIFICATION..... ANARKY and LARRY TACT!!!!!

DM: I don’t believe it! Stalker had the EPW World Heavyweight Champion pinned and now he's been disqualified!!!

DT: Not only that, but Dan Ryan made the call... and that means Stalker will NOT be getting that title shot at Russian Roulette!!!

MN: This is a travesty!! A conspiracy!!!

DT: He used a low blow, Neely! Whattya want?!

MN: For months, people have been saying Stalker is all talk, but I think he proved everyone wrong here tonight by pinning Anarky 1-2-3 right in the middle of the ring! And he did it all without much of a tag team partner! And now Dan Ryan takes it all away from him?!

DM: Actually, he used two low blows against Anarky, and saw Anarky’s own tag team partner taken out by Copycat! I’d hardly call that a momentous victory, even if he got the decision!!!

MN: Clean or not, there’s no denying that Stalker could have just changed the game with a pinfall victory over the World Heavyweight Champion, and Dan Ryan robbed him of that chance!!

DM: Stalker tries to get Pat Jones to raise his hand, but when he won't, Stalker jerks away his gaze. Ryan is already on his way outta here and now Stalker has his sights set on his partner!! He rolls out of the ring – and he heads straight for Dis! Dis is trying to crawl away, but Stalker’s got a hold on him – and Stalker throws him right into the barricade! Stalker now hammering away at Dis!

DT: Meanwhile, Larry Tact is crawling back into the ring as Anarky is starting to stir! Copycat is long gone, and Tact has no idea who attacked him! Tact is interrogating Anarky, but Anarky is in no shape to answer!

MN: Stalker is trying to pull the mask off Dis! We could have a mystery solved early here tonight! Stalker has it – Stalker’s got the mask off! The mask is off! Who’s under there?

[The camera zooms in on the exposed face of Dis]

MN: … Who is that?

DM: That’s not anyone I recognize. Dave? You’ve got a memory for faces.

DT: I’m not seeing it either. We may have been the victims of a grand hoax perpetrated by Dis on EPW and all of its—

DM: Wait, what’s this? Running down to the ring, is that … is that <i>another</i> Dis?

DT: Someone else in a Dis mask is on the way down to the ring, and he’s got a chair in his hands!

SFX: Crack!

DT: The chair right across the back of Larry Tact! And Tact is down!

MN: Boy, Larry Tact just can’t catch a break here tonight!

DT: Anarky up to his feet – and Dis slaps him hard across the face!

DM: You can see the fire in Anarky’s eyes, but the new Dis bails out of the ring! Dis is out of here!

MN: And Anarky is hot on his heels! Dis runs back through the curtains with Anarky in hot pursuit!

DT: I’m thinking the man in the Dis mask who competed here tonight was just misdirection on the part of the real Dis!

MN: Gee, do you think? I doubt the real Dis even expected his man to win tonight, but Stalker’s perseverance saw him through!

DM: Stalker’s perseverance got his disqualified, Neely.

MN: Shut up. I don't like you anymore.

DT: Pat Jones is checking on the downed Larry Tact, but look what we’re seeing here! Stalker just grabbed the EPW World Heavyweight Title belt off the timekeeper’s table, and he’s rolled back into the ring!

MN: Anarky was in such a hurry to chase after Dis, he left the championship belt unattended!

DM: And Stalker is now in the ring with the title belt – the item he has been seeking for so very long – held high above his head!

MN: He should be getting a shot at that title!!

[Stalker stares at the belt, but the more he stares at it, the angrier he gets. He throws it down in disgust and leans over the ropes, his eyes closed and seething in rage.....]

Stalker: RYAN!!!!!!!!

DT: Stalker furious at Dan Ryan for obvious reasons!! What does the future hold for those two? Who's under the Dis mark... and what next for Copycat and Larry Tact?? What an interesting night..... that's all for Aggression 60.... for Mike Neely and Dean Matthews... I'm Dave Thomas..... GOODNIGHT!!!


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