Aggression 61: Toronto, Ontario, CA - 11/7/11

[DBrunkGXW]

[SFX: *SCREEEEEECH~!!*]

[The arena lights begin to flicker as a distorted guitar wails with feedback over the PA, causing many people to wince. The men at the table glance around in confusion before the camera pans over to the stage.]

DT: Oh, what now?

[CUE UP: “Master of Alchemy” by Electric Wizard.]

[A spotlight hits the entry-way as the EmpireTron fills up with a loop of grainy, black-and-white b-roll footage of dead leaves and grass, grime-covered floors and fixtures, and extreme close-ups of black, filthy hands gripping and clenching into each other. After a moment of ominous doom riffage being pumped through the arena’s sound system, five letters appear scrawled on the screen in a viscous, tar-like substance...]

R E Z I N

DT: What’s going on here? And just who, or WHAT, is this “Rezin”?

DM: Hell if I know, Dave, but I think we’re about to find out!

[SFX: *BOOOM!!*]

MN: WHOA!

[As the music enters its main groove, two pillars of fire EXPLODE on either side of the stage as a figure emerges from the entry-way. Clad apparently in only shades, pants, and a beat-up black duster, the hairy young man takes a moment to scan the crowd with the hungry smirk of a vampire.]

DM: Who is that?!

[As he starts down the ramp for the ring, the camera zooms in to get a better look... and it suddenly becomes apparent that everybody KNOWS this guy: It’s Erik Black!]

DT: DOPESMOKER?! Wow...

MN: Yeah, that’s the man!

DT: Jeez, I hardly recognized him!

DM: I was about to say the same thing, Dave. Looks like he’s, uh... revamped his image, so to speak.

MN: I’ll say! Look at that pimp-ass coat he’s rockin’!

DM: That coat looks like Baghdad...

MN: You have no eye for fashion, Dean-O... beat-up and dirty is IN this season.

DM: Pff... whatever, Neely. I may not know fashion like I know wrestling, but I DO know that as I look at Dopesmoker right now, I see a man in SERIOUS need of some grooming! And maybe three bucks in quarters to do his LAUNDRY for once. Not to mention a stint in rehab...

[Black ambles to the ring at a casual pace, getting heat from the crowd but just soaking it up. Along the way, he turns to the side and coughs rather repulsively into the faces of a group of young wrestling fans coalesced on the other side of the barricade, who immediately recoil in disgust.]

DM: For crying out loud, look at this bum... look at what’s become of him!

MN: QUIET, Dean... show some RESPECT! That man practically MADE the Empire Pro ring!

DT: Sadly, Mike... I might have to agree with Dean. All that can be said of the Escape Artist’s legacy in the Empire Pro is that it’s unfortunately being overshadowed as we see him in his current state. There’s no doubt about it, ladies and gentlemen... seeing Erik Black as I see him now, I’d say he’s completely hit rock bottom!

[He takes his time approaching the ring, lazily sitting himself on the apron before sluggishly slipping in under the bottom rope. From there, he sits up with his arm draped over the middle rope, and doesn’t move. The music cuts and awkward silence follows as the capacity crowd watches this intruder sit...]

DM: What’s he doing here anyway? He wasn’t scheduled to compete!

DT: That’s true, Dean-O... but there were also some rumors that he was finally going to be answering some questions tonight. The REAL question is, however... is he in any state to answer honestly right now?

MN: Well, I don’t know, Dave... why don’t you go find out?

DT: Huh?

[CUT TO: The commentary table as Thomas and Matthews give Mike Neely a pair of stunned expressions.]

MN: Yeah, I mean... if you say he’s here to give us answers, then why don’t you go in there and get them?

DT: Well, uh... I don’t know...

MN: C’mon, Dave... the fans of Empire Pro WANT to hear what’s going on in his head just as much as you do!

DM: I know I don’t want to know...

DT: Hmm... well, I guess you have a point, Mike... the EPW Universe deserves to know.

MN: You’re the man, Dave!

[In a rare moment, Dave Thomas rises from the table and sets the headset down. He gives a on last timid glance to Dean, and the Show Stealer gives him a reassuring nod.]

DM: Be careful in there, Dave. No telling how crazed he is...

MN: Oh, would you relax, Dean! Nothing like that is gonna happen!

[Mustering up his courage, Dave leaves the table for the timekeeper to retrieve a pair of microphones.]

MN: Uh-huh... he’s totally going to get his head kicked off... but hey, better him than us, right, Dean-O?

DM: ...kiss my ass, Neels.

[Visibly hesitant, Dave ascends the steps to the apron, looking curiously at the man seated against the ropes.]

Dave Thomas: Uh... excuse me, Dopesmoker...?

[No reaction, as if his mic weren’t functioning. Or as if the person he were speaking to just wasn’t listening. Again, showing reluctance, Dave slowly creeps through the ropes into the ring, like a kid trespassing over a fence to retrieve a fouled baseball, and trying not to wake the man-eating dog keeping watch over the yard.]

Dave Thomas: Dopesmoker?

[Nada. The fans now begin to taunt him, but he acts as if he doesn’t hear them either.]

Crowd: “BOOO-RING!! BOOO-RING!! BOOO-RING!!”

Dave Thomas: Is everything alright, Dopesmoker?

[Black looks up and sees Thomas, looking rather reproached by the query. He holds up his hand and accepts the mic that the seasoned play-by-play commentator cautiously hands over. The Escape Artist holds it up to his mouth... and breaths into it.]

Erik Black: … … …

Crowd: “BOOO-RING!! BOOO-RING!! BOOO-RING!!”

DM: Sounds like we’re losing the crowd... would this chump just say something and get the hell out of here?

MN: Hey, when this man speaks, he speaks VOLUMES, Dean. Let him soak these marks until they pull their hair out...

[Black glances around into the audience for a moment before turning his attention back onto Dave Thomas. His eye seems to twitch in the corner as somebody who is definitely NOT the wrestler known as Dopesmoker speaks...]

Rezin: … “Is everything all right... DOPESMOKER??”

[He grabs the top rope and pulls himself to his feet, and Dave Thomas can’t help but take a couple steps back.]

Rezin: Well that’s an interesting question, David. “Is everything all right, DOPESMOKER?”

[The madman can’t withhold the spine-tingling chuckle that follows.]

Rezin: Heh... well how in the hell should I know? Ask him yourself...

Crowd: “Pff-HUH?!”

DM: Okay... this guy is bat-**** crazy. Not stoned... well, no, I take that back, I’m sure he IS stoned, but definitely crazy as well.

[Dave looks confused, as he probably should be.]

Dave Thomas: Sorry, but uh... aren’t I asking him NOW?

[Black leans against the ropes... perhaps because he’s having trouble standing.]

Rezin: I dunno... are you, or aren’t you? Do you see a pipe in my hand, David? Do you see me SMOKING DOPE?!

[He shakes his head, emotions fluctuating from amused, to enraged, to depressed.]

Rezin: Nope... no dope, no smoke. I guess you can say the ol’ Goat Bastard’s done smoked all the dope that was his career here in the Empire. And when there’s no more dope to be smoked... what’s left, David? What do you see?

Dave Thomas: I’m... not sure, to be honest. What AM I seeing?

[The Escape Artist approaches the commentator... gets within inches of his face.]

Rezin: Just ME... REZIN... the residue... the waste... the sludge... the **** you scrape off the bottom of the bowl when you’re at the end of your rope and all you want and need is to just numb the pain and agony of living this rotten existence... that’s all that’s left of me, David.

[Black -- or more appropriately, the newly christened “Rezin” -- walks away from Dave, shaking his head like a bum on the streets of Manhattan.]

DM: ...what - the - HELL is he babbling about?

MN: Man, that was nothing short of POETRY! So he’s calling himself REZIN now, huh? BADASS! Can’t you just FEEL all that nihilistic rage pent up inside, waiting to explode?

DM: All I feel right now is sick to my stomach... and if you’re seriously thinking this “Rezin” crap is “badass”, then you’re just as crazy as he is...

[The crowd murmurs with steady confusion, and the commentator still looks as though he’s missing something.]

Dave Thomas: “Rezin?” Uhh, Erik... sorry to ask... but do you happen to be HIGH right now?

[Rezin arches an eyebrow.]

Rezin: Am I HIGH? Oh, David... if anything, right now, the only thing I’m feeling is LOW. If there’s a bottom, then believe me, buddy, I’m there. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing...

[The maniacal smirk reappears on his face as he frantically waves his finger through the air with every word of his maddened rant.]

Rezin: See... when you’re at the bottom, smoking this black sludge, getting by and getting high on mere scraps... you begin to see the big picture. You begin to realize things that you never realized before... things that most people just overlook because their minds are too preoccupied in pleasing themselves. But when you’re nothing but refuse in the eyes of your peers, you see the truth as clear as day.

Dave Thomas: Uh... what “truth” would you be referring to?

[Rezin steps away to face the camera, taking off his shades to reveal some MAJOR bloodshot eyes underneath. It’s the stare of a man who has plumb the deepest and darkest depths of his own twisted psyche and simply laughed at what he saw.]

Rezin: The truth is, David... life, as we know it... all of existence across the Universe... it’s all doomed to inevitably turn up as nothing. Everything that is created... is doomed to be DESTROYED! Whether it’s a distant star, or the career of any superstar that steps into this ring... one day, it’s gotta come to end.

[He points to the mat and stamps his feet a couple times for good measure.]

Rezin: This ring? One day it will become old and obsolete. Bossman will sell it to some gym where it will sit for years on end becoming more and more dilapidated until it finally gets torn up and scrapped. THIS RING, David... the ring where CHAMPIONS once performed... and all it’s going to end up being is JUNK in a trash heap.

[He starts pointing out random objects spread out across the arena.]

Rezin: Same goes for that rampway... those barricades... that cheap, plywood table obstructed Dean Matthews’ bulging GUT!

DM: HEY!!

MN: HA!!

Rezin: Even that monkey suit you’re wearing, David... one day, it will grow out of style and will spend an eternity on the rack of some thrift clothing store until it disintegrates at the seams. Hell, no doubt this whole ARENA will one day decay and be torn down, only to be forgotten by the misbegotten and simple-minded sheep here in TORONTO!

Crowd: “BOOOOO!!”

MN: Ingrateful Canucks...

[Rezin smirks at the heated crowd reaction.]

Rezin: All things inevitably go to waste and fade into obscurity... and the same goes for this wretched industry of professional wrestling. It’s a sad and depressing fact, I know... but you’d be an idiot to deny the reality of the situation. Destruction and disintegration awaits us all, and there’s nothing anybody can do to stop it, David...

[CUT TO: Dave Thomas’ reaction. He looks beyond words at this point, shaking his head in absolute disappointment.]

Rezin: So here I am, at the lowest of the low... and for the first time, it all becomes clear to me. If I can’t stop it, then why stand in its way? I mean... why not just SPEED UP the process?

Dave Thomas: …what are you saying, Erik?

[The smirk contorts into a snarl in the blink of an eye as the Goat Bastard nearly throws himself upon the commentator in blinding rage.]

Rezin: ARE YOU DEAF, *****?! I SAID CALL ME REZIN!!

Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!”

DM: Whoa... touchy, are we?

MN: Dave better get his name RIGHT if he’s looking out for his best interest!

[After a long and awkward moment passes with the commentator standing face to face with the wide-eyed maniac inches from his nose. Then, light a switch going off in his head, Rezin steps away, putting the shades back over his eyes and flashing the apathetic smirk once again.]

Rezin: And what I’m SAYING is that a fast death is better than a slow death. This industry is dying, Dave... so I feel it’s my DUTY as an compassionate member of this profession for many years that I help EUTHANIZE it.

DM: WHAT?!

Rezin: All great Empires in the history of civilization have collapsed... and it would be stupid to say that the same fate awaits this Empire of Professional Wrestling! But I’m not going to sit back and watch this federation I put my heart and soul into decay into oblivion slowly and painfully, David. I’m going to call in the wrecking crew.

[Defiantly, he turns his attention back to the cameras, announcing to the entire global viewing audience at large.]

Rezin: I’m going to knock the pillars down and turn Empire Pro into DUST, David... for the GOOD OF US ALL!

Crowd: “RE-ZIN SUCKS!! RE-ZIN SUCKS!! RE-ZIN SUCKS!!”

Dave Thomas: Eri -- err, uh... Rezin... are you hearing what you’re SAYING? You want to... you want to DESTROY Empire Pro?

Rezin: That’s right, David. Stone by stone, brick by brick... I will deconstruct this federation’s entire legacy.

Dave Thomas: How can you even SAY that? Think of all the people involved with this company! Think of all the FANS! This federation has been a hallmark of professional wrestling excellence for seven years, and you just want to ERASE it like it was NOTHING?

Rezin: It WAS something, David... WAS being the key word there. The moment is over. Empire Pro MUST end... and in its absence, maybe something better will be born. It’s necessary for us all to move on...

[Thomas now looks genuinely angry.]

Dave Thomas: “Move on?” Is that what happened to you at Aggression 60, when you turned against your longtime friend and partner in Ivan Dalkichev? Were you “moving on” as you took that steel chair to his weak leg?

Rezin: Listen to me, David... what I did to Ivan, I did out of LOVE...

Crowd: “BOOOOOOO!!”

DM: What a load of tripe...

Dave Thomas: How is nearly CRIPPLING him an act of love?! You could have ended his career!!

Rezin: And I would have been doing him a FAVOR!

Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOO!!”

Rezin: Look, Ivan and I have gone a long way back, and he’s done some great work in this ring. But that was a long time ago. All he’s done recently is make himself an over-sized punching bag along with that Viking. A living giant, a former champion, and a tag team LEGEND... and yet, week after week he’s just a stepping stone to inferior talents like IMPULSE and HIGH FLYER. He didn’t deserve that kind of existence, David... not after everything that man’s been through. So I did him a favor...

Dave Thomas: By shattering his KNEE?!

Rezin: By giving him FREEDOM, you fool! Let the legacy of Ivan Dalkichev speak for itself in the past, rather than let it be tarnished by the present! He was an EMBARRASSMENT, David... to the BOTH of us!

Crowd: “BOOOOOOO!!”

[Thomas shakes his head disdainfully.]

Dave Thomas: Listen, Rezin... WHOEVER you are... you DO realize that all this applies to as well, don’t you? Don’t you look at yourself now and what you’ve become and realize that maybe YOU are tarnishing your OWN legacy?! Are you going to work up the nerve to OWN up to that, or do you think you’re somehow ABOVE all this “doom” and “destruction” that awaits everybody and everything?

DM: There ya go, Dave! Put it right in his face!

[Rezin simply smirks at these accusations.]

Rezin: Oh, David... I’m well aware of my own doom. I’m practically looking FORWARD to it! But the end doesn’t come easy to “the Escape Artist”, as you should know well by now. I may not be the greatest professional wrestling talent that’s ever graced this ring... but I’ve still OUTLASTED some of the greatest... and I guarantee that I can outlast much more of the false idols and hopeless rejects back in that locker room. The lower I sink, the more I’ll take down with me...

Dave Thomas: You’re INSANE, Rezin!! I mean, at least when I was speaking to Dopesmoker, I knew it was mostly the drugs talking, but you are legitimately CRAZY! You’re saying you’re going to embark on a suicide mission to basically ERASE Empire Pro Wrestling from existence? I just don’t know what to say to that...

Rezin: Forget that LOSER, Dopesmoker... if these people wanted to see “motivation” from the Escape Artist, they certainly weren’t getting it from HIM! But with me -- REZIN -- things are going to be DIFFERENT!

[Dave shakes his head with frustration.]

Dave Thomas: You’ve completely lost it... and I refuse to listen to this nonsense any longer. Just do us all a favor and get the HELL out of here so we can get on with the show!

Crowd: *POP!!*

DM: Damn right...

MN: Oh man, Dave’s got a DEATHWISH!

[The slick and snarky side of Rezin slowly melts away into unhinged raged once again. He begins approaching the commentator, slowly and aggressively.]

Rezin: “Get on with the show,” David?

[Rezin’s arm lashes out like a viper and slaps the mic out of Dave’s hand. Thomas yelps in surprise, but before he can react, the other hand grips him by the lapel, and the Goat Bastard yanks him within inches of his face.]

Rezin: Did you forget that I MADE THIS SHOW, DAVID?! DID YOU FORGET THAT?!

DM: Oh boy, we better get security out here, I think he’s SNAPPED!

MN: Dave should have kept his mouth SHUT, but he had to push him over the EDGE! Hate to say it, but he’s had this coming!

Rezin: Do you think you’re ETERNAL, David? Do you think YOU’LL be around forever?!

SFX: *GWONG~!!*

[CUE UP: “I Am a Viking” by Yngwie Malmsteen’s Rising Force. Rezin’s expression switches from murderous rage to gaping shock.]

Crowd: *MEGA-POP!*

MN: WHAT THE -- ?!

DM: YES!! IT’S “THE VIKING VIOLATOR” OLVIR ARSINNAR TO THE RESCUE!!

[Olvir comes charging down the rampway like a massive, muscular tornado with fans crammed against the barricade slapping him on the shoulders in support. The Viking pornstar’s cold blue eyes are filled with pure VENGEANCE as he takes to the ring! Living to his namesake, the Escape Artist bolts out the other side of the ring before the bronze-skinned berzerker can rip him to pieces with his own hands. Dave Thomas assumes his natural self-defense of freezing up like a board and retreating to a corner]

MN: THIS BUFFOON!! He’s spoiling a bona fide ASS-WHOOPING!!

DM: Olvir’s ending this insanity for ONCE AND FOR ALL, and I am GRATEFUL! You just know that Arsvinnar’s been raging for WEEKS now since his partner’s uneventful and unjustified injury at this hands of this Rezin...

MN: That is just completely unprofessional, barging in here unannounced and interrupting a groundbreaking speech like that...

DM: That “SPEECH” was outright heresy, Neels! Does Erik Black suddenly think he’s the lone rider of the APOCALYPSE all of a sudden?!

MN: Dude, you better not let him hear you call him “Erik Black”! It’s REZIN now, and don’t forget it, lest he remind you with a roundhouse kick to the face!

DM: Oh hell, Neels, what’s he going to do? Run away from me?!

[The camera gets reaction shots of Rezin looking completely pissed at ringside as Olvir beckons him back into the ring to fight. Fans around the barricade begin to pelt him with trash, prompting him to say some unfavorable things in response before he begins to make his way toward the ramp. Before he gets there, Olvir picks up Dave’s mic and projects his booming voice through the arena PA.]

Olvir Arsvinnar: REZIN THE BLACK, you KNAVE AMONG KNAVES!! You TRAITOR!! You SCOUNDREL!! You HEATHEN!! You are a DISGRACE to the Viking Way!! I will have VENGEANCE for what you have done to our brother Ivan!!

[CUT TO: Rezin, standing at the bottom of the ramp to listen to what the Norseman has to say. He looks amused, if anything.]

Rezin: You want VENGEANCE, Olvir? REALLY? What did I ever do to YOU?!

Olvir Arsvinnar: COWARD!! Your insolence will be tolerated no longer! No doubt you have been possessed by the evil god LOKI!! His TRICKERY has damned your once respectable mind, but now you are PLAGUED in the head! If the DESTRUCTION of this great Empire of Professional Wrestling is what you seek, then I have NO CHOICE but to defend its honor by destroying YOU first!

Crowd: *POP!!*

[Rezin scoffs, clearly unimpressed by the Viking’s spirited challenge.]

Rezin: You want it to come to that then? Well, Olvir, that’s fine by me... that’s just dandy. I suppose I owe you that much, and I guess it would give Ivan a little company, now that I think about it. But not here, not tonight...

Crowd: “BOOOOO!!”

Rezin: We’ll settle this at Aggression 62, Olvir. Your mission of vengeance against my mission of destruction. We’ll see where the Cosmos takes us...

[CUE UP: “Master of Alchemy” by Electric Wizard. Giggling to himself, Rezin stumbles backwards up the ramp, locked in a tense staredown with the Viking Violator standing in the ring. Dave Thomas, meanwhile, gives his thanks to Mr. Arsvinnar before taking his leave of the ring.]

[CUT TO: The commentary table, currently occupied only by Dean and Mike.]

DM: Well there you have it, ladies and gentlemen... Dopesmoker is apparently gone, and tag team legend “the Escape Artist” Erik Black has gone over to the dark side with this bizarre transformation into Rezin.

MN: You can’t resist the DARK SIDE, Dean!

DM: Seriously, Neels...

MN: Oh come on, at least we’ll be seeing Erik Black showing some motivation in the ring from now on! Isn’t that something to look forward to?

DM: If there’s any weight to his words, it would mean the END of our paychecks, Neels...

MN: Ehh, hmmm... didn’t think of that.

DM: You clearly don’t think of much... but anyway, here’s Dave coming back to us.

[Dave Thomas picks up a headset and retakes his seat behind the table, looking a little distant after his close encounter.]

DM: That was a close call, huh?

DT: Yeah...

DM: Well, you showed real courage in there, in spite of it all.

MN: Oh whatever, Dean... Dave, I’ll show you the clip on YouTube later. Your face was HILARIOUS!

DM: That rotten Goat Bastard overstepped the line here tonight! That man needs help, if you ask me!

DT: I don’t know, Dean... seeing him this way, I kinda wonder if he’s BEYOND help at this point! I don’t know what’s going on in Erik Black’s mind, but this new REZIN persona is clearly hellbent at spreading ruin and chaos!

[CUT TO: Rezin on the stage a moment longer before disappearing into the back.]

DT: At any rate, the gauntlet has been thrown down by “the Viking Violator” Olvir Arsvinnar, looking to avenge his fallen tag partner Ivan Dalkichev! No telling what’s going to happen when those two meet in the ring at Aggression 62!

DM: If we’re lucky, Olvir will pulverize him, and this insanity will be over with before it even begins.

MN: Come on, Dean... has that Viking even won a match in this federation?!

DT: The fun and games are over, Mike... Olvir is out for BLOOD, and regardless of how much Rezin thinks he can “outlast”, he’s not going to be smirking when the Viking Violator gets his hands on him!

DM: Nobody was really expecting that moron to go on as long as that...

DT: Well, stick around... Rich Mahogany and Copycat kick things off... but first I'm being told we have more goings-on backstage...

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Beginnings

In the parking lot, we see a black Lincoln Continental pull in. The door opens, and a foot is seen pulling out, however, the foot pulls back into the car, and the door closes. After a few more moments, the door opens once again, and out steps an unknown figure, bearing a resemblance to retired independent wrestler Rob Franklin, only thicker, with a scruffier head of hair, and a distant look in his eyes. The man reaches into his pocket, and frantically pulls out a cell phone.

“I don’t know what you think is going to happen, but I just...I can’t...I won’t do this. It’s too much. It’s too soon, I don’t think I’m re-”

The muffled, mumblings of the other end of the call are heard, but the message is not distinguishable.


“I know what I said, but I’m not sure I’m ready. I mean, I can just see the pain and suffering I’ve caused myself in this sport. Even this parking lot is too much.”

More muffling on the phone, but this time the message seems to anger the man.


“...YOU DID WHAT? HOW DID YOU EVEN....POWER OF WHAT? WHO GAVE YOU POWER OF ATTORNEY!?”

The man drops to his knees, clutching the phone against his ear.

“How could you do this to me? I’m not ready...I’m not even....It’s-it’s...”

Speechless, the man hangs up, and puts the phone back in his pocket. His eyes, once distant, are now filled with emotion, welling up with tears. He falls to the concrete, on his back, his hands covering his face. He lets out a few exasperated breaths, before finally rising to his feet, this time, determination has crossed his face. He makes a steadfast line to the door into the arena, and closes it behind him.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Thanks

[Fade in, Walter Brennan EPW's head of security for the Air Canada Centre Aggression 61 show. Mid 40's, ex-military look and feel, he's walking with purpose through the door to Dan Ryan's office.]

Brennan: Mr. Ryan just as you requested we have extra guys patrolling outside the arena as well as through the crowd and backstage areas.

Ryan: They are aware that they aren't to engage Jason unless he makes a direct move towards the ring is that correct?

Brennan: Yes sir, I also reminded them should they see him to let him know that you want him directly in this office.

Ryan: Good... I'm tired of letting this psychopath think he can just run in whenever he feels like it and cause chaos.

Brennan: I agree sir.

Ryan: Alright during Anarky's match, just like we discussed...

Brennan: You got it Mr. Ryan, I already informed the men to send two units from each section towards the crowd to make sure Jason Reeves does not get anywhere near the champion.

Ryan: Good deal. I'll let you get back to work.

Brennan: Thank you Mr. Ryan.

[Brennan walks out of Dan Ryan's office and the camera switches back over to Dan, who is looking at a contract on the desk in front of him. His face sports a wide grin as we fade to commercial.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Rich Mahogany vs. Copycat

[CUE UP: “Love Man” by Otis Redding.]

[The fans have a decidedly mixed reaction as “the Ladies Man” Rich Mahogany struts out onto the stage in a matching suit vest and bow tie. He spends a moment to strike a pose for all the women watching at home before starting his way down the ramp, flashing a five-million dollar grin.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen... our first this evening is scheduled for a ten minute time limit and set for one fall. Introducing first... hailing from Austin, Texas... he weighs in two hundred and ten pounds of perfectly chiseled muscle and pure mojo... he is the LADIES MAN... RRRIIIIIIIICCHH MAAAHOOOGGAAANNNYYYYYYY!!!!

[The ladies in the audience whoop, while the gentlemen heckle the self-proclaimed “Vaginal Vegan”. Undeterred, Mahogany gives them another photo op of his illustrious bod as he flashes another pose at ringside before entering the ring and scaling a few turnbuckles.]

DT: Rich Mahogany is back here tonight in his second appearance since joining the ranks of Empire Pro, coming off of a debut victory over one half of the federation’s tag team champions, Otaku!

DM: A win that only came as a result of a sneaky low blow, I should point out...

MN: Blow? What blow!? He was just trying hook that weird cosplay nerd in a sensitive place and went into it strong, like a real veteran of the ring is SUPPOSED to! Serves Otaku right for not wearing a cup...

DT: In any case, Rich Mahogany -- when he can keep his EYES off the young ladies in the front row -- has proven some fox-like savvy in that ring... but let’s see if he can maintain that momentum in this follow-up match. He certainly seems confident enough...

[CUE UP: “The People That We Love” by Bush.]

Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!!”

[As the audience jeers as the arena lighting pops on and off. Copycat’s regular video appears on the EmpireTron, preceding his entrance. The fans are livid as he stands at the head of the rampway, staring daggers into his opponent in the ring, before slowly advancing forward. Aaron Jones, the misbegotten son of the senior EPW official, is not far behind him.]

MN: Oh yeah... look out, EPW... this CAT is BACK!

DT: Copycat is indeed back for his first match since coming up short against the World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestleverse IV...

MN: Coming up short? You mean getting SCREWED OVER by that jealous blow-hard, Larry Tact!

DM: In any case, as said by his usual mouthpiece in Aaron Jones over the past few weeks, Copycat’s rage for his former friend and ally in Larry Tact is putting the Smartest Player in the Game into an even darker and more dangerous mindset!

DT: Copycat took a shot at Tact at Aggression 60, and nearly cost him and the champion, Anarky, the match...

MN: Which would have been SWEET, let me tell you! To just come back and take revenge like that against the two morons that cost you the chance to SAVE this entire company? Kinda awesome...

DT: Kinda cheap and sneaky, if you ask me... but we won’t get into that now. Rich Mahogany has the unfortunate luck of facing the Cat in his first match back since his shortcoming at Wrestleverse IV. I don’t expect the Ladies Man is going to have it easy in this encounter...

[Copycat ascends to the apron and steps through the ropes, foregoing the same theatrics and poses that were displayed by his opponent a minute ago. Rich Mahogany’s attention seems caught between the Cat and the redhead with double D’s calling his name. Meanwhile, referee Bryan Weatherby makes his final checks on both competitors.]

DT: Copycat looks like he can’t wait to get started... and Mahogany, meanwhile, looks as though he can’t wait for this to be OVER!

MN: Gotta tend to the long line of ladies outside his dressing room door, after all!

DM: That sleazeball’s already got his own DRESSING ROOM?!

DT: Bryan Weatherby looks ready to go... here’s the bell!

SFX: *DING! DING!*

DT: Copycat and Mahogany come right out of the corners... and they go into the tie-up! Mahogany flexing EVERYTHING in his physique, but Copycat has him out-powered!

MN: He LOOKS good, though... that’s all that’s really important!

DM: Copycat slipping to the rear waistlock... and QUICKLY puts Rich Mahogany to the mat with a lift and a slam! Cat breaks, and finds the LEG before a stunned Mahogany can react... lifts it UP, and OUCH!! KNEE CRUSHER!!

DT: That took the smile right of Rich Mahogany’s face, now clutching that leg! Copycat gives it a few extra STOMPS for good measure until Weatherby intervenes and gives Mahogany the chance to get to the ropes!

DM: Copycat backs up and waits... but Mahogany sure is taking his sweet TIME getting back to his feet! Do I see uncertainty in his face?

MN: No, Dean, what you see is veteran ACTING! He just looks hurt, but that makes the babes croon over him later...

DT: Rich Magogany is back up, but a little reluctant to part ways with that top rope. Here comes COPYCAT now, advancing like a BEAST, and Rich goes to the ringside FLOOR to get away! Now he’s telling Weatherby to keep him off!

MN: Poor Rich... he couldn’t possibly have known he was getting Copycat while the Smartest Player in the Game was in all-out TERMINATOR mode!

DM: Weatherby ordering Rich back into the ring, and now he’s beginning the ten count as Copycat just stares him down! Mahogany takes the opportunity to get acquainted with our red-headed ringside fan... shouldn’t somebody tell this guy he’s got a MATCH going on?

MN: Hey, there’s plenty of time for that... but he forgot to dedicate his PERFORMANCE to a special lady!

DT: Copycat looks like he’s done waiting, dropping down and rolling under the ropes to the outside! Mahogany sees him and he TAKES OFF!! The Cat pursuing a sleazy RAT around the ring now as Rich Mahogany tries to get away!

DM: Mahogany turns a corner and slips into the ring! Copycat about to roll in AFTER him... but STOPS himself as he sees Rich get to his feet! Rich was going to boot him right as he got in there, I bet, but the Cat wasn’t falling for it!

MN: Wow, Copycat called even THAT veteran move! I thought Mahogany had him outsmarted there, but I was wrong!

DT: Strange to see you unusually undecided in this contest thus far... Copycat goes up the steps and reenters the ring the easy way. Rich trying to hide behind Bryan Weatherby now!

DM: Mahogany’s using one of the oldest tricks in the book, using the ref as a human shield... but Copycat keeps advancing with that cold look in his eyes!

MN: He could clearly care less about our officiating team, since they have a history of SCREWING HIM OVER!

DT: Mahogany sees he’s not buying it and pushes Weatherby to the side! Now he’s trying to get away... NO!! The Cat CATCHES HIM by that long, flowing brown hair!

MN: Oh man, not the HAIR! He probably worked HOURS just to get that perfect!

DM: Copycat reels Rich Mahogany to him... there’s a boot to the abdomen -- AND HE FOLLOWS THROUGH with the DDT!!

DT: Mahogany stunned on the mat... Copycat, meanwhile, is right back off his feet and gets a quick bounce off the ropes... and there’s a BIG JUMPING ELBOW DROP right to Rich Mahogany’s temple!

MN: See that? Even when he’s writhing on the mat in pain, Rich Mahogany makes it look sexy!

DT: Regardless, I doubt the ladies are going to like that shiner on his forehead tomorrow... but Mahogany has bigger things to worry about right now as Copycat hooks the legs and goes for the cover!

One!

Two!

Mahogany kicks out!

DM: He’s still in this match, but I bet he really misses wrestling Otaku right now!

DT: It’s been all Copycat thus far in this match... and as we speak, the Smartest Player in the Game gets the self-proclaimed Ladies Man back to his feet. Here’s Copycat, sending Mahogany into the ropes with the Irish Whip...

DM: Could be looking for the CLOTHESLINE on the return... NO!! Mahogany DUCKS it!

DT: Mahogany into the ropes -- NO, he SPRINGBOARDS off the MIDDLE ROPE -- OH MAN, Copycat takes a HEAVY flying slap right to the face!

MN: More like a SPRINGBOARD BITSCH-SLAP, baby!!

DM: Rich Mahogany CROWING to the audience... but Copycat looks AMAZINGLY PISSED OFF as he rubs the pain from his cheek and comes after him again!

DT: NO!! The sly Rich Mahogany caught him with an EYE RAKE! Copycat recoils as Mahogany gives an obviously weak excuse to Brian Weatherby... but Mahogany in motion now, OFF THE ROPES... OOH, CHOP BLOCK to the back of Copycat’s KNEE!!

MN: Man, that’s mind-blowing! Copycat is beyond a DOUBT the Smartest Player in the Game, but Rich Mahogany is definitely showing that sometimes SAVVY goes a little further than smarts!

DM: If “savvy” is your term for cheap shots and dirty tricks, then I suppose you’re right, Neels. Copycat on the mat clutching that leg, while Rich Mahogany struts around him with an occasional STOMP!

DT: He can showboat all he wants now that he’s got the upper hand, but he wasn’t smiling just a few minutes ago while Copycat was practically chasing him around the ring! Rich with ANOTHER stomp -- OH NO!! Copycat reached out and CAUGHT HIM by the boot!

MN: Uh oh... Cat’s gonna make a HAIRBALL out of him! Just don’t hit him in the face, Cat, PLEASE...

DT: Mahogany now trying to beg Copycat off as he rises to his feet with that leg in place -- but it’s a RUSE as he goes for the ENZIGURI!! He caught the Cat right in the face with that one!

DM: I would have expected a master of anticipation like Copycat to have seen that coming, but Rich Mahogany must have really convinced him that he was in definite panic mode! Clearly, he was hamming it up so the Cat would lower his brilliant and untouchable defenses.

MN: Really gotta hand it to Rich... he’s making it HAPPEN in there... even though it pains me to see Copycat on the receiving end!

DM: Cry us a river, Neels. Mahogany, yet again, showboating to the crowd as Copycat slowly gets back to his feet... here’s Rich into the ropes as Copycat gets all the way up -- and he PUTS HIM TO THE MAT WITH A BULLDOG!!

DT: Mahogany gaining some momentum, and he goes for the COVER to get the pin!

One!

Two!

No! Copycat POWERS out, practically benching Mahogany a FOOT into the air and tossing him to the side!

DM: Copycat getting back to his feet, and he just looks ANGRIER than before! Mahogany is in REAL panic mode now as he tries to get for the ropes!

DT: But Copycat gets him by the back of the tights and tries to -- OH, JESUS!! That was MORE than I needed to see of Rich Mahogany’s BACKSIDE!!

MN: All the ladies in the front row just LOST IT as soon as they got a glimpse of that perfectly chiseled ass!

DT: Mahogany flailing to escape, but Copycat YANKS him right into a rear waistlock... POWERFUL GERMAN SUPLEX right across the back of the head and shoulders! Rich Mahogany nearly got folded into an ACCORDION!

DM: Copycat CLEARLY doesn’t like being made a fool of! He’s back to his feet and already peeling Rich Mahogany off the mat... and puts him RIGHT BACK DOWN with a GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB!!

DT: Copycat hooks the legs for the PIN!

One!

Two!

NO! Mahogany manages to kick out!

MN: Proving he’s not just good looks! Don’t forget, ladies... he can take a licking and keep on ticking!

DT: Let’s just see if he can hold is own against an opponent at the caliber of Copycat! The Smartest Player in the Game is right back on his feet, waiting for Rich Mahogany to rise after him!

DM: Rich doesn’t even see him! Copycat’s got him right where he wants him! Mahogany up now, and Copycat moves...

MN: Oh jeez... LOOK OUT, RICH!

DT: Copycat shoots in low, and now Rich Mahogany finds himself on his SHOULDERS in the fireman’s carry position! Only one place to go from HERE!!

DM: Copycat SLAMS HIM TO THE MAT with the Samoan Drop! Clearly, with the power game coming out in full force, the Cat is done screwing around! He’s going to drill Rich Mahogany into the mat either until he stays down for the three count, or until he stays down for GOOD!

MN: Heaven forbid... we are witnessing a contest between two PHENOMENAL talents!

DT: Speak for yourself, Mike! Copycat straddling the arm now... and he locks Rich Mahogany into an armbar!

DM: Copycat’s got reserves of strength, and he’s REALLY wringing the arm of the Ladies Man! Mahogany is groaning in pain, and he knows he’s in a real pickle... but nevertheless, he’s reaching for the ropes, only a few feet from his fingertips!

MN: That’s the sign of a TRUE ring veteran right there! Keeps his composure and goes for the break...

DT: It’s a short distance away, but he’s got his work cut out for him with a 280 pound BEAST like Copycat sitting on his shoulder!

DM: I think Copycat senses his motives... now he’s rolling over for the FUJIWARA -- NO!! Mahogany slipped out at the last second! I thought for certain we were going to see the penchant finisher of his former Anthology ally in “The Phenom” Shawn Hart!

MN: They don’t call him “Copycat” for nothing, you know... still, GREAT savvy on the part of Mahogany, getting out of that before a bad situation got even worse!

DT: Oh please, he was flailing around like a five-year-old with his finger caught in the door....

MN: Better than TAPPING!

DM: Mahogany practically SMOTHERS the bottom rope, and Copycat can do nothing as Bryan Weatherby tells him to back up and give him room!

DT: Cat’s not listening, though... he brushes right by the referee, takes ahold of Mahogany’s foot, and just YANKS him back to the center of the ring! No getting away THIS TIME!

DM: Mahogany is trying to beg him off again, but Copycat’s definitely not going to buy that for the second time! Cat hooks the legs under his arms... what’s he got planned here?

DT: Copycat positioning himself... falling BACKWARDS -- OH MAN, RICH MAHOGANY GETS TOSSED INTO THE TURNBUCKLE WITH A SLINGSHOT!!

MN: That’s EXACTLY how he dives into muff!

DM: Copycat back on his feet... and he comes CHARGING INTO THE CORNER -- BIG AVALANCHE SPLASH!! Rich Mahogany just got his FACE buried into the padding of the top turnbuckle!

MN: And THAT’S how he motorboats!

DT: I’m not even going to ASK how you know any of that, Mike...

DM: Copycat yanks a near lifeless Rich Mahogany out of the corner... slaps on a KATAHAJIME -- AND HE THROWS HIM HALFWAY ACROSS THE RING WITH A GARGOYLE SUPLEX!!

DT: Not looking good for Rich Mahogany in there right now...

MN: Give the man a break, Dave! He hasn’t even had the OPPORTUNITY to get in a decent low blow yet!

DT: Case in point... Mahogany not moving after that suplex, and Copycat is going for the PIN to win it all!


ONE!


TWO!!


NO!! Mahogany kicked out before the three!

DM: Ooh, that look from Copycat to the referee could kill a small child!

MN: He knows they’re all out to get him...

DT: Please, Mike, for the last time... the actions of Larry Tact do NOT represent the entire officiating team of Empire Pro!

MN: Then PROVE IT!!

DM: Ugh, just ignore him, Dave... back to the match, Copycat brings Rich Mahogany to his feet once again... there’s the Irish Whip to the corner, and Mahogany connects!

DT: I don’t know how much more Mahogany can take of this brutality... here comes Copycat, laying into him with a KNIFE EDGE CHOP!!

DM: Man, you could have heard that up in the nose-bleed section! And Copycat gives him a SECOND CHOP for good measure!

MN: Chicks dig pectorals when they’re all red and bruised...

DT: Copycat allows Rich Mahogany to come stumbling out of the corner... and now he’s stalking him from behind!

DM: Copycat moving in -- HE LOCKS IN THE CAT’S CLAW!! MAHOGANY HAS NOWHERE TO GO!!

DT: NO!! NOT THIS TIME!! Mahogany GETS COPYCAT RIGHT IN THE JEWELS with the LOW BLOW! Bryan Weatherby didn’t see it, cause he was looking for the tap-out!

Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!!”

MN: YET AGAIN, the referee screws the better athlete! That being said, kudos to Rich for shaking out of that before the situation could get any worse!

DM: The expression on Copycat’s face shows practically NO EMOTION, but nevertheless, the pain coursing through him forces him down to a knee and Rich Mahogany breaks out of the Cat’s Claw by the very skin of his teeth! Cat tries to use the ropes for balance, but Mahogany uses the opportunity to CLOTHESTLINE HIM down to the RINGSIDE FLOOR!

DT: Weatherby looks like he smells something rotten, but Rich Mahogany quickly tries to plead his case by saying Copycat had ahold of his hair! If it were anybody BUT Copycat, I’m sure Bryan would see right through it and disqualify him on the spot!

MN: Fortunately, though... our officiating team is STUPID enough to let this match between two BRILLIANT ring veterans continue!

DM: Aaron Jones is assisting his mentor, Copycat, back to his feet on the outside, but Rich Mahogany isn’t going to let him stand for long! Here’s the Ladies Man stepping out onto the apron... and Copycat takes a DIVING ELBOW right to the SHOULDER!!

DT: Copycat is doing a tremendous job at withholding facial expressions, but the body language says it all! Mahogany grabs him while he’s in the midst of recovery... and just SCRAPES his forehead right across the apron!

DM: Oh, man... I can tell you from first-hand experience... NOTHING lingers after a match longer than a bad case of mat-burn.

MN: A real professional knows how to use his environment to his advantage. Maybe if YOU knew that, Dean, you wouldn’t have been such a JOBBER back in your hey-dey...

DM: I oughta choke you out right now, Neels...

DT: Mahogany rolls Copycat back into the ring as Weatherby reaches the count of four... but before he follows him in, he gives the buxom red-head at ringside a suggestive wink!

MN: Oh yeah, she knows what’s up...

DT: Mahogany back in the ring as Copycat recovers... Copycat lashing out ANGRILY with a clothesline, but Rich DUCKS, and puts the Cat to the mat with a well-timed ARM DRAG!

DM: Copycat trying to get up again... what puts this man DOWN anymore?! But Mahogany STUNS HIM with a KNEE LIFT... hooks him from the side... AND HE PUTS COPYCAT TO THE MAT WITH A SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!!

DT: Mahogany has momentum on his side once again! He goes for a quick lateral press pin!


ONE!!

TWO!!


NO!! Copycat kicks out...

DM: He should have hooked the legs, and he might have had him...

MN: What, and block the view of his chiseled ABS as he went for the victory? No way...

DT: Copycat yet again attempts to rise, but Rich Mahogany gets behind him before he can make a move... what’s THIS?!

DM: An old-school STUMP PULLER, or known better as the SEX PANTHER when delivered by Rich Mahogany! The Ladies Man is pulling that leg up, putting some strain on Copycat’s neck as he disgracefully THRUSTS his pelvic region into the back of his head!

MN: Oh yeah, Rich... give those ladies something to THINK ABOUT later on!

DT: Bryan Weatherby asking if Copycat is going to submit, but the Cat refuses to go down like THIS! Wait a moment... Copycat ROLLS BACKWARDS and reverses the hold into a PIN!!


ONE!


TWO!!


NO!! Mahogany wasn’t going to be outdone in that way...

DM: Both men scrambling to their feet... here’s Mahogany with a CHOP -- AND HE GETS SMACKED IN THE JAW WITH THE KIT KAT KICK!!

DT: KAPOW!! Just like THAT, Copycat retakes control of this match as Rich Mahogany hits the mat, counting STARS!

MN: Ouch... I was hopeful for Rich, but all the same... I can’t deny the fact that Copycat is overwhelmingly AWESOME whenever he’s in that ring!

DT: Copycat rubs some of the feeling back in his neck, but looks down at Rich Mahogany disdainfully! No doubt, he could probably get the three count here, but I think he wants to make an example of this upstart!

DM: You may be right, Dave! Copycat brings Mahogany to his feet... HOOKS HIM by the waist... and sends him FLYING LIKE A RAG DOLL with an OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!!

DT: That might be it!! Copycat quickly going for the PIN!!


ONE!


TWO!!


NO!! Rich Mahogany kicked out at the last second!

MN: Man, this guy’s a CHAMP in the making! Copycat should have ripped him to SHREDS by now, but he’s hanging in there!

DT: I think Copycat’s had ENOUGH! He peels a practically lifeless Rich Mahogany off the mat and leads him over to the corner... could it be?!

DM: I THINK SO, Dave! Copycat with a BOOT to the gut... and he LIFTS RICH MAHOGANY onto his SHOULDERS!! He’s going for the LITTERBOMB!!

DT: WAIT!! Mahogany’s got ahold of the top rope, and he’s clinging to it FOR DEAR LIFE!!

MN: Uhh... better not do that, Rich! Just take the Litterbomb before the Cat gets even MORE angry!

DM: Copycat trying to shake him loose, but not having much luck!

DT: Weatherby calls for a break, but Copycat just -- OH WAIT, RICH MAHOGANY ROLLS OVER and REVERSES INTO A PIN!!

DM: He’s got ahold of the ROPES!!

DT: The referee DOESN’T SEE IT!!


ONE!!


TWO!!


THREE!! OH MAN, RICH MAHOGANY STEALS THIS ONE FROM COPYCAT!!

SFX: *DING! DING! DING!*

[CUE UP: “Love Man” by Otis Redding.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... RICH... MAAAAHOOOOGGGGAAANNNYYYYYY!!!!

Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOO!!”

MN: Damnit, I KNEW IT!! ONCE AGAIN, the referee screws Copycat!

DT: Copycat looks FURIOUS as he gets to his feet, but meanwhile, Rich Mahogany is ECSTATIC! I don’t blame him, especially after securing a win over a top-tier competitor like Copycat... but all the same, he only got it with the aid of the ropes!

DM: The official, Bryan Weatherby, didn’t catch it... and now Aaron Jones is trying to explain it on behalf of Copycat, but the ref is saying the decision’s already been made!

MN: I mean, it’s a BRILLIANT move, don’t get me wrong... but on a guy like COPYCAT?! That referee should be FIRED for his crappy job at officiating!

DT: Once again, Copycat looks completely PISSED... but I don’t think he’s DONE here!

DM: Oh man... Rich better take his victory and get the hell out of dodge!

DT: Guess again, Dean! He’s already giving the fans their photo op! But he doesn’t see Copycat coming up to him from behind!

MN: Uh-oh... GET OUT OF THERE, RICH!!

DT: Copycat WRANGLES Mahogany from behind... hooks the leg... LIFTS HIM UP -- OH MY GOD, HE JUST DROPPED HIM INTO A STARBREAKER!!

DM: That’s LARRY TACT’S finishing move! No doubt he’s trying to send a MESSAGE to his former Anthology partner!

MN: And that message is, “YOU ASSHOLE, I’M GOING TO ANNIHILATE YOU!!” Serves you right, Tact, you bastard!

[CLOSE-UP: Copycat’s lifeless eyes pierce the camera as he stands over the fallen body of Rich Mahogany.]

Crowd: “YOU-SUCK!! YOU-SUCK!! YOU-SUCK!! YOU-SUCK!! YOU-SUCK!!”

[Aaron Jones enters the ring and implores Copycat to return to the back. Cat doesn’t hear him at first, smiling as he looks at the fallen body of Rich Mahogany, before he finally follows his protege out of the ring and back up the rampway.]

DT: Rich Mahogany may leave this match with the win, but Copycat walks away with the final word!

MN: That’s a win-win in my book! I mean, they have their differences, but at the end of the day, both of these guys can’t help but escape the obvious truth that they’re BOTH equally awesome!

DM: Mahogany’s savvy got the better of the Smartest Player in the Game, but given the circumstances, I hardly doubt this will be a major setback in Copycat’s path to vengeance! If Larry Tact is watching backstage, I can only wonder as to what is going through his head right now...

DT: Time will only tell... but in any case, Copycat has sent a profound message to the man that may have very well cost him the EPW World Heavyweight Title! Don’t go away, ladies and gentlemen! Aggression will continue after this quick message from our sponsors!

[Copycat and Aaron Jones exit through the entry-way as a woozy Rich Mahogany rolls to the floor and diverts his attention from the opponent back to the ladies. On the image of him doing his standard dance of seduction to the front-row red-head, we cut to commercials.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Dis is it

[Kenny Lombardo and Dis stand in front of a giant wheel with spokes on it. The wheel has “TV Title match” “3 Way Tag Match” “Mahogany Vs Copycat” and “Main Event” on 4 sections.]

LOMBARDO: What is the meaning of this thing?

[Dis pulls the microphone away from Lombardo.]

DIS: [Voice distorted] Let’s talk about the Sad King and myself for a moment.

You thought you were saved from a defeat at the hands of the Lunatic by our owner didn’t you?

You are mistaken.

The owner of this company saved himself by his actions.

His assistant foolishly made a promise she couldn’t keep.

My lawyer made it clear to the owner that I have an air tight case to be the person who gets the next title shot.

The owner was just saving himself from a lawsuit that would have cost him tens of millions of dollars.

This would have been Dis Pro Wrestling if that pin had gone through.

As for the Sad King.

He needs to listen to me.

I promised him I’d slap him in the face.

I did as I said.

I promise him I will fight him for his crown soon enough.

And I promise I will take it from him.

But you want to know about the wheel?

It’s the wheel we spun when I was here before.

The double stipulations that filled the tournament so many fought in to get a title shot.

Now I have changed the wheel.

It is my instrument of violence.

I have told you that no one is safe.

Now I live up to that.

Until I have my title I will spin the wheel.

Whatever match it lands on will suffer my wrath.

KL: But we've already had one match!

DIS: Lucky for them, then.

The Lunatic says it’s his world?

He is wrong.

Everyone and everything in Empire Pro Wrestling is mine do to with as I please.

I am in control.

[Dis shoves the mic back into Lombardo’s chest and walks off.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Roses

[Fade in backstage of the Air Canada Centre. Caitlyn Daymon is walking down a long hallway with her masked man in tow. She has a dozen roses in her arms with a thank you card sticking out of the top. Approaching Dan Ryan's office she is met by Lesbian Siegel.]

Lesbian: I'm sorry Caitlyn but Mr. Ryan is on a business call and won't be accepting any visitors for a while.

Caitlyn: That's quite alright if you could please give this small gift to Dan for me I would appreciate it much.

[Giving a warm smile she hands the roses to Lesbian who gives her a puzzled look, Dan Ryan..... flowers?]

Caitlyn: It's just a small bit of thanks for him stepping up and handling that lunatic the only way he can be handled.

Lesbian: Well i'll make sure to let him know.

Caitlyn: Thanks, hun.

[As Caitlyn walks away her masked henchman stares at Lesbian who slowly backs away and walks the opposite way down the hallway. Caitlyn turns a corner and runs into none other then James Murphy. Standing with a puzzled look on his face and a mic that doesn't appear to be plugged into anything.]

Caitlyn: Hey Jerry! How's it hanging.

[James Murphy looks behind him and sees no one then looks back at Caitlyn more confused then before.]

James: It's James, Mrs. Daymon

Caitlyn: Good to hear! So you are an official backstage reporter for EPW now?

James: Well I wouldn't say it's official, more of a trial run.

Caitlyn: You got any questions for me?

[James gets an excited look on his face and then as he is about to speak it looks as if he lost all thought. Caitlyn stares at him while he scrambles through his pockets and pulls out a set of notecards. Reading through them quickly he looks back up at her and gives her another confused look.]

Caitlyn: You have no idea what you are doing do you?

James: No maam. I'm just used to talking to Steven Shane.

Caitlyn: Yeah I know he's a good guy... well let's cut to the chase then shall we. You would want to ask me what I felt about Stalker getting screwed over in the main event at Aggression 60.

James: Right!

Caitlyn: And I would say. That moment right there is exactly why I came back to EPW. To see that man suffer like he made my husband suffer. Now you would ask since I saw that happen do I feel it's time for me to exit EPW once again.

James: Exactly!

Caitlyn: In which I would reply, of course not! Jason Reeves losing his grasp on a world title shot was not the only thing I wanted to see. I want to see his bones broken, his career in jeopardy and perhaps someone to throw him out of a three story window.

James: That seems kind of harsh, Mrs. Daymon.

Caitlyn: You haven't been around here long have you Jerry?

[James Murphy looks like he's about to correct her but then stops, realizing that all hope is useless.]

Caitlyn: Hey don't look so glum bud, this was just a trial run as they say. Keep your head up Jerry. You'll do better on the next one.

[She places her hand on his shoulder and gives him some comfort then walks off screen with her masked man.]

James: It's James dammit........

[Fade out.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Where is Bobby Fischer?

Ostensibly a part of Team VIAGRA, Mary-Lynn Mayweather had spent most
of the past few weeks staying out of the way at AGGRESSION, working on
legal documents, reviewing old files, and keeping out of the way.

Professional wrestling was supposed to be an outlet for her
frustration; it's helped keep her calm and focused in her legal career
[much like another wrestler - slash - lawyer of the past two decades],
but lately she's felt like a third wheel.

She tied her hair in a ponytail as she bit the tip of her pen.

"Comin' through."

"Cue music, reset pyro."

"Can someone please find Mr. Mahogany's baby oil?"

Mary-Lynn rolled her eyes. She's also tired of the locker room, the
training room. She's seen more spandex and baby oil than West
Hollywood has ever seen. So she's working on a brief in the middle of
the chaotic backstage, just paces from the entrance curtain.

Knight to King Four.

There's also a computerized chessboard in front of her, she's half
paying attention and still winning.

"Move your bishop."

Mary-Lynn's eyes moved from the brief to the board to the brief to the
board to the figure walking past at a fast clip.

"Knox," she said.

Impulse stopped and turned his head. "What's up?"

"My bishop? That's all you're gonna give me?" Mayweather smiled.
"Trust comes from evidence."

Impulse - Randall Knox - walked back to the table. He was already
wearing his wrestling gear and T-shirt, and he was carrying a bottle
of water.

"If you move your bishop there," said Impulse, moving the piece, "then
he's protecting your rook. Computer can't take the rook without
putting its king in jeopardy. You'll take its queen in two moves."

The board was studied and the appropriate moves were made.

"How long have you played," asked Mary-Lynn.

"Since high school," replied Impulse, "When I was training, Miss Ivy
taught me how, then Coop all but required it. He said it would teach
me strategy, how to look four, five moves ahead and to prepare."

Mary-Lynn smirked. "You play regularly?"

"Not for a while."

"Sit down," she invited. "I could use an opponent not created by the
coding of a nerd in his basement."

"Hah!" laughed Impulse, "You play every day, don't you?"

"Well," replied Mary-Lynn, as she reset the board and turned off the
computer, "What else am I gonna do around here? Make coffee?"

She set up the white pieces in front of Impulse and the black pieces
in front of herself. Impulse opened with a pawn, and Mary-Lynn
laughed.

"Please," said Impulse, "Be gentle."

"Can't." Mayweather smiled, lifting a black horse to her eye line.

"I'm the dark knight."

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Anarky (c) & Tact vs. Team Viagra vs. Animezing Dragons (cc)

DT: Welcome back to Aggression 61, EPW fans! We’re just moments away from what promises to be a chaotic and competitive matchup as three tag teams prepare to collide in triple threat action!

DM: This contest should be an interesting one – the EPW World Tag Team Champions, a team that has to be considered a top contender to those titles and the newly-formed alliance of the EPW World Heavyweight Champion and a recent returnee!

MN: I’m not going to disagree with you that this match should be interesting, but I think you’re leaving out some key components – components named Stalker and Dis, both of whom have their eyes on the EPW World Heavyweight Champion and his title belt.

DM: You’re absolutely right, Mike – this match could take an even more chaotic turn if Stalker or Dis decides to get involved. And while we’re looking at those X-factors, we also have to take into account the possibility that Copycat might target Larry Tact again tonight.

DT: Listen to you two, agreeing on things. Let’s head down to the ring before the shock kills me.

[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang. High Flyer, Tony Davis and Mary-Lynn Mayweather step through the curtains, appealing to the crowd before heading down to the ring to a fairly enthusiastic reaction]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a non-title triple threat tag team match!

MN: Say that five times fast.

TF: Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Mary-Lynn Mayweather! At a total combined weight of 480 pounds, Tony Davis and High Flyer, Teeeeeeeeeeeam Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiagraaaaaaaaaaa!

DT: An amazing opportunity for Team V.I.A.G.R.A. here tonight. If they win this match, it will be by defeating the reigning EPW Tag Team Champions or a team featuring the EPW World Heavyweight Champion. Either way, a victory here could propel both men to great heights here in EPW – no pun intended.

DM: They’ve already picked up some important victories lately, with High Flyer taking down the Dopesmoker at Wrestleverse IV and the full trio beating Dopesmoker and the Colossal Connection at Aggression 60. But their four opponents here tonight are a game completely unlike Dopesmoker and the Colossal Connection, and we’ll see how well they adapt to the change.

MN: I’ll tell you what change I’m noticing – this crowd doesn’t have nearly the enthusiasm for Team V.I.A.G.R.A. it usually has! Put them up against the likes of Dopesmoker, and they can’t stop cheering, but put them in the ring with the likes of Anarky and Karl “The Dragon” Brown, and all of a sudden they’re starting to sound more reserved!

DM: I don’t know that the crowd is any less hot for Team V.I.A.G.R.A. than usual, but there’s no denying the popularity of Anarky, Larry Tact and Animezing Dragons, and it remains to be seen how well Team V.I.A.G.R.A. will adapt to the difference.

[Team V.I.A.G.R.A. enter the ring, and Tony Davis and High Flyer pose on opposite turnbuckles while Mary-Lynn Mayweather poses in the center of the ring]

MN: Still, you have to give them something of an edge – they do have a manager at ringside, and unlike at least two of their opponents, they don’t have some of the most dangerous men in EPW gunning for them!

DM: Maybe not, Mike, but given the unpredictability of some of those men, I’d say everyone in this match would do well to keep an eye out for them.

[CUE UP: “Ikari no Jyushin” from Jushin Liger. As the droning of the music builds, the lights go out, then flicker green and white until the lyrics kick in. At that point, Otaku and Karl “The Dragon” Brown head through the curtains to the cheers of the fans, saluting from the entranceway before beginning down to the ring]

TF: Introducing next, at a total combined weight of 441 pounds, they are the EPW World Tag Team Champions – Karl “The Dragon” Brown and Otaku, Animeziiiiiiiiiiiing Draaaaaaaaaaagonnnnnnns!

MN: I hope they’re not planning to cheer everyone in this match. I’m going to be sick.

DM: I can hardly blame the fans for wanting to support Animezing Dragons – these two men have the kind of charisma that drives the crowd wild!

DT: You also have to be impressed at how quickly they’ve developed a seamless level of teamwork. Keep in mind, Otaku and Karl “The Dragon” Brown have only been teaming for a short time, but in that short time, they’ve put together a tandem moveset that would be the envy of any experienced tag team!

[Karl Brown slides under the bottom rope as Otaku vaults over the top, and both men pose on the middle ropes before Otaku does a backflip into the center of the ring]

DM: You can really hear the crowd getting behind the EPW World Tag Team Champions tonight! Team V.I.A.G.R.A. may have the experience as a team here, but overcoming the high energy of their opponents will be no easy feat!

MN: No easier than me overcoming the temptation to lose my lunch over the love-fest from this crowd.

[CUE UP: “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie. The crowd pops big time as Anarky and Larry Tact make their way through the curtains, Anarky with the EPW World Heavyweight Title belt strapped around his waist. The two men share a brief word at the top of the entranceway before heading down to the ring]

TF: And their opponents – at a total combined weight of 491 pounds, Larry Tact and the EPW World Heavyweight Champion, Aaaaaaaaaanarkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

DT: When they’re on the same page, you would have a tough time finding two men more formidable than these two – and I think they proved at Aggression 60 that as far as EPW is concerned, they are certainly on the same page!

MN: How sure of that can you be? You saw how Aggression 60 ended – Larry Tact got blindsided twice, and Anarky did nothing to stop it! I wonder if that exchange of words a second ago might have been Larry Tact warning Anarky that he’d better not let him get blindsided again – or else!

DM: I doubt that was the extent of their conversation, Mike, but that they were having a conversation at all might work in their opponents’ favor – these two men are used to working solo and do not have the tag team experience even of Animezing Dragons, to say nothing of the longer-tenured Team V.I.A.G.R.A.!

[Anarky and Tact roll into the ring, eyes trained on their various opponents, as Animezing Dragons and Team V.I.A.G.R.A. situate themselves in their corners. After a few seconds of Tact playing to the crowd, Anarky hands off his belt to the timekeeper and prepares for the match]

MN: Exactly, Matthews – they don’t have the experience as a team, and it shows! I wouldn’t be surprised if we see the EPW World Heavyweight Champion get upset tonight, and if that happens, I can’t even imagine the fireworks between him and Tact!

DT: I doubt we’ll see any fireworks between team members here tonight, but I expect this match will be full of surprises nonetheless!

SFX: Ding! Ding!

DM: It looks like it’s going to be Larry Tact and Karl “The Dragon” Brown starting this one out, and I’m not sure I could think of a better way for it to start!

MN: I’m not sure there is a way this could start that I would enjoy. Unless maybe it was somebody beating on Otaku.

DT: Collar-and-elbow tie-up in the center of the ring, Brown with a side headlock on Tact, and a headlock takedown by Brown. Tact with a headscissors – and Brown nips up back to his feet. Both men up now, and another tie-up.

DM: Brown wrenches Tact’s arm behind the back, but Tact with a reversal! Brown takes Tact down with a snap mare, and now Brown with a chinlock! Tact wrenches the arm to escape, and both men up to their feet – Brown with a go-behind, Tact with another go-behind, and a belly-to-back takedown by Tact! Tact now floats over into a front facelock!

DT: Brown struggling to his feet, trying to throw Tact off, but Tact still has a tight grip on that front facelock! Brown backs Tact into the unoccupied corner, and Tact breaks the hold! Both men back into the center of the ring, and another tie-up!

MN: Is this still going on? Someone go hit Otaku!

DM: Brown with a side headlock now, Tact backs to the ropes and pushes Brown off! Tact hits the mat as Brown comes off the other side, a leapfrog now by Tact and now a hiptoss as Brown comes off the ropes! No, Brown blocks it, and delivers a hiptoss of his own! Tact back up to his feet, charges right into an armdrag takedown and now Brown with a standing armlock on Tact! Brown over to his corner, and he makes the tag to Otaku!

DT: Otaku slingshots over the top rope right into a sunset flip as Brown releases the arm!

One!

Two!

No! Tact with the kickout.

DM: That’s one of the strengths of Animezing Dragons that you’re seeing there – the switch between the mat-based style of Karl Brown and the fast-moving style of Otaku can catch opponents off guard, and that’s just the way Animezing Dragons like it!

MN: I’m no huge fan of Larry Tact’s, but I can’t wait until he gets a firm grip on that weasel Otaku!

DT: Tact to his feet, and he charges Otaku, but Otaku with a drop toe hold takes his larger opponent down! Otaku now with a standing side headlock, Tact looking for a back suplex but Otaku flips out of it – pushes Tact into the ropes, and a rolling reverse cradle!

One!

Two!

No! Tact kicks out again.

DM: Otaku, wasting no time, is up again and off the ropes. Tact looking for a clothesline, but Otaku catches the arm, and there’s a crucifix!

One!

Two!

No! Tact with the kickout.

DT: And Otaku is back up once again, off the ropes, looking for a cross-body – but Tact catches him out of the air with a scintillating powerslam!

MN: Watching Otaku get beaten up never stops being fun!

DM: And a dazed Tact makes the tag to the World Heavyweight Champion! Anarky in the ring, and he drops Otaku with a knee to the head! Anarky hauls Otaku to his feet, and a snap suplex!

DT: Anarky picks Otaku up again, clamps on a headlock, out of the corner and drills him into the mat with a bulldog! Anarky off the ropes, and he drops a sharp elbow right on the back of the neck!

MN: Anarky’s gotten a little too happy-go-lucky lately for my tastes, but this is something I’ve always liked about him – the methodical offense. He’s had a chance to cover Otaku several times now, but instead, he chooses to dole out more punishment, biding his time until he actually goes for a pin.

DM: Only you would characterize Anarky as “happy-go-lucky” just because he isn’t as over-the-top violent as he used to be, Mike.

DT: Anarky takes Otaku over to the ropes, and lays a big knee right into the midsection! An Irish whip by Anarky, and another knee to the gut on the rebound puts Otaku right back down on the mat! Anarky brings him up – brainbuster! Anarky covers!


One!


Two!


No! High Flyer is in to break it up!

DM: It looked like Otaku was about to kick out, but High Flyer has been at this for a long time and he wasn’t about to take a chance!

MN: And even I can appreciate the smarts of High Flyer here – he makes sure the match keeps going, but he’s out of the ring right away, avoiding Anarky’s wrath!

DT: Anarky makes the tag back out to Tact, and Tact is in right away with a swinging neckbreaker to Otaku as he tries to regain his footing! A quick cover by Tact!


One!


Two!


And Otaku gets the shoulder up!

DM: You could see High Flyer getting ready to jump in again, but Otaku didn’t need the help, it would seem.

DT: Tact brings Otaku up, a hard scoop slam and a forearm drop across the face! Tact covers again!


One!


Two!


No! Otaku survives.

MN: And Tact goes right back on the offense! I admit, I’m enjoying this more than I expected I would. Tact with Otaku up on his shoulders – and a big gutbuster! Another cover by Tact!


One!


Two!


And Tony Davis pulls Tact off of Otaku!

DM: Tact makes a grab for Davis, but Davis is out of dodge, just like High Flyer was earlier. Tact slams Otaku face-first into the turnbuckle, and makes the tag out to Anarky. Anarky in the ring, and he lays into Otaku with kicks to the midsection!

MN: I’m just now noticing this, but have either of you noticed that neither member of Team V.I.A.G.R.A. has even been in the match yet? They might be smarter than I was giving them credit for.

DT: The other two teams have really only been tagging their partners, so I don’t know how strategic a move it is on Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s part, but they certainly haven’t been stretching for any tags – they could just be biding their time and letting their opponents tire themselves out.

DM: Anarky sends Otaku to the ropes, and a big back elbow floors Otaku on the rebound! Anarky with Otaku back to his feet, kick to the midsection, and he’s looking for an implant DDT – but Otaku wriggles out! Otaku with shots to the midsection of Anarky, fighting for a breather! Otaku up, and off the ropes – but a huge lariat by Anarky puts him down! Anarky covers!


One!


Two!


No! Otaku gets the shoulder up.

DT: Anarky drags Otaku up, but Otaku with a jawbreaker! Otaku charges at Anarky, but Anarky catches him around the waist – inverted atomic drop!

DM: But Otaku reached over Anarky’s head and made a tag to High Flyer! I don’t think Anarky noticed! Anarky turns around – right into a springboard Lou Thesz press by High Flyer! And High Flyer lays into Anarky with right hands!

MN: High Flyer knows how quickly Anarky can turn the tide in a match, and I think he’s looking to prevent Anarky from getting even a moment to breathe!

DT: High Flyer brings Anarky up, and there’s the FlyerDriver! High Flyer’s got the leg hooked!


One!


Two!


No! Anarky kicks out!

DM: High Flyer with the tag out to Tony Davis, and both men lay stereo knees into the midsection of Anarky! High Flyer with an Irish whip – sends Anarky right into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Davis! High Flyer is out of the ring, and Davis has the cover!



One!


Two!


No! Anarky gets the shoulder up!

DT: Davis brings Anarky to his feet, and delivers a beautiful gutwrench suplex! Another cover by Davis, and the leg is hooked!


One!


Two!


No! Anarky again manages to kick out!

MN: Team V.I.A.G.R.A. isn’t giving Anarky a fraction of a second to catch his breath, as Davis tags back out to High Flyer! Davis with a kick to the back, High Flyer hooks up Anarky – Lunatic Bomb! Another cover by High Flyer as Davis exits the ring!


One!


Two!


No! Another shoulder up by Anarky!

DT: High Flyer brings Anarky back up, and a double underhook – he could be looking for the Hypothermia! But Anarky takes High Flyer down at the legs, and a slingshot sends High Flyer into the turnbuckle!

MN: Yeah, the turnbuckle in his own corner! Anarky just let High Flyer tag Tony Davis! And Davis nails Anarky with a clothesline to the back of the head before he can even react! Davis brings Anarky up – head and arm suplex! A cover!


One!


Two!


No! Anarky again kicks out at two!

DM: Davis with a tag to High Flyer! Both men in the ring now, and a double Irish whip sends Anarky to the ropes! Looking for a double clothesline – but Anarky ducks it, off the ropes from the other side and he clotheslines both members of Team V.I.A.G.R.A. to the mat!

DT: Anarky plowed right through High Flyer and Tony Davis, but his momentum carried him over to the corner of Animezing Dragons, and Otaku just tagged himself in! Otaku up on the top rope – and he nails High Flyer with a flying cross body as he gets back to his feet!


One!


Two!


No! High Flyer gets the shoulder up!

DM: High Flyer is quick to get back to his feet, but Otaku with a kick to the midsection and – Liger Bomb! Otaku holds on for the pin attempt!


One!


Two!


No! High Flyer able to get the shoulder up again!

DT: Otaku makes the tag to the Dragon, and Brown off the ropes nails High Flyer with a Shining Wizard as he tries to sit up! Cover by Brown!


One!


Two!


No! Kickout by High Flyer!

DM: Brown brings High Flyer up, hooks the arms and – dragon suplex! Brown holds the bridge!


One!


Two!


No! High Flyer with another kickout! And Brown makes the tag to Otaku!

MN: He’s not nearly as fun when he’s winning.

DT: Brown with a hard scoop slam as Otaku climbs to the top rope! Otaku off the top – flying headbutt connects! Otaku covers, a hook of the leg!


One!


Two!


No! Tony Davis is in to pull Otaku off!

DM: Davis is out of the ring, and Otaku brings High Flyer to his feet! A kick to the midsection, and Otaku has High Flyer in suplex position – he could be looking for the Liger Sword! High Flyer is up!

MN: Cold Snow! Cold Snow! He just dropped Otaku right on his head!

DT: What a maneuver by High Flyer – he fought out of the Liger Sword and turned it into the Cold Snow in midair! Otaku is down, and High Flyer crawls over to his corner and makes the tag to Tony Davis!

MN: It’s too bad High Flyer was so rattled from that flurry of offense by Animezing Dragons – I think if he’d covered Otaku there, this one would have been over, and I’d have gotten to see Otaku lose!

DM: That move might have been enough to keep Otaku’s shoulders down, Mike, but I imagine the Dragon would have jumped in to save his partner if it looked like he couldn’t recover in time!

DT: Davis lifts up Otaku and nails him with a backbreaker! Davis, still with a hold on Otaku, brings him back up in the air, and there’s a second backbreaker! A third lift, and Davis drops him into a sidewalk slam! Davis with a hook of the leg!



One!



Two!



No! Otaku gets the shoulder up!

DM: Davis now drags Otaku up to his feet, and a clubbing blow to the back! And another! Davis hooks Otaku up – T-bone suplex sends Otaku sprawling to the mat! Davis over into a cover!



One!



Two!



Th-no! Otaku manages to kick out at the last second!

MN: This match has been pretty fast-paced from the get-go, but Tony Davis’ game is power and technique, and you can see that in action here – he’s slowing the pace, forcing Otaku to move at his speed!

DT: Davis brings Otaku back up, kick to the midsection and a piledriver! Otaku’s head spiked into the canvas once again, and Davis goes for the cover!



One!



Two!



No! Again, Otaku is able to hang on!

DM: Give Otaku credit – the man takes a beating, but he will not stay down!

MN: Maybe not, but Tony Davis is still firmly in control, and he doesn’t look like he’ll be giving up that advantage anytime soon!

DT: Davis brings Otaku back to his feet, hooks him up and lifts him for a vertical suplex – and Davis just lets him hang!

MN: He calls this move “Oooooh!” probably because real words are a little too complicated for him.

DT: And Otaku is driven down to the mat with the delayed vertical suplex! Davis over into a cover, a hook of the leg!



One!



Two!



No! Otaku again gets the shoulder up!

DM: It looks like Davis is getting a little frustrated with Otaku’s unwillingness to stay down, as he makes the tag to High Flyer! High Flyer is in, and he’s stalking Otaku, waiting for him to get to his feet! Otaku loads up for the Locomotive—

DT: But Otaku ducks out of the way! Otaku scrambling over to his corner, but High Flyer has him by the leg, and he drags Otaku back to his own corner! Otaku with stomps to the midsection, and he makes the tag to Davis! Both men are into the ring, and they’re setting Otaku up for the Viagra-Bomb!

DM: But Otaku is fighting back with elbows to both men! A stiff shot by Otaku sends High Flyer through the ropes to the apron! Davis charges Otaku with a clothesline, but Otaku moves out of the way – and Davis almost leveled his own tag team partner!

DT: Give credit to Tony Davis for stopping himself in time – but Otaku is off the ropes from the other side! Lightning Blade to Davis! And both men are down!

DM: Brown, High Flyer, Tact and Anarky are all looking for the tag as Davis and Otaku begin to stir!

MN: Davis is crawling to his own corner, but Otaku is crawling toward Anarky and Tact! What’s he thinking?

DT: It could be that Otaku is just confused after that beating he took, but I think he doesn’t want to try to crawl past Davis!

DM: Davis is almost to his corner – and he makes the tag to High Flyer! High Flyer in the ring!

DT: And Otaku makes the tag to Anarky!

DM: High Flyer eats a clothesline from Anarky! And another! Anarky has been out of this match a long time, and he’s a house afire in there! High Flyer whipped to the ropes – big backdrop by Anarky!

MN: Tony Davis is still shaking out the cobwebs from that Lightning Blade, and that means High Flyer is all by his lonesome in there! He’s not about to get any help unless it looks like he’s done for!

DT: Anarky with a kick to the midsection of High Flyer, and he lands a beautiful implant DDT! High Flyer is down on the mat, and Anarky is saying this one’s over!

MN: If he hits the Chaos Breaker here, that’s it for High Flyer! High Flyer staggering to his feet! Anarky with a kick to the midsection, Chaos Breaker set up!

DM: No! Anarky saw Tony Davis getting into the ring, and he lets High Flyer go to attack Davis! Anarky with a flurry of punches to Davis – and a clothesline sends him over the top rope to the floor!

DT: Anarky makes the tag to Tact – and dives over the top rope onto Davis with a plancha! A risky maneuver pays off for the EPW World Heavyweight Champion!

DM: Tact in the ring now, and he scoops a dazed High Flyer onto his shoulder! Running powerslam plants High Flyer into the canvas! Tact hooks the leg!




One!




Two!




No! High Flyer able to get the shoulder up!

DT: Tact brings High Flyer to his feet, and he’s setting him up for the Starbreaker!

MN: But High Flyer fights out with shots to the midsection! High Flyer breaks free of Tact’s grip, off the ropes—

DM: Right into a huge spinebuster by Tact that damn near broke High Flyer in half! Tact is firmly in control, and he looks like he’s ready to put this one away!

MN: Wait, he’s stopping! What’s Tact doing?

DT: Look at the front row! It’s Copycat! Where did he come from? How long has he been there?

MN: I think Copycat just wants to make sure Larry Tact hasn’t forgotten about him! He’s not even moving toward the ring!

DM: But he’s certainly got Tact’s attention, and Tact is warning Copycat not to get involved in this one! Tact turning his attention back to High Flyer—

MN: Locomotive! Locomotive out of nowhere! High Flyer just took Tact’s head off, and he can thank Copycat for the chance!

DT: High Flyer falls into a cover!




One!




Two!




Thr-no! Karl Brown makes the save at the last possible second!

MN: And look – Copycat is gone as quickly as he appeared! Reminder sent!

DM: Karl Brown pulls High Flyer off Tact, and he’s got High Flyer locked in a dragon sleeper! High Flyer is trying to fight his way out!

DT: High Flyer turns into the hold and nails Brown with an elbow to the gut, and another! High Flyer with an elbowsmash to the head! High Flyer sets Brown up – he’s looking for the Too Fly to Fly!

DM: No! Brown reapplies the dragon sleeper! Brown lifts High Flyer up – Dragon’s Bite! Brown with the cover, but referee Emilio Gomez is telling him he’s not the legal man!

DT: Wait, Anarky yanks Brown away from High Flyer! Chaos Breaker to Brown!

DM: I believe I saw Anarky reach out to Tact and tag himself in, so he’s legal in the match! He instinctively goes for a cover on Brown, but Brown still isn’t the legal man – High Flyer is!

DT: No, look! Otaku nudged High Flyer over to his own corner, and he tags himself into the match!

MN: Otaku is about to get himself killed! I can’t wait!

DM: Anarky turns around – kick to the midsection by Otaku! Otaku lifts Anarky up, looking for the Liger Sword!

DT: But Anarky slides down the back! Anarky grabs Otaku by the neck! Chaos Breaker!

DM: No, Otaku elbows his way out! Otaku off the ropes, ducks a clothesline from Anarky – Chidori! Chidori! The Chidori connects!

DT: Anarky is down right in the center of the ring! Otaku makes the cover!




One!




Two!




Three!

No! No! Tony Davis pulled Otaku off at the last possible second! Good grief, we were a fraction of a second away from a major upset here tonight!

MN: If Otaku pins the EPW World Heavyweight Champion here tonight, I quit! You’ll never see me again! I mean, I don’t even like Anarky, but Otaku?

DM: It may be about time for me to start rooting for Otaku, but one person who’s not a fan of Otaku is Tony Davis, who drags Otaku over to his own corner and tags himself in with a hard shot right to the face! Davis in, and he launches Otaku over the top rope to the floor!

DT: Davis picks up Brown and tosses him over the top as well – right onto Larry Tact, who was trying to regain his footing on the outside!

DM: Anarky getting back to his feet! Davis with a kick to the midsection, and he grabs a double underhook!

MN: One Equalizer coming up!

DT: No! Anarky grabs the arms and twists around, turning Davis around with him! Chaos Breaker!

DM: Anarky into a cover! The leg is hooked!




One!




Two!




Three!

SFX: Ding! Ding!

DT: High Flyer lunged to make the save, but he wasn’t in time as Anarky picks up the win!

TF: Here are your winners: Larry Tact and the EPW World Heavyweight Champion, Aaaaaaaaaanarkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

DM: Two big wins in a row for the team of Anarky and Larry Tact – despite their being targets for some of the more formidable members of EPW’s roster, they continue to come out on top!

MN: You call a DQ victory and a fluke pinfall in a chaotic match like this one “big wins?” I mean, there’s no denying that this is two in a row for Anarky and Larry Tact, but I don’t think I’d call these big victories – if these two goody-goodies want to achieve big victories, they ought to do it one-on-one against Stalker, Dis and Copycat!

DT: And we could very well see some of those matches soon enough, depending on how things shake out later on – but for tonight, the EPW World Heavyweight Champion and the technical veteran are victorious, and Team V.I.A.G.R.A. and the EPW World Tag Team Champions have to go back to the locker room without the win! There’s plenty more in-ring action coming up at Aggression 61, EPW fans, so stay tuned!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Sunshine On a Cloudy Day

Cut to the backstage area, where there is a commotion. The mysterious man seen earlier tonight entering the arena is now huddled in the middle of the concessions area, slowly rocking back and forth. Seemingly unaware of the melee he is causing, that is until a security personnel approaches him.

Security: “...um, sir? Sir we’re gonna need you ta get up outta here right now, sir.”

The man looks up, and his concern turns to a feeble grin. Relishing in the conflict, the man gets to his feet, and places his hand sarcastically on the Officer’s shoulder.

“Hey there, how’s it going? I’m going to take a....stab and say that you don’t recognize me. Well, that’s fine. In fact, I’ve never actually been on this here television program before, but, I can assure you, I AM in fact, one of the talent. Do you...like wrestling?”

The officer shakes his head in the affirmative, all the while trying to escape the increasingly hostile clutches of the man he was reprimanding.

“...You see...I used to be...kind of....a big deal. You might know me better as...Rob Franklin? I wrestled in various promotions before reti-”

Security: “-Holy ****! You’re him! You’re ta guy who lost to Dan Ryan in the TEAM Invit-”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU REMEMBER THAT TOO! EVERYBODY REMEMBERS THAT!”

Suddenly, the exchange turns violent, and Franklin grasps the man by his throat, and tosses him over a merchandise table! The crowd around the two suddenly scatters away as Franklin starts to smile sheepishly.

“Why do people interrupt? I’m the only one who ever has anything to say.”

Franklin turns to the mob of people who witnessed the attack.

“It’s okay, it’s part of the...process. I’m just getting out of therapy, and you know what? That felt good. Probably not for him, though.”

Suddenly, a swarm of law officers surround Franklin.

Officer #1: “Mr. Franklin, we’re going to have to ask that you come with-”

“Mr Franklin? No, no no nononononono....that’s my....slave name. Mr. Franklin is dead. I’ve been going back and forth in my mind about this. Call me....call me Mr. Sunshine.”

The grin around Franklin/Sunshine’s face widens and he peacefully leaves with the officers. He turns to the camera sarcastically.

“Oh no! I guess I can’t debut tonight after all!”

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Check

"I've never met anyone so interesting," said Mary-Lynn, "most people
assume a revolution is a violent overthrow of a legitimate governing
body. Check."

"Not really," replied Impulse, "I mean, it was started by Craig and
Eddie in the New Frontier, the place had turned to a fun - filled
freakshow, and they wanted to bring things back to wrestling. Craig
suggested it pretty much just as he hired me, so it was a natural fit.
Ever since, Mary-Lynn, I kinda made it my own."

"Friends call me Mayfly. Check."

They were over a half hour into their game, and some of the backstage
panic - and - hustle of the tech side of a wrestling event had been
slowed by the small crowd that had gathered.

Mary-Lynn's glasses were tilted down her face, and the legal briefs
had not been touched since the game started.

Impulse sat back, unconcerned over the fact that there were a good
five or six more black pieces on the board than white.

"When it became clear that there was no Wrestling Revolution," said
Impulse, "and that the only one who seemed to care about it was
myself, I made it my own. Check."

"Clever."

"Thank you."

"I meant your move." Mayfly smiled, teasing Impulse. She moved her
piece to get herself out of check with a simple defensive move.
Impulse promptly took another of her pawns.

"I don't know," said Mayfly, "I just never thought of a revolutionary
as someone who was playing by the rules."

"You've got a point," ceded Impulse, "the more accurate phrase would
probably be counterculture."

"Like the hippies?"

It was Impulse's turn to laugh. "Something like that, but less dirty.
You remember the way wrestling changed in 1995-1996 or so?"

Mary-Lynn cocked her head to the side. "I was studying Immanuel Kant's
deontological views. My brother was all about Paul Heyman."

"Weren't you like, ten? Check."

"Yeah," replied Mary-Lynn, "Fifth grade. Your point?"

"Anyways," continued Impulse, "back in the day, the business was
filling up with badasses and anti - heroes. The first round was cool
enough, but like anything, repetition caused mediocrity. You could
point to just about anyone in any company and say 'That's the
brash, rebellious guy with the heart of gold, raging against the
machine.' New ideas are groundbreaking and revolutionary until the
system takes hold and makes it the standard, then it's just like
everything else."

He moved a rook to the end of the board. Mary-Lynn whistled.

"Check," said Impulse.

"You got me," replied Mary-Lynn, moving her queen directly in the path
of the rook, only to see it promptly taken. She took the rook with her
king on the next turn, but the most powerful piece in her arsenal was
now gone.

"I try," said Impulse, "But that's why it doesn't bother me when
Steven Shane is looked on as the second coming for one act of decency
- fans have forgotten what it means for someone to stand up and
regularly do the right thing."

He shrugged. "It's what I do."

Mayfly laughed. "That, and make a genius look like an idiot during a
game of chess." Mary-Lynn moved one of her pieces quickly and swatted
her hand to the table's edge. "Vestigial Chess Club twitch. Wow...
check."

 

[DBrunkGXW]

EPW TV Title Match: Cameron Cruise (c) vs. Adrian Willard

[MUSIC UP: “Genesis” by Justice. The crowd gives a mixed reaction as Adrian Willard makes his way to the ring. Willard looking confident as he walks to the ring with a swagger. Willard has on black tights with “Prophecy” in green running down one leg.]

TF: The following contest is set for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit, and it is for the EPW World Television Championship! Making his way to the ring from Chicago, Illinois weighing in at 265 pounds…Here is the challenger, the Prophecy…ADRIAN…WILLARD!!

DT: The challenger fresh off a pin of the champion makes his way to the ring with the belief that he will absolutely win the EPW Television Championship tonight.

DM: It’s hard to bet against him, he’s a tough man who’s shown he can not only hang with Cameron Cruise, but also put his shoulders down for the three count.

MN: It wasn’t for the gold, everything gets taken up a notch when it’s for the title, we’ll see if he can hang with Cruise when it’s for all the marbles.

[MUSIC UP: “Killing In The Name Of” by Rage Against The Machine. The crowd boos loudly as Cameron Cruise comes through the curtain, white trunks and ring boots, with “Cruise” on the seat in black. The EPW TV Title strapped across his waist.]

TF: And his opponent. From Jacksonville, North Carolina…Weighing in at 262 pounds…He is the EPW World Television Champion…CAMERON CRUISE!!

[The crowd boos as Cruise takes the belt and holds it in the air before handing it to Pat Jones. After a beat the bell rings.]

DT: World TV Title on the line as Cruise and Willard lock up…Cruise with an arm ringer and now gets a HIPTOSS and takes Willard to the mat…Cruise now wrenching that arm and working over the challenger.

DM: At Aggression 60 it was a smash mouth game plan for Cruise that backfired and he only got in stride later in the match, this time it seems like Cruise is coming out looking to grapple and wrestle his opponent.

DT: Willard pops to his feet and punches away at Cruise, snapping the head of the champion back and now gets his arm free…Cruise now picked up by Willard who SLAMS THE CHAMPION!

DM: These two men might be about the same size, but you can just tell Willard has the power advantage in this fight. He showed it last week and it’s coming up again here tonight.

DT: Willard lets Cruise get to his feet…Willard smiling big at the champion, he can feel he has Cruise’s number. They lock up again. Cruise with a go behind…Willard switches…Willard takes Cruise to the mat and now Willard floats over into a headlock…Willard again smiling big at the crowd as he holds down the champion.

MN: He’s too cocky, he’s going to get burned, Cruise isn’t a slouch in there and he’ll find some answers, just like last time Willard was a house of fire and Cruise figured him out.

DT: Willard did win that match Neely.

MN: Yeah…Well it was close…

DT: Cruise back to his feet…He’s fighting to pull Willard’s grip off his head...Cruise frees himself and goes for an arm…WILLARD PULLS CRUISE INTO A SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE! Cruise stumbles back to his feet…TAKES ANOTHER CLOTHESLINE TO THE FLOOR!!

DM: Cruise spilled to the outside as Willard has one again controlled the early going of the contest between these two.

DT: Willard being kept back by the ref as Cruise slowly gets himself to his feet…Willard not letting the ref start the count out cause he knows he won’t win the title that way…Cruise using Willard’s refusal to accept a count out to take some time to get his wits about him…Cruise now finally back into the ring…Willard gets a waist lock on Cruise…BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX BY THE CHALLENGER! THE COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Willard gives the ref a look before grabbing Cruise…HE HAS HIM UP FOR A POWERSLAM!! PLANTS THE CHAMPION!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Willard is STUNNED that Cruise got out of that one! He’s really giving the ref an earful over that count.

MN: The pretty boy is starting to crack over the first sign of trouble, typical flash in the pan goober.

Cruise stumbles into the corner…He’s in a world of hurt as Willard now is hammering away on him…The ref pulling Willard away from Cruise, telling him to let Cruise out of the corner…Willard backs up to the other corner…HE CHARGES CRUISE FOR A SPLASH…CRUISE MOVES!! WILLARD HIT THE TURNBUCKLE!!

DM: You mean the exposed steel turnbuckle!

DT: Cruise untied the turnbuckle pad while the ref was pulling Willard off him, Willard is down and out, the ref is yelling at Cruise about the pad coming off the corner, Cruise is pleading ignorance, but you know for sure that he did that.

MN: You can’t prove anything! It was a tragic accident, tragic for Willard!

DT: The ref telling Cruise he’s tying the buckle back on and to stay off Willard while he does, Cruise complaining about this, cause he thinks he should be allowed to pin Willard right now, Willard is barely moving, he hit that metal like a ton of bricks. The ref has now finally tied the pad back on and now Cruise thinks about covering Willard…Decides against it…He picks up Willard…SLAMS him to the mat…Cruise going outside…He isn’t known for his high flying…CRUISE OFF THE TOP WITH A SPLASH…NOBODY HOME!!

DM: That could be a costly mistake for Cruise he should have taken his shot for the pin and the match when he had it, by letting Willard have a chance to move out of the way he’s kept this contest going!

MN: Good deflection of the real problem, the ref jobbed Cruise plain and simple, he had no proof Cruise pulled that pad off the corner, if he just lets Cruise make the pin as he should have, this thing is over right now! Cruise should protest if he loses this match!

DT: Both men down, Willard to his feet first and now he grabs Cruise…HE MUSCLES HIM UP…IT’S TIME FOR THE HIGHER VISION!! NO!! CRUISE SPINS OUT OF IT AND DDT’S WILLARD INTO THE MAT!! HE PLANTED HIM!!

DM: What a turn of events, he just laid out the challenger with that shot, when Willard appeared to be so close to victory, Cruise take it away from him.

DT: Both men down again, now Cruise crawling over to Willard, he drapes an arm over Willard’s chest…

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Willard rolls the shoulder and keeps himself in the hunt for the TV Title. Cruise now back to his feet….Cruise backs up into the corner, measures Willard…DRIVES THE KNEE INTO HIS HEAD! Willard writhing on the mat in pain as the TV Champion has taken control here.

MN: Just like I said he would, Cruise now dominating and it’s only time before this is a successful title defense…

DT: Cruise now behind Willard…Willard stumbles to his feet…CRUISE LOCKS IN A SLEEPER!! Willard thrashing trying to escape…Cruise now hops up on Willard’s back, putting his weight on the challenger and really sinking the hold in…Willard stumbling and drops to one knee…Willard fading away in the hold now.

DM: This is a pretty old school move we haven’t seen out of Cruise, this might have been a trick he was keeping up his sleeve till a moment like this.

MN: A vet like Cruise has every angle covered, and Willard’s finding that out now!

DT: Willard on his knees…He slumps to the mat…Cruise wrenching the hold in…The ref checks the arm…it drops once…Another arm check, it drops again…THE FINAL ARM CHECK…WILLARD HOLDS IT UP!! WILLARD FIGHTING THE HOLD!!

MN: Lock it in Cruise! Finish this turkey!

DT: Willard fighting to get to his feet, Cruise maintaining the hold, Willard doing all he can…He’s up…Cruise hops back on his back…WILLARD RUNS BACKWARDS AND CRUSHES CRUISE INTO A CORNER!!

DM: That was over 500 pounds hitting that corner, that nearly moved the ring with the speed he threw himself and Cruise into it.

DT: Both men down, and this crowd is getting loud as they cheer what has been a brutal and intense contest between these two men…Both men slowly getting to their feet…Willard and Cruise now in the center of the ring trading rights and lefts…Neither man backing down, who is gonna win this exchange of blows…[Bell rings!] The bell?! What the heck?!

DM: The ref is waiving this match off!

MN: Time limit draw! Cruise retains!!

DT: That was fifteen minutes? Man that went by so fast!

DM: Well we had that delay in the match when the turnbuckle fell off, and you think about how long that sleeper was on…I can see it having been 15 minutes!

MN: You two own watches or a cell phone?! I t was 8:32 when the bell rang and it’s 8:47 now, it’s pretty simple!

TF: This bout has gone the fifteen minute time limit…And therefor it is a draw…A DRAW!!! [Boos! “Five more minutes!” chant starts.]

DT: The ref still trying to pull these two apart as the fight continues even after the bell…CRUISE JUST GOUGED WILLARD IN THE EYE! What a cheap shot…REALITY CHECK ON WILLARD!! What a sneaky, low down move by Cruise!

MN: Ha! Take that you idiot! OH NO!

DT: IT’S DIS!!! DIS THROUGH THE CROWD!! DIS GRABS THE TV TITLE AND ROLLS INTO THE RING…CRUISE TAKES THE TV TITLE OFF THE SKULL!! DIS NOW TAKES THE BELT AND DRIVES IT INTO WILLARD’S HEAD!!

DM: Dis said he was going to attack a match on this card, and guess these are the unlucky guys to face his wrath!

DT: Dis now grabbing Cruise…DIS HAS HIM UP!!! THAT WAS AN X-TERMINATOR!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Dis waiting on Willard who’s stumbling to his feet…DIS WITH AN X-FACTOR TO THE JAW OF WILLARD!!!

DM: Could this really be Sean Stevens?!

MN: PLEASE LET IT BE SO!!

DT: Dis unfastening his mask {“Triple X!” chant] DIS TAKES OFF HIS MASK…

DM: WOW!

MN: Is it Stevens?! Please tell me it’s Stevens!

DT: Oh that jerk…There’s another mask under it! [Boos!] Dis standing tall in the ring over the fallen bodies of Cruise and Willard, who had a hell of a fight, and I’m sure it won’t be the end of that saga. But right now the mystery of who Dis is and why they are doing these things just continues to deepen, we’ll be right back fans!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

...and MATE

By this point, most of the roster was done working for the night. A
crowd gathered around the small table where Mary-Lynn Mayweather began
the night working on legal briefs.

Since then, she had engaged in a mental battle with the EPW
Intercontinental Champion, Impulse, over a chessboard. Their
discussions ranged from the vagaries of basic battle techniques to
hippies to moral ethics and their own roles in professional wrestling
itself.

The crowd was comprised of both wrestlers and staff: those who didn't
understand the game were brought up to speed by those who did. As
wrestlers, the athletes, for the most part, understood the tactical
skill of the game; even the brawlers appreciated the need to see three
or four moves ahead.

"Good and evil don't need each other," said Impulse, "Popular opinion
is that you can't determine what's good without a reference, but I
disagree. I really don't need to see someone curbstomping a kitten to
know that it's the wrong thing to do. Check."

"You've got a valid point," replied Mayfly, "if a bit naive and
unrealistic. In an idyllic world you might be right, but you're
forgetting about human nature. Most people try to be the best they
can, not all succeed. Others choose not to."

They were down to the last gasps of the match. Impulse had his King, a
Rook, and a Knight remaining. Mary-Lynn had her King, a Rook, a
Bishop, and a lone Pawn.

The White King was pinned down on one side of the board by the black
Rook & Bishop. A white knight and rook were side by side in front of
Black's bishop. And a lone black pawn in the corner. Anyone who moved
to take another's piece would have that piece taken in immediate
retaliation.

Stalemate, until someone takes a risk.

"You're a student of psychology, aren't you?" asked Impulse, "And
you're following something as un-scientific as human nature?"

Mayfly smirked. "I'm also a student of philosophy, Randall, which is
nothing but human nature. You can't ignore man's natural
instincts."

"In your study of human nature, does optimism and hope for your fellow
man have any place?"

"Sure it does," replied Mayfly, "but those are emotional responses and
can't be quantified as a constant since they vary from person to
person."

"RK!"

The crowd parted, and Impulse turned his head to see his girlfriend,
Rosalyn Callasantos, approaching with the EPW Intercontinental
Championship belt over her shoulder.

"Rose," said Impulse, "I thought you were watching. Where'd you go?"

"I went to get your belt," she said, "They're on the last commercial
break, you need to get out there in the next two minutes or so."

"Oh, crap," said Impulse, looking at the clock over the entranceway,
"Business calls. Can we have a rematch another time, Mayfly?"

'Mayfly?' mouthed Rose, to the crowd.

"Sure," replied Mary-Lynn, "Except for one thing."

She moved the pawn one space, reaching the other side of the board.
With a motion, she replaced it with her captured Queen.

"Checkmate," she blushed.

A round of applause filled about half the crowd.

"Check...mate?" asked Impulse. He looked at the board for a long
moment, and smirked at her. "You knew what time it was, didn't you?
You were just messing with me, playing defense, until I had to go,
right?"

Mary-Lynn shrugged and folded her arms over her chest. "Probably," she
smiled, "but if it helps, you're one of the more creative opponents
I've ever played against."

Impulse stepped forward and offered his hand, which Mary-Lynn shook.
"I stand in the presence of greatness, my friend. I'll definitely take
you up on that rematch before long."

The crowd parted again to let Impulse and Rose through, and they made
their way directly to the curtain leading to the arena proper.
Mary-Lynn tracked them as long as she could, then quietly reset the
board and turned the computer player back on.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

What is this? The board games show?

[FADEIN: The First and Muse sitting over a cribbage board, cards in hand, while Eddie Burns paces in the background. First and Eddie are in their ring gear, Muse looks like DJ-Pon3.]

MUSE: Fifteen two, fifteen 4 and and a double double run for 20.

FIRST: You had 4 points…Four stinking points before I cut that seven…You are beyond lucky against me, it is just unconscious the luck you have against me in this game…This is why I play you yearly.

MUSE: We need to play for higher stakes…Like maybe your soul…I want to be The First…

FIRST: Don’t think I can cough up my soul that easy, and I got first count, I only need 14 to go out.

MUSE: Only 14?! Good luck buddy.

BURNS: I have no idea how you two can play a game while we’re a few minutes away from fighting in the main event here…I’m so amped up…Have you seen that crowd?

FIRST: I’m not going to say you ever get used to the crowds…But you come to expect the adrenaline rush that hits when you walk out there. It’s something that just gets you going and you feel like you can run through a brick wall…And besides there’s nothing we can do now to get more ready for the match, so just relax…

BURNS: I just want to shut Impulse up so bad…That man is a scumbag….

FIRST: He may also be the best wrestler in the industry.

BURNS: So what? Michael Jordan was the best in basketball but off the court, total jerk, that’s all I’m ever trying to tell you man…Or should I call you TF like your hero does?

FIRST: Maybe we’ll hit a bar and we’ll talk about his nickname for me after the show…Six

MUSE: 12 for 2.

FIRST: you fool you fell into my trap, 18 for 6.

MUSE: Re-trapped, 24 for 12 and I’m out, good game honey.

[First leans back in his chair and shakes his head.]

FIRST: You are never this lucky against anyone else at this game. I bitterly resent that the fates of the universe have conspired to make it such that I’ll never be allowed to win at this against you.

MUSE: Maybe you could join with Stalker…It’s how you finally won the EPW Title, maybe it’s how you’ll beat me at cribbage…

BURNS: Oh burn!

FIRST: Man with friends like you…Maybe I should go find Stalker and partner up again…

MUSE: He’s not as good in bed as me.

FIRST: How do you know? He could be a tiger in the sack.

[Muse throws the deck of cards at First, scattering them all over the place.]

MUSE: You’re a monster First.

FIRST: I know.

BURNS: You two and your damn fifth element references.

MUSE: Multipass.

BURNS: I’m taking a walk, I can’t believe you two are this calm.

[Burns leaves]

FIRST: I hope he’s up for it…Hell, I hope I’m up for it…

MUSE: He can carry his weight…You just need to do what you do…Impulse is good, but he’s not better than you…And Shane…Well to hell with that guy…

FIRST: I know…Just gonna be a hell of a fight…Haven’t been here in so long, it’s like I gotta see if I still got it or not, you know…

MUSE: You got it kid, you’ll show them all that tonight…And you know that too or you wouldn’t have come back…After all the wars with Stevens, all the feuding with Anthology…There’s nothing under the sun you haven’t seen in this life…And if there is you got a few hundred other lives of experience to draw upon.

FIRST: Now I get the pep talk.

MUSE: Yeah, mostly cause I want you to pick up all these cards so I can beat you at cribbage again.

FIRST: Always a catch with you.

MUSE: Yes indeed.

FIRST: So be it…But I’m gonna win this time…

MUSE: Good luck with that.

[First and Muse drop to the ground picking up cards from the deck. FADEOUT]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

MAIN EVENT: Impulse (c) & Steven Shane vs. The First & Eddie "The Fire" Burns

[Bell rings, popping the crowd.]

TF: The following contest is the MAIN EVENT and is set for ONE FALL!

[MUSIC UP: “Happy Birthday” by The Birthday Massacre. The crowd pops big as The First shoots out from the behind the curtain, screaming at the crowd! First is in black gi pants, black ring boots, with a black “Believe in Boston” Wife beater with an Ankh symbol replacing the shamrock, his face painted white with the “Eye of Horus” pattern covering both eyes. Following behind him are Muse and Eddie “The Fire” Burns. Muse’s hair dyed in various shades of blue, she has on giant sunglasses, mid-drift bearing T-Shirt and skinny blue jeans. Eddie looks tense as he walks to the ring in long fire designed tights with red ring boots.]

TF: Introducing first…Being led to the ring by Muse…They weigh in at a total combined weight of 416 pounds…EDDIE “THE FIRE” BURNS…AND THEEEE FIRRRST!!!

DT: The First making his long awaited return to the ring, joined by his friend Eddie Burns in what is sure to be an exciting and dynamic main event here tonight.

DM: It will be interesting to see if there’s any ring rust on the former EPW World Champion.

MN: It’ll be interesting to see if he or his loser partner can hang with Impulse…I don’t like Impulse much but the man spoke a great deal of truth leading up to this match, First was NEVER truly EPW’s World Champion, he was a scumbag who stole that belt and got what was coming to him, and this bingo hall reject isn’t much in the way of a wrestler either!

[The three hit the ring, First and Burns hitting the second rope on the corners to the side where the hard camera is, Muse standing in the center of the ring pointing to the two men.]

DT: The crowd roaring in approval as Eddie Burns and The First stand in the ring, while you might not have much expectation for this team, these fans sure do.

DM: I wouldn’t take Neely’s bitterness to heart, I’m pretty sure we’re about to see one hell of a match here.

[MUSIC UP: “Power” by Kanye West. The lights dim as pyro goes off streaming on the top of the ramp way, finally after one final explosion “Sensational” Steven Shane rises to the top of the ramp from a lift inside the ramp. Shane has on dark blue trunks, blue knee pads and elbow pads, and blue ring boots.]

TF: Introducing their opponents…First hailing from Hollywood, California, weighing in at 253 pounds…”SENSATIONAL!” STEVEN! SHANE!

[Shane high fives the fans as he makes his way to the ring, he enters the ring as Pat Jones keeps The First and Eddie Burns on their side of the ring, Shane raises his arms, popping the crowd before backing into his team’s corner.]

DT: Steven Shane earned himself more than a few fans by his actions against Impulse at Aggression 60. He decided not to take the easy road to the title and while he might have lost the match, but I think that he showed us the kind of man he is.

MN: Yes, a loser!

DM: I don’t think Shane is a loser he had a hell of a match with Impulse and he just came up on the short end of the stick. Shane has been in EPW for a short time and he’s already captured the EPW World Tag Team Championship with Stalker and he more then gave Impulse a run for his money.

[MUSIC UP: “Revolution Baby” And the crowd pops loud as the drums kick in. Impulse and Calico Rose stand in the entrance way soaking in the massive cheers of the crowd. Impulse wearing an Ice Tre T-Shirt, black long tights with a green grid on the seat with a white heartbeat line going across it. Impulse’s hands taped up with “JFZ” written on the back. The EPW Intercontinental title belt secure around his waist. Rosie wears a black slip dress, black calf high boots. The two make their way to the ring, high fiving fans as they go.]

DT: The Intercontinental champion, and a man many people think may be the best pure wrestler in this company or even this industry has this crowd in the palm of his hand as he and Calico Rose make their way to the ring for this tag team main event.

DM: Impulse has been dominating since coming to EPW, but tonight will pose a challenge, as can he truly trust Steven Shane, and how will the Marathon Man measure up when he fights a former EPW World Champion in The First.

MN: The painted up moron is a fraud, and his friend is a push over, I hate Impulse a great deal, but this is going to be a cakewalk for the man, I almost think Shane should defect maybe a three on one might make this fair.

TF: And his partner…Led to the ring by Calico Rose, from New York City, New York…Weighing in at 188 pounds, he is the EPW Intercontinental Champion…IMMMMPULSE!!

[Impulse takes off the IC belt and holds it aloft in his right hand, popping the crowd big, Impulse and Shane standing in their corner, The First and Burns on the other side, after a few moments, Shane talks his way into starting the match for his team and First steps to the apron. After a beat Pat Jones calls for the bell]

DT: And the main event of Aggression 61 is underway! Shane and Burns lock up and Shane gets a side headlock on Burns…Eddie with a elbow to the mid-section and he shoves Shane off to the ropes…Shane comes back with a SHOULDER BLOCK taking Burns off his feet…Eddie scrambles back to his feet and gets caught with ANOTHER SHOULDER BLOCK…Shane off the ropes…This time Eddie catches him with a hip toss! NO! Shane with a block and he flips Burns to the mat! Eddie rolls to the floor and slams his hands on the apron in frustration!

DM: We saw this out of Burns in that training video that First and Burns had…It’s clear nobody’s a harder critic for Eddie Burns than himself.

MN: I’m a harsher critic! He’s stealing money from EPW, I can’t believe Dan Ryan gave this kid one thin dime, he’s not on the level of our talent!

DT: First out on the floor calming Eddie down…Burns backs First off [ BURNS: “I got this, I got this, don’t worry about it.” ] Now Eddie back on the apron and into the ring…Shane meets him with a knee to the gut! Right hand after right hand by Shane, who’s now decided to take a more smash mouth approach to this match…Shane sends Eddie to the ropes…GETS HIM UP FOR A HIGH ELEVATION SPINEBUSTER! SHANE WITH A COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

MN: I’m stunned he kicked out I had my headset half taken off after he landed that move. This kid is badly outclassed in that ring.

DM: You know Neely, I’ve seen a lot of Burns on the indy scene and he’s not the bum you make him out to be.

DT: Shane sends Burns into the corner and follows him in with a clothesline! [Shane gives a shout to the crowd, popping them as Burns stumbles out of the corner and ends up near his own corner.] Shane now gives a glance towards Impulse, and makes the tag! [Crowd pops as Impulse enters the ring.]

DM: First now lunging, begging for a tag from Burns, you know how badly he wants to get in the ring with Impulse!

MN: Cause if he lets his idiot friend fight him this will over in 45 seconds!

DT: Burns clutching his neck as he now is looking at Impulse [FIRST: “Eddie, you gotta give me the tag, I need this man!”] and now looking towards The First…BURNS MAKES THE TAG [Crowd pops big as First jumps over the top rope into the ring, First waving the crowd on to cheer louder as he begins circling Impulse.]

DM: Now this is going to be exciting!

MN: Yeah, it’ll be exciting for me to see a wrestling machine tear down your fraud hero!

DT: First and Impulse locking up…Impulse with an arm wringer, First reverses it…Impulse gets the advantage again…First does a front flip to reverse again and this time manages to send Impulse to the mat with the arm wringer. Impulse quickly back to his feet and he flips through the arm bar, First releases before letting Impulse’s momentum take him down…impulse now with a quick go behind and he gets the takedown on The First, Impulse quickly into a hammerlock on the mat.

DM: First can’t go hold for hold with Impulse, but can he really beat Impulse in a battle of high flying moves either? Normally The First uses a quick pace to get his opponents off balance, but that just plays into Impulse also.

MN: You’re learning Dean, finally seeing the world the way it is. We’ve upgraded from stupid annoying little guy hero 1.0 to stupid annoying little guy here 4.0…It’s a quantum leap in talent!

DT: First up to a sitting position…A back elbow catches Impulse off balance, I don’t think he expected that shot…First quickly after him and sends Impulse to the ropes…SPINNING HEEL KICK! Impulse caught flush, but he gets near the ropes so First can’t make a cover…First with kicks to the ribs as Impulse gets up in the corner…First whips Impulse to the opposite corner…Impulse with a reversal and catches First out of the corner with a BACK BODY DROP!

DM: First normally is a high flyer, but that time he went flying without wanting to!

DT: First back to his feet…Impulse with a clothesline…First ducks…First reaches back, going for a backslide…Impulse flips through and into an inside cradle…FIRST REVERSES IT!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

[Both men pop to their feet, First makes the “This close” motion with his hand at Impulse, who confidently shakes his head “No.”]

DT: So far these two men have fought to a draw and they lock up again…Impulse catches First with a headbutt…First staggers back…Impulse with a chop [woo!] and another! [woo!] First now firing back with chops to the chest of his own! Impulse now winning the exchange and drops First after a series of uncontested knife edges! [Pop!] Impulse off the ropes with a BIG ELBOW DROP…NOBODY HOME! First scrambles back to his feet…IMPULSE KIPS UP! [Impulse waves First towards him. FIRST: “Oh we can go all night, tell them to hit the bricks and just settle this here and now.” Impulse doesn’t say anything but keeps motioning for First to fight.]

DM: This has lived up to the billing and then some, an even battle between two of the best in EPW today!

MN: Maybe I bought too much of the hype of this kid, I hate that the freak is even hanging with him.

DT: First and Impulse lock up again…First just SHOVES Impulse to the mat…Impulse pops up and catches First with a dropkick right to the face! First scampers to his feet and now First and Impulse trading shots, right hands for First, knife edges for Impulse…Impulse backs First into the ropes…First sent to the other side, ducks a clothesline…Comes back…DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! BOTH MEN DOWN!

DM: Both men down and now it’s a race to see who’ll get the tag.

DT: First is closer to his corner…He tags in Burns…Impulse makes the tag to Shane…Who gets BLASTED off the apron by Burns!

DM: I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before, a man made the tag and before he could even get into the ring he got hit!

DT: Burns sends Shane crashing to the floor…Burns out after him and Burns SLAMS Shane’s face into the apron! Shane staggering and now Burns grabs him and WHIPS HIM INTO THE RING POST!

DM: Eddie Burns determined not to let Shane get the upper hand this time has really taken the fight to him.

MN: Yeah he cheap shotted him before he even got into the ring and hasn’t let up…Good on you Eddie, screw the rules!

DT: I don’t know that attacking the legal man is illegal Neely, but that all doesn’t matter as Burns now throws Shane into the ring…Burns lifts Shane up…BACKBREAKER…Eddie hops up and gets to his feet…Burns off the ropes…DRIVES a knee into the head of Shane. Burns now stomping away on Shane who’s trying to roll towards his corner…Burns pulls him back towards Burns’ corner and tags in The First…First with a SLING SHOT LEG DROP TO THE NECK OF SHANE…FIRST WITH A COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Shane kicks out! First now backs Shane into a corner…Shane sent to the other side…First now readies himself…HANDSPRING BACK ELBOW! Shane staggers out of the corner, First to the second rope…Shane turns…INTO A SHOULDER BLOCK! FIRST WITH ANOTHER COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: First shoots Pat Jones a quick look before pulling Shane over to his corner and making the tag to Eddie Burns. Burns and First now stomping away on Shane as Pat Jones gives First the five count to leave the ring.

DM: First was one half of one of the most dominating tag teams in EPW history, you know he knows all the ins and outs of tag wrestling and will take advantage of chances to double team whenever possible.

MN: You hypocrites and your flexible morality, if Stalker did something like this you would want him brought up on War Crimes charges.

DT: Burns now grabs Shane and sends him to the ropes…Burns off the opposite ropes…FLYING FOREARM…HE NEARLY TOOK SHANE’S HEAD OFF!! THE COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Burns bangs the mat in anger and now goes back to his corner…Tags in The First…They grab Shane to his feet, Shane off the ropes…FLAPJACK! Shane driven into the mat…Eddie being ushered out of the ring by Pat Jones as First goes for a cover...Jones now finally back in positon…

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: First shakes his head, he thinks he woulda had that there if Burns had gotten out of the ring quicker. First grabs Shane and sends him to the ropes…SHANE WITH A FLYING KNEE ON THE WAY BACK! Both men down…Shane in dire need of a tag here!

DM: This could be the match, Shane has taken a brutal beating and he needs to make the tag before First does…

DT: Shane crawling…He’s ever so close…First dives and tags in Burns…SHANE MAKES THE TAG TO IMPULSE!!

MN: Oh Burns is dead meat now! D-E-D dead!

DT: Impulse all over Burns with chops and elbow strikes…Impulse with an arm wringer…TURNS IT INTO A SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE! IMPULSE WITH A COVER

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!

DT: Impulse quickly gets Burns back up…DRAGON SLEEPER! Impulse has just about every hold in the book and now he’s got Eddie locked in this one…Eddie fighting to his feet…IMPULSE TURNS IT INTO AN INVERTED DDT! BURNS PLANTED!! THE COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Burns fighting for dear life in there as Impulse now grabs a leg, ANKLE LOCK BY THE MARATHON MAN!

MN: Tap out Burns, you’re in way over your head and you know it!

DT: Burns thrashing, IMPULSE DROPS INTO A HEEL HOOK! BURNS THRASHING…LAST SECOND LEAP GETS TO THE ROPES!!

DM: Burns was lucky he was so close to the ropes, that was sunk in DEEP.

MN: He’s also lucky Impulse gets blown around by hard winds, if he had a 250 pounder pulling on his leg he’d never have been able to power to the ropes.

Impulse lets Burns get to his feet and BLASTS him with a chop [Woo!] and now Burns sent CHEST FIRST into the corner…Burns drunk walks out…INTO AN ENZIGURI…BURNS FLAT ON HIS FACE…Impulse setting up shop behind burns, I feel like Eddie’s about to suffer a Sudden Impact.

DM: This crowd and Impulse can sense it, this match may be only moments from being over. [MUSE: “Get out of the ring Eddie! Get out!”]

DT: Burns to his feet…IMPULSE WITH THE SUDDEN IMPACT! NO! BURNS DUCKED…EXPLODER SUPLEX BY BURNS!! Burns hit that move out of nowhere…He rolls over to his corner and tags in The First. What a desperation move by Burns.

DM: A stunning turn of events, just when it all seemed to be over, Burns with a huge move out of nowhere to save himself!

MN: A stopped clock is right twice a day…Wait, why am I defending Impulse so much?! I give up on everyone in this ring and am just rooting for injuries now!

DT: First now picks up Impulse and SLAMS him to the mat…FIRST WITH A STANDING MOONSAULT! CRASHES DOWN ON IMPULSE…THE COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Impulse keeps the main event of Aggression 61 alive…First with a couple kicks to the gut…Now he waits on Impulse to get to his feet…DROPS HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE…First now going to the outside…First up top…Impulse to his feet…FIRST WITH A CROSSBODY OFF THE TOP NO! IMPULSE CAUGHT HIM WITH A DROPKICK!! HE MIGHT HAVE KNOCKED FIRST OUT COLD WITH THAT SHOT!!

DM: Both men are down and First is not moving at all!

MN: Go back to your afterlife so you can be reborn as a tribe man in a rain forest or something, you idiot!

DT: Impulse crawling over, he throws an arm over First’s chest.

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: OHH That was close! Impulse almost had it…Impulse dives on First for a lateral press…Two and NO! Impulse now drags First to his feet and the tag to Shane…First sent to the ropes…DOUBLE DROPKICK! Shane and Impulse nailing The First with that shot, Impulse out of the ring as Shane makes the cover…

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: The First kicks out…Shane grabs him and sends First to the ropes…TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! He got ALL of that, First writhing on the mat in agony as Shane now measuring him and DRIVES an elbow into the chest, AND ANOTHER ONE…Shane pops to his feet and makes a “That’s it” [SHANE: “This is OVER!”] motion with his arms…First stumbles to his feet…SWEET CHIN MUSIC!! FIRST BLASTED BY THAT SUPERKICK AND HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR!!

MN: I swear this idiot is the luckiest man alive, he must have taken like 55 X-Factors and half the time he fell to the floor, someone needs to remove that horseshoe that’s stuck up his ass.

DT: Impulse races over and grabs The First and throws him back into the ring…Shane now sprints to the ropes [Crowd gasps, then starts booing] WAIT!! BURNS JUST LOW BRIDGED SHANE!! SHANE SPILLS TO THE FLOOR AND CRASHES HARD ON THE GROUND!!

DM: And Pat Jones was giving Impulse a word or two over his grabbing of First and throwing him in the ring, so he didn’t see it!

MN: I hope Shane is badly injured, good on you Eddie!

DT: Burns acting like nothing happened. [MUSE: “What the hell is wrong with you?!” BURNS: “I slipped, these things happen!”] First is on dream street and has no idea what’s going on as he tags in Burns.

MN: Oh don’t cover for the freak he fooled all you rubes before Stalker finally blew the whistle on him, I bet this is just another part of his plan, Good Cop Bad Cop with hanging Eddie out to dry!

DT: Burns now to the outside and he throws Shane back into the ring…Burns now putting the boots to Shane and sends Shane to the ropes…Shane comes back…Burns locks him into an ABDOMINAL STRETCH! Burns now HAMMERING into the ribs with forearms as Shane is trapped in the middle of the ring.

DM: Burns might be new to EPW, but he’s clearly got some old school moves in his arsenal.

DT: Shane stuck in that hold as Burns continues to beat on him…Shane fighting for a hip toss…Burns blocks it and TOSSES Shane to the mat with a hip toss of his own! Shane pulled back to his feet…BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX BY BURNS! Burns now to the outside, he’s going to take a chance going up top…OFF THE TOP BURNS WITH AN ELBOW RIGHT INTO THE CHEST OF SHANE!! BURNS COVERS!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!!

DT: STEVEN SHANE WILL NOT QUIT! He is fighting with every fiber of his being here tonight!

DM: First had questioned the heart of Steven Shane going into this match, well I think those questions are being answered!

DT: Burns now to his feet, he gives the cut throat gesture and now he pulls Shane to his feet…Burns going for a Killswitch…Shane fighting to avoid it…He spins into Eddie and turns it into a BACKSLIDE! BURNS SHOULDERS DOWN!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Burns scrambles back to his feet and Shane POPS HIM with a right hand! Shane with a flurry…Eddie now firing back…BOTH MEN LAND A BIG RIGHT and they fall to the mat…Shane crawling for a tag and Eddie now chasing him…CAN’T STOP IT!! IMPULSE WITH THE TAG! Impulse with a kick to the gut that doubles over Burns…Impulse off the ropes…RUNNING KNEE LIFT! Burns crashes to the mat and Impulse follows up with a HIGH ELEVATION LEGDROP AND A COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DM: Burns with a rookie mistake not going for the tag himself, and now with the failure to prevent the tag to Impulse he’s put himself and his team in a bad position.

DT: Impulse now gets Burns to his feet…Burns whipped to the ropes…First makes a blind tag…Impulse with a pinpoint dropkick to Burns…GETS CAUGHT FROM BEHIND BY A SOULBREAKER FROM THE FIRST!! THAT COULD DO IT!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: OH WHAT A KICKOUT!!Impulse got totally blindsided and got just DRILLED with that move by The First but he still found the ability to kick out…First on his knees, hands on his hips looking totally bewildered by the fact Impulse got out of that pin.

DM: Impulse has said he’s a fighting champion, and while his title might not be on the line, he’s sure as hell fighting tooth and nail tonight to win this match.

DT: First pulls Impulse up and now he SLAMS him to the mat…First going to the outside…First clearly ready to go for the Cut The Thread…First up top…CUT THE THREAD!! IMPULSE MOVED!! FIRST LANDED ON HIS FEET!!

DM: Somehow First must have saw Impulse move and he changed it up in mid air!

DT: Impulse back up and a DROPKICK to The First…First sent flying into his corner…Eddie Burns tags himself in and charges Impulse…IMPULSE DUCKS…OH NO! BURNS JUST KNOCKED OUT PAT JONES WITH A CLOTHESLINE!

MN: Oh ain’t that just a shame.

DT: Burns now catches Shane with a right hand when he wasn’t expected it! Impulse and Burns trading shots in the ring…Shane now in the ring, First goes in after him, now this match has completely gone off the rails, all four men brawling in the ring…Burns sent to the floor now…Rosie and Muse both tending to Pat Jones, trying to get the man to his feet…Impulse and Shane with a double clothesline to First…Impulse now telling Shane to get Burns…Impulse drops down…CROSS FACE ON FIRST!! HE’S GOT IT LOCKED IN!!

MN: Tap you loser! Prove to the world you’re the quitter I say you are!!

DM: It wouldn’t matter Neely, First isn’t the legal man!

MN: Well the ref’s also out cold you idiot, this is personal gratification, I don’t care if they win!

DT: Shane on the outside pulls Burns up…BURNS JUST KNOCKED HIM COLD!! WHAT THE HELL WAS IN BURNS HAND?! Shane just dropped like he was shot!!

DM: Burns throwing something under the ring, and now he’s got the ring bell!

DT: Impulse ripping away at The First with that cross face…BURNS SMASHES IMPULSE WITH THE RING BELL!! IMPULSE IS OUT!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EDDIE BURNS?!

MN: That he wants to be a winner, welcome to the winning team Eddie!

DT: Burns throws the bell to the outside…Impulse is bleeding like a stuck pig…Eddie covering Impulse…Pat Jones slowly stirring…I don’t think either of the girls saw what happened…Jones crawling…

ONE!!

DT: Oh this is a crime…

TWO!!

DT: Burns going to steal this!!

NO!!

DT: FIRST PULLED BURNS OFF IMPULSE!!! Burns kicking away at First…First pulling himself up to his feet [FIRST: “What are you doing?!” BURNS: “Winning the match! What are you doing?! You’re screwing up my moment! My debut in EPW, I was gonna pin that prick…Now I’m going to pin him!”] Burns dives back on top of Impulse…FIRST PULLS HIM OFF! Burns shoves First…FIRST SHOVES BURNS!! These two are nose to nose…Impulse is now starting to stir…Eddie shoves First again…FIRST SLAPS EDDIE! [FIRST: “Get your head in the game!”] IMPULSE EXPLODES OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A FOREARM TO FIRST’S HEAD! First decked…Eddie charges Impulse…Impulse ducks…SUDDEN IMPACT!! IMPULSE FALLS TO THE MAT!! Everyone’s down.

DM: First and Eddie Burns problems exploding at the worst possible time, this match was won by Burns but First not supporting the beyond questionable tactics of Eddie to secure what would have been a very unethical pin.

MN: To hell with ethics, since when did everyone in this company care so damn much about the rules? Burns made the right call and his idiot partner screwed him, plain and simple.

DT: Impulse pulling himself up, Burns still down…WAIT! Shane just climbed up on the apron and tagged himself in! Shane sets, waiting for Burns to get to his feet…SWEET CHIN MUSIC!! BURNS NAILED BY IT!! THE COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

[Bell rings, MUSIC UP: “Power” by Kanye West, crowd pops!]

TF: Here are your winners…IMPULSE!!! And SENSATIONAL!! STEVEN!! SHANE!!

DT: What a fight, what a battle, this has been one hell of a contest and in the end, Steven Shane finds a way to get the win for his team.

MN: More like STOLE the win for his team, Impulse got the shot that had Burns out of it, Shane tags himself in and STEALS the pin! What a glory hog he is!

DT: Impulse slowly getting to his feet and now looking at Shane, who’s got his arms raised in victory…This is a kind of tense situation…[Crowd screaming!] WHAT!! NO!! IT’S STALKER WITH A CHAIR!!! STALKER HITS THE RING AND JUST CRUSHED IMPULSE FROM BEHIND WITH A CHAIR!!! AND NOW A SHOT TO THE HEAD OF STEVEN SHANE!!

MN: Now we get to the good stuff, kill ‘em all Stalker!!

DT: Stalker now sets that chair up...EVENFLOW DDT ON THE CHAIR ON SHANE!! Shane motionless in the ring…Now Stalker goes to grab Impulse…Rosie charges into the ring! Rosie hanging off Stalker’s back…STALKER FLIPS HER AND ROSIE LANDS ON THE CHAIR! Rosie rolling on the mat in agony…Stalker grabs Impulse…EVENFLOW DDT ON THE CHAIR! Stalker now out to the floor where Eddie Burns is trying to get his wits about him…STALKER THROWS EDDIE INTO THE STEPS!! Eddie crashing off the steps and flopping on the ground…And now Stalker grabs The First and SPIKES his head off the ring post…First now thrown into the ring…Stalker grabs him…EVEN FLOW DDT!!! [Crowd boo’ing loudly, some small amount of trash being thrown at Stalker]

DM: There is a lot of history between Stalker and First, you know Stalker felt extra good planting The First there…

[Stalker stands over First. STALKER: “This is MY WORLD…You’re not allowed back in First…You failed me, people who fail me…DON’T GET SECOND CHANCES!!”]

DT: Stalker now setting up First over that chair…He’s gonna DDT him on the chair as he did Impulse and Shane…Wait…What’s he doing, he just threw First to the mat…

[STALKER: “No, it’s not going to be that easy for you…You’re leaving EPW again, this time, if you have any sense at all, IT WILL BE FOR GOOD!”]

DT: Stalker now wrapping that steel chair around First’s leg! Oh no…OH NO…Stalker going to the outside…He’s going up top, he’s going to break First’s leg!

DM: Somebody needs to stop this!

MN: Nobody can stop it, everyone’s laid out…Well except Muse, and she’s useless!

DT: THIS CAN’T HAPPEN DAMMIT!! WAIT!! SECURITY CHARGING THE RING!! Six security guards have just rushed the ring and are between Stalker and First…Stalker hops off the top rope and now he’s laying waste to the security…

MN: They were not very secure at all.

DM: Well at the very least they got that chair off First’s leg…

DT: First stumbling on his hands and knees…Now Stalker looks at him and looks at all the bodies in the ring…I think he’s going to PUNT FIRST IN THE SKULL…

MN: YES! FINISH HIM!!

DT: IT’S DAN RYAN!! [Crowd pops!] DAN RYAN CHARGING TO THE RING WITH A CHAIR OF HIS OWN! STALKER SEES HIM AND BAILS TO THE FLOOR!! DAN RYAN STANDING TALL IN THE RING…[RYAN: “Gimme a damn mic!”] RYAN DEMANDING A MIC!

[Ryan is handed a mic by Tony Fatora.]

RYAN: Stalker…You want to ruin the main event on MY SHOW?! You want to try to ruin MY COMPANY?! Guess what?! It's your lucky day, REEVES. You want your title shot?? That's what this is all about?? I've got a new opponent for you at Russian Roullette, and if you win this one, the title shot is yours... free and clear... no interference allowed...... but if you lose.... I fire you ON THE SPOT.

STALKER: (from the floor) "Who? Who's your pupper this time, RYAN?!"

RYAN: "You wanna know who it's gonna be. Take a real good look, BECAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM!

(POP)

DT: HOLY....

RYAN: At Russian Roulette I’m going to beat you half dead and then I’m going to Humility Bomb you so hard you will NEVER WALK AGAIN!”

DT: Dan Ryan calling his shot! Stalker and Dan Ryan will meet at Russian Roulette and I can’t imagine that both men will be able to walk out to that ring when it’s over!

DM: I doubt that very much myself Dave, these two are not going to have a match, they are going to fight until one of them has to be wheeled out of the ring.

MN: Or outlined in chalk!

DT: What a fight, a hard fought win for Steven Shane and Impulse, marred by Stalker’s antics…I can only hope that he gets what is coming to him come Russian Roulette. What a chaotic night…What a hell of a match, and I cannot believe the actions of Stalker to ruin things after the match ended…

[The camera cuts between the downed wrestlers and security with Dan Ryan standing in the ring glaring daggers at Stalker, and Stalker standing outside the ring, smiling wickedly at Ryan, seemingly thrilled with the news that the two will fight.]

[FADE to COPYRIGHT.]