[FADE IN to Animezing Dragon standing in front of a “Kings of the Cage” backdrop, the World Tag Team Title belts over their shoulders. “The Dragon” is dressed casually, whereas Otaku’s decided to go with a costume inspired by Birdy the Mighty]
Karl: Kings of the Cage, huh? I didn’t do so well in the King of the Cage tournament, I guess I get the chance to do considerably better this time…
[He takes a look at Otaku and shakes his head]
Karl: Sorry, I can’t take you seriously dressed like that!
Otaku: It’s to show how mighty we are!
Karl: I know we’re good and we’re on a roll, but mighty?
Otaku: Yeah! Dreamstealers were so under our level at Black Dawn they walked out and proved you totally right! I’d say that means we’re mighty!
Karl: I won’t try to argue with that logic. But could you at least wear something else?
[With a sigh, Otaku is bathed in a blue-white light… and as if by magic is transformed from Birdy to Tsutomu Senkawa, high school student!]
Otaku: Better?
Karl: Better.
Otaku: So, yeah, anyways, Dreamstealers. What duds!
Karl: You say that, but it could all be a cunning plan to fool us into thinking they’re over-hyped, over-bloated wannabes before they unveil themselves as unstoppable machines. After all, if someone walks through a company too easily, it gets boring for the fans.
Otaku: You don’t honestly think Myl-dew-baka’s that smart do you?
Karl: I try not to think. Bad habit.
Otaku: … when you say things like that with a totally straight face I can never tell if you’re joking or not!
[“The Dragon” simply smiles and shrugs]
Karl: Back on track, Kings of the Cage.
Otaku: Yeah! Another Lethal Lottery type thing with added regular teams! And pirates!
Karl: And pirates.
Otaku: This is gonna be fun! Future tag team champions might be hidden somewhere in the lethal lottery teams!
Karl: Could be. After all, Animezing Dragon started as a team put together by Dan for a one night tournament. The great thing about a Lethal Lottery format or Dan just putting a couple of people together is you never know what the chemistry’s going to be like. Sometimes it’s a disaster, they don’t gel, they don’t mesh. But sometimes, it works. Whether the personalities work together doesn’t matter. The skills, the desire, the will to win puts them in a good enough sync that they don’t need to be friends. They just need to be able to put their own egos aside for the greater good of the team, and strive for one thing.
Sure, there have been teams here like Blitz who teamed for years and were, or are, very firm friends. But do you think the Cameron Cruise Project were great friends before they teamed? They geled, and became one of the best teams in wrestling history, and certainly one of the top three I’d say in Empire Pro history.
Otaku: Who’re the others?
Karl: Depends on my mood.
Otaku: OK.
Karl: And every match that these belts are involved in… is a match for the titles. That’s the way things should be. If a champion is involved in a match, their title should
always be on the line if you ask me. But I don’t make those kinds of decisions.
Every match we’re in, though, is treated the same way. Whether it’s the first round against the Heat Seekers or the final against who knows, Animezing Dragon have one aim.
Otaku: TO BE THE VERY BEST!
I feel dirty…
Karl: I’ve told you, don’t pander to the shows that people know, you’re not a fan of all of those.
Otaku: But the early ones were fun! And how else can I spread the word of anime!?
Karl: Moving on. The Heat Seekers are a new team. They’ve got a team name, which is a step up from what you might expect, so it shows they’re at least going through the motions of a common goal.
Otaku: I imagine they wanna make sure they get the belts!
Karl: The joy of holding a title is that you always have a target on your back. At this stage in the Kings of the Cage, we’re clearly the biggest scalp. If you can pin one of us or make one of us submit, you not only advance in the tournament, you walk away with the tag team titles.
Otaku: And then the target’s on your back!
Karl: True. But the prize is enough for a lot of people. Heat Seekers, do they want to just advance in this tournament, or win the titles?
I’d say they want both. And that greed… if they’re not one hundred per cent ready, it’ll be their downfall.
Last tournament, in the King of the Cage, I was the TV champion. Anarky wanted to win the tournament more than the title, so when he saw the opportunity to leave the cage, he took it. Better to take that sure fire opportunity than risk everything by coming back to try and win the gold.
Otaku: The bird in the hand is worth two in the bush! Whatever that means.
Karl: Do you honestly not know or are you hoping to get me rambling about what it means?
Otaku: B.
[“The Dragon” sighs]
Karl: There was a hawk. One day, flying around, it spotted some prey – a small blue bird flying some distance ahead. As these things do, the hawk caught the prey. The blue bird begged for its life, saying it knew where there were many birds, enough to feed the hawk for weeks, and he’d tell the hawk if only he’d let the blue bird go.
The hawk, holding the blue bird between its sharp talons, said to the blue bird, “Why would I give up the certainty of the meal I have in my talon now for the uncertain chance of a greater meal that might never come?”
A good way to live, perhaps. In this match it’s something the Heat Seekers will need to think about. Do they want to win the Kings of the Cage, or do they want the titles? Winning the titles will move them closer to the Kings of the Cage crown, but if they have a sure escape and don’t take it, if either one doesn’t take it and gets left alone in the ring trying to win the titles…
I’m not a hawk, but Dragons do just as well devouring prey.
Otaku: Oooh!
Karl: Seriously though, I’m going to enjoy this tournament. Something about the steel cage, the drive for survival, the pressure of representing the best of Empire Pro Wrestling’s tag team division
Otaku: [interrupting] The chance to wrestle pirates!
Karl: If we win and they win, yes. If you focus on pirates you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
Otaku: How are we going to lose to people who don’t even know any decent ANIME! ?
Karl: By them leaving the cage or pinning us before we get the chance. Next question.
Otaku: You know what I mean!
Karl: We’ll see. Better hit the gym, though. We’ve been around long enough to know that just because people look like morons, doesn’t mean they aren’t going to be a challenge. Stalker and Steven Shane spring to mind.
Oh… one more thing. Cammy, congrats. First time for everything, isn’t there?
[FADE…]
Voice: Next time on Animezing Dragon…
Otaku: Hey Otakuites! Next time on Animezing Dragon, Otaku and Dragon-domo are headed into even greater danger! The goons sent in their way look like buffoons, but don’t let that fool you, they’re cagey and one wrong move could see our heroes in ohmega danger!
Look out, Dragon-domo!
Next time, episode four, season five – Animezing Dragon, be even animezinger!!
See you soon!
[END]