The following promo was cut in Spanish, but it has been translated to English for the benefit of those who aren't fluent.
The scene is one of those green-screen soundstages, only with the word S.C.A.R.F. graphically represented in the background layered over top an outline of Latin America. In front are the men of the hour, Umpiro and Big Dave Barista, dressed in their ring attire and oiled up like they were wrestling next.
Umpiro: Hello! My name is Umpiro! You may have remembered me from the ULTRATITLE Tournament where I wrestled against Troy Douglas!
BDB: And I am Big Dave Barista. I am new to you, but I assure you this is not my first shift at the cafe, I can assure you.
Umpiro: Together, we are...
Umpiro and BDB: The South and Central American Renegades of Fire!
Umpiro: It is true, I have teamed up with a tag team partner to embark on a fantastic journey towards gold, and inside a steel cage, no less. Usually, on the baseball diamond, the cage, she signifies practice, yet here in the wrestling ring, it is pretty much regular season action, no, the playoffs.
BDB: Yes, we ARE talking playoffs here.
Umpiro: With a tournament of this size and magnitude, it, much like the baseball season, is a marathon, not a sprint. It can be hard to imagine getting through without a stint on the disabled list without using some of Melky Cabrera's special topical cream if you know what I mean, but when a prize as prestigious as the EPW World Tag Team Championships, then you must go into the wall every time. There is no giving yourself up at the plate without charging in. There is no room for the human error. There must be no errors on the scoresheet. We all must stay alert.
BDB: Ah, yes, and I have no problems staying alert. For you see, I am the world's most caffeinated wrestler. When I filled out my physical form, I was tempted to write my blood type as Arabica!
He takes a sip from his comedically oversized mug, which has appeared out of nowhere.
BDB: No, seriously though, my blood type is O-positive. If my blood type were coffee, I would surely be dead, much like my partner here.
Umpiro: No, not dead, but undead, friend!
BDB: Oh you, always a stickler for the rules.
Another sip from his mug, which has grown three sizes.
BDB: We plan on bringing our high energy style to the Americano ring now. We will be on the espresso lane to success faster than you can say "Triple half-caf mocha latte with hazelnut skim creamer". And with a man of the rules on the apron and a coffee aficionado in the ring, you know we are only fueled by a winning work ethic and all the coffee we can drink.
Umpiro: That's not what our competitors are all about. In fact, they are taking a strange, strange drug. Why would they need the penile enhancement to compete in the ring? I am used to seeing the lumber being brought, but this is a bit on the ridiculous side. I may not be able to resist punching them out for inappropriate gesticulation if you know what I mean.
BDB: Ah no, it is but an acronym! It stands for something, but I assure you that they will not be wrestling with what the kids call, the stiffy.
He is now inexplicably underneath a shelf drinking directly out of a restaurant sized coffee urn.
Umpiro: Well then, don't I have the dirt on my shoes then! Either way, Tony Davis and Jack Harmen have a reputation for being unhinged. That is alright, because I've dealt with my share of the insane over the years. I've had batters coming at me with the baseball bat. I've had managers pull guns on me. I've even had fans storm the field because I called their player out at the plate. It was Mexico, mind you.
Barista is now inexplicably in a kiddie pool filled with coffee.
BDB: Yes, Mexico is definitely a shady place, though not as shady as Colombia. My homeland, she is not the picture of stability, which has also prepared me. I know how to tie a Colombian necktie, sadly, and it has done me good in situations I'm not proud of. Let's just say I've had to deal with some interlopers with more than a coffee bean to grind, let me tell you.
Umpiro: That does sound brutal. You see, we are hard.
Barista is now doing a backstroke in an Olympic sized pool filled with coffee.
Umpiro: We are tough, and we are a team ready to conquer the cage and bring gold home south of the border!
BDB: from the pool AND THAT'S A VENTI!
Cut to the next promo screen.