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Aggression 75: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - 1/6/2014


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
[MUSIC UP: “Quiet” by Smashing Pumpkins.]

[CUTTO: Impulse standing with the Aggression graphic rolling behind him.]

[CUTTO: Malcolm Joseph-Jones snarling at his opponent.]

[CUTTO: Point of View walking towards the ring.]

[CUTTO: Cameron Cruise yelling in triumph as he tosses The First into the water outside Pac Bell Park.]

[CUTTO: Adrian Willard clotheslining an unnamed opponent nearly out of his shoes.]

[CUTTO: Rezin smiling with a maniacal gleam in his eyes. ]

[CUTTO: Aaron Jones staring at the camera.]

[CUTTO: Jared Wells and Cameron Cruise looking down at the camera.]

[CUTTO: A graphic showing an old style map with the words “The Empire” across a giant swath of land.]

[CUTTO: Eli Flair flashing a devilish grin.]

[CUTTO: Muse smiling cheerfully.]

[CUTTO: Anarky glaring at the camera.]

[CUTTO: Lesbian Siegel and Caitlyn Daymon talking.]

[CUTTO: Christian Light standing on the second rope, arms raised.]

[CUTTO: Animezing Dragons holding up the tag team titles.]

[CUTTO: Castor Strife standing in the entrance, smirking.]

[CUTTO: The First, holding the EPW World Title and staring into the camera.]

[CUTTO: The map, this time a tracking line heads from Indianapolis, Indiana toward a dot marked Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. When the line hits the dot, AGGRESSION 75 bursts onto the screen in red letters.]

[MUSIC UP: “Happy Birthday” by The Birthday Massacre. The crowd boos loudly as The First and Muse walk towards the ring.]

DT: Welcome everybody to Aggression 75!! We are on the road to Wrestleverse, and tonight, we take one more step toward finding out who the fourth man will be in the huge World Championship main event.

DM: It seems like the EPW World Champion wants to say something before tonight’s action gets started.

MN: Of course he does, all he does is talk. This guy is a joke!

DM: Why do you hate The First so much? Just about every other person who breaks the rules and flouts authority gets your stamp of approval, yet the one guy we all seem to agree on is him.

MN: I didn’t like him when he pandered to the fans, I don’t like him now, I’m never going to like him, if he pulled me out of a burning car I might tolerate him, but that’s about it.

[The First walks around the ring with mic in hand before finally starting to talk.]

FIRST: It’s the holiday season and what do all you people have to be thankful for? Nothing. You have nothing in your lives, you have no future to look forward to…You’ll all had to work on Black Friday or Christmas Eve or if you were lucky enough to have the day off you were trampling the other idiots to get a few bucks off some crap you don’t really need and you can’t afford anyhow…[Boos] This is your sad lives.

Just like the men in the battle royal tonight, a bunch of has-beens and never-will-bes…Men struggling, fighting tooth and nail to even get in the same ring as me…In the same ring as greatness…[Smiles] The sad thing is that really, the winner of the battle royal doesn’t matter…Impulse doesn’t matter either…We all know the only man who even has a snowball’s chance in hell of beating me is Castor Strife.

[Crowd buzzes at the mention of Castor’s name.]

FIRST: Castor knows well of fighting has-beens and never-will-bes…He did all that and won the Ultratitle, he was the Wrestler of the Year if you listen to the internet…The best there was and is in this business according to everyone…But we all know those people were wrong…The truth always comes out in the end…

Castor Strife knew the truth, and that’s why he’s here…Because until he beats me…He’s proven nothing…He’s achieved nothing…Castor Strife knows that I’m the one man standing between him and Immortality…And I’m sorry to tell you Castor…I will deny you that glory…I will cost you that greatness…You will not beat me at Wrestleverse…Nor will you EVER defeat me…

[First smiles. He opens his mouth to speak again, but is CUT OFF by "Young Lust" by Pink Floyd! The fans erupt, and CASTOR STRIFE walks out of the entrance wearing his white shirt, black tie, slacks, rolled up sleeves, but no jacket. Next to him is a half-Japanese female wrestler with dyed red hair, and one side of her head shaved to reveal a tattoo of the heads of the Cenobytes from Hellraiser. She is wearing a mask of filed teeth around her mouth, and a neck choker. Castor brushes his hair back and raises the microphone to his mouth]

CASTOR: [pauses to let chanting of his name die down] Do you know why the people love me, First?

FIRST: I don't care! These people are dead inside! [boos]

CASTOR: It's because I DELIVER THE GOODS. Unlike you and a host of others, I don't deal in "what if" hypotheticals. I'm not about the past OR the future. I live in the present. So when I hear the people clamoring for a spectacle, I make sure it happens. [motions to the crowd] That's why I'm the boss around here! [smiles]

DT: Indeed he is, right up until Wrestleverse.

CASTOR: People have been talking about us going head to head for a long time. It's a shame you opted to stay home and watch the Ultratitle Tournament on television, otherwise I could have made you look like a fourth-rate talent like I did to everyone else. [cheers!]

DM: That's got to sting!

FIRST: If you actually think I would duck you, Strife, then you really are a dumb as [bleep] rocks.

CASTOR: Oh, just the opposite! You're a brave man, First. That's why you're out here saying my name. Now the people...they're guaranteed to see us battle it out at Wrestleverse, along with Impulse and a very lucky recipient of that fourth spot. But personally? I'm getting a little impatient! [cheers!] And since I've been empowered to make the decisions around here, I am taking it upon myself to use the MAGIC LINEUP PEN [draws in the air] and book CASTOR STRIFE and Tokyo's own HARUKA WARHEAD...versus THE FIRST and that bukkake mop MUSE in a mixed tag match at AGGRESSION 76! [HUGE CHEERS!]

DT: Wow! And just like that we've got a HUGE main event for our next Aggression!

FIRST: Are you kidding me? DONE! I'm gonna teach you the hard way why you don't just waltz into someone else's backyard and pick a fight!

[CUEUP: "Revolution Baby" by Queen V as the fans rise to their feet. Slowly, Impulse walks out to the top of the entryway with Calico Rose half a step behind him and a microphone in his hand. He waits a few seconds, soaking in their reaction, until the music fades out and the fans quiet enough for him to be heard.]

IMPULSE: Let me see if I get this straight, The First. The only person who has a snowball's chance in hell of beating you is Castor Strife? You've just prompted another angry LiveJournal post from Anarky, and the inevitable reminder from Cameron Cruise that he's the only Grand Slam winner in the Empire's history.

[CUTTO: The ring, where The First has the microphone away from his mouth but he's clearly reminding Impulse that the losses don't matter because he's got the belt.]

IMPULSE: Yeah, you're right, The First. You get the last laugh because the World Championship is around your waist. And you're clearly the superior wrestler between us, because I had my shot and came up short. Because, of course, you won the title on your first try.

[HUGE roar from the crowd, a small but clearly audible chant of 'TRI-PLE-X' started somewhere near ringside. In the ring, Castor Strife looks amused at the comment.]

IMPULSE: So yeah, I came up short - but I'm not worried. After all, I've got a good track record of winning World Titles on my second try. Castor, you were there.

[And just like that, Castor's amusement ended with the fans once again roaring approval.]

IMPULSE: So while you two are throwing your weight around like you're the only ones that matter, Calico Rose and I have a brilliant idea: let's add another team to the mix.

DT: WHOA! Impulse adding another layer to the mixed tag match that Castor Strife just okayed!

IMPULSE: After all, I don't matter, so why should you worry? But if I was you?

[He smirked.]

IMPULSE: I would.

[Rose took a bow, then followed Impulse out of the arena.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Crimson Calling v. Team VIAGRA

DT: Well ladies and gentlemen, with our seventy-fifth installment of EPW Aggression, we’re sure to expect a lot of appearances from Empire Pro stars of the present AND the past! Right now, we’re about to give you a bit of the latter

MN: Please don’t let it be Ice Tre… PLEASE don’t let it be Ice Tre!

DT: Real quick, let’s go backstage with our man Kenny Lombardo, standing by with one of the federation’s first tag teams… the CRIMSON CALLING!

[The shot fade cuts backstage, where KENNY LOMBARDO is standing with a mic, flanked by two men not seen on EPW television by at least a couple years. To his left, dressed in a well-tailored black suit with a complimentary scarlet dress shirt, stands MR. NATHAN FEAR, looking a bit more gray in his age, but ever so much smug and arrogant as remembered. At the reporter’s right shoulder towers “THE RUSSIAN HAMMER” IVAN DALKICHEV, who still casts a long shadow, even as he appears to have trimmed a few pounds in the two years he’s been out of the ring.]

LOMBARDO: Here you have it, fans...Empire Pro’s first honorary tag team champions! Well, the bulk of the team, in any case. Ivan, Nathan… it’s great to see you guys back in the Empire Pro locker room! Completely overwhelmed with nostalgia right now!

FEAR: Mr. Fear.

LOMBARDO: ...uh, I’m sorry?

FEAR: Let’s not get all chummy, shall we, Kenny? Cut the informalities and address me from here on out as only “Mister Fear”, if you’d be so kind.

LOMBARDO: Uh, right, sorry… but anyway, Mister Fear, tonight for Aggression 75, we’re all expecting to see the original Hammer and Sickle reunite for some old-school EPW tag team action. However, I can’t help but notice that one half of your team isn’t here right now.

FEAR: You’re referring Erik?

LOMBARDO: Well, yes… known back in the early days to everyone as “The Sickle” Erik Black, but more popularly known today as the nefarious REZIN.

FEAR: Is that what he calls himself these days? I swear, that blithering idiot has gone through more names than I can count. Anyways, yes, for whatever reason, Mr. Black has decided to make himself scarce for the time being.

LOMBARDO: Can’t say I blame him, given the way he parted ways with the both of you on two separate occasions. Many remember two years ago at Aggression 60, when Erik Black first revealed the dark side of Rezin by taking a steel chair to the knee of “The Raging Russian” standing right here next to me. As for you, Mister Fear, I’m sure you haven’t forgotten the unfortunate circumstances that resulted in your ejection from this company back at Wrestleverse III.

FEAR: You’re damn right I haven’t forgotten that embarrassing incident. As for Ivan… as you can see, two years later, he’s recovered and back on his feet, and thanks to my guidance, he’s put himself into the best shape of his life. All the same, he still remembers the night Erik betrayed him in that ring and tried to ruin his career… rage like that never goes away.

LOMBARDO: It’s a wonder then that the two of you even agreed to this reunion.

FEAR: Pride is a hard pill to swallow, Kenny. But at the end of the day, Ivan and I will always maintain professionalism. Tonight is about giving the Empire Pro faithful something they’ve longed to see for years… the return of the Crimson Calling. I can’t speak for Erik, but honestly, he isn’t any concern for the two of us. With or without him, we intend to go out there tonight and represent the very best of how the fans remember the good old Hammer and Sickle of professional wrestling.

LOMBARDO: Well, that’s reassuring to hear. Still, given the former Sickle’s unpredictable nature as of late, don’t you think there’s a cause of concern? I mean, what’s to stop him from just taking another chair and hitting Ivan in the back of the head again, just for the hell of it?

[Mr. Fear opens his mouth to respond, but stops himself following a low growl rumbling off of the mountain of a man standing on the other side of the reporter. Knowingly, he nods to Kenny, and reporter holds the mic up a ways to the level of the Russian-born powerhouse. His cold blue eyes appear to be filled with vengeful rage, staring off into his space as his thick words come out slow and deliberately.]

DALKICHEV: If he tries anything tonight… I will break him.

[He lets the weight of the words sink in before brushing past the reporter. Mr. Fear proudly strides after him, leaving Kenny alone before the camera.]

LOMBARDO: Well, there you have it! Looks like Mr. Fear and Ivan Dalkichev may have forgiven Rezin for his actions, but they haven’t soon forgotten! Let’s go back to you guys as they make their way to the ring!

[Cut back to the ring area.]

[CUE UP: “Mir budet takim” by Bad Balance.]

[The shot swings back to the stage as the curtain drifts open and the towering IVAN DALKICHEV steps out, closely followed by his longtime manager NATHAN FEAR. Making his first appearance in EPW in a couple years, Ivan pauses briefly at the top of the ramp to pump both fists into the air, getting a decent pop from old-school fans who still remember his work in the company. His fierce blue eyes, however, remain fixated on the ring. He starts his descent down the ramp at a slow pace, with Fear close behind, primping his talent to the fans teeming over the barricade.]

TF: Making his way to the ring, and accompanied by his manager Nathan Fear… please welcome back to Empire Pro, “the Raging Russian”... IVAN DALKICHEV!!

DT: Two years ago in Baltimore, Erik Black took a chair to the knee of his longtime friend and partner, Ivan Dalkichev. A few weeks later I personally confronted him about that incident in the ring, and the world was introduced to REZIN for the very first time. But at last, Ivan Dalkichev has fully recovered from that attack… and I have to say, he looks to be in REMARKABLE shape!

MN: No question about that, Burger Man! Mister Fear must have him on a REALLY grueling training program, or something! It looks like during that whole time he wore a cast on his leg, he just shed off all the excess fat and left nothing but murderous muscle behind!

DM: Never underestimate the thirst for vengeance, Neels!

DT: Ivan Dalkichev has been counting the days until his comeback… and while he and Mister Fear have said they intend to be professionals tonight as they reunite with the black sheep of the Crimson Calling for the first time in years, I don’t know how long this man would be able to hold himself back. Erik Black tried to END his CAREER that night two years ago. Now he has to trust that fiend once again as a tag partner. Something about that just doesn’t roll off your back.

MN: I don’t know… he’s got a REALLY big back!

[Mr. Fear ascends the corner steps as Dalkichev reaches ringside, pulling himself up to the apron by the top rope and stepping over the whole set as he enters the ring. He double pumps his fists again, circling around the ring, and a moment later both men set their sights on the entrance…]

[CUE UP: “Legalise Drugs and Murder” by Electric Wizard.]

[The house lights come down as torrential rivers of black, noxious SLUDGE flow across the EmpireTron. A booming negative reaction from the capacity crowd heralds the entrance of REZIN, striding out onto the stage with a new black duster modified with a grim reaper hood pulled over his head, customized shades resembling a “melt” look, and his trademark bastard’s grin etched on his face. After taking a moment to bask in the sea of negativity surrounding him, he hoists the EPW Television Title into the air, intentionally positioned upside-down in an inverted mockery of the belt’s storied legacy. The fans pelt him with jeers, but the rampant anger and misery among the fans only feeds his pride, as told by the sick smile on his face. He dangles the belt in front of every ringside fans he passes by on his trip down to the ring, ignoring their insults and kindling the fires with his showboating.]

TF: Introducing next, the partner… formerly of the Crimson Calling [formerly the CHRONIC COLLIZION!!], he is your NEW Empire Pro Television Champion! Ladies and gentlemen, hold your BREATH and avert your EYES to the toxic presence of the ESCAPE ARTIST… REZIN!!

DT: I never thought we’d see the day… but the day has arrived, and now I’m seeing it with my own eyes! Empire Pro’s dastardly Escape Artist REZIN now represents the federation’s broadcasting outreach as the EPW Television Champion!

MN: And it’s about time, if I say so myself! After years of scraping away at the bottom, Erik Black has finally risen to a place of prominence among the Empire Pro elite! Any arguments as to whether or not this man is anything less of a professional wrestling LEGEND are right now completely moot!

DT: Not sure I completely agree with that statement… although credit has to be given to Rezin for his hard-fought victory back in his hometown of Indianapolis at Aggression 74. Even though it ended in the cheapest manner possible...

DM: It wasn’t pretty, but through dirty wrestling and sheer desperation, he managed to steal it away from the impressive reigning champ, Malcolm Joseph-Jones, who in turn took that belt from his friend and mentor, Anarky.

DT: Something tells me MJ2 isn’t going to forget about that match anytime soon… but for now, the self-styled “goat bastard” Rezin is enjoying these fifteen minutes of fame by strutting his stuff down the rampway, clearly beyond thinking about any repercussions at this point. But what he SHOULD be worrying about are the two men standing in the ring, who still have some unresolved beef with the former Sickle of the Crimson Calling!


DM: Please, God, don’t start that up again…

DT: Well, in any case, it looks like he’s left his sludge bucket backstage for tonight’s match, but now I see he’s going for the mic, so it seems the new TV champ has some words for the masses. Bear with us, ladies and gentlemen, as we try to get through this together...

[As he hits the ring, the champ immediately takes the mic from Fatora and clears him from the ring following a quick threatening gesture. As the music cuts, he turns to Dalkichev and Fear, standing by themselves in the corner. He holds out his arms in a welcoming gesture and wears a big smile on his face, but they remain defensive and cautious.]

REZIN: Ah, Big ‘Van… Mister Fear… it’s great to see you guys again!

[He turns his attention to the crowd, taking a moment to bask in a few reps of “RE-ZIN-SUCKS!!” from the fans while the besmudged belt rests on his shoulder.]

REZIN: Bet you poor ignorant fools NEVER thought you’d see the three of us standing in the ring together again! But hey, stranger things have happened. Just look at this!

[He pats the belt a couple times, leaving a few black finger smudges on the face as he does so.]

REZIN: To the fans watching at home, PLEASE… do not get up and readjust your television sets! What you are seeing is not a trick!

[He pulls the belt off, holding it close to his face. We’d probably be seeing the gilded reflection of his hair-matted face if the face of the belt didn’t have a layer of grime across it.]

REZIN: This is your prestigious Empire Pro Television Title, resting on the labored and grudging shoulders of this federation’s one true pariah and scapegoat! This is your LEGACY of ten years and seventy-five Aggressions, around the waist of the man you said was too WEAK and LAZY to ever attain greatness!

[The fans jeer, and Rezin chuckles, pacing back and forth while Ivan and Mr. Fear patiently wait in the corner.]

REZIN: But you know, it’s funny… because for the past couple years, I’ve been pretty clear on my views on championships in Empire Pro. For the most part, I’ve said that they’re WORTHLESS… nothing but tokens of proof that you beat a guy who beat a guy. Material objects, for wrestlers who are too STUPID to see where true talent lies. Just like this Empire… material… fake… WORTHLESS!

Crowd: “BOOOOO!!”

REZIN: Two years ago, I stood in this ring and openly declared that I would DESTROY Empire Pro, one belt at a time. Two years later, I finally have my first belt… and don’t get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to just walk out the back door of this shithole and toss this thing into the dumpster on my way out!

Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOO!!!”

REZIN: But to be completely honest, there’s been a bit of a change in my cold, black heart in recent weeks. Maybe it was holding onto championship gold for the first time in years… or maybe it was a case of learning from the mistakes made by my man ‘Nark. Whatever the case, what I know to be true now is that this belt, this Television Title...
[He springs up onto the second turnbuckle on one of the ring posts, holding the belt up to his face and looking over it with crazed euphoria.]

REZIN: THIS is not worthless! THIS... MEANS... SOMETHING!!

[His gaze goes into the crowd for a moment as the “RE-ZIN-SUCKS!!” chants pick up again.]

REZIN: Understand me, my little lambs... I’m not here to represent “greatness”. I’m here to END IT!

Crowd: “BOOOOO!!!”

REZIN: I am the one who snuffs out the light of hope! I putrefy the air of ambition and pride with the bitter stench of the ugly truth! I am eternal… beyond the weak and the strong… beyond the old and the young. I am DEATH FUCKING INCARNATE!

Crowd: “BOOOOOOO!!”

[Grimy gums line a twisted smile spread across his face. He holds the belt up once again for all to see]

REZIN: And every time you ignorant whelps out there see this title from now on, YOU WILL KNOW that it means the END of “greatness”! Just like I ended the rise of that MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES…

[The crowd pops loud at the mention of the former champ, and Rezin sneers.]

REZIN: That googly-eyed nobody… all that talk and all that hype, but I was the ONLY ONE who saw through it! That’s what makes me a BETTER Television Champion! I mean, even the definition of the word “Television” basically translates to “distant sight”... and I’ve got that in abundance.

[He pops a couple fingers up against his temple and seems to pop into a trance-like state as he suddenly stands still and focuses his gaze.]

REZIN: And like a true far seer from ancient times, who could look MILLENIA into the future, into the very end of times, all the way the fall of mankind… I gazed into the distance, and saw everything that lied ahead. I looked beyond all the fake hype, and all the grandeur, and all the so-called “grape-ness”. In the end, none of that phony, idealistic nonsense could hold its own weight in water. You want true substance? Well…

[He takes a moment to twists a finger up his nose, takes a moment to admire the unspeakable thing mined out, and flicks it into some front-row kid’s face.]

REZIN: True substance… is something you have to DIG for. And through years of being BURIED beneath the filth and the lies of your upper crust celebrity superstar wrestlers, it was substance that won out in the end. An ugly substance, to be sure… but the truth isn’t a pretty picture, you imbeciles. Just like the truth you’re facing now, staring at me with this belt. Some of you probably think this is the end of times… and hey, I’d like to think some of you are right. Heheheheh…

[Dry chuckling gives in to a dry fit of hacking and coughing. He spits something into his jacket before continuing.]

REZIN: But armageddon isn’t going to be swift and boring, oh no… this cancer has only begun to take root. Aggression 75 may not be the absolute end for this wretched Empire… but if you don’t see the pillars of this flimsy foundation beginning to quake, then you have nobody to blame but yourself when it all comes toppling down upon you!

[Rezin takes a moment to taunt the crowd by holding his arms out to the sides. They fight back by picking up a spirited “EE-PEE-DUBBYA!” chant.]

DM: Is this match going to happen or WHAT?!

MN: Let the man speak, Dean-O!

[The “E-P-W” chants give way to “M-J-2”... and the TV Champ quickly waves off the crowd’s upstart.]

REZIN: You know what? I’m sick of you mindless livestock bleating for your stupid heroes. Don’t you get it?! Malcolm Joseph-Jones was an over-bloated and underwhelming sack of CRAP, and you all drank his Kool-Aid! I BROKE that poor brainless bastard… and still you cheer for him?!

[He shakes his head with the kind of disgust any rational minded person would give him back.]

REZIN: You idiots really just don’t get it, do you? Well fine… why don’t I just rip your simple little minds apart once again! Why don’t I call that bum on out here and SHOW YOU just how broken, harmless, and insubstantial he really is!

Crowd: *POP!!*


[Ivan and Fear exchange a confused glance. Meanwhile, a snarling Rezin spins around and points toward the stage.]

REZIN: MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES… HEY, KOOL-AID… as your new Television Champion, I up and DEMAND that you get your busted ass out here right now!

[The crowd begins to get ancy as Rezin daringly paces up and down the ropes, eyeing the entry-way.]

DT: Is he being serious right now?

MN: DEADLY serious! He knows MJ2 poses zero threat to him! Besides, he’s got a mastodon like Ivan Dalkichev in his corner!

DT: How does Dalkichev factor into this? He looks like he just wants to get this match started!

[CUE UP: “Best of the Best” by KU.]

[The crowd POPS HARD as MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES, in full ring gear and looking ready to rip somebody in half, boldly storms through the entry-way and doesn’t break pace on his way down the ramp. Coming up behind him at his own pace is his as of yet unnamed MYSTERIOUS ADVISOR. Rezin’s sneering grin melts only slightly, as though a bit surprised to see MJ2 appear as quick as he did.]

DT: The former Television Champion wastes no time coming out as soon as he’s summoned! I’d almost wonder if he was already on his way to the ring before Rezin even called him out!

MN: This guy’s just DESPERATE for attention now that the Escape Artist knocked him out of the spotlight!

DM: I don’t know if THAT’S the reason he’s here right now, Neels. Rezin had to smear his filth into MJ2’s face back in Indianapolis to win that Television Title… and if you think Malcolm Joseph-Jones feels legitimately BEATEN after that, then I think you’re just as delusional as the goat bastard!

[Rezin gives a few obvious winks and reassuring nods to his partner Ivan, but Dalkichev looks completely confused as to what he could be inferring. Meanwhile, MJ2 stops as he reaches the ring and waits for the reassuring nod from his advisor before he slides into the ring. Rezin quickly makes a few neck-cutting motions to kill the music and starts talking before Malcolm can make his move.]

REZIN: Nice entrance, bro… but you forgot to come bursting through a brick wall!

[Rezin chuckles to himself while MJ2 FUMES in anger. The fans are still strong in chanting his name… “EM-JAY-TOO! EM-JAY-TOO!”]

REZIN: Ya know, Malc, ever since you walked through the door here at Empire Pro, you’ve been talking your talk, thinking you could back it all up by walking your walk… and that whole time, I kept on telling you that you were filling your head with idealistic nonsense. “Greatness” doesn’t lie at the end of the road… only DESPAIR and DEFEAT, which is all you have left!

[Rezin steps in closer, within a foot of Malcolm’s snarling face, daringly holding the belt up once again.]

REZIN: You thought after you won this belt, you’d finally arrived? Well, you were WRONG… and I TOLD YOU SO! Just like I predicted with my “DISTANT SIGHT”, you ended up being yet another lost soul trapped in the revolving door of EPW championships… another up-and-comer turned never-was… and it’s all because of ME!

Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!”

REZIN: I didn’t WANT to fuck things up for you, Malc, but you kinda went and forced my hand, because you refused to RESPECT ME! You took one look at me back at the King of the Cage when we first crossed paths, and wrote me off like I was nothing but a stepping stone to your thrice-dambed “grape-ness”... but surprise, surprise, Kool-Aid! You SLIPPED on that stone, and broke your dumbass!

[The crowd jeers loudly again. Rezin daringly takes another step forward, standing chest to chest to MJ2 and looking up into his face, completely fearless.]

REZIN: Now… I’m going to give you a pass, on account of every wrestler having to be young and stupid at some point in their careers. But now that I’m the champ and you ain’t, it’s time for you to man up and recognize the situation…

[Brazenly, he pokes MJ2 in the chest. The former champ doesn’t budge… doesn’t even flinch. In his eyes, a thousand suns are exploding into a nuclear firestorm of white hot rage.]

REZIN: Now I WANT YOU… to tell these fans not what the want to hear, but what the NEED to hear. I want you to tell them that you were WRONG… about ME, about YOU, and about everything. I want you to give me the RESPECT that EYE… FUCKING… DESERVE… for kicking your ass, after getting shit slung in MY face for ten years of constant struggle!

[He drops the shades, giving MJ2 his own murderous game face.]

REZIN: And you WILL do it… or I will kick your bitch ass out of this ring once again.

[Seconds pass as the two stare each other down in a moment of thick tension. Finally, Rezin draws up the shades again backs off, dropping the mic at the feet of Malcolm Joseph-Jones.]

DT: This guy has to have a death wish or something!

MN: It’s all about mental superiority, Dave! Rezin got the upper hand of MJ2, and he knows he could do it again! He’s already in his HEAD, breaking his confidence down bit by bit!

[MJ2 looks down at the mic for a moment before stoically picking it up. He raises it to his face and breaths heavily into it for a few seconds, carefully deciding how to respond…]

MJ2: ......Big words, little man. You sure this is what you want?

[Malcolm continues to breathe menacingly and heavily as the crowd continues chanting "M-J-2! M-J-2!". Rezin sneers with all the bike in the world before hawking and spitting something unnaturally foul-colored straight into MJ2's chest. Malcolm doesn't flinch. At this moment, Ivan and Fear look at each other, the scene before them, and each other once again before stepping through the ropes and away from the ring. MJ2's eyes glance over at Rezin's now-empty corner before a glimmer flicks in his eye.]

DT: Look at that - the cavalry is leaving Rezin high and dry!

DM: I don't know if they ever WERE the cavalry - and it looks like that last act of disrespect may have sealed the deal.

MN: Cowards! Don't they know who Rezin is? Don't they know that MJ2 is powerless?

[MJ2 raises the microphone slowly...]

MJ2: ...

DT: The crowd's EATING THIS UP! What's Malcolm going to say??

[...and blasts Rezin in the head with the mic, to thunderous cheers.]

DT: DOWN GOES REZIN! Malcolm Joseph-Jones is all over him, hammering blows right and left to Rezin's face! Rezin's doing all he can to cover up, but how much can he really block here?

MN: He can't do this! This isn't even his match! Get out of there, Rezin!

DT: Malcolm's got Rezin up on his feet now. Rezin, with a groggy right hand - blocked! He's got him hooked - GREATNESS BUSTER! Greatness Buster on Rezin, and the
Television Champion is down!

[The crowd resumes its "M-J-2! M-J-2!" chant as Malcolm lets out a guttural roar. He looks over to the mysterious advisor who is standing at the top of the ramp, and the advisor gives a short cross-armed nod. MJ2 forces Rezin up off the ground, peeling the barely-on-his-face sunglasses off his face, and throws him into the ropes. Rezin can barely keep his balance as he bounces off, right into a spear from MJ2.]

MN: We need security out here now! This isn't right!

DM: It looks like we were right - Malcolm is sending a message loud and clear tonight that he won't take losing the TV Title lightly, especially considering the circumstances of that loss!

DT: Rezin's taken a mauling out there, there's no question about it. Wait, what's this - Malcolm has him hooked, he has Rezin over his shoulder!



[The crowd loves everything about the last 3 minutes of their lives. The mysterious advisor walks down to the ring with no reaction on his face. He picks up the smeared Television Championship and hands it to his man, along with the microphone. Malcolm plants a boot onto Rezin's chest and lifts the title high in the air and the mic to his face.]

MJ2: Rezin's right. This MEANS something.

[Breathing heavily and hyped up on about a gallon of adrenaline, he looks over to his advisor, who cracks a grin for the first time all night.]

MJ2: This. Means. WAR!

[Malcolm drops the mic as "Best of the Best" blasts through the speakers. He gives one last look at the championship belt before dropping it roughly 6 feet down onto Rezin's stomach. Rezin clutches his body rolls slightly to his side as Malcolm and his advisor make their way out, not responding to the ovation of the crowd.]

DM: Guys, Malcolm Joseph-Jones looks stronger than ever, and he's ALWAYS been a strong one.

DT: Strong words from the former champion, but I guaranTEE Rezin won't take this lying down for long. However, it's pretty clear he's got a six-foot-six mountain to hurdle over!

MN: He's the Escape Artist for a reason. He's not done. Malcolm Joseph-Jones has just made the biggest mistake of his EPW CAREER tonight.

DT: I don't know, Neels - he's been following the lead of that advisor of his lately, and it's hard to argue with the results so far!

MN: That's a good point - who IS that guy?! He's not on EPW payroll! He should be kicked out of the building for cheating along with Grape Drink over there!

[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang.]

[A solid face pop welcomes back TEAM VIAGRA as they step out onto the stage, which almost immediately cuts itself off at the sight of the formerly high-flying JACK HARMEN and his stockier tag partner TONY DAVIS already in the midst of an argument. Their shapely third member MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER does what she can to keep the guys focused and get them down to the ring.]

TF: Introducing the opponents… accompanied to the ring by MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER, and fighting at a combined weight of four-hundred and eight pounds… please welcome JACK HARMEN and TONY DAVIS… TEAM VIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAGGRRAAAAAA!!!

DT: Well I suppose it’s fortunate for the Crimson Calling, given the circumstances, that they’re going head to head against another team on the outs! JACK HARMEN and TONY DAVIS, together known as Team VIAGRA, are also scheduled later tonight in the battle royal main event! That conflict of interest seems have put them at odds with each other!

MN: Well yeah, I’d say it has… considering one of these guys tried to bust the other’s SKULL open back at Aggression 74!

DT: It will be every man for himself once that battle royale commences, as these two enter the ring again later to compete against each other and several others from the Empire Pro locker room for a spot in the main event at Wrestleverse V. For the time being, however, these two are finding it difficult to coexist…

DM: Tony Davis has been growing a bit of an ego as of late, and as for Harmen… well, his motivations are about as random as a Magic Eightball! I’d be surprised if Team VIAGRA could coexist WITHOUT a shot at the EPW World Heavyweight Title coming between them!

[In the ring, Ivan Dalkichev scoops the motionless Rezin off the mat by the neck and the waistband, and not-quite-so-gently drops him through the ropes and onto the apron to recover. As Team VIAGRA reaches the ring, Tony Davis quickly slides in and pumps his arms to the crowd, getting a rather lukewarm reaction and only further annoying his partner. Jark Harmen scales to the apron and hops the ropes, but is quickly halted by Davis.]

DT: Looks like Davis is insisting that HE be the one to start this off!

DM: Well, looks like this is already getting off to a rocky start…


DT: The official cues the bell to begin the match, and now Tony Davis turns around, only to find the massive Ivan Dalkichev coming out of the opposite corner! Quickly, he turns back to Harmen and makes the tag!

MN: I mean, he’s gotta keep himself in reasonable shape for the battle royal! Let’s keep that in mind here!

DT: Sure, but where’s that put Harmen? Jack rolls his eyes, but nevertheless hops back into the ring as Davis goes to the apron! Ivan Dalkichev is EASILY twice his size and bearing down on him like a freight train! Harmen with the go-around, and he has Dalkichev in a waist-lock!

MN: Seriously… where’s he think he’s going with this!

DT: Harmen trying wiggle to the side, but Ivan doesn’t budge an inch! The Russian takes the lunatic by the wrist now… ARM DRAG quickly drops Jack Harmen onto his back, and Dalkichev practically SMOTHERS him into a headlock!

DM: This is exactly where Jack Harmen does NOT want to be against an opponent of this size!

Crowd: “HAR-MEN!! HAR-MEN!! HAR-MEN!!”

DT: The fans are rallying behind the former High Flyer, as Harmen struggles to free himself from under the mass of muscle and flesh that is Ivan Dalkichev! He isn’t having much success! Dalkichev rolling over now, and puts the shoulders down!

There’s one… and Harmen rolls the shoulder back up before two!

MN: Man, is this really going to be THAT easy for him?!

DM: It’s been less than a minute since the bell, Neels… don’t you think it’s a little too hasty to be passing judgments? Let’s not forget what an athlete like Jack Harmen is capable of!

DT: No doubt about that, Dean-O… Jack Harmen is one of the most gifted and accomplished athletes of this generation! But right now, he hardly seems the part trapped between the canvas and what I would assume is a rather uncouth Russian armpit!

MN: All that borscht really ferments the sweat glands in those areas! In some circuits, they consider this a legitimate sleeperhold, as long as a giant Russian guy is the one doing it!

DT: Harmen gritting his teeth, trying to get an arm in there and pry his way loose! He turns inward toward Dalkichev… now back OUT! Does he have it…?

DM: HE DOES!! Jack Harmen, wriggles free and slips away before Dalkichev can catch him! The Escape Artist could takes notes from that move by the master himself!

MN: If he were paying attention at this point… but he hasn’t moved from that apron in his corner since the bell rang!

DT: Jack Harmen has a chance now, springing up to his feet and taking a bounce off the ropes… SLIPS right through the slow and clumsy grasp of “the Russian Hammer” as he runs by… there’s the rebound -- but he gets CUT DOWN by a TITANIC back chop from Dalkichev, who was right there waiting for him! Harmen’s head ROCKED off of the canvas after that one!

DM: He’s still feeling the sting as he gets to his feet, and see Dalkichev waiting for him to come and try again! This is definitely proving to be more of a challenge than was originally anticipated!

DT: Harmen makes the tag to Davis, and here comes Tony into the ring, ready to give his team a showing of muscle! Davis wastes no time, going right after Dalkichev and the two lock up! Dalkichev, with the POWER of three regular-sized men, tosses Davis back to the canvas with EASE! Undaunted, Tony’s right back up… and goes into another lock up!

MN: Do these gas-huffers EVER learn?!

DT: Ivan Dalkichev isn’t playing around this time, as he overpowers Davis on this one, and manhandles him into a clinch hold! Davis struggling to get out, but Dalkichev draws him back in with double-underhooks… and UP and OVER goes Davis with the suplex!

DM: The tag team legend’s famed power is on full display here tonight, as Team VIAGRA continues to struggle finding a solution!

DT: Here’s Ivan, back on his feet… gets a bounce off the ropes, and COMES DOWN WITH THE ELBOW -- NO!! Tony Davis NARROWLY avoids getting his head crushed like a melon by rolling to the side! Dalkichev feeling the first sting in this match, albeit self-inflicted, but Davis has a shot on him as he tries to get back to his feet… running forearm strike stuns the big man! And there’s the DDT to follow through!

DM: Tony Davis, finding a way to get the job done! High Flyer sees an opportunity, and he’s asking for the tag!

DT: But Davis shakes his head, looking to make the cover here!

Lateral press… One… Two… and Davis gets THROWN off of Dalkichev, raging back to his feet!

MN: Uh oh… I think they just woke up the GIANT!

DT: Dalkichev is snarling like a rabid kodiak, but Davis is quickly back up and right in his face, peppering the jaw of the Russian-born suplex master with as many stiff forearm shots as he can get in! Ivan, soaking it up… STOPS DAVIS IN HIS TRACKS by seizing him by the NECK… and Davis gets PASTED into the mat with a two-handed CHOKESLAM!!

DM: OUCH! Harmen and Mayweather have to look away after watching the impact on that!

DT: Ivan Dalkichev, still feeling some of that DDT that put him on the mat, looks like he could use a tag… but the Television Champion on the apron in his corner is only JUST now trying to pull himself to his feet! He’s definitely in no condition to get in there just yet!

DM: Not that he really needs the help at this point!

DT: Perhaps… Dalkichev going back for Davis as he sits up and shakes the effects of that chokeslam out of his head! Ivan with the scoop… no, Tony fights back with FOREARMS to the mid-section! The big man is stunned… and Davis ROLLS all three-hundred plus pounds of mass to the mat with a quick Fireman’s Carry to put him down!

DM: That’s what they needed… and Davis wastes no time making the tag!

MN: Yeah, another minute in the ring with that grizzly bear, and he’ll be missing out on tonight’s main event! Maybe missing out on a couple arms too, if he ain’t lucky…

DT: Dalkichev rolling over, getting back up surprisingly quick… but Jack Harmen is FASTER, springing to the top rope -- MISSILE DROPKICK as he enters the ring, and Dalkichev staggers back into the ropes! Harmen back up and off the other side to get a full head of steam --

DM: Davis makes the BLIND TAG!

DT: It’s legal, but Harmen already bursting forward as Dalkichev staggers forward… CLIPS THE LEG with the low dropkick, and Ivan’s face BOUNCES off the canvas! He might have him stunned there, and Jack wastes no time going for the pin… but there IS no pin, because he’s not the legal man! Tony Davis, the legal man, quickly pulls him off and goes for the pin himself! Harmen looks INCREDULOUS!




DM: Davis clearly doesn’t want to let his brother-in-law Harmen steal the show tonight!

MN: Well hey, every now and then, one member of a tag team just needs to shine brighter! Who knows? Aggression 75 could be his big night!

DT: Or it could be his greatest blunder if he bites off more than he can chew, but for the time being, Team VIAGRA have finally chipped away at Dalkichev and worn down a significant amount of the big man’s stamina! Harmen back to the outside, and Davis isn’t even going to risk getting the giant back up, instead rolling him over and hooking him into a stiff armbar!

DM: There’s no telling how much punishment a mastodon like Ivan Dalkichev can withstand before he goes down for good… but in the meantime, it doesn’t hurt to negate that overwhelming power game in the Russian’s arsenal!

DT: Davis beaming with pride as he wrenches the arm, trying to get something out of the fans… but Dalkichev hasn’t lost ALL of his strength, gritting his teeth and getting ANGRY as he powers his way back to his feet! Tony Davis is smiling no longer… and he goes to the MAT as Dalkichev reverses the armbar with a hiptoss! Davis back up -- and back DOWN as Dalkichev buries a size-seventeen boot into his face!

DM: It was good strategy by Davis, but he got a little cocky…

DT: Ivan Dalkichev, breathing heavy, really needs a moment of rest… but as he goes to his corner, Rezin, still looking wounded, holds up a hand and shakes his head! Come on, how much longer does he need here?!

MN: Give the guy a break, Burger Boy! Let’s not forget that he was assaulted only moments before the bell, and given practically no time to recorporate!

DT: You mean “recuperate”... and what happened before this match took place, the Television Champion had coming to him! For the time being, however, Dalkichev must still single-handedly fight on the behalf of the Crimson Calling, with his manager Mister Nathan Fear giving him his full confidence from the outside! Davis, meanwhile, recovers back to his feet, and finds Ivan Dalkichev bearing down on him once again! He gets ready for the grapple… no, he turns to his corner and tags in HARMEN!

DM: I don’t think Jack expected that!

DT: Davis quickly clears out of the Raging Russian’s path as Harmen again goes upstairs to make his entrance… NOT THIS TIME!! Dalkichev PLUCKS the former High Flyer out of the arm and hoists him right up into the GORILLA POSITION!

MN: Not quite the High Flyer he used to be…

DT: Davis back up on the apron, and -- HE BLIND TAGS AGAIN, connecting with Harmen’s ankle as Dalkichev spins him around to the center of the ring! Ivan has him right where he wants him now… OH MAN!! Harmen’s middle comes down over the KNEE with the drop, and Ivan Dalkichev nearly broke him in half!

DM: Ivan Dalkichev is putting up a great show tonight! It’s too bad he has to worry about TWO opponents instead of one!

DT: The other opponent rushes into the ring now while the Russian’s back is turn… Davis, the legal man, jumps up and BLASTS HIM over the head with a double axe-handle! Dalkichev reels… Tony Davis pulls him in… SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! He only pulled that off because the big man still had his attention of Harmen!

MN: Using your opponent as a distraction is a great ploy! Cameron Cruise spent years as the PERFECT decoy for Joey Melton to work his own magic!

DT: Nice callback to another legendary team, the Cameron Cruise Project, but we’ve got two great teams in the ring right now… well, three-quarters of two great teams anyway! Rezin picks up his head off the ropes, just in time to see Tony Davis coming right at him with a RUNNING ELBOW -- and Rezin GOES TO THE FLOOR! He hasn’t been ANY HELP for the Crimson Calling tonight!

DM: Davis taking out Rezin is his way of finding an opportunity!

DT: Harmen in the corner, out of the way while he recovers, but Davis is looking for the finish here, scooping the stunned Ivan Dalkichev back to his feet! Draws him and hooks the arms… going for the EQUALIZER, but I don’t think he has enough!

MN: Too much BORSCHT in those buns!

DT: Davis looking to win in a big way… but can he get it done? Trying again… Dalkichev just won’t BUDGE! Now he digs deep… GRITS HIS TEETH… VEINS POPPING OUT OF HIS NECK as he PULLS UP with every last bit of strength!!

DM: He’s expending TOO MUCH before the main event!

DT: Dalkichev’s FEET leave the mat…

...and the big man TOUCHES DOWN and STANDS RIGHT UP, bringing the surprised Tony Davis up with him! Davis looking up and seeing only CANVAS… and Dalkichev hooks the arms before DRIVING HIM DOWN HEAD FIRST!! What an amazing counter by the Russian!

DM: He could certainly use a tag now, but Rezin is nowhere to be found on the apron, thanks to Davis!

DT: Come to think of it, Rezin’s not even on the ringside floor right now! Where the hell did he GO?! Did I not notice him leaving the ring?! Did he go through the audience?

DM: I’m not sure, Dave… and neither is Ivan Dalkichev nor Nathan Fear, looking to each other in confusion!

DT: Dalkichev starting to look worried now, as he’s fought alone since the bell… but it could be over now with a pinfall! Ivan drags Davis from the ropes… hooks the leg for the pin!



Thre -- NO!! BROKEN UP by Jack Harmen! Harmen getting in some free kicks while he can before the official moves him back to the outside!

DM: There’s no way Dalkichev can finish this without somebody watching his back, but Rezin has disappeared! Under the ring, maybe?

DT: It’s possible… Davis has the opportunity to recover now, Dalkichev using the ropes to get up, and Harmen there in the corner, ready for a tag and reaching out! But Davis looks at him and says NO! He’s putting it on himself to FINISH THIS for Team VIAGRA!

DM: This is no time to be getting an ego!

MN: This is the PERFECT time! Can’t you imagine what they’ll say after tonight? Tony Davis… the GIANTKILLER!

DT: How’s that for irony? One competitor can’t tag out, and the other can’t tag in! Davis making it to his feet… Dalkichev up as well… Ivan with a BIG left haymaker, but Davis sidesteps! Tony still has the advantage in speed, going low around the waist of Dalkichev! Davis, swinging HARD to the right, trying to roll the big man down -- no wait, Dalkichev with a waistlock of his own… Davis off the mat -- AND IVAN DRILLS HIM WITH THE DALKICHEV LIFT!!

DM: EPIC IMPACT! He adopted that from Alexander Karelin, and made a massive improvement in devastation to suit his size!

DT: I think it may be over for Team VIAGRA! Did Ivan Dalkichev really just do this by himself?! Going for the cover…



THREE -- NO!! Davis gets the shoulder up!

MN: Couldn’t help but notice that Jack Harmen wasn’t in there to break that one up!

DT: Harmen remained on the apron, as he’s no longer interested in bailing Tony Davis out of his own mess, but he looks nevertheless relieved that his brother in law is hanging in there for Team VIAGRA! Davis is trying to hang in there, but Dalkichev is dominating the ring right now, bringing Tony up… and locks him right into a TIGHT bearhug! Davis is reaching over the shoulders of the giant, trying to make the tag… but Ivan is having NONE OF THAT, as he charges forward and sandwiches him against the turnbuckle!

MN: Oh right… NOW he wants to tag out!

DT: Davis looking hurt in the corner as Dalkichev backs out and beckons him back up! Here comes Ivan -- NO!! Davis lands a low shoulder block to the middle, and Dalkichev stumbles backwards! Davis to his feet… DAVIS WITH THE SCOOP -- HE GETS HIM OFF THE MAT!!


Crowd: *POP!!*

DT: THREE-HUNDRED PLUS POUNDS, slammed straight onto the canvas! UNBELIEVABLE feat by Tony Davis!

DM: It took a lot of his strength to pull that off! Does he have enough to make the tag?!

DT: The crowd, once put off by the ego of Tony Davis, are solidly in his corner now after that body slam on the big man! Davis is getting reenergized, being cheered on by Mary-Lynn Mayweather from the outside and his own brother-in-law, the former High Flyer, JACK HARMEN, reaching over the ropes for the tag!

DM: Hang on a sec… movement on the other side of the ring! Is that who I think it is!

DT: It’s REZIN! You were right, Dean! He WAS under the ring!

MN: No doubt, he felt that slam and realized it was time to come back into this thing!

DT: Meanwhile, Davis on his hands and knees, crawling to his corner… Dalkichev beginning to stir, trying to get up as well! Davis sees Harmen… he pushes himself up… DIVES… TAG MADE! The crowd goes WILD as Jack Harmen flips the ropes and takes to the ring!

MN: RISE, Fatass, RISE!!

DT: Dalkichev struggling to get up as Jack Harmen has him right where he wants him… DIVING CROSS CHOP across the chest drops Dalkichev back to the mat! Ivan sits up… HARMEN WITH THE SNAPMARE to follow up! Ivan’s head just BOUNCED off the mat! Harmen back up in an instant… STANDING MOONSAULT!! Lateral press for the PIN!



THREE -- NO!! Dalkichev got the shoulder up, but the momentum has completely shifted in this match!

DM: The legendary Harmen is letting all LOOSE in there right now! Dalkichev is completely gassed, no thanks to Rezin, and Jack has him right where he wants him!

DT: Ivan slowly trying to rise up again as Harmen claps his hands and gets the fans rallied together! Here he goes, off the ropes, and -- NO!! REZIN PULLS HIM TO THE OUTSIDE!!

DM: UNBELIEVABLE!! NOW he gets involved!

DT: Rezin with Harmen back up… MY GOD, NEARLY DECAPITATES HIM WITH THE DAMASCUS HEEL on the outside! Jack Harmen has been TAKEN OUT! This is blatant interference!

MN: No, Burger Boy, this is a well timed COMEBACK! He waited in the shadows until the right moment to strike, and Jack Harmen’s moment of glory has been RUINED!

DM: Funny how he all of a sudden doesn’t look too HURT anymore… but Ivan Dalkichev, coming back to his feet and seeing his partner out there, doesn’t find it quite so amusing! No doubt he wonders where Rezin was when he needed the tag!

DT: Dalkichev is yelling at Rezin to get back to the apron so he can tag out! The big man looks completely EXHAUSTED right now! But now Rezin holds his ribs and his neck, hobbling away from the scene as if the mere act of WALKING were too painful!

Crowd: “BOOOOOOO!!!”

DM: These fans know a con job when they see one, and Dalkichev ain’t biting on it!

DT: TOO LATE!! TONY DAVIS Pearl Harbors him from being! Dalkichev reeling forward… AND DAVIS FOLLOWS UP with the bulldog! Now the official turns his attention from Rezin to Davis! Rezin now... it looks like he’s pulling out something with him from under the ring! What is that…?

DM: You know EXACTLY what it is!

MN: IT’S THE SLUDGE BUCKET!! OH YES, somebody’s gettin’ TAINTED tonight!

DT: He must have had that thing hidden down there the whole time!

MN: I thought that smell was just YOU, Dean!

DM: Funny, Neels… although Rezin won’t be laughing if the referee spots that disgusting vessel anywhere near the ring!

DT: Well now that the referee is trying to stop Tony Davis from railing away on Ivan Dalkichev, Rezin is free to make his move! He gets Harmen to his feet, rocks him with a forearm shot to the face, and rolls him back in under the ropes… now he’s got the bucket and trying to follow, but Mary-Lynn Mayweather is trying to stop him! Rezin rudely brushes her off with a KICK!

Crowd: “BOOOOOOO!!”

MN: Hey, she was interfering! She had it coming! Girls like that are just supposed to stand there and look good!

DT: Rezin unhindered now, entering the ring and pulling that bucket in with him! Now he stalks up behind Tony Davis, who hasn’t noticed! Rezin with a tap on the shoulder… Davis glances back, double-takes, and WHIRLS AROUND with the clothesline -- DUCKED by Rezin! Now he gets in front… UP and BACK DOWN WITH THE REZ HIT!!

MN: Well, he certainly didn’t see that coming! But hey, the ref DID tell him to get his ass out of the ring!

DT: Amazingly enough, REZIN is now the lone man standing in the ring, after spending most of it on the outside, pretending he was too hurt to compete! He still hasn’t got anything in outside of cheap shots though… and now he looks into the crowd with that sick grin on his face, pointing to the bucket!

Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!”

DT: Now he points at HARMEN and HOLDS UP HIS NOSE!!

DM: That can’t be a good sign!

DT: Rezin going for the bucket! The referee sees what’s happening and tries to stop him, but Rezin ignores it and brushes by! He’s got ahold of that bucket now, and Harmen is slowly getting back up! Rezin is right in his blindspot!

MN: Right where he WANTS to be!

DT: The official, desperately trying to prevent something bad from happening, grabs the bucket by the handle and tries to wrangle it free! Rezin struggling… and he SHOVES the referee stiffly to the side!

DM: That should be the BELL right there! He’s completely out of line if he thinks he can get away with covering the legendary JACK HARMEN in that filth!

MN: He can do whatever the hell he damb well PLEASES! He’s the TELEVISION Champ!

DT: Hold up… Dalkichev coming to behind Rezin, seeing this! Now he’s on his feet! Harmen almost up, and Rezin’s just waiting for him to turn around… Dalkichev grabbing Rezin by the arm -- and REZIN TARS DALKICHEV!!

Crowd: “OOOOOOOHHH!!!”

DM: Oh man, he done MESSED UP NOW!!

DT: Dalkichev is now a standing sticky obelisk of boiling black RAGE, looming over Rezin, who stands completely dumbfounded beneath him! No doubt, he must have thought it was the referee trying to take the bucket away again, but instead he made a fatal error!

MN: Time to RUN!

DT: Dalkichev GRASPING -- but Rezin SLIPS around! Rezin SCREAMING IN TERROR as he flails across the ring in a panic, the Russian chasing him down like a rabid swamp monster! Rezin through the ropes -- but NATHAN FEAR stops him from leaving the apron!

DM: His former manager has had enough of this! The Escape Artist is NOT getting away!

DT: BAM! Ivan Dalkichev clubs his partner on the apron, and the referee calls that a TAG! Dalkichev, with a snap of the ropes, ROLLS Rezin into the ring, and finally he’s in this match on an official level! Rezin back up, screaming angrily at his partner!


DT: Rezin suddenly remembering who he’s in the ring with! He turns around…

LO-CO-MOTION!! JACK HARMEN came driving the CRAZY TRAIN OUT OF NOWHERE, sending Rezin CORKSCREWING into the canvas!

DM: Fear and Dalkichev are letting Team VIAGRA HAVE this one!

DT: Harmen with the cover for the win!




Crowd: “WH-HUH?!”

DM: You gotta be KIDDING me!

DT: Harmen DRAGGED out of the ring, and Davis through the ropes! After all that, he’s going for all the glory!




[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang.]

[Davis pops to his feet, whooping victoriously, but getting a very mixed reaction. Harmen is tangled in the ropes on the apron, looking completely confused and betrayed.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, announcing the winners of the match…



DT: Well, Team VIAGRA come away with the win here tonight, although in a rather anti-climactic fashion, with Tony Davis stealing the show from his brother-in-law, Harmen!

DM: It almost seemed at one point through this match that Tony Davis was putting his ego aside and using the solidarity of the team as his strength… but that all went out the window in the final moments, and now Team VIAGRA finds itself right back where it began walking into the ring!

MN: Alas, that’s just the sign of a lousy team!

DT: A lousy team that managed to score a win over a team some would call legendary, and over a Television Champion at that!

MN: Bah… they clearly took advantage of MJ2’s attack before the match! If Rezin had been 100% at the bell, this would have been a different story!

DT: Harmen and Davis have taken back to arguing, and Mary-Lynn Mayweather jumps in as well, trying to get these two to a peaceful resolution! Meanwhile, Mr. Nathan Fear hands Ivan Dalkichev a towel, as the two surviving members of the Crimson Calling take to the ring and loom over the slightly stirring Rezin!

DM: Looks like Dalkichev could easily take his revenge on Rezin now!

DT: Strangely, though, he doesn’t look at all interested! Even as he wipes the bastard’s disgusting muck from his face and out of his hair, it almost looks like he can only feel PITY for his former friend and partner at this point!

DM: Team VIAGRA could take a lesson from these guys on what goes wrong when egos run rampant, if you ask me.

DT: Main event is still to come, where Davis and Harmen will be opponents, along with a slew of other challengers! We need to take a break, fans, but don’t go away!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Daymon Family Christmas

[FADEIN to the EPW locker room, where we find ROCKO DAYMON sitting alone on a bench between the rows of lockers. He’s already dressed to compete later in the battle royal, performing the finishing touches as he stoically straps on his grappling gloves in a meditative pre-match ritual.]

[His bubble of solitude promptly bursts with a groan and a cough from off camera, and a moment later, REZIN falls into the spot next to him on the bench, one hand clutching the EPW TELEVISION TITLE tight to his chest while the other rubs the sore spot on his jaw where the fomer High Flyer put his foot only moments ago.]

REZIN: I swear, dude… it’s like I’m getting kicked in the face every other night now!

[ROCKO gives him a cursory glance, but otherwise no response. REZIN, not put off in the slightest, quickly puts on his bastard’s grin as he holds the Television Title out in his lap.]

REZIN: Oh well… I guess that’s just the price one has to pay to be CHAMP around here! I guess that’s something you know all to well… am I right?

[DAYMON slowly turns his head to the decrepit martial artist clad in black sitting next to him, giving him the slow death stare. REZIN’s grin wanes as he realizes the former World Heavyweight Champion is in no mood to chat on such topics.]

[Their attention is drawn to the door to the locker room as it opens, and ROCKO bolts to his feet, his eyes open in anger and astonishment.]

ROCKO: F[bleep]k me… not this again!

[The camera swings over to the right, following the former champ’s line of sight to find his estranged wife CAITLYN DAYMON standing in the door of the locker room.]

CAITLYN: Well hello to you too, darling!

ROCKO: Just do yourself a favor... turn around and walk the hell out of here. You have no business in this place...

CAITLYN: Says who? I’m checking on my client… or did you forget that I work as a manager?

ROCKO: Don’t bulls[bleep]t me, Cait. You know damn well that you don’t manage me any more…

[Scoffing, CAITLYN rudely brushes by her ex-husband…]

CAITLYN: Who said anything about you?

[...and walks into the open arms of REZIN, welcoming her with a lustful smile. Then, to the shock and horror to everyone watching, the deranged pair lock lips. The Philadelphia fans RETCH loudly in profane disgust. ROCKO simply goes agape, beyond able to comprehend what he’s seeing. Finally, REZIN and CAITLYN break away from each other… the dastardly goat bastard with a belt in one arm and a certified MILF in the other grinning like a pig in a pool of its own filth.]

REZIN: Heh heh… well hello again, my lady… how was I out there?

CAITLYN: You were just STUPENDOUS, darling! You followed my advice perfectly! It’s just too bad that lumbering Ukrainian oaf screwed everything up in the end. How is your jaw?

REZIN: Eh, ya know, it hurts like a muthafugga… but I ain’t worried about that now that YOU’RE here!

ROCKO: HOLD THE F[bleep]CK UP… what just happened here?!

[CAITLYN glances over at her ex-husband as if just noticing for the first time.]

CAITLYN: Oh, didn’t anybody tell you, Rock? I’m managing Erik now!

REZIN: Plus a whole LOT more! Heh…

ROCKO: You gotta be kidding me… there’s no way in hell Dan would let this fly.

CAITLYN: Really? Maybe we should ask him and find out…

[CAITLYN cups a hand around her mouth and looks randomly around the locker room while calling out in all directions.]

CAITLYN: DAN RYAN? PAGING MISTER DAN RYAN? Is there a Mister Ryan in the building? Hmm, guess not…

ROCKO: Caitlyn, if you think I’m going to let you get in my now, then --

REZIN: Whoa, Rocko… let’s just chill on this for a moment. We’re all grown adults here right?

[ROCKO bites his lip, but the anger doesn’t leave his eyes…]

REZIN: That’s what I thought. And because we’re adults, then we all know it’s all good here. It’s all cool now, because what’s in the past is in the past, and right now, we’ve moved on and we’re all just flowing in our own separate ways.

ROCKO: She might have convinced you of that… but I’m not buying this for a second.

[Still trying to ease the tension, REZIN approaches the former champion, whose entire body language clearly reads that he doesn’t want the goat bastard anywhere near him. Nevertheless, REZIN claps a hand onto ROCKO’s shoulder in an overtly misread attempt a friendly gesture.]

REZIN: It will all be cool, man… you’ll see. I mean, Rock, even you have to understand… Caitlyn, she’s a grown woman who can make her own decisions… and you DID kinda just up and kick her to the curb one day. I don’t know about you, but for myself and some other guys I know, throwing away a downright good piece of WOMAN like that is just an outright shame. So I just felt stepping in there and not letting a good thing go to waste, know what I mean?

[REZIN grins at the camera and flashes the shocker with the arm holstering the TV Title.]

REZIN: Oh really… stepping my way up there REAL good, if you know what I’m saying! All up and ROUNDHOUSE KICKIN’ my way into that! One in the black, two on the ATTACK!

ROCKO: You have five seconds to get your hand off of me, or I’m taking it with me.

[REZIN’s grin melts as he promptly lets go of ROCKO’s shoulder… and he outright grimaces the minute he sees the black hand print left on the former champion’s immaculate silver robe. DAYMON is visibly fuming, and REZIN, foolishly trying to make up for his blunder, tries a quick spit shine on the stoic veteran’s shoulder, but on rubs the stain in worse.]

REZIN: Damb… that could turn into a real problem fast. No way you’re going out looking like THAT, know what I mean? But hey, I got something in the car that could get that out… so why don’t YOU just sit tight, and I’ll run that way as fast as I can, and we could get that taken care of? COOL?? Aight…

[REZIN slips out of the scene, frantically heading for the exit as the escape artist tries to escape what could very well be the third beatdown of the night. Surprised by his flight, CAITLYN tries to follow…]

CAITLYN: ERIK, where the hell are you going?!

[ROCKO quickly takes her by the arm.]

CAITLYN: Asshole! Let go of me, now!

ROCKO: No way… not until we get this sorted out. We’re going to see Castor, now…

[She struggles only briefly but then lets herself be dragged out of the scene as the estranged DAYMONS make their way toward the offices.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Haughton v. MJ2 v. Light

[FADEIN: Ringside where MJ2 has just thrown Christian Light into the ring steps. Haughton then starts hammering away on MJ2 with right hands.]

DT: Fans while we were on commercial we were alerted to a brawl in the back that has now spilled out to the ring area, these three men were set to meet in a triple threat match and it looks like things have started a bit early!

DM: Everyone’s been on edge with the huge battle royal tonight that will give two men a chance to fight for the EPW World Title at WrestleVerse. Clearly the tension in the locker room has boiled over and now we’re seeing it in this wild brawl that’s broken out before the bell as even rung!

MN: I blame Light for all of this, his goody two-shoes act has finally been exposed for the fraud that it is, we’re seeing this guy is a backjumping thug like I’ve always said he was!

DM: Neely we have no idea who started this fight!

MN: You just keep telling yourself that.

DT: While Mike Neely slowly loses his sanity I’ll be calling this triple threat match. MJ2 just tossed Light into the ring and Haughton follows both men and the ref is calling for the bell. [Bell rings] so while this fight might have gotten off to an odd start, it’s now officially underway.

DM: Light on the wrong end of a double team here as Haughton and MJ2 are both hammering away on him early on here.

MN: See! He started this and that’s why everyone’s out to get him! Serves him right the big dummy!


DM: A bit of mind games here with the battle royal coming up, as now Justice has sent MJ2 over the top to the floor to show him that’s he’s capable of dumping the powerhouse over the top when it’s time to fight for the shot at the EPW World Title.

MN: I thought he was just trying to dump him on his head on the floor, thank goodness you read all that into it.

DT: Haughton now grabs Light and throws him back into the ring…Light slowly getting to his feet…KICKED IN THE HEAD BY HAUGHTON! A COVER!




DT: Light kicks out as Justice gives the ref a glare over the speed of that count…Light sent into the ropes…Haughton off the other side…RUNNING CLOTHESLINE DECKS LIGHT! A COVER! LEG HOOKED!!





DM: Normally EPW has elimination style matched, but tonight’s a one fall to the finish and MJ2 just saved the match for himself after that vicious clothesline nearly ended things for Haughton.

MN: I think he just wanted to keep it going so he could dish out more of a beating to that trouble maker Light. I’m getting word from the back that he started the pre-match brawl.

DM: And who is telling you that?

MN: I got connections, don’t mess with me Dean.

DT: MJ2 and Haughton now trading blows as Light is getting a much needed breather. Haughton rocks him with a series of rights and sends him into the corner…MJ2 EXPLODES OUT WITH A CLOTHESLINE!! Justice getting back to his feet and he’s sent to the ropes…FLYING SHOULDER BLOCK BY MJ2 DECKS HIM!

DM: MJ2 dishing out the beating now and he’s got control of this contest.

MN: Bitten by a radioactive obvious, Dean Matthews was given super human powers and became Captain Obvious!

DT: You are punchy tonight Neely.

MN: Sometimes I bite my tongue around you two, tonight’s not that night. I’m telling it like it is!

DT: Well I for one am really thrilled at having this newly liberated Mike Neely on color. Haughton pulled back to his feet and MJ2 throwing hard right after hard right…WAIT! CHRISTAIN LIGHT BACK IN THE RING DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES BOTH MEN! Light now putting the boots to Haughton and MJ2!

DM: Light came out of nowhere and he’s just turned this match on it’s ear!

MN: Come on guys don’t let this back-jumping coward get the best of you!

DT: Light grabs Haughton…TOSSED HIM OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR! The head games leading to the battle royal continue!

DM: Light making a stand here. He’s been in trouble this whole match but he’s shown he can turn things around in the blink of an eye.

DT: Light kick MJ2 in the gut and now gives him a right hand, and another right. MJ sent into the ropes…POWERSLAM BY LIGHT!! HE HOOKS THE LEG!!




DT: Light almost won it there. Light grabs MJ2 and sends him into the corner…LIGHT FOLLOWS HIM AND SMASHES HIM WITH AN AVALANCHE!! MJ2 DOWN! LIGHT WITH A COVER!




DT: Light can’t believe that didn’t keep MJ2 down, Haughton back up on the apron, Light over and pops him with a right hand…MJ2 over…PUSHES LIGHT INTO HAUGHTON! THEY CLASH HEADS!! MJ2 WITH A ROLL UP ON LIGHT!




DT: Light gets the shoulder up just in time…MJ2 grabs him…He’s got Light in the air…POWERBOMB!!! Wait he’s not done…He’s got him up again…ANOTHER ONE!!

DM: Christian Light is a big guy, MJ2 showing some SERIOUS power in managing to get him up a second time.

MN: He isn’t done yet Dean!

DT: MJ2 really digging down deep…HE’S GOT LIGHT UP AGAIN…A THIRD POWERBOMB!! This crowd is going nuts! MJ2 with a cover!!



[Bell rings as Haughton is a beat too late to break up the pin]

DT: What a display of power from MJ2! MJ2 quickly to the outside as Haughton is STEAMING MAD he was a half second slow to break up that pin!

TF: Here is your winner…MALCOLM! JOSEPH! JONES!!!

DT: MJ2 may have just given himself some momentum going into the battle royal, he has to be one of the favorites to walk away with the change to fight for the title, and we’re going to see it all right after this!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Daymon Divorce Court

[FADEIN on the office of interim EPW President CASTOR STRIFE – Castor is sitting at his desk dressed in a light gray three piece suit with a light blue shirt and black tie combination. Across from him sits CAITLYN and ROCKO DAMON, and Rocko is speaking]

ROCKO: ...and besides all that, Dan Ryan himself was on the verge of permanently barring her from all future EPW events. No matter how much she begs or pleads, what scheme she’s involved in, it always comes down to her f[bleep]king with me, and at this stage of my career I CAN’T have that.

CAITLYN: Can I speak?

CASTOR: Go ahead.

CAITLYN: I will be the first to admit that things have been...less than pleasant between me and my ex-husband.

CASTOR: You don’t say...

CAITLYN: Yeah, well, he’s not exactly the EASIEST person to get along with! How would you like waking up at 3am because your idiot husband is blasting Sleep records, waking up the goddamn dogs...

ROCKO: Hey, f[bleep]k off! Are you leaving the company, or does Castor have to throw your skank ass out?

CASTOR: So a Sleep record does not contribute well to sleep?


CAITLYN: He hasn’t touched me in three years!

CASTOR: Alright, I don’t want to hear this sh[bleep]t! This isn’t divorce court.

ROCKO: She already took half my sh[bleep]t!

CASTOR: I’ve heard your side of this. Now I want Caitlyn to state her case for why she should stay with the company. Go on...

CAITLYN: Simple – I’m a manager now! A full-fledged WORKING GIRL, and Rezin needs me in his corner. I’m trying to do for him what I did for Rock, and that’s take him to the very TOP.

[Rocko shakes head in amusement]

CASTOR: It would really help if Rezin were sitting here now. Where is he?

ROCKO: That little bitch? He’s AFRAID of me! He would leave the zipcode if he saw me at the local McDonald’s.

CAITLYN: Oh PLEASE! He’s the Television Champ! What does he have to fear from you?

ROCKO: Death, motherf[bleep]ker!

CASTOR: OK I’ve made a decision. Regardless of whatever Dan Ryan was going to do, here’s not here right now, and I’m the one who is faced with resolving this dispute. Out of respect for the TV champ, I am granting Caitlyn a temporary stay until Rezin comes and speaks to me. I cannot put him at a disadvantage by taking his manager out of the picture simply because you don’t like her, Rocko.

CAITLYN: You truly are a wise man, Castor! Thank you!

CASTOR: Slow down. I’ve bled with this man right here [points at Rocko]; I respect him as much as anyone else in this industry, and the last thing I want to do is keep a lying, plotting, devious little succubus in the picture, if that is indeed what you are, at the risk of his career. So my stipulation is that you both keep a healthy distance from one another. And in the event that Rezin has to face Rocko at some future date, you will NOT be at ringside, Caitlyn. Understood?

CAITLYN: Ugh, fine.

ROCKO: Don’t worry, Rezin would no-show anyway.

CAITLYN: We’ll see about that.

CASTOR: Thanks for stopping by. Always a treat. Have a great one! Get the f[bleep]k out.

[Both Caitlyn and Rocko give Castor an odd look and get up from their chairs to leave. As they do, the secretary named SVETLANA from the Ukraine, a young, attractive woman who may or may not be an Eastern sex slave, pops her head in with the phone against her breast]

SVETLANA: Excyuse me, Prezident Strife? Mr. Cruise vould like to know if he can order MLB Season Pass using EPW company credit card? Vill you allow this?

CASTOR: No! Tell him he makes a million dollars a year, and he can buy his own f[bleep]king cable package. Season Pass! Is this what goes on around here?!

[Svetlana brings the phone back up to her ear]

SVETLANA: Mister Cruise? The Prezident say for you to buy own cable peck-age, dat you make million dull-ars per year. He does not look pleased.

CASTOR: Alright, be easy on him! He’s competing tonight, and I don’t need him firing off 47 apology e-mails to me.

SVETLANA: Now he say do not a-pull-ogize, and do not e-mail! Understood?

CASTOR: Svetlana, hang up the phone!



Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
MAIN EVENT: Battle Royal to Determine Match for Wrestleverse Main Event

[“Look at Me” by Geri Halliwell is playing as the show returns from back]

DT: Welcome back to Aggression 75, EPW fans, as we prepare for tonight’s main event – a 14-man, over-the-top-rope battle royal to determine the final contender for the main event at Wrestleverse V.

DM: Shawn Hart, appearing on EPW TV for the first time in years, is on his way to the ring now, and I have to say, it doesn’t look like he’s lost a step since the last time we saw him.

MN: Well, it’s going to take a lot more than not losing a step to win a match like this one – 14 men, an EPW World Heavyweight Title shot on the line, and the competition is going to be stiff, let me tell you.

[CUE UP: “I Am a Viking” by Yngwie Malmsteen’s Rising Force. Olvir Arsvinnar steps through the curtains to a big pop from the crowd and lumbers toward the ring]

DM: What an ovation for the Butt-Dominator as he makes his heralded EPW return!

MN: I guess the Norse gods didn’t answer my prayers that I’d never have to see this idiot again!

DT: While the competitors make their way to the ring, let’s go over what’s at stake in this battle royal one more time. As you know, the main event of Wrestleverse V will be a four corners match pitting the EPW Champion, the First, against Impulse, Castor V. Strife and a fourth man yet to be determined. The final two competitors in tonight’s battle royal will go one-on-one at Aggression 76, with the winner earning that coveted spot.

[CUE UP: “Best of the Best” by KU. Malcolm Joseph-Jones steps through the curtain and stalks to the ring, his eyes burning a hole in every competitor they focus on]

MN: Now here’s a guy who can do some damage in this thing – Malcolm Joseph-Jones! He’s big, he’s tough, he’s mean, and I imagine he can put just about anybody over the top rope in one fell swoop.

DM: That may be, but don’t forget, Mike, MJ2 is used to being the biggest dog in the fight, and tonight, that’s not the case – we’ve got a couple of entrants who are bigger and stronger than he is, and they may just give him a run for his money.

DT: That’s right, and several of them are already in the ring. We saw Shawn Hart and Olvir Arsvinnar head down the entranceway, but during the commercial break, we saw most of the rest of the pack enter this thing.

[CUE UP: “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne. Jack Harmen mocks the fans as he makes his way to the ring]

DM: Jack Harmen on his way down, and check out the look on the face of Tony Davis – he’s got to be looking forward to getting his hands on his one-time tag team partner.

MN: Davis may want a piece of Harmen, but he’s going to have to catch Harmen to get it, and I get the feeling that this is the kind of match where a quick competitor like Harmen can shine.

DT: Let’s take a look at the face of Tony Davis, and we can get a look at who’s already in this thing. Besides MJ2, Shawn Hart and Olvir Arsvinnar, we’ve got Tony Davis, we’ve got Christian Light, we’ve got Animezing Dragon, we’ve got the newcomer James “Judgment” Haughton, we’ve got the big man Magnus Destructo and we’ve got Aaron Jones. And each of them is hungry for a shot at the EPW Title.

[CUE UP: “Killing in the Name” by Rage Against the Machine. Cameron Cruise gets a big pop as he heads to the ring]

DM: And speaking of hunger, you can definitely see it in the look of determination on Cameron Cruise’s face. There’s nothing he would like more than to get another shot at the First and the EPW Title.

MN: Yeah, maybe he can hold the belt for two minutes this time, instead of just one!

DT: Cameron Cruise certainly has had issues with the First, but he’s got to be focused on the men in the ring tonight, as I’m sure a few of them would love to put a feather in their cap by knocking a former EPW Champion out of this battle royal.

[CUE UP: “At the Well” by Neurosis. Rocko Daymon heads to the ring, also to a respectable pop]

MN: Well, then, here comes another opportunity for someone to earn that feather – Rocko Daymon is the only other competitor in this match to have held EPW’s top title, and there are plenty of people I’d like to see send him over the top rope!

DM: You mean, like Olvir or Aaron Jones or Otaku?

MN: Ugh! Maybe they’ll all eliminate one another in the first five seconds and spare me the pain.

DT: We may be seeing some early action here, folks, as it looks like Magnus Destructo is tired of waiting for this thing to begin – he’s starting to push and shove the other competitors! Aaron Jones gets shoved to the mat, now Karl “The Dragon” Brown, now Shawn Hart!

[CUE UP: “All Along the Watchtower” by the Jimi Hendrix Experience. Eli Flair gets a huge pop as he heads down to the ring at a rapid clip]

DM: And Eli Flair does not like the way Magnus Destructo is playing the game here – he’s right down to the ring and right in the face of the Baron of Brutality!

DT: A circle has cleared in the center of the ring as all the other entrants are fixated on the standoff between Flair and Magnus Destructo!

[SFX: Ding! Ding!]

MN: Come on, this is supposed to be a battle royal! Somebody hit somebody in the back! Preferably Eli Flair!

DT: Magnus Destructo roars in the face of Eli Flair, but Flair isn’t going to budge. Destructo with a big shove – and Flair fires back with right hands! Flair hammering away at the big man, but Destructo shakes it off, another roar, and he’s got Flair in a double choke!

MN: Yes! Magnus Destructo is going to get Eli Flair out of there in a hurry!

DM: And Aaron Jones, of all people, with a shot to the back of Destructo! It doesn’t look like he even felt it, but the King of All Monsters spins around with murder in his eyes!

DT: And right into the Chidori from Otaku! That caught the 317-pounder off guard, and now Haughton with a chop-block staggers Destructo – and he lowers his head right into the Locomotive from Harmen!

DM: Destructo wobbles over to the ropes, and would you look at this – it looks like everyone in the ring just had the same idea! Thirteen men are now working to get Destructo out of there!

MN: This isn’t fair! I was counting on him to cull the herd a little!

DT: And Magnus Destructo is out of there! He’s gone! And he is not happy about it!

DM: Destructo is throwing a fit on the floor, but he’s got to head to the back – he’s the first man eliminated, and there are still 13 left! Maybe now this thing can begin in earnest.

MN: And in the best way possible! MJ2 immediately grabs Aaron Jones and launches him over the top as well!

DM: No! Jones manages to hang on and pull himself back under the bottom rope! And Eli Flair goes straight for MJ2, as this thing is turning into a Pier Six brawl in a hurry!

DT: Davis makes a bee-line for Harmen, but he’s cut off at the pass by Light! Cruise and the Dragon are going at it, Haughton mixes it up with Daymon, Olvir is being targeted by Hart and Otaku, and Harmen goes over to work on Jones!

DM: Looks like the spirit of cooperation didn’t last long, but we can’t be too surprised – it is, after all, every man for himself, and the prize to be won is a big one.

DT: With Destructo out of there, Flair seems to be trying to get another one of the big players out as well as he tries to get MJ2 over the top rope. MJ2 is a tenacious fighter, but the question is, can he hold up against the sheer size and strength of the King of Extreme?

MN: Are you kidding? Of course he can! Look at that – MJ2 with elbows to the head of Flair, and he breaks free! He slams Flair’s head into the turnbuckle, and now he’s punishing him for his insolence with shoulders to the midsection!

DM: Olvir, meanwhile, has got his hands full with the unlikely pair of Otaku and Shawn Hart. They saw the effectiveness of the team-up strategy against Destructo, and Olvir is a pretty big boy, too – no doubt, they’ll like their odds a lot better without another 300-plus-pounder in there.

MN: Yeah, but it took 13 to get rid of Destructo. I want to see Olvir out of there as much as anybody, but it’s going to take more than two men to do it. And frankly, between that loser Otaku and that weirdo Hart, I’m not sure there’s even one man between them.

DM: Well, maybe you should try your luck in there, then – see if you can become No. 1 contender to the EPW Title.

MN: And go up against the First? No thank you!

DT: We’ve talked about the big man strategy, but you can see Harmen taking the opposite strategy, going after the smallest man in the match in Jones. He’s got Jones halfway over the top and is trying to kick him off to the floor below, but Jones is clinging to those ropes like a tarantula – he’s going to be tough to dislodge.

DM: I wonder if Harmen might have more luck with Jones if he weren’t also having to keep an eye out for his former running buddy, Tony Davis. Davis is definitely going to go after Harmen in this thing, it’s just a matter of when.

MN: Davis has bigger problems right now, though – he’s got Christian Light to worry about, and Light is trying to suplex him right over the top! That’s going to be a rough landing for Davis if Light can get him!

DT: Haughton, meanwhile, is trying to headbutt his way out of the predicament Daymon has him in, and Brown is laying into Cruise with kicks in the corner. MJ2 gives Flair a parting gift of a couple of big European uppercuts, and he heads for Cruise – and tosses Brown right out of the way!

DM: Oh, Brown didn’t like that too much! He spins MJ2 around and nails him with a series of knife-edge chops! MJ2 looking for a clothesline, Brown ducks it, and a dropkick by the Dragon sends MJ2 to the mat! Another dropkick by Brown! Brown off the ropes as MJ2 gets to his feet – and MJ2 catches him with a big sidewalk slam!

DT: MJ2 back to his feet, and Otaku is on him with a flurry of punches! Otaku is coming to the aid of his tag team partner! And an armdrag by Otaku sends MJ2 to the ground!

DM: Brown and Otaku bring MJ2 to his feet and send him off the ropes, looking for a double clothesline – but MJ2 ducks it and hits the ropes on the opposite side!

MN: And MJ2 flattens both of them with a double clothesline of his own! He just about knocked them out of both sets of boots!

DT: Otaku drags himself up with the ropes as MJ2 brings Brown to his feet! MJ2 tosses Brown into Otaku – and both men go over the top and tumble to the floor!

MN: Did you see the momentum MJ2 got on Karl Brown? He threw him like a lawn dart, and that’s both members of Animezing Dragon eliminated!

DM: You have to admire the strength of MJ2, and you have to admire that accomplishment – two men eliminated in one fell swoop is an impressive medal to pin on your chest.

MN: Aw, and here’s Olvir to spoil the fun! Olvir with a big right hand to MJ2, and a clubbing double axehandle to the back!

DT: It looks like Olvir was able to get Shawn Hart up and over, but Hart landed on the apron – he’s still in this thing. Davis connects with an elbow to free himself from Light, and he’s headed for Harmen again, but he runs right into Cruise, and Cruise with a knee to the midsection as he tries to wear Davis down!

DM: Meanwhile, it’s Flair who gets to Harmen, and he chucks Harmen over the top – but Harmen skins the cat and comes right back in! He’s awfully proud of himself after that one! It’s not going to last, though, as Flair nails him with a stiff forearm shot and is trying to lift him over again!

DT: Hart now takes over on Jones, as Light drills Daymon and starts trying to lift him out, giving Haughton a reprieve. Though I imagine it won’t last long as Haughton finds a new target for his brand of justice.

DM: Light has got Daymon off his feet, but Daymon has a death grip on the ropes, and we’re seeing something pretty similar over on the other side of things as Flair tries to gut-wrench Harmen over the top.

MN: And Hart has just about got Jones out of there – Jones is dangling halfway off the apron with Hart’s boot stuck right under his chin!

DM: MJ2 tries to free himself from the crushing grip of Olvir with a headbutt, but I think he hurt his own head more than he hurt the hard head of the Naughty Norseman!

DT: And Davis has turned things around on Cruise and is trying to lever him out, but Cruise breaks free with a hard elbow to the head of Davis. Cruise with a clothesline – but Davis ducks under it, grabs Cruise and nails him with a release German suplex!

DM: Haughton looking for a clothesline on Davis, but he ducks it and Haughton gets a release German suplex, too!

DT: Davis now grabs Light from behind, looking for another German – but Light with a go-behind, and it’s Davis who feels the pain of the release German suplex!

MN: You don’t try to suplex the suplex master!

DT: Light now with the momentum, over to Hart and Jones, and he dumps Hart over the top – but Hart lands on the apron! Light looks to capitalize, but here’s Daymon to drag Light away!

DM: Meanwhile, Hart and Jones are trading shots on the apron, each man perilously close to elimination!

DT: Daymon with an Irish whip, Light reverses and Daymon runs smack into a big back body drop from the Last Nighthawk!

MN: Daymon got some serious air there, but I’d like to see what Light can do with Harmen or Jones!

DT: Light brings Daymon to his feet and, in another impressive display of power, picks him up in a military press! Light could be looking for Realizing the Dream, but Daymon wriggles free and lands on his feet behind Light! Light turns around – right into a rolling elbow by Daymon!

MN: I don’t care how big and strong you are, you get hit with an elbow like that, you’re going to feel it!

DM: Light staggers back into the ropes, and Daymon with a clothesline to send Light over the top to the floor! Christian Light has been eliminated!

MN: But Daymon’s not going to get any time to celebrate – he backs right into Olvir! Olvir hooks Daymon in a full nelson, and there’s the Butt-Dominator!

DT: MJ2 charges in with a clothesline, but Olvir ducks it, hooks the arms, and there’s the Butt-Dominator to MJ2 as well!

MN: OK, I don’t mind it when it’s Daymon, but come on, MJ2 deserves better than that!

DT: Hart’s back in the ring, rushes at Olvir – and runs straight into a big Polish hammer that just about turns him inside out!

DM: Jones now springboards in with a cross-body, but Olvir catches him in mid-air – and flattens him with a huge front slam! Olvir is, appropriately enough, dominating in there!

DT: Harmen just raked the eyes to escape Flair over by the ropes, and he nails Olvir with a shot to the back, but the massive Viking just turns and glares!

MN: Oh no! Geez, Harmen, what were you thinking?

DT: Harmen’s trying to make peace, but Olvir is having none of it as he grabs Harmen in a military press – and pumps him up and down to the great enjoyment of this capacity crowd!

DM: And the final pump sends Harmen flying and splatters him on the mat!

DT: The ring is just littered with bodies – but Eli Flair is now back to his feet, and I can’t see Olvir having such an easy time with him!

DM: These two colossal competitors are face to face in the ring, and the crowd is anxiously anticipating a clash of titans! A heavy blow by Olvir stuns Flair, and he retaliates with just as hard a shot, as a slugfest ensues between the two!

MN: Good! Maybe one of these guys will get rid of the other!

DT: Olvir seems to be getting the better of the exchange, but Flair blocks a right hand and responds with a few of his own! Flair grabs the big Viking with a goozle, but Olvir fights free with a kick to the midsection and a double axehandle! Olvir whips Flair to the buckle and charges in – but there’s nobody home as Flair dodges at the last second!

DM: Flair with a couple of hard rights to Olvir, looking for an Irish whip, but Olvir reverses! Flair ducks a big hammer-blow from Olvir, off the ropes from the other side – and he absolutely floors the Norseman with a hellacious Baseball Swing!

DT: Flair drags a disoriented Olvir to his feet – and dumps him out! Olvir has been eliminated, and what power on the part of the Hardcore Legend! After that kind of display, who’s going to be able to stand against Eli Flair?

MN: I’ll tell you who! Haughton with a kick to the midsection, grabs Flair in a headlock and nails him with the Judgment! That’s how you put down a 300-pounder!

DM: The Judgment by Haughton caught Flair by surprise, and it looks like some of the competitors clobbered by Olvir are getting back to their feet.

DT: Haughton is quickly set upon by MJ2, while Davis and Hart set their sights on Daymon and Cruise tries to drag Jones to his feet and get him out of there. Cruise has Jones up on his shoulder over by the ropes, but Jones is clinging to both Cruise and the ropes for dear life.

MN: How is Jones still in there? Has he gotten in a single offensive maneuver since Magnus Destructo shrugged off that shot to the back at the beginning of this thing?

DM: Jones has been light on the offense thus far tonight, but he’s still hanging in there. As has, I have to note, Daymon, who right now is managing to hold on in the face of a double-team by the unlikely duo of Davis and Hart. Each of them has a leg and is trying to dump Daymon out, but he’s having none of it.

DT: And meanwhile, MJ2 has Haughton trapped in the corner and is laying into him with kicks and stomps.

MN: See, now this is a strategy I can get behind. While everyone else is just trying to throw someone out, MJ2 is wearing them down, so when he goes to throw them out, they can’t fight it.

DM: MJ2 did make a big impact earlier, eliminating Karl Brown and Otaku simultaneously, but he’s going to have to rack up a lot more eliminations to win this thing.

DT: Take a look over at Jones and Cruise now – Jones is over the top, but he’s on the apron, and he’s got his legs grapevined around the arm and torso of Cruise. He’s trying to pull Cruise out from the apron!

MN: No way can he get Cruise that way. Cruise has 100 pounds on him. If someone’s going to get rid of him, it’s not going to be Jones.

DT: Daymon, meanwhile, fends off Davis with a couple of right hands, but Hart just redoubles his efforts. Harmen getting back to his feet after that big press slam from Olvir – and he backs right into Davis!

DM: Oh, look at the look on Harmen’s face! He doesn’t like how things are shaping up!

MN: No way! Harmen just sees an opportunity! He’s telling Davis they should join forces!

DT: Harmen offering a handshake – and Davis takes it!

DM: No! Davis with a short-arm clothesline! He’s been waiting all match to get his hands on Harmen, and now he’s got him!

DT: Davis brings Harmen to his feet, hooks him up and here comes that delayed vertical suplex Davis calls “Ooooh!” All the blood is rushing to the head of Harmen!

DM: And Davis finally brings him down to the mat!

DT: Harmen has definitely been knocked for a loop, as Davis brings him to his feet, but Harmen nails him with shots to the midsection! Harmen grabs a double underhook – he’s looking for the Hypothermia!

MN: Oh no! Davis takes him down at the legs! Davis with a slingshot sends Harmen over the top!

DM: No! Harmen lands on the apron! Harmen rolls back into the ring as Davis turns around – Too Fly to Fly!

DT: Wait! Davis catches him and dumps Harmen over again!

MN: But again, Harmen lands on the apron! You just can’t eliminate this guy!

DM: Davis grabs a handful of hair, but Harmen guillotines him across the top rope!

MN: Harmen’s too quick for Davis, and too smart by half!

DT: But Harmen wasted too much time gloating! Cruise is over with a big dropkick that sends Harmen off the apron, into the guard rail and down to the floor! Harmen has been eliminated!

DM: Harmen is yelling at Cruise from the floor, but out is out!

MN: He’s got Cruise’s attention, though, and it looks like Jones has recovered enough to go up to the top rope!

DT: Wait! Cruise sees Jones up top, and he nails Jones right in the breadbasket! Jones topples off the top rope – but he again manages to land on the apron!

DM: Davis goes over and nails MJ2 in the back, and now he and Haughton are double-teaming MJ2, trying to get him out of there. Hart’s got Daymon over the top, but Daymon lands on the apron as well to stay in this thing.

MN: And now look at this! It’s Cruise and Hart face to face in the center of the ring! Former Anthology teammates about to go at it – I love it!

DT: Tentative circling by the former friends and former enemies, and a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Cruise grabs a headlock on Hart, Hart backs him to the ropes, shoves him off, leapfrog by Hart and Cruise gets him with a shoulderblock coming from the other side. Cruise off the ropes, Hart hits the mat, back to his feet and another shoulderblock by Cruise.

DM: Cruise off the ropes again, but this time Hart catches him with an armdrag. Cruise back to his feet, charges in and another armdrag by Hart. Cruise back up again, lifts up Hart – he may be looking for the Shipwreck!

MN: No! Hart slides down the back and nails Cruise with a back suplex! Hart is a lot quicker and smarter than Cruise is giving him credit for!

DT: Daymon, meanwhile, has gone over to work on Davis, and now all four men in that corner are tangled up. Hart waiting for Cruise to get to his feet, and he may be looking for the Hart On here – but Cruise shoves him off into the ropes. Hart rebounds back – and Cruise grabs him for the Reality Check!

MN: But Hart again slips out with a knee to the midsection! Hart with an inverted atomic drop to Cruise, a few jabs, and you know what’s coming – El Codo Explosivo!

DM: Hart nails Cruise with that elbow to the head, and the former leader of Anthology is on the ground!

DT: But Hart turns around right into Haughton, who’s gotten himself free from that mess over in the corner! Haughton with a kick to the midsection, hooks Hart up and nails him with a fisherman suplex!

DM: Cruise gets back to his feet, Haughton off the ropes and he connects with a beautiful bulldog to the Crippler! Haughton is rolling!

DT: Haughton now grabs Jones off the mat, grabs a side headlock and he’s looking for the Judgment!

MN: *Whoa!*

DM: Good grief, did you see that?

DT: It looked like Haughton was about to nail the Judgment on Jones, but Flair is back to his feet out of nowhere, and he just grabbed Haughton and sent him flying out of the ring! Haughton has been eliminated!

DM: That is some serious power on the part of Eli Flair – not to mention some serious retribution, after he fell victim to the Judgment a few moments ago!

DT: That’s going to bring us to the halfway mark here tonight, as seven of our 14 competitors have been eliminated. Seven entrants still remain: Shawn Hart, Cameron Cruise, Eli Flair, Aaron Jones, Tony Davis, Rocko Daymon and Malcolm Joseph-Jones. Which two of these seven men will go one-on-one at Aggression 76, and which one of them will move on to the main event at Wrestleverse V?

DM: Davis takes a run at Flair, and he runs right into a clothesline. Daymon charges at Flair, and he gets the same. Davis back up, looks for a clothesline – but Flair catches it and nails him with a uranage! Daymon looking for a clothesline of his own, but Flair ducks under it, grabs Daymon and connects with a sleeper-lift slam!

MN: But there’s a big clothesline from MJ2, and Flair doesn’t dodge that one! Look at the strength of MJ2, and how easily he just put the big man on the mat!

DT: Flair’s back up, but there’s another clothesline from MJ2 to put him back down again! MJ2 with a kick to the midsection and a standing headscissors – can he pull off that big kneeling powerbomb on Flair?

DM: He’s not going to get a chance, as Flair backdrops his way out! Flair off the ropes as MJ2 gets back to his feet – and a huge spinebuster by MJ2! Wow!

MN: As big of a guy as Flair is, it might be easy to forget MJ2 is almost as big – until MJ2 reminds you with a move like that!

DT: And MJ2 turns around right into the Reality Check from Cruise!

MN: Aw, man! MJ2 was just about to run roughshod on this thing!

DM: Cruise telling the crowd he’s in control here – and Jones charges at him! Jones looking for a clothesline, but Cruise backdrops Jones over the top! Is he out?

DT: Jones’ feet are mere inches away from the floor, but he’s hanging onto the ropes – and he manages to pull himself back in and under the bottom rope! Another skin-of-the-teeth save for Jones!

MN: I’m getting awfully tired of this! Can’t somebody just throw him out? He weighs about as much as my shirt!

DM: Davis grabs Cruise by the hair and looks to toss him out, but Cruise blocks him by the ropes, and now he’s trying to dump Davis out as well.

DT: Over on the other side, Hart and Daymon have found each other. Hart with a series of shots, but Daymon catches one, twists the wrist around and nails Hart with an axe kick. Hart back to his feet, and Daymon nails him with a high knee that sends Hart over the top!

MN: No, look! He landed on the apron! Hart’s still in this thing!

DT: Daymon now scoops Jones up in a fireman’s carry and is trying to toss him out of there, but Jones grabs onto the top rope for dear life. Over on the ropes, Davis stuns Cruise with an elbow, and now he’s trying to dump Cruise again.

DM: Davis has one of Cruise’s legs off the ground – and look, here comes Hart to give him a hand!

MN: Wait! Hart just dumped Davis instead! What’s he thinking, saving Cameron Cruise like that?

DM: I don’t think he was looking to save Cruise so much as he was looking to take advantage of an unsuspecting Davis – as the pointing and laughing at Davis might suggest!

DT: Hart turns back to the ring – and a massive Baseball Swing from Flair sends Hart hurtling over the top to the floor!

DM: Hart took his eyes off the ball to showboat, and this time, it cost him!

DT: Davis and Hart have both been eliminated, and that’s going to bring us down to five!

DM: Daymon is able to dump Jones over the top, but Jones again manages to hang on! Daymon turns toward Flair, and so does Cruise!

MN: MJ2 is back to his feet, and he’s got his eyes on Flair as well! We may be seeing an unspoken strategy here, as all three men recognize the threat Flair poses!

DT: We’re definitely seeing that, Mike, as the three are slowly converging on the King of Extreme!

DM: I wonder how long any alliance can last if MJ2 is part of it, especially after he took the Reality Check just moments ago, but for now, he appears to see an advantage in participating.

DT: Flair’s eyes are darting back and forth among Cruise, Daymon and MJ2 – one of them is going to have to make the first move, but who will it be?

DM: It’s Cruise! Cruise charges in and is met with a clothesline! Daymon charges in, he gets a clothesline as well! MJ2 over to Flair, and he gets a clothesline, too!

MN: Flair’s now trying to hold off all three men at once – it’s working OK for the moment, but it can’t work forever!

DT: Cruise and Daymon now send Flair to the ropes, but he thunders back with a double clothesline that puts both men on the mat! Daymon up to his feet – and Flair grabs him in a goozle! Cruise is up, and Flair goozles him as well! We could be about to see a double chokeslam!

MN: But wait! MJ2 nails Flair with a chopblock! Stereo kicks to the midsection by Daymon and Cruise, and they put the big man down with a double DDT!

DM: And now all three bring Flair to his feet and are trying to get him out! Will the triple-team be enough to eliminate the Hardcore Legend?

DT: Flair is trying to hang on, but he’s facing some unfavorable odds! They’ve almost got him out!

MN: I don’t believe this! Jones just jumped right into the fray, and he’s throwing shots at all three men! He’s even dumber than I thought he was!

DT: Cruise shoves Jones away, and now looks for a clothesline – but Jones ducks under it, hits the ropes running and nails Cruise with a spinning headscissors! Daymon grabs Jones, and a huracanrana by Jones!

DM: MJ2 grabs Jones and looks to toss him out, but Jones hits the deck, and MJ2’s own momentum carries him up and over the top!

MN: But he landed on the apron; MJ2 is still in this thing!

DT: Jones leaps to the second rope, and a springboard dropkick finds its mark on MJ2! But MJ2 still manages to hang on!

DM: Over on the other side, Cruise is back to his feet – and he walks into a goozle from Flair! Big chokeslam by Flair puts Cruise on the mat!

DT: Daymon rushes Flair, and he runs right into a big boot! MJ2 manages to slam Jones’ head into the turnbuckle, and he’s back in the ring, but Flair grabs him in a goozle, too!

MN: And a kick right to the groin of Flair by MJ2! MJ2 escapes the grip of Flair the best way he knows how!

DM: MJ2 sets Flair up, hooks the leg – Greatness Buster by MJ2!

DT: MJ2 drags Flair to his feet, looking to send him packing, but Jones is back after MJ2! Daymon is back to his feet as Flair stumbles toward him – rolling elbow by Daymon sends Flair into the ropes!

DM: Jones off the ropes for a spinning heel kick on MJ2, but MJ2 ducks and Jones nails Daymon! MJ2 with a clubbing blow to Jones as Flair tries to shake out the cobwebs!

MN: And Flair walks right into the Reality Check! I think he just didn’t like it, either!

DT: Cruise hustles Flair to his feet – and dumps him over the top rope to the floor! Flair has been eliminated!

DM: It took a low blow, a rolling elbow, the Greatness Buster and the Reality Check, but Flair is out of there! And we are down to four!

DT: Still in contention are Cameron Cruise, Rocko Daymon, Malcolm Joseph-Jones and – I wouldn’t believe it if I weren’t seeing it – Aaron Jones!

DM: Each man retreats to a corner, plotting his next move. Without Flair as a common enemy, I’m sure that brief alliance will deteriorate quickly.

DT: What is MJ2 doing?

MN: I’ll tell you what he’s doing! He’s deciding who his next victim will be by playing eenie-meenie-miney-moe!

DT: You’re right, it does look like he’s planning his next move that way!

MN: That’s how MJ2 operates! He knows he can take out any of these other contenders, and it doesn’t matter at all to him who goes first! And look who “moe” just landed on!

DM: MJ2’s picked his target, and it’s Jones! He’s still got his finger pointed at a nervous-looking Jones as he saunters toward him!

MN: MJ2 promised he would take Jones down if Jones got in his way, and we saw Jones do just that mere moments ago! MJ2 is a man who keeps his promises!

DT: MJ2 goes to grab Jones, but Jones slides between his legs! MJ2 with another attempt, and Jones rolls out of the way! If MJ2 wants Jones, he’s going to have to catch him first!

DM: And over on the other side of things, Daymon and Cruise are now trading blows! Cruise catches Daymon with an elbow that spins him around, and is looking for a reverse Reality Check, but Daymon frees himself with an elbow of his own! Daymon hooks Cruise – Russian legsweep!

DT: Daymon rolls through, looking for another one, and it connects! Another roll-through, and a third Russian legsweep by Daymon knocks the Crippler for a loop!

DM: Jones, now, nailing MJ2 with kicks to the legs, trying to chip away at his much larger opponent’s vertical base! But MJ2 just shoves Jones away!

MN: There’s no way Jones can compete with the power of MJ2!

DM: No doubt MJ2 is bigger and stronger than Jones, but we nearly saw the scrappy young competitor eliminate MJ2 a minute or two ago, so I wouldn’t count him out if I were you! Jones off the ropes, MJ2 looking for a spinebuster, but Jones rolls over the back into a sunset flip! Rolls through – and Jones with a dropkick right to the face of MJ2!

DT: Jones to the second rope as MJ2 gets to his feet, and a diving neckbreaker by Jones!

DM: Daymon is trying to hook Cruise up for the Brain Rocker, but Cruise fights out with shots to the midsection, hooks the arms himself and connects with a double underhook suplex!

DT: MJ2 is back up, and Jones looking for a savate kick!

MN: But MJ2 catches the foot! MJ2 spins Jones around, a goozle – and a huge chokebreaker!

DT: MJ2 signals that it’s all over for Jones – he’s looking for the Greatness Buster!

DM: Cruise gets a running start at a recovering Daymon, but Daymon gets a foot up in the corner! Kick to the midsection of a stunned Cruise, and a double-arm DDT!

DT: MJ2’s got Jones up for the Greatness Buster, but Jones is fighting to get free! Jones wriggles out – and counters into a DDT!

MN: How on earth did he escape that?

DM: Daymon over to Jones, kick to the midsection is blocked by Daymon, and an enzuigiri by Jones!

DT: Jones now springs to the top rope! He’s taking a big risk here – and it pays off in a missile dropkick to Cruise! Jones is rolling here!

MN: Yeah, well, a rolling Jones can’t roll forever!

DM: That was a terrible pun, Mike, as MJ2 gets back to his feet! Jones off the ropes, and he takes MJ2’s head off with a Pele kick!

DT: Jones brings MJ2 to his feet and over to the ropes! Can he eliminate his one-time tag team partner?

DM: Jones charges – and MJ2 hiptosses him right over the top! Jones is gone!

DT: No! Jones still managed to hang on! MJ2 thinks he got him! Jones back up on the apron, springboards into the ring as MJ2 turns around—

MN: And MJ2 spears him right out of the air! He just about cut Jones in half with that spear!

DT: MJ2 picks Jones up into a military press – and sends Jones all the way down to the floor! Jones has been eliminated!

MN: Ha ha! There was nothing for him to hang onto that time!

DM: Cruise is back to his feet, and MJ2 levels him with another devastating spear!

MN: He just got some payback for that Reality Check earlier!

DM: Daymon is pulling himself up after that enzuigiri from Jones, and MJ2 is lining him up for a third spear!

DT: Speaking of Jones, we’ve got a couple of trainers checking him out on the floor, as that was a nasty spill he just took to the outside. With the ring elevation and the height of MJ2, that had to be at least a 10-foot fall.

MN: What the…? Is that Poison Ivy with them? What in the world is she doing out here?

DT: You’re right, that is Poison Ivy! Managers were barred from ringside for this battle royal, so she didn’t come out here with Eli Flair, but she seems to have taken an interest in the well-being of Aaron Jones.

DM: Inside the ring, though, MJ2 with the spear – but Daymon leapfrogs him and MJ2 stumbles forward into the turnbuckle. MJ2 back to his feet, Daymon off the ropes and it’s Daymon who nails MJ2 with a spear! And Daymon lays into MJ2 with right hands!

DT: Daymon brings MJ2 up, Irish whip is reversed, but Daymon pulls MJ2 in and hoists him up into a fireman’s carry – backbreaker! MJ2 brought back up to his feet, and a T-bone suplex by Daymon puts him down again!

MN: Daymon’s got the momentum, but maybe he’s forgotten he doesn’t need to pin MJ2, he needs to throw him over the top rope!

DM: I don’t think Daymon’s forgotten, Mike, as he grabs MJ2 and looks to toss him out right now! But MJ2 blocks the attempt, grabs the arm and drops Daymon with a short-arm clothesline!

DT: Daymon contemptuously drags Daymon to his feet, standing headscissors – he’s looking for a piledriver – and he hits it!

DM: MJ2 scoops up Daymon and looks to dump him out – but Daymon pulls MJ2 with him! Both men go over the top and onto the apron!

MJ2: You have to be impressed that MJ2, as big as he is, was able to hang on there! It looked like Daymon might have him!

DT: Daymon rolls in under the bottom rope with MJ2 still on the apron. Daymon with right hands to MJ2, but MJ2’s clinging tight to the top rope, and a shoulder to the midsection by MJ2! MJ2 hooks up Daymon – he’s looking to suplex him to the outside!

DM: But Daymon blocks it, and he suplexes MJ2 back into the ring!

MN: What on earth is he thinking? This is just more evidence that MJ2 is the only one with enough brains to win this match!

DT: Daymon with a roll backward, and he grabs the legs of MJ2! He could be looking for the Tacoma Cloverleaf!

DM: But MJ2 kicks him off! MJ2’s back to his feet, charges at Daymon, Daymon looking for a spinebuster – but MJ2 blocks it and hooks the head! MJ2 with the Greatness Choke! The Greatness Choke is locked in!

MN: No submissions in this match, but if MJ2 can choke out Daymon, that’ll make him easy pickings!

DT: Daymon is struggling, but MJ2 has that hold cinched in tight! He may be fading!

DM: And Cruise with a kick to the head of MJ2! Cruise stomps away at MJ2; he can’t block the blows with both arms applying the Greatness Choke! And MJ2 breaks the hold!

DT: Cruise has the leg of MJ2 and he drags him away from Daymon! He’s looking for the Cruise Control, but MJ2 kicks him away!

MN: That’s not going to work any better for Cruise than it did for Daymon!

DT: Cruise over to MJ2, and MJ2 with a kick to the midsection! Irish whip by MJ2, lowers the head – and Cruise catches him with a high-impact DDT! Cruise rolls to his feet, and he’s waiting for MJ2!

MN: Come on, MJ2! One Reality Check is enough! Don’t let him hit it again!

DM: MJ2’s back to his feet, and Cruise with the Reality Check – but MJ2 grabs the top rope and Cruise crashes to the mat! MJ2 brings him up, and there’s a gutwrench suplex to the Crippler!

DT: MJ2 drags Cruise to his feet again and hooks the head and leg – here comes the Greatness Buster! He’s got Cruise up!

DM: But a chop-block by Daymon sends MJ2 to the mat with Cruise crashing right on top of him!

DT: Cruise is up to his feet, and Daymon scoops him up! Northern Lights bomb to Cruise!

MN: MJ2 is back up, too! Look out!

DT: Kick to the midsection by Daymon, and he hooks the arms! Here comes the Brain Rocker!

MN: No! MJ2 pulls his arms free, lifts up Daymon, and there’s a huge Alabama slam! Looks like it was Daymon who got his brain rocked!

DM: MJ2 picks up Daymon and tosses him out! Daymon is gone!

DT: No, wait! Daymon managed to hang on, and he pulls himself up on the apron!

MN: MJ2 didn’t miss it, though! MJ2 charges as Daymon gets to his feet!

DM: And Daymon low-bridges him to send MJ2 tumbling to the floor! MJ2 has been eliminated!

DT: MJ2 pounds the mat in frustration, but he’s out of there! And that means we’re down to two – the two men who will go one-on-one at Aggression 76 to determine who will receive an EPW Title shot at Wrestleverse V!

DM: Our top contenders are set, but the match must go on as there must be a winner! Daymon steps back into the ring as Cruise gets to his feet, and the two men lock eyes!

DT: They’ve locked eyes, but both men’s eyes are drifting upward – up to the Wrestleverse V banner hanging from the rafters! Clearly, Cameron Cruise and Rocko Daymon know what’s at stake here tonight!

DM: Cruise and Daymon now circling each other, trying to figure out how to get the upper hand.

MN: Oh, quit circling! If nobody I wanted to win is going to win, just get it over with!

DT: Lock-up in the center of the ring! Daymon with a side headlock, but Cruise with a go-behind and an arm lock! Daymon with a snap mare brings Cruise down to the mat, and a chinlock by Daymon, but Cruise is up to his feet! Cruise backs into the ropes and now with a whip to Daymon, Daymon on the rebound runs into a shoulderblock! Cruise off the ropes, Daymon misses with a clothesline, Cruise from the other side and he takes Daymon down with a flying clothesline!

DM: Cruise has got to be just about out of energy, but he’s still going up to the top rope! This is a hell of a risk in a battle royal! Daymon to his feet – and Cruise connects with a beautiful missile dropkick!

DT: Cruise is signaling that this one is over as Daymon gets back to his feet! Cruise looking for the Reality Check – but Daymon takes him down at the legs! Daymon hooks the legs – Tacoma Cloverleaf! Tacoma Cloverleaf locked in!

MN: There are no submissions in a battle royal! How is this going to help?

DM: Mike, you were praising MJ2 for the same strategy just a couple minutes ago! Cruise is struggling mightily, but Daymon has the Tacoma Cloverleaf locked in tight, and there are no rope breaks to save Cruise in this type of match!

DT: Cruise looks to be fading as Daymon wrenches on the hold! He’s trying to fight his way out, but after this grueling match, he might not have the energy to do it! Cruise lifting himself up on the mat – but he sinks back down again! Cruise may be out!

DM: And Daymon releases the hold! He’s trying to drag Cruise to his feet, but Cruise is dead weight!

MN: And at almost 270 pounds, that’s a lot of dead weight to lift! I’m not sure Daymon thought this one through!

DM: Daymon’s got Cruise up, if only about halfway, and he’s lugging him to the ropes! Daymon grabs the leg of Cruise and lifts him over! Cruise is out!

MN: No, Cruise landed on the apron! Cruise rolls back in the ring! Daymon thinks he got him!

DT: Daymon turns around, and it’s Cruise who takes him down at the legs! Cruise looking for the Cruise Control – and he’s got it!

DM: A sudden burst of energy by Cruise, and now he’s turned the tables on Daymon! Will it be enough to wear Daymon down? Does Cruise have enough left in the tank to keep the hold locked in?

MN: Daymon’s got to be running on empty, too! He’s trying to fight out, just as Cruise was, but keep in mind Cruise has about 40 pounds on him, so it’s not going to be easy!

DT: Daymon is trying to drag himself to the ropes; he’s not going to be able to get a rope break, but if he can use them for support or roll out of the ring, he can still escape the hold! But Cruise isn’t letting up on the Cruise Control, and Daymon’s progress is getting steadily slower!

MN: Daymon’s stopped moving! He’s done!

DM: Cruise releases the hold, and now he’s dragging Daymon to his feet! Cruise doesn’t have as much weight to lift, but he just took a turn in the Tacoma Cloverleaf not long ago, so he’s just as shaky as Daymon was! Cruise gets Daymon up – and tosses him out!

DT: But Daymon landed on the apron! Daymon’s back in the ring! Cruise spots him and charges – backdrop by Daymon takes Cruise over the top! He’s out of there!

MN: No he’s not! Cruise somehow managed to hang on! He’s going up to the top rope!

DM: But Daymon’s not going to let him get there! Daymon with shots to the midsection to stop whatever Cruise had planned! Now Daymon’s climbing up with him!

DT: This is a precarious position for both men as they slug it out on the top rope! A hard enough shot from either man could send the other to the floor and win this thing in a heartbeat – but who will it be?

MN: Cruise has got Daymon dangling, but Daymon thunders back! Daymon hooks the head of Cruise aaaaaaaand – superplex!

DT: And both men are down! It’s a good thing there’s no 10-count in a battle royal either, because who knows if either of these men could make it?

DM: The crowd trying to cheer both competitors to their feet, and now Daymon is stirring! Now Cruise! They’re slow, they’re wobbly, but they’re both rising to their feet!

MN: What more do these two have to do to win this thing?

DT: Cruise with a right hand to Daymon! And Daymon returns in kind! It’s a slow slugfest as these two competitors try to call on whatever reserves they have left!

DM: Daymon with a kick to the midsection, and he hooks the arms, looking for the Brain Rocker! Cruise pulls his arms free and grabs Daymon for the Reality Check, but Daymon fights out with an elbow! Daymon with a knee to the midsection, and he looks for an Irish whip – reversed by Cruise!

DT: Daymon grabs the ropes to stop himself on the rebound, and Cruise charges in! Clothesline by Cruise sends Daymon over the top – and Daymon pulls Cruise with him!

MN: And yet they both manage to land on the apron! What’s it going to take?

DM: Daymon and Cruise are slugging it out precariously on the apron! Cruise seems to be getting the better of it, and he hooks Daymon!

MN: He’s going to give him a Reality Check straight to the floor!

DT: But Daymon is holding tight to the ropes! Daymon with a headbutt breaks Cruise’s grip! And Daymon with a hard kick to the midsection!

DM: Daymon double underhooks the arms! He can’t possibly—

MN: Brain Rocker to the floor by Daymon! Brain Rocker to the floor!

DT: A modified Brain Rocker by Daymon, as he managed to stay on the apron, but Cruise has been eliminated!

[SFX: Ding! Ding!]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner: Rockooooooooooo Daaaaayyyyyyymonnnnnnnn!

DM: What a battle we have been witness to tonight, as Rocko Daymon has overcome 13 other competitors to win an intense battle royal!

DT: You have to give credit to Cameron Cruise, though, for the performance he put on! It was certainly nothing short of impressive!

MN: And it’s not over, Dave! Daymon is the winner tonight, but the real battle is at Aggression 76, when he and Cruise will go one-on-one to determine who will enter the main event of Wrestleverse V as the fourth man!

DM: I would say, then, Mike, that the real battle will occur at Wrestleverse with the First, Impulse and Castor Strife in their respective corners, with the EPW Title on the line, but nevertheless, both of these competitors have something to be proud of as they prepare for their match-up at Aggression 76!

DT: And that’s when we’ll see you next, EPW fans! After an incredible evening capped off by an incredible battle royal, it’s time to say goodbye! For Mike Neely and Darren Matthews, I’m Dave Thomas! Good night!


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