SigilOfLeviBF
Terrance's #2 Fan
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(Open to page 19 of your local newspaper, and it says all this stuff...)
July 16-26, 2003
STONY BROOK FILM FESTIVAL
11 Days of Movie Magic.
Dozens of GROUNDBREAKING films that no one will hear of.
2 Exclusive Parties with film makers you'll pretend to care about.
1 Pass does it all!
** FESTIVAL PREMIERES INCLUDE **
AUTUMN SPRING- A Czech film in subtitles, so as to distract you from the mediocre dialogue, starring Vlastimil Brodsky, and uh, some other guys.
SHELTER ISLAND- An erotic thriller starring Stephen Baldwin and Alley Sheedy. Nothing says popcorn like the fusion of hard-ons and horror.
11'09"01 September 11- Eleven internationally acclaimed directors, including Sean Penn, respond to September 11th. Featuring Samira Makhmalbaf, Claude Lelouch, Youssef Chahine, Idrissa Ouedraogo, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, and a whole bunch of other people hailing from parts unknown, expanding their thoughts on America after 9-11 based on the four or five times they've visited.
BLUE BOYS- The latest masterpiece from the minds that brought you 'Cold Nights in the Bay Area', 'Bicycle Shorts', 'Rocky Mountain Hi, can I stay at your place tonight, Raul?', and 'Men Are From Mars, Boys Are From Venus'. Starring the artist formerly known as Sebastien, Trey Dingo, Mark Steel, and Fred Bundy. Directed by Castor V. Strife, with Executive Producer Benjamin Hernandez.
A $40 dollar FestPass guarantees you admittance to every Festival film. Don't miss out!
(Put the newspaper down)
(FADEIN: CASTOR V. STRIFE appears on stage at the Stony Brook film festival, Benjamin at his side wearing the mask of El Puta. Castor approaches the podium.)
CASTOR: Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, idiots...welcome to the world of Castor V. Strife. (Three people applaud) Today, much like my past three appearances at the festival, we will be premiering films that may be a bit too high-brow for people who don't read Nietzsche. But for those of you well read in the ways of the Zarathustra, let me begin by saying...
(Benjamin interrupts on the mic.)
BENJAMIN: IT WAS ON THE HIGH MEXICAN SEAS...!
(Castor pushes him away, causing the mic. to squeal loudly with feedback. Castor can barely be heard saying, "The f*ck are you doing idiot?" Benjamin replies, at a low volume, saying, "Just trying to tell the mythology of El Puta.")
CASTOR: In any event, brace yourselves; here is, Blue Boys!
(Lights go dim, the opening credits role, 'Boys Don't Cry' by The Cure cues up, and here we go...)
SEBASTIEN: How dare you play pattycake with another man!
FRED: It was only a game, Sebastien. A child's game.
SEBASTIEN: No less, I must now treat you like one. Shall I get the wooden-
(Projector shuts off, film is gone. Lights come on.)
CASTOR: Hey! HEY! The hell's going on? The film's not over! Who's head will I have?!
MAN FROM AUDIENCE: What the hell do we have to read Nietzsche for? This is garbage! It's softcore homo-erotic pornography!
CASTOR: Maybe; to the simple man, yes!
MAN: It's crap!
CASTOR: Well excuse me for not putting the film in LAY MAN'S TERMS! You belong watching phonetically altered films with the rest of the melon-headed down-syndrome-ites! In fact...give me! (Benjamin hands him a gas mask)
CASTOR: (Speaking heavily now) Andy Warhol said only a week ago that Blue Boys was to be, upon release, the rapture of the film industry, leaving nothing but ashes in its stead!
MAN: Andy Warhol's dead! And you're a hack!
CASTOR: Turn that projector back on; I demand it!
MAN: We're not turning anything on. Please leave the festival, Mr. V. Strife, or be escorted out! Go back to the wrestling ring, where you're somewhat welcomed!
(Benjamin jumps up in a fury)
BENJAMIN: YOU HAVE EARNED THE RAAAAAAAGE OF EL PUTA! AYYYYYYIYIYIYIYIYIYI! (Lunges at the man from the top of the stage.)
CASTOR: No, Benjamin!
(And chaos ensues. FTB)
July 16-26, 2003
STONY BROOK FILM FESTIVAL
11 Days of Movie Magic.
Dozens of GROUNDBREAKING films that no one will hear of.
2 Exclusive Parties with film makers you'll pretend to care about.
1 Pass does it all!
** FESTIVAL PREMIERES INCLUDE **
AUTUMN SPRING- A Czech film in subtitles, so as to distract you from the mediocre dialogue, starring Vlastimil Brodsky, and uh, some other guys.
SHELTER ISLAND- An erotic thriller starring Stephen Baldwin and Alley Sheedy. Nothing says popcorn like the fusion of hard-ons and horror.
11'09"01 September 11- Eleven internationally acclaimed directors, including Sean Penn, respond to September 11th. Featuring Samira Makhmalbaf, Claude Lelouch, Youssef Chahine, Idrissa Ouedraogo, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, and a whole bunch of other people hailing from parts unknown, expanding their thoughts on America after 9-11 based on the four or five times they've visited.
BLUE BOYS- The latest masterpiece from the minds that brought you 'Cold Nights in the Bay Area', 'Bicycle Shorts', 'Rocky Mountain Hi, can I stay at your place tonight, Raul?', and 'Men Are From Mars, Boys Are From Venus'. Starring the artist formerly known as Sebastien, Trey Dingo, Mark Steel, and Fred Bundy. Directed by Castor V. Strife, with Executive Producer Benjamin Hernandez.
A $40 dollar FestPass guarantees you admittance to every Festival film. Don't miss out!
(Put the newspaper down)
(FADEIN: CASTOR V. STRIFE appears on stage at the Stony Brook film festival, Benjamin at his side wearing the mask of El Puta. Castor approaches the podium.)
CASTOR: Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, idiots...welcome to the world of Castor V. Strife. (Three people applaud) Today, much like my past three appearances at the festival, we will be premiering films that may be a bit too high-brow for people who don't read Nietzsche. But for those of you well read in the ways of the Zarathustra, let me begin by saying...
(Benjamin interrupts on the mic.)
BENJAMIN: IT WAS ON THE HIGH MEXICAN SEAS...!
(Castor pushes him away, causing the mic. to squeal loudly with feedback. Castor can barely be heard saying, "The f*ck are you doing idiot?" Benjamin replies, at a low volume, saying, "Just trying to tell the mythology of El Puta.")
CASTOR: In any event, brace yourselves; here is, Blue Boys!
(Lights go dim, the opening credits role, 'Boys Don't Cry' by The Cure cues up, and here we go...)
SEBASTIEN: How dare you play pattycake with another man!
FRED: It was only a game, Sebastien. A child's game.
SEBASTIEN: No less, I must now treat you like one. Shall I get the wooden-
(Projector shuts off, film is gone. Lights come on.)
CASTOR: Hey! HEY! The hell's going on? The film's not over! Who's head will I have?!
MAN FROM AUDIENCE: What the hell do we have to read Nietzsche for? This is garbage! It's softcore homo-erotic pornography!
CASTOR: Maybe; to the simple man, yes!
MAN: It's crap!
CASTOR: Well excuse me for not putting the film in LAY MAN'S TERMS! You belong watching phonetically altered films with the rest of the melon-headed down-syndrome-ites! In fact...give me! (Benjamin hands him a gas mask)
CASTOR: (Speaking heavily now) Andy Warhol said only a week ago that Blue Boys was to be, upon release, the rapture of the film industry, leaving nothing but ashes in its stead!
MAN: Andy Warhol's dead! And you're a hack!
CASTOR: Turn that projector back on; I demand it!
MAN: We're not turning anything on. Please leave the festival, Mr. V. Strife, or be escorted out! Go back to the wrestling ring, where you're somewhat welcomed!
(Benjamin jumps up in a fury)
BENJAMIN: YOU HAVE EARNED THE RAAAAAAAGE OF EL PUTA! AYYYYYYIYIYIYIYIYIYI! (Lunges at the man from the top of the stage.)
CASTOR: No, Benjamin!
(And chaos ensues. FTB)