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Columbus Riptide 02


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
SW Chicago
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jul-09-03 AT 07:49 PM (EST)](FADEIN on a hallway backstage. Jared Justice appears, heading down the hallway, his back to the camera. Justice is muttering angrily, apparently upset by his loss)

ROSS (V/O): “Folks, welcome back to Riptide! We just saw Cameron Cruise score a major upset over that man, Jared Justice.”

WISEMAN (V/O): “Justice put on a great showing, but Cruise managed to stay one step ahead of him. You can’t win ‘em all, Tony.”

(Justice stops, turning towards his dressing room door. He yanks the door open, and as he does a huge plume of flame shoots out, whiting out the camera for a moment. Justice flings himself to the side, just managing to avoid the flames)


WISEMAN (V/O): “It looks like someone is trying to send Jared Justice a message, but Justice could have been seriously hurt.”

(Justice regains his feet and strides into the dressing room, swatting out the few remaining flames with his bare hands. We catch a glimpse of a lit Zippo lighter and an aerosol can balanced on a chair just behind the door, and a clever system of ropes and pulleys rigged to the doorknob.)

ROSS (V/O): “Someone obviously took great care in planning this and getting it set in place.”

(Justice grabs the aerosol can. A note is taped to the can, written in bold, slashing Magic Marker strokes. As Justice turns, we get a good look at the note, which reads: “The FLAME is RAGING at you, Justice.” Justice throws the can with a yell, kicks over the chair and storms into the dressing room, slamming the door shut behind him. CUT-TO: Ross and Wiseman at the announce table)

ROSS: “Folks, we just witnessed a sickening attack on Jared Justice backstage moments ago.”

WISEMAN: “Someone took great care in setting up that trap for Jared Justice. What does it all mean?”

ROSS: “I know one thing, Rick. Justice isn’t going to forget about this any time soon. Folks, let’s go to Matt Faley at ringside.”

FALEY: “The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first … (CUEUP: Baba O’Riley – The Who) … from DETROIT, Michigan, at a total combined weight of SIX hundred FIFTY pounds and accompanied by “General” Johnny Wildside, they are MMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAJORRRRRRRR IIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMPAAAAAAAAAAAACT!”

(Major Impact and Johnny Wildside make their appearance at the top of the ramp to a chorus of boos. Ric and Jon are dressed in matching blue and red trunks and warm-up jackets. Wildside makes some noise at the crowd as Ric and Jon slide into the ring)

FALEY: “And their opponents … (CUEUP: “Wipeout” – Beach Boys) … making their way down the aisle, from the … “totally shreddin’ waves” of Chicago, Illinois and weighing in at a total combined weight of FOUR hundred SIXTY pounds, “Aloha” Alex Hand and “Hang Ten” Harold Haggler, the OAK STREEEEET BEAAAAAAAAAAAACH PAAAAAAAAAATRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOLLLLL!”

(Hand and Haggler make their way to the ring, clad in unbuttoned Ocean Pacific shirts, Umbro shorts, and flip-flops. They get a nice pop from the crowd, more than a few of the fans letting out a HOOOOOOOOOT as the OSBP roll into the ring)

ROSS: “Oak Street Beach Patrol, Major Impact, and “General” Johnny Wildside at ringside! Here we go!”

WISEMAN: “The OSBP have been in something of a slump in recent weeks, Ross. They’re gonna have to go all out to secure a victory over Major Impact tonight. Haggler and Hand just haven’t been getting it done in the ring.”

ROSS: “True, Rick. But anything can happen in the world of professional wrestling. Harold Haggler and Jon Savage are going to start things off here, ladies and gentlemen. Jon Savage is offering Haggler a test of strength, and Haggler’s just standing there, a sort of … mellow smile on his face.”

WISEMAN: “Haggler would have to be a fool to accept the test of strength from Savage.”

ROSS: “But aren’t Hand and Haggler the bigger men?”

WISEMAN: “Well, yeah, but when it comes to raw strength, I think Major Impact has the advantage.”

ROSS: “Apparently Harold Haggler’s no fool! Haggler with a boot to the gut of Savage. Haggler now, off the far ropes with a shoulderblock, but Jon Savage hardly blinks. Savage is asking Haggler if that’s all he’s got, and Harold Haggler is just giving him that mellow little smile again.”

WISEMAN: “Haggler is telling Savage to hang loose, but I think Haggler’s about to get mauled!”

ROSS: “Harold Haggler is trying to pacify Jon Savage, but OHHHHH! Haggler was lulling Savage, and just unloaded on the chest of Jon Savage with a knife-edge chop! (SFX: WHOOO!) Haggler now, laying in with a series of rights, but Savage isn’t flinching! Right by Haggler, blocked by Savage. Savage with an Irish whip, Haggler off the ropes, and Savage plants Haggler with a BIG powerslam!”

WISEMAN: “That rattled Haggler’s teeth, and this match might already be over!”

ROSS: “Savage into the cover, hooks the leg, ONE, TWO, but Haggler gets the shoulder up! Harold Haggler rolls to the outside, trying to shake the cobwebs off. Jon Savage now, getting in the ref’s face. Savage is saying it was a three count, but the ref is arguing that Haggler got the shoulder up.”

WISEMAN: “Look at this! Savage has the ref distracted, and here comes the General!”

ROSS: “Johnny Wildside just blindsided Harold Haggler! Wildside with some stiff rights, and now he’s helping Haggler back into the ring with a handful of tights! “Aloha” Alex Hand in to make the save, but the damage is done and Wildside hightails it outta there!”

WISEMAN: “You’ve always gotta keep on your toes against Major Impact! Any distraction at all is enough to bring the General into play. What a devious group of individuals.”

ROSS: “Jon Savage over to his corner, making the tag to his identical twin Ric Savage.”

WISEMAN: “The fact that they’re twins opens all kinds of opportunities for Major Impact to play dirty. We’ve seen them use that fact to their advantage many times, and they’re not likely to squander an opportunity to take the low road.”

ROSS: “Haggler is crawling to his corner for the tag, but Ric Savage stops him cold with some boots to the head. Savage now bringing Haggler up, front facelock by Savage, and a beautiful vertical suplex brings Haggler crashing to the mat.”

WISEMAN: “Harold Haggler’s been in there for quite a while now, Tony. He’s gonna need to make the tag soon, I don’t know how much he’s got left.”

ROSS: “Haggler is down, and here comes Ric. Ric Savage into the cover, hooks the leg, ONE, TWO, but Haggler got the shoulder up. Savage rolls off in disgust, and Haggler is slowly climbing to his feet. Haggler shaking off the cobwebs, Ric Savage is bearing down on him, but Haggler brings him up short with a thumb to the eye! (SFX: Crowd pops) Right hand by Haggler! Left by Haggler! And a right! And another! Savage is staggered, and Harold Haggler brings the big man down with a beautiful standing dropkick!” (SFX: Big pop!)

WISEMAN: “There’s life in Harold Haggler yet! Haggler’s got the big man down, and he’s gotta go for the tag if the OSBP is gonna stay in this match!”

ROSS: “Haggler making his way over to his corner. Hand’s reaching for the tag, hooting for all he’s worth! (SFX: HOOOOOOT! HOOOOOOOT!) But look at this! Haggler made the tag to Hand, but “General” Johnny Wildside is on the apron! The ref is distracted by Wildside, and he didn’t see the tag! Savage is back on his feet, but here comes Hand! Alex Hand is bearing down on Ric Savage, and he’s boiling mad! Hand unloading on Savage with a flurry of rights and lefts, but the referee stops him! The ref never saw the tag, and he’s gonna force Alex Hand back to the apron.”

WISEMAN: “What an unfortunate turn of events for the Oak Street Beach Patrol. Hand, the fresh man, got the tag, but the ref didn’t see it. That’s why it’s so important and such a big factor for Major Impact to have “General” Johnny Wildside in their corner. A good manager can help to turn the tide of any match in an instant.”

ROSS: “Ric Savage has recovered, and he’s keeping Harold Haggler isolated. Alex Hand is back out on the apron, hooting like a madman! (SFX: HOOOOOOOOT!) Savage is pummeling Haggler with a punishing series of rights and lefts, and Haggler looks like he’s in pretty bad shape. Wildside has still got the referee distracted, and here comes Jon Savage in for the double team. The brothers Savage setting Harold Haggler up, Irish whip, Haggler into the ropessssssss AAAAAAAAANNNNNNND OHHHHHHH! Jon Savage caught Haggler with a spinning back suplex right into a neckbreaker by Ric Savage! Ric Savage … at least I think it’s Ric … has just slid out of the ring. “General” Johnny Wildside finally gets off of the apron, and here comes the ref. Jon Savage is going to work on the decimated Harold Haggler, and he’s not the legal man. The referee can’t tell the difference, though, and he’s letting it slide.”

WISEMAN: “As I’ve said before, Major Impact has got a couple of incredibly strong assets in Johnny Wildside and in the fact that they’re identical twins. I just don’t see a way out of this for the Oak Street Beach Patrol after the abuse that Haggler has just suffered. Haggler has been in the ring waaaaayyyyy too long.”

ROSS: “I agree, he desperately needs to make the tag, but Ric ...or Jon … well, whichever he is, Savage isn’t leaving him any room to breathe. Savage bringing Haggler back up now, but OH! Haggler snuck in with a golata, and I don’t think the ref saw it!”

WISEMAN: “Harold Haggler just brought in the great equalizer, the nutshot. He’d better get to his corner and bring in the fresh man.”

ROSS: “And indeed, Haggler is scrambling for the corner, and he gets the tag! (SFX: Crowd pops) The referee saw it this time, and here comes Alex Hand! (SFX: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!) Hand charges Jon Savage, but Savage flattens him with a big clothesline. Savage quickly takes a mounted position, battering Hand with hard rights and lefts. Hand I covering up as best he can, but Savage is wailing away at the head of Alex Hand. Hand is getting battered, but here comes Haggler! Haggler with a running dropkick right to the mush of Jon Savage, and he just bought “Aloha” Alex a few minutes. Haggler back to the outside, and he’s met by Wildside! “General” Johnny Wildside is taking advantage of a weakened Haggler on the outside, while Hand and Jon Savage struggle to regain their feet inside the ring. Hand now, taking the offense against Jon Savage. Hand is laying into Savage with a series of lefts and rights, rocking the big man back. Irish whip by Hand, Savage into the ropes, Hand drops the head for a backdrop, but Savage was ready for it and caught Alex Hand with a swinging neckbreaker! Hand is stunned! Savage is bringing Hand back to his feet, and thinks don’t look good for “Aloha” Alex Hand! Boot to the gut by Savage, Savage pulling Hand in … OHHHHH MYYYYY! JUMPING PILEDRIVER!”

WISEMAN: “Jon Savage just smashed Hand’s head like a melon, and I think he’s out! Ric Savage is on the outside, working Harold Haggler over along with the General, and I think this match is over.”

ROSS: “Jon Savage into the cover, he isn’t even bothering to hook the leg. Haggler’s not going to be able to get into the ring in time, and the ref drops into the count. One, two, three, and this one’s in the bag.” (SFX: DING DING DING!)


(Ric, Jon, and the General roll back into the ring, raising each other’s hands in victory. The crowd explodes, showering the trio with derision. They soak it up, talking trash back to the fans as Haggler collects Alex Hand. The Oak Street Beach Patrol limp back up the aisle, fans patting them on the back as they go)

WISEMAN: “The OSBP put up a token resistance tonight, and it sure wasn’t enough to overcome the strength and dirty tactics of Major Impact.”

ROSS: “Ric and Jon Savage, under the tutelage of “General” Johnny Wildside are definitely a force to be reckoned with in the GLCW tag-team ranks. Folks, we’ll be right back.”

(CUT-TO: M.W. Grossard in the back putting makeup on, standing in front of one of those mirrors with light-bulbs all around it)

(FADE TO: commercial)

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