The scene opens inside a living room. Not just any living room, this living room is inside of Mike Evers' house, one of the newest EPW superstars. Of course, Mike is sitting on a nice recliner, with a glass of milk, which he sips. He is reading a Danielle Steel novel. He is dressed in a sweater and track pants, and is wearing his reading glasses. He puts the book aside and begins to speak.
Mike Evers: Hello. I was enjoying the book, but I always have time to introduce myself to my new fans... well actually, I'd like to call you all my friends. You don't just admire me - I admire you. Without you, I would not have this job. Let's get straight down to business. My name is Michael Evers, but if you like, you can call me Mike! I go by the moniker "Da Bomb." I know I don't look like someone named "Da Bomb," because I am a Caucasian male. It all started in California Championship Wrestling, where I was the holder of the California Championship Wrestling Championship. I was taking on this guy by the name of Desmond Petrie. I was going to finish him off with my patented powerbomb - which I have now named "Da Powerbomb" - but he was able to counter it into a submission hold. The promoter, who I could name but I won't, was at ringside and he called for the bell. After the match, I accidentally spit on him and while I was apologizing, I told him I was curious about why he ended the match prematurely. He told me I was "the bomb of the company" and he didn't ever want to see my expletive deleted face ever again. I didn't understand why he didn't want to see his top star or "bomb" ever again, but I decided to use that as my name.
In walks a man dressed like a cowboy, with a big oversized cowboy hat.
Man: Howdy. He speaks in a Southern accent.
Mike Evers: Hi, I was just explaining to my new friends how I got my name. Everyone, this is Wisconsin Bill. He is a controversial fellow, for many reasons. First and foremost - he is willing to speak his mind. He will not hold back from saying a few colorful words.
Bill sits in a recliner beside Mike, cracking open a can of Old Milwaukee.
Mike Evers: Just to let you know, I ordinarily wouldn't let anyone drink an alcoholic beverage during a promo of mine, but because you are my manager, Wisconsin Bill, and I respect you more than I respect... umm, well, a criminal, I will allow it. Not that I don't respect criminals, as I feel that they have done wrong and deserve a chance to be forgiven. I just respect you at a higher level than them.
Wisconsin Bill: $&*!, I'm touched.
Mike Evers: Fortunately, I have made sure that the censors are on their toes whenever he is on camera. We don't want any trouble from anyone who might get offended, do we?
Wisconsin Bill: You're #%^&in' me.
Mike Evers: Another controversial fact about Wisconsin Bill is his name. What about it? Well, you might think his given name is "Wisconsin." That is not the case. He was born "William," and goes by Bill. I'd say not having a last name is pretty -- Bill?
Wisconsin Bill: Damn...
Mike Evers: Pretty -- what he said -- controversial.
Mike sips his milk.
Mike Evers: The next question everyone must be asking is why, Mike? Why have you come to Empire Pro Wrestling?
Wisconsin Bill: Well, I'd say that's pretty obvious. The bling bling!
Mike Evers: The what?
Wisconsin Bill: Money, Mike.
Mike Evers: Money? Money is not important to me. More important than money is friends. Special people. People who can warm my heart, like all you have already started to do.
Wisconsin Bill: That's sweet.
Mike Evers: The most special of which, to me... and to the whole promotion... is its champion. The Empress of EPW... "The Queen of the Ring"... Lindsay Troy. What's that, you say? Yes, I can hear what you're saying behind your TV sets... She's evil. You're a good guy, aren't you, Mike? You can't be friends with an evil person! Well, first off, I am not friends with her yet. She has not accepted me into her circle of friends, but I am hopeful she will once she meets me. Anyway, yes, I am good, and I will not change my ways of life. I am a sensitive, loving, fun, trusting and trustworthy, honest, God-loving man. However, I've been in this industry long enough to know how people work. She's not actually evil, she's just so good at doing it - at getting that negative reaction from you, my friends, that she does it to make money. There is nothing wrong with that. Inside and in reality, I know she is really a warm-hearted individual who loves her family and friends, which again includes all of you!
Wisconsin Bill: I feel special.
Mike Evers: That brings me to my goal in Empire Pro.
Wisconsin Bill: The World title, of course!
Mike Evers: Well, not exactly. That would be my secondary goal. My primary goal is to wrestle the beautiful, the intelligent, the sultry Ms. Troy.
Wisconsin Bill: Kill two birds with one stone, she's the champ!
Mike Evers: Shakes his head Mnnn, mnn. No, no, no. That has nothing to do with it. I don't care about her being the champion... I want to wrestle her because I have the utmost respect for her as a wrestler, and I'm sure as a person aswell. Besides, that's my long-term goal, and I am willing to prove myself before ascending upon the top of Empire Pro Wrestling, and I will do that by using my superb technical abilities and my excellent in-ring psychology. I am a veteran pro-wrestler, although admittedly a good portion of my career has taken place of trampolines - on which I am undefeated.
Wisconsin Bill: But not in the ring.
Mike Evers: Well, not exactly. For instance, the best run I had in my career was in the WOW, short for Wild Outlaw Wrestling. It lives up to the name, because it makes you say "WOW!" Anyway, while I was there I received my two top accolades to date - number two, winning the WOW Television Championship and number one, wrestling my idol Mike Wilson in the WOWDome, infront of a packed crowd... 70,000 to be exact.
Wisconsin Bill: That's an estimate, not an exact number!
Mike Evers: Actually, no... It's exact!
Wisconsin Bill: WOW!
Mike Evers: Anyway, he ended up getting the better of me. It was a non-title match, as he was the WOW Champion, but like I said with Ms. Troy, it didn't bother me in the least. It was the best day of my life. Better than when I graduated from University. Better than my most satisfying religious experiences on my Sundays at church. Better than everything.
Wisconsin Bill: Holy $&*%! That's amazing.
Mike Evers: And my reason for wanting to wrestling Ms. Troy here in the EPW is to not only duplicate that day, but to exceed it.
Wisconsin Bill: You have... a crush on her?
Bill chugs the rest of the beer out of his beer can, and crushes the can with his hand.
Mike Evers: Do I like her? Yes. But only as a friend - well, if she'll let me. It's not that I have anything against her looks or more importantly her personality, but I just feel there are people more worthy than me to be in that position and be that lucky man.
Wisconsin Bill: Enough about her. What about your match?
Mike Evers: Well, I am wrestling at the very first EPW Onslaught, a show which was generously created for people like me and my opponent, Mike Diamond. Mr. Diamond, I'd like you to know something; I respect you.
Wisconsin Bill: Do you know him?
Mike Evers: No.
Wisconsin Bill: Then why do you respect him?
Mike takes a sip of milk.
Mike Evers: I respect him because he has not done anything for me to feel otherwise. Mr. Diamond, I look forward to wrestling you, and having a fair wrestling match, displaying both of us at our best and our wrestling abilities. I hope the respect is mutual and I hope we can make the first EPW Onslaught... a memorable one. I'm "Da Bomb" Mike Evers, and it was nice to meet you all. Thank you for your time.
Mike takes yet another sip of milk, picks up his novel and the scene fades to black.
