Colin
The best handler ever since 2012: He is a gem
Dickwood: In this era of hope and change, a black man can be President but Phil Atken still can't get on a Supercrash.
Helga: VHILLE WAS VERY UPSET!
Dickwood: Lets look at this seriously, the legitimate number one contender to the NFW World Heavyweight Championship wasn't even good enough to be a LUMBERJACK? Is that what we are seriously ****ing looking it? I'm expect to make my most valued client eat that **** sandwich?
Helga: I try it once, not tasty.
Dickwood: Thank you Helga.
Helga: You want try?
Dickwood: No.
Helga: Oh.
At this point, one Dr. Phil Atken, PhD, enters the room looking like he had just rolled out his bed and directly in to the door, but the door was locked so he smashed his face in to it, then to realised it was pull not push door and managed to stumble his way in to the room. Both Dirk and Helga got very tense and nervous at this development.
Atken: Are you guys recording something?
Dickwood: Just some local advertisements for my talent agency.
Atken: Can I help out?
Dickwood: Why would we waste you beautiful face on puny local advertising? Yours is a face and voice for National, you know that Philmeister!
Atken: I do?
Helga: YOU DO VHILLE! NOW YOU GO WASH HELGA'S HELMET!
Atken: Eurgh, that thing still has bits of David Noble embedded in it and they've went rancid. Plus there's a three months old sandwich in there and its went this really odd shade of brown.
Dickwood: Do what your mother tells you Phil. I learned that the hard way. Fifty times. Anyway, it would have been cleaned earlier if you would actually get booked anywhere.
Atken: But weren't you just saying...
Helga: GO CLEAN NOW.
Phil slouches out the door. Dickwood pours himself a whisky out of his mister fancy pants crystal decanter and lights himself a comically large cigar.
Dickwood: Kids these days.
Helga: He try so hard.
Dickwood: Now given the recent developments that have happened in this company I thought that as the voice of Dirk Dickwood's Totally Awesome Talent Agency (A Rapidly Expanding Company), I should certainly offer my valued insight into this tricky dicky situation.
Dickwood: I applaud President Mayfield's actions to a certain extent. Both myself and Phil have went on the record in the past as stating Nova was a danger to this company and should be locked away. Being a ****ing cripple is just as good in my book, because if the Johnny Q. Law won't do his god damn job I'm glad that someone went and did it. That man had shown nothing but disregard for his body, his competitors bodies and the crowd as a whole for at least my entire tenure here in NFW. He had to be stopped and I'm glad someone showed a sense of civic duty and finally stepped in to do something about it.
Helga: I tried once but room was too smoky.
Dickwood: I also applaud President Mayfield's decision to remove posesstion of the belt from one certain Joe T. Plumber, especially now that Mr. Plumber is doing such a fine upstanding honourable job as a journalistic reporter in Israel. We can't afford him wasting valued time worrying about silly old NFW title belts when he has stories to break.
Dickwood: Now, as I said a approve of all of this to an extent. That extent being while Mr. Joe Q. Israel may still technically be champion, Phil M. Atken should be champion. President Mayfield should have immediately handed the title belt over to the true number one contender and thusly by default the true champion, Lord Sexypants 2004 himself, Da P to da A. Sadly he has not done this and is yet to indicate that he will and that I find very disappointing. As an agent to the stars I have read at least three books on lawyerings and I will lawyer the pants of this company if the correct decision isn't made and I will legalese the hell out of this company until this grand injustice is retified. You do not mess around with Double D TATA's clients and you certainly don't jerk around Dirk Dickwood.
Helga: We're calling it that?
Dickwood: Patent pending.
Helga: VHILLE WAS VERY UPSET!
Dickwood: Lets look at this seriously, the legitimate number one contender to the NFW World Heavyweight Championship wasn't even good enough to be a LUMBERJACK? Is that what we are seriously ****ing looking it? I'm expect to make my most valued client eat that **** sandwich?
Helga: I try it once, not tasty.
Dickwood: Thank you Helga.
Helga: You want try?
Dickwood: No.
Helga: Oh.
At this point, one Dr. Phil Atken, PhD, enters the room looking like he had just rolled out his bed and directly in to the door, but the door was locked so he smashed his face in to it, then to realised it was pull not push door and managed to stumble his way in to the room. Both Dirk and Helga got very tense and nervous at this development.
Atken: Are you guys recording something?
Dickwood: Just some local advertisements for my talent agency.
Atken: Can I help out?
Dickwood: Why would we waste you beautiful face on puny local advertising? Yours is a face and voice for National, you know that Philmeister!
Atken: I do?
Helga: YOU DO VHILLE! NOW YOU GO WASH HELGA'S HELMET!
Atken: Eurgh, that thing still has bits of David Noble embedded in it and they've went rancid. Plus there's a three months old sandwich in there and its went this really odd shade of brown.
Dickwood: Do what your mother tells you Phil. I learned that the hard way. Fifty times. Anyway, it would have been cleaned earlier if you would actually get booked anywhere.
Atken: But weren't you just saying...
Helga: GO CLEAN NOW.
Phil slouches out the door. Dickwood pours himself a whisky out of his mister fancy pants crystal decanter and lights himself a comically large cigar.
Dickwood: Kids these days.
Helga: He try so hard.
Dickwood: Now given the recent developments that have happened in this company I thought that as the voice of Dirk Dickwood's Totally Awesome Talent Agency (A Rapidly Expanding Company), I should certainly offer my valued insight into this tricky dicky situation.
Dickwood: I applaud President Mayfield's actions to a certain extent. Both myself and Phil have went on the record in the past as stating Nova was a danger to this company and should be locked away. Being a ****ing cripple is just as good in my book, because if the Johnny Q. Law won't do his god damn job I'm glad that someone went and did it. That man had shown nothing but disregard for his body, his competitors bodies and the crowd as a whole for at least my entire tenure here in NFW. He had to be stopped and I'm glad someone showed a sense of civic duty and finally stepped in to do something about it.
Helga: I tried once but room was too smoky.
Dickwood: I also applaud President Mayfield's decision to remove posesstion of the belt from one certain Joe T. Plumber, especially now that Mr. Plumber is doing such a fine upstanding honourable job as a journalistic reporter in Israel. We can't afford him wasting valued time worrying about silly old NFW title belts when he has stories to break.
Dickwood: Now, as I said a approve of all of this to an extent. That extent being while Mr. Joe Q. Israel may still technically be champion, Phil M. Atken should be champion. President Mayfield should have immediately handed the title belt over to the true number one contender and thusly by default the true champion, Lord Sexypants 2004 himself, Da P to da A. Sadly he has not done this and is yet to indicate that he will and that I find very disappointing. As an agent to the stars I have read at least three books on lawyerings and I will lawyer the pants of this company if the correct decision isn't made and I will legalese the hell out of this company until this grand injustice is retified. You do not mess around with Double D TATA's clients and you certainly don't jerk around Dirk Dickwood.
Helga: We're calling it that?
Dickwood: Patent pending.