Mittens T. Cat
League Member
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2006
- Messages
- 109
- Points
- 0
As some of you may or may not know, Don King is bad. Like, Don King's so bad his mama slapped his mouth and he gave her herpes. That's how bad he is. Doing it with this man is basically playing Russian Roulette, only instead of getting your brains blown out you might have cold sores on your lips for the rest of your life.
That's why when you say Don King's name, God kills a retard and an angel cuts out its own tongue.
But lately, Don's been having a few drawbacks. He lost his car, thanks to Mittens driving it into San Diego Chicken's living room, who in turn drove Don King's other car through Mittens' living room. Don King didn't quite understand how exactly his cars got in the middle of this, but, then again, he hangs out with two people in clear need of desperate psychiatric help. Immediately!
Well, ok, not so much immediately, because Mittens could clearly see the pain in Don King's eyes. Those big, beautiful, brown eyes.
"Dude," Mittens began. "Like, I don't mean to be gay, like... don't get me wrong, I'm not queer. I live on Straight Street, on the corner of Heterosexual Boulevard, next to the Burger King... and like, if you've ever seen the King, you know he's pullin pu$$y left and right. Right? So like, yeah, dude, anyway, like... you look down. I don't mean to be gay, but like, what's wrong bro?"
Don King sighed, "Look catguy."
"Mittens."
"No thanks, I'm not hongry."
"...What?"
"Look, catguy... I appreciate you lettin' me know you don't be gay, but look where we at mang. We always hangin' out in... gay bars and sh*t. What duh f*ck you want me to do mang, stick my rod in one of dem boys' asshole? I need some pu$$y. Like, some of dat white girl vag... it's been too long."
"Like, how long?"
"Three days."
"..."
"What?"
"Hmm? Oh. Nothing." Mittens said, making sure to say so in such a way that it appeared that three days was, in fact, a long time for Mittens as well. "I know just the guy to help."
"Who?"
"Hitch."
"HITCH?"
"Hitch, my nigga."
"..."
"What?"
"You can't say that Mittens."
"...why not?"
"Why not? WHY NOT? You black?"
"No, but my best friend is."
"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. DOUBLE-YOU TEE EF YOU CRACKAMOTHAF**KAFNDFHYF894FDHIHDAKLSHFSLAH? I SHOULD PIMP SLAP YO MAMA! I SHOULD KICK YO DADDY'S ASS! I SHOULD TAKE YO GRANDMA, BEND HER OVER MY COFFEE TABLE AND F**K HER SO HARD IN THAT OLD ASS ASSHOLE OF HERS THAT EVEN YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN THE NEXT DAY! I SHOULD TAKE YOUR GRANDADDY, STICK HIS HEAD UP HIS OWN ASS, AND ASK HIM HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE HIS OWN HEAD IN HIS ASS!!! I SHOULD FIRE UP A GRILL, STICK YO SISTER ON IT, AND F*CK HER BURNING, BASICALLY DEAD BODY ANYWAY!!! I SHOUL--"
"Dude, you know half of that stuff you just yelled at me was completely unnecessary. I mean... that last part... it... it wasn't even funny. Like, I didn't even like, laugh... I just sort of... like... felt bad for my sister. Which is weird, cause I don't even have a sister."
"Oh." Don King did sort of feel bad. You could tell, because his face looked kindof like this:
"So do you want help or not?" Mittens asked.
"You sayin' I need to talk to Hitch, as in, Will Smith's character from that film, called Hitch, in which will Smith plays a character named Hitch, which happens to be the title of the movie called 'Hitch', that has Will Smith in it?"
"Yes."
"Sounds good. Yeah, really, sounds like a great and wonderful opportunity for me, you know. Talk to Hitch, he'll get me a white woman but you know there's something kind of wrong with that... like... think Mittens, what's wrong with that?"
"Wrong with what?"
"What's wrong with the idea of talking to Hitch?"
"Uhm... I thought it was a pretty goo--"
"IT'S A F**KING MOVIE, YOU CHINK!"
"I'm not a chink."
"Well what the hell are you?"
"Pretty."
"..."
"Anyway," Mittens continued. "I didn't mean Hitch, like, the movie, you idiot. I meant let's go find Will Smith."
Don King grinned, and put a cigar in his mouth. "Great idea Mitten."
"Mittens."
"No thanks, I'm not hongry."
"...That doesn't even make sense."
"Give it time, it's a running gag."
"F**k time. That's one thing we don't got! Now are you comin' or not you wilderbeast frankendick?"
"I'm in." Chuck Woolery said, walking upon the group with white powder all over his nose.
"Me too." San Diego Chicken said, who happened to be standing around the whole time without saying a word.
"Well I'm in, obv." Don King agreed.
So the foursome were set to go find Will Smith, so that Don King could bang a white girl.
"Obv?" Mittens asked.
"It's short for obviously. Like, 'obviously, Mittens is a virgin.'" SDC explained.
Chuck Woolery laughed, "ahahaha, you guys. Ha."
And all was right with the world.
...or was it?
That's why when you say Don King's name, God kills a retard and an angel cuts out its own tongue.
But lately, Don's been having a few drawbacks. He lost his car, thanks to Mittens driving it into San Diego Chicken's living room, who in turn drove Don King's other car through Mittens' living room. Don King didn't quite understand how exactly his cars got in the middle of this, but, then again, he hangs out with two people in clear need of desperate psychiatric help. Immediately!
Well, ok, not so much immediately, because Mittens could clearly see the pain in Don King's eyes. Those big, beautiful, brown eyes.
"Dude," Mittens began. "Like, I don't mean to be gay, like... don't get me wrong, I'm not queer. I live on Straight Street, on the corner of Heterosexual Boulevard, next to the Burger King... and like, if you've ever seen the King, you know he's pullin pu$$y left and right. Right? So like, yeah, dude, anyway, like... you look down. I don't mean to be gay, but like, what's wrong bro?"
Don King sighed, "Look catguy."
"Mittens."
"No thanks, I'm not hongry."
"...What?"
"Look, catguy... I appreciate you lettin' me know you don't be gay, but look where we at mang. We always hangin' out in... gay bars and sh*t. What duh f*ck you want me to do mang, stick my rod in one of dem boys' asshole? I need some pu$$y. Like, some of dat white girl vag... it's been too long."
"Like, how long?"
"Three days."
"..."
"What?"
"Hmm? Oh. Nothing." Mittens said, making sure to say so in such a way that it appeared that three days was, in fact, a long time for Mittens as well. "I know just the guy to help."
"Who?"
"Hitch."
"HITCH?"
"Hitch, my nigga."
"..."
"What?"
"You can't say that Mittens."
"...why not?"
"Why not? WHY NOT? You black?"
"No, but my best friend is."
"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. DOUBLE-YOU TEE EF YOU CRACKAMOTHAF**KAFNDFHYF894FDHIHDAKLSHFSLAH? I SHOULD PIMP SLAP YO MAMA! I SHOULD KICK YO DADDY'S ASS! I SHOULD TAKE YO GRANDMA, BEND HER OVER MY COFFEE TABLE AND F**K HER SO HARD IN THAT OLD ASS ASSHOLE OF HERS THAT EVEN YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN THE NEXT DAY! I SHOULD TAKE YOUR GRANDADDY, STICK HIS HEAD UP HIS OWN ASS, AND ASK HIM HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE HIS OWN HEAD IN HIS ASS!!! I SHOULD FIRE UP A GRILL, STICK YO SISTER ON IT, AND F*CK HER BURNING, BASICALLY DEAD BODY ANYWAY!!! I SHOUL--"
"Dude, you know half of that stuff you just yelled at me was completely unnecessary. I mean... that last part... it... it wasn't even funny. Like, I didn't even like, laugh... I just sort of... like... felt bad for my sister. Which is weird, cause I don't even have a sister."
"Oh." Don King did sort of feel bad. You could tell, because his face looked kindof like this:
"So do you want help or not?" Mittens asked.
"You sayin' I need to talk to Hitch, as in, Will Smith's character from that film, called Hitch, in which will Smith plays a character named Hitch, which happens to be the title of the movie called 'Hitch', that has Will Smith in it?"
"Yes."
"Sounds good. Yeah, really, sounds like a great and wonderful opportunity for me, you know. Talk to Hitch, he'll get me a white woman but you know there's something kind of wrong with that... like... think Mittens, what's wrong with that?"
"Wrong with what?"
"What's wrong with the idea of talking to Hitch?"
"Uhm... I thought it was a pretty goo--"
"IT'S A F**KING MOVIE, YOU CHINK!"
"I'm not a chink."
"Well what the hell are you?"
"Pretty."
"..."
"Anyway," Mittens continued. "I didn't mean Hitch, like, the movie, you idiot. I meant let's go find Will Smith."
Don King grinned, and put a cigar in his mouth. "Great idea Mitten."
"Mittens."
"No thanks, I'm not hongry."
"...That doesn't even make sense."
"Give it time, it's a running gag."
"F**k time. That's one thing we don't got! Now are you comin' or not you wilderbeast frankendick?"
"I'm in." Chuck Woolery said, walking upon the group with white powder all over his nose.
"Me too." San Diego Chicken said, who happened to be standing around the whole time without saying a word.
"Well I'm in, obv." Don King agreed.
So the foursome were set to go find Will Smith, so that Don King could bang a white girl.
"Obv?" Mittens asked.
"It's short for obviously. Like, 'obviously, Mittens is a virgin.'" SDC explained.
Chuck Woolery laughed, "ahahaha, you guys. Ha."
And all was right with the world.
...or was it?