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Dragon Assassin vs. El Martyr




Cut to a studio in the London Arena, adorned by a plain GXW backdrop. A table and chair have been set up before the backdrop - the chair is occupied by a slender figure in black garb reminiscent of a typical ninja. Most would recognize him as Dragon Assassin, a more recent addition to the cruiserweight division. He sits with his hands clasped before him on the table, his expression neutral.

"Konnichiwa, Great Sh*ttain," Dragon says, the mouth-hole of his mask revealing a broad smile. "Are you ready for another fun dose of your favorite big-in-Japan wrestling flying ace? ... That's what I thought." He frowns deeply. "You d*cks don't seem to appreciate everything I do for you. I got to be this good because of YOU people! I am this good to put YOUR @sses in seats and make you happy! Dammit, I am big in Japan! Because in Japan, they recognize talent! The rest of you Sh*ttish and American d*cks... well... your idea of top-tier talent is a fat camp dropout in spandex. Or a Mexican midget in a mask."

"Speaking of masked Mexican midgets, do you know what else I hate? Reruns. To steal a phrase from a popular American television show... BOO-URNS to the GXW front office for making me face El Martyr again. Why? Do you WANT the fans to turn off their television screens? Dammit, why not book me against someone like Hiroshi? Now THAT would draw ratings! But El Fartyr?"

Dragon Assassin raises one hand high, then drops it slowly back towards the table with an audible sound effect: "BEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww... Hear that? That's the sound of the ratings falling! ... But I'm nice, so I'll go ahead and promote this match."

"So, El Boring wants a rematch? Awwwww, El Boring. Did you take offense to me calling you a d*ck? Did you not like it when I told everyone how I had to make you look good the first time around because you really do suck? Aww... BOO F'IN' HOO!!! Everything I said was true true true. You ARE a d*ck, and you DO suck. I already proved that once. I'm going to prove it again. You know, since you haven't actually SAID ANYTHING, I don't know anything about you... but I CAN tell you something. You think you are the hot poop because you can wrestle lucha style? Well, I'm big in Japan. Are you big in Japan? No! You're small in Mexico, you d*ck! And with talent like yours, you never WILL be big. Anywhere. Well, maybe here in Great Sh*ttain... but let's face it. British people are used to sh*t, since their entire country is a big sh*thole. But anywhere else in the world? You'll never be big. ESPECIALLY not big in Japan like me. Don't believe me? Well, BOO-URNS. I guess I'll have to prove it to you."

"And with that said, El Stupid... I will see YOU in the ring."

Fade out...

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