EPW Wrestleverse II - Los Angeles, CA - 1/24/07

[DBrunkGXW]

The Epic Begins

Foxx was ever so slightly perturbed at the absence of questions from her latest opponent, Kenshiro Inogami. Fine, he didn't want answers? He wouldn't get any.

She lightly fluffed her face with makeup for the cameras, glancing disdainfully at the mirror as she sat at the tiny makeup stand before her. She really disliked makeup and hated applying it even more, but she wasn't about to have someone else do it for her. She'd do it herself and that was that.

As she was finishing up there was a knock on the door. Pushing the choking powder in it's case back to it's original position on the stand she called out.

“Come in.”

Standing in the doorway, the reigning Empire Pro Wrestling Intercontinental Champion looked at the woman who, a few short years earlier, he’d taken to a training school. Now, here she was, at another Pay Per View event, on the same card as him. He felt a strange form of pride in himself for his friend, who, despite all expectations, had done things that many felt were impossible. She’d beaten opponents far more experienced. She’d beaten opponents who were far stronger than she was. And tonight, she was wrestling in a submissions only match.

“Hm... I hardly expected visitors, much less a visit from you. What's up?"

“I just wanted to stop by and see if you were ready for tonight’s match. It’s not your average run-of-the-mill match, you can’t count on getting the pinfall tonight.”

She smiled happily. At least he showed some semblance of caring if she won or lost.

"I didn't study as many forms of wrestling as possible for nothin ya know. I can fly with the best of 'em, but I practiced almost as much into submissions. It's all about the will to win. I have it; he doesn't."

"It's not just the will to win," he said, stepping into the room and leaning against the wall. "There's a lot of luck involved - if you make the slightest mistake out there, you've got to hope he doesn't seize it." I should know, he thought to himself. It had been some bad 'luck' that had kept him from winning a World Title to this point. In fact, it had been bad 'luck' that had done a lot of things to him in his career.

He glanced around the room, trying his best to appear non-chalant. "Would you like some help out there?"

"Help?..." Foxx's smile transformed to a mischievous grin as she stood from the bench to face him. "Last I knew that was frowned upon in a singles match... Unless I'm not thinking of the same type of 'help'."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Besides, why would you be offering to help me?" An offer to randomly help with no reason from Karl was hardly a normal occurence, especially after so much time.

"I just want to make sure you don't get in over your head. You've seen how tough this business is now, and you never know what might happen out there. A little back-up might be useful," he smiled. "Unless you're particularly looking for something else?" He laughed. If she wanted to play games with him like that, he wasn't about to let her off lightly.

"Ha! Don't you wish. Anyways, I came in expecting it to be tough so I'm hardly in over my head. I just need to work harder and push myself farther... and a lil luck I guess. It's never a bad thing to have someone watching your back though so you're perfectly welcome."

She walked past him out the door. Her match would be starting soon.

"So you comin or not?"

Brown smiled….and followed her out the door.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

A future legend signed

[The scene suddenly shifts to backstage, where we find Dan Ryan dressed in street clothes, huddled with two other production assistants. They seem to be going over last minute changes to the ongoing live-events' format when a well-dressed business man appears in the shot. With a perfectly coifed head of blond hair and a 'strictly-business' air about him, he waited patiently for Ryan to acknowledge him.]

DR: I don't care HOW you do it, just DO it. Now is not the time to debate the--

[Ryan's eyes caught the man, squinted, then returned to his employees.]

DR: Just make it happen.

[The PA's glanced at eachother, then turned and power-walked down the hall. Ryan turned to the man, who cleared his throat on cue.]

CS: Mr.Ryan, I apologize for the interruption. My name is Cassidy Stewart. I'm a Talent Representa--

DR: You're an agent. I know the name.

CS: ...er, yes. I know you've got a lot going on tonight, but I--

[Ryan stopped him again, this time with fading tolerance.]

DR: I certainly do, Mr.Stewart. So you're going to have to make whatever it is you're about to say VERY brief ... and VERY important.

[Stewart bristled slightly, then took a deep breathe.]

CS: Mr. Ryan, I represent a gentleman who, I feel, could add an electrifying element to your promotion. He's got speed. He's got power, charisma, and a legit HUNGER to win, EVERY time out, no matter what. He's controversial. He's got THE look. And he desperately wants to compete in this organization and make an IMMEDIATE impact in the top tier of the roster. Today.

[Cassidy showed Ryan a folder held in his hand, gesturing to it.]

CS: I think you'll recognize him.

[Taking the folder with some skepticism, Dan opened it and his eyes instantly went wide, a smile creeping across his face.]

DR: He wants to come HERE?

[Stewart nodded.]

CS: He's ALREADY here, in Los Angeles, tonight ... waiting on a phone call from me telling him he's got a job with Empire Pro Wrestling.

[Ryan chuckled, thumbing through the documents inside.]

DR: You're serious? Heh, what's your offer, Mr.Stewart?

CS: Limited contract. Running 'til the Russian Roulette 2007 event. And... a spot in the KING of the CAGE Tournament. After that? You have the option to pick him back up for an extended deal -- which I've no doubt you WILL -- or let him walk.

[This time the EPW owner laughed out loud.]

DR: And your asking price?

CS: Last page of that folder, bottom line.

[Dan found it, then shrugged, mulling the idea over.]

DR: For a gem like THIS? This is a bargain. Heh.

[Stewart nodded, putting out his hand.]

CS: So we have a deal, then?

[Ryan smiled, closing the folder and eyeing Stewart appraisingly.]

DR: Get on the phone and let your boy know he's got a contract.

[Cassidy smiled as they shook hands -- then went white as Ryan clenched Cassidy's hand and pulled him towards him.]

DR: You ALSO let him know that his six-month stint in GXW a few years back -- while maybe a much-needed shot in the arm for the company -- did very little to inspire my confidence in his in-ring work. Tell him he has a lot to prove if this is where he's looking to build his legacy. That, while it may be a 'limited contract' ... it won't be easy.

[Cassidy tried, in vain, to meet Ryan's stone gaze. His voice cracked when he spoke.]

CS: I'll pass that along.

[Ryan smiled, released his grip, then turned; headed towards the lockerrooms, folder in hand. Stewart finally took another breath, then fumbled in his pocket for his cell phone. Dialing, he smiled. Done deal.]

CS: Hey, it's Cass. Listen. You're in! You need to get down here -- right now! You're the newest member of the EPW roster and tonight ... you've GOT to make an IMPACT!​

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Intro, Damian Stone vs. Priest

[Darkness. Slow, slightly ominous piano music plays in the background, the notes shimmering softly in the gloom. Slowly a small point of light begins to form on screen, then another, then another. A resonant voice, deep but calm, speaks, the source unseen and unknown.]

"The universe, they say, is ever-changing. It began long ago as nothingness, then suddenly began to expand..."

[As the voice speaks, more and more of those pinpricks of light begin to glow on screen, the piano music quickening, joined by a violin.]

"It has continued like this ever since."

[The music keeps heightening, the screen growing very bright with stars.]

"Tonight, the phenomenon that started in Washington DC, then moved on to Denver and beyond grows bigger than ever. Tonight, Los Angeles plays host to a big bang."

[With a sudden blinding flare, the rest of the darkness fills up with stars, leaving the screen a pure, glowing white.]

"Tonight... the wrestling universe changes forever."

[Cue up: "New Beginning" - Trapt. Cut to a montage of scenes highlighting recent EPW action, a mingling of in-ring combat and out-of-ring activity, many scenes features with stars blurring in the background.

Cut to Frankie Scott delivering a front flipping neckbreaker on The Sergeant.

Cut to Shawn Hart in the ring with a microphone.

Cut to Lindsay Troy slapping Troy Windham across the face.

Cut to Karl Brown drilling Kin Hiroshi with the Dragon's Bite.

Cut to Mike Evers sitting on a bench, taping his wrists.

Cut to Adam Benjamin clotheslining Steven Shane.

Cut to Irishred in the shadows, wearing an MBE cap and smiling.

Cut to Troy Douglas laying into a punching bag.

Cut to The Highland Park Social Club, Slambo on his knees in front and Chip Friendly smirking, standing with Richard Farnswirth looking down his nose at the camera, the World Tag Team Titles around their waists.

Cut to a rapid montage, culminating in a deep-space panorama that ends with a single image...]

[Cut to the rather spectacular set. Pyro begins to pour from above the massive arch over the entryway, dripping down like liquid fire, columns of gold and silver sparks ascending from the ramp. To either side, bomblike explosions begin to go off one by one. After several explosions, four huge ones ring out as the pyro display ends. The camera zooms in on the screen, which flicks to roving shots of the crowd, who are cheering and screaming their hearts out. A few signs can be spotted among the fans: "WE'RE ALL HERE TO SEE LINDSAY!", "He's So Hot, He's Melton!", "I Saw Cameron Cruise In A Porno", "WE ARE JA-AHOLICS", "ADAM BENJAMIN IS THE BEST WRESTLER EVER", "HPSC = Ratings", "BLITZ ARE THE ****Z", "I Sold My Brother For These Tickets!", and finally, "DAN RYAN WILL EAT YOUR BABIES".]

[The camera pans across the four sexy Empire Girls, all wearing black and white, before cutting to the broadcast booth. Dave Thomas has exchanged his golf shirt for a crisp tuxedo, and Dean Matthews has left his hat at home; Mike Neely is dressed in a cheesy lime green tuxedo.]

DT: Welcome one and all to to Los Angeles Sports Arena and Wrestleverse II!! I’m Dave Thomas and as always with me are Dean Matthews and Mike Neely and dear GOD in heaven what is that thing you’re wearing tonight, Neely??

MN: Please. You wish you had this much style.

DM: I think Liberace wishes he had that much style.

MN: Shut up.

DT: With no time to waste, let’s go up to the ring to Joey Fatora and get this thing underway!!!

TF: The following contest is for one fall! Introducing first, already in the ring from St. Louis, Missouri, standing 7 feet tall and weighing in tonight at 345 pounds … “Dangerous” Damian Stoooooooonnnnneee!!!!

His opponent…

[CUE UP: “I Am the Bullgod” Kid Rock]

TF: Accompanied to the ring tonight by Eisenkreuz, he hails from Detroit, Michigan. Weighing in at 248 pounds…PRIEEEEEEEESSST!

[Priest slides into the ring, counsels with Eisenkreuz in his corner before doing some elaborate shadowboxing in his corner, then pointing towards Stone a la Apollo Creed.]

DT: Priest gives up a full foot and almost one hundred pounds to Damian Stone, how does he deal with that disadvantage?

MN: I’m thinking the big hulking German dude in the corner’ll help with that one, Burgerman.

DT: Point well taken.

[SFX: Bell rings]

DT: And we’re underway with this one-on-one contest! Priest circles around the 7 footer Damian Stone, now comes in to lock up…and ducks away! Priest keeps circling, now here we go…not this time either! Priest is just baiting Damian Stone right now.

DM: Anything to get the big man off his game.

DT: Stone calls from Priest to stop with the games, goes in to lock up…Priest ducks away one more time!

DM: I think that was one too many. Making the really big guy angry, bad idea in my book.

DT: Damian Stone isn’t taking Priest’s joking lightly. He charges straight at the preening Priest…who just slips underneath the clothesline attempt!

MN: OLE!!!!

DT: Stone charges again…another miss!

MN: OLE!!!!

DT: One more time…whiff! And a dropkick straight to the face from Priest as he turns around.

[The impact of the kick sends Stone tumbling outside as Priest mocks him in the ring, fanning himself in “exhaustion”.]

MN: OLE!!!!

DT: Next year, I’m not getting you another “World’s Greatest Bullfights” DVD for Christmas.

DM: You get what you pay for, Thomas.

DT: Damn Secret Santa. Not like you got me anything better, Deano.

DM: What? You didn’t like the travel toothpaste, soap, shampoo, conditioner and hand towels?

DT: They were from your hotel room! They were HALF EMPTY!!!

DM: I knew I should’ve given you the clock radio and the ice bucket.

MN: HAHAHAHA!!!! Dean’s cheap!

DM: Quiet, matador boy.

DT: Guys, match going on?

DM: Oh…

MN: …yeah.

DT: Back to the action, Stone has broken the count and is back inside. Priest goes straight back to work, and he fires his right elbow down into the small of Damian Stone’s back! Up comes Stone…axehandle from Priest, followed by a quick elbow drop. He rolls over for a quick pin…but Stone easily kicks out!

DM: D’you think big Damian looks maybe a little…sluggish?

MN: Just a tad, really. No more than an ounce. Very, very little. Really, not at—oh who the hell am I kidding? He’s asleep out there Matthews! He’s counting sheep, for chrissakes!

DM: Ooooookaaaaaay.

DT: Priest has Stone up, backs him into the corner, and he is unleashing some vicious forearms straight to the sternum of Damian Stone! Stone stumbles out of the corner…straight into a diving clothesline from Priest! He’s got it all in his control right now.

MN: Jeez. If this guy was moving any less, I’d make funeral arrangements.

DT: Priest is slapping the mat, waiting for Stone to turn around. Damian’s up…three-point stance from Priest…charges in for the spear…and misses! Priest smashes straight into the turnbuckles!

DM: I think Damian woke up, Neelster.

DT: Priest staggers out of the corner…big right hand from Damian Stone rocks him! Irish whip…and a SPINEBUSTER!!! He smashed the air straight out of Damian Stone’s lungs with that one!

MN: No, he didn’t.

DT: What?

MN: He didn’t. That’s physically impossible. You see, if…

DT: Thanks for the update, Dr. Neely.

MN: Sure. Take two of these and call my receptionist in the morning.

DT: Two of what? You have a receptionist?

MN: Yeah, Deano here. Right buddy?

DM: Screw yourself, Doc.

DT: Damian Stone is fired up now, finally back in this match! Off the ropes he comes…big kick straight to the jaw of Priest! Man, did Priest’s head snap back violently when that kick connected, and the smaller competitor in this match is down! Stone sizes him up…and drops a knee straight onto Priest’s kidneys! Oh, lord, he came crashing down with all of his nearly 350 pounds!

MN: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. That’s a big ouchie.

DM: I’ve said this before, too. Moron.

MN: I know you are, but what am I?

DM: Oh, for chrissakes.

DT: Just don’t get into, Dean. You’ll never get out.

DM: I know, but he’s such a little—

DT: —We know, Dean. We all know. Priest keeps working over Damian Stone here, the big man showing off some of his mat-based arsenal here, he’s locked in a surfboard and is keeping the pressure on Priest’s lower back!

DM: This is not something Priest is going to want to stay in for long.

DT: Priest trying to get to the ropes…and Eisenkreuz pulls him closer! Referee Andrew Gardell doesn’t like that, but Priest grabs the ropes and Stone has to break the hold. And Damian Stone doesn’t like it one bit, either! He’s going after Eisenkruez!

MN: Hallelujah! Large men hitting each other!

DT: Stone goes after the big German…who drops off the apron! Stone is calling for him to fight…and Priest rolls Stone up! Gardell counts…

ONE…

TWO…

NO!!!! Priest almost stole one right there! What highway robbery that would’ve been.

DM: It ain’t fair, Thomas, but Stone’s gotta be smart enough not to fall for the old angry 325 pound German trick. Oldest trick in the book.

MN: That’s the oldest trick in the book? Really.

DM: Yep.

MN: The things you can learn during an EPW broadcast.

DT: Stone’s up, and these two are exchanging blows once again, and the big man Damian Stone is using that one foot height difference to his advantage. He’s got Priest on the ropes, irish whip…countered!!! Flows it straight into a DDT! And he’s heading up top.

MN: Another guy wanting to make a big show of it on the PPV.

DT: Priest is up top…he soars…FROGGYSTYLE…NOBODY HOME!!!! Stone rolled out of the way and all Priest hit with his version of the frog splash was the canvas of our EPW ring. Now, can Damian Stone press the advantage once again.

MN: Maybe, maybe not.

DM: Just brilliant, brilliant analysis there, Mikey. You’re almost as smart as Michael Irvin.

MN: Thanks, Dean. That means a lot, coming from you.

DT: Stone works over Priest with a couple boots to the midsection…then lifts him up and sends him crashing to the mat with a big old vertical suplex! Pulls him up…whips him off the ropes…BIG BOOT!!!! Right into Priest’s face with that one!

MN: That was awesome! I think I saw a tooth fly out!

DM: I think it landed in your Coke.

MN: What? Get it out, get it out, get it…HEY! There’s no tooth in my soda. You lied to me! That’s just not nice!

DM: Funny though.

MN: I hate you. I don’t want to play with you any more.

DT: Stone’s got Priest up in a standing headscissors. He pulls him up for his Southern Cross powerbomb…but Priest slips free! He shoves Stone off the ropes…on the rebound…STUN GUN!!! He dropped Stone’s neck straight across the top rope! Stone wobbles backwards…GERMAN SUPLEX!!! He suplexed a 345 pound man over his head! The pin…

ONE…

TWO…

THRNOOO!!! Damian Stone has a little bit left in him here tonight!

DM: But did that suplex take everything out of Priest?

MN: Doesn’t matter.

DT: Why not?

MN: If he’s tired, he can tag the muscled-up German dude?

DM: It’s not a handicap match.

MN: It is in my world.

DM: Everything in your world is handicapped, Mikey.

DT: Priest with a couple forearms to the back of Damian Stone. Stone is up…fires back with a left, then a right, and another right to put Priest in the corner! Irish whip sends Priest hurtling into the far turnbuckle! He wobbles out…Stone looking for the Gore…NO WAY!!! Priest rolled past it and Stone had to hit the breaks. He turns around…straight into a jawbreaker from Priest! Priest pops up…and DOWN THE PISSER GOES DAMIAN STONE!!! He nailed him with that devastating slam he calls Down the Pisser. He hooks the leg…

ONE…

TWO…

THREEEE!!!! And Priest is a winner here at Wrestleverse!

MN: You don’t see that everyday.

DM: Priest is a well known mat technician, Neely.

MN: He is? I thought he was the guy who set up the sandwich table backstage!

DM: Gimme a break…

DT: Cool it, fellas. Well, that’s one down and many more to go! We’ll be right back!!​

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Geishas!!!

[CUTTO: Somewhere in the back. Two of Empire’s ring assistants are talking over a cup of coffee.]

JOE: I can’t wait until this show’s over. The entire set up and changes have begun to tire me out.

JIM: I hear you. Last night after we finished the announce table I went back to the hotel and crashed.

[Joe looks about ready to respond, but his attention is diverted. Jim turns around and both men look, smiles creeping across their faces.]

JIM: Why hello, nurse!

[The camera turns and we see four women, their black hair pulled up in a bun on their heads. White makeup, red eye shadow. Kimonos. The Geishas walk buy quickly, pulling out their fans and placing them in front of their face as they giggle.]

JOE: Where you going? Why don’t you come and talk?

[They giggle again as they shuffle quickly by. One drops a flower, looking back over her shoulder. They all turn the corner.]

JIM: I think she liked me.

JOE: You?!​

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Rocko Daymon vs. Kazuo Shizaki

[CUTTO: Back to ringside.]

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, it does not get any bigger than Wrestleverse and we are doing an amazing job of showcasing that to you here tonight.

DM: Not to toot our own horn, but I must say that I agree whole-heartedly with you there, Dave. This night is just getting underway, but all we’re doing right now is paving the road to greatness.

MN: You guys sound like a couple of fluffers at a dildo expose’.

DT: Neels, are you trying to say that you disagree with us?

MN: Oh, hell no. EPW is the place to be. But you guys could drop the whole fanboy thing you’ve both got going on.

DT: I’m not sure if I get you all the time, Neels.

MN: A lot of people don’t…

[The crowd gives a few cheers as Kazuo Shizaki makes his way out from behind the curtain. He focuses down at the ring, not taking his eyes off his destination.]

DT: Well folks, the action is always going on here in EPW and we’re ready for yet another match here as we get ready to see that man, Kazuo Shizaki in action.

DM: This guy is really a treat to watch. He’s a high energy striker who employs a lot of methodic tactics.

DT: He’s relatively new to the Empire Pro scene, but he has plenty of experience and is not to be discounted at all here.

MN: It’s not often that I say it, but this guy impresses me, and I’m quite intrigued to see how this match goes here.

[CUE UP:"Capricorn" by 30 Seconds to Mars.]

[Into an entourage of red lights, Rocko Daymon steps out of the curtain. He stands for several moments at the top of the ramp, gazing over the mass audience as his entrance is hailed. Finally, Daymon strides down the ramp to the ring.]

[When he arrives, Daymon slides under the bottom rope and comes onto his knees. Rocko looks at the mat for several moments, thinking about his performance and the importance of the match about to take place. Then, casting all thought aside, he pushes himself to his feet and goes into his corner, ready for action.]

DT: Well, what are the thoughts for Rocko Daymon here tonight?

DM: Just as much upside to him as Shizaki, but Daymon has been around the block here in EPW. I think he might hold a slight advantage, but we’ll see what Shizaki’s experiences outside of Empire Pro can do for him.

DT: Well, the referee looks ready to start this match, so get ready for some more great action here tonight at Wrestleverse!

[DING DING DING]

DT: Here we go. Rocko Daymon versus Kazuo Shizaki. Wrestleverse! They step to the middle of the ring. They quickly lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up.

DM: Daymon gets the quick advantage with a side headlock.

DT: But Shizaki quickly spins out and locks Daymon in a hammerlock! Shizaki wrenches on that shoulder socket…

DM: But Daymon reverses it into a hammerlock of his own!

DT: Shizaki looks for a way out, but he really has nowhere to go. He tries to improvise here as he runs to the ropes…

DM: Oh my! Shizaki just flipped right over top of Daymon and forced him to break the hold! Shizaki is now set up behind a disoriented Daymon. Daymon tries to turn around…

DT: But he’s met right in the face with a big kick to the back of the head! Daymon falls to the mat and Shizaki quickly hits the adjacent ropes…

DM: Oh my! Almost a baseball slide right there into Daymon’s face by Shizaki!

DT: Shizaki is refusing to slow down here as he pulls Daymon back up to his feet. There’s a hard knife-edge chop! And another! Shizaki backs Daymon into the ropes with yet another of those vicious chops. He now whips him across the ring…

DM: Shizaki swings a spinning heel kick, but Daymon ducked the blow! Daymon hits the opposite ropes and rebounds…

DT: Big flying forearm there by Daymon as he has now leveled the playing field between him and the Japanese phenom! Daymon quickly gets back to his feet and pulls Shizaki up along with him. Daymon nails him with several stiff rights as he backs him into the ropes. He now whips him across the ring…

DM: Amazing tilt-o-whirl side slam there by Daymon! Shizaki damn near broke in half!

DT: Daymon’s going to go for the pin here…

1…

2…

Kickout by Shizaki!

MN: I hate to say it, but Daymon is a really great competitor. However, if he thinks that simply hitting Shizaki with one move is going to keep this Japanese firecracker down for a three, he may need a little better mental training.

DT: Well, he has to try for a pin at some point in time. Maybe he was just measuring the amount of fatigue that Shizaki is feeling. He obviously didn’t think the match was going to finish as he quickly pulls Shizaki back up here.

DM: Nice, hard knife-edge chop there by Daymon. And another as he backs Shizaki into the ropes here. Daymon looks for an Irish whip…

DT: But Shizaki reverses it! Daymon hits the ropes and rebounds now…

DM: Big flying forearm smash by Daymon as he nailed Shizaki there! Shizaki hits the mat hard!

DT: And Rocko Daymon is using very little time here as he quickly gets back to his feet. He now makes his way over to the corner. What’s he going to do there?

MN: Maybe he’s had enough and he’s leaving the match.

DT: I doubt that. He appears to be scaling the ropes here. He perches on that second rope…

DM: Guillotine leg drop! High impact move there by Daymon! He’s going to go for another cover here…

1…

2…

Kickout!

DT: Another valiant effort by Daymon for a pin there, but as Neels has already said, it may be too early for that.

MN: Did you just agree with me?

DT: Crazily, I think I did.

MN: Okay, what’s up with you?

DT: I’m not quite sure.

MN: Neither am I. But I know that I don’t like it.

DT: You’re right. I’ll try to steer clear of agreeing with you from now on.

MN: Then it is settled.

DT: Back to the action here. Daymon is really laying the boots to Shizaki here as the “Black Rose” tries to get back to his feet.

DM: A little help from those ropes is going to help as Shizaki gains ground on getting to that vertical base.

DT: And now Daymon meets him with several well-placed right hands. Daymon backs Shizaki into the ropes again. He grabs that free arm. Here comes another Irish whip…

DM: But Shizaki reverses it into a short-arm clothesline! Excellent move there by the Japanese phenom and now we’re back to square one as both competitors are down on the mat!

MN: And, of course, Daymon goes to the well one too many times. Excellent ring work by Shizaki to realize what was coming before Daymon even executed.

DT: And now, Shizaki is the first to his feet, but Daymon is right behind him. Look out! Shizaki with some amazing kicks right there! Daymon is reeling as Shizaki is really opening up here with those martial arts kicks!

DM: Daymon is backed into the corner here! Shizaki is really tearing into him!

DT: Shizaki finally stops the attack. What’s he going to do here? He backs out of the corner. And now he charges!

DM: Excellent monkey flip there by Shizaki! Daymon went flying to the middle of the ring!

DT: And Shizaki isn’t slowing down this attack as he quickly hops to the top rope! What could he be looking for here?

DM: This man has quite the arsenal of high-impact moves. It’s really hard to tell, Dave.

DT: Well, he’s up there perched as he awaits Daymon’s return to his feet. Daymon slowly stumbles up and now turns to face the now standing Shizaki…

DM: Big cross-body block! Shizaki turns it into a lateral press!

1…

2…

3-NO! Daymon JUST managed to get that shoulder up!

DT: Shizaki definitely looks disappointed that he did not get the three count there, but I don’t think he’s going to let it affect him. He’s already back up and hitting the ropes as Daymon remains on the mat.

DM: Rolling leg drop by Shizaki! That could do it…

1…

2…

And a kickout by Daymon!

DT: Daymon is definitely showing his resilience here as Shizaki is really throwing a lot at him here.

MN: I don’t know if I’d call it resilience as much as I would stupidity. If he just stays down, he lives to fight another day. If he keeps going, Shizaki might not be so understanding.

DT: Excellent point, but I don’t expect Daymon to take it easy in any match that he’s in. This guy is a fighter.

DM: Absolutely right, Dave, but I’m not sure if he’s going to be able to withstand what it appears that Shizaki is setting up for here.

DT: You’re exactly right, as it appears as though Shizaki is just waiting for his prey to get into position here for that Tsume Mahi, that “Claw of Paralysis”-like maneuver.

MN: Just one more reason that Daymon should have stayed down.

DT: Well, he’s up and slowly turning to face Shizaki, who charges…

DM: But Daymon ducks the blow! Shizaki telegraphed the shot!

DT: And now Shizaki turns to face Daymon! Kick to the midsection by Daymon…

DM: Double arm DDT! Excellent desperation move there by Daymon as he just barely avoided that Tsume Mahi from Shizaki!

DT: Daymon is trying to make his way back to his feet here, but he is slow to do so. Shizaki is also on that track, but Daymon is going to win the race. Shizaki steps to Daymon and swings a right hand, but Daymon ducks that blow as well. He quickly grabs hold of Shizaki and whips him into the ropes…

DM: Phantom Train! Daymon just nailed Shizaki with that back-first splash! Shizaki is wobbly and Daymon looks to be measuring him up!

DT: And now Daymon is the one who is perched. He waits for Shizaki to turn back to him. Kick to the midsection. Double underhook…

DM: Brain Rocker Redux! Daymon just nailed that snap pulling piledriver! There’s the pin…

1…

2…

3!!!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner… Rocko Daymon!

DT: Daymon has done it! An excellent, high octane match between these two competitors, but Daymon is the one that manages to come out on top here! What a great performance!

DM: Absolutely right, Dave. This is a big win for Rocko here and he certainly deserves some respect for this win.

DT: He certainly does. A win like that- wait a second! Shizaki is back up here and I don’t believe that Daymon sees him!

DM: He has no clue, Dave!

DT: Daymon! Turn around!

DM: Tsume Mahi! Shizaki missed the shot during the match, but he made sure he didn’t miss it here after the bell!

DT: Dammit! I can’t believe that Shizaki would do that! What happened to sportsmanship?

MN: Who cares? I enjoyed it.

DT: Of course you did, Neels. Folks, we’re going to get some help out here for Daymon as Shizaki simply walks back up the ramp. Daymon is practically paralyzed on the mat!


DM: Damn…that Tsume Mahi is absolutely deadly, guys.

DT: We’ve got more action coming your way in just a few moments!​

 

[DBrunkGXW]

That wasn't the plan

[Outside the arena, Cassidy Stewart paces. Glancing at his watch, he lets out a nervous sigh. Having just negotiated the signing of the first piece of 'talent' he's represented in over four years, Cassidy felt victorious, but still unsure of what was to come. He himself didn't know his client all that well [meeting him only five days ago] and wasn't entirely sure how to read him. Despite any communication gap, one thing that Cassidy knew for sure was that his Client's debut tonight had to be PERFECT.]

Production Assistant: Mr.Stewart? There's a problem. You have a phone call. He said he couldn't reach your cell.

[Cassidy frowned as he was handed a phone by the PA.]

CS: Hello? .... hey, wait .... Where ARE you? ... in the CROWD? Wha--!?! ... Wait, why? .... Wait, that's not the plan. Hey... hello? HELLO?!?

[Immediately frantic, Stewart thrust the phone back in the PA's hand and darted back inside the arena -- blazing a trail towards the ring entrance.]​

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Nakita Dahaka vs. Frankie Scott - Leather Strap match, and...Ice?

DT: Folks, up next is a big time grudge match between "Phenomenal" Frankie Scott and Nakita Dahaka as we once again see the continuing adventures of Cassidy Stewart, who seems none too pleased with his protégé, whoever he may be.

DM: Very interesting.

DT: And speaking of interesting, Nakita Dahaka's managed to set the stakes for this match, a Leather Strap Match.

MN: If I were Frankie, I'd be a happy, happy man. I'd get to whip Nakita all night long! Whooo!

DT: Stop it, Neely, please.

MN: Man, that woman is smoking hot!

DT: Neely, STOP!

MN: Man, I'd wreck her.

DM: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you'd crush her, fat ass. Can we get on with the match, or do we have to listen to you drooling for the next half hour?

DT: Thanks, Dean. Let's go to Fatora for the introductions and rules of the match.

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Leather Strap Match! Both competitors will have one wrist tied to the strap, so that they are connected to each other by the strap. The strap is a legal weapon, and can be used in any manner agains your opponent. The winner of the match will be the wrestler who touches all four top turnbuckles in succession! Now, introducing first...

[ The lights go completely out, only to be replaced with red lighting illuminating the arena, and blacklights all over the stage and entrance. The beginning intro riffs and beats of "Gently" by Slipknot begin to play, as the video screen plays a video montage of Nakita Dahaka executing numerous high flying innovative moves on several known and unknown opponents that flow in sync with the intro and song. The crowd begins to boo. A thick cold fog rolls into the arena from the stage and down the ramp. A lone spotlight hovers directly over one single spot on the stage floor. A ring of fire surrounds the trapdoor. ]

TF: She stands at six feet, four inches talls and weighs in at 185 pounds... hailing from Phoenix, Arizona, and accompanied by her manager, Delilah Demonik... this is... NAAAAKITAAAAA DAAAAAAAHAKAAAAA!

[ The trapdoor opens and raises up onto the stage Nakita Dahaka along side her manager Delilah Demonik. Nakita cracks her knuckles as she mentally prepares to walk down the ramp toward the ring keeping full focus on the tasks at hand. The lone spotlight dangles directly over her head and follows her wherever she goes. Nakita and Delilah leave the stage and walk down the aisle toward the ring ignoring the arena crowd. Nakita arrives at ringside, walks up the ringsteps, across the ring apron, then steps between the ropes into the ring. Nakita takes a knee in the center of the ring. The spotlight hovers directly over her head coming to a complete stop. Delilah slides off Nakita's leather trenchcoat and exits the ring to coach her pupil on from ringside. The main arena lights come back on as her theme song fades out. ]

TF: And, her opponent...

[ “Phenomenon” by Thousand Foot Krutch plays over the arena speakers. A full video rolls on the huge titantron of Frankie wrestling stars like Dan Ryan and the Sergeant, doing an interview and signing autographs. ]

TF: He stands six feet two inches tall and weighs in at 242 pounds. He hails from Atlanta, Georgia.... this is... "PHENOMENAL"...... FRRRRRRANKIEEEEE SCOTT!!

[ Fans cheer loudly as “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott runs out and stops in the middle of the runway looks back at the video and then points toward the fans as pyrotechnics blow all around him. Scott emerges from the smoke to run around the ring and shake all the fans hands. After he finishes, he hops on the ring apron and leaps over the ropes, and Nakita and Demonik bail out of the ring as Scott rushes to each turnbuckle for a photo opportunity for the fans.]

MN: Not much to say about this match, really, other than Nakita wants Frankie's soul, and Frankie, um... doesn't want her to.

DT: I think it's a little more personal than that, Neely. Scott has made it clear that he doesn't believe in the spiritual side of Nakita, and has basically denounced her entire belief system and way of life.

MN: Oh yeah, THAT makes it a lot more personal. Whatever happened to an individual's right to an opinion?

DM: You gave up that right a long time ago when you said that RuPaul was hot for a tranny.

MN: I said that in private!

DM: Ooops!

DT: Guys, back to the match, ok! Official Emilio Gomez is calling Nakita back into the ring to be hooked up with the strap, but she's slow to comply. The crowd's letting her know what they think of her, and Nakita takes a moment out to ensure she flips off the crowd, and then slides into the ring. These two are hoping to settle the score tonight as ... hold on a second--

MN: Who is THAT?

[The camera pans to ringside, where a fan has apparently jumped the rail. Shirtless, pale, and without much definition, the "fan" puts on a pair of black, bulky sunglasses and walks pompously around the ring ... somehow with a microphone in his hand.]

MN: ...I know who that is!

DM: So do I! Isn't that--

DT: It's ICE TRE!!!!

[Some fans at ringside recognize him and start a "TRE!" chant. He plays with his humongous Crucifix [his Pimp-Juice-a-fix] as he trots awkwardly up the ring steps and into the ring. Nakita Dahaka glares menacingly at him, jerking on the leather strap anxiously ... across the ring, Frankie Scott eyes the Tre ... wondering if this loser is for real.]

ICE TRE: S'appnin', baby?!?

[A mixed bag of cheers and indifference emenates from the fans. Scott casually leans against the ring rope, while Dahaka fumes at the interruption.]

ICE TRE: That's RIGHT! ... The TRE is BACK! And I stand before YOU two fools ... to give NOTICE! Ice Tre has COME to Empire Pro ... the PIMP with NO LIMP ... the MACK that ain't BLACK ... the K'ANG of the STREETS!!! And the NEWEST ENTRANT in the K'ANG of the CAGE tournament!!!

[The fans erupt at the mention of the King of the Cage tourney.]

ICE TRE: I am here TONIGHT, baby ... to let ALL y'all *****es an' snitches know that if you step in the cage with The Tre? If you step to the COLDEST man to walk da EARTF... you be cheatin' death itself, son!

[At once, Dahaka and Scott charge forward at Tre, double clotheslining him. He hits the mat HARD and they follow up by stomping him into the canvas unmercifully.]

DT: Ice Tre goes DOWN!

MN: This guy is NUTS!

DM: The stats on this guy speak for themselves! He has NEVER WON a Professional Match in his entire career, by Pin Fall! He has barely even gotten off more than two offensive moves in a row ... I don't even know if he has anything that could classify itself as an in-ring "style" ... let alone a Finishing Move!

MN: What was Dan Ryan THINKING by signing this joke?!?

DT: Ice Tre finally rolls out of the ring, clearly in pain. He reaches back under the rope, snatching his sunglasses from the mat and disappearing back over the ring rail and into the crowd of surging fans!! And back in the ring, Dahaka and Frankie Scott ... in a
STAREDOWN!

MN: Here we go!!!

DT: Now that Ice Tre has been disposed of, Gomez is tying Frankie Scott into the strap. Scott's hooked in, and now Gomez is calling for Nakita to get into the strap as well.

DM: Looks like she's trying to play some mind games with Scott here guys. She's simply standing there, staring a hole through Scott, but not budging an inch towards Gomez. Wait, she slowly lifts a hand up toward Gomez, but just before he grabs it, Nakita takes off and nails Scott with a big clothesline!

DT: This crowd is booing Nakita strongly, and Gomez grabs Nakita by the arm, and... yes, he's threatened to disqualify her unless she gets in the strap right now. She makes him quickly get it on her, and Nakita runs over to start stomping a mud hole in Scott! Now Nakita steps back, and she's folding up the strap. She's going to whip Scott!

[ Nakita drives the strap into Scott's back, and you can hear the smack of the leather against Scott's back, along with the groan of the crowd, and Scott yelling out in pain with each shot. ]

SMACK!

SMACK!

SMACK!

[ Scott gets to his knees, trying to force his way to his feet. ]

DM: For anyone that says what these guys do every night doesn't hurt, I ask you to take the beating that Scott is taking right now and see if it hurts.

SMACK!

[ Scott is now on his feet, and Nakita drives him one in the back. ]

SMACK!

DT: Would you look at the welts on Scott's back? Ouch!

[ Scott twists away from the shot, and staggers into the ropes. ]

SMACK!

Crowd: OHHHHHHH!!!

MN: SHE HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH THAT STRAP!

[ Scott howls as he goes down, and we can see a huge cut opened up on the Phenomenal One's cheek. ]

DT: And here goes Nakita, looking to touch the corners and win this match! There's one corner! There's the second corner, and Demonik is yelling at her to hurry up! She's making it to the third corner, and Frankie Scott just yanked her off her feet using the strap! Nakita is back up, and Scott clotheslines her down using the strap! Nakita's back up, and once again Scott clotheslines her with the strap to the cheers of the crowd!

DM: Nakita's going to have a major case of whiplash in the morning.

DT: Scott picks Nakita and whips her to the ropes. Rebound, and there's a big powerslam from Scott! Scott pulls Nakita to her feet, and there's a belly to belly suplex! Where's he going now? Scott heads to the corner, and leaps over the top rope to the apron. He climbs the turnbuckles to the top... TOP ROPE ELBOW DROP RIGHT INTO NAKITA'S HEART! Scott's up and he's playing to the crowd, who are cheeering for him in return!

DM: That's a few high impact moves in a row. Scott should really be trying to win this match right now.

DT: I think he heard you, Dean, as he's now heading for the first turnbuckle and touches it. Now, towards the second.... he's got it. On to the third corner, and... WHOA, as Scott gets to the corner, Nakita is up and splashes him in the corner! Scott stumbles out of the corner, and Nakita grabs him looking for a nelson slam, but Scott reverses and takes Nakita over with a beautiful German suplex!

[ Scott holds up the strap to the crowd, and the crowd cheers loudly. ]

DT: Looks like Scott's gonna whip her good!

MN: Oh man... this is gonna be great.

[ Scott walks over to Nakita, now rolled onto her stomach, and Scott drives the strap down into her back. Again, the reaction from the crowd and Nakita's screams can be heard all over the arena.]

SMACK!

SMACK!

SMACK!

DT: A third time into the back!

[ Scott suddenly lets loose. ]

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

MN: He's beating her like a rented mule!

DT: Wow! Scott is just unleashing a flurry of whips to Nakita's back, legs, and shoulders! He's brutally attacking her!

DM: That's exactly what she said she wanted this week! And he's complying!

[ Scott raises the strap over his head one more time, then stops and smiles. ]

MN: What's he up to?

[ Scott bends over and quickly pulls down Nakita's spandex shorts, revealing a black thong, and the crowd cheers. Scott hoists the strap and cracks it HARD over Nakita's ass! ]

SMAAAAAAACK!!!

[ The crowd pops, and Neely almost dies at the announce table. Nakita screams out, and scrambles to pull up her shorts. ]

DT: An atomic drop by Scott to finish off the embarrassment, and Scott points to the corner! The crowd's going nuts for him to touch the corners! He walks to corner number one. Now on to corner number two.... there it is. Across the ring now to corner number three, and he taps it. One more, and he heads to corner number four, and reaches out, but there's Nakita to grab Scott's arm and pull him away from the corner! Nakita dives into the corner and touches a turnbuckle to ruin Scott's progression. But Scott pins Nakita in the corner, and lets loose with a series of knife-edged chops to the chest!

DM: But wait, Dave! Nakita just ducked that fourth chop and spun out of the corner. She has Scott in the corner now, and she's laying into HIM with the chops. Two, three, four, five chops!

MN: Five wonderful chops! AH! AH! AH! AAAAAH!

DT: Nakita now leaps to the second turnbuckle with Scott still in the corner, and she bounces up to the top and pulls Scott out of the corner with a hurricanrana! She's now waiting in the corner, screaming at Scott to get up. The "Phenomenal" One gets to one knee, now up to his feet, and Nakita explodes out of the corner and LEVELS Scott with a superkick! She turns and runs to the corner, and leaps to the top rope. MOONSAULT connects! Nakita continues the assault, pulling Scott to his feet... TORNADO DDT, and Scott's eyes almost roll back up in his head! Nakita's heading for the corner! There's one! Over to number two... done! Across the ring to number three.... done! Over to the last corner.... AND FRANKIE SCOTT IS PULLING ON THE STRAP FOR DEAR LIFE! Nakita Dahaka is stretched out as far as she can, but she's still a few inches away from the corner! She's getting closer... closer!! Just an inch away.... NO!!! Scott, with one last gargantuan tug, pulled Nakita away from the corner, and into a drop toe hold! Scott holds on to Nakita's leg, and rolls through, hooking Nakita into a Sharpshooter, and this crowd is going nuts!

DM: Desperation pays off for Scott this time! What a counter into that Sharpshooter though! I've never seen such a smooth transition ffrom behing grounded into hooking the legs like that! Well done Scott!

[ The pained yells of Nakita fill the arena, and Scott holds onto the move for several moments longer. Figuring that Nakita's had enough, Scott gets to his feet, and heads for the first corner. He touches it and heads for the second. Nakita is simply face down on the canvas, clutching her back. Scott makes the second corner, and now heads to the third. He touches the third corner, then stands and points at the fourth. The crowd goes wild, urging him on to touch the corner. He heads that way. ]

DT: Frankie Scott is going to win this match after that brilliant Sharpshooter! Here he goes to the fourth corner, and.... what the hell? Delilah Demonik just slid into the ring with a steel chair, and is standing between Scott and the fourth corner! She's... she's egging him on to come near so she can wipe him out with the chair! She has to know that if she does this, she's going to get Nakita disqualified!

[ Scott and Demonik get into a war of words, with Scott asking Demonik to get out of the way, and Demonik trying to get Scott in close for a chair shot. ]

DT: But wait! Behind Scott, Nakita is getting to her feet! She limps over to Scott and grabs him from behind! She's screaming at Demonik to wipe him out with the chair! She doesn't even care about the match any more! She just wants to take out Scott!

MN: She is SO hot!

DT: Nakita gets a grip on Scott, and here comes Demonik....!

CRACK!!

Crowd: OHHHHH!!

DT: HOLY CRAP! Scott ducked out of the way and Demonik leveled Nakita with that chair! Scott now heads to the final corner! He's touched it!

[ SFX: Ring bell! CUE UP: Phenomenon – Thousand Foot Krutch. Frankie Scott celebrates in the middle of the ring to the crowd cheers. ]

FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this Leather Strap Match.... "PHENOMENAL... FRRRRANKIEEEE SCAWWWWTTTT!!

DT: I can't believe it! Delilah Demonik just screwed Nakita Dahaka out of this match!

MN: It was an accident!

DM: Indeed it was, Neely, but the result is still the same!

[ Frankie removes the strap from his arm, and runs to a corner and jumps onto the second turnbuckle, posing for the fans, who respond with a huge ovation! He gets down, and looks back at Delilah reviving Nakita before he slowly leaves the ring and walks around ringside, shaking hands with fans in the front row.

In the ring, Nakita is coming to her senses, and sits up. She slowly gets to her feet, Demonik pleading with her the entire time, saying she's sorry, she made a mistake. Nakita just stares at her in disbelief, before rearing back and DECKING Demonik with a right hand! The crowd boos, and Nakita walks across the ring, screaming at Deliliah to get up! She slowly does, and as she does, Nakita explodes across the ring and SPEARS her down HARD! ]

DT: Now this isn't right! Nakita, if you hadn't tried to cheat in the first place, none of this wouldn't have happened! You can't blame this on her!

MN: I don't think she believes you, Dave. She's taking Demonik apart!

[ Now out on the entrance ramp, Scott turns to see what's going on, and he looks just in time to see Nakita pull Delilah to her feet, and plant her manager with a double arm DDT! Scott thinks about it for a moment, then runs back down the ramp and slides into the ring, and pushes Demonik underneath the bottom rope to the safety of the arena floor! Scott then gets back to his feet and stares Nakita down in the center of the ring! Nakita tries to take a step to the right around him, but Scott matches her move, never taking his eyes off of hers. She tries to move back to the left, and Scott does the same, his glare intensifying. The two continue to stare each other down, before Nakita finally backs down and leaves the ring, and heads up the ramp to the back. Frankie watches her go, before turning to take one last look at Delilah to ensure she's ok, before he leaves the ring as well, and heads up to the back to the cheers of the crowd.

DT: Interesting developments here, gentlemen! We'll have to see if this spills over into Aggression! But first, we've got more awesome PPV action on the way!​

 

[DBrunkGXW]

The Proletariat vs. The Motor City Maniacs vs. The Saviors of Wrestling

DT: We’re back and up next we have the big tag team three way dance, minus our partner Mike Neely.

DM: Must’ve been a hot dog sale somewhere.

DT: [laughs] Well, the tag division has grown by leaps and bounds in the last six months, Dave. It really says a lot when you’re able to showcase not only a World Tag Team Title Match, but also a number one contenders match and a match like this between three teams jockeying for position within the division.

DM: Absolutely. A win tonight would certainly help any one of these teams move toward a future World Title shot.

DT: Let’s go up to Tony Fatora!!

[SFX: bell rings]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen this matchup is a tag team three way dance where the first pinfall wins the match…..Introducing first….

[“Detroit Rock City” starts up as Max Mayhem and Ripper Robertson emerge from the curtain to a good sized pop from the crowd.]

TF: …From the Motor City, weighing in at a combined five hundred fifty five pounds….Ripper Robertson!!! Max Mayhem!!! THE MOOOOTTTTOOORRR CITTTYY MAAAANIACCCS!!!!

[The two continue onto the ring where they slide in and each climb a turnbuckle, arms raised.]

DT: The Motor City Maniacs!! These guys are well known throughout the business as two guys who have fought and beat some of the best tag teams in the history of the sport! Former GXW, NthWA and EWI World Tag Team Champions and they’re making their first mark on Empire Pro on a stage this large!

DM: I’m a big fan of these guys from way way back and no one would be more happy than me to see them returning to form here in EPW.

[“Break The Silence” by Killswitch Engage comes out over the speaker.]

TF: Their opponents…hailing from Los Angeles, California and Dallas, Texas respectively…at a combined weight of five hundred fifty four pounds….here are C.P. Nero and C.E. Augustus…..THHHEEE PROOOOLEEETARIAAAATTTT!!!!!

[Nero and Augustus make their way to the ring, eyes fixed on The Motor City Maniacs, who give no ground as the two enter the ring and stand side by side staring the Maniacs down.]

DT: C.P. Nero and C.E. Augustus getting right in the face of the Maniacs and I’m really liking the possibilities in this match, a little old guard versus the new guard so to speak!

[As the first two teams have their staredown in the ring, “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin and “First Class” Chandler Maxwell rush down the ramp and into the ring. Immediately, Maxwell takes on Max Mayhem and C.P. Nero gets jumped by Adam Benjamin. Left out of the attack, Ripper Robertson then starts wailing away on C.E. Augustus who returns his lefts and rights with some of his own.]

DT: It’s underway!! Everyone’s going to town on….well, everyone else! Benjamin taking shots at Nero! Whips him into the turnbuckle and clotheslines him back into the corner!! Nero staggering out and a bulldog from Adam Benjamin!! Quick cover but Augustus breaks it up even before a one count!

DM: Well that was way too early.

DT: Chandler Maxwell with Max Mayhem against the ropes! He whips Max across the ring and charges! Lou Thesz Press!! NO!! Max uses the momentum to carry him over and drop him on the top rope with a stun gun!! Adam Benjamin sees it and comes over with a clubbing right hand to the back of Max Mayhem!

DM: And the ref is doing absolutely everything he can to get this thing under control! He’s got six men who are double his weight that he’s trying to calm down and get to their corners!

DT: And it doesn’t look like it’s going to work as Robertson has picked up Nero here and is whipping him across the ring…

DM: Oh my gosh! Robertson just whipped Nero with so much force that he sent him toppling over the top rope and to the floor!

DT: And Augusts isn’t taking too kindly to that as he now marches over to Robertson. The two exchange right hands…

DM: And now Max Mayhem takes the spill to the outside as the Saviors of Wrestling just dumped him up and over!

DT: These men are taking no prisoners here as we are getting this match underway! Benjamin and Maxwell make their way over to Augustus, who has managed to gain the upperhand on Robertson.

DM: But now the Saviors of Wrestling attack Augustus! And now they branch off. Benjamin takes Robertson and Maxwell has Augustus!

DT: These two think they’re going to run the whole match!

DM: And it looks like they might!

DT: Big right hands from both men as they try to weaken up their opponents. There’s an Irish whip…

DM: But Robertson and Augustus reverse it! The Saviors of Wrestling hit the ropes…

DT: Back body drop by both Augustus and Robertson as Adam Benjamin and Chandler Maxwell go sailing over the top rope and to the floor!

MN: Okay, I’m back. Did they start the match without me?

DT: Believe it or not, Empire Pro doesn’t revolve around you, Neels.

MN: Well, I must have missed the memo on that one…

DT: Where were you anyway?

MN: There was a hot dog sale at the concession stand.

DM: Oh God.

DT: Are you serious?

MN: Yeah, but it didn’t last for long. I got in about four. Man, you should’ve seen the lines.

DT: So, you left your job for hot dogs?

MN: THEY WERE ON SALE!

DT: I don’t know if I’ll ever quite get you, Neels.

DM: Guys, back to the action…

DT: Well, it looks like thanks to Ripper Robertson and C.E. Augustus, the referee has finally gotten this match under control. The two of them are in the middle of the ring, exchanging right hands. And now it looks like Robertson is going to get the advantage here. He pushes Augustus back into the ropes. And now there’s an Irish whip…

DM: Oh my! What a clothesline by Robertson as he takes Augustus to the mat!

MN: I did that to some fan in line for the hot dogs.

DT: I have no doubts. Robertson is staying on Augustus here as he lays several hard boots into him. Robertson now reaches out. And there’s a tag to Max Mayhem. Mayhem enters the ring and hits a few boots of his own before quickly scaling to the second rope.

DM: What’s he going to up there?

DT: I’m not sure, but he’s sizing up Augustus…

DM: Guillotine leg drop-NO! Augustus managed to roll out of the way!

DT: Augustus shakes the cobwebs loose as he tries to pull himself back up here. Mayhem is slow to get back to the attack here as he continues to hold his bottom, but nonetheless, he progresses towards Augustus.

DM: Dear God! Augustus damn near took Mayhem’s face off with that big boot right there! He came out of nowhere with that one and now Mayhem is feeling it!

DT: Augustus now reaches down and pulls Mayhem up to his feet. Augustus leans down and now pulls Mayhem into a gutwrench…

DM: Big side slam there by Augustus! He leans over for a pin…

1…

2…

DT: But Adam Benjamin gets in there to break it up!

DM: The Saviors of Wrestling almost lost this match before they were evening legally in the match!

DT: Absolutely right, but Adam Benjamin managed to sneak in there and save the match for both the Saviors of Wrestling and the Motor City Maniacs!

DM: But it doesn’t appear as though Augustus is too happy about it! He’s up to his feet and now has his hands wrapped around Benjamin’s throat!

DT: But here comes Maxwell for the save! NO! Augustus managed to turn around at just the right time and caught Maxwell with a right hand! Benjamin tries to sneak up behind him, but Augustus ducks the blow…

DM: Full nelson slam! Benjamin just folded like an accordion on the mat!

DT: Augustus turns to make the tag to Nero…

DM: But Maxwell comes out of nowhere and throws a chop block into the back of Augustus’s knee!

DT: Oh! And NOW the ref tries to get Maxwell out of the ring.

MN: He just now was able to attain order, Thomas.

DT: Well, he sure as hell wasn’t trying too hard before.

MN: I beg to differ.

DT: Well, Max Mayhem is back up here and he’s pulling Augustus up to his feet. There’s an Irish whip across the ring…

DM: Wow! What a spear by Mayhem there! He reaches out and tags in Ripper Robertson.

DT: Robertson enters and pulls Augustus back up again here. He pulls him into a standing headscissors…

DM: HUGE piledriver there by Robertson! There’s a pin…

1…

2…

And Benjamin gets in there to break it up again!

DT: Look out! Here comes Nero into the match! He just completely obliterated Benjamin with a clothesline there!

DM: And now Chandler Maxwell is trying to come in for the save, but Max Mayhem just leaped off the top rope and nailed him with that modified suicide plancha!

DT: All hell has broken loose here! The referee can’t get these guys under control! Fists are flying and arms are flailing!

DM: Adam Benjamin just nailed Nero there! He sets him up…

DT: Shining Wizard! Nero just got nailed and now rolls to the outside of the ring. Benjamin turns around, but right into a right hand from Ripper Robertson! Benjamin goes sailing over the top rope!

DM: These guys are flying all over the place! This match is out of control

DT: Augustus, Maxwell, Mayhem, and Robertson are all going crazy here! Augustus has Mayhem pinned and nailing him with right hands. Robertson has Maxwell in the corner and now whips him across the ring…

DM: HUGE clothesline in the corner there by Robertson!

DT: Look out! Max Mayhem just caught Augustus with a low blow that the ref obviously didn’t see because there’s too much going on in there!

DM: Augustus is in a bad way here.

DT: Wait a second! Nero just slid in a pair of brass knuckles to Augustus! The referee didn’t see it because he was too busy with Robertson and Maxwell, who both just tumbled to the outside thanks to another clothesline by Robertson!

DM: And Max Mayhem is a sitting duck! Augustus has those knucks!

DT: But wait! There’s Adam Benjamin rolling back into the ring!

DM: Holy smokes! Adam Benjamin just ran up Augustus’s back to nail Mayhem with another Shining Wizard!

DT: What a move by Benjamin! Can he capitalize here?

DM: Whoa! Augustus just turned around and the only man in his way was Benjamin! Benjamin just got a face full of brass! Augustus makes the cover…

1…

2…

3!!!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen… here are your winners… THHHEEE PROOOOLEEETARIAAAATTTT!!!!

DT: Wow! What a save by Nero to get those knuckles to Augustus for the steal!

MN: This is ridiculous! Adam Benjamin wasn’t even the legal man!

DT: He started the whole mess. He should’ve waited for the tag like everyone else! Folks, Wrestleverse is barely underway. There’s still more to come!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Foxx vs. Kenshiro Inogami - Submissions Match

TONY FATORA: Th’ following contest is set for one fall, and is a special SUBMISSION MATCH! The rules of this contest mean that you can only win by making your opponent submit! Introducing first…

[A thick layer of smoke fills the entrance ramp, as Ninja K, also known as Kenshiro Inogami, steps out onto the entrance way to a good reception from the crowd]

TONY FATORA: From the Kansai prefecture of Osaka, Japan, he weighs in at two hundred and thirty five pounds… Ninja K… KENSHIRO… INOGAMI!!

DT: He’s been impressive since his debut here in Empire Pro, and here he makes his Pay Per View debut against another rising star of this industry.

MN: Wonder what he’s been up to? He’s been really quiet.

DM: He is a ninja.

MN: Yeah, probably been busy ninja-ing it up somewhere.

DM: Take nothing away from him though, he’s one to look out for here in Empire Pro Wrestling.

TONY FATORA: And his opponent…

[CUE UP: “Angel Witch” by Angel Witch. Foxx steps out onto the entrance ramp to a good reception, followed quickly by the Empire Pro Intercontinental Champion, Karl “The Dragon” Brown, who’s dressed in his street clothes. Foxx leads the way to the ring, as both high-five some of the fans on the way]

TONY FATORA: Being accompanied to the ring by Karl “The Dragon” Brown, she weighs in at one hundred and thirty four pounds, and comes to us from San Antonio, Texas… ladies and gentlemen… FOXX!

DT: A good reception for Foxx from the fans, but one has to wonder why she attacked Kenshiro at Aggression.

DM: Foxx has had quite a bit of success here – she’s got wins over Troy Douglas, Cameron Cruise, and let’s not forget Inogami, and she took Adam Benjamin to the limit for the TV title – maybe she wanted to prove a point that Inogami wasn’t going to walk in and overtake her that easily.

MN: A win over Cameron Cruise is hardly something to shout home about, Inogami’s got that too.

DM: Yes, but Cruise is still a top competitor.

DT: We still don’t have any reason for Foxx’s attack at Aggression, but Inogami’s not going to be looking for answers, just a little bit of revenge as they lock up in the centre of the ring! Inogami with a quick take down into an armbar, but Foxx rolls quickly back to her feet, and a chop to the chest from the young woman forces her arm free. Foxx runs past Inogami, back off the ropes, and a drop-toe hold by the man from Japan!

DM: But Foxx manages to stop him applying the side-headlock. This is going to be a very interesting encounter, you’re going to see a lot more weardown holds applied, and it could be a long match.

DT: Foxx now trying to gain the advantage though, spinning into a wristlock out of the headlock attempt! Both combatants are up the their feet – you’ve got to think Inogami’s going to look to use his power in the early going to slow Foxx down enough so he can apply some of those devastating holds we’ve seen.

DM: No doubt there, but he’ll have to catch Foxx first, as she manages to take him down with that wristlock still applied, and look how she’s positioned her knee right above the elbow of Inogami – gives her added leverage and makes the hold that little bit more painful.

MN: Wake me up when it’s over.

DT: Mike sleeping when a woman is out there wrestling? Will wonders never cease?

MN: This isn’t wrestling to me, you know that. Get Brown in there, at least he’s creative.

DT: The Dragon looking on as Foxx seems to have a good grasp on this match in the early going, switching into an armbar, trying to keep the martial arts master grounded.

DM: But Inogami’s not making this easy, look how he’s trying to position himself to take pressure off the shoulder. Foxx has got to be careful she doesn’t let him change position much more or she’ll be the one in trouble.

DT: Inogami trying to roll forward out of the hold, Foxx moving with him… HEADSCISSORS by Inogami! Somehow he managed to quickly spring himself up, and take Foxx down with a beautiful headscissors takedown, holding it now for a headlock!

MN: That was impressive from the breakfast cereal.

DT: Breakfast cereal?

MN: Ninja K – try new Honey Nut Ninja K, or Ninja K Berry! In stores now!

DM: Sad – now he has to make up endorsements.

MN: Hey!

DT: Inogami still with that headscissors locked in, and Foxx having no luck trying to pry his legs apart.

MN: I’d love to

DM: Bad gay Mike! Bad!

MN: Crap…

DM: Seriously though, Inogami has a weight advantage of roughly one hundred pounds, so Foxx won’t be able to out-strength him. She’s going to have to rely on her speed and endurance out there.

MN: No way she’ll win.

DT: Don’t put it past her, Mike – she was trained by one of the men that trained Brown and holds victories over some of the best in the business. And she’s changing her strategy, turning and forcing Kenshiro over onto his stomach… Foxx escapes! Quickly trying for an STF but Inogami senses what she’s doing and wisely blocks the attempt with elbows to the side of the head! Inogami back to his feet, Foxx back to hers – kick to the leg! Kenshiro Inogami with another kick to the leg, backing Foxx against the ropes – there’s the Irish Whip across the ring and a STIFF leg lariat takes her down! Foxx looks hurt after that one, but Inogami not letting her get her breath back, scoring with a HUGE scoop slam and a senton back splash!

MN: Shame he can’t pin her in this match.

DT: Inogami just laying into Foxx with hard downward stomps to the arm! Brown’s looking a little concerned, and Foxx can’t get away from those horrendous kicks! Trying to roll to safety but Kenshiro Inogami is not letting up!

DM: Good girl.

DT: Finally Foxx manages to roll to the ropes, but she’s holding her right arm as she drops off the apron to the outside right next to the Dragon. Brown keeping back as Inogami is being forced back by the referee.

MN: That’s why women shouldn’t be in these matches. If you can’t take the heat, don’t go into the kitchen.

DM: So Foxx and Lindsay beating men week in and week out doesn’t happen?

MN: Of course it does! Stop confusing me dammit!

DT: Foxx rolling back into the ring now, very cautious in getting to her feet. Inogami pushing past the ref, but a hard kick to the gut by Foxx doubles him up… SPINNING DDT! Foxx using the ropes for added leverage, and she just SCORES with a knee to the back of the head as Kenshiro tried to get to his feet!

DM: This is smart, impact moves are probably going to be her best friend right now to wear him down.

DT: Foxx with Inogami up by the hair, Irish whip across the ring hard into the corner. She charges in, Inogami with the boots NO! Foxx slides underneath to the outside and trips him up! She’s asking the crowd what to do!

MN: Don’t do it! For the love of OUCH!

DM: I don’t think Kenshiro’s going to be ninja-ing at his usual pitch for a while!

DT: Not after that he won’t. The referee admonishing Foxx, but this is a submission match, and I’ve seen far worse go unpunished since we opened in two thousand four. Foxx back into the ring with a somersault elbow from the outside, and now sits up on the second rope… BULLDOG takedown on the man from Japan.

DM: If this was a normal match she’d’ve gone for the cover.

MN: But this isn’t a normal match, or the ref would have more power to stop nad-bashing.

DT: Foxx picking Inogami up – HARD backbreaker right across the knee! Foxx looks like she’s starting to focus in on the back, could be setting up for the Vixen’s Tail, as she plants her knee in the small of his back and is pulling back on his chin!

MN: Bor-ring

DM: It’s a submissions match, you could always go to the soda machine and watch on the monitors until it’s over.

DT: Would save us from listening to him at least.

MN: I should so kill both of you.

DT: Foxx now releasing the hold, placing her foot on the back of Inogami’s knee… BIG submission attempt there!

DM: Pulling back on the knee and elevating it like that may not look that painful, but I can assure you, it’s hell – she’s bending his back the wrong way, and at the same time applying pressure to his quads and knee.

DT: And listen to Inogami, he’s in a lot of pain out there! Foxx though releasing the hold again, I’ve no idea why she might do that

DM: Inexperience I guess. She’s still got her foot on the back of his knee though, lifting his leg… haven’t seen it done like that before!

DT: Foxx driving Inogami’s knee to the canvas, stamping down at the same time! Inogami trying to claw his way to the ropes, but Foxx catches him with it again! Foxx now picking Inogami up off the canvas, sends him off the ropes, and a nicely executed back body drop takes him down! Foxx leaning against the ropes, playing to the crowd, as Inogami tries to get up holding the opposite ropes… Foxx charging in, Inogami with NO! Foxx manages to land on the ring apron! Inogami with a right hand, blocked, and Foxx between his legs TRIPS HIM! Kenshiro Inogami just went throat first into the second rope!

MN: The cheating female!

DM: And she connects with a very nice legdrop across the back of his head. She may well high-five the fans out there, that was an impressive quick display.

DT: And it doesn’t look like she’s done yet, as she very quickly slides back into the ring! Waiting on him… HURRICANRANA!

MN: But pinfalls don’t count!

DM: I think Foxx realising that after going instinctively for the cover – she needs to calm down, take a step back, and not get over-excited in there.

DT: She’s in firm control though, kicking Inogami hard in the stomach, and a stinging chop to the chest! I heard that through the headphones, that had to sting!

DM: Foxx forcing Inogami back to the ropes again, Irish whip, reversed

DT: Knee to the gut by Inogami! Foxx doubled up, Inogami grabbing her by the hair… OUCH!

DM: Ouch indeed.

DT: Inogami there with a back somersault holding Foxx by the head, and he drove her in one move into a backbreaker! I don’t know how else to describe it, it looks like it hurt a LOT, the point of his knee going right into the spine of Foxx!

MN: Now THAT was impressive!

DM: And it’s giving him a chance to catch his breath. Foxx took a lot out of him with that flurry of offence, and it’s now payback time I guess.

DT: I’ve got to agree with you there, Dean, as Inogami picks Foxx up, and a HARD scoop slam! Rolling her over, looks like he’s setting up for something... BIG splash there, almost a Vader-like move, but straight onto her back!

MN: What’s with all the focusing on the back? I thought submission matches you, ya know, focused on the arms or something.

DM: It depends what your strategy is. Technical wrestling is all about strategy, and if you can make your opponents’ back hurt, then you can severely limit their mobility. It’s a much smarter move than it looks.

DT: And Inogami is definitely focusing on the back, planting the elbow there. Bringing Foxx back to her feet, but Foxx wisely moving behind into a waistlock NO! Inogami counters into a standing armbar! Slowly turning it now, back into a hammerlock, and Foxx has to reach out and grab the ropes to save herself.

DM: And Inogami very quickly breaks the hold.

MN: I don’t see why – there aren’t any DQs are there?

DM: No, but this is a match for technical skills – you have to have a hold applied to make your opponent submit, it’s not the same as an I Quit match where you just pummel them, even though the aim is the same.

MN: I hate these different rules matches.

DT: Leaving Mike to be confused, Inogami’s in control again after a shot to the kidney’s and a release German suplex! He’s really applying the pressure with that grounded armbar, rotating it through to add even more pressure!

MN: Bor-ing. Wake me up with a bowl of Ninja K’s when it’s over.

DT: Foxx though trying to roll up to a knee, Inogami switching his grip to wristlock WOAH! Foxx with some nice acrobatics there to get out of the hold and she takes him down with a single leg takedown!

MN: All that ducking and diving, that was nice.

DM: And effective as Inogami is now having to try and pull her hair to get her to break the hold.

DT: Foxx though is really keeping the pressure on, as Inogami lets out a quick yell as she cranks up on the leg lock. This is some pretty smart strategy from the young lady.

MN: I don’t see how.

DM: It’s because she’s working on the areas the Vixen’s Tail goes after – the legs, back, and neck. It’s clear her strategy is to build to that hold, and I don’t think there’s actually a better submission hold out there once it’s locked in.

DT: Foxx now dropping the hold and stomping away at the knee of Inogami as he struggles to pull himself up with the ropes. Foxx with a backhand chop to the chest! Inogami returns the favor! Ninja K hopping on one leg and another chop! Foxx whips him across the ring and he staggers into the ropes, Foxx with a diving body press and Inogami ducks!!! Foxx goes flying and hotshots herself right on that top rope!!!

DM: Inogami has a chance to turn the tides here, Dave!

DT: Inogami rushes and hits a hard spinning leg lariat that sends Foxx flying out of the ring to the floor!!

MN: Look at ‘im fly!

DT: Inogami runs the ropes, leaping up and OH MY GOD!! Apparently Kenshiro Inogami stumbled a little bit while going for some sort of somersault plancha and he landed right on the back of his neck on the arena floor!! Inogami isn’t moving!!

[Cut to: a replay of the move, with the crowd loudly and noticeably groaning on impact.]

DM: Foxx is starting to regain her senses but Inogami is out cold, Dave!! We may need some medical attention out here!!

DT: Foxx trying to drag Inogami to the ring but he’s clutching at his neck and is clearly in serious pain!! She slides him in an cinches it in!! VIXEN’S TAIL!!! SHE’S GOT IT LOCKED IN!!!

DM: Trouble for Ninja K!!

DT: INOGAMI TAPPED!! HE TAPPED!!!

DM: Boy, he wasted no time in tapping and I think this was a smart move! I think the guy is seriously injured here, Thomas.

DT: [As the cameras focus on EMTs working on Kenshiro Inogami in the ring] This match came to an abrupt halt, guys but certainly of greater importance is the condition of Kenshiro Inogami here.

[Cut to Foxx in the ring, arms raised then turning a concerned eye toward Kenshiro Inogami. She checks with the ring personnel who are fitting a neck brace on him, before finally Karl Brown taps her on the shoulder and motions with his head toward the locker room. She nods and follows as they make their way out of the ring and up the ramp to the cheers of the crowd.]

DT: Well folks, we’re gonna give our people time to take care of Kenshiro Inogami, but up next it’ll be Bloodhunt taking on the man he took out three weeks ago on Aggression, Triple X Sean Stevens.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Bloodhunt vs. "Triple X" Sean Stevens PLUS - The Little Engine That Could

DM: Yeah, you’re looking at two guys no stranger to fierce battles in the squared circle and two guys absolutely set on reestablishing themselves as forces on the circuit.

DT: The crowd is clapping in approval as Inogami is helped to the back and gives the thumbs up, and everything seems to be in order….so let’s go up to Tony Fatora!!

TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit!

DT: We're getting right back into the action here at Wrestleverse II, folks, and this next match could be a doozy!

MN: Who's in the match?

DM: No one's questioning the abilities of either man in this match, Dave, and we could be in for the sleeper match of the night!

MN: Who's in the match?

DT: Did you lose your booking sheet, Neely?

MN: I went and got a hot dog. It was either the booking sheet, or my awesome shirt. Mustard's a ***** to get out, you know.

DT: Why don't you just sit back and let Fatora tell you who's in the match, ok?

MN: You guys suck.

DM: Not as much as a fat guy with a mustard stain on his shirt!

MN: What? Where? [looks down at his shirt.] DAMMIT!

TF: Introducing first...

In Living Color's "Cult Of Personality" blares over the PA, and the crowd gives a mixed reaction as a man comes through the curtain and makes his way down towards the ring.

TF: Standing six feet, one inch tall, and weighing in at two hundred and fifteen pounds... haling from the nation's capital in Washington, D.C. ... this... is... BLOODHUNT!

Bloodhunt steps into the ring and heads to his corner, awaiting his opponent.

TF: And his opponent...

No Hype Necessary's "Patiently Waiting" begins blaring over the PA system as fireworks began to blast, in the shape of an X, with the loud boom commanding the fans' attention.

TF: Standing six feet, three inches tall, weighing in at two hundred and sixty serven pounds, and hailing from Orlando, Florida... he... is... TRRRRRIPLE X.... SEAN STEEEEEVENS!

Triple X stepps through the curtain, immediately raising his arms in the air and walks down to the ring and slides in, running to the nearest turnbuckle, as his music slowly came to an end, and he hops down, turning to face Bloodhunt.

DM: Both these men are technical behemoths, guys, albeit with different styles. Bloodhunt has more of grounded style, while Triple X incorporates more high-flying, cruiser kinds of moves, but make no doubt about it, both of them can go on the mat.

[SFX: Ring bell.]

DT: Referee Rosenkrantz calls for the bell, and both men start circling quickly around the ring, and Bloodhunt reaches out to grab XXX, but XXX swats his hand away. Another reach in by Bloodhunt, but again, XXX swats his hand away, and finally, both men lock up! Neither one can seem to find an advantage at the moment, straining hard, trying to maneuver the other around the ring, looking for an opening, but it's not there for either man. Finally, they break, and start circling the ring again.

DM: They don't want to do this too often, as you'd be surprised just how much an extended lock up can take out of you.

DT: Both guys are circling again, this time a little more slowly, trying to pick their spot, and there's another lock up. This time, XXX gets one up on Bloodhunt and gets him in an arm ringer. Bloodhunt looks for a way out, and quickly reverses into an arm wringer of his own. Bloodhunt adds a little torque, and he rings XXX's arm around another time, sending XXX flipping over and down to the mat! But XXX quickly nips up, kicks Bloodhunt in the guts, hooks his leg around the back of Bloodhunt's neck, flips over backwards, and reverses the arm wringer into one of his own, before turning the hold into a hammerlock!

The crowd cheers their approval as XXX cinches in the hammerlock.

DT: Duck underneath by Bloodhunt, and now he has his own hammerlock on XXX! Standing switch by XXX into his own hammerlock, and once again Bloodhunt ducks under and reverses! Bloodhunt lets go of the hammerlock and reaches in for a german suplex, throwing XXX over backwards, but XXX manages to land on his feet! He charges at Bloodhunt, looking for a clothesline to the back of the neck, but Bloodhunt heard him coming and ducked! Kick to the guts by XXX as Bloodhunt straightens up, and there's a drop toe hold by XXX, taking Bloodhunt down, and now XXX has him in a front facelock on the mat!

DM: That's a great sequence from both men. Neither one is really getting an advantage, but you can't blame them for trying.

DT: In the facelock now, Bloodhunt's fighting to get to his feet, and he lands a couple blows into XXX's guts. Bloodhunt shoves XXX off to the ropes, and XXX rebounds, landing a shoulderblock and knocking Bloodhunt down. XXX races to the ropes, rebounds as Bloodhunt gets up, and again knocks Bloodhunt down with a shoulder block. XXX hits the ropes again, rebounds as Bloodhunt starts to rise, but Bloodhunt hits the canvas again. XXX jumps over him and hits the ropes, as Bloodhunt rises, and Bloodhunt lowers the head for a backdrop. XXX leap frogs him, hits the opposite ropes, rebounds, but Bloodhunt takes him over with a monkey flip! But XXX lands on his feet! He hits the ropes again, rebounds, and this time it's Bloodhunt with the advantage as he slams XXX down with a spinebuster! I can barely call this match, these guys are moving so fast!

MN: Doesn't keep you from talking up the ladies as they run past you for fear you're going to molest them!

DT: ANNNNYYYYWAY... Bloodhunt up now, and hitting the ropes... BASEBALL SLIDE KICK TO THE FACE! Bloodhunt gets up, pulls XXX to his feet, and lands some SOLID Euro uppercuts that daze XXX and send him back to the ropes. Bloodhunt whips XXX to the far side, and XXX rebounds into a big clothesline. XXX is down, and Bloodhunt drops a knee across X's shoulder. Back to his feet, and he drops another knee into X's shoulder. A third!

DM: WHOA! Jujigatame, or cross arm lock applied here by Bloodhunt! He's going to break X's arm in short order if he doesn't tap!

DT: But wait! X just manged to roll over into a seated head scissors, then flip his body over onto Bloodhunt! He's got him pinned!

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

DM: Smart maneuver from X, and now, he's rolling out of the ring to take a breather and try and shake some life back into his arm.

DT: WAIT A SECOND! BLOODHUNT THROUGH THE ROPES WITH A DIVE... WOW! X SAW HIM COMING AND NAILED HIM WITH A SUPERKICK!

A huge "OHHHHHHH" from the crowd fills the arena as X's boot smacks off of Bloodhunt's face. The EmpireTron view lights up to show a replay of the shot, and the entire crowd cringes again.

MN: I think Bloodhunt is going to be pooping Chiclets later! He should check to make sure he still has all his teeth!

Bloodhunt crumples to the floor in an awkward position, and X takes another few moments to work a few kinks out of his arm, before pulling Bloodhunt to his feet and Irish whipping him to into the ring post! Referee Rosenkrantz leans through the ropes to yell at both men to get back in the ring, then starts his ten count.

MN: Wow, I didn't know heads bounced that well. Bloodhunt came off that post at fifty miles an hour!

DT: X is now heeding the official's warning, and rolls Bloodhunt back into the ring, and slides in himself. He pulls Bloodhunt to his feet, and whips him to the ropes. X bounces off the near ropes, and leaps into the air with a FLYING FOREARM that just about knocks Bloodhunt's block off! Nip up by X, and he's showboating to the crowd, drawing some boos! Now X is pulling Bloodhunt up, and gets behind him... CRUSHES BLOODHUNT WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX. He dropped him pretty much right on his head! X pulls Bloodhunt up again... ANOTHER WICKED GERMAN, and I think Bloodhunt's lights are out! Here's X with a pin!

ONE!

TWO!

TWO AND A HALF!

DM: Close, but not close enough!

DT: X is now pulling Bloodhunt back up.. what's he got in mind here? INVERTED PILEDRIVER and Bloodhunt's down on the back of his head again! Another cover by X!

ONE!

TWO!

TWO AND 3/4!

DT: Close but no cigar! X pulls Bloodhunt up one more time.. WAIT A MINUTE! SMALL PACKAGE BY BLOODHUNT!

ONE!

TWO!

THRE...NO!!!

DT: Bloodhunt nearly stole this one right there! X BARELY kicked out! X is a little unhappy he got pulled into that, and he lands a couple of hideous boots to the back of Bloodhunt's head. X pulls Bloodhunt up, and plants him with a bodyslam. X now heading for the corner, climbing to the top... high risk maneuver coming up here... Bloodhunt slowly gets to his feet, turning around the ring, looking to see where X went... MISSILE DROPKICK from the top, WAIT!! HOLY MACKINAW! Bloodhunt just sidestepped X, grabbed him in almost a black hole slam position, and hit a spinning side backbreaker!! X is howling in pain, and Bloodhunt has a cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DT: NO!!! NO WAY!! X's BACK SHOULD BE BROKEN, AND HE KICKED OUT!

MN: Holy... mackinaw?

DT: Shut it, Neels.

MN: Oooookaaayyy...

DT: Bloodhunt takes a moment to shake out the cobwebs, and then pulls X up... hooks in the arm... NICE brainbuster suplex that crashes X back to the canvas! But Bloodhunt's not done! He picks X back up... looking for another suplex maybe.... NO!

DM: SITOUT SUPLEX SLAM!! Perhaps more commonly known as Hayabusa's Falcon Arrow! Either way, X was just DRIVEN into the canvas! Here's a cover!

ONE!

TWO!

TWO AND 9/10!

Bloodhunt covers X again!

ONE!

TWO!

TWO AND 9/10!

DM: Good idea by Bloodhunt here to try and wear out Triple X. But X3 is still in it enough to keep kicking out! Bloodhunt's going to need one more big flurry to put Triple X away!

DT: Once more, Bloodhunt pulls X to his feet, and what's he gonna do now? Standing headscissors... WHOA! HUUUUUGE PILEDRIVER, and X is all rolled up like a rug ready to be tossed in the dumpster! There's a cover!

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!

DT: Bloodhunt has won this ma-WAIT!! NO! THE OFFICIAL SAYS TRIPLE X GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE!!! UNBELIEVEABLE!!! Bloodhunt is already up celebrating his victory, but the official pulls his arm down, and points to X's foot still on the bottom rope! This match is going to continue! Bloodhunt pulls to his feet, and fires him into the corner. He starts unloading on X, interchanging chops and punches, really working X over... but WAIT! Triple X just grabbed Bloodhunt around the throat and tossed him back into the corner! Now it's Triple X unloading on Bloodhunt! Chops, punches, kicks.. .OOOH! There's a wicked headbutt! Rosenkrantz is making his count, but X won't stop! Rosenkrantz has to pull Triple X out of the corner off of Bloodhunt!

MN: Looks like Bloodhunt woke up the sleeping giant!

DT: Bloodhunt comes staggering out of the corner, met with a boot to the guts from X. SWINGING NECK BREAKER and Bloodhunt is down! X is heading for the top rope.... FRRRRROGGGG SPLAAAAASSSHHH!!! There's the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-KICKOUT!

DT: Triple X can't believe it, and neither can I! X NAILED that splash, but Bloodhunt reached deep down and kicked out! X, now a little frustrated, pulls Bloodhunt up... X-TERMINATOR COMING UP!! NO!! BLOODHUNT BAILS OUT! KICK TO THE GUTS BY BLOODHUNT! HEAD SHOT!! NO!! TRIPLE X BAILS OUT!! ROLL UP FROM BEHIND BY TRIPLE X!!

ONE!

TWO!!

THRE..

DT: NO! BLOODHUNT REVERSES THE ROLL UP!!

ONE!

TWO!

THRE..

DT: TRIPLE X TURNS HIM OVER INTO A SIT OUT PIN!

ONE!

TWO!

THRE...

DT: BLOODHUNT ROLLS TO THE SIDE AND REVERSES!

ONE!

TWO!

DT: CRADLE PIN BY X! WAIT! BOTH MEN'S SHOULDERS ARE DOWN!

ONE!

TWO!

THR... [SFX: Ring bell! DING! DING! DING!]

MN: What the hell? Who won the match? Who was pinned?

DM: It looks to me like both men had their shoulders down, but I don't think the official finished his count!

DT: Well, both men are up celebrating, and guys, this crowd's just buzzing! What a display by both men! Now they see the other, and they're simply standing in the middle of the ring staring each other down! Rosenkratz is talking to Tony Fatora, and we're going to get an announcement any second here! What a match!

DM: Looks like Fatora's ready!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, official David Rosenkrantz has informed me that while both men had their shoulders pinned to the mat, he did not administer a three count, but the ring bell sounded because we have reached the time limit for this match! This result of this match is.... A TIME LIMIT DRAW!!

DT: A draw! Well, I guess that's a fitting end to the kind of match that these two put on for us tonight! There's no winner! No loser! These two simply wrestled their guts out! It looks as though we're going to need a rematch between these two! And I think they agree! They're just standing in the middle of the ring, ready to go right now!

DM: I can't wait until these two men face off against each other again. Give them an hour. Hell, give them all night!

DT: Well Bloodhunt has had enough of this as he just waves Triple X off and slides out of the ring, and he’s on his way up the ramp to a chorus of boos!

DM: He’s a man of business, Dave. That’s all it is to him.

DT: Meanwhile listen to the ovation for Sean Stevens!!

[Triple X celebrates on the turnbuckle, flashbulbs exploding.]

DT: What a contest! Triple X has won over the crowd for sure, if not the match and... hold ON a second! ICE TRE is back OUT here!

[Tre charges down the aisle, his crucifix swinging madly... he slides back in the ring, where Triple X is WAITING for him!]

MN: Sean Stevens, another entrant in the upcoming King of the Cage Tournament, another would-be TARGET of this GOON, Ice Tre!!

[Tre gets to his feet and--]

DT: SUPERKICK by TRIPLE X!!! SUPERKICK nearly takes Ice Tre's poor HEAD off!!

[Triple X leans over Tre - barks some words of warning to him and resumes his celebration, leaving Tre lying still on the mat.]

DT: And once AGAIN Ice Tre is sent packing!!

DM: Some kids never learn.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Pastries

Backstage is a lonely place when no one recognizes your face. When you look like the new guy, no one cares: especially at a PPV. Familiar faces walk by you, and, yet, no one blinks twice at a face or a name that they recognize in the depths of their subconscious. Then again, it could be because no one cares about losers. No one pays attention to the guy that has more losses than wins. It’s just like a played out joke: there’s no more laughter in anyone’s lungs.

Yet, even with the trials of the past, and the tribulations of the future, backstage is where the cameras are. As such, that’s where the “new guy” found himself: backstage, being followed by cameras eager to hear what he had to say.

“A catalyst for change” he had called himself once; “a means to an end”. Yet, the change never came, and things in EPW were the same as ever. Nothing had changed: Lindsay Troy was still World Champion, The Cameron Cruise project was a top tag-team, and everyone else seemed to be stuck in the mid-card behind Troy Windham.

Maybe changing the subtle things wasn’t the answer. “New Guy” chuckled to himself, wondering how many people had noticed the toilet paper was different grade, or that the soap was now vanilla scented instead of lavender. Maybe the old head games were the wrong way to go, and a more direct approach was needed.

The camera crew followed behind “New Guy”, shooting over his shoulder, giving a third-person view of what he saw: locker rooms, personnel, miles of corridors and cable. His jet black shoulder length hair was something new for him, maybe it was the reason why nobody recognized him enough to say ‘Hello.’ The grey Henley long-sleeve shirt hung loose on his broadened shoulders, and the blue jeans complimented his tight ass. Not that he favored men, but because the ladies liked it.

Turning a few corners “New Guy” found the door he was looking for. He read the names in the star slowly. Of course, Joey Melton was still above Cameron Cruise. ‘How long had that been a point of contention between those two?’ he thought. God, some things never change. Then again, some things do change; whether by choice or by force. This was a little of both. It was definitely because “New Guy” wanted to have a little more fun before his body forced him into retirement, instead of having to permanently choose retirement.

At least, that’s what he told himself as he walked into the Cameron Cruise Project’s locker room, put a lone muffin down in the center of the room and walked away…

 

[DBrunkGXW]

"The Phenom" Shawn Hart vs. "Da Bomb" Mike Evers - TV Title Match

[CUTTO: The entryway. "Phenomenah" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs hits the PA and SHAWN
JESSICA HART, PhD. steps through the curtain to a big reaction.]

DT: Alright, the time has come for that man, Shawn Hart, to defend his newly won
Television title and guys, when it comes to the Phenom... you never know what
you're gonna get on any given night.

MN: Fo sho!

DM: Rrrrrrright, well Hart has had some good matches and even better wins
throughout his career; he's beaten Jean Rabesque, he's beaten Larry Tact, he's
beaten Cross, he's beaten Doc Silver, he's beaten Michael Manson, hell... he's
beaten our reigning and undisputed Empire Pro champion, Lindsay Troy, but on the
flip side, he's come out here since joining EPW and laid some big time goose
eggs too.

DT: It's definitely been a roller coaster ride for SJH in Empire Pro, but right
now it looks like he's focused and ready to do whatever it takes to keep the TV
title around his waist.

[Having made his way to the ring, SJH slips through the ropes, charges
center-ring, and commences a Macarena dance of epic proportions.]

MN: I dunno, I've got my money on Evers in this one.

DM: You think Evers is going to take it then, eh?

MN: No, didn't say that... but I've still got my money on him. C'mon Mikey boy!

[CUEUP: "Pass The Shirley Temple" by Dahv, signifying the arrival of DA BOMB,
MIKE EVERS!!]

DT: Mike Evers, much like Shawn Hart, is a brilliant technical wrestler. Unlike
Hart, however, Evers seems to keep his eye on the prize from bell to bell. I
would say he represented us brilliantly as Television champ, and if he can catch
the win here, he'll do his best to ensure the next title reign is longer than
the first.

DM: Evers really does have the potential to be one of the top players here in
Empire Pro. Either way, the winner of this bout should go on to bigger and
better things here in the new year.

[The fans really seem to be on Evers' side, cheering him vehemently as he makes
his way into the ring. As he baseball slides under the bottom rope, SJH
immediately turns those cheers into boos by charging at and ATTACKING the
grounded Evers.]

DT: Cheap shots by Hart here as the referee is left with no choice but to signal
for the bell!

[DING DING DING!]

DM: What's this? The official is pushing Hart away from Evers and allowing Da
Bomb to find his feet? This is professional wrestling... and he's in there
playing grab-ass with Evers.

DT: Well, it goes to show the level of respect he has for the title and the man
who's trying to get it back. Nothing wrong with a good clean fight if you ask
me.

MN: Especially if it works in the favor of the guy I've dropped a dime-piece on.

DM: What kind of odds are you getting anyway?

MN: 2-1. Not a huge 'dog, but the boys in Vegas are giving it to Hart... and
it's still enough that I'm gonna make a KILLING if my guy pulls through.

DT: Ahem, both men are on their feet and sizing each other up now.

[The two wrestlers circle the ring before locking it up. A small chant of
"Eeeeeeee-VERS! Eeeeeeee-VERS!" begins to echo throughout the arena.]

DM: Looks like you're not the only one pulling for the former champ.

MN: Good to see the people are starting to see things my way.

DT: Evers backs the Phenom into the corner, and the official forces them to
break.. Hah, and Evers gives Hart a little wink as he breaks the hold and backs
away...

DM: That's GAMESMANSHIP, Dave!

DT: For a second time, they lock it up... and SJH quickly catches the Bomb with
an IRISH WHIP! Evers... coming back the other way, and HART scores first with a
double-leg takedown!! Evers is back up quickly, but the TV champ is there with
a hip toss, sending Evers back down to the mat! Evers rolls back up to his feet,
but this time he's keeping his distance from Hart and collecting himself in the
corner. Wow.

DM: Great technical display by SJH. He's obviously looking to push pace on Mike
Evers.

MN: Pssshhh... He's gonna be gassed in 5 minutes.

DM: Don't you usually root for the other guy?

MN: Money talks and you guys walk!

DT: I really have no idea what that means, but at any rate... Evers and Hart
circle the ring one more time, and lock up for a second time. This time Evers
scores with a knee to the gut, setting Hart up for a belly to back SUPLEX!
Great wrestling prowess shown by Mike Evers! And now he's moving in quickly for
a reverse chinlock. Good move by Mike Evers in trying to drain the energy of
Hart.

MN: Told you he'd be gassed in 5 minutes.

DT: Perhaps not, as the Phenom is working his way back to his feet!

DM: Maybe so, but Evers still has that hold locked in pretty tight.

DT: Kidney punch by Hart! Good shot by SJH, but Evers doesn't look to be
releasing the hold any time soon. He's REALLY cranking on that neck now with
what looks like a borderline choke, but the official is letting it go.

DM: The difference there is that Hart is keeping his chin down just enough to
keep the air flowing.

DT: Good point there, and it's allowing Hart to try and work his way out of the
hold as he sets in with another jab to the side. And another... the Phenom is
slowly, but surely working on the mid-section of Evers and giving him some
incentive to break the hold.

DM: His arms are loosening up a bit.

DT: Hart with a fourth punch to the kidneys and, just like that, the hold is
broken... but Hart lost a lot of energy during that exchange. The Phenom
instinctively shoves Evers off of him, and it looks like he's trying to catch
his breath now.

MN: Bad move.

DT: Evers recovers very quickly and CHARGES at SJH with a lariat, but Hart ducks
it! Evers catches the ropes, rebounds and propels the other way, and GROUNDS
Hart with a shoulder bump! Da Bomb bounces off the ropes once again for
momentum and drops an elbow, but Hart rolls out of harm's way! Evers catches
nothing but canvas on the attempted elbow drop! Hart pulls himself to his feet
and quickly goes for the leg drop, but EVERS rolls out of the way! Both men now,
finding their feet, but it's Evers who strikes first with a boot to the stomach!
The Phenom is hunched over in pain, leaving Evers to hook a leg, grab the neck,
and DROP Hart with a Russian leg sweep!

DM: This is some OLD SCHOOL wrestling.

MN: If you over-exert yourself early, it could pay you dearly in the end... and
right now, Hart's paying.

DT: It's probably too early to go so far as that, as Evers goes to grab Hart by
the head and the PHENOM catches Evers with a SMALL PACKAGE!!




1..............




2.......................



NO!



DT: The challenger is out with ease, but a nice move by Hart looking to catch
Evers napping. Both men find their feet and Evers continues the offense, laying
into Hart with kicks to the ribs. Hart somehow manages to force through it and
attempt a clothesline of his own, but Evers easily evades, and THERE HE GOES
with a neckbreaker on Hart!

DM: Good move by Mike Evers.

DT: Wasting no time, Evers applies the sleeper hold.

MN: This is what I call strategy! For the second time, he's got Hart down and
is working on his air supply.

DT: SJH already looking wobbly in the legs there. As my colleague has pointed
out, this is some good strategy being employed by Evers. Hart has shown some
stamina in the past, and it looks like the challenger's game-plan is to make
that stamina a non-factor.

DM: Hart's looking a little lazy-eyed there. Evers is really working on that
neck.

DT: Hart had done a good job in keeping that chin down during that rear
chinlock, but this time around it looks like the sleeper is doing its job.

[The Phenom's head drops slightly and his arms appear to go limp. The referee
quickly moves in on the fighters, grasping Hart by the right hand.]

DM: He can't be out already, can he?

DT: The official raises Hart's right hand, and...OHP, the Phenom's having none
of that as he angrily tosses the referee's hand aside.

MN: Looks like Evers has the hold in pretty tight, but not THAT tight.

DT: Da Bomb appears to be none too impressed by this display. He's locking his
right arm around the shoulder now, grabbing Hart by the side, and...

MN: BAM!

DT: Evers kicks it up a notch with a big BACK SUPLEX on Hart! Evers, wasting no
time, drops to the mat and hooks the leg...


1..............


2...............


NO!


DT: This time it's Hart escaping the pinfall, but Evers looks intent on
continuing the assault. He has Hart by the head and in bringing him back to his
feet. Both men standing now and Evers land a hard right hand to the chin of the
Phenom. Kick to the mid-section now by Evers, and Hart's been sent backwards.
Evers... winding it up one more time... BIG UPPERCUT to the head and Hart is
sent back into the ropes. Evers takes Hart by the hand and shoots him off to the
ropes on the far side.

DM: Whip it good.

DT: Evers positions himself for the back body drop, buuuut gets a kick to the
face for his troubles, flinging his torso back into an upright position. Hart,
following up with a clothesline here, but Evers parries and counters again with
a falling neckbreaker!! Nice move by Evers! Sensing blood in the water, he
quickly drops for the cover...

[A strange rumbling begins to emanate throughout the crowd.]

DM: The hell?!

MN: I've got a bad feeling about this...

[CUTTO: The announce position as a man dressed from head to toe in full Darth
Vader attire slips over the guard rail, into the ringside area, and makes for
the ring.]

DT: Evers had Hart covered, but the referee looks to be distracted by the Sith
lord who appears to be trying to enter the ring! He releases the leg and is
yelling at the ref to make the count..

MN: Wait! Hart's reaching into his pants!

DT: Vader appears to be using his dark Jedi powers on the official with little
to no effect, but in the ring, the Phenom has his hand down his tights...

DM: Good God...

MN: It's a WHIZZINATOR!!!

[The front row Joes in attendance do their best to divert the official's
attention away from the costumed prowler and back to the in-ring action, but as
is usually the case, he is un-fazed.

DT: Evers looks to find his feet, but the PHENOM does in fact have a
Whizzinator! Da Bomb is doing his best to back away, but...

DM: OH MY...

[With a sick look on his face, the Phenom squeezes the device and SQUIRTS EVERS
IN THE FACE!!!]

MN: EVERS HAS BEEN WHIZZINATED!!!

DT: In all my years, I have never.... *gag*..........ladies and gentlemen, SJH
has pointed the plasticine phallus of the Whizzinator at Evers... and SPRAYED
him with some kind of liquid substance!!

DM: And all the while, the official has been distracted by the dark side of the
force.

DT: Hart is revving back with the Whizzinator now, and...

MN: DONG!!!

DT: SJH SMACKS DA BOMB IN THE FACE WITH THE... erm.... DEVICE!

DM: Down goes Evers!

MN: In more ways than one...

DT: Hart tosses the Whizzinator into the crowd, and right on cue... Vader splits
the scene!

MN: This is what I get for taking the underdog.

DT: Evers is downed and Hart is looking to apply some kind of submission
maneuver... He's got the arm and, yes... SJH is applying the ARM BAR to Evers!

DM: And after being soiled and slapped with a dildo already, Da Bomb is a in a
bad way.

DT: The self-proclaimed Softcore Champ definitely made his mark and now he's
showing his ground prowess as he reeeeeeeeeeeally works on that arm! Wow!

DM: I didn't know elbows bent that way....yeeeeesh.

DT: The Phenom has a death grip on the right arm of Evers.

[With a look disgust and intermittent pain on his face, Evers taps his chest
three times.]

DM: It's all over!

[DING DING DING!]

DT: Albeit under dubious circumstances... but in the end, the result here is
that Shawn Hart wins via submission with the arm bar.

[Evers rolls into the corner and gets himself into a seated position. With his
arms folded over his knees, he shakes his head in utter disdain.]

DM: That was shady and Evers knows it. He's obviously disappointed in how
things have played out here tonight.

DT: It's a shame too, because the way the match started, it looked like we had a
good match of technicians and ring tactics in store.

[Hart mounts the turnbuckle and raises his title to the sky, prompting a mixed
chorus of boos and cheers from the fans in attendance.]

DM: Well, if we can take anything away from the match, it's that Evers isn't
just gonna let this thing go. He's a pro, and I think it's safe to say he'll do
what he must to get himself in line for another title shot.

DT: I think we can all agree on that. But for now, Shawn Hart picks up the win,
and we'll be back with more here on WRESTLEVERSE!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Team Huddle

[The door to the locker room swings open. Enter: The Sergeant. He’s primed and ready for the big tag team match coming up soon. Yet, something seems off. It’s nothing he’s actually said. It’s more of a look on his face.

James Irish and Erin Flanagan are in the locker room and both can sense it, too.]

James: What’s on your mind, soldier? Your not nervous about the match, are you?

[Sarge pauses before answering, obviously deep in thought.]

Sarge: Nah, James. It isn’t the match. Both of you know that I have some business that I need to take care of elsewhere, and I just don’t think I’m able to give the tag team the attention that we deserve.

James: I can understand where your coming from, Cap’n, but we’ve been on a tear here recently. You sure you can’t balance all of this out?

[Erin doesn’t let Sarge answer. She already knows.]

Erin: Sarge does nay know how t’balance things when tis personal. He’s always charging hard into a cause that he believes in. Tis something that I truly admire about him, but it gets in the way of his professional endeavors.

Sarge: Erin, when you’re right, you’re right. I hope everyone understands that whether we win or lose tonight, I need to take some time off here in Empire Pro.

James: Of course, Sargeanto. Whatever you need.

[Irish’s cell phone goes off and he looks down at it]

James: Hey, I gotta go get this. I’ll meet you at the curtain, alright?

[Sarge nods as Irish gives him a slap on the back and heads out.]

Erin: Don’t worry, lad. He’ll be alright.

[Sarge smiles at Erin as the scene fades.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

James Irish & The Sergeant vs. Blitz - Number One Contenders Match

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, if tag team wrestling is something you love, then Empire Pro is the place for you. We have by far one of the most formidable tag divisions in this sport and coming up now, we look to showcase that for you.

DM: It’s going to be a number one contender’s match as the former champs, Blitz, get set to take on the recently formed team of James Irish and The Sergeant. It looks to be a great one.

MN: Are you kidding? Blitz is going to walk all over these morons. They don’t even stand a chance.

DT: I’m not so certain of that. James Irish is a well-established competitor and The Sarge is one of the best young up and comers in this business.

MN: Whatever. You’ll see who’s right at the end of the match.

[CUE UP: "Links 2-3-4" by Rammstein.]

MN: And what you’ll be seeing at the end of this match is this talented tag team standing over your veteran and your young up and comer.

DT: It’s certainly a bold prediction, but one that you must respect as Blitz knows what those tag team titles are all about.

MN: And it’s also a prediction that’s going to be proven right.

[Blitz enters the ring and simply goes over some strategy as they wait on their opponents.]

[CUE UP: “We Right Here” by DMX.]

DT: Well, if I had to make a prediction, I would say that this young man here is really going to show us something here tonight.

MN: What kind of prediction is that?

DT: It’s an impartial one. It’s something you should try to do for your career.

MN: That’s idiotic.

DT: But what you’re supposed to do.

MN: Please. Dan Ryan pays me to sit here and refute any of the stupid ideas that you try to propose.

DM: Guys, I hate to break this up, but I see The Sergeant and Erin Flanagan, but am I just missing James Irish?

DT: Now that you mention it, Dean, I don’t see James either.

MN: Probably just his way of getting his own cheap pop. Mad Genius of Wrestling my ass…

[CUE UP: “I’ll Drink to you” by Duke Jupiter.]

DT: Guys, any idea where James Irish is?

DM: No clue, Dave. This is very uncharacteristic.

DT: And it doesn’t look like Sarge has any idea what’s going on either. He may have to go at this one alone.

[DING DING DING]

DM: It definitely looks that way, Dave. The referee just called for the bell!

DT: Sarge climbs into the ring reluctantly here. He’ll be starting off against Max. The two encircle each other as they charge to the center of the ring and lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up. Max easily gets the advantage here as he presses Sarge right into the corner. The ref calls for the break…

DM: But Max doesn’t give it to him as he slaps down right on Sarge’s chest with that open right hand!

DT: Certainly not a clean break by Max as he now pulls Sarge out of the corner and backs him into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip…

DM: Big powerslam by Max! He’s going to hold for a pin already!

1…

2…

Kickout by Sarge!

DT: Max pulls Sarge back up and now pulls him over to the corner. There’s a tag to Jecht as the “bigger” member of Blitz enters the ring. Max with an arm wrench…

DM: And Jecht comes through with a big elbow across that already wrenched arm! Nice tag team wrestling there by the former champions.

DT: Jecht quickly grabs the pain-filled Sarge and whips him into the corner HARD! And now Jecht follows him in with a big clothesline!

DM: Look out! He’s not done yet! Jecht now lifts up Sarge for a snake eyes across that top turnbuckle!

DT: Sarge is really taking a beating here.

MN: And you thought I was crazy for picking Blitz to win this match.

DT: Neels, this would be a totally different match if it was a tag team match, but this is a damn handicap match! James Irish is nowhere to be found!

MN: Regardless, Blitz is looking pretty strong here.

DT: I can’t disagree there. Jecht is still taking control here as he’s lifted Sarge back onto his shoulder again. What’s he going to do now?

DM: Running powerslam! NO! Sarge managed to slip out! Jecht looks around for his opponent…

DT: Kick to the midsection! DDT by The Sergeant! Max charges into the ring…

DM: Arm drag! Max quickly hops up and charges Sarge… but there’s another arm drag!

DT: I’m not sure where this offense is coming from, but this is very admirable from Sarge here!

MN: Admirable or not, it won’t last long.

DT: Sarge certainly looks primed here. I’m not sure if I would agree with you there, Neels. He’s waiting for Max to get back up here…

DM: Oh my! Jecht just snuck up behind the unknowing Sarge and caught him with a big full nelson slam!

DT: Jecht now stumbles to the corner where Max has made his way back to the apron. And there’s a tag! Max enters the match again as Sarge tries to pull himself off the mat. Max scoops him up…

DM: Big backbreaker there by Max! He goes for the pin…

1…

2…

Kickout by Sarge!

DT: There’s still a lot of fight in this little guy. He’s outweighed by almost four hundred pounds here and he’s still doing all he can to fight back and stay alive here.

DM: Max is refusing to slow down though as he pulls Sarge right back up.

DT: Max now locks Sarge in a front face lock. He looks for a vertical suplex… but Sarge blocks it! Max heaves again…

DM: And Sarge reverses it into an inside cradle!

1…

2…

Kickout!

DT: Max quickly back to his feet here. He swings a clothesline at Sarge, but Sarge ducks the blow. He quickly bounces off the near ropes…

DM: Spear! Sarge just broke Max in half with that spear!

DT: Jecht quickly enters the ring! He charges Sarge…

DM: Double leg take down! And now look at Sarge throwing those right hands into Jecht! He is putting it all on the line here!

DT: Uh oh! Sarge was so into tearing apart Jecht that he forgot about Max, who is now picking him up like he’s a child! Sarge is trying to fight out of it…

DM: Oh my! What a powerbomb by Max! I didn’t even think he had the leverage to perform that, but somehow, he managed to send The Sergeant crashing to the canvas!

DT: Max does not look happy now as he tries to snap Jecht back into this match. He helps his partner up.

DM: Uh oh. Jecht is pulling Sarge up and onto his shoulders.

DT: This isn’t good. Max is climbing the ropes. This could be the Blitzkrieg here. Max gets to the top rope…

DM: What the?!?! It’s James Irish! He’s making his way down the ramp!

DT: And Max sees him! He quickly turns to face Irish, who is almost at the ring. Max leaps off at him…

DM: But Irish catches him with a fist to the midsection! Max hits the concrete HARD!

DT: And look back in the ring! Sarge is throwing right hands into Jecht’s head as he tries to get the three hundred and fifty pounder to drop him! And he gets free! Jecht turns to find Sarge…

DM: Superkick! Sarge just sent the big man over like a chopped tree!

DT: Back on the outside, James Irish is really taking it to Max! Listen to these fans!

MN: What did I tell you? Anything for a cheap pop.

DT: I don’t think that was it at all, Neels. Something obviously held up James Irish, but he’s making up for it now. He pulls Max up and hooks him in a front face lock. He could be looking for a fisherman’s suplex here…

DM: But Max slips out! Max now kicks Irish in the midsection…

DT: Oh my God! Max just sent James Irish CRUNCHING to the floor with a powerbomb on that concrete! Irish has to be out cold!

DM: We’re going to need some medical help out here.

DT: Look out, it seems as though the fortunes have turned on the Sergeant as well. He was looking for an Irish whip, but Jecht reversed it and sent Sarge crashing into the corner right before catching him with a clothesline! Sarge now staggers out of the corner…

DM: Jecht Shot! That fallaway sleeper hold!

DT: And now Max is rolling Irish into the ring! He instructs Jecht to lift him up. NO! Don’t do this!

MN: Now who’s right, Thomas?

DT: Jecht lifts Irish up onto his shoulders as Max scales the ropes…

DM: Blitzkrieg! Irish is down on the mat! Jecht makes the cover…

1…

2…

3!!!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners… Max and Jecht… BLITZ!

DT: Well, the Sarge gave it his all here and James Irish tried to come down for the save, but it was too late. Blitz picks up the win and gets a shot at the tag team champions.

MN: And let’s not forget Mike Neely, who also picked up a win and ever-so-gracefully, shoved it in the face of Dave Thomas.

DT: Get over yourself, Neels. Folks, there’s more Wrestleverse on the way. The action has only just begun!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Tagalong

“Karl, wait!”

Brown turned at the familiar voice. He was slightly irritated, because the sound of her voice had just penetrated through his focus on the upcoming title defence. He was preparing to become the first man in the history of Empire Pro Wrestling to have successfully held onto the Intercontinental Championship at the end of three successive pay per view events, and, despite what he’d been saying in the build-up to the match, he knew that Steven Shane would not be easy to beat a third time. “What is it?”

“I was thinking I’d return the favour.”

“What favour?”

“From earlier tonight, remember? I'm comin with ya!”

A wide grin crossed her face. She was really quite worried he'd turn her down, but she wasn't going to show it. Even if he did she'd find a way to run out at the last minute when he couldn't say anything. He'd appreciate it in the end.

"If I said no, you'd follow me anyways, wouldn't you?" he sighed, continuing his walk to the gorilla position.

"Yup."

"Fine," he said. "Do you want to switch into a double hotel room whilst you're at it too?"
She cocked an eyebrow in surprise.

"I think I'll stick with the room I got, thanks. You started this so it's only fair that I do the same. Feel free to take the bill for my room though." That got a bit of a laugh from her.

"Yeah, yeah," he was almost at the entrance way. "OK, come on."

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Karl "The Dragon" Brown vs. "Sensational" Steven Shane - EPW IC Title Match

[“Damn” by Fabulous hits the PA. To a harsh chorus of boos, “Sensational” Steven Shane appears at the top of the stage and poses for his haters before coming down to the ring.]

TF: Our next even for the evening is a singles competition for the EMPIRE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE!! Introducing first, the challenger… hailing from Hollywood, California, and weighing in at 253 pounds… PLEASE WELCOME……….. “SENSATIONAL”….. STTEEEEEEVEEEEEN SHAAAAAAANE!!!

MN: This guy has my bet to win.

DT: You really think he’s set to defeat the Intercontinental Champion?

MN: Steven Shane has the kind of talent, charisma, and ATTITUDE that defines an Empire Pro champion. And nothing against Karl Brown, but he just pales in comparison to this guy…

DT: We’ll see about that.

[“Rainmaker” by Iron Maiden begins to play. The audience comes alive as the arena is filled with green and white light!]

TF: And his opponent… from Nottingham, England… weighing in at 211 pounds… HE IS YOUR INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION… HERE IS…. KARL…….. “THE DRAGON”………….. BROOOOOOOOOOWWWNNN!!!!!

[Brown appears at the top of the stage with his title to a tremendous crowd pop. Looking confident and energized, he makes his way down the ramp to the ring.]

MN: You see? He looks like a scared, lost little child facing his doom…

DT: On the contrary, Mike… to me, it looks like Karl Brown is 100% ready for this match. He knows the challenge and he knows how far he’ll have to go to overcome it.

MN: Leave your glasses at home again, Gramps? Karl Brown KNOWS he’s leaving that ring tonight without that title…

[Brown enters the ring and poses for the fans before handing his title over to the referee, who holds it up for display before handing it to the timekeeper. After he makes his final checks, he signals for the bell.]

DT: There’s the bell… and this match is underway! Both men circling the ring… and Brown quickly goes for a takedown, but it’s countered by Shane with a Hammerblow! Shane goes for a waistlock, but Brown quickly slips behind him and delivers a forearm to the lower back!

DM: Brown’s strategy seems to favor speed at this point in the match. He just better hope it doesn’t tire him out too quickly…

DT: Brown locks on a side headlock onto Steven Shane… but Shane quickly backs into the ropes and pushes him off! Karl Brown returns off the other set of ropes… DUCKES a clothesline from Shane… PUTS HIM DOWN with a dropkick!

MN: Come on, Steve! This guy is running circles around you!

DM: Brown keeping up the pressure by hitting the ropes again and dropping an elbow into the small of Steven Shane’s back!

DT: Shane trying to get to his feet… but Brown hits the ropes and puts him down again with a snapmare! The Intercontinental Champion is really going to work on the challenger tonight!

DM: Don’t speak too soon, Dave. Steven Shane may not be in control of things right off the bat, but a man with his talent can turn things around in the blink of an eye.

DT: Karl Brown goes for an armbar, but Steven Shane quickly wriggles himself free, and drops Brown with a JAWBREAKER!

MN: Damnit, I blinked… what just happened?

DM: Brown is stunned but quickly back on his feet… and Steven Shane DUCKS a telegraphed hook from Karl Brown, and follows through with a kick to the gut… followed by a SWINGING NECKBREAKER!

MN: Now THAT’S what I’m talking about!

DT: Shane takes a breather while Karl Brown shakes out the cobwebs and comes to his feet in the corner… Shane quickly pushes him in and slaps him with a KNIFE EDGE CHOP across the chest!

DM: WHOOOOO!!

DT: There’s that “Whoo” thing again…

MN: Get with the times, Dave.

DT: Shane pulls a weakened Karl Brown from the corner… and now he takes his place, going to the second rope! Shane catches Brown… TORNADO DDT OUT OF THE CORNER!!

DM: WOW! The champ didn’t see that coming!

DT: Shane could have a quick upset right here as he goes for the cover… One… Two… and Brown kicks out!

MN: Meh…

DM: You don’t go down that easily when you’re the Intercontinental Champion… unless you do not deserve to wear that strap.

DT: And Karl Brown has proven MANY times in the past that he is more than worthy to be Empire Pro’s Intercontinental Champion! But all that could change tonight if Steven Shane can manage to pin him or make him tap.

MN: What do you mean “if?”

DT: Shane brings the champion back to his feet… quickly sets him up, and DROPS him with a BEAUTIFUL Vertical Suplex! Shane quickly rolls him onto his side… and locks on the sleeperhold!

MN: Good night, Karl Brown! Dream of what you can do now that your Intercontinental Title reign is coming to an end!

DM: Steven Shane has his hands locked in around Brown’s neck in a very tight grip… it shouldn’t take long for Brown to go down that way, but from my angle, it almost seems like Brown’s got enough of his arm in the way to give himself a little breathing room…

DT: The ref leans in close to check on Karl’s condition… but oh, wait a minute, SHANE’S GOT HIS FEET ON THE ROPES!! Brown’s legs are kicking wildly with that extra pressure coming down into his neck! Shane drops his legs from the bottom rope before the ref can see him! That slimeball…

MN: What, the ref didn’t see it. No harm, no foul…

DT: The ref goes back to check on Karl Brown, who is looking progressively weaker… and Shane’s got his feet on the ropes again!!

DM: Wait a minute, Foxx at ringside has had enough, and now she’s calling for the ref’s attention! Yes, the ref just saw Shane’s feet on the ropes as he pulled them away, but now he’s denying it!

MN: Come on, where else is he going to put his feet?

DT: Shane releases the hold and begins to argue with the ref… and now he’s having a few choice words with Foxx on the outside!

MN: That dumb broad better keep her nose out of this match…

DT: Honestly, Mike, she’s just trying to keep things fair!

DM: Well, Shane oughta check behind him, because Karl is quickly recovering, and sees Steven with his back turned!

DT: Karl slips up from behind AND DROPS SHANE WITH A ROLL-UP PIN!! ONE… TWO… and Steven Shane kicks out!

MN: Phew…

DT: Both men get to their feet… and Karl Brown LEVELS Shane with a Clothesline! Shane quickly back on his feet… PUT DOWN AGAIN with a drop toe hold! Brown slaps on a side headlock and gets Shane to his feet… quickly spins around him, and DRILLS HIM WITH A DRAGON SUPLEX!!

DM: There’s the bridge for a pin!

DT: ONE… TWO… No! Steven Shane kicks out…

MN: Just caught off guard, a tad… but hardly out of this match.

DT: Brown on his feet and Shane is having a hard time getting up… Brown goes to get him to his feet—AND STEVEN SHANE WITH A BLATANT LOW BLOW!! MY GOD, how did the ref not see that?

MN: What, I didn’t see anything.

DT: These fans are letting “Sensational” Steven Shane hear it now… and now Shane has a chance to regain his momentum! Shane takes Brown by the arm, and whips him into the ropes… BIG SPINEBUSTER puts the IC champ on his back!

DM: Shane keeps ahold of the legs… and now he’s going for the CALIFORNIA CLUTCH—

DT: NO!! Karl Brown kicks him off and into the corner! He’s got a lot more fight in him than that! But Shane, enraged, comes out of the corner and drops a KNEE to Karl Brown’s face! And now he has him mounted and is laying into him with blatant shots to the face!!

MN: Let that sucker have it, Steve!

DT: The ref orders Shane off, and now he’s letting him hear it for blatant use of closed fists! I tell you, I don’t know how these officials can be so lenient sometimes…

DM: What is he going to do, disqualify a guy every time he does a little bending of the rules? Can you imagine how boring professional wrestling would be in that state, with every match ending in a crappy DQ?

DT: I’m not saying I don’t want a good fight between these two men; I just want to see a good, CLEAN fight.

DM: Good luck with that, Dave…

DT: Shane pushes the ref aside, and now he’s bringing the IC champ to his feet… takes him by the arm, and whips him into the ropes… TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER NEARLY RIPS KARL BROWN IN HALF!!

MN: Snap him like a twig!

DT: Shane hooks the leg for a cover…. ONE……. TWO………. NO!! Brown manages to kick out.

DM: These two competitors are punishing the hell out of each other… but I get the feeling we’ve only seen a tip of the iceberg from both of these individuals.

DT: I think you’re right, Dean. Shane is keeping up the momentum by getting the IC champ back on his feet… and he locks on an arm wrench! But Karl Brown REVERSES, and how HE has the arm wrench locked on!

MN: Uh-oh…

DT: And Steven Shane COUNTERS with a DECAPITATING clothesline!

MN: YES!

DT: Shane peels Brown from the mat… scoops him up AND CRUSHES HIM WITH A SIDEWALK SLAM!!

DM: The champ could be in a bad position here… Shane quickly hops to his feet and goes to the corner. And now he’s hoisting himself to the second rope!

DT: Uh-oh, what’s happening here? Shane with a LEG DROP FROM THE SECOND ROPE OVER THE THROAT OF KARL BROWN!!

MN: And that’s ALL she wrote!

DT: Shane hooks the leg for a pin…….. ONE………….. TWO……….. NO!! Karl Brown kicks out again!

DM: Steven Shane is looking frustrated… he wants this to be over quickly.

MN: Well, naturally. He’s got better things he could be doing backstage, after all…

DT: Shane turns Brown over on the mat… and locks on the SLEEPER HOLD!! There’s nowhere for Brown to go!!

DM: It could be over right here. Shane put up a lot of punishment in those last few minutes, and now he’s got an exhausted opponent in an even more draining position.

DT: Karl Brown is limp on the mat… the ref checks his arm to see if he can keep it up! IT DROPS!!

MN: He’s out like Neil Patrick Harris!

DM: Bad analogy, Mike…

MN: Huh?

DT: The ref checks a second time… AND IT DROPS AGAIN!!

MN: One more to go, and Steven Shane walks away with the title!

DT: The ref checking a third time… AND IT DROP—NO, WAIT!! BROWN KEEPS HIS ARM UP AND NOW HE’S FIGHTING IT!!

MN: Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me…

DT: Foxx is trying to get this crowd into it, and now Karl Brown is getting the support from all these fans in attendance! My God, Brown is muscling himself up!

DM: Quite an impressive comeback for the champ…

DT: Brown, fists clenched in the air, makes it to his knees… AND NOW HE’S ON HIS FEET! Shane still has the hold locked on, and he can’t believe it!

MN: Neither can me!

DT: Brown with an ELBOW TO THE GUT… AND A SECOND… AND—OH MY GOD, STEVEN SHANE DROPS HIM WITH THE CALIFORNIA DREAM!!

MN: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! That’s the work of a brilliant wrestler for ya…

DT: Karl Brown was SO CLOSE to breaking out… but now Shane has him for the pin! ONE………. TWO…………. THR—NO!! BROWN KICKS OUT!!

DM: Though you really have to wonder how much more he can take…

MN: Every man eventually has his breaking point. When Brown realizes he has no chance, he’ll eventually accept the inevitable.

DT: Don’t count on it, Neely. Shane looks disheveled after that last kickout… now he’s going for Karl Brown’s legs, and he’s going to finish this off!

MN: California Clutch! And this time, Brown is too exhausted to push him off!

DT: Shane takes him by the legs… and HE HAS IT LOCKED ON! But wait, BROWN HAS THE ROPES!!

MN: WHAT?! No he doesn’t!!

DT: Steven Shane applied the hold too close to the ropes, and now the referee is forcing him to break it up!

MN: He better not if he knows what’s good for him!

DM: Shane’s frustration caused him to lose focus… you NEVER apply a submission anywhere but in the center of the ring when you want to finish a match.

DT: Shane RELEASES the hold, and now he’s arguing with the referee!

DM: Now he’s taking his attention off of his opponent… giving him time to recover.

MN: Shut it, Dean! Karl Brown’s not going anywhere…

DT: Brown slowly trying to get to his feet with the help of the ropes… but Steven Shane is already there! Shane hooks him for a suplex… NO! Brown locks his LEG in to block it! Shane goes for a second—AND BROWN COUNTERS WITH A SNAP SUPLEX!!

MN: WHAT?!

DT: Brown hangs on as he pulls Shane to his feet… ANOTHER SNAP SUPLEX!!

MN: Damnit, what the hell is going on here?!

DT: Brown STILL has ahold of a stunned Steven Shane as he brings him to his feet again… BIG T-BONE SUPLEX NEARLY PUTS A HOLE IN THE RING!! THE CHAMPION HAS TURNED THIS MATCH AROUND, AND THE FANS ARE ON THEIR FEET!!

DM: Tremendous comeback by the champion, but that took everything else he had… now he’s on the mat unmoving next to Steven Shane.

DT: That surge of offense might have taken a lot out of him, but Karl Brown needed something to stay in this match.

MN: Stubborn fool…

DT: Both men are down, and now the referee is counting to ten… Brown begins to stir, as does Steven Shane!

MN: Come on, Shane!

DT: Shane getting to his feet with the help of a corner, while Brown slowly comes to a stand in the center of the ring while the ref makes it to the count of seven… Shane comes CHARGING OUT THE CORNER—OH NO, BROWN CATCHES HIM WITH AN ARMDRAG THAT PUTS HIM ON HIS BACK!!

MN: ****!!

DT: Brown catches Shane before he can make it to his feet again… and DROPS HIM AGAIN WITH A RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!!

DM: The champ has found control of this match…

MN: Don’t count Shane out yet, fellas!

DT: Karl Brown hooks the leg for a cover……. ONE…………. TWO………. NO!! Steven Shane manages to kick out…

DM: The champion may have put Steven Shane in a position he doesn’t want to be, but I feel that Shane’s still got a long way to go before he can be put away.

MN: Damn right. He wants that title. That strap was MEANT for him! He’s not going to let a punk like Brown walk away with the last laugh…

DT: Brown brings Steven Shane back onto his feet… takes him by the arm, and WHIPS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!! OOH! Shane connects hard… and Brown follows up with a BIG BODY SPLASH IN THE CORNER!!

MN: DAMNIT!!

DM: The champ is keeping up on the momentum… talk about a second wind. Brown takes Shane by the arm again, and whips him into the OTHER corner!! Shane CONNECTS HARD and falls to the mat…

DT: Shane trying to roll to the outside… but Karl Brown grabs him by the leg! No escape for Steven Shane!

MN: What?! I thought there was some sort of rule where you can’t touch another man while he’s leaving the ring!

DM: What gave you that idea, Mike?

DT: Brown clubs Shane on the mat to keep him down… and picks him up again, setting him into the corner! And now Karl Brown is lifting STEVEN SHANE UP TO THE TOP ROPE!! AND NOW BROWN IS GOING UP WITH HIM!!

MN: OH NO!! DO SOMETHING, REF!!

DT: Too late, Mike… BROWN… WITH A DRAGONRANA!! OH MY GOD, HE JUST DRILLED STEVEN SHANE INTO THE MAT!!

DM: Unbelievable!

MN: ACK!!

DT: BROWN HOOKS BOTH LEGS FOR THE COVER…. ONE…………….. TWO…………… THREE—OH NO, STEVEN SHANE KICKS OUT!!

MN: My God, this is getting me paranoid!

DM: Another fifty bucks in jeopardy, Mike?

MN: Try a couple hundred, Dean.

DT: And I doubt you have much success, am I right?

MN: Are you kidding? I’d be making a fortune if Dan Ryan wasn’t so damn stingy about the paychecks…

DT: Watch what you say about the Owner, Mike, or you may live to regret it… but back in the ring, Karl Brown gets the wearied Steven Shane back to his feet… and tosses him to the outside!

DM: Karl Brown is taking this match to the outside? Better be careful…

DT: Outside the limits of the ring, perhaps the IC champ can do enough damage to keep this caliber opponent down long enough for the three count. Brown goes out onto the apron and waits for Steven Shane to get to his feet…

MN: Oh NO… LOOK OUT, SHANE!!

DT: TOO LATE! STEVEN SHANE TURNS AROUND AS BROWN COMES RUNNING OFF THE APRON WITH A DROPKICK TO THE FACE!! STEVEN SHANE GETS KNOCKED INTO THE BARRICADE!!

DM: The action’s pretty close to us now…

MN: Good! Maybe if Steven Shane can see the LOOK OF ABSOLUTE DISTRESS on my face, he’ll realize how badly he’s ****ING THINGS UP and start kicking ass again!

DT: Brown gets Shane back to his feet… takes him by the arm and with an IRISH WHIP—NO!! SHANE WITH THE REVERSAL, DRIVES KARL BROWN STRAIGHT INTO THE RING!!

MN: Bout freaking time!!

DT: Brown quickly on his feet… tries to take Shane down, but Shane SIDESTEPS and drives Karl Brown HEADFIRST into the steel steps! MY GOD!!

DM: The ref is on the count of seven, but Shane rolls inside and out again to break the count. Shane gets the dazed Karl Brown back to his feet and brings over to the barricade… BIG BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX ON THE STEEL BARRICADE!!

DT: MY GOD, WHAT A PUNISHING MOVE!! Through this entire match, we’ve seen Steven Shane put a lot of focus on Brown’s back area…

DM: That sets him up for the California Clutch… a move that Shane was already ONCE denied because he applied it too close to the ropes. Now he’s ensuring a tap-out by putting that pressure on Brown’s back.

MN: I have no idea what you guys are talking about. As long as Brown is getting hurt and Shane is looking good, I’m happy.

DT: Steven Shane grabs Brown by the head and rolls him into the ring… he slides inside, and quickly goes for the cover!

ONE…….

TWO……

THR—NO!! BROWN KICKS OUT!!

MN: Damnit… when is he going to learn?

DM: Slowly but surely, Steven Shane will wear the champion down until he’s defenseless for the submission hold. What’s interesting though is that while Steven Shane has taken quite a few hits in this match, he’s still looking good. It’s taking everything Karl Brown has to stay in this match. What keeps him going?

MN: Stubbornness. Shane looks good because he’s the superior talent!

DT: No, Karl Brown is hanging in there because he knows what it means to be the Intercontinental Champion!

DM: Shane gets Brown to his feet, but BROWN COUNTERS WITH A PUNCH TO THE GUT!! Brown goes for a kick—CAUGHT BY STEVEN SHANE!!

DT: Brown hopping in limbo… goes for the ENZIGURI—OH NO, DUCKED BY STEVEN SHANE!! Shane with a BOOT TO THE THIGH of Karl Brown deters him from getting up again…

MN: Steven Shane is finally doing what he should have done from the onset…

DT: Shane gets Karl Brown to his feet again… locks on a Hammerlock, reaches around his face for a Crossface hold—MY GOD, CROSS-FACE SUPLEX WITH THE HAMMERLOCK IN PLACE!!

DM: What the hell do you call THAT?!

DT: What a devastating improvised move from Steven Shane… who goes for another pin!

ONE……….


TWO………….



THREE—OH NO, KARL BROWN WITH THE KICKOUT!!

MN: DAMN!

DM: You gotta hand it to Karl Brown… he truly shows what a champion is made of.

DT: Steven Shane, meanwhile, shows his frustration… but already he brings Brown to his feet… runs him to the ropes, and OH!! A clothesline over the top rope puts Karl Brown down before us!

DM: The match is spilling outside again!

DT: Brown is slowly getting back to his feet on the outside… and inside, Steven Shane has him in his sights! Shane grabs the top rope and LEAPS OVER WITH A BODY PRESS—

DM: OH NO, KARL BROWN DUCKED OUT OF THE WAY!!

MN: You gotta be kidding me!!

DT: Steven Shane landed FACE FIRST outside the ring… and now Brown rolls back inside! He’s got an opportunity to turn things around, and he’s going for it!

DM: Shane slowly gets to his feet on the outside… and Brown hits the ropes—BASEBALL SLIDE HITS STEVEN SHANE IN THE MUSH!!

DT: Karl Brown has set this crowd on fire, and he is putting up the fight for his life! Breathing hard, he rolls out of the ring to catch Steven Shane… and scrapes his FOREHEAD over the ring apron!!

DM: Shane walks blindly around the corner of the ring… and now Karl Brown gains some distance… HE SPRINTS FORWARD—

MN: JESUS CHRIST!!

DT: BROWN VAULTS OFF THE STEEL STAIRS—OH MY GOD, CATCHES STEVEN SHANE WITH A DRAGONRANA!!!

MN: My God, I can’t believe it…

DT: What an INCREDIBLE display of athleticism from the IC champ… and now he has Steven Shane up again and rolls him into the ring. Brown slides in, escaping the nine count… and Shane is already recovering!

DM: Brown brings Shane to his feet… and Shane with a RIGHT HOOK—

DT: DUCKED by Karl Brown… who COUNTERS WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX!! BRIDGED PIN!!



ONE……..





TWO………………



THREE—AW NO, STEVEN SHANE KICKS OUT!!

MN: YYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!

DM: You REALLY have to hand it to Steven Shane!! I mean, the champ has hung in there through everything, but Shane has been with him every step of the way!! NOTHING Karl Brown does will put this guy down!!

DT: But Karl Brown isn’t deterred… he gets Steven Shane to his feet and takes him by the arm—whip to the—NO!! Shane reverses, and Brown goes into the ropes!

DM: Brown on the return… goes upstairs for a HURRICAN—OH MY GOD, NO!!!

MN: RIGHT IN THE JEWELS!!

DT: OOOOOOHH!! LOW BLOW!! SHANE WITH A KICK RIGHT TO THE GROIN OF KARL BROWN!!

MN: WHAT?! That wasn’t a low blow…

DT: Oh, are you blind, Mike?!

DM: Steven Shane is quickly explaining to the referee that it was unintentional…

MN: Damn right it wasn’t.

DM: And this match continues, but the IC champion’s offensive rout has just been DERAILED by that “error.”

MN: It was an accident… no matter WHAT Dave cares to believe…

DT: Hmph… Steven Shane doesn’t give Karl Brown even a second to regain himself. He whips him HARD into the turnbuckle!! Brown stumbles up… and Shane PRESSES HIM UP and DROPS HIM DOWN on his face! GOOD LORD!!

DM: Brown trying to get to his feet, but Steven Shane meets him with a boot to the gut… And DRILLS HIM WITH AN INVERTED DDT!!

DT: Steven Shane hooks the leg for a cover………


ONE…………….




TWO………………….





THREE—OH NO, WAIT, BROWN KICKS OUT!! HE KICKED OUT!!

DM: AMAZING!!

MN: BULL****!!

DT: Brown REACHED INTO THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL for that one!! But Steven Shane keeps his cool as he gets Karl Brown to his feet again… and it looks like he’s ready to put him away!

MN: About time! This has gone on long enough!

DT: Shane hits him with the WESTSIDE CONNECTION!! Quickly goes for the pin…

MN: THIS IS IT!!

DT: ONE……………..







TWO………………









THREE—OH NO, THE REF SEES BROWN FOOT ON THE ROPES!! HE GOT HIS FOOT UP!!

MN: Oh, give me a BREAK!! IT WASN’T UP THERE IN TIME!!

DT: He got it up before the third count, Mike! Brown is STILL in this match!!

MN: Foxx put his foot up there!

DT: Regardless, the referee tells Shane the pin isn’t valid… and now Shane is bringing Karl Brown back to his feet and brings him to the center of the ring… there’s a kick to the gut—

DM: OH MY GOD, MASSIVE POWERBOMB FLATTENS HIM TO THE MAT!!!

MN: YES!! THIS IS IT!!

DM: That’s the set-up, and here it comes!

MN: CALIFORNIA CLUTCH!! STEVEN SHANE HAS IT LOCKED ON, AND KARL BROWN HAS NOWHERE TO GO!!

DT: THIS COULD BE THE END!! KARL IS MILES AWAY FROM THE ROPES!! HE’S TOO TIRED TO BREAK OUT OF THE HOLD!! THERE’S NOTHING TO DO BUT TAP OR WAIT UNTIL YOU BLACK OUT FROM THE PAIN!!

DM: I have to agree with Mike on this… the champ has no place to go, and Steven Shane is just moments away from being the NEW Intercontinental Champion!

MN: WOO-HOO!!

DT: NO WAIT!! Karl Brown is VERY SLOWLY inching his way to the ropes!!

MN: WHAT?! No way…

DM: No no, he’s right! Karl Brown SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY has the strength to pull himself to those ropes!

DT: It’s just a matter of feet!! This audience is EXPLODING in support of the Intercontinental Champion! Steven Shane can HARDLY BELIEVE IT as he struggles to keep Brown centered in the ring!!

MN: STOP HIM!!

DT: Just a foot away now….





MERE INCHES…..



AAAAAAALLLLLMMMOOOOOST……






OH NO!! STEVEN SHANE DRAGS HIM BACK INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!!

MN: YEAH!! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!

DM: My God, that must be disappointing… getting THAT CLOSE to the ropes, but Steven Shane DENIED Karl Brown from escape!!

DT: Brown is in a bad situation again, and the ref leans in to see if he’ll tap!! Brown can barely ANSWER between his screams of pain!!

MN: TAP, YOU IDIOT!! IT’S FUTILE!!

DT: CAN KARL BROWN RESIST THE CALIFORNIA CLUTCH… AND OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!

MN: WHAT?!

DT: Brown is GOING FOR THE ROPES AGAIN!!

MN: NO WAY!!!

DM: How is he DOING that!?

DT: BROWN IS INCHING HIS WAY CLOSE TO THE ROPES AGAIN, AND THIS CAPACITY CROWD IS ON ITS FEET!!

HE’S JUST INCHES AWAY………









SOOOOO CLOOOOOOOOSSSE………………







HE HAS IT!! KARL BROWN HAS GOT THE BOTTOM ROPE!!

MN: WHAT?! NO WAY!! HE’S TAPPING!!

DT: STEVEN SHANE MUST BREAK THE HOLD, BUT HE’S DENYING!!

MN: He can’t do ANYTHING about it!! Shane has this match FINISHED!!

DM: SHANE RELEASES THE HOLD, and now he’s getting into the ref’s face!!

MN: IDIOT REF!! RIP HIS HEAD OFF!!

DT: Brown is getting back to his feet with the help of the ropes, but Shane doesn’t see him! SHANE GRABS THE REF BY THE COLLAR!!

DM: WHAT?! He’ll be disqualified!!

DT: BUT KARL BROWN GRABS HIM FROM BEHIND!!

DRAGON’S BITE!! DRAGON’S BITE IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!!

MN: NNNNOOOOOOO!!!

DT: BROWN HOOKS THE LEG FOR THE COVER!!!

ONE…………………….











TWO……………………..





TTTTHHHHHHRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

DM: HE DID IT!! I DON’T BELIEVE IT, THE SON OF A ***** DID IT!!

TF: Here is your winner… and STILL the EPW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION…….

KARL…. “THE DRAGON”……. BRRRROOOOOOWWWWWNNNNN!!!!!!

MN: *******IT!!

DT: Sorry about your luck, Mike. What a GREAT match between these two individuals, but you have to admire the WILL POWER of Karl Brown to resist the California Clutch like that and walk away with the win!

DM: Impressive victory for Karl Brown… but I truly think Steven Shane gave him a run for his money.

MN: Shane was CHEATED by that freaking ref!

DT: In any case, for tonight, Karl Brown will be sleeping with a smile on his face… more action to come!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Geishas - Sage Advice

[CUTTO: A Japanese hand fan. It closes and we briefly see a white face, a little red strip in the middle of white lips. The woman turns, her back to the camera. Another geisha girl walks over to her and kneels, holding on new hair sticks.]

GEISHA #1: Is he here?

GEISHA #2: Soon.

GEISHA #1: Hope he pleased.

[The second geisha bows her head, gets to her feet and shimmies away. The first geisha woman opens her hand fan, places it in front of her face before turning around and finishing applying makeup to her eyes. The door opens in the back and two more geishas walk into the room, sprinkling flower petals on the ground. CUTTO: The ground where the flower petals are being strewn. Two feet, bare, turn the corner, and walk on the flower petals into the room. The geishas then bow on their knees, two male hands rest on their heads. CUTTO: Backstage – the dressing room.]

[Backstage, we find Ice Tre holding an ice pack to the back of his head, slumped on a bench. Standing before him, a concerned Cassidy Stewart.]

IT: ...damn, yo...

CS: Tre ... what the hell are you THINKING? What happened to the backstage promo we decided would be MORE than enough to intro you?

[Tre pulled his shades down just enough to look at Stewart in disbelief.]

IT: You were f'real 'bout that? No way'm I kickin' off my EPW career with a whimper.

CS: What do you think you just did out there? First, Nakita Dahaka and Frankie Scott nearly DECAPITATE you ... *THEN* you get in Triple X's face and HE nearly DECAPITATES you!?! You planning on kicking off your EPW career by coming off like a talentless HACK?!?

[Tre stands up, defiantly.]

IT: Hell naw! Ice Tre is the K'ang of the Streets ... and the next K'ang of the Cage! S'time for those fools to RECONIZE!

[He throws the ice pack against the far wall, snaps his shades off as only HE can, and marches off screen.]

CS: ...uh-oh. Now what did I do?

Dave Thomas Voice-over: Lord help up. Next up! It’s the street fight! We’ll be right back!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Dan Ryan vs. Irishred - Street Fight Part One

[The bell sounds. Cut to Tony Fatora standing in the center of the ring, looking typically Italian as he raises his mic.]

TONY FATORA: "Th' following contest... is scheduled for ONE fall, and is a stuh-rrREET fight, with falls counting anywhere! It will be contested f'r SIX MONTHS ownership of EM-piyah Prrrrro Wrestling!

DT: Folks, it looks like it's that time! The match that will decide the fate of Empire Pro Wrestling for fully half of the new year! When the dust settles, it'll be Dan Ryan or IrishRed taking the reins!

MN: It's the fine line between success and failure, and I'm rooting for success, babay! Go boss go!

[Even as Neely's speaking, the Empire-Tron kicks to life with a familiar video, and the rasp of "Zero" by the Smashing Pumpkins begins to pulse through the arena. The fans know the tune well. In a massive wave they rise to their feet and roar their approval even as the broad-bodied figure of Dan Ryan appears, illuminated darkly against the screen behind him. He steps forward and raises his arms to the crowd. The owner of the company has of course changed into his ring gear, and he's smirking the smirk of a cat ready to eat a mouse. With a brisk, confident stride he makes his way to the ring, slapping a few hands indifferently.]

TONY FATORA: Introducing first! He hails from Houston, Texas, and is the owner and chief executive of Em-piyah Pro Wrestling! He isssss DAAAAAAAAAAAAAN... RYYYYYAAAAAANNNNNN!!!

DT: And here comes the owner of the company, in fighting trim! You have to believe as you look at Dan Ryan that he's still in peak fighting shape.

DM: That's right, Dave Thomas. Even though he's a big-shot executive these days, with a guy like Dan Ryan he never loses that cutting edge. I don't think IrishRed knows what he's getting in to.

MN: Just like IrishRed is gonna get cut tonight! Haha! Who does he think he is, coming in here, attacking our boss - INSULTING his DEAD DAUGHTER?! IrishRed's gonna get KIIIIILED! Haha!

DT: I don't know if I'd go that far, but after the humiliation Dan Ryan has put IrishRed through these past few weeks and months, you have to believe that the former MBE Hardcore Champion has a score to settle.

[Bad Company by Bad Company starts to play over the loudspeakers. On the screen the name Irishred in blood red is shown across six four leaf clovers. As Music starts red and green pinpoint spots crisscross the arena and track Irishred as he walks down the ramp. Green cloverleaf spot on center of the ring as Irishred enters, stands with his head back and closed fists touching each other in front of his chest. When he spreads his arms wide the cloverleaf turns to red.]

TONY FATORA: And introducing the challenger! He hails from Yankton, South Dakota, and he weight in at two hundred an' thirty-five pounds! Thisssss issss IRIIIIIISH... RRRRRRREEEEEEEED!!!

MN: Well, Burgerman, looks to me like IrishRed is gonna settle his score right into an early grave. Okay, maybe this guy can beat Hans the Incontinent Viking or the Mongolian Monkeyboy, but he's in a whole different ballgame now!

DT: I wouldn't sell IrishRed short, Neels. This guy has been around this business, and if you look at the fury in his face right now -

DM: - I agree, Dave Thomas. IrishRed has been humiliated and brought low by Dan Ryan, and tonight is his change to pay that back in spades!

MN: The only spade around here is the one Dan Ryan's gonna be using to BURY IrishRed! Woooo!

DT: These two men squaring off in the ring - God, they're just dying to get at each other, and referee David Rosenkrantz can barely hold them apart!

[SFX: *DING* - The bell rings.]

DT: Rosenkrantz back out of ground zero and RYAN JUST LEVELS IRISHRED WITH A HUGE RIGHT HAND TO THE FACE! IrishRed hits the mat like a ton of bricks and now Ryan putting the boots to him! The Ego Buster just stomping away at the IrishRed like a wild dog!

DM: He's got him backed up into the corner and we're just seconds into this match!

DT: Ryan just putting those huge boat-sized feet to the head and chest of IrishRed! Now grabs him by the hair and SLAMS his head into the turnbuckle, and Red's stunned right from the get-go!

MN: The boss is just LAYING down the LAW here! IrishRed doesn't have a chance in Hell!

DT: Now Ryan picks up IrishRed - BIG body slam, and now he's heading out under the bottom rope and to the floor! He's... heading our way?

MN: Oh hey boss!

RYAN, offmic: Get up, Neely.

MN: --Oh, uh, okay! Kick his ass, boss!

DT: Well, fans, Dan Ryan has just taken Mike Neely's chair and we're barely a minute into this match!

DM: He's just hitting the gas and taking off, Dave, and - wait a second - IRISHRED IS UP ON THE APRON AND HE COMES DOWN ONTO DAN RYAN WITH A DOUBLE AXEHANDLE TO THE HEAD!

DT: IrishRed out of nowhere with the axehandle off the apron, and Ryan falls back over our table! IrishRed laying the huge lefts and rights into the face of the big man! -Oh, watch out, they're falling right over our table!

MN: Geez! Look at them go!

DT: Red getting the better of it - grabs a MONITOR and SLAMS IT AGAINST THE FOREHEAD OF DAN RYAN! Ryan's in a daze - Red pulls him up and SHOVES him over the barricade and into the audience!

DM: Like the parting of the Red Sea, the fans are making way for Dan Ryan and IrishRed!

DT: Now Red over the barricade with the monitor in hand, but a dazed Dan Ryan is on his feet... Red swings the MONITOR - OH MY GOD DAN RYAN JUST USED A FAN AS A HUMAN SHIELD!!! THAT INNOCENT FAN JUST GOT SMASHED IN THE FACE WITH A TV MONITOR AND HE'S DOWN LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!

DM: HOLY ####! We are SO SUED - AND NOW RYAN BLASTS IRISHRED IN THE FACE WITH A HUGE FIST! ANOTHER ONE and IrishRed's falling back against the ring barricade!

MN: Geez, this match has barely started and already, the carnage!

DT: Ryan taking ahold of the arm of IrishRed - Irish whip to the Irishman straight down the aisle - OH, an EPW security guard just stuck his FOOT out and TRIPPED IrishRed, and down goes the smaller man!

DM: And there you see one of Dan Ryan's biggest advantages: He's got the entire EPW staff on his side, and he's not afraid to use them to get an edge here tonight! Who else are we going to see coming out of the woodwork to attack IrishRed?

DT: Ryan with Neely's chair in hand now, stalking manfully up the aisle... takes a HUGE overhand swing at IrishRed, but Red rolls out of the way just in time! Ryan swings again, but Red gets out of the way in the nick of time and jumps back through the doors into the concession area! Ryan's right behind him and RED KICKS THE DOORS CLOSED AND SMASHES THEM INTO RYAN!

DM: Ryan stunned - and Red opens the doors and FLIES THROUGH WITH A CLOTHESLINE! RYAN'S DOWN!

MN: Aaaaah! He can't do that!

DT: It's a street fight, Mike Neely - anything goes, and IrishRed is using that to his advantage! Red picks up Neely's chair - and SLAMS IT ACROSS THE BACK OF DAN RYAN, AND THE EGO BUSTER IS HOWLING IN PAIN! AGAIN RED WITH THE CHAIR, AND ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD!

MN: Somebody stop him! How dare he use my chair for those wicked purposes!

DT: Red tossing the chair aside now and going for the cover! One - TWO - Ryan kicks out with authority!

DM: A few chair shots won't take the Ego Buster down; he's a former World Champion in his own right and he can take a LOT of punishment!

DT: With a heave IrishRed pulls Ryan up from the floor and drags him through the door by the arm, into the lobby and concession area... SHOVES Dan Ryan up against a solid brick wall and lays in a few chops! Ryan's still dazed, but he reels with the blows!

MN: Somebody's got to stop that dwarf! Aaaah!

DT: There's the Irish whip by IrishRed - DAN RYAN SMACKS FACE-FIRST INTO THE OPPOSITE WALL, JUST FEET AWAY, AND STUMBLES RIGHT BACK INTO IRISHRED! Red turns - OH MY GOD GERMAN SUPLEX ONTO THE UNFORGIVING TILE FLOOR!!!

DM: HE HOLDS ON FOR A BRIDGE!

ONE -

TWO -

RYAN KICKS OUT!

DT: Good GOD, I think I see CRACKS in those tiles!

MN: I think I see cracks in the boss' NECK! Damn that IrishRed!

DT: Dan Ryan is seeing STARS here as a visibly intent IrishRed pulls him off the floor! Chops for good measure, and Ryan's weaving on his feet! Irish whip by the smaller man - WAIT, RYAN IS SOMEHOW ABLE TO REVERSE IT - IRISHRED GOES FLYING INTO THE T-SHIRT STAND AND THE WHOLE THING COLLAPSES!!!

DM: And DOWN GOES RYAN, too! He pulled that whip out of NOWHERE, and now he's down and holding his head in pain!

DT: But look at IrishRed! He's struggling to pull himself out of the wreckage, dazed, hurt... AND HE'S GOT A LINDSAY TROY T-SHIRT SOMEHOW TANGLED OVER HIS HEAD!!!

MN: Haha! That's the best I've ever seen him look!

DT: --Wait a second, THE T-SHIRT GUY JUST SLUGGED IRISHRED IN THE BACK! IT'S ANOTHER OF DAN RYAN'S CRONIES! IRISH RED TURNS AND POPS THE T-SHIRT GUY IN THE MOUTH, AND DOWN HE GOES!

DM: AND HERE COMES THE JANITOR!!!

DT: OUT OF NOWHERE HERE COMES JIMMY THE JANITOR WITH MOP IN HAND! CRACKS IRISH RED IN THE BACK WITH IT! RED FALLS TO HIS KNEES! JIMMY THE JANITOR AGAIN - NO, RED SPEARS HIM TO THE GROUND AND PUNCHES HIM IN THE HEAD SIX OR EIGHT TIMES!

MN: GO, MINOR SERVICE STAFF! SAVE GRAND MASTER DAN RYAN!!!

DT: THIS IS DESPICABLE! The service staff ATTACKING IrishRed while Dan Ryan just stands there recovering his wind and laughing! And IrishRed is ENRAGED! RUSHES Dan Ryan - NO, Ryan BOOTS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE AND KNOCKS HIM TO THE TILE FLOOR!

MN: Hey, there's an idea! When IrishRed loses this match and gets thrown out of the business he could get a job polishing boots for a living! Haha!

DM: When?

DT: Ryan not letting IrishRed recover; he grabs him by the neck and pulls him to his feet, drags him over to the hot dog stand and BASHES his face on it! There's a line of fans there just waiting to be served!

MN: What's he doing now- he's going behind the hot dog stand!

[RYAN: Hi, somebody order a weenie?]

DT: -- MY GOD, CHOKESLAM!!! CHOKESLAM!!! DAN RYAN WITH THE HUGE CHOKESLAM AND HE DRILLS IRISHRED THROUGH THE WEENIE STAND!!! GOOD GOD, THE CARNAGE!!! AND IRISHRED HAS BEEN BUSTED OPEN PRETTY BAD!!!

[RYAN: One jumbo-sized weenie, good to go!]

DT: THIS IS JUST DISRESPECTFUL AND SICK!! -AW, AND NOW HE PUTS THE FOOT ON IRISHRED'S CHEST!

One -

TWO -

IRISHRED KICKED OUT!!!

DM: What heart IrishRed has! He's not going to quit until he's given Dan Ryan everything he's got!

MN: No, he's gonna quit TONIGHT! Haha!

DT: Dan Ryan is not happy with this! He pulls a bloodied Red to his feet by the hair, and just belts him in the face! And again! Now picks him up press-slam style - my god, Ryan's CARRYING IrishRed through the lobby like a toy!

MN: Where's he goin'?

DM: Looks like he's heading for the exit!

DT: Ryan with IrishRed held high over his head, stops in front of the big glass front doors...GOOD GOD, HE'S GONNA THROW HIM THROUGH THE DOORS!!! NO! NO, BOSS, DON'T DO IT! GOOD GOD, DON'T DO IT -

DM: --HE DID IT!!! AAAH!!!

DT: MY GOD!!! DAN RYAN JUST HURLED IRISHRED AT THOSE GLASS DOORS AND SOMEHOW THE GLASS HELD!!! THERE'S A HUGE SPIDERWEB OF CRACKS WHERE RED HIT THE GLASS BUT IRISHRED DIDN'T BREAK THROUGH AND NOW HE'S ON THE FLOOR IN A HEAP!!!

MN: AWWWWH!

DM: IrishRed isn't moving, guys! He hit that door pretty hard!

DT: Ryan looking down at the limp IrishRed and SMIRKING! Now poking him with the toe of his boot!

MN: It's SO over.

DT: With a chuckle Ryan reaches down to pick up the limp IrishRed... my God... I can't believe he's gonna put him through more Hell!

DM: -- WAIT A SECOND, RED WITH THE DROP TOE HOLD--

***KSSSSSH***

DT: OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!! RED WITH THE DROP TOE HOLD AND DAN RYAN JUST WENT FALLING FORWARD TO SMASH THROUGH THAT GLASS DOOR!!! MY GOD, THE CARNAGE!!! THE CARNAGE!!!

MN: MY GOD, HE KILLED HIM!!! RYAN'S BLEEDING FROM A THOUSAND LITTLE GLASS CUTS!!!

DT: DAN RYAN WANTED TO SEND IRISHRED THROUGH THE GLASS BUT IRISHRED, IN DESPERATION, GAVE HIM A PIECE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE -- MY GOD, IRISHRED LEAPS THROUGH THE DOORFRAME!!! COLD SHOT!!! THAT KNEE TO THE KIDNEYS OF DAN RYAN!!!

MN: NO!!! IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!!!

DT: IRISHRED WITH THE COVER!!!

ONE!!!


TWO!!!



THREE!!!



--NO!!! REFEREE ROSENKRANTZ IS SAYING DAN RYAN GOT THAT SHOULDER UP IN TIME!!!

MN: YEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!

DM: Dan Ryan just got THROWN THROUGH A GLASS DOOR and had a KNEE SLAMMED INTO HIS KIDNEYS, and he still kicked out! I guess waiting to catch his wind back there while the staff beat up IrishRed paid off!

DT: IrishRed doesn't believe it! He rolls Dan Ryan over into the glass and starts POUNDING ON HIS FACE WITH BOTH HANDS, and oh god Dan Ryan's bleeding from all over his forehead!

MN: Look at what IrishRed's done to him! That's horrible!

DT: Those hard right hands to the SKULL of the owner of EPW, and IrishRed now coming to his feet - looking around for something he can use as a weapon! Looks like he's also bleeding from the forehead heavily! Guess he hit that glass pretty hard himself!

DM: Both of these men have taken a lot of punishment already!

DT: Uh-oh, IrishRed spots... something! He starts down the big flight of stairs leading up to the arena... hey, look, there's a couple of bums out there huddled around a burning drum of something!

MN: --Hahaha! IrishRed just pulled the coat off a bum!

DT: IrishRed with that ratty, smelly bum's coat held in both hands... my God... MY GOD IRISHRED JUST TOOK THE COAT BY THE SLEEVES AND WHIPPED THE OTHER END OF IT INTO THE BURNING DRUM!!!

DM: IRISHRED HAS A ******* FLAMING WHIP!!!

DT: DAMMIT, SOMEONE NEEDS TO STOP THIS MATCH!!! THIS IS JUST INHUMANE AND WRONG!!! IRISHRED STARTING UP THE STAIRS, THAT FLAMING COAT SPINNING ABOVE HIS HEAD!!! Ryan's just made it up to a knee!

MN: SOMEONE STOP HIM -

DT: IRISHRED WHIPS THAT FLAMING COAT ACROSS DAN RYAN'S BACK, AND RYAN IS SCREAMING IN AGONY!!! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!! GOD, IRISHRED AGAIN FLOGGING RYAN ACROSS THE BACK WITH THE FIREBRAND, AND LOOK AT THE ANGRY RED MARKS ACROSS DAN RYAN'S BODY!!! SOMEONE NEEDS TO STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

DM: IRISHRED HAS SNAPPED!!! LISTEN TO HIM CURSING AND HOWLING AS HE HAMMERS AT DAN RYAN WITH THAT FLAMING BUM COAT!!!

DT: THIS IS JUST INHUMAN!!! IRISHRED IS NOT LETTING UP!!!

DM: --RYAN SUDDENLY SPRINGS UP FROM THE GROUND AND SPEARS THE HOLY HELL OUT OF IRISHRED WITH ONE HUGE BURST OF ADRENALINE!!!

DT: SPEAR!!! THAT SPEAR COULD'VE KNOCKED OUT A BRICK WALL AND OH MY GOD BOTH MEN FALL OFF THE STAIR AND THEY'RE TUMBLING ALL THE WAY DOWN FROM TOP TO BOTTOM! LISTENING TO THOSE SICKENING THUDS AS DAN RYAN AND IRISHRED BOUNCE DOWN THOSE COLD AND UNFORGIVING CONCRETE STAIRS!!!

MN: AAAAH! They probably broke something!

DT: Well, looks like IrishRed dropped that flaming coat near the top of the stairs, but both men have hit the bottom and are lying there bleeding and hurt! I can't believe the carnage we have already seen tonight, but it looks like both men are starting to stir!

MN: Dan Ryan has been on the bad end of a lot of this stuff, but what goes around, comes around! IrishRed isn't gonna make it!

DM: They're slowly getting up!

DT: With a little help from the railing, Dan Ryan is the first to make it to his feet, however, unsteadily... IrishRed on his hands and knees, crawling across the concrete... Ryan staggers after him... pulls him to his feet and SLAMS him face-first into - wait, that wasn't there a minute ago!

DM: It's a bus! Ryan just slammed IrishRed into the side of a Greyhound bus that just pulled up!

MN: Maybe when Red loses this match he can DRIVE that bus for a living!

DT: Ryan turns Red around - chop across the chest! Red reverses him! Chop! Another chop! Ryan reverses again! Now Red - and they've reversed their way to the door and - WHAT THE HELL LOOK WHO JUST JUMPED OFF THE BUS!!!

MN: IT'S ICE TRE!!!

[Leaping out of the bus with a chortle, Ice Tre brandishes a 2x4! Both Ryan and IrishRed seem thrown off by the distraction.]

DM: IrishRed is, of course, yet ANOTHER participant in the upcoming King of the Cage tournament and -- Tre is cocking back with that heavy 2x4!!

DT: He SWINGS for RED! RED DUCKS!!!

MN: Tre BLASTS the BOSS with a 2x4!!! Dan Ryan goes down!! Ice Tre drops it in shock and dismay!!

DT: Irish Red KICKS Tre in the gut, hooks him -- DDT ONTO THE 2X4!!! Tre is busted open!!

DM: And Irish Red goes right back on task, going after Dan Ryan with that 2x4!! Tre is being helped away by those two bums, he is bleeding proFUSEly!

DT: What a NIGHT!

MN: You gotta hand it to Tre, the stupid bastard! He takes a beating and keeps on coming!

DT: But he just inserted himself into a WARZONE!

DM: Welcome to EPW, Ice Tre!!!

DT: Now Red pulling Dan Ryan to his feet... slams him against the side of the bus - which happens to be the OPEN DOOR and BOTH MEN tumble aboard the Greyhound!

[CUT TO: The bus. The passengers gasp in surprise.]

DM: Dan Ryan and IrishRed are on a bus!

DT: Ryan manages to shove Red up against the toll box and starts hammering at the head and shoulders - Wait a minute, the bus driver just broke it up!

[DRIVER: No shenanigans on the bus!]

MN: What?! This isn't shenanigans, it's wrestling!

DM: Ryan and Red just look at the bus driver, and I think they're both out of it!

[DRIVER: C'mon, pay the fares!]

DT: I don't think Dan Ryan realized it, but he's just pulled out a crisp new twenty-dollar bill from his trunks and paid the bus driver!

[DRIVER: Siddown. Next stop, Vegas!]

DM: VEGAS?!

MN: WHAT?!

DT: MY GOD, DAN RYAN AND IRISH RED ARE ON A GREYHOUND BUS TO VEGAS!!! And now they're looking at each other, realizing what's happening... Red DECKS RYAN IN THE FACE BUT THE BUS DRIVER BREAKS IT UP!!!

[DRIVER: HEY! I said NO SHENANIGANS!!!]

DM: Wait a...

DT: Ryan and Red looking at each other again, looking at the referee David Rosenkrantz who is ALSO on the bus...

MN: But... but what's gonna happen to the match?!

DT: Well, I dunno, but Ryan and Red are shuffling to the back of the bus and taking their seats, with the referee between them, and it looks like we're going to Vegas!

MN: But- but the match!

DT: I... don't know what's going to happen, Neels, but I guess we'll have to take a break and move on to the next contest while Dan Ryan and IrishRed are on the road to the City of Sin!

DM: Man... this match is NOT over! We will come RIGHT back to watch the action!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Dan and Paul disappoint the Social Club

[Cut to backstage. The team of Richard Farnswirth and Chip Friendly stands together in the staging area leading to the arena floor. Slambo the Clown lurks behind their shoulders. A ring technician with a headset peeks in from around the corner leading to the stage.]

Ring Tech: Two minutes, gentlemen.

[As the tech disappears, the HPSC continues to silently meditate while they stretch and loosen their appendages. Unexpectedly, Paul Freeman steps into the frame. Farnswirth greets him with a seemingly disgusted expression.]

Paul Freeman: And just what do you think you’re doing?

[Farnswirth flashes him a smug grin, and despite being below his height, somehow manages to stare down his nose at the EPW Commissioner.]

Richard Farnswirth: I’m merely going to do the one thing I do best: Save your puissant federation from extinction.

[Freeman looks on confused.]

Freeman: Funny you should say that as the ratings tend to go DOWN when you fail to promote a match. And, the boss believes that if you’re only going to bring this federation down, Richard, then maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to put you in the ring…

[Farnswirth’s eyes suddenly go wide.]

Richard Farnswirth: You’re not suggesting…

Freeman: Sorry, but the boss says that if you can’t be bothered to promote the match, then I can’t allow you to compete tonight. Sorry, but this week it’s Chip and the clown. Good luck to ya.

[With a triumphant smirk, Freeman walks away. Infuriated, Richard Farnswirth attempts to follow, but is restrained by Chip and Slambo.]

Richard Farnswirth: Ryan would do this to me at WRESTLEVERSE?! Boy, is he gonna pay for this……

[Cut back to ringside with Dave, Mike, and Dean.]

MN: I don’t believe it! Did you just see that?

DT: I don’t believe it either, Mike, but I just saw it. Dan Ryan, owner and general manager of Empire Pro, has just RESTRICTED Richard Farnswirth from competing tonight and he’s not even here! He’s on a bus to LasVegas!!

DM: Can he do that?

DT: You should know by now, Dean, that Dan Ryan does whatever he damn well pleases. If anything, I can at least respect the fact that he’s leveling the playing field.

MN: Can you imagine the balls that guy must have? Farnswirth does not take lightly to insults like this…

 

[DBrunkGXW]

CCP vs. HPSC - plus, you'll have to read this for yourself...

[“Headstrong” by Trapt begins to play over the PA.]

DT: Regardless… it seems as though the show must go on.

[Cameron Cruise and Joey Melton appear and receive a sizable pop, save for a number of jeers directed at Melton. The two of them confidently approach the ring.]

DT: The former tag team champions are coming to the ring now… but man, how is it going to affect the gameplan of the Highland Park Social Club now that Farnswirth’s out?

DM: Affects them on a lot of levels, Dave.

MN: You know, as much as I respect the brilliant minds of Highland Park Social Club, I don’t think the team had a chance against Joey Melton, regardless of who was wrestling this match.

[As Cruise and Melton pace the ring, “Don’t Worry Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin begins to play. The arena fills with boos as Chip Friendly and Slambo the Clown appear at the top of the stage. Richard Farnswirth is nowhere to be seen.]

DT: Oh, what’s this? Chipper and Slambo coming to the ring without Richard Farnswirth?

DM: I’m being told that Richard Farnswirth is being restrained backstage, as Dan Ryan has officially barred him from accompanying his team to the ring tonight!

MN: Ew… Dan Ryan’s going to have his lawyer’s in his ear for the next week after this incident.

[Chip Friendly and Slambo the Clown hit the ring and show off their titles to the booing audience in mass. After handing off the belts to the ref, they go to their corner to warm-up while Cruise and Melton say a few things to each other before the match begins.]

DT: Looks like this one is going to start off with Chip and Joey…

MN: It’s only natural that the man who finishes this match starts it off…

DT: There’s the bell! Melton and Chipper circling each other for a bit… and they lock up with a collar and elbow hold! Chip quickly overpowers and puts Melton into a headlock!

DM: Melton quickly slips out and reverses with a hammerlock!

DT: Chip counters with a blunt elbow to the face, and Joey backs off, rubbing his chin!

DM: You can always expect a great technical face-off between these two competitors.

MN: I never understood the whole “technical” thing. What matters is who puts the other guy’s ass on the floor.

DT: The two lock up again. This time, Melton gains the upper hand and goes for a hip-toss—which Chip Friendly quickly counters with an arm wrench! Melton follows through with the hold by flipping onto his back, and quickly goes for a standing Fujiwara Armbar! Friendly responds by finding Melton’s leg and going for a side leglock—but is immediately derailed with a boot to the face. Both men roll to their feet, and another face-off ensues.

MN: My God, I just went cross-eyed.

DT: Incredible performance from these two individuals! This is TRULY a test of skill!

DM: They’re evenly matched at this point. This is like watching a chess game, with every move carefully calculated and thought through. But at this point, you’ve gotta devise a plan to get the edge.

DT: The two go for another lock-up. Friendly quickly goes for a knee, but Melton catches him by the leg and immediately nails him with a low blow! OOOH!!

DM: Ouch… well, I guess when all else fails, THAT will give you the edge you need.

MN: HAHAHAHA!! That’s Joey for ya. You give him the challenge, and he thinks a way through it. That’s the ONE THING that separates him from everyone else.

DT: Melton takes a threat from the referee, and now he’s making his move… Chip back to his feet, but Melton quickly catches him with a BULLDOG!

MN: Friendly attempts to rise… but Melton quickly follows up with a low dropkick to the face!

DT: Joey Melton has officially turned this match into his favor!

MN: That didn’t take long at all…

DT: With Friendly rolling on the mat holding his face, Melton seizes the opportunity to wrap one of his legs into a single crab! Chip quickly reaches for the nearby bottom ropes as he writhes in pain. Melton ignores the referee’s first command to break the hold!

DM: The ref is giving him the count! One… two… three… four… and Melton releases the hold!

MN: My man Joey is in full control…

DM: We’ll see if he can maintain that kind of momentum with the referee giving him lip every other move…

MN: That’s just his tactic, man. Rules are simply in place so the weak have a fighting chance in this sport… a handicap on what TRUE talent really is.

DT: Chip Friendly slowly makes it to his feet while the Melton argues with the ref… and he sneaks up behind Melton with a roll-up from behind! There’s One… and Melton almost effortlessly muscles out!

MN: Whoa, WHAT—?!

DM: Both men quickly roll to their feet. Melton steps in with a clothesline—

DT: DUCKED by Chip Friendly, who bounces off the ropes and catches Melton off guard with a low sweep! Chip quickly follows up with an elbow to Melton’s back while he rises, knocking him forward into the ropes.

DM: Friendly… pushes Melton’s head down while his neck rests on the second rope, choking the air out of him!!

DT: The referee is counting… one… two… three… four… and Friendly backs off!

DM: Looks like your man is on the ropes, Mike.

MN: Horse****…

DT: What goes around comes around, I suppose.

DM: Friendly smashes his forearm over Melton’s head as he rises to his feet and leads him to his corner. He tags in Slambo the Clown and dumps Melton in the corner…

DT: Slambo steps in, and both men begin to double-team stomp Melton into the corner! Why isn’t the ref stopping this?!

DM: Cameron Cruise quickly hops into the ring to even things up, but is stopped by the referee! And now Slambo finds the opportunity to choke Melton with his foot!!

MN: That moron Cruise is just making it worse for Joey!

DT: At least he’s trying to come to the aid of his friend, Mike.

DM: The ref finally sends Cruise out of the ring, then turns around and discovers the massacre in the opposite corner. He quickly orders Slambo to stop the choke hold and tells Friendly to get back on the apron! Friendly goes outside as Slambo breaks the hold and brings Melton to his feet… and a HARD whip to the opposite corner sends Melton staggering into the center of the ring!

DT: Slambo quickly catches him with a Scoop Slam! On his feet… hits the ropes… and blasts Melton again with a Leg Drop over his face!

MN: He’s getting KILLED in there! This is preposterous!

DT: Slambo hooks the leg for a cover… ONE… TWO… Melton kicks out!

DM: Don’t worry, Mike… Melton’s not the kind of guy who goes down easily.

DT: Slambo brings the weary Melton back to his feet, quickly slaps on a waistlock from behind, and follows through with a hammering Pump-Handle Suplex! And he’s going for ANOTHER pin! One… Two… NO! Melton kicks out again!

DM: Slambo YANKS HIS HAIR with frustration! And now he’s going for another pin!

DT: Looks like Slambo’s looking to end this quick! One… Two—and Melton with a quick kick out!

MN: Stupid clown! You can’t pin Joey Melton! Well, maybe if you drop a Volkswagon on him in the right place… but even then, I’m sure he’ll somehow find a way to slip out of the hold and slap on a Crossface, or something.

DM: …wait, you’re suggesting that Joey Melton could reverse a Volkswagon being dropped on his head and lock a submission hold onto a car?

MN: A car that happens to be hurtling off the top of a parking lot, mind you!

DT: Slambo is angry that Joey Melton won’t stay down!! He begins to bring him up to his feet again… and Melton counters with a thumb to the eye! My God, the Melton-haters in the audience tonight are really letting him hear it for that one!

MN: Yeah-hah!

DM: Slambo, enraged, puts Melton back to the mat with a VICIOUS CLOTHESLINE!!

MN: Aw…

DT: Slambo nurses his eye for a bit… and now pain is replaced with fury! He quickly begins to stomp Melton at his place on the mat, and brings him back to his feet! Scoops him up... Uh-oh, Slambo looks to be going for a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER—

DM: No, wait!

DT: No wait, Melton’s legs are kicking in the air! Now he’s falling back… and he REVERSES THE HOLD WITH A PILEDRIVER OF HIS OWN!!

MN: YEE-HAW!! THERE IT IS!!

DM: Now’s his chance to get out of the ring…

DT: Melton quickly rolls to his corner and tags in the waiting Cameron Cruise. Cruise hits the ring to an IMMENSE crowd pop, putting a recovering Slambo back down on the mat with a heavy dropkick to the face!

DM: Slambo quickly comes back up, but Cruise, keeping the momentum, hits the ropes and puts him down again with a clothesline!

DT: And now CHIP FRIENDLY is looking derail Cruise, now ascending the near turnbuckle! He’s waiting for Cruise to turn around!!

DM: Cruise turns, and Friendly leaps off with an Axe-Handle Smash—OH NO!!

DT: Friendly quickly comes hurtling to the mat in a heap as Cruise knocks him out of the air with an AMAZING Dropkick to the midsection!

[Cruise hops to his feet and whoops, getting a huge charge from the audience!]

DT: Cameron Cruise has just lit this ring on fire!

DM: Looks like he saved Melton’s ass, Mike.

MN: Wait, wait, wait… let’s get something straight. Yeah, Cruise is in control of things at the moment. But NOBODY ever saves Melton’s ass, but MELTON! Never forget that, Matthews!

DT: Friendly rolls to the floor in pain, as does Joey Melon, leaving Cruise in the ring with a staggering Slambo.

DM: Cruise quickly catches him on his feet, hooks him around the head… and follows up with a beautiful Verticle Suplex! Cruise, back on his feet, hits the ropes and lands an elbow drop across the chest before rolling over for the cover!

DT: And now Cruise with the first pin attempt for the Cameron Cruise Project… ONE… TWO… and Slambo kicks out!

DM: Cruise has him momentarily stunned, but we all know that clown can take an awful lot of punishment before he goes down…

MN: He has to, considering he’s the HPSC whipping post…

DT: Both men rise quickly after the pin is broken. Cruise catches Slambo off guard with an Arm Drag, putting the clown to the mat again!

DM: Slambo sits up, but Cruise catches him in the back of the head with a low dropkick! Slambo quickly rolls to the corner to escape the assault and manages to get to his feet before being met by Cruise with an elbow to the face! Cruise goes for an Irish Whip to the opposite corner—

DT: REVERSED BY SLAMBO!!

DM: Cruise hits the other corner with a THUD!

DT: Slambo CHARGES… but is met with a BOOT TO THE FACE! Slambo turns away, staggering… giving Cruise the chance to hit the second rope and jump off with a BULLDGO THAT NEARLY PUT A DENT INTO THE CANVAS!!

DM: Cruise rolls him over and hooks the leg for a pin…

DT: And here’s the pin! ONE… TWO… NO!! Slambo manages to kick out…

MN: Bah… if Melton had his kind of control, and came into the ring with that same level of momentum, this match would be over by now!

DM: You really think so, Mike?

MN: No doubt. Joey would have had that stupid human punching bag slapping the mat in agony by now…

DT: Cruise tries to keep the momentum going by bringing Slambo to his feet and locking on a front-face headlock, looking for a Swinging Neckbreaker—but Slambo quickly reverses it with a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!

DM: Cruise painfully comes to his feet, but is winded instantly with a sidekick from Slambo to the midsection that causes him to collapse on his knees! Slambo follows up with an angry knee to the side of his head that puts him on the mat, and stomps furiously until the referee orders him back!

MN: No, NO! Cruise, you idiot! Had a feeling Cruise was going to screw this up eventually. That was a PRIME moment to tag in Joey and give him the opportunity to end this thing!

DM: To be honest, Mike… Joey still looks like he’s recovering out there on the apron.

MN: Are you BLIND, Dean? Well, maybe not blind… but obviously not intelligent enough to realize that Melton’s only FEIGNING exhaustion and pain!

DM: …what?

MN: It makes his opponents think, “Hm, Joey Melton’s looking a little tired! I guess this won’t be so hard!” And then they let their defenses down, and that’s just where he wants them! Next thing you know… BAM!! He catches them when they least expect it, and it’s game over.

DM: Game over?

MN: Game over, man! Game over!

DT: If you’re done with your Bill Paxton impressions, Mike, we’ve got a match to call…

MN: You two donkey-dicks couldn’t get laid in a morgue!

DM: Shut up, Mike…

DT: Slambo waits for the dazed Cameron Cruise to get to his feet using the ropes… and quickly hits him over the back with an Axe-Handle Smash to keep him stunned! He capitalizes by spinning Cruise around and dropping him with a FRONT RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!!

DM: Still in control, Slambo gets Cruise to his feet and takes him to his corner… and now he tags in Chip Friendly, smiling that good ol’ smile of his!

DT: Slambo holds Cruise from behind as Friendly measures him up and CHOPS him across the chest!

DM: WHOOOOO!!

DT: Why does everybody “WHOO” every time somebody chops another guy?

MN: It’s what you’re supposed to do, Dave! God, how long have you been watching this sport again?

DM: Yeah, Dave, get with the freaking times!

DT: Friendly throws Cruise into the corner where he lays in ANOTHER knife-edge chop across the chest!

DM: WHOOOOO!!

DT: Whoo.

DM: No, no, you gotta give it more emphasis…

DT: Friendly lays in a THIRD chop!

DM: WHOOOO!!

DT: Whoo-ooo-oo…!

MN: Damnit, Dave… remind me not to invite you to my Superbowl Party.

DM: Back in the ring, Friendly pries the red-chested Cameron Cruise from the corner and drops him with a Snapmare!

DT: And Chip Friendly locks on the DRAGON SLEEPER!! Cruise is in danger of tapping out!

DM: Maybe… but I think Cruise can go a little further than this…

MN: Bah… I see Cruise is doing what he does best.

DM: What’s that, Mike?

MN: Taking all the hits, naturally. He sits in there and lets the other team beat the hell out of him until they tire themselves out. That makes them easy pickens for Melton to finish them off!

DT: Cruise attempts to bring himself closer to the ropes, but Friendly keeps him centered in the middle of the ring!

DM: And now Melton, either out of urgency, sympathy, or more likely boredom, steps into the ring… and he breaks up the hold with a stiff kick to Chip Friendly’s back!

DT: The referee quickly gets in his face, but chaos ensues as Friendly pushes the ref aside and meets Melton with a shot to the face! Melton returns it, and the two start going toe to toe!!

DM: And now Slambo hits the ring to come to Friendly’s aid, but is quickly tripped up by a recovering Cameron Cruise!

DT: Uh-oh, here we go…

DM: The referee is totally losing control of this thing… he’s focused on getting Melton out of the ring, but he’s a bit tied up as overpowers Friendly in the punching war and moves him into the corner!

DT: On the opposite side of the ring, Cruise is taking a beating from Slambo. And now he takes ahold of him by the arm—

DM: —and Melton whips Chip Friendly out of his corner—

DT: —where Cameron Cruise meets him in the middle of the ring with a CLOTHESLINE!!
DM: Cruise slowly turns around… only to be HAMMERED to the mat by Slambo the Clown, who comes charging out of the corner with a running Shoulder Block!

DT: Melton quickly charges out of his own corner and levels Slambo with a dropkick!

[With three men on the ground, Melton finds the opportunity to smirk and flaunt himself to the audience, most of whom boo.]

MN: HAHAHAHA!! There he is, JOEY MELTON at his finest!

DT: Melton ignores the referee’s orders and goes to the outside. Meanwhile, Cruise and Friendly are the first to recover in the ring. As they come to their feet, Cameron quickly goes for a swinging right hook—which Friendly ducks, and quickly follows up with a BACK SUPLEX, dropping Cruise on his back near his corner!

DM: Joey Melton just looks down at him and shakes his head… and now he’s reaching out for the tag. Cruise holds out his hand… but is denied as Friendly drags him back into the middle of the ring!

DT: Nowhere to go for Cameron Cruise… you almost have to wonder why Joey didn’t do more to help him gain control of this match during his time in the ring.

MN: It’s because Melton knows that only the strong survive in this game. And until Cruise can fight back, he isn’t WORTHY of Melton’s help!

DT: Cruise coming to stand on his right leg while Friendly has ahold of his left… goes for a REVERSE ENZIGURI—WHICH FRIENDLY DUCKS!! Friendly whips into the corner by the leg… and capitalizes with a BODY SPLASH!!

DM: Friendly takes him out of the corner by the arm… looks to whip him off the ropes—but Cruise reverses, and CLOTHESLINES HIM TO THE OUTSIDE!!

DT: Friendly LANDS ON HIS FEET! Great sense of balance there… but Cruise hits the other ropes, and JUMPS TO THE OUTSIDE WITH A CROSS-BODY BLOCK ONTO CHIP FRIENDLY!!

DM: The two of them are out on the floor next to the ring while Melton watches in dismay from the nearest apron… but now Slambo is coming into the ring while he and the ref are distracted, and HE JUST KNOCKED JOEY MELTON OFF THE APRON AND INTO THE BARRICADE!!

MN: THAT IDIOT CLOWN!! He’s gonna pay for that…

DT: Slambo rolls outside, and now all four men are before us at ringside! Slambo pulls Melton off the barricade, and SLAMS his head into it again!

DM: Cruise slow to get back on his feet… but meets a weary Chip Friendly, and drops him to the lightly padded CONCRETE FLOOR WITH A SNAP SUPLEX!!

DT: Slambo rams Melton’s head into the barricade AGAIN… and for a THIRD—NO, MELTON GETS HIS FOOT UP AND BLOCKS IT!! And now SLAMBO gets his head rammed into the barricade! And Melton takes Slambo by the hair and drives him into the nearest ringpost!!

DM: On the other side of the ring, Cruise takes Chip Friendly by the arm AND WHIPS HIM INTO THE STEEL STEPS!! Now he rolls him inside…

DT: And Melton rolls Slambo into the ring… now he scales up to the apron, and he’s going to UP THE TURNBUCKLE!!

DM: Cruise up the steps to the apron… and he’s going up his OWN turnbuckle!!

DT: The Cameron Cruise Project are perched upon opposite corners, and now Chip Friendly and Slambo the Clown are coming to their feet!

DM: Cruise and Melton… with a DOUBLE MISSILE DROPKICK FROM BOTH RINGPOSTS!! CRUISE ON SLAMBO!! MELTON ON FRIENDLY!!

DT: THEY SWITCHED TARGETS!! SIMPLY AMAZING!!

MN: You might find this hard to imagine, but a good 90% of the reason why that looked good was because of Joey Melton.

DT: Simply unbelievable… the Cameron Cruise Project has really got this crowd going! Cruise and Melton confer briefly, and now the ref is making Melton the legal man!

MN: About friggin’ time…

DT: Melton nudges Slambo out of the ring and goes for the pin on Chip Friendly! ONE… TWO… THR—NO!! Friendly manages to kick out…

DM: Was almost over right there…

MN: In fact, I’m pretty sure Melton was behind BOTH of those missile dropkicks.

DM: You’re saying that in one Missile Dropkick, Melton took out two opponents?

MN: Sounds impossible, right? Not with Joey Melton!!

DM: You’re inflating him to the likes of Chuck Norris.

MN: Norris ain’t got **** on Melton, Dean!!

DT: Now it’s time to watch Melton work his magic… he brings Friendly to his feet, and runs him into the ropes… KNEE TO THE GUT as he bounces off, sending him FLIPPING to his back! Melton keeps ahold of the arm, and hits him with an elbow drop inside the shouler!

DM: He’s gonna work those limbs down, make them too sore and weak to be functional… as a mat wrestler, like Friendly, you’re practically crippled when you’ve got no arms to work with.

MN: Poetry in motion, fellas.

DT: Joey Melton slaps on an armbar, and Chip Friendly looks like he’s in a lot of pain! Friendly quickly tries to reposition himself to work his way out, but Melton mounts his back keeping him pinned to the mat!

DM: Friendly reaches out for the bottom rope, but Melton strains the held arm to drag him away! Friendly trying to twist himself the other way… and THERE, he managed to slip his arm out, but now Melton has him in a Scissor Leglock, and locks on a REAR NAKED CHOKE!!

DT: NO!! Friendly gets his hand up in between Melton’s arm and his neck to protect his breathing! With his free arm, he’s going for a series of elbows into Melton’s body!!

DM: Melton looses up the hold, and now Friendly tries to roll to safety… but Melton quickly snatches him with a Front Facelock! Melton catches Friendly with a knee to the gut…

MN: DRILLS HIM WITH A BRAINBUSTER!! GOOD NIGHT, FRIENDLY!!

DT: Melton goes for the pin… FEET ON THE ROPES!!

DM: But the ref doesn’t see it!!

DT: ONE……. TWO………….. THREE—NO!! Slambo dives into the ring and kicks Melton off before a successful three count…

DM: Cruise in the ring now, and he catches Slambo before the ref can order him out of the ring! Now it’s Slambo and Cruise going toe to toe!!

DT: Melton watches the mauling while the ref tries to get things in order, and meanwhile, Friendly getting to his knees… why is he edging up behind Melton…?

DM: OOOH!! THAT HURT!!

DT: Chip Friendly with a BLATANT LOW BLOW to Joey Melton while the ref was distracted!!

MN: Aw COME ON!! Whatever happened to Joey Melton’s legendary balls of gold?!

DM: Chip Friendly FLOORS Melton with a REVERSE DDT!! And now he comes upon Cameron Cruise, still in fisticuffs with Slambo… BIIIIIG GERMAN SUPLEX PUTS HIM ON HIS BACK!!

MN: No, seriously… Melton’s balls ARE made of gold.

DM: What?

MN: It’s this old professional wrestling urban legend… that when Joey Melton was first presented his CSWA World Title back in ’88, he had them melt it down and used the gold as protective plating for his testicles… making them impenetrable to any force known to man!

DM: Mike… number one, that story is the biggest piece of **** I’ve heard. Number two, gold is a very malleable metal, known to bend or break under enough duress.

DT: What in God’s name are you two blabbering about?

MN: Two things that are worlds more important than YOU, Thomas! You’re hardly worthy enough to support them on your forehead, should such an occasion arise…

DT: Back to the match… The Tag Team Champions have finally got this match in their favor. Friendly is giving commands to Slambo, who picks Melton off the mat, and CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER THE ROPES TO THE OUTSIDE!!

DM: Now Friendly gets Cruise up to his feet… Melton is slow to get up outside, and Friendly whips Cruise to Slambo—who hits him with a BACK BODY DROP TO THE OUTSIDE ON TOP OF MELTON!!

MN: BAH!! Deadweight…

DT: Melton pushes Cruise off of him and the two get to their feet… and now Friendly hits the ropes and comes running to Slambo!!

DM: Slambo CATAPAULTS HIM OVER THE ROPES—AND CHIP FRIENDLY COMES CRASHING DOWN ONTO THE CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT!!

DT: MY GOD, what a move!

MN: I’m not here right now…

DM: Kiss your fifty bucks goodbye, Mike. Slambo rolls out of the ring, and helps Chip back to his feet… and now Friendly goes to Cruise, and Slambo goes to Melton!

DT: Chip Friendly gets Cameron Cruise to his feet and leads him to the steel stairs he was whipped into a few minutes ago! Friendly hoists him UP—DROPS HIM WITH A FRONT-FACE SUPLEX ON THE STEEL STEPS!!

DM: Slambo is leading Joey Melton up the rampway… now that’s a steel surface, no padding at all! Slambo gets Melton up to his feet… OH MY GOD!! THE LAST LAUGH ON THE RAMPWAY!! JOEY MELTON HAS BEEN LAID OUT!!

DT: Meanwhile, the Chipper rolls Cruise into the ring and slides inside, going for the pin!

DM: Are they even the legal men?

DT: Who knows? ONE………….

TWO………………..


THREE—OH WAIT, NO!! CRUISE KICKS OUT!!

MN: He BETTER have! There’s no reason why he should blow this match!!

DT: Melton and Slambo are still having it out on the rampway!! Slambo scoops Melton up and SLAMS HIM DOWN WITH A SPINEBUSTER up on the entry-way stage!! Kinda far from the action, don’t you think?

DM: Slambo’s doing exactly what Chip told him. Keep Melton far away while he tries to finish off Cameron Cruise!

MN: Because everybody knows Cruise is the weaker link! Damn HPSC… I hate to admit it, but that’s a damn smart tactic if you want a win over Joey Melton.

DT: Back in the ring, friendly pries Cruise off the mat and whips him into the ropes… DROP TOE HOLD DROPS HIM ON HIS FACE!!

DM: Note that he’s working on Cruise’s face!! He’s setting him up for his finisher…

DT: I think you’re right, Dean! Friendly takes Cruise by the back of the head and SLAMS IT REPEATEDLY into the mat! The ref breaks it up…

DM: Back over in another state, Slambo gets Melton to his feet and locks on an arm wrench… BUT MELTON REVERSE!! And Melton CHOPS Slambo to his back!!

MN: At least SOMEBODY’S taking charge!!

DT: Melton gets Slambo back to his feet… leads him to the END OF THE STAGE—OH MY GOD!!!

*CRASH!*

DT: MELTON JUST THREW SLAMBO OFF THE STAGE AND THROUGH A TABLE!! MELTON THREW HIM THROUGH THE TABLE WITH ALL THE PA CONTROLS!!

[Feedback fills the arena. The audience moans in audial pain until it subsides. “Headstrong” by Trapt begins to play.]

MN: What the hell is going on?

DT: Obviously we’re having some technical difficulties as the body of Slambo the Clown has all but crushed our sound equipment…

[The music begins to skip, and finally goes to fuzz until somebody pulls the plug backstage.]

MN: Thank God…

DT: Our ring crew will get to work on fixing that situation… Slambo, meanwhile, is just a motionless HEAP at the bottom of the stage! Melton is taking the time to catch his breath…

DM: Back in the ring… Chip Friendly mounts Cruise’s back… AND LOCKS ON THE SMILEY FACE!!

DT: Oh no, CRUISE HAS NOWHERE TO GO!! HE CAN ONLY TAP TO SAVE HIMSELF NOW!!

MN: My God, imagine how PAINFUL that is to have him pulling back on your mouth like that! GAWD!!

DT: The ref is checking if Cruise wants to tap, but he refuses! My God, Friendly looks like he’s ripping his FACE in half!!

DM: Melton sees the trouble, and COMES STREAKING DOWN THE RAMPWAY!!

MN: HERE HE COMES!!

DT: CRUISE LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO TAP—BUT MELTON ROLLS INSIDE THE RING!!

DM: Melton with a CLOTHESLINE to the back of Chip Friendly’s head, and breaks the hold!! He just saved this match from being over!!

MN: Thank God… Melton saves the day once again!

DT: Friendly quick gets back to his feet, but Melton catches with a kick to the gut and goes for a DDT!! Melton rolls over for the cover…

ONE……….


TWO……….


THREE—OH NO, FRIENDLY KICKS OUT!!

MN: DAMNIT!!

DM: Melton is looking to end this now! He’s taking Chipmeister by the legs… and going for the FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK!!

DT: No wait, Chip Friendly is fighting… and KICKS MELTON OFF before he can get the hold locked in!!

DM: Wait a minute, it looks like Slambo has finally recovered over by the stage… and here he comes running back down to the ring with a CHAIR in hand!!

MN: That stupid clown better not do what I think he’s going to do…

DT: Melton puts Chip Friendly to the mat with a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX… and now he sees Slambo the Clown coming into the ring with that chair!!

DM: The referee is there to stop him, and now he’s trying to pull the chair out of Slambo’s hands! Melton is prepared for the worst, and… wait, what is Chip Friendly doing?

DT: It looks like he’s pulling a pair of BRASS KNUCKLES OUT OF HIS TIGHTS!!

DM: Melton turns around… BAM!! FRIENDLY CATCHES HIM WITH A BLOW TO THE JAW WITH THAT ILLEGAL OBJECT!!

MN: OH THAT RAT BASTARD!! Chip Friendly is not friend of mine!!

DT: Friendly tosses the evidence and hooks Joey Melton’s leg for the pin!!



ONE!!!!!!



TWO!!!!!!!







THREEE—OOH NO NO NO!! CRUISE BREAKS IT UP!!

MN: OH MY GOD, I nearly had a heart attack!!

DM: Looks like Cameron Cruise isn’t all THAT worthless, Mike.

MN: He’s good when he screws his head on right…

DT: Cruise drags Friendly to his feet… and the Chipper goes for a right—BLOCKED by Cruise!! Cameron counters with a boot to the gut… and a HIGH IMPACT DDT!!

DM: Friendly isn’t looking too good… and now Melton is back on his feet, and HE’S GOING AFTER SLAMBO!! MELTON JUST KNOCKED HIM OFF THE APRON!!

DT: Cruise brings Chip Friendly to his feet… SHIPWRECK!! SHIPWRECK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING, THIS ONE IS OVER!!

DM: Melton makes the pin as Cruise goes to the outside…

DT: ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!









TWO!!!!!!!!!!




TTHHHHERREEEE—OH WAIT, NO, FRIENDLY KICKED OUT!!

DM: How in the HELL did he manage to do that?!

DT: It’s no wonder these two carry the tag titles…

MN: Damnit… if it had been MELTON doing that move, this thing would be over by now!!

DM: HPSC doesn’t go down without a fight…

DT: Joey Melton can’t believe it… he sends Cameron Cruise to the outside… and now he looks to finish things off by slapping on THE FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK ONTO CHIP FRIENDLY!!

MN: Alright, IT’S OVER!!

DM: FRIENDLY HAS NOWHERE TO GO!! HE HAS TO TAP!! GOD, HOW IS HE BEARING THAT PAIN?!

DT: Joey Melton COULD END THIS RIGHT NOW!! HOW LONG WILL THE CHIPMEISTER HOLD OUT?!

DM: Wait, SLAMBO COMES INTO THE RING WITH THE CHAIR—

MN: NO!! STOP THAT STUPID CLOWN!!

*WHACK!*

DT: SLAMBO JUST TOOK OUT THE REF WITH THE CHAIR!! OH THE HUMANITY!!

*WHACK!!*

DM: SLAMBO TAKES OUT MELTON WITH A CHAIRSHOT!! Cruise hits the ring—

*WHACK!!*

DT: AND SLAMBO PUTS HIM DOWN WITH ANOTHER CHAIRSHOT!! MY GOD, SLAMBO THE CLOWN IS CLEANING HOUSE!!

MN: FOOL!!

DT: Slambo tries to help Chip Friendly to his feet, but the Chipper can barely stand on those weakened legs…

MN: El Chipperino may never stand again. Such is the fate of many who have fallen to Melton.

DT: Friendly rolls to the corner to recover, and now this match belongs to Slambo!

DM: Slambo sets the chair on the mat and brings the dazed Melton to his feet… sets him up on his shoulders… OH MY GOD, BIG DEATH VALLEY DRIVER ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!!

MN: This CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!

DT: Melton looks like the WALKING DEAD!! Slambo gets him to his feet… OH MY GOD, JOY BUZZER!! JOY BUZZER IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!! HE DRAGS CHIP FRIENDLY ON TOP!!

MN: ****!! I HATE THAT CLOWN!!!

DM: THIS ONE IS OVER!! BUT WHERE’S THE REF?!

DT: Slambo goes to wake the ref, who is still in La-La Land after that chairshot… but now Cameron Cruise is recovering, and he picks up the chair!!

*WHACK!!*

DM: AND SLAMBO IS STILL STANDING, EVEN AFTER THAT CHAIR SHOT!!

MN: I don’t believe it…

DT: Cruise picks up the chair to strike AGAIN!!

*WHACK!!*

*WHACK!!*

*WHACK!!*

MN: OH MAN, HE AIN’T STANDING ANY MORE!!

DT: MY GOD!! IT TOOK THREE CONSECUTIVE CHAIRSHOTS TO PUT SLAMBO DOWN!! MY GOD, HOW CAN A HUMAN BEING TAKE THAT MUCH PUNISHMENT?!

MN: It’s called NOT HAVING ENOUGH BRAINS TO DAMAGE!!

DM: Cruise drops the chair… and here comes CHIP FRIENDLY OUT OF THE CORNER!!

DT: Cruise meets him with a BOOT TO THE GUT!! REALITY CHECK ON THE CHAIR!! OH MY GOD!!

DM: JESUS BUTT-****ING CHRIST!! Cruise DRAGS THE UNCONCIOUS MELTON ON TOP and WAKES UP THE REF!!

DT: HERE’S THE COUNT!!




ONE!!!!!!!!






TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






TTTTTHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MN: YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

*ding!ding!ding!*

TF: The winner of this match, by pinfall… THE CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT!!!

DT: THEY DID IT!! CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT HAVE WON THE TAG TITLES!!

MN: THEY GOT IT BACK! I KNEW IT!!

DM: What an unbelievable match…

DT: Friendly and Slambo took it all the way, but in the end, couldn’t hold up without Richard Farnswirth’s leadership.

MN: Eh, with or without, this match belonged to Melton the entire time.

DM: Mike, Melton isn’t even awake to realize that he’s the newly crowned Empire Pro Tag Team Champion. Don’t you think Cruise deserves a little credit for making the save there in the end?

MN: That wasn’t Cruise. Joey Melton was controlling him WITH HIS MIND!!

DM: …with his mind?

MN: Yes, that’s Joey Melton’s other power, other than being a badass wrestler. Every time you see him limp in the ring looking like he’s out, he’s not really, he’s just projecting his mind into another body to do his bidding.

DM: …what the hell? Do you really BELIEVE the bull**** that comes out of your mouth?

MN: Hey, DON’T DENY the power of Melton.

DM: Why doesn’t he just do the work through his own body, then?

DT: Yeah, and shouldn’t you also account body weight into the matter? Does that make a difference in how much control he has over the other person’s body?

DM: Dave, just for one second, give me the impression that you’re NOT stupid enough to buy this ****…

DT: Well, regardless… INCREDIBLE performance from both teams, but TONIGHT, the CCP go home once again as the EPW Tag Team Champions.

[CUEUP: A slow oriental note hits. It slowly gives way to a slow Japanese techno-y sounding song.]

DM: What the heck is this?

[Flower petals begin falling from the rafters showering the fans and Cameron Cruise Project in the ring.]

MN: I dunno. The flowers are pretty though.

DM: Yeah Neels, it matches your eyes.

MN: Shaddup.

DT: Well I don’t know any more than you guys what this is but…

[Five geishas walk through the curtains and begin to make their way down the rampway. Three hold hand fans in front of their face, two others hold giant bouquets of flowers.]

DT: ….uh….we seem to have some company!

MN: The girls from earlier in the night! Yum yum!

[They make their way to the ring. The three with hand fans stand behind as the two with the bouquets hand one to Cameron Cruise, the other to Joey Melton. The fans then pop when the lights go out, and on the EmpireTRON a Japanese flag shows. Slowly, the white of the flag begins to rotate and new colors are added. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet… the colors of the rainbow. The lights slowly fade in as the curtains part.]

DT: Well, whoever this is certainly has a flair for the dramatic.

[Two more geishas walk out sprinkling more flower petals on the rampway. Then, behind them, in a kimono, fake black hair pulled up, makeup on, Beau Michaels steps out. He has his hands folded in front of him as he slowly walks.]

MN: Holy ****!!

DT & DM: Oh no.

MN: Wait a second! Beau Michaels!! What the? You mean? And this means he’ll probably…..oh.

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, Beau Michaels is in the house!! What an unbelievable turn of events, and I’m sure everyone here is more than aware of his history with one Cameron Cruise!!

DM: Yeah, you might say that for the new tag team champion…he’s about to have his first defense….

[Then, behind Michaels, the Chicken comes out, also in a kimono, his head white with “makeup” around the eyes. They make their way to the ring while Joey Melton and Cruise look on in the ring. Cruise does not look happy.]

DT: Is that….is that a CHICKEN???

DM: Yes…yes I believe it is.

[Michaels walks up the stairs and gets in the ring. The Chicken grabs a microphone and starts make exaggerated motions as an obviously pre-recorded tape plays over the loudspeakers. The voice sounds like Michaels’ actually.]

CHICKEN: CAMERON CRUISE!

[Michaels looks at the both of them, his fake eyelashes batting. He cocks his head in the direction of Cruise. The Chicken’s hands continue to move in exaggerated fashion while he nods his head up and down.]

CHICKEN: Have you missed the man standing in front of you? He’s missed you. The time has come, Cameron Cruise. BEAU-kozuna has come to take his man away from here. Submit yourself.

MN: Beau-kozuna!! That’s great!!

DM: Well sure it’s funny! But he said to submit, Neely!

MN: You mean he wants him to…..ewww!

DM: Exactly!

[Cruise slams his hand on the ropes in frustration. Joey Melton looks on amused and points at Cruise as if to say “go ahead and take him!” Cruise shoots him a dirty look.]

DT: Well I think Cameron Cruise is sick and tired of having to fight this guy off everywhere he goes!

CHICKEN: BEAU-kozuna .. has traveled far from Japan to make it to Wrestleverse.. and he will not leave empty handed.

[The three geishas with the hand fans suddenly jump forward, dropping them. Instead of three geisha girls, we see that they’re actually guys! Two grab the arms of Joey Melton, who looks horrified, and the third tackles him in the gut as they drive him into the corner. Cruise makes a b-line to stop them, but BEAU-kozuna steps in the way and grabs him.]

CHICKEN: CAMERON CRUISE! You shamed BEAU-kozuna. Now you will step aside.

DT: What the heck is that supposed to mean??

[Cruise, who was looking at the Chicken, does not see Michaels reach for him. By the time he looks back it is too late as Michaels .. err BEAU-kozuna .. grabbed his waist taking him over with a belly to belly suplex. The two other geisha girls, who were actually women by the way, hand him some sand salt. Cameron Cruise gets to his feet quickly, but is back down when Mic—BEAU-kozuna throws it in his eyes.]

CHICKEN: BEAU-kozuna has moved on, Cameron. He is here to give a proper honorable finish to your affair.

[Melton continues to struggle in the corner.]

CHICKEN: But you have been replaced, Cameron.

[Michaels.. dammit, BEAU-kozuna, gets to his feet as Cruise rolls around on the mat. He turns to the corner w/ Melton.]

CHICKEN: JOEY MELTON! You have a very honorable position in Empire Pro now. YOU .. are BEAU-kozuna’s … WHORE!

[Melton’s eyes open wide as BEAU-kozuna tears off his kimono, revealing … assless chaps! The crowd gasps!]

DT: GAH!!!

DM: MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!

MN: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!

CHICKEN: Enjoy your new … position, Joey Melton. For you have been truly blessed.

[Michaels runs a finger down from Melton’s chin to his chest, to his waist. He turns, though, and walks back to Cruise, who has gotten to his feet.]

CHICKEN: Unfortunately, Cameron Cruise, you are not so lucky…”

[Cruise turns … RIGHT INTO A BEAU-kozuna thrust kick! Cruise is floored and BEAU-kozuna drags him into the corner before climbing to the second rope.]

CHICKEN: Now … you shall feel the wrath … of a GAY-sha scorned.

[BEAU-kozuna turns facing the crowd as he begins to bounce up and down on the ropes in the corner. Melton is yelling at him, but cannot move as the three “gay-shas” have him locked. Michaels slaps his ass before screaming..]

BEAU-kozuna: BUNNS….. ZAI!

[Michaels flies off the turnbuckles, crashing down … with his assless chaps not protecting Cruise … as he comes down right on the face of CRUISE!! Cruise begins to jerk violently and BEAU-kozuna gets to his feet and bows. The Chicken tosses the microphone to the ground, as BEAU-kozuna and the two geishas leave the ring. The three GAY-shas let go of Melton and quickly roll under the ring ropes and run to BEAU-kozuna as Melton rushes to Cruise.]

DT: Holy moly! I think I’m scarred for life!! But it looks like Joey Melton is the new object of Beau Michaels…..

MN: That’s Beau-kozuna!!

DT: Whatever his name is! Joey Melton is now his focus it would seem.

DM: Lucky for Cameron Cruise!

DT: I feel like I need a bath.

MN: I thought it was hilarious!

DM: Maybe we could get Beau to come over and give you an autograph, Neels.

MN: YOU BETTER NOT BRING THAT FRUIT OVER HERE!!

DM: Hmm…I thought so.

DT: Folks, we’ll be right back. Wait a second! I’m getting word from the back that we’re getting a video feed….