French are People Too

[Packschmid]

(FADEIN: GUNS standing in front of the SHOWTIME banner, wearing a WrestleThon '03 T-shirt.)

GUNS: Funny - I don't remember Mike Randalls being a tiny little Frenchman. (Laughs.) Apparently Merritt isn't ready for the titans to clash JUST yet - apparently Merritt knows what I know - Mike Randalls the "hero", Mike Randalls the "savior", Mike Randalls the "protector" DIES the very second he climbs into the ring with the Strongest Arms in the World - and in his place comes Mike Randalls the "destroyer" - the REAL Mike Randalls - the Mike Randalls that Chad Merritt originally brought me back to defeat.

You see, Randalls, when you think about it - when you REALLY sit back and think about you - everything that's going on right now - the Intruders - it's on YOUR head. Chad Merritt let me back in this league for one reason and one reason only - to beat YOU in that tag team match a year and a half ago. Chad Merritt opened Pandora's Box on his own league just to get one over on YOU. And then you ran away, Mike, and let the CSWA suffer the consequences, and now you're back to play the hero - give me a break.

So, instead of things coming full circle at Showtime, I've got a match signed with Jean Rabesque. Jean, perhaps you may have noticed, but your people - well, let's face it - they're not too popular here in the U.S.A. right now. But me, Jean, I'm a fair guy, and I'm a CHARITABLE guy. I've come to believe that while the French may be cowardly, foul-smelling, unbearably rude sissies, they are people too, and they deserve RESPECT. Jean, in the spirit of WrestleThon '03 - in the spirit of CHARITY, which, let's face it, boils down to giving people that which they could not earn on their own, that which they do not really DESERVE - I give you the gift of RESPECT.

Because, Jean Rabesque, you can't EARN my respect. You certainly don't DESERVE my respect. But I'm giving it to you all the same. And out of respect, Jean, I'm going to give you the opportunity to do your people proud. I'm going to give you the opportunity to follow in the footsteps of your forefathers. I'm going to give you the opportunity to represent the French and do what the French do best.

I'm giving you the chance to SURRENDER, Jean. Right here, right now. Wave the white flag and step aside so the REAL men can do the fighting. Jean, I'm giving you the chance to stand down, back out of this contract, and let Mike Randalls take your place.

Jean, you can keep the match, you can come down to the ring, you can get your butt kicked all over Seattle, and become just another souvenir for some lucky fan. Or, you can do the right thing - you can SURRENDER - and in the process become a French hero.

The choice is yours, Jean.

Don't make the wrong one.

 

[SteveA]

(the screen comes in on a CSWA backdrop, where Jean Rabesque stands, wearing one of his custom t-shirts, and after removing his sunglasses, he speaks)

Rabesque: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Do some freakin' research! Anybody out there with half a brain? I came to the CSWA because I was told this was the place to be, this was the cream of the crop, and here I am, trying to justify what country I come from. I expected this from the other places I frequent, but I truly wished the CSWA would be different. But instead, I get GUNS, cutting an entire spot about something he knows nothing about. How incredibly bush league.

Let's set the record straight once and for all, shall we. GUNS, if you had been paying any attention whatsoever, you probably would have caught onto the fact that I've never even been to France. Hell, I don't really even care for the country. I grew up in Canada, and for the last ten years, I've lived in Ohio for crying out loud.

Yeah, I keep the name, because that's who I am, and that's what I'm about. I'm not about making up false names, I'm about NO FALSE GIMMICKS. Unlike some people, whose name would imply their parents were MACHETE and CANON, of course, in all CAPS.

But this is how I'm treated. I'm the best pure wrestler on the planet, a man with an unmatched, self-made technical pedigree, and I got GUNS thinking he's intelligent, and picking on my so-called heritage.

This, of course, goes on top of the fact that since I nearly became the number one contender for the CSWA World Heavyweight Title, the powers that be have pushed me all the way back down to the bottom of the ladder. Hell, I can't even get a title match for the Greensboro title I should have won back at BOB, much less a match for a legitimate title.

And then on top of that, I have to listen to GUNS moan and complain about how he wishes he had Mike Randalls instead of myself. Fine, I can respect that, and I can appreciate that, and I can also make sure I humble your ass the second you start thinking about Randalls when we get into the ring. I don't care who you are, what you've done, or what you hope to do. The reason is why is because on the mat, YOU ARE NOT AS GOOD AS I AM! And I will take you down, I will wear you down, and I will grind you into submission.

So, I have a question to throw back at you GUNS. Am I supposed to be afraid? Should I be intimidated? Did I miss a memo somewhere along the line? Who the hell do you think you are? I'm coming after you GUNS, and if you expect some kind of surrender, then you most not know that you're going into the ring with the man that has NEVER quit, submitted, or surrendered in my entire career!

So I suggest for your own sake that maybe you step out..... and you do a little research, so you have at least some idea of what is about to hit you. Sure, I might not like that much, I might not be that physically intimidating, but I'll make you pay. Look back one time for Randalls, and you're dead. "Nuff said. No false gimmicks, no false hype, I am Jean Rabesque.

(fade out)

 

[Packschmid]

(FADEIN: GUNS standing in front of the SHOWTIME banner, wearing the WrestleThon '03 T-shirt.)

GUNS: Wow, Jean - you certainly seem to be as touchy as a Frenchman would be. I'm sorry, Jean, for mistaking you for a Frenchman rather than what you really are - a resident of one of America's glorified colonies, Canada. I mean, the only reason Canada is a country at all is because it's too frickin' cold up there for us to live there.

But, I don't want to turn this into a country thing, or a gimmick thing. No false gimmicks - almost sounds like a slogan. Maybe you should print it on the back of your tights, or sell T-shirts with the phrase on it. Sure, you wouldn't sell HALF as much as these sweet babies I'm wearing, but a little extra cash never hurts. Of course, all proceeds from WrestleThon '03 T-shirts at Showtime will go to the charity of your choice, Jean. "Middle Management" Mike McGee should be sending you the proper forms in the mail - just be sure to fill them out in triplicate and return them.

Jean, I'll be honest. Before your little performance at Battle of the Belts, I'd never heard of you. If that offends you in any way, frankly, Jean, I don't give a damn. You can be from Canada, you can be from France, you could have been hiding in Mosul with Uday and Qusay for all I care, because no matter where your from or what your catchy non-gimmick slogan is - you're going to be across the ring from the Strongest Arms in the World. And trust me, Jean, I won't be thinking about Mike Randalls once that bell rings.

Jean, you think you're the best technical wrestler in the world. Well, there's about 80 guys out there who make that claim. Only one of you can be right, and frankly, Jean, I don't like your odds there. But even if you are as good as you think you are, Jean, there's one other slight problem. You see, I'm called GUNS for a reason - do you really think an armbar or a wristlock is going to scare me? While I do actually possess the ability to wrestle my way out of a paper bag, we all know that's not the biggest strength I bring to the table, Jean - you've never dealt with raw power like this. You think you can wrestle me to the ground and grind me into submission? Hornet's Scorpion Deathlock couldn't make me submit - Mike Randalls had to drive a STAKE through my knee to make me flinch - do you really think a short arm scissors is going to have me crying for my mother?

You don't want to surrender, Jean, that's your prerogative. If you asked 100 people on the street whether they'd rather see GUNS versus Mike Randalls or GUNS versus Jean Rabesque, I'll give you $500 if you can find one who would prefer to see you in that ring instead of Randalls. But, I don't really care what the fans want. Jean, you want your 15 minutes of fame - you want to stand in the ring against a living legend - you want me to toss your sorry French-Canadian ass into the third row - you got it.

No false gimmicks...no false hype...son, you're nothing special. You can be the best technical French-Canadian wrestler ever born, but at Showtime, you're not Jean Rabesque - you're just another souvenir for some lucky fan, courtesy of Third Row, Inc.

 

[SteveA]

Still not impressed

(the screen comes in on the CSWA backdrop, where Jean Rabesque stands, wearing his "NO FALSE GIMMICKS" gear)

Rabesque: Again, I remain shockingly unimpressed. And what is there to impress me? GUNS, you talk about how you're not going to turn this into a country thing, and then of course you ramble on about the country I was born in. Again, I guess you weren't paying attention. There is a reason I've lived in the United States for the past ten years. Sure, I am proud to be from Canada, a country that has produced far superior WRESTLERS than the United States ever has, but the U.S. is my home now. Last I checked, same as you. What do you want me to do? Change my name? Only people who are trying to cover up for some ridiculous lack of ability would do anything like that. I guess you could say it's similar to someone spelling their name is all CAPS.

You point out that there are 80 or so people that make the claim that they're the best wrestler on the planet. I'm sure there is, and there's not one of them out there in the world that has done anything to dispute my claim. But the thing is GUNS, right along the same token, I've faced hundreds of guys that claim to have "The biggest arms in the world." Yeah, and you all are roided out stiffs that crumble the second I get into the ring with you. As much as you might not want to acknowledge it, you're all the same. Bigger than life, ready to take out everyone and everything.

I guess you would think I'd be offended by the fact that you've never heard of me. That's kind of funny, because until I came to the CSWA, I had never heard of you. But then I went into BOB, unheralded, and I nearly became the #1 contender, and in the process, I outlasted you GUNS. I know you'll say it didn't matter, and the match meant nothing, but can you really substantiate you insinuations that I'm not in the same league as you? I stepped into the ring and went toe to toe.... with the almighty GUNS.

A lot of people haven't heard of me GUNS, we run in different circles. As much as you might not want to believe it, the circles I run in are just as good as the ones you've apparently been "dominating" for all this time. I've beaten men better than you, just like I'll take out at Showtime. I don't care how big you are, whose moves you've powered out of. None of that matters. All that does matter is that the two of us, men from different worlds, different circuits are going to collide.

Sure, if you go and ask Joe Schmo CSWA fan who'd they rather see, they'd say Randalls/GUNS, but there is an entirely new breed of fan coming to the CSWA. They're the people that have followed by career through all of its trials and tribulations. They're the ones that have always speculated what would happen when the day finally arrived? What would happen when Rabersque, the BEST WRESTLER THERE IS, finally walked across the bridge into the CSWA and took on some of their supposed best. They've seen all the possible combinations the CSWA has to offer, and this is something exciting and new.

So, you can treat me as some cast-off, and do nothing but display your ignorance GUNS. It matters none to me, because ignorance.... will get you killed. You mock and underestimate what you do not know, and you will pay for it. This isn't my fifteen minutes of fame, GUNS, you're not worth that. You don't have to respect me now, but I can guarantee that you soon will. And if you refuse to comply..... I WILL MAKE YOU. And that..... is a promise. No false gimmicks, no false hype, I am Jean Rabesque.

(fade out)

 

[Packschmid]

Bad Mood

(FADEIN: GUNS standing in front of the SHOWTIME banner, rubbing the back of his head.)

GUNS: Jean Rabesque, I feel sorry for you. Not because you are one of the countless dozens of guys in this sport who claim to be the best "wrestler" there is - as if you get paid more for pinning someone with a cradle or making them submit with a Fujiwara armbar than practically driving them through the mat with a powerbomb. Not because you're inevitable going to let down the 5 or 6 people who have followed your career here to the CSWA to see you step up in class and get exposed for the indy-level chump that you are.

No, Jean, I'm sorry for you because you have the unfortunate pleasure of facing me when I'm in a bad mood. I'll admit, Jean, that I've brought it on myself. I told the world that the Intruders and I were going to tear this place down brick by brick, and now the bricks are starting to fight back. It's the Intruders against the World, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Wildstar, Tsunami, the Silicon Witch, and some generic Mexican jumping bean - congratulations, I never saw it coming. You got your one free shot. You won't get another. Teri Melton, next time you bring your tramp ass out to ringside, WrestleThon '03 is going to take charity to the next level. That's right, we're giving away a WHORE to some lucky fan in the third row.

Jean, it was bad enough that Merritt decided to stick you into a slot that had been reserved for Mike Randalls. But now, you have the unfortunate assignment of suffering for the sins Teri Melton and her midget crew committed at On Time. The good news, Rabesque, is that you might actually get your hand raised in Seattle. The bad news is, the rest of your body might also get raised - up onto a stretcher.

Three seconds, Jean, is a pretty trivial time frame when you think about it. You may still need the ego boost of a little man in a striped shirt lifting your arm at the end of the night, but I've somewhat outgrown it.

Jean Rabesque, I'm coming to Seattle for one reason and one reason only - to inflict pain. You bring your wristlocks and your armbars. I'll bring the Strongest Arms in the World.

And when they finally wake you up in the hospital, you can be the judge of who has the better ammunition.

 

[SteveA]

And.....?

(the screen comes in on Jean Rabesque, wearing a CSWA Showtime shirt, standing in front of a CSWA backdrop, he promptly removes his shades and bandana and runs his hands through his short dark hair before speaking)

Rabesque: So I guess now is the time when I'm supposed to be intimidated? The " strongest arms in the world" have been angered and now I have to "endure the sins" of someone else. I guess now should be the time when I go in and crawl inside a hole. I guess now should be the time when I call it quits, head home, back up everything, and forget about all the things that I have built over the past many years. All because GUNS is pissed off!

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound GUNS? Is it absorbing that I don't care about the size of your arms, and you mental state going into our little encounter does NOTHING to scare me. And why would it? In fact, I hope this continues. I hope your pissed to all hell when you walk into that ring to face me. I hope you've never been angrier in your life? Why you ask? Because people in that state of mind....people who are distracted.... people who are looking to extract revenge.... make mistakes.

That's fine, GUNS, be pissed and screw up. It'll happen, it's happened to every other roid freak that's ever tried to intimidate me. Every other guy that wishes he was fighting someone else, and thinks that I'm beneath him. EVery other guy that I've humbled in the ring, despite being half their size. The names change, but the game remains the same, and you're right in the middle of it right now.

Will you get some punishment in on me? Of course you will. I'm not stupid enough to suggest otherwise. But to think you're going to.... put me in the hospital. You won't have your hands on me long enough to POSSIBLY inflict that kind of damage. Hell, you should be happy to have your hands on me at all. I'm going to provide a clinic in not only how to wrestler, but also how to take down the man that no one says can be taken down.

You're going to respect me GUNS, this I promise you. One way or another, you WILL respect me. Hopefully, you'll take it the easy way, like most have, but others have struggled and it wasn't so pleasant. The choice is simply yours, but I will gladly remind you once again that I remain thoroughly unimpressed. And if you think you're in for just another match against just another midcard slob, then you're in for the awakening of your life, and those ever valuable three seconds might find you staring up at the ceiling lights. No false gimmicks, no false hype, I am Jean Rabesque.

(fade out)