I'd ask for feedback, but you wouldn't give it.
http://www.defiancewrestling.com/content.php?p=results&id=77
http://www.defiancewrestling.com/content.php?p=results&id=77
GG15 is up
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QueenOfTheRing
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BigPimpin
League Member
The link at the beginning is broken.
Other than that, everything Ed White turned out well. The LBC/BDH stuff was fun. Both Rayne/Antiguas and Troy/Troy were good matches. The Griffin/Ryan/Scott stuff is solid storytelling. Frank's promo hit it out of the park, too. Loved the Trios title match. And the FIST did a good job of establishing that Eugene can do some wrestling, even subs if need be. Which is needed after, yanno, brawling all over God's creation with Ryan and Box.
On the bad side, while the Battle Royal was solid enough considering the circumstances, it was lacking by our standards. And I read the card before the corrections, which to me made some segs take a minute to make sense. And, y'know, production issues.
Definitely interested in knowing whose contracts are yes and whose are no. Also interested in what Dane went to do at the start of this show.
Other than that, everything Ed White turned out well. The LBC/BDH stuff was fun. Both Rayne/Antiguas and Troy/Troy were good matches. The Griffin/Ryan/Scott stuff is solid storytelling. Frank's promo hit it out of the park, too. Loved the Trios title match. And the FIST did a good job of establishing that Eugene can do some wrestling, even subs if need be. Which is needed after, yanno, brawling all over God's creation with Ryan and Box.
On the bad side, while the Battle Royal was solid enough considering the circumstances, it was lacking by our standards. And I read the card before the corrections, which to me made some segs take a minute to make sense. And, y'know, production issues.
Definitely interested in knowing whose contracts are yes and whose are no. Also interested in what Dane went to do at the start of this show.
SenorJames
DEFIANT Grandpa
Okay guys. I don't care if you give feedback like Damien and I do, but at least post once or twice in this thread and actually talk about the show. Who knows, we might be able to actually come up with more and better creative angles on things, which only improves our product and in turn, raises our stock when it comes to bringing in new people.
I haven't done the focused reading required to give point by point feedback, but I would like to point out a few things:
I liked how there are clearly angles which are weaving together and creating what feels like a larger world and not just segments stories told by different people. The key to this kind of storytelling has always been about creating layers underneath your primary story and I'm happy to see more people doing this.
I'd like to be able to sit down and give each match a good reading to give feedback on all of it, so if I'm able to do that soon, I'll feedback some more.
I liked how there are clearly angles which are weaving together and creating what feels like a larger world and not just segments stories told by different people. The key to this kind of storytelling has always been about creating layers underneath your primary story and I'm happy to see more people doing this.
I'd like to be able to sit down and give each match a good reading to give feedback on all of it, so if I'm able to do that soon, I'll feedback some more.
It's been awhile since I read a show in its entirety.
I enjoyed reading it, there's a lot of solid character development, stories and angles woven nicely in there.
My only compliant, is that Angus Skaaland has a serious case of multiple personality disorder, as with each new segement and match his personallity seemed to change. Keebler wasn't so bad, but Skaaland was all over the place from Jerry Lawler-ish, to Jesse Ventura-ish, to gangster-ish. Now I know the commentators are written by different people through out the show, but more consistancy in the commentating might help flow the show a little more.
Just 2 cents from a total spectator point of view.
I enjoyed reading it, there's a lot of solid character development, stories and angles woven nicely in there.
My only compliant, is that Angus Skaaland has a serious case of multiple personality disorder, as with each new segement and match his personallity seemed to change. Keebler wasn't so bad, but Skaaland was all over the place from Jerry Lawler-ish, to Jesse Ventura-ish, to gangster-ish. Now I know the commentators are written by different people through out the show, but more consistancy in the commentating might help flow the show a little more.
Just 2 cents from a total spectator point of view.
Jonathan Todd
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Just finished reading the show and I feel a bit sad afterwards. The show was good and all but the Kai Scott segment almost made me emotional. I really wanted to spike piledrive Booya and Ryan for interrupting Scott. I felt so bad that I almost PM'd Lee and offered up Penn. I actually cheered when Griffith showed up at the end, in the end the segment and the match did its job.
Now for the things that I thought were kinda vague: The battle royal needed more build up, I think it should have happened on the PPV. I want to know which contracts are yes's and no's and if he's dumping the contract or going to try and recruit from them.
That is all for right now.
Now for the things that I thought were kinda vague: The battle royal needed more build up, I think it should have happened on the PPV. I want to know which contracts are yes's and no's and if he's dumping the contract or going to try and recruit from them.
That is all for right now.
JeffOLW
League Member
I'm sorry you all didn't like the battle royal. It was James Pape's brainchild, and since James got sick none of the promotional material and none of the buildup ended up happening, and I did the best I could for a match with no hype, little point, and no bios on two of the characters who were supposed to be central to the angle/match.
The God-Beast
Member
Feedin' it back now, ya'll.
Edward White: Conqueror of DEFIANCE is a hell of a way to start the show. It's basically House Lannister gloating after [redacted: spoilers]. Though now I'm curious as to what Eric Dane did after ragequitting the night. My only hope is that the LBC saying sucks to the Blood Diamonds doesn't start up goddamn stable wars. I hate stable wars.
I wrote Troy/Troy. I hope ya'll enjoyed it.
I don't care what anyone says, I enjoyed the battle royal, even with all the hiccups in the buildup. I just hope JP gets well soon.
I wish we knew whose contracts got tossed.
Kai's segment sounded like a retirement speech, and honestly, I'm not sure what to think of it, given Kai's history as a cutthroat. Though the match afterwards and upcoming title match look good.
Best line of the night was "THEY ARE THE BRUTE SQUAD!"
Good stuff all around, especially for the external circumstances. Get well, Bubba.
Edward White: Conqueror of DEFIANCE is a hell of a way to start the show. It's basically House Lannister gloating after [redacted: spoilers]. Though now I'm curious as to what Eric Dane did after ragequitting the night. My only hope is that the LBC saying sucks to the Blood Diamonds doesn't start up goddamn stable wars. I hate stable wars.
I wrote Troy/Troy. I hope ya'll enjoyed it.
I don't care what anyone says, I enjoyed the battle royal, even with all the hiccups in the buildup. I just hope JP gets well soon.
I wish we knew whose contracts got tossed.
Kai's segment sounded like a retirement speech, and honestly, I'm not sure what to think of it, given Kai's history as a cutthroat. Though the match afterwards and upcoming title match look good.
Best line of the night was "THEY ARE THE BRUTE SQUAD!"
Good stuff all around, especially for the external circumstances. Get well, Bubba.
SenorJames
DEFIANT Grandpa
EDWARD WHITE EXPLAINS IT ALL
Epic. Seriously.
ERIC DANE RAGES!
Nice follow up. Looking forward to what Eric Dane has to say, hopefully on the next show.
RAYNE v. ANTIGUAS
HAH! I like how Quimbey finally just threw his hands up before Romero could even start with the GREATEST RING INTRODUCTION IN DEFIANCE TODAY!... Hah, old school playing opossum spot, nicely done and a good lead into the finish… Kinda short, IMO, but it’s a solid TV match, if these two ever meet again, I hope it gets more time to really get going… After reading Troy vs Troy, that’s what this should have / could have been, just needed a little more, still, my opinion stands, it was solid and I hope there’s another go around.
THIS WASN’T JUST ABOUT THE MONEY
Intriguing… I could see this leading to LBC v. HOSS in the future for sure. Also, the LBC leaning away from the heel side by default could be interesting.
TROY v. TROY
Already liking the new Troy Matthews because I heart White Zombie… Seriously, you have to listen to LT’s tune and imagine the swagger, I’m thinking like the female version of Michael P.S. Hayes… Nice little thai boxing exchange into some ground work… Not sure if getting color is necessary (blood) for this match, suppose it could be played off as a hardway… Really liking the intricacies of the exchanges with constant swings back and forth… SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPOOOOOOWWWWWAAAAAARRRRRBBBOOOOOBBBBBOOOOOOMMMMMBBBBBAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!111… Nice finish with the tapout victory for LT, though I’d have suggested adding a little text of Matthews mugging it up a bit out of excitement after the big powerbomb spot, thus giving LT the time needed to recover and when TroyMat comes in for the follow up, BOOM! Keep it exactly as is from there… Good stuff though, that is only a very minor nitpick.
THE LBC IS EXPANDING
I like this idea of LBC looking around for new people and Lindz getting around to everyone in DEF (hiyo!)… Might have to do one with LBC recruiting Ty because they all Noo Yawk boys.
A FEAR NO MASK CAN HIDE
Nice promo for Mushi.
CURTIS CLUTCH CHALLENGE #3
Jon rocking the promo skills with Curtis Penn, more top notch heel work here, dude, well done… Hah, Jake Donnelly, at first I was thinking it was a play on words and then it wasn’t and then it clearly was!... I see what you did there, hah…
HAH!... Double LULZ for Angus’ line about Donovan being so annoying to him that he might be forced to root for Penn (TEH WHOOORAAH!!)... Good stuff guys. I still say the CCC shouldn’t be broken for a little while and should continue into next arc as well.
CROSSING PATHS
Brunk and I wrote this.
OUT!
White be taking over the World!
SOHER TITLE MATCH
Love the call out about champs getting by with DQ wins and how Angus explains Tony isn’t having none of that nonsense… Hah, GOT reference for the win, of course Angus would give no fucks about GOT… Dang, some nice heel play here by Tony in an old school jobber squash, well done, Damien… And then the BIG DAMN HEROES with the big damn save and… BOOM! Lindz gives her answer to the LBC’s offer, nice little commentary play there about “is she here to even the numbers?!” It’s totally obvious that she’s not joining, but it’s a nice detail to add just for the sake of having it there.
WORLDBREAKING NEWS?!
I wrote this with Justin and Lindz oversaw the process.
BATTLE ROYAL
I had to edit STEVENS to Stevens like a million times, thanks for that!.. The My Cock line with Ty, hilarious… FINISH YOUR BIO! (haha)... Damnit, I missed a STEVENS… And a second one, fuck… Okay wait, the SOS show up and then just leave? Odd… Wondering how this is going to play with JP out of commission for the time being…
THE TRAIN WRECK TALKS
There we go, well done Ken. This does what you set out for it to do, which is explain Holiday’s motivation with Pyre and the instant hostility… Also, Billy and Frank are just a very good read.
WELCOME TO DEFIANCE, RYUSHIN
Maybe my memory is crap and I forgot, but please explain the history between Ryushin and the OSC… Otherwise, a solid setup for a match at GH#16.
AS CLOSE AS YOU’RE GONNA GET
I got it started and then Seth done did the rest from there.
TEAM HOSS v. ACX
Very nice hot start for ACX…
HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN
Everything about Heidi’s interaction in this segment was perfect. Nice setups for next week as well.
HONORABLE DISCHARGE
I liked most of the Kai Scott specific half of this, though I thought some of it dragged a little and made this go on longer than was necessary. Overall, I see what you were going for and thus understand the story being told. For the sake of full disclosure, I thought the CAL/Angie/Heidi bit was unnecessary but, I get how it gives context and tethers what has happened to past events long ago, so game on. What I might have suggested would be to nix that part, because Scott basically telling how the this iteration of the TUTs started off rough (Booth, cVc, Lisa, etc) gets the point across. I also think the comment about the TUTS being “sealed” should have preceded Booya’s arrival, because it just feels kind of disjointed to me. That way Booya and Scott spar verbally, Scott comments about how he still has the belt and not for lack of trying on the part of the Diamonds, which then brings Dan Ryan’s arrival and then away you go from there.
Dan Ryan’s jabs at Booya were excellent and Booya’s reactions to them were amusing. HAH! Nice jab at Cancer Jiles going to HOW. And of course Booya getting more and more animated as the second half of this went on is always amusing.
SCOTT/CSS v. RYAN/BOOYA
Really nice start with Claira being the house of the fire, getting shots in on Ryan and Booya after a blind tag sequence… And Jonny done gets his ass WHUPPED something fierce by Scott and Claira… So far this is going exactly how it should with Ryan seizing control of the match after the babyfaces kick the fuck outta the turncoat bastard… Ryan playing the games and then Booya back in, now with FITTY PERCEN’ MOAR FOCUS!... STERRRRRRRRRR-OOOOIIIDS! hahaha… Booya getting some heel offense in here, complete with posturing and smacktalk, good stuff… Damn, Dan Ryan just don’t fuck about does he? Just gives up this honest competition stuff and whacks a mugfug with a chair… Nice use of Dusty with the save making there, well done, I approve.
KEEP EM, DUMP EM… INTERRUPTED?
Asa, Lindz, Justin and Myself all wrote this and kept Lindz up later than she would have preferred to be… But she’s hardcore and wants to make the magic happen for the cause.
AND THEN THIS HAPPENED
Hah, awesome. That is gonna be a hellacious slobberknocker if there ever was one… And this was perfect.
DEFIANCE presents… BIO-SCIENCE WITH ANGUS!, hah that exchange gave me the warm and fuzzies remembering Gorilla Monsoon’s classic brand of commentary… Really liked the back and forth action with quick and constant reversals of fortune all the way to the finish, just an entertaining read… Also, since Euge uses the Shoryuken, he should use the Metsu-Shoryuken as his Ultimate Finisher.
YOUR REWARD SIR
Lee wrote this, I wrapped it up.
Epic. Seriously.
ERIC DANE RAGES!
Nice follow up. Looking forward to what Eric Dane has to say, hopefully on the next show.
RAYNE v. ANTIGUAS
HAH! I like how Quimbey finally just threw his hands up before Romero could even start with the GREATEST RING INTRODUCTION IN DEFIANCE TODAY!... Hah, old school playing opossum spot, nicely done and a good lead into the finish… Kinda short, IMO, but it’s a solid TV match, if these two ever meet again, I hope it gets more time to really get going… After reading Troy vs Troy, that’s what this should have / could have been, just needed a little more, still, my opinion stands, it was solid and I hope there’s another go around.
THIS WASN’T JUST ABOUT THE MONEY
Intriguing… I could see this leading to LBC v. HOSS in the future for sure. Also, the LBC leaning away from the heel side by default could be interesting.
TROY v. TROY
Already liking the new Troy Matthews because I heart White Zombie… Seriously, you have to listen to LT’s tune and imagine the swagger, I’m thinking like the female version of Michael P.S. Hayes… Nice little thai boxing exchange into some ground work… Not sure if getting color is necessary (blood) for this match, suppose it could be played off as a hardway… Really liking the intricacies of the exchanges with constant swings back and forth… SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPOOOOOOWWWWWAAAAAARRRRRBBBOOOOOBBBBBOOOOOOMMMMMBBBBBAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!111… Nice finish with the tapout victory for LT, though I’d have suggested adding a little text of Matthews mugging it up a bit out of excitement after the big powerbomb spot, thus giving LT the time needed to recover and when TroyMat comes in for the follow up, BOOM! Keep it exactly as is from there… Good stuff though, that is only a very minor nitpick.
THE LBC IS EXPANDING
I like this idea of LBC looking around for new people and Lindz getting around to everyone in DEF (hiyo!)… Might have to do one with LBC recruiting Ty because they all Noo Yawk boys.
A FEAR NO MASK CAN HIDE
Nice promo for Mushi.
CURTIS CLUTCH CHALLENGE #3
Jon rocking the promo skills with Curtis Penn, more top notch heel work here, dude, well done… Hah, Jake Donnelly, at first I was thinking it was a play on words and then it wasn’t and then it clearly was!... I see what you did there, hah…
HAH!... Double LULZ for Angus’ line about Donovan being so annoying to him that he might be forced to root for Penn (TEH WHOOORAAH!!)... Good stuff guys. I still say the CCC shouldn’t be broken for a little while and should continue into next arc as well.
CROSSING PATHS
Brunk and I wrote this.
OUT!
White be taking over the World!
SOHER TITLE MATCH
Love the call out about champs getting by with DQ wins and how Angus explains Tony isn’t having none of that nonsense… Hah, GOT reference for the win, of course Angus would give no fucks about GOT… Dang, some nice heel play here by Tony in an old school jobber squash, well done, Damien… And then the BIG DAMN HEROES with the big damn save and… BOOM! Lindz gives her answer to the LBC’s offer, nice little commentary play there about “is she here to even the numbers?!” It’s totally obvious that she’s not joining, but it’s a nice detail to add just for the sake of having it there.
WORLDBREAKING NEWS?!
I wrote this with Justin and Lindz oversaw the process.
I was going to alter Dusty’s line, but then Justin dropped that line for Frank and it fit perfectly.
BATTLE ROYAL
I had to edit STEVENS to Stevens like a million times, thanks for that!.. The My Cock line with Ty, hilarious… FINISH YOUR BIO! (haha)... Damnit, I missed a STEVENS… And a second one, fuck… Okay wait, the SOS show up and then just leave? Odd… Wondering how this is going to play with JP out of commission for the time being…
THE TRAIN WRECK TALKS
There we go, well done Ken. This does what you set out for it to do, which is explain Holiday’s motivation with Pyre and the instant hostility… Also, Billy and Frank are just a very good read.
WELCOME TO DEFIANCE, RYUSHIN
Maybe my memory is crap and I forgot, but please explain the history between Ryushin and the OSC… Otherwise, a solid setup for a match at GH#16.
AS CLOSE AS YOU’RE GONNA GET
I got it started and then Seth done did the rest from there.
TEAM HOSS v. ACX
Very nice hot start for ACX…
HAH!... HOSS begins the beatdown, but NO! ACX continues to fight back, nicely done… LOve how through ACX uses cheap shots and heel tactics (Roddy Piper style) and gets cheers for it, another nice touch… DAAAYYYYYYYUMN! Nice finish spot with the random whooer coming out to distract Rich and then Cappy just obliterating his ass with the lariat… Very good stuff, Seth… This could have been a total squash with a few meager hope spots, some comedy spots and it would have been correct. I’m glad ACX got put over by being allowed to fight back and get more than some hope spots, sure they lose, but they didn’t come off a complete jokes and totally out of place when it was go time, which has been a story for ACX for a while now. Good when they want to be, but tend to get off track, leading to their asses getting whipped, which is exactly how this ultimately ends up. Again, nice hat tip to continuity.
HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN
Everything about Heidi’s interaction in this segment was perfect. Nice setups for next week as well.
HONORABLE DISCHARGE
I liked most of the Kai Scott specific half of this, though I thought some of it dragged a little and made this go on longer than was necessary. Overall, I see what you were going for and thus understand the story being told. For the sake of full disclosure, I thought the CAL/Angie/Heidi bit was unnecessary but, I get how it gives context and tethers what has happened to past events long ago, so game on. What I might have suggested would be to nix that part, because Scott basically telling how the this iteration of the TUTs started off rough (Booth, cVc, Lisa, etc) gets the point across. I also think the comment about the TUTS being “sealed” should have preceded Booya’s arrival, because it just feels kind of disjointed to me. That way Booya and Scott spar verbally, Scott comments about how he still has the belt and not for lack of trying on the part of the Diamonds, which then brings Dan Ryan’s arrival and then away you go from there.
Dan Ryan’s jabs at Booya were excellent and Booya’s reactions to them were amusing. HAH! Nice jab at Cancer Jiles going to HOW. And of course Booya getting more and more animated as the second half of this went on is always amusing.
SCOTT/CSS v. RYAN/BOOYA
Really nice start with Claira being the house of the fire, getting shots in on Ryan and Booya after a blind tag sequence… And Jonny done gets his ass WHUPPED something fierce by Scott and Claira… So far this is going exactly how it should with Ryan seizing control of the match after the babyfaces kick the fuck outta the turncoat bastard… Ryan playing the games and then Booya back in, now with FITTY PERCEN’ MOAR FOCUS!... STERRRRRRRRRR-OOOOIIIDS! hahaha… Booya getting some heel offense in here, complete with posturing and smacktalk, good stuff… Damn, Dan Ryan just don’t fuck about does he? Just gives up this honest competition stuff and whacks a mugfug with a chair… Nice use of Dusty with the save making there, well done, I approve.
KEEP EM, DUMP EM… INTERRUPTED?
Asa, Lindz, Justin and Myself all wrote this and kept Lindz up later than she would have preferred to be… But she’s hardcore and wants to make the magic happen for the cause.
AND THEN THIS HAPPENED
Hah, awesome. That is gonna be a hellacious slobberknocker if there ever was one… And this was perfect.
FIST TITLE MATCH: EUGE v. YAZ
DEFIANCE presents… BIO-SCIENCE WITH ANGUS!, hah that exchange gave me the warm and fuzzies remembering Gorilla Monsoon’s classic brand of commentary… Really liked the back and forth action with quick and constant reversals of fortune all the way to the finish, just an entertaining read… Also, since Euge uses the Shoryuken, he should use the Metsu-Shoryuken as his Ultimate Finisher.
YOUR REWARD SIR
Lee wrote this, I wrapped it up.
Bad Mofo
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Hrm... My immediate reactions were this; I especially liked the whole Edward White/Dane bits this card. Very nice buildup. I wondered to myself if this was pre-planned or not?
Kai's segment was actually *very* well written. I'm conflicted in that I felt like it should have been on the end this time with the impromptu match. But then you had the ending segment with Dusty... Grr... So maybe it shouldn't be. It was conflicting on if I thought it should've been at the end. I might go back and forth with this thought.
Kai's segment was actually *very* well written. I'm conflicted in that I felt like it should have been on the end this time with the impromptu match. But then you had the ending segment with Dusty... Grr... So maybe it shouldn't be. It was conflicting on if I thought it should've been at the end. I might go back and forth with this thought.
The idea started coming together in 2012 when we were getting to the end of the Grand Champions League, and has been in legitimate long-term booking documents since mid-2013 when we were planning the Japan tour.
SenorJames
DEFIANT Grandpa
Uppin dis mug, long term planning, we do.
Murrr
I will send you to the bin.
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I started to type some full-on seg-by-seg feedback, but it turned into a bloated mess, so I've condensed things a bit.
On the whole, I really enjoyed this show. For the most part, this was very readable for a new guy like me who doesn't really have much of a clue about specific characters' history. There were a couple of segments where I didn't really have a clue what was going on (lack of historical knowledge = lack of context = confusion), but, for the most part, the writers did a good job of using commentary and other dialogue to explain the significance of what was going on. The first Edward White segment, for example, give me plenty of knowledge darts on White's financial contributions and the events leading to Box's ejection from the Blood Diamonds. Aside from being a great, great segment, it gave me quick knowledge on the fed's most important storyline, and I appreciate that.
White was the show's MVP for me. Just a night of all-round badassery. I really love this character: he's a perfectly-played magnificent bastard. His antics have not just established him as a great character, but so much intrigue was built for the next show. Like Dane, man: where'd that dude go?! Should be fun seeing what he has to say about this whole shebang next week, and finding out what White's got planned with the contract is gonna be nifty.
I'll echo Brunk's comments relating to storytelling. In such a confined universe, where each character is so closely-linked, it's vital to created layered, under-the-surface stories to create context for future shenanigans. Things like Ryan's little meeting with Dusty, for example: I've kinda gotta go back and read a bit more from them, but if/when they do eventually lock horns, I'll remember that little meeting.
The matches were solid. Matthews/Troy and the main event stick out as my favourites, although the trios match was also very strong, and I liked the finish and the fuckery that followed. I wasn't overly keen on the battle royal: I felt it could've done with a bit more build-up, and the pacing made it feel very claustrophobic. It was fine, just nothing outstanding, although I completely understand and appreciate the situation with James P's health.
As much as I enjoyed some of the interactions on this show (Troy and the LBC particularly), I'm a sucker for a bit of traditionalism in segments. The Mushighara/Dante promo was nice, with a superb couple of opening lines, and established Mushi as the man to beat in the battle royal. The Street Cutters' rant was fun, and gave Ryushin's rushed interference some much-needed beef. Holiday's interview was an absolute belter: at first I was like "why's this dude so mad?". He then went on to explain his beef with Pyre in explicit detail, and Lance's rundown of the previous week's hijinx helped a lot. Great stuff.
The Penn segment was good. I like that it referenced the Hold Harmless Argument news story -- I think that's a good example of how useful posting news articles can be as a storytelling device. I've never been a massive fan of angles like this as I think the heat they generate is quite shallow, but Curtis' indignation and Jake Donnelly was great. Classic heel stuff. Then, of course, the real Jake comes down to straighten shit out. I almost spat my coffee out when I read Penn's "Google document" line: tie that with FDJ's "shovel" confusion for line of the night, contrast it with Angus calling Mach Hawke "My Cock," because FFS.
I could sit and articulate thoughts on the stories I've not touched, but really, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable going in-depth on absolutely everything on the show yet. One spot for improvement, though: transitions. A lot of the segments and matches were bookended with a few lines of commentary, seamlessly blending them into one another to create a fluid read. The segments that didn't have this, however, felt a bit isolated. A minor complaint, yeah, but a few lines at the beginning and end of each segment can make all the difference.
On the whole, I really enjoyed this show. For the most part, this was very readable for a new guy like me who doesn't really have much of a clue about specific characters' history. There were a couple of segments where I didn't really have a clue what was going on (lack of historical knowledge = lack of context = confusion), but, for the most part, the writers did a good job of using commentary and other dialogue to explain the significance of what was going on. The first Edward White segment, for example, give me plenty of knowledge darts on White's financial contributions and the events leading to Box's ejection from the Blood Diamonds. Aside from being a great, great segment, it gave me quick knowledge on the fed's most important storyline, and I appreciate that.
White was the show's MVP for me. Just a night of all-round badassery. I really love this character: he's a perfectly-played magnificent bastard. His antics have not just established him as a great character, but so much intrigue was built for the next show. Like Dane, man: where'd that dude go?! Should be fun seeing what he has to say about this whole shebang next week, and finding out what White's got planned with the contract is gonna be nifty.
I'll echo Brunk's comments relating to storytelling. In such a confined universe, where each character is so closely-linked, it's vital to created layered, under-the-surface stories to create context for future shenanigans. Things like Ryan's little meeting with Dusty, for example: I've kinda gotta go back and read a bit more from them, but if/when they do eventually lock horns, I'll remember that little meeting.
The matches were solid. Matthews/Troy and the main event stick out as my favourites, although the trios match was also very strong, and I liked the finish and the fuckery that followed. I wasn't overly keen on the battle royal: I felt it could've done with a bit more build-up, and the pacing made it feel very claustrophobic. It was fine, just nothing outstanding, although I completely understand and appreciate the situation with James P's health.
As much as I enjoyed some of the interactions on this show (Troy and the LBC particularly), I'm a sucker for a bit of traditionalism in segments. The Mushighara/Dante promo was nice, with a superb couple of opening lines, and established Mushi as the man to beat in the battle royal. The Street Cutters' rant was fun, and gave Ryushin's rushed interference some much-needed beef. Holiday's interview was an absolute belter: at first I was like "why's this dude so mad?". He then went on to explain his beef with Pyre in explicit detail, and Lance's rundown of the previous week's hijinx helped a lot. Great stuff.
The Penn segment was good. I like that it referenced the Hold Harmless Argument news story -- I think that's a good example of how useful posting news articles can be as a storytelling device. I've never been a massive fan of angles like this as I think the heat they generate is quite shallow, but Curtis' indignation and Jake Donnelly was great. Classic heel stuff. Then, of course, the real Jake comes down to straighten shit out. I almost spat my coffee out when I read Penn's "Google document" line: tie that with FDJ's "shovel" confusion for line of the night, contrast it with Angus calling Mach Hawke "My Cock," because FFS.
I could sit and articulate thoughts on the stories I've not touched, but really, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable going in-depth on absolutely everything on the show yet. One spot for improvement, though: transitions. A lot of the segments and matches were bookended with a few lines of commentary, seamlessly blending them into one another to create a fluid read. The segments that didn't have this, however, felt a bit isolated. A minor complaint, yeah, but a few lines at the beginning and end of each segment can make all the difference.
Lee R.
Banned
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2012
- Messages
- 127
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- 0
I skimmed the show. Read the segs skimmed the matches. To be honest some stuff that wasn't anybody's fault killed my enjoyment of this show, I'm probably not going to go back and read it in depth any time soon.
I've never been in an efed where the color commentator always sounded exactly the same no matter who wrote him. If Justin wants to maybe rank Angus's commentary match by match and, when Angus says something "wrong" explain why it's wrong, why he wouldn't have said it and what and why he would have said instead... well, that's an awful lot of work for a relatively insignificant part of the show.
My only complaint is I guess I'm the only person who thinks the My Cock joke isn't funny? On account of Mach Hawke and My Cock not really sounding very much alike? (Yes, I'm aware that 'mach' is pronounced "Mahk" thanks)
I've never been in an efed where the color commentator always sounded exactly the same no matter who wrote him. If Justin wants to maybe rank Angus's commentary match by match and, when Angus says something "wrong" explain why it's wrong, why he wouldn't have said it and what and why he would have said instead... well, that's an awful lot of work for a relatively insignificant part of the show.
My only complaint is I guess I'm the only person who thinks the My Cock joke isn't funny? On account of Mach Hawke and My Cock not really sounding very much alike? (Yes, I'm aware that 'mach' is pronounced "Mahk" thanks)
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The God-Beast
Member
The other thing about the My Cock joke is that the "Mach" in Mach Hawke is actually pronounced "mah-ha", because he's using the Japanese pronunciation.
/the things you learn as a weeaboo
/the things you learn as a weeaboo
SenorJames
DEFIANT Grandpa
The God-Beast
Member
You're a big player in what basically boils down to a pro wrestling pen-and-paper RPG, you ain't got room to talk.
I mean, I'm a little player in same, but still.
I thought it was a cute joke the one time. It's not something I want to see as a continuing meme.