Duke Williams
League Member
**Zeus is being used to generate these **** meaningless cards to help progress the story. This is not what will be used once the fed opens with a real roster. J **
[It’s a live show not aired on any television yet it has announcers broadcasting over the crowd and for tape purposes as they make a killing on DVD sales. In the back of the half filled crowd is Duke Williams taking notes as he watches the action. Tim Johnson the ring announcer enters the ring.]
Tim Johnson ladies and gentleman please rise for the national anthem.
[The anthem plays as the half filled crowd stares at a flag.]
Tim Johnson- Thank you! Now lets get this thing started!! This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from The Bad Lands of Illinois, he is Bad Guy Bag Man Myers!!!
[Bad Guy Bag Man Myers comes to the ring as the crowd boo’s. He grabs the mic from Tim Anderson and looks over at the crowd.]
Bad Guy Bag Man Myers: I think all you losers should put a bag over your heads!! I mean you people are garbage. I’m bad but baby and that’s good!!
Sheik Sandwich: Well Ed those are some strong words from BGBMM!!
Ed Butkis: How dare he insult these people!!
Tim Johnson: …and his opponent, weighing in at 300 pounds, from Steele, PA, Burt Perlow!!!
[Achy Breaky Heart plays as out from the back two steps Burt Perlow as his fans the Perlow Steele section stand and cheer. Burt makes his way to the ring where he is checked by the ref Pat Small. Burt Perlow drops Bad Guy Bag Man Myers with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. (ding, ding, ding) Bad Guy Bag Man Myers puts Burt Perlow on the top rope and executes a superplex. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers gets up. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers grabs Burt Perlow and applies an arm wrench. Burt Perlow gets up. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers gets bounced off of the ropes and hit with a backdrop diver by Burt Perlow. Burt Perlow gets back to his feet. Burt Perlow punches Bad Guy Bag Man Myers repeatedly. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers hits Burt Perlow with a rolling elbow smash to the face. Burt Perlow gets up. Burt Perlow mule kicks Bad Guy Bag Man Myers. ]
Ed Butkis: Bad Guy Bag Man Myers takes a mule kick.
Sheik Sandwich: I once dated a mule.
Ed Butkis: That’s sick.
Sheik Sandwich: Not an animal but a drug smuggler.
Ed Butkis: That’s no better.
Sheik Sandwich: Suck a hard boiled egg.
[Burt Perlow clotheslines Bad Guy Bag Man Myers. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers legsweeps Burt Perlow. Burt Perlow punches Bad Guy Bag Man Myers in the head. Burt Perlow bounces Bad Guy Bag Man Myers off the ropes and faceslams him onto the mat. Burt Perlow gets back to his feet. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers gets up. Burt Perlow throws Bad Guy Bag Man Myers off the ropes and hits him with a cross-body block. Burt Perlow climbs to his feet. They lockup. Burt Perlow sends Bad Guy Bag Man Myers to the corner of the ring. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers takes Burt Perlow off his feet with a short-arm clothesline Now Burt Perlow standing. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers bounces Burt Perlow off the ropes and clotheslines him. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers applies an arm wrench to Burt Perlow. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers grabs Burt Perlow and applies an arm wrench. ]
Ed Butkis: arm wrench!
Sheik Sandwich: No I needed an Allen wrench to fix that damn leaky faucet in the back. Are you listening?
[Bad Guy Bag Man Myers applies an arm wrench to Burt Perlow. Burt Perlow is up again. Burt Perlow nails Bad Guy Bag Man Myers with a double underhook suplex. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers gets hit with the shooting star press from Burt Perlow. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 Bad Guy Bag Man Myers escapes. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers stands up. Burt Perlow puts Bad Guy Bag Man Myers in the double reverse chinlock. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... ... ... Bad Guy Bag Man Myers trys to escape. ... Bad Guy Bag Man Myers trys to escape. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers escapes. Burt Perlow lifts Bad Guy Bag Man Myers up and drops him on his knee. Burt Perlow hits a jumping elbow hrust on Bad Guy Bag Man Myers. They lockup. Burt Perlow sends Bad Guy Bag Man Myers to the corner of the ring. Burt Perlow rakes the face of Bad Guy Bag Man Myers in attempt to make a come back. Burt Perlow chants start. Burt Perlow executes the Supper DDT on Bad Guy Bag Man Myers! Burt Perlow uses an inside cradle to pin Bad Guy Bag Man Myers. Referee Pat Small makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3
Ed Butkis: The winner of this match, Burt Perlow!!!
Sheik Sandwich: Booo!!
[Back stage the 7 foot monster Big Elwood enjoys a Monster Energy Drink.]
Ed Butkis: Even giants need energy! This show is brought to you by monster energy drink!! Cus yuppies need more then coffee!
Sheik Sandwich: I like energy!
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 185 pounds, from Palatine, IL, Steve Larson!!!
[Steve Larson comes to the ring as the crowd cheers.]
Sheik Sandwich: How can these losers cheer for a loser who in ten years has never won a match!! Oh yea they too are losers.
Ed Butkis: Will you stop.
Tim Johnson: …and his opponent, weighing in at 400 pounds, from Ohio, Stinky Pete!!!
(crowd boos )
[Stinky Pete walks to the ring. Pat Small is the referee for this contest. Steve Larson executes a pumphandle suplex on Stinky Pete. Steve Larson gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Stinky Pete. (the bell rings) Steve Larson trys for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Stinky Pete.Stinky Pete is hit with a backward kick. Steve Larson knees Stinky Pete and rolls back to his feet. Stinky Pete is up again. Stinky Pete nails the bridging back suplex on Steve Larson. Stinky Pete sucks chants start in the crowd. Stinky Pete moves back to his feet. Stinky Pete grabs Steve Larson's arm, takes him down, and puts him in the armbar. The referee is checking the situation. ... ... (AHHHH!) ... ... Steve Larson is fighting the hold. Stinky Pete breaks the hold. Steve Larson gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Stinky Pete. Steve Larson hits him with a back fist. Stinky Pete hits a jumping elbow hrust on Steve Larson. Steve Larson stands up. Steve Larson uses a snap mare takeover on Stinky Pete. Stinky Pete climbs to his feet. Stinky Pete executes a huge gutbuster on Steve Larson. Stinky Pete puts Steve Larson in an arm grapevine submission. ]
Ed Butkis: Stinky Pete with a arm grapevine.
Sheik Sandwich: I bet he’s eaten a lot more then grapevines!
[Steve Larson throws Stinky Pete off the ropes, rolls on the ground, comes back up and delivers a clothesline. Steve Larson with a falling splash on Stinky Pete. Steve Larson chants start. Steve Larson gets back to his feet. Stinky Pete takes a slap to the face from Steve Larson. Steve Larson gets back to his feet. Steve Larson gets caught with an elbowsmash to the face. Steve Larson hits Stinky Pete with the back of his elbow. Stinky Pete bites Steve Larson's arm out of desparation. Stinky Pete tackles Steve Larson and pummels his head. Steve Larson stands up. Steve Larson trys for a belly-to-belly suplex but is not strong enough to lift Stinky Pete.Steve Larson drags Stinky Pete to the floor. Pat Small starts the count (.1) Steve Larson gets sent into the turnbuckle while Stinky Pete hits him with a splash. (..2) Spinning neck-breaker from Stinky Pete takes Steve Larson down. Steve Larson gets up. (...3) ]
Ed Butkis - This is quality sports entertainment!
Sheik Sandwich: It is?
[Steve Larson gets picked up and dropped with the fireman's carry by Stinky Pete. Stinky Pete sucks chants start in the crowd. Stinky Pete with a falling splash on Steve Larson. Stinky Pete gets back to his feet. Stinky Pete and Steve Larson move back into the ring. Stinky Pete measures Steve Larson up and drops a closed fist. Stinky Pete gets up. Stinky Pete puts Steve Larson in an arm grapevine submission. Steve Larson gets knock to the ground while Stinky Pete locks him in the chinlock deathlock submission. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... ... ... Steve Larson trys to escape. ... ... Stinky Pete tightens the hold. ... ... Stinky Pete tightens the hold. ... (AHHHH!) ... ... Steve Larson trys to escape. Steve Larson taps out. ]
Sheik Sandwich: Stinky Pete has won the match! Steve Larson is still looking for his first win!!
Tim Johnson: The winner of this match, Stinky Pete!!!
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 128 pounds, from the city of Angels, Miss Judy McDreemy!!!
[Judy McDreemy gives the crowd the figer on her way to the ring.]
Tim Johnson: …and her opponent, weighing in at 190 pounds, from Colorado , Guy Mcver !!!
(crowd cheers *)
[The theme to McGuyver Judy McDreemy drops Guy Mcver with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. Guy Mcver drops Judy McDreemy with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. (ding, ding, ding) Judy McDreemy delivers a short-arm clothesline to Guy Mcver . Guy Mcver is up again. Judy McDreemy mule kicks Guy Mcver . Judy McDreemy applies an arm wrench to Guy Mcver . ]
Ed Butkis: arm wrench!
Sheik Sandwich: You sure get excited over an arm wrench. Man does Zeus suck.
Ed Butkis: Who?
Sheik Sandwich: Never mind. I love this Guy Mcver I watched last week as he turned a crumpled up cup from the crowd into a bomb to win his match.
Ed Butkis: Yes, he is always amazing.
[Judy McDreemy fist drops Guy Mcver on the mat. Judy McDreemy is up again. Guy Mcver executes the front-layout suplex on Judy McDreemy. Guy Mcver stands up. Now Judy McDreemy standing. Guy Mcver hits him with a back fist. Judy McDreemy rakes the face of Guy Mcver in attempt to make a come back. Judy McDreemy executes a headlock takedown. Judy McDreemy trys for a tiger driver but is not strong enough to lift Guy Mcver .Judy McDreemy and Guy Mcver go to the floor Pat Small starts the count (.1) (..2) Judy McDreemy bounces Guy Mcver off the ropes and faceslams him onto the floor. Now Judy McDreemy standing. (...3) Judy McDreemy fist drops Guy Mcver on the floor. Judy McDreemy is back on his feet. (....4) Judy McDreemy applies an arm wrench to Guy Mcver . (.....5) Judy McDreemy takes Guy Mcver into the ring. Judy McDreemy fist drops Guy Mcver on the mat. Judy McDreemy stands up. Judy McDreemy grabs Guy Mcver and applies an arm wrench. Guy Mcver climbs to his feet. Judy McDreemy get whipped into the corner and Guy Mcver follows himin with an avalanche. Guy Mcver sends Judy McDreemy to ringside. Pat Small starts the count (.1) (..2) Guy Mcver pokes Judy McDreemy in the eyes. (...3) Judy McDreemy trys for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Guy Mcver .(....4) Guy Mcver gouges Judy McDreemy's eyes out. ]
Ed Butkis: Guy Mcver executes a eye gouge.
Sheik Sandwich: Very technical move from a man who can turn a popcorn kernel into a ham radio.
[(.....5) Guy Mcver takes Judy McDreemy into the ring. Guy Mcver hits Judy McDreemy with an earringer. Guy Mcver lifts up Judy McDreemy and delivers a gut-wrench power bomb. Judy McDreemy gets back to his feet. Judy McDreemy punches Guy Mcver in the gut. Guy Mcver superkicks Judy McDreemy. Judy McDreemy gets up. Judy McDreemy gets snap suplexed by Guy Mcver . Guy Mcver stands up. Guy Mcver knee drops Judy McDreemy. Guy Mcver chants start. Guy Mcver hits Judy McDreemy with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Judy McDreemy climbs to his feet. Guy Mcver grabs Judy McDreemy's leg and takes him down, then locks his leg. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... Judy McDreemy trys to escape. ... Judy McDreemy trys to escape. ... ... ... ... Judy McDreemy trys to escape. ... ... (AHHHH!) ... Judy McDreemy trys to escape. ... Guy Mcver tightens the hold. Judy McDreemy taps out.
Tim Johnson: The winner of this match, Guy Mcver !!!
Sheik Sandwich: The woman’s rights movement is set back another ten years.
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from McTown, The Hamburgler!!!
(crowd cheers ********)
[The Hamburgler comes to the ring to Cheeseburger in Paradise, handing out stolen hamburgers. He gets to the ring and takes the mic.]
The Hamburgler: Tis I THE HAMBUGLER!! For to long villains have been over charging for quality hamburgers. No longer my friends as I steel from the rich their hamburgers to share with you people!!
Crowd Cheers
Tim Johnson: …and his opponent, weighing in at 260 pounds, from Hell, Death Anderson!!! (crowd boos *********)
[Death Anderson walks to the ring. Pat Small is the referee for this contest. The Hamburgler places Death Anderson on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. The Hamburgler gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Death Anderson. (ding, ding, ding) The Hamburgler hits a spinning leg lariat on Death Anderson sending him to the mat. Now Death Anderson standing. The Hamburgler nails Death Anderson with a belly-to-back suplex. Death Anderson moves back to his feet. Death Anderson dropkicks The Hamburgler to the face. Death Anderson gets up. ]
Sheik Sandwich: The Hamburgler could use some help about now.
Ed Butkis: A breath mint would help.
Sheik Sandwich: His breath is death but I’m supposed to be the funny one.
[Death Anderson climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and executes the diving headbutt on The Hamburgler. ]
Ed Butkis: Good diving headbutt by Death Anderson.
Sheik Sandwich: He dove faster then LOST’s ratings.
[Death Anderson gets back to his feet. Death Anderson drags The Hamburgler to the floor. Pat Small starts the count (.1) (..2) The Hamburgler gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Death Anderson. Death Anderson climbs to his feet. The Hamburgler gets up. (...3) The Hamburgler connects with a flying knee. Death Anderson goes down. (....4) The Hamburgler fist drops Death Anderson on the floor. Death Anderson gets up. The Hamburgler trys for a DDT but Death Anderson avoids it. (.....5) ]
Sheik Sandwich: The Hamburgler can't win the match out there.
[The Hamburgler chokes Death Anderson with a microphone cable. (......6) The Hamburgler and Death Anderson move back into the ring. The Hamburgler chops Death Anderson. Death Anderson legsweeps The Hamburgler. The Hamburgler hits Death Anderson with the back of his elbow. Death Anderson gets taken down with a corkscrew armdrag. Death Anderson picks The Hamburgler up and side suplexes him to the mat. Death Anderson apllies the camel clutch on The Hamburgler. Pat Small asks The Hamburgler if he quits. ... ... Death Anderson tightens the hold. ... ... Death Anderson tightens the hold. The Hamburgler escapes. Death Anderson hits a dragon suplex on The Hamburgler. Death Anderson gets up. Death Anderson puts The Hamburgler in an arm grapevine submission. The Hamburgler is back on his feet. Death Anderson powerbombs The Hamburgler. Death Anderson with a falling splash on The Hamburgler. Death Anderson gets back to his feet. The Hamburgler climbs to his feet. Death Anderson thrust kicks The Hamburgler in the head. Death Anderson goes for a pin. Pat Small counts. ...1 ...2 ...3
Ed Butkis: The winner of this match, Death Anderson!!!
Sheik Sandwich: Death never takes a holiday here on Friday night fights.
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Space, Space Rogers!!!
(crowd boos ******)
[Space Rogers comes to the ring in a space suit. ]
Tim Johnson: …and his opponent, weighing in at 450 pounds, from New York City, Kennedy Sipowicz!!!
(crowd cheers *****)
[Sexy Back Space plays as the fat man dances his way to the ring. Rogers drops Kennedy Sipowicz with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. Kennedy Sipowicz drops Space Rogers with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. (the bell rings) Space Rogers with a high crossbody on Kennedy Sipowicz. ]
Sheik Sandwich - Space Rogers executes a high cross body.
Ed Butkis: That’s heavy man.
[Space Rogers gets back to his feet. Space Rogers executes a corkscrew legdrop on Kennedy Sipowicz. Now Space Rogers standing. Kennedy Sipowicz gets hit with the shooting star press from Space Rogers. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 Kennedy Sipowicz kicks out. Kennedy Sipowicz gets up. Space Rogers drives a forearm into the head of Kennedy Sipowicz. ]
Sheik Sandwich - Kennedy Sipowicz takes a forearm smash HA HA HA!!
Ed Butkis: He sure did.
[Space Rogers bounces Kennedy Sipowicz off the ropes and faceslams him onto the mat. Kennedy Sipowicz stands up. Kennedy Sipowicz pump handle slams Space Rogers to the mat. Kneelock submission applied by Kennedy Sipowicz. Pat Small asks Space Rogers if he quits. ... (AHHHH!) ... ... ... Space Rogers escapes. Kennedy Sipowicz drags Space Rogers to the floor. ]
Ed Butkis: My God! Space Rogers could be killed! They've moved to ringside, there's weapons there!!
Sheik Sandwich: MY GOD OH MY GOD HOLY CHRIST that’s my hair brush under the ring!!
[Pat Small starts the count (.1) Kennedy Sipowicz swings a Steel chair and hits Space Rogers. Space Rogers is bleeding as a result. ]
Sheik Sandwich: I wish every match and sandwich could be like this! Tangy.
[(..2) Kennedy Sipowicz kicks Space Rogers on the floor. Space Rogers gets back to his feet. (...3) Kennedy Sipowicz executes a huge gutbuster on Space Rogers. (....4) Kennedy Sipowicz stomps Space Rogers. (.....5) Kennedy Sipowicz and Space Rogers move back into the ring. Kennedy Sipowicz stomps Space Rogers's head. Space Rogers is back on his feet. Kennedy Sipowicz executes a spinning DDT, planting Space Rogers's head in the mat. Kennedy Sipowicz climbs to his feet. Space Rogers gets hit with the shooting star press from Kennedy Sipowicz. Pat Small counts. ...1 ...2 Space Rogers escapes. Space Rogers stands up. Kennedy Sipowicz pulls Space Rogers's hair. Kennedy Sipowicz hits Space Rogers with the back of his elbow. Kennedy Sipowicz chants start. Kennedy Sipowicz picks up Space Rogers and delivers a tilt-a-whirl suplex. Space Rogers gets back to his feet. Kennedy Sipowicz executes the airplane spin and throws Space Rogers onto the mat. Kennedy Sipowicz wraps his legs around Space Rogers's neck and puts him in the figure-four sleeper. Pat Small asks Space Rogers if he quits. ... Space Rogers trys to escape. ... ... ... ... Kennedy Sipowicz tightens the hold. ... ... ... ... Space Rogers trys to escape. ... Space Rogers trys to escape. Space Rogers taps out. ]
Sheik Sandwich: We've got ourselves a winner!
Ed Butkis: The winner of this match, Kennedy Sipowicz!!!
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match for the World Title title. Coming to the ring first, weighing in at 350 pounds, from Chicago, IL he holds the World Title title belt, Big Elwood!!!
(crowd cheers *************)
[Sweet Home Chicago plays as the old giant makes his way to the ring dressed like a Hacedic Diamond merchant. ]
Big Elwood: I have never been beaten in 20 years!! Tonight will be no different as tonight I dedicate this match to you the people of the greatest city in the world my sweet home Chicago!! Now join me in the bear fight song!!
The Crowd and Elwood: Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down
Tim Johnson - The second in this three way match, weighing in at 105 pounds, from Your Town, USA, Pedophile Man!!!
(crowd boos ******)
[Pedophile Man walks to the ring. ]
Ed Butkis - And third, weighing in at 120 pounds, from Leeds, England , Sergeant Peper!!! (crowd cheers ***********)
[Sergeant Peper's Lonely Hearts Club Band plays as Pedophile Man gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Big Elwood. Pedophile Man drops Sergeant Peper with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. Sergeant Peper tests out the ropes. (ring, ring, ring) Big Elwood executes a headlock takedown. ]
Ed Butkis: Big Elwood with a headlock takedown.
Sheik Sandwich: My God man Big ELWOOD could lose tonight. That would be great just like the Bears tanked in the big one.
[Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man with a high crossbody on Big Elwood. Pedophile Man climbs to his feet. Big Elwood moves back to his feet. Big Elwood uses a lariat on Pedophile Man. Big Elwood measures Pedophile Man up and drops a closed fist. Big Elwood puts Pedophile Man in an arm grapevine submission. Pedophile Man moves back to his feet. Pedophile Man trys for a head and arm suplex but is not strong enough to lift Big Elwood.Pedophile Man with a headscissors takeover on Big Elwood. Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man with a falling splash on Big Elwood. Now Big Elwood standing. Sergeant Peper trys for a fireman's carry into flapjack but is not strong enough to lift Big Elwood.Sergeant Peper puts a knee to Big Elwood's back and pulls hims arms back. The referee is checking the situation. ... Big Elwood trys to escape. ... Sergeant Peper tightens the hold. ... Sergeant Peper breaks the hold. Sergeant Peper takes Big Elwood down with a knee. Big Elwood stands up. Big Elwood slaps the face of Sergeant Peper. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Big Elwood with an Aztecan suplex on Sergeant Peper sends him to the mat. Big Elwood is back on his feet. Big Elwood puts Sergeant Peper in an arm grapevine submission. Big Elwood covers Sergeant Peper hooking the leg. Pat Small counts. ...1 Sergeant Peper kicks out. ]
Ed Butkis: Big Elwood should have known better than to try for a pin at this point in the match.
Sheik Sandwich: I was telling him fat, drunk, and stupid is now way to go through life.
[Sergeant Peper is up again. Sergeant Peper spins aroround Big Elwood's back and DDT's him into the mat. Sergeant Peper with the hammerlock on Big Elwood. Pat Small asks Big Elwood if he quits. ... ... Sergeant Peper tightens the hold. ... ... Sergeant Peper breaks the hold. Pedophile Man slingshot elbow drops Big Elwood. Sergeant Peper trys for a inverted atomic drop but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.Sergeant Peper sends Pedophile Man to ringside. Pat Small starts the count (.1) Sergeant Peper trys for a takeover suplex but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.They head back into the ring. Sergeant Peper does a cartwheel and kicks Pedophile Man in the face. Sergeant Peper puts Pedophile Man in an arm grapevine submission. Sergeant Peper knees Pedophile Man and rolls back to his feet. Pedophile Man moves back to his feet. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Big Elwood pulls Pedophile Man's hair. Big Elwood punches Pedophile Man in the head. Pedophile Man mule kicks Big Elwood. Big Elwood nails Pedophile Man with a belly-to-back suplex. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man trys for a backdrop but is not strong enough to lift Big Elwood.Pedophile Man apllies the camel clutch on Big Elwood. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... ... Pedophile Man tightens the hold. Big Elwood escapes. Pedophile Man and Big Elwood go to the floor Pat Small starts the count (.1) Pedophile Man swings a Steel chair and hits Big Elwood. Big Elwood is bleeding as a result. (..2) Pedophile Man pulls Big Elwood's hair. ]
Ed Butkis: Pedophile Man with a hair pull.
Sheik Sandwich: Hide the kids Pedo man is on a roll!
[(...3) Pedophile Man hits a kneeling headbutt to Big Elwood's groin. (....4) Pedophile Man measures Big Elwood up and drops a closed fist. Pedophile Man stands up. (.....5) They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back into the ring. Big Elwood hits a spinning leg lariat on Pedophile Man sending him to the mat. Big Elwood fist drops Pedophile Man on the mat. Big Elwood stands up. Sergeant Peper trys for a super fisherman buster but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.Pedophile Man is locked in the elbow submission by Sergeant Peper. The referee is checking the situation. ... Pedophile Man is fighting the hold. ... Sergeant Peper breaks the hold. Sergeant Peper jabs Pedophile Man. Sergeant Peper bounces Pedophile Man off the ropes and clotheslines him. Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man goes for a cradle DDT but Sergeant Peper dodges the attack. Pedophile Man slaps Sergeant Peper. Pedophile Man neck snaps Sergeant Peper. Sergeant Peper trys for a airplane spin toss but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.Sergeant Peper with the hammerlock on Pedophile Man. Pat Small asks Pedophile Man if he quits. ... ... (AHHHH!) Pedophile Man escapes. Sergeant Peper chops Pedophile Man. ]
Sheik Sandwich: Pedophile Man takes a chop.
[Sergeant Peper hits a kneeling headbutt to Pedophile Man's groin. Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man connects with a flying knee. Sergeant Peper goes down. Pedophile Man rolls onto Sergeant Peper connecting with a knee. Pedophile Man rolls onto Sergeant Peper connecting with a knee. Sergeant Peper trys for a belly-to-back superplex but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.Sergeant Peper puts a knee to Pedophile Man's back and pulls hims arms back. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... Pedophile Man trys to escape. ... Pedophile Man trys to escape. Sergeant Peper breaks the hold. Pedophile Man gets caught with an elbowsmash to the face. Sergeant Peper executes a headlock takedown. ]
Sheik Sandwich: Pedophile Man takes a headlock takedown.
[Sergeant Peper hits Pedophile Man with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Sergeant Peper climbs to his feet. Now Pedophile Man standing. Pedophile Man trys for a single arm DDT but Sergeant Peper avoids it. Pedophile Man and Sergeant Peper go to the floor Pat Small starts the count (.1) ]
Ed Butkis: This is how wrestling should be!
Sheik Sandwich: Boring and lame?
[Pedophile Man executs the slingshot facebuster, slamming Sergeant Peper's face to the floor. Now Pedophile Man standing. (..2) ]
Ed Butkis: The floor is covered with blood from that injury.
Sheik Sandwich: Looks like John Lennon after meeting a bullet.
Ed Butkis: Oh man that’s horrible.
Sheik Sandwich: Right, and hiring a guy named Pedophile Man was kosher.
[Pedophile Man gets sent into the turnbuckle while Big Elwood hits him with a splash. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back into the ring. Big Elwood goes for a fireman's carry into flapjack but Pedophile Man dodges the attack. Big Elwood drags Pedophile Man to the floor. Pat Small starts the count (.1) ]
Ed Butkis: Ringside is covered with blood from these fighters.
[(..2) Pedophile Man gets taken down with an armdrag takedown. Pedophile Man is up again. (...3) Big Elwood rakes his fingers across Pedophile Man's back. (....4) Big Elwood hits Pedophile Man with the back of his elbow. Now Sergeant Peper standing. (.....5) Sergeant Peper takes Big Elwood into the ring. Sergeant Peper comes from behind and bulldogs Big Elwood. Sergeant Peper stomps Big Elwood's head. Big Elwood gets up. Big Elwood hiptosses Sergeant Peper. Big Elwood measures Sergeant Peper up and drops a closed fist. Big Elwood puts Sergeant Peper in an arm grapevine submission. Sergeant Peper with spinning headscissors on Big Elwood send him hard to the mat. Sergeant Peper chants start. ]
Sheik Sandwich: If Sergeant Peper keeps using moves like that spinning headscissors he could win the match!
Ed Butkis: I don’t know I thought maybe a closeline might do it.
[Sergeant Peper is back on his feet. Big Elwood is back on his feet. Pedophile Man sends Big Elwood into Pat Small he goes down. Big Elwood gets thrown into the turnbuckle. Pedophile Man comes over and smashes Big Elwood's head into it. Pedophile Man chops Big Elwood. Sudhir Sundasunderam comes to the ring. Sudhir Sundasunderam punches Big Elwood repeatedly. Sudhir Sundasunderam sucks chants start in the crowd. Sudhir Sundasunderam trys for a takeover suplex but is unable to lift Big Elwood.Ordered is restored. Pat Small gets up. Big Elwood drags Pedophile Man to the floor. They fight into the aisle. Pat Small starts the count (.1) Big Elwood executes a spinning back suplex on Pedophile Man. Big Elwood chants start. Big Elwood is up again. Big Elwood head butts Pedophile Man. Big Elwood climbs to his feet. (..2) Big Elwood executes a jawbreakeron Pedophile Man. Big Elwood is up again. Big Elwood knee drops Pedophile Man. Pedophile Man is up again. (...3) Big Elwood bites Pedophile Man's arm out of desparation. Big Elwood gouges Pedophile Man's eyes out. (....4) Big Elwood spinebuster bombs Pedophile Man onto the floor. Big Elwood chants start. Big Elwood chokes Pedophile Man with his boot. (.....5) ]
Ed Butkis: They'll be counted out if they don't return to the ring.
[Big Elwood puts Pedophile Man in an arm grapevine submission. Big Elwood chokes Pedophile Man. (......6) Big Elwood measures Pedophile Man up and drops a closed fist. Pedophile Man stands up. Big Elwood takes Pedophile Man off his feet with a short-arm clothesline (.......7) Big Elwood knee drops Pedophile Man. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Pedophile Man climbs to his feet. Big Elwood hits Pedophile Man with a baba chop. (........8) ]
Ed Butkis: They better get back to the ring!
[Pedophile Man is speared by Big Elwood. Big Elwood is up again. Big Elwood dives head first into Pedophile Man. Big Elwood chants start. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Big Elwood goes to the ring. (.........9)Pedophile Man moves toward (...........10).
Ed Butkis: The winner of this match, Big Elwood!!!
Sheik Sandwich: Still undefeated after all these years. Say is that Duke Williams in the crowd?
Ed Butkis: He is here to talk some business with me. We may have an announcement next week right here on Friday Night Fights!
=w=
[It’s a live show not aired on any television yet it has announcers broadcasting over the crowd and for tape purposes as they make a killing on DVD sales. In the back of the half filled crowd is Duke Williams taking notes as he watches the action. Tim Johnson the ring announcer enters the ring.]
Tim Johnson ladies and gentleman please rise for the national anthem.
[The anthem plays as the half filled crowd stares at a flag.]
Tim Johnson- Thank you! Now lets get this thing started!! This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from The Bad Lands of Illinois, he is Bad Guy Bag Man Myers!!!
[Bad Guy Bag Man Myers comes to the ring as the crowd boo’s. He grabs the mic from Tim Anderson and looks over at the crowd.]
Bad Guy Bag Man Myers: I think all you losers should put a bag over your heads!! I mean you people are garbage. I’m bad but baby and that’s good!!
Sheik Sandwich: Well Ed those are some strong words from BGBMM!!
Ed Butkis: How dare he insult these people!!
Tim Johnson: …and his opponent, weighing in at 300 pounds, from Steele, PA, Burt Perlow!!!
[Achy Breaky Heart plays as out from the back two steps Burt Perlow as his fans the Perlow Steele section stand and cheer. Burt makes his way to the ring where he is checked by the ref Pat Small. Burt Perlow drops Bad Guy Bag Man Myers with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. (ding, ding, ding) Bad Guy Bag Man Myers puts Burt Perlow on the top rope and executes a superplex. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers gets up. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers grabs Burt Perlow and applies an arm wrench. Burt Perlow gets up. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers gets bounced off of the ropes and hit with a backdrop diver by Burt Perlow. Burt Perlow gets back to his feet. Burt Perlow punches Bad Guy Bag Man Myers repeatedly. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers hits Burt Perlow with a rolling elbow smash to the face. Burt Perlow gets up. Burt Perlow mule kicks Bad Guy Bag Man Myers. ]
Ed Butkis: Bad Guy Bag Man Myers takes a mule kick.
Sheik Sandwich: I once dated a mule.
Ed Butkis: That’s sick.
Sheik Sandwich: Not an animal but a drug smuggler.
Ed Butkis: That’s no better.
Sheik Sandwich: Suck a hard boiled egg.
[Burt Perlow clotheslines Bad Guy Bag Man Myers. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers legsweeps Burt Perlow. Burt Perlow punches Bad Guy Bag Man Myers in the head. Burt Perlow bounces Bad Guy Bag Man Myers off the ropes and faceslams him onto the mat. Burt Perlow gets back to his feet. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers gets up. Burt Perlow throws Bad Guy Bag Man Myers off the ropes and hits him with a cross-body block. Burt Perlow climbs to his feet. They lockup. Burt Perlow sends Bad Guy Bag Man Myers to the corner of the ring. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers takes Burt Perlow off his feet with a short-arm clothesline Now Burt Perlow standing. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers bounces Burt Perlow off the ropes and clotheslines him. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers applies an arm wrench to Burt Perlow. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers grabs Burt Perlow and applies an arm wrench. ]
Ed Butkis: arm wrench!
Sheik Sandwich: No I needed an Allen wrench to fix that damn leaky faucet in the back. Are you listening?
[Bad Guy Bag Man Myers applies an arm wrench to Burt Perlow. Burt Perlow is up again. Burt Perlow nails Bad Guy Bag Man Myers with a double underhook suplex. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers gets hit with the shooting star press from Burt Perlow. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 Bad Guy Bag Man Myers escapes. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers stands up. Burt Perlow puts Bad Guy Bag Man Myers in the double reverse chinlock. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... ... ... Bad Guy Bag Man Myers trys to escape. ... Bad Guy Bag Man Myers trys to escape. Bad Guy Bag Man Myers escapes. Burt Perlow lifts Bad Guy Bag Man Myers up and drops him on his knee. Burt Perlow hits a jumping elbow hrust on Bad Guy Bag Man Myers. They lockup. Burt Perlow sends Bad Guy Bag Man Myers to the corner of the ring. Burt Perlow rakes the face of Bad Guy Bag Man Myers in attempt to make a come back. Burt Perlow chants start. Burt Perlow executes the Supper DDT on Bad Guy Bag Man Myers! Burt Perlow uses an inside cradle to pin Bad Guy Bag Man Myers. Referee Pat Small makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3
Ed Butkis: The winner of this match, Burt Perlow!!!
Sheik Sandwich: Booo!!
[Back stage the 7 foot monster Big Elwood enjoys a Monster Energy Drink.]
Ed Butkis: Even giants need energy! This show is brought to you by monster energy drink!! Cus yuppies need more then coffee!
Sheik Sandwich: I like energy!
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 185 pounds, from Palatine, IL, Steve Larson!!!
[Steve Larson comes to the ring as the crowd cheers.]
Sheik Sandwich: How can these losers cheer for a loser who in ten years has never won a match!! Oh yea they too are losers.
Ed Butkis: Will you stop.
Tim Johnson: …and his opponent, weighing in at 400 pounds, from Ohio, Stinky Pete!!!
(crowd boos )
[Stinky Pete walks to the ring. Pat Small is the referee for this contest. Steve Larson executes a pumphandle suplex on Stinky Pete. Steve Larson gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Stinky Pete. (the bell rings) Steve Larson trys for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Stinky Pete.Stinky Pete is hit with a backward kick. Steve Larson knees Stinky Pete and rolls back to his feet. Stinky Pete is up again. Stinky Pete nails the bridging back suplex on Steve Larson. Stinky Pete sucks chants start in the crowd. Stinky Pete moves back to his feet. Stinky Pete grabs Steve Larson's arm, takes him down, and puts him in the armbar. The referee is checking the situation. ... ... (AHHHH!) ... ... Steve Larson is fighting the hold. Stinky Pete breaks the hold. Steve Larson gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Stinky Pete. Steve Larson hits him with a back fist. Stinky Pete hits a jumping elbow hrust on Steve Larson. Steve Larson stands up. Steve Larson uses a snap mare takeover on Stinky Pete. Stinky Pete climbs to his feet. Stinky Pete executes a huge gutbuster on Steve Larson. Stinky Pete puts Steve Larson in an arm grapevine submission. ]
Ed Butkis: Stinky Pete with a arm grapevine.
Sheik Sandwich: I bet he’s eaten a lot more then grapevines!
[Steve Larson throws Stinky Pete off the ropes, rolls on the ground, comes back up and delivers a clothesline. Steve Larson with a falling splash on Stinky Pete. Steve Larson chants start. Steve Larson gets back to his feet. Stinky Pete takes a slap to the face from Steve Larson. Steve Larson gets back to his feet. Steve Larson gets caught with an elbowsmash to the face. Steve Larson hits Stinky Pete with the back of his elbow. Stinky Pete bites Steve Larson's arm out of desparation. Stinky Pete tackles Steve Larson and pummels his head. Steve Larson stands up. Steve Larson trys for a belly-to-belly suplex but is not strong enough to lift Stinky Pete.Steve Larson drags Stinky Pete to the floor. Pat Small starts the count (.1) Steve Larson gets sent into the turnbuckle while Stinky Pete hits him with a splash. (..2) Spinning neck-breaker from Stinky Pete takes Steve Larson down. Steve Larson gets up. (...3) ]
Ed Butkis - This is quality sports entertainment!
Sheik Sandwich: It is?
[Steve Larson gets picked up and dropped with the fireman's carry by Stinky Pete. Stinky Pete sucks chants start in the crowd. Stinky Pete with a falling splash on Steve Larson. Stinky Pete gets back to his feet. Stinky Pete and Steve Larson move back into the ring. Stinky Pete measures Steve Larson up and drops a closed fist. Stinky Pete gets up. Stinky Pete puts Steve Larson in an arm grapevine submission. Steve Larson gets knock to the ground while Stinky Pete locks him in the chinlock deathlock submission. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... ... ... Steve Larson trys to escape. ... ... Stinky Pete tightens the hold. ... ... Stinky Pete tightens the hold. ... (AHHHH!) ... ... Steve Larson trys to escape. Steve Larson taps out. ]
Sheik Sandwich: Stinky Pete has won the match! Steve Larson is still looking for his first win!!
Tim Johnson: The winner of this match, Stinky Pete!!!
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 128 pounds, from the city of Angels, Miss Judy McDreemy!!!
[Judy McDreemy gives the crowd the figer on her way to the ring.]
Tim Johnson: …and her opponent, weighing in at 190 pounds, from Colorado , Guy Mcver !!!
(crowd cheers *)
[The theme to McGuyver Judy McDreemy drops Guy Mcver with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. Guy Mcver drops Judy McDreemy with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. (ding, ding, ding) Judy McDreemy delivers a short-arm clothesline to Guy Mcver . Guy Mcver is up again. Judy McDreemy mule kicks Guy Mcver . Judy McDreemy applies an arm wrench to Guy Mcver . ]
Ed Butkis: arm wrench!
Sheik Sandwich: You sure get excited over an arm wrench. Man does Zeus suck.
Ed Butkis: Who?
Sheik Sandwich: Never mind. I love this Guy Mcver I watched last week as he turned a crumpled up cup from the crowd into a bomb to win his match.
Ed Butkis: Yes, he is always amazing.
[Judy McDreemy fist drops Guy Mcver on the mat. Judy McDreemy is up again. Guy Mcver executes the front-layout suplex on Judy McDreemy. Guy Mcver stands up. Now Judy McDreemy standing. Guy Mcver hits him with a back fist. Judy McDreemy rakes the face of Guy Mcver in attempt to make a come back. Judy McDreemy executes a headlock takedown. Judy McDreemy trys for a tiger driver but is not strong enough to lift Guy Mcver .Judy McDreemy and Guy Mcver go to the floor Pat Small starts the count (.1) (..2) Judy McDreemy bounces Guy Mcver off the ropes and faceslams him onto the floor. Now Judy McDreemy standing. (...3) Judy McDreemy fist drops Guy Mcver on the floor. Judy McDreemy is back on his feet. (....4) Judy McDreemy applies an arm wrench to Guy Mcver . (.....5) Judy McDreemy takes Guy Mcver into the ring. Judy McDreemy fist drops Guy Mcver on the mat. Judy McDreemy stands up. Judy McDreemy grabs Guy Mcver and applies an arm wrench. Guy Mcver climbs to his feet. Judy McDreemy get whipped into the corner and Guy Mcver follows himin with an avalanche. Guy Mcver sends Judy McDreemy to ringside. Pat Small starts the count (.1) (..2) Guy Mcver pokes Judy McDreemy in the eyes. (...3) Judy McDreemy trys for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Guy Mcver .(....4) Guy Mcver gouges Judy McDreemy's eyes out. ]
Ed Butkis: Guy Mcver executes a eye gouge.
Sheik Sandwich: Very technical move from a man who can turn a popcorn kernel into a ham radio.
[(.....5) Guy Mcver takes Judy McDreemy into the ring. Guy Mcver hits Judy McDreemy with an earringer. Guy Mcver lifts up Judy McDreemy and delivers a gut-wrench power bomb. Judy McDreemy gets back to his feet. Judy McDreemy punches Guy Mcver in the gut. Guy Mcver superkicks Judy McDreemy. Judy McDreemy gets up. Judy McDreemy gets snap suplexed by Guy Mcver . Guy Mcver stands up. Guy Mcver knee drops Judy McDreemy. Guy Mcver chants start. Guy Mcver hits Judy McDreemy with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Judy McDreemy climbs to his feet. Guy Mcver grabs Judy McDreemy's leg and takes him down, then locks his leg. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... Judy McDreemy trys to escape. ... Judy McDreemy trys to escape. ... ... ... ... Judy McDreemy trys to escape. ... ... (AHHHH!) ... Judy McDreemy trys to escape. ... Guy Mcver tightens the hold. Judy McDreemy taps out.
Tim Johnson: The winner of this match, Guy Mcver !!!
Sheik Sandwich: The woman’s rights movement is set back another ten years.
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from McTown, The Hamburgler!!!
(crowd cheers ********)
[The Hamburgler comes to the ring to Cheeseburger in Paradise, handing out stolen hamburgers. He gets to the ring and takes the mic.]
The Hamburgler: Tis I THE HAMBUGLER!! For to long villains have been over charging for quality hamburgers. No longer my friends as I steel from the rich their hamburgers to share with you people!!
Crowd Cheers
Tim Johnson: …and his opponent, weighing in at 260 pounds, from Hell, Death Anderson!!! (crowd boos *********)
[Death Anderson walks to the ring. Pat Small is the referee for this contest. The Hamburgler places Death Anderson on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. The Hamburgler gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Death Anderson. (ding, ding, ding) The Hamburgler hits a spinning leg lariat on Death Anderson sending him to the mat. Now Death Anderson standing. The Hamburgler nails Death Anderson with a belly-to-back suplex. Death Anderson moves back to his feet. Death Anderson dropkicks The Hamburgler to the face. Death Anderson gets up. ]
Sheik Sandwich: The Hamburgler could use some help about now.
Ed Butkis: A breath mint would help.
Sheik Sandwich: His breath is death but I’m supposed to be the funny one.
[Death Anderson climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and executes the diving headbutt on The Hamburgler. ]
Ed Butkis: Good diving headbutt by Death Anderson.
Sheik Sandwich: He dove faster then LOST’s ratings.
[Death Anderson gets back to his feet. Death Anderson drags The Hamburgler to the floor. Pat Small starts the count (.1) (..2) The Hamburgler gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Death Anderson. Death Anderson climbs to his feet. The Hamburgler gets up. (...3) The Hamburgler connects with a flying knee. Death Anderson goes down. (....4) The Hamburgler fist drops Death Anderson on the floor. Death Anderson gets up. The Hamburgler trys for a DDT but Death Anderson avoids it. (.....5) ]
Sheik Sandwich: The Hamburgler can't win the match out there.
[The Hamburgler chokes Death Anderson with a microphone cable. (......6) The Hamburgler and Death Anderson move back into the ring. The Hamburgler chops Death Anderson. Death Anderson legsweeps The Hamburgler. The Hamburgler hits Death Anderson with the back of his elbow. Death Anderson gets taken down with a corkscrew armdrag. Death Anderson picks The Hamburgler up and side suplexes him to the mat. Death Anderson apllies the camel clutch on The Hamburgler. Pat Small asks The Hamburgler if he quits. ... ... Death Anderson tightens the hold. ... ... Death Anderson tightens the hold. The Hamburgler escapes. Death Anderson hits a dragon suplex on The Hamburgler. Death Anderson gets up. Death Anderson puts The Hamburgler in an arm grapevine submission. The Hamburgler is back on his feet. Death Anderson powerbombs The Hamburgler. Death Anderson with a falling splash on The Hamburgler. Death Anderson gets back to his feet. The Hamburgler climbs to his feet. Death Anderson thrust kicks The Hamburgler in the head. Death Anderson goes for a pin. Pat Small counts. ...1 ...2 ...3
Ed Butkis: The winner of this match, Death Anderson!!!
Sheik Sandwich: Death never takes a holiday here on Friday night fights.
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Space, Space Rogers!!!
(crowd boos ******)
[Space Rogers comes to the ring in a space suit. ]
Tim Johnson: …and his opponent, weighing in at 450 pounds, from New York City, Kennedy Sipowicz!!!
(crowd cheers *****)
[Sexy Back Space plays as the fat man dances his way to the ring. Rogers drops Kennedy Sipowicz with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. Kennedy Sipowicz drops Space Rogers with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. (the bell rings) Space Rogers with a high crossbody on Kennedy Sipowicz. ]
Sheik Sandwich - Space Rogers executes a high cross body.
Ed Butkis: That’s heavy man.
[Space Rogers gets back to his feet. Space Rogers executes a corkscrew legdrop on Kennedy Sipowicz. Now Space Rogers standing. Kennedy Sipowicz gets hit with the shooting star press from Space Rogers. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 Kennedy Sipowicz kicks out. Kennedy Sipowicz gets up. Space Rogers drives a forearm into the head of Kennedy Sipowicz. ]
Sheik Sandwich - Kennedy Sipowicz takes a forearm smash HA HA HA!!
Ed Butkis: He sure did.
[Space Rogers bounces Kennedy Sipowicz off the ropes and faceslams him onto the mat. Kennedy Sipowicz stands up. Kennedy Sipowicz pump handle slams Space Rogers to the mat. Kneelock submission applied by Kennedy Sipowicz. Pat Small asks Space Rogers if he quits. ... (AHHHH!) ... ... ... Space Rogers escapes. Kennedy Sipowicz drags Space Rogers to the floor. ]
Ed Butkis: My God! Space Rogers could be killed! They've moved to ringside, there's weapons there!!
Sheik Sandwich: MY GOD OH MY GOD HOLY CHRIST that’s my hair brush under the ring!!
[Pat Small starts the count (.1) Kennedy Sipowicz swings a Steel chair and hits Space Rogers. Space Rogers is bleeding as a result. ]
Sheik Sandwich: I wish every match and sandwich could be like this! Tangy.
[(..2) Kennedy Sipowicz kicks Space Rogers on the floor. Space Rogers gets back to his feet. (...3) Kennedy Sipowicz executes a huge gutbuster on Space Rogers. (....4) Kennedy Sipowicz stomps Space Rogers. (.....5) Kennedy Sipowicz and Space Rogers move back into the ring. Kennedy Sipowicz stomps Space Rogers's head. Space Rogers is back on his feet. Kennedy Sipowicz executes a spinning DDT, planting Space Rogers's head in the mat. Kennedy Sipowicz climbs to his feet. Space Rogers gets hit with the shooting star press from Kennedy Sipowicz. Pat Small counts. ...1 ...2 Space Rogers escapes. Space Rogers stands up. Kennedy Sipowicz pulls Space Rogers's hair. Kennedy Sipowicz hits Space Rogers with the back of his elbow. Kennedy Sipowicz chants start. Kennedy Sipowicz picks up Space Rogers and delivers a tilt-a-whirl suplex. Space Rogers gets back to his feet. Kennedy Sipowicz executes the airplane spin and throws Space Rogers onto the mat. Kennedy Sipowicz wraps his legs around Space Rogers's neck and puts him in the figure-four sleeper. Pat Small asks Space Rogers if he quits. ... Space Rogers trys to escape. ... ... ... ... Kennedy Sipowicz tightens the hold. ... ... ... ... Space Rogers trys to escape. ... Space Rogers trys to escape. Space Rogers taps out. ]
Sheik Sandwich: We've got ourselves a winner!
Ed Butkis: The winner of this match, Kennedy Sipowicz!!!
Tim Johnson: This match is a Standard Match for the World Title title. Coming to the ring first, weighing in at 350 pounds, from Chicago, IL he holds the World Title title belt, Big Elwood!!!
(crowd cheers *************)
[Sweet Home Chicago plays as the old giant makes his way to the ring dressed like a Hacedic Diamond merchant. ]
Big Elwood: I have never been beaten in 20 years!! Tonight will be no different as tonight I dedicate this match to you the people of the greatest city in the world my sweet home Chicago!! Now join me in the bear fight song!!
The Crowd and Elwood: Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down
Tim Johnson - The second in this three way match, weighing in at 105 pounds, from Your Town, USA, Pedophile Man!!!
(crowd boos ******)
[Pedophile Man walks to the ring. ]
Ed Butkis - And third, weighing in at 120 pounds, from Leeds, England , Sergeant Peper!!! (crowd cheers ***********)
[Sergeant Peper's Lonely Hearts Club Band plays as Pedophile Man gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Big Elwood. Pedophile Man drops Sergeant Peper with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. Sergeant Peper tests out the ropes. (ring, ring, ring) Big Elwood executes a headlock takedown. ]
Ed Butkis: Big Elwood with a headlock takedown.
Sheik Sandwich: My God man Big ELWOOD could lose tonight. That would be great just like the Bears tanked in the big one.
[Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man with a high crossbody on Big Elwood. Pedophile Man climbs to his feet. Big Elwood moves back to his feet. Big Elwood uses a lariat on Pedophile Man. Big Elwood measures Pedophile Man up and drops a closed fist. Big Elwood puts Pedophile Man in an arm grapevine submission. Pedophile Man moves back to his feet. Pedophile Man trys for a head and arm suplex but is not strong enough to lift Big Elwood.Pedophile Man with a headscissors takeover on Big Elwood. Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man with a falling splash on Big Elwood. Now Big Elwood standing. Sergeant Peper trys for a fireman's carry into flapjack but is not strong enough to lift Big Elwood.Sergeant Peper puts a knee to Big Elwood's back and pulls hims arms back. The referee is checking the situation. ... Big Elwood trys to escape. ... Sergeant Peper tightens the hold. ... Sergeant Peper breaks the hold. Sergeant Peper takes Big Elwood down with a knee. Big Elwood stands up. Big Elwood slaps the face of Sergeant Peper. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Big Elwood with an Aztecan suplex on Sergeant Peper sends him to the mat. Big Elwood is back on his feet. Big Elwood puts Sergeant Peper in an arm grapevine submission. Big Elwood covers Sergeant Peper hooking the leg. Pat Small counts. ...1 Sergeant Peper kicks out. ]
Ed Butkis: Big Elwood should have known better than to try for a pin at this point in the match.
Sheik Sandwich: I was telling him fat, drunk, and stupid is now way to go through life.
[Sergeant Peper is up again. Sergeant Peper spins aroround Big Elwood's back and DDT's him into the mat. Sergeant Peper with the hammerlock on Big Elwood. Pat Small asks Big Elwood if he quits. ... ... Sergeant Peper tightens the hold. ... ... Sergeant Peper breaks the hold. Pedophile Man slingshot elbow drops Big Elwood. Sergeant Peper trys for a inverted atomic drop but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.Sergeant Peper sends Pedophile Man to ringside. Pat Small starts the count (.1) Sergeant Peper trys for a takeover suplex but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.They head back into the ring. Sergeant Peper does a cartwheel and kicks Pedophile Man in the face. Sergeant Peper puts Pedophile Man in an arm grapevine submission. Sergeant Peper knees Pedophile Man and rolls back to his feet. Pedophile Man moves back to his feet. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Big Elwood pulls Pedophile Man's hair. Big Elwood punches Pedophile Man in the head. Pedophile Man mule kicks Big Elwood. Big Elwood nails Pedophile Man with a belly-to-back suplex. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man trys for a backdrop but is not strong enough to lift Big Elwood.Pedophile Man apllies the camel clutch on Big Elwood. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... ... Pedophile Man tightens the hold. Big Elwood escapes. Pedophile Man and Big Elwood go to the floor Pat Small starts the count (.1) Pedophile Man swings a Steel chair and hits Big Elwood. Big Elwood is bleeding as a result. (..2) Pedophile Man pulls Big Elwood's hair. ]
Ed Butkis: Pedophile Man with a hair pull.
Sheik Sandwich: Hide the kids Pedo man is on a roll!
[(...3) Pedophile Man hits a kneeling headbutt to Big Elwood's groin. (....4) Pedophile Man measures Big Elwood up and drops a closed fist. Pedophile Man stands up. (.....5) They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. They fight into the aisle. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back to ringside. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back into the ring. Big Elwood hits a spinning leg lariat on Pedophile Man sending him to the mat. Big Elwood fist drops Pedophile Man on the mat. Big Elwood stands up. Sergeant Peper trys for a super fisherman buster but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.Pedophile Man is locked in the elbow submission by Sergeant Peper. The referee is checking the situation. ... Pedophile Man is fighting the hold. ... Sergeant Peper breaks the hold. Sergeant Peper jabs Pedophile Man. Sergeant Peper bounces Pedophile Man off the ropes and clotheslines him. Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man goes for a cradle DDT but Sergeant Peper dodges the attack. Pedophile Man slaps Sergeant Peper. Pedophile Man neck snaps Sergeant Peper. Sergeant Peper trys for a airplane spin toss but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.Sergeant Peper with the hammerlock on Pedophile Man. Pat Small asks Pedophile Man if he quits. ... ... (AHHHH!) Pedophile Man escapes. Sergeant Peper chops Pedophile Man. ]
Sheik Sandwich: Pedophile Man takes a chop.
[Sergeant Peper hits a kneeling headbutt to Pedophile Man's groin. Pedophile Man gets up. Pedophile Man connects with a flying knee. Sergeant Peper goes down. Pedophile Man rolls onto Sergeant Peper connecting with a knee. Pedophile Man rolls onto Sergeant Peper connecting with a knee. Sergeant Peper trys for a belly-to-back superplex but is not strong enough to lift Pedophile Man.Sergeant Peper puts a knee to Pedophile Man's back and pulls hims arms back. Referee Pat Small is checking for a tap out. ... Pedophile Man trys to escape. ... Pedophile Man trys to escape. Sergeant Peper breaks the hold. Pedophile Man gets caught with an elbowsmash to the face. Sergeant Peper executes a headlock takedown. ]
Sheik Sandwich: Pedophile Man takes a headlock takedown.
[Sergeant Peper hits Pedophile Man with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Sergeant Peper climbs to his feet. Now Pedophile Man standing. Pedophile Man trys for a single arm DDT but Sergeant Peper avoids it. Pedophile Man and Sergeant Peper go to the floor Pat Small starts the count (.1) ]
Ed Butkis: This is how wrestling should be!
Sheik Sandwich: Boring and lame?
[Pedophile Man executs the slingshot facebuster, slamming Sergeant Peper's face to the floor. Now Pedophile Man standing. (..2) ]
Ed Butkis: The floor is covered with blood from that injury.
Sheik Sandwich: Looks like John Lennon after meeting a bullet.
Ed Butkis: Oh man that’s horrible.
Sheik Sandwich: Right, and hiring a guy named Pedophile Man was kosher.
[Pedophile Man gets sent into the turnbuckle while Big Elwood hits him with a splash. Big Elwood and Pedophile Man move back into the ring. Big Elwood goes for a fireman's carry into flapjack but Pedophile Man dodges the attack. Big Elwood drags Pedophile Man to the floor. Pat Small starts the count (.1) ]
Ed Butkis: Ringside is covered with blood from these fighters.
[(..2) Pedophile Man gets taken down with an armdrag takedown. Pedophile Man is up again. (...3) Big Elwood rakes his fingers across Pedophile Man's back. (....4) Big Elwood hits Pedophile Man with the back of his elbow. Now Sergeant Peper standing. (.....5) Sergeant Peper takes Big Elwood into the ring. Sergeant Peper comes from behind and bulldogs Big Elwood. Sergeant Peper stomps Big Elwood's head. Big Elwood gets up. Big Elwood hiptosses Sergeant Peper. Big Elwood measures Sergeant Peper up and drops a closed fist. Big Elwood puts Sergeant Peper in an arm grapevine submission. Sergeant Peper with spinning headscissors on Big Elwood send him hard to the mat. Sergeant Peper chants start. ]
Sheik Sandwich: If Sergeant Peper keeps using moves like that spinning headscissors he could win the match!
Ed Butkis: I don’t know I thought maybe a closeline might do it.
[Sergeant Peper is back on his feet. Big Elwood is back on his feet. Pedophile Man sends Big Elwood into Pat Small he goes down. Big Elwood gets thrown into the turnbuckle. Pedophile Man comes over and smashes Big Elwood's head into it. Pedophile Man chops Big Elwood. Sudhir Sundasunderam comes to the ring. Sudhir Sundasunderam punches Big Elwood repeatedly. Sudhir Sundasunderam sucks chants start in the crowd. Sudhir Sundasunderam trys for a takeover suplex but is unable to lift Big Elwood.Ordered is restored. Pat Small gets up. Big Elwood drags Pedophile Man to the floor. They fight into the aisle. Pat Small starts the count (.1) Big Elwood executes a spinning back suplex on Pedophile Man. Big Elwood chants start. Big Elwood is up again. Big Elwood head butts Pedophile Man. Big Elwood climbs to his feet. (..2) Big Elwood executes a jawbreakeron Pedophile Man. Big Elwood is up again. Big Elwood knee drops Pedophile Man. Pedophile Man is up again. (...3) Big Elwood bites Pedophile Man's arm out of desparation. Big Elwood gouges Pedophile Man's eyes out. (....4) Big Elwood spinebuster bombs Pedophile Man onto the floor. Big Elwood chants start. Big Elwood chokes Pedophile Man with his boot. (.....5) ]
Ed Butkis: They'll be counted out if they don't return to the ring.
[Big Elwood puts Pedophile Man in an arm grapevine submission. Big Elwood chokes Pedophile Man. (......6) Big Elwood measures Pedophile Man up and drops a closed fist. Pedophile Man stands up. Big Elwood takes Pedophile Man off his feet with a short-arm clothesline (.......7) Big Elwood knee drops Pedophile Man. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Pedophile Man climbs to his feet. Big Elwood hits Pedophile Man with a baba chop. (........8) ]
Ed Butkis: They better get back to the ring!
[Pedophile Man is speared by Big Elwood. Big Elwood is up again. Big Elwood dives head first into Pedophile Man. Big Elwood chants start. Big Elwood gets back to his feet. Big Elwood goes to the ring. (.........9)Pedophile Man moves toward (...........10).
Ed Butkis: The winner of this match, Big Elwood!!!
Sheik Sandwich: Still undefeated after all these years. Say is that Duke Williams in the crowd?
Ed Butkis: He is here to talk some business with me. We may have an announcement next week right here on Friday Night Fights!
=w=