(FADE IN: The locker room of Mary-Lynn Mayweather. Or should we say her makeshift office. She’s brought out a small folding table and sits on an uncomfortable metal folding chair. Papers are stacked a mile high on her desk, as she answers calls on a land line she had personally installed.)
MLM: Oh… that’s today? Right. Well, as you can see I’m in no condition to be thinking about a man like Eddie Whisky. Which is not to say that I or anyone should underestimate the alcoholic beverage. I’ve just had my hands full with legal matters. I’m sure you’ve all heard about PIPA and SOPA being beat back with a croquet mallet. I just want to say how proud I am to have had a hand in organizing protests and petitions against this online Patriot Act.
(Mayweather rolls her eyes.)
MLM: Plus, I’ve been dealing with this unfair legislation against Team VIAGRA in FWCentral sister league Empire Pro, where one of us is going to be fired at Russian Roulette. So I’ve been really busy.
(Mayweather frowns.)
MLM: I haven’t even had time to catch up on Justified in time for the new season. Or Southland. I feel so behind at the local water cooler.
(Mayweather looks over to her tv, and notices that she has the results show of the Voice playing. She blushes and quickly turns it off.)
MLM: That’s… for research.
(Mary lets out a deep sigh. She rests her elbows on her stacks of papers, as she settles her face in the palms of her hands.)
MLM: But while I didn’t have time to prepare my opening or closing statements against one Eddie Whisky, I feel it is of the utmost importance that I address some of his condescending passive aggressive comments.
(Mayweather clears her throat and pulls out a transcript of Whisky’s interview, highlighted to bring out the specific comments Eddie made.)
MLM: Now Eddie, I am fine with the accidents and the bumps and bruises one occurs inside the squared circle, it’s a part of our life. But just know that if I can prove that you have intentionally injured me or any of our colleagues, I will come down hard on you with the full force of the near totalitarian American justice system. There’s a difference between manslaughter and murder. There’s a difference between accident and intentional.
(Mayweather checks the sheet quickly.)
MLM: Ah yes. The most important comment. After hearing this I had to stop watching. It puts my gender, my heart, my hard work to shame. That sort of philosophy makes people hear about Haywire and think, why isn’t that girl being played by Steven Segal? I’m all for equivocal rights in the workplace. Our workplace happens to be one where we beat the tar and snot out of one another.
(Mayweather continues reading the transcript. She takes an elongated pause as she reads Eddie’s story, seemingly for the first time.)
MLM: For someone who talks with the perspective of an eight year old boy, I’m surprised you were able to use the word besmirched correctly. Listen, Eddie, maybe you haven’t gotten out too much. You’re like thirty. If the worst thing that ever happened to you in your life was a bunch of girls chanting bed wetter at you and losing a childhood safety blanket of a doll, I’d count my blessings.
Let me tell you a story. It’s about a small girl in McCandless, Pennsylvania. She was incredibly bright in both intelligence and demeanor. In pre-school, she would be reading instead of eating paste. In elementary school, she would write instead of play tag. In middle school, she’d throw the curve and bring on the divisive glares. Having skipped grades at that point, her peers would consider her nothing more than a kid who made their lives more difficult. By the time she graduated high school, the only friends she had were her books, her facebook friends, and a fifteen year old girl named Hannah.
She wasn’t hurt emotionally like you were, with one sharp jab to the gut. Bleeding for the rest of your life. Sadness pouring out of her.
This smart, kind girl who just wanted to learn was ostracized by her peers for her intelligence, socially used her altruism, and ignored for being just a little kid.
Every gift that the world told her she had, was actually just a curse that separated her from it.
But as I got older, I realized that the girl I was in high school, that smart upbeat girl who hid sadness and pain, wasn’t the woman I had to be. I put that loneliness behind me. I went to college at sixteen. Within a year I felt comfortable. I had friends, I felt like I belonged. It didn’t matter that I was so much younger anymore. It doesn’t matter that you peed your pants when one girl was tormenting you as a child. It doesn’t matter that you went through the next few years of your life being called “Bed Wetty Eddie.” We’re adults Eddie. We all acknowledge our youths are filled with mistakes and problems and tragedies. But do you have any of those problems any more Eddie? Are you peeing your pants in the middle of a wrestling ring? No. Of course not. So what does it matter that it happened twenty years ago?
(Mayweather smiles. The camera pulls back as she stacks some papers.)
MLM: And c’mon. None of those people who called you Bed Wetty Eddie matter one IOTA. Look where you are. You are making your IWF debut at our super show! It’s a hop skip and a jump to the big leagues from here Whisk. Keep your eyes on the prize. So come at me with everything you’ve got. I can’t be the best one day if people pull their punches just because I’m cute. Just like you can’t be the best if you live in the past. We’re both adults. Let’s treat each other like such. A challenge, a competition, and let the best adult win.
(Mayweather smiles, as the camera fades to black.)