Mary-Lynn Mayweather vs. Eddie Whisky

[Stalker]

Normal RP rules.

Singles match.

 

[Showtime]

(in the locker room of the Moss Bay Events Center, Eddie Whisky sits. Eddie is reading a well-thumbed copy of Catch-22. Looking over his pince-nez glasses, he sees the camera. Eddie lays his book aside and smiles.)

Eddie Whisky: Well hello there IWF fans! My name is Eddie Whisky. Now some of you older fans here in the Pacific Northwest may remember me from my days with General Mayhem's Army. I done terrorized the West Coat from Bella Coola to Walla Walla!

(Eddie frowns.)

EW: Wish I could remember it...

(Eddie gets a deep, brooding look on his face. Suddenly he snaps out of his funk, and continues smiling.)

EW: Anyway, that's all in the past! I am a newer, brighter, friendlier Eddie Whisky! Gone is the cruel, misanthropic nincompoop I used to be. I hardly ever injure people anymore, and even my therapist says I've made some headway.

(Eddie gets a serious look on his face now. He folds his glasses and lays them atop his set-aside book.)

EW: But I did not come here to talk about me. Either you know who I am or you don't. And if you don't know who I am now, it means you weren't paying attention and are stupid. No, I am here today to talk about my first IWF match. Very exciting!

(Eddie stands up, and begins to strip out of his street clothes. Once down to his boxers, he sits back on the bench.)

EW: So for my first match in the IWF, I got to prove myself in one-on-one combat against the devious and sinister Mary-Lynn Mayweather. Tough work, expecting ol' Eddie Whisky to beat up a girl. But the joke's on you, IWF! Did you think you could sucker me into a match where I wouldn't fight back because of generations of conditioning that makes beating up women a taboo? Well you're WRONG!!

(Suddenly Eddie stands up, kicking the bench over as he reaches his feet.)

EW: I want to tell you a story, "Mary-Lynn Mayweather", if that is indeed your name! Let me tell you a story about a little boy called Eddie! He was a happy little boy, living in his happy little town! He went to his happy little school, where he was happy! But not everyone wanted our little friend Eddie to be happy! Nosiree, not everyone was content to see young happy Little Eddie be happy and young!

(Again Eddie seems to get a far-away, thousand-mile stare.)

EW: The year was 1984. Little Eddie just had the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER~! when he received his most-ever-special-est Christmas wish: A Cabbage Patch Kid doll. Little Eddie loved his Cabbage Patch doll. He named him Stuart, and he had a birth certificate and it was his and Eddie was his Daddy, and Eddie took him everywhere! Little Eddie and Stuart were inseparable--or so Little Eddie thought.

(Eddie begins pacing, back and forth, forth and back. Then he paces forth and forth and back to back just to mix things up a bit.)

EW: One day at school just after the new year, Little Eddie was enjoying recess, as only a happy little boy with his best friend ever Stuart could. But then, the WORSTTHINGEVER happened. Little Eddie turned his back for a minute, and a little wicked girl called Shirley Parsons came and SNATCHED Stuart right out his his daddy's hands! And she said to Little Eddie "You're playing with a doll Eddie! You're a girl!"

(The look of anguish on Eddie's face would be comical if he wasn't so big and frightening.)

EW: Little Eddie said "give me back Stuart!" but by this time all of Shirley Parsons' friends all came and joined in calling Eddie a girl. Little Eddie go so mad, that he pushed Shirley over. He was justified in his wrath! He had been robbed, besmirched! His boyhood had been put into question! But then the GREAT INJUSTICE happened!

(More pacing follows. Back. Forth. Etc.)

EW: Shirley Parsons began to cry! And the recess monitor Mr. Hudson came over and asked 'what has happened?' And all of Shirley Parsons' friends all said 'Eddie pushed Shirley! Eddie tried to steal her doll! Eddie is a meany who hits girls!" Eddie tried to defend his honor. His good name! He was defending what was his! Stuart was going to get upset being separated from his daddy! He got so upset, he wet his pants! As Little Eddie sometimes did when he was upset.

(Spittle begins to form at the corners of Eddie's mouth.)

EW: Then! Then the recess monitor tells Eddie to stop lying! and he was punished because he once again had an accident in his pants! And Shirley Parsons got all the kids to start chanting BED WETTY EDDIE! BED WETTY EDDIE! That makes no sense! Eddie wasn't EVEN IN BED!!

(Eddie punches a locker, leaving a small red fist-shape spot on the door. If he feels anything, He does not let it show.)

EW: She told the recess monitor that Stuart was hers! The recess monitor BELIEVED her! Shirley Parsons stole Stuart! And the kids! They kept on chanting!

(Eddie resumes his mad pacing. The spittle turns into an outright froth.)

EW: And then when he went home and told his papa, Little Eddie was told... DO YOU KNOW WHAT PAPA TOLD HIM?! He told Eddie to MAN UP! Boys don't play with dolls! He went out and got Eddie a whole wack of G.I. Joe toys and said "There ya go Little Eddie! That's what a boy plays with!"

(Eddie stops. His voice becomes very cold and steady.)

EW: Little Eddie never saw Stuart again. Shirley Parsons moved to another school just two days later. But the chanting never stopped. Bed Wetty Eddie. Bed Wetty Eddie. Bed. Wetty. Eddie. BED! WETTY! EDDIE! You think I can't hit a girl, Mary-Lynn Mayweather?

(The camera zooms to an extreme close-up.)

EW: Do not BET ON IT!!!!!

(Fade...)

 

[Ford]

(FADE IN: The locker room of Mary-Lynn Mayweather. Or should we say her makeshift office. She’s brought out a small folding table and sits on an uncomfortable metal folding chair. Papers are stacked a mile high on her desk, as she answers calls on a land line she had personally installed.)

MLM: Oh… that’s today? Right. Well, as you can see I’m in no condition to be thinking about a man like Eddie Whisky. Which is not to say that I or anyone should underestimate the alcoholic beverage. I’ve just had my hands full with legal matters. I’m sure you’ve all heard about PIPA and SOPA being beat back with a croquet mallet. I just want to say how proud I am to have had a hand in organizing protests and petitions against this online Patriot Act.

(Mayweather rolls her eyes.)

MLM: Plus, I’ve been dealing with this unfair legislation against Team VIAGRA in FWCentral sister league Empire Pro, where one of us is going to be fired at Russian Roulette. So I’ve been really busy.

(Mayweather frowns.)

MLM: I haven’t even had time to catch up on Justified in time for the new season. Or Southland. I feel so behind at the local water cooler.

(Mayweather looks over to her tv, and notices that she has the results show of the Voice playing. She blushes and quickly turns it off.)

MLM: That’s… for research.

(Mary lets out a deep sigh. She rests her elbows on her stacks of papers, as she settles her face in the palms of her hands.)

MLM: But while I didn’t have time to prepare my opening or closing statements against one Eddie Whisky, I feel it is of the utmost importance that I address some of his condescending passive aggressive comments.

(Mayweather clears her throat and pulls out a transcript of Whisky’s interview, highlighted to bring out the specific comments Eddie made.)

MLM: Now Eddie, I am fine with the accidents and the bumps and bruises one occurs inside the squared circle, it’s a part of our life. But just know that if I can prove that you have intentionally injured me or any of our colleagues, I will come down hard on you with the full force of the near totalitarian American justice system. There’s a difference between manslaughter and murder. There’s a difference between accident and intentional.

(Mayweather checks the sheet quickly.)

MLM: Ah yes. The most important comment. After hearing this I had to stop watching. It puts my gender, my heart, my hard work to shame. That sort of philosophy makes people hear about Haywire and think, why isn’t that girl being played by Steven Segal? I’m all for equivocal rights in the workplace. Our workplace happens to be one where we beat the tar and snot out of one another.


(Mayweather continues reading the transcript. She takes an elongated pause as she reads Eddie’s story, seemingly for the first time.)

MLM: For someone who talks with the perspective of an eight year old boy, I’m surprised you were able to use the word besmirched correctly. Listen, Eddie, maybe you haven’t gotten out too much. You’re like thirty. If the worst thing that ever happened to you in your life was a bunch of girls chanting bed wetter at you and losing a childhood safety blanket of a doll, I’d count my blessings.

Let me tell you a story. It’s about a small girl in McCandless, Pennsylvania. She was incredibly bright in both intelligence and demeanor. In pre-school, she would be reading instead of eating paste. In elementary school, she would write instead of play tag. In middle school, she’d throw the curve and bring on the divisive glares. Having skipped grades at that point, her peers would consider her nothing more than a kid who made their lives more difficult. By the time she graduated high school, the only friends she had were her books, her facebook friends, and a fifteen year old girl named Hannah.

She wasn’t hurt emotionally like you were, with one sharp jab to the gut. Bleeding for the rest of your life. Sadness pouring out of her.


This smart, kind girl who just wanted to learn was ostracized by her peers for her intelligence, socially used her altruism, and ignored for being just a little kid.


Every gift that the world told her she had, was actually just a curse that separated her from it.


But as I got older, I realized that the girl I was in high school, that smart upbeat girl who hid sadness and pain, wasn’t the woman I had to be. I put that loneliness behind me. I went to college at sixteen. Within a year I felt comfortable. I had friends, I felt like I belonged. It didn’t matter that I was so much younger anymore. It doesn’t matter that you peed your pants when one girl was tormenting you as a child. It doesn’t matter that you went through the next few years of your life being called “Bed Wetty Eddie.” We’re adults Eddie. We all acknowledge our youths are filled with mistakes and problems and tragedies. But do you have any of those problems any more Eddie? Are you peeing your pants in the middle of a wrestling ring? No. Of course not. So what does it matter that it happened twenty years ago?


(Mayweather smiles. The camera pulls back as she stacks some papers.)



MLM: And c’mon. None of those people who called you Bed Wetty Eddie matter one IOTA. Look where you are. You are making your IWF debut at our super show! It’s a hop skip and a jump to the big leagues from here Whisk. Keep your eyes on the prize. So come at me with everything you’ve got. I can’t be the best one day if people pull their punches just because I’m cute. Just like you can’t be the best if you live in the past. We’re both adults. Let’s treat each other like such. A challenge, a competition, and let the best adult win.

(Mayweather smiles, as the camera fades to black.)

 

[Showtime]

[ooc]
I think I've missed the rebuttal time-limit, but such an rp deserves a reply. I'll try to post one later today.

 

[Ford]

Considering how I basically sniped, I have no problems with you posting an additional rp. Whether it counts is up to our bosses though

 

[Showtime]

Nah, all's good. Little bambino at home prevents steady RPing anyway.