Cut to: The poorly-lit interior of a bar that’s seen better days. Billy Lovemuscle sits alone at a table with a bottle of something called Wild Turkey and a half-empty glass. Behind Lovemuscle on the dingy wall is a dart board which has not seen use in a very long time and a very old sign for Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. The scene is extremely quiet… Lovemuscle takes a sip of his drink and makes a hugely exaggerated grimace.
“Neighbors, Ah reckon t’day Ah really AM drinkin’ horse piss, ‘cause this sure ain’t mah usual sweet Kentucky bourbon…”
He places the glass back on the table and looks directly into the camera.
“Ah guess that despite mah efferts Ah done gone an’ offended a few folks. Well, Ah ain’t gonna apologize fer that – in mah way o’ thinkin’ that’s jist them bein’ them, an’ they woulda gone off on somebody anyways. Ah reckon they’re jist ornery people ta begin with, an’ that they’re pickin’ on the new feller. That’s all right, Ah suppose, but Ah did want ta point out a couple o’ things.
“It’d be too gosh darn easy to ask Joe the Plumber if’n he’s got any more outdated homo-sexual references he’d like ta toss at me, like a good George-Michaels-in-the-public-outhouse joke. But then Ah guess when you’ve been inhalin’ turd fumes yer whole life you jist come up with the insults when you can, an’ if they ain’t exactly relative ta today ya don’t really notice. Ah reckon he’s jist happy his brain still works at all.”
Another drink, another grimace.
“An’ it’d be easy ta give credit ta Teresa fer that Lovecraft reference an’ then turn around an’ quote Crowley or Euripides or somesuch ta prove Ah ain’t as lowbrow as she thinks. But the way Ah figger it, people are gonna think what they think no matter what Ah say ta try to dissuade ‘em. You think Ah’m stupid? You go right on thinkin’ that way… But the fact o’ the matter is that these two folks ain’t never seen or met me before, an’ Ah’m pretty damned certain that they ain’t never seen me in a wrasslin’ ring before, so Ah figger they’re jist jawin’ ta cover up their fear. Fear o’ the unknown…fear o’ me…”
(Off-camera: the sounds of someone approaching. “…camera’s worth more than a hundred bucks!”)
Lovemuscle leans in close to the camera.
“Joe, Teresa…Ah ain’t done nothin’ to you personally. You folk’s got a problem with me? We kin always settle things in the ring…”
And suddenly a pool cue is broken over the back of Billy’s head.
Blackout.
“Neighbors, Ah reckon t’day Ah really AM drinkin’ horse piss, ‘cause this sure ain’t mah usual sweet Kentucky bourbon…”
He places the glass back on the table and looks directly into the camera.
“Ah guess that despite mah efferts Ah done gone an’ offended a few folks. Well, Ah ain’t gonna apologize fer that – in mah way o’ thinkin’ that’s jist them bein’ them, an’ they woulda gone off on somebody anyways. Ah reckon they’re jist ornery people ta begin with, an’ that they’re pickin’ on the new feller. That’s all right, Ah suppose, but Ah did want ta point out a couple o’ things.
“It’d be too gosh darn easy to ask Joe the Plumber if’n he’s got any more outdated homo-sexual references he’d like ta toss at me, like a good George-Michaels-in-the-public-outhouse joke. But then Ah guess when you’ve been inhalin’ turd fumes yer whole life you jist come up with the insults when you can, an’ if they ain’t exactly relative ta today ya don’t really notice. Ah reckon he’s jist happy his brain still works at all.”
Another drink, another grimace.
“An’ it’d be easy ta give credit ta Teresa fer that Lovecraft reference an’ then turn around an’ quote Crowley or Euripides or somesuch ta prove Ah ain’t as lowbrow as she thinks. But the way Ah figger it, people are gonna think what they think no matter what Ah say ta try to dissuade ‘em. You think Ah’m stupid? You go right on thinkin’ that way… But the fact o’ the matter is that these two folks ain’t never seen or met me before, an’ Ah’m pretty damned certain that they ain’t never seen me in a wrasslin’ ring before, so Ah figger they’re jist jawin’ ta cover up their fear. Fear o’ the unknown…fear o’ me…”
(Off-camera: the sounds of someone approaching. “…camera’s worth more than a hundred bucks!”)
Lovemuscle leans in close to the camera.
“Joe, Teresa…Ah ain’t done nothin’ to you personally. You folk’s got a problem with me? We kin always settle things in the ring…”
And suddenly a pool cue is broken over the back of Billy’s head.
Blackout.
