D-Interested
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jan-15-03 AT 06:49 PM (EST)]Fade in to a black backdrop with a green and white Ratings Boost insignia. A pair of steel chairs have been set up in front of the backdrop. In one chair sits a blond man of average height, clad in white dress pants and a white suit coat; his features are reminiscent of a teen heartthrob, though the build of his body and the thickness of his neck suggest that he's most certainly not a fluff pop artist. The other chair is used for the man to rest his feet on.
Obviously, this is the self-styled Show Stealer, Dean Matthews.
"So yeah," Dean says as he leans back in the chair, clasping his hands behind his head. "You people out there watched Revolution. You know why I'm here. But let's recap. I, Dean Matthews, the Show Stealer, am here to make your lives better. I know all you little boys and girls out there in TV land are tired of watching fat sacks of roids stink up GXW, so I'm here to save the day. And ladies, yes, I'm single- and I steal the show in the bedroom just as well I do in the squared circle."
"But I'm sure you yokels didn't tune in to hear me rant and rave about my d*ck size. God knows everyone in GXW does that anyway. Instead, I'd like to direct a few words to Erik Zieba and Chad Dupree. No hard feelings, fellas, ah? It's all about business. I can understand why you may be a little angry with us now, but once the latest batch of Nielsen ratings come in you'll be praising us like we were kings."
Dean pauses to swing his feet off of the second chair, kicking it aside.
"With that aside, I'm going to get onto this match I've been booked on on... Onslaught? Against... Derrick Rodgers? Translation: I'm wrestling a curtain jerker on the B show. Oooooooh. Punishing me for something, Erik? You think after we made SUCH an impression on you on Revolution you'd feel convinced to put me on X-Perience with the REST of the Ratings Boost. But no problem... I'll be in the house."
"But I'm digressing. Back to Rodgers. So, Dirk. I don't know you... but I DO know you were scheduled for a match on the recent episode of Revolution. What happened? You chickened out. Don't give me that contract differences bullshmeet. Fact of the matter is that you were SCARED to get into the ring with Kevin Powers, even WITH Troy Douglas on your team. See, if that were ME booked in that match, I'd have walked in there, sat the little ol' Throwback down, and took Good God the Beerville Drunk to school myself. But you don't have that kind of talent, do you? No... only thing you know how to do is whine and run."
"But lemme ask you a question, Dirky. Do you honestly think you were put in this match as even competition for me? N'uh-uh. No way. You were put in this match so I could tuck an easy win under my belt and move on to bigger things. The fact of the matter is... I'm just better than you. For all your D-Bombs and D-Drillers and D-Stroyers and D-Busters and any other move in your arsenal that can conceivably be spelled with a D, you STILL can't hold a jock to me. I'm the best technical wrestler in Global X-Treme Wrestling today. I've got more years of amateur wrestling under my belt than you could even begin to guess. I'm a legend on the indy circuit. I've taken down men over twice my size easily. What it all adds up to, Dirkin, is that Dean Matthews equals ratings. You don't. Dean Matthews equals talent. You don't. And Dean Matthews equals winner. You don't."
"So do yourself a favor. Hop in your car, Drive down D-Dumb@ss Drive until you hit downtown, hang a left at D-Dipsh*t Lane, park on the top D-Deck of the parking lot at the D-Days Inn, then get your D-Dorky @ss down to the stadium and get ready to get D-Molished. 'Cause I'm D-Dean Matthews, and I'll be D-Damned if I let myself get D-Feated by a D-D1ldo like you. D-Doucheb@g."
Fade out.