(DISCLAIMER: Any characters that are not my own in this note have the express written consent of the owner. Any names or likeness to any real or fictional characters that are trademarked, copyrighted, and/or are owned intellectual property of others, are strictly coincidental. Thank you and enjoy.)
(FADEIN to Shamon Manor, located in beautiful city of Detroit, Michigan. With the town being one of the hardest hit areas during the current economic recession, several large estates were foreclosed upon and available at an extremely reasonable price. After winning American Voice Factor X and signing a recording contract with Casablanca Records, Shamon was able to procure the property with his earnings. Shamon is in the process of remodeling and duplicating some aspects of the estate of his idol and mentor’s home, Neverland Valley Ranch.
Shamon is outside of his new home in the backyard of the mansion, seated by the pool discussing future plans for the renovations with his interior decorator, as well as contractor. The decorator is jotting down notes and flipping through a book of paint samples. The contractor has a blueprint of the home and a layout of the grounds unrolled on the table.
Shamon is standing over the two individuals, spitting out various thoughts and ideas he has on the place. The Disco Midget is the pool, wearing floaties on his arms and is lying out on an inflatable lounger. Shamon is wearing a shiny metallic outfit, with leather straps around the arms and legs. He has his blonde gheri curl pulled back in a short ponytail. The drips from his hair activator are streaming down the back of the suit.)
I have big plans for this place. I want the front driveway of the mansion to be in the shape of a giant “S”. I want to pool to be redone and made in the shape of a music note. Maybe an octave clef or an alto clef shape…yeah…one of those.
Well the “S” shaped driveway is a nightmare logistically. It would have to be very wide for a limo to reach your front door. And then we have to think of a way to lead to the cars coming and going to get back on the main road to get off the property. The pool may not be too difficult. I’m not certain what those notes look like, but it shouldn’t be a problem. We just did Lady GaGa’s pool last week in the shape of a disco stick. I still don’t know what this is.
We also need to figure out where the Ferris wheel and roller coaster will go. I want an area for a zoo. Maybe even a garden of art. Sculptures, hedges in the shape of polar bears, water fountains…the bigger…the better. Then a giant gate at the main entrance. I am not sold on a name for this place yet. Maybe Shangri-La, Narnia, or Wonderland! I will consult with a few of my advisors. It will be great! I am so excited! It makes me want to SCREAM! (Starts singing.)
Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me. Stop pressurin' me. Make you just wanna scream! HOOOOOOO!
(Shamon does a spin move and starts bobbing his head violently. Activator flies out of his hair and onto the unrolled plans on the table.)
Alright, Mr. Shamon. I think we have a good idea of where we are going with things. We will meet back in a few days.
Well, I may be away. I have a wrestling match soon. I am a competitor for the ULTRATITLE! Yes…that title. The most prestigious championship in all the land! Wrestling is a hobby of mine. You might have seen me win a match about two weeks ago? (Not giving the man time to answer.)
Of course you did. I spoke to my spiritual advisor and she told me that I need to envision it in my mind and then I could make it possible. It actually worked! It’s amazing! It makes me just wanna…wanna…wanna rock with you! (Starts singing.)
You gotta feel that heat. And we can ride the boogie. Share that beat of love. I wanna ROCK WITH YOU, all night. Dance you into day, sunlight, I want to ROCK WITH YOU, all night. Rock the night awaaaayyyy! OHHHH! SHA…SHA…UHH…SHAMON!
(Shamon does some shoulder shimmies after he sings. The contractor looks frightened and nods his head. He exits swiftly with the interior decorator. Shamon looks puzzled for a brief moment and breaks into a dance. He kicks a beach ball that is lying in the pool area and it hits the Disco Midget in the pool. This causes him to try to block the ball and as a result he rolls off of the inflatable lounger and into the water around him.)
(Cut to ten minutes later. The Disco Midget is drying off with a towel. Shamon has changed into his training clothes. He is wearing a green leotard with purple legwarmers. He has a gold sequin head band and has a cutoff shirt with a large neck area exposing one of his shoulders. Shamon is seated in a chair waiting to hear instructions from his vocal coach, as he applies several squirts of activator to his hair. The dwarf checks his cell phone, he has a missed call. He then checks his text messages.)
Shamon, remember when I told you earlier that you were going to have a special trainer for your match? Well…he is almost here. He was about five minutes away when he sent me a message. He should be here any minute.
Is it Tae Bo expert, Billy Blanks? Maybe Jillian Michaels from the Fattest Loser show? Oh…I know…its world-renown Zumba enthusiast, Gerardo! (Singing with a Hispanic accent.) Ricoooo…..suaaavveee!
Look, kid…I think you need to step it up more. The Pilates and kegel exercises will only get you so far…
But kegel is excellent core training. All of the experts harp on having a strong core.
I don’t know how to break it to you, other than to just say it. Your training today is going to be conducted by the one and only…
(As Disco Midget is explaining himself about Shamon’s training, a large figure walks into the background behind Shamon.)
SHAMON, your training is gonna be conducted .. by .. ME!
AHHHH! I need to get to my PANIC ROOM!
(Shamon jumps out of his seat and scurries off toward the maintenance room by the pool. He slams the door shut behind him. The deadbolt can be heard locking into place. Kevin Powers and Disco Midget walk to the door and speak to Shamon.)
Shamon…this isn’t your panic room. Do you realize that the hinges are out here? If he wanted to, KP could just rip the door down. He’s not here to beat you up. He’s actually here to help you. If anyone knows anything about being in the ring with Henry Dylan, it’s him. Now will you just come out and listen to the man? I spent a lot of money to fly him here. I think he can offer us good insight into your opponent.
Shamon, for the love of God, would you come out of the closet already! (Turns to the camera.)
Um, no ... really, come out of the closet. (Grins and gives a wink.)
I promise, I will not harm you. I've come here to help. As for the midge though…I make no such guarantees.
You son of a b*tch! You would threaten me after I gave you this all-expenses paid trip to Detroit?
POWERS: (Turns and looks down at Disco.)
You mean this sought after tourist attraction? (Powers points directly at Disco.)
YOU PUT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF COACH you ungrateful wretch! Just for that ...
(Powers kicks Disco and the little guy lifts up about five feet in the air. He hits the ground and grovels in pain.)
Disco? Disco? Are you ok? What was that ruckus?
Relax Shamon, the midget is OK. He just believed he could fly ... he believed he could touch the sky ...
(Shamon opens the door and sees his friend on the ground. He walks out to check on him, but Powers stops him.)
Shamon, look. I’m on a tight schedule. I have some DVDs with me that we need to study. No one wants to see you beat Dylan more than me ... BELIEVE ME! Disco will be fine. Come with me.
(Cut to a few hours later. Inside the mansion, in a decent sized movie theater, Shamon and Powers are finishing up with watching the Powers/Dylan match from Round One.)
So when he does that, you need to counter with a…
I remember…I counter with a swinging neckbreaker. We went over this already. I think I can do this. In fact, I know I can.
This assclown cost me everything and now he has the nerve to continue to rub my nose in it. He won't keep my name off his damn lips! If you want, I can be in your corner for the match. I would love to see the look on his face after you hit The Thriller and pin him for the three count!
(Shamon pulls up his DVR menu and clicks on the latest ULTRATITLE show on ESEN. He fast forwards through most of it and plays the latest Henry Dylan promo. His emotions change throughout the clip. One moment he is happy, another moment he appears scared, and he turns to Powers after it airs.)
This guy is serious business.
He's Bi-Polar. He thinks he's the underdog, then he thinks he's the favorite. He underestimates you, but then he turns around and considers you a serious threat. He's scared of you, then he considers you a joke. If he wants to think from both sides of the coin then you need to help him out and BREAK THIS PUNK IN TWO! I took him lightly ... I was the sacrifice, but now everyone knows who he is. More importantly YOU know exactly who he is and this gives you the upper hand Shamon…
(Disco Midget walks into the room and sits down. He has an ice pack over his crotch from the kick by Powers. They two of them have a stare down and Disco ignores Powers, for Shamon’s benefit and chimes in with his thoughts.)
Did you hear him? He calls YOU a joke and his opinion is credible how exactly? What did he do? He’s a former school teacher. The man has held no titles in this business. And he is obviously jealous because you have talent. You can’t argue with 20 million viewers! You have everything going for you and this bum has absolutely NOTHING! You can trust me, I guided the Disco Express to multiple World tag team titles. I know this business like the back of my hand!
The guy is a “Friendly Stranger”, so maybe he isn’t that bad.
Yeah…and so was the serial killer, Ted Bundy! Dylan even slipped up and said “Strangler” instead of “Stranger”. Was it a slip of the tongue? I doubt it. Don’t trust him or let him lure you into a false sense of security. The man is at his wits end. You can tell he hasn’t gotten any rest in days because he claims he has had visions of you in his dreams.
Well, I know that all the ladies have dreams about me…but a man? That’s a bit disturbing. And they let him around kids when he was a school teacher? That’s just wrong…no telling what occurred in his classroom after school let out. Just like Kev said, he says one thing, then another.
In one instance he calls me his latest victim and then the next he says that he fears me. Maybe he IS bi-polar. Maybe with him it’s not all BLACK OR WHITE! (Starts to sing.)
It's black, it's white. It's tough for you to get by. Yeah yeah yeah. It's black, it's white…OHHHHH!
(Shamon stands up out of his seat and rips his cutoff shirt open, does a few hand jive movements, and does a short robotic-like dance. He finishes off the dance number with a small moonwalk and then does it back to his seat before he sits down.)
Shamon, this is serious business. The man has threatened you, your career, and any plans you have of making it into the next round of the ULTRATITLE tournament. He isn’t right in the head. It comes down to what you can do in the ring. I know you see this sport as only a hobby, but I know deep down inside a champion of the ring lurks within your heart. It’s up to me and Powers to bring it out of you.
But Disco, I am not used to a competition like this. It’s easy for me to pull at the heartstrings of all of my fans and have them call in and vote for their favorite contestant. But this time…(Gulps.)
…this time is different. I’m a lover…not a fighter. (Starts to sing.)
The girl is miiinne…the doggone girl is miiiinne! I don’t belieeeve it! She’s mine mine mine mine mine. (Inhales.)
Don’t waste your time. The doggone girl is mine! OHHH! (Stops singing.)
And that girl is the ULTRATITLE championship, silly!
Oh brother. (Rolls his eyes.)
Look…Dylan went out of his way to commission an interviewer to do his dirty work. He was fully prepared to do that gag to mock you and me! But he wised up because he knew that whatever bit he came up with would have been executed poorly. He wants the world to believe he is some badass. That he is all business and no nonsense.
He is trying to get in your head. Don’t let him do it. If I was tall enough, I would slap you straight across the face and knock some got-damn sense into you! This is serious business! Don’t you want to be the best? Don’t you want to prove to everyone in both the wrestling and entertainment industries that you are a bona fide SUPERSTAR?
Everyone thinks of us as a joke. A sideshow act. No one thinks that Shamon will be the next winner of the ULTRATITLE. All we are to them is some comic relief…Dylan said it himself. It’s time for you to put your game face on. It’s time for you to step your game up and prove to him and everyone watching that you are a legitimate threat to anyone you step into the ring against. I can sit here all day, until I’m blue in the face, and tell you what needs to be done. But until you accept it…all anyone will ever think is that you are a pretender!
(Disco ponders a thought for a brief moment and comes at Shamon from a different angle.)
Do you remember the time, NO…please don’t sing…
Do you remember…when we fell in love? We were young and innocent then. Umm…hmmm. Do you remember the time…when we fell in love…do you remember the time…when we first met girl? OH I! OH I! Do you remember the time? OWWW! UHHH! OHHHH!
As I was saying. Do you RECALL when your mentor and idol, the late great Michael Jackson, was battling all of those leeches who were filing lawsuits on him from some form of sexual harassment?
He was such a ladies man.
Uhh…yeah, that’s right. And what did he do? He fought them! He said you aren’t going to take my money! You aren’t going to disparage my name and get away with it! And once he stood his ground…those people withdrew those lawsuits. Why…because the accusations they were slinging around had absolutely no merit to them!
(Shamon listens intently, as if the words are sinking in.)
Don’t let him do the same to you. All of these comments he is making are only trying to bury you in the eyes of your fans. You have to shake it off. You have to go into that ring and let him have it! Make him eat those words!
Oh yeah…one more thing. He also made a wisecrack at your hero and said he was going to treat you like he was Dr. Conrad Murray.
He did what!? Oh…that evil evil mean man!
(Shamon is visibly ticked off and starts fanning his face in an attempt to calm his nerves.)
HOW DARE HE!? I have NEVER been SO insulted! Even when Lucious Starr said all of those hurtful things…it was nothing compared to THAT! Well I never…NEVER!
(Disco lets out an evil grin, as if he finally got his message across to Shamon.)
That’s right, Shamon. We will make him pay for that. (He lets out an over exaggerated evil laugh, much like a 1970’s James Bond villain.)
(FADE TO BLACK as Shamon is fuming. Powers stands up and has his palms open. Shamon starts punching them, but they have little to no effect on the Emperor of Hardcore. Shamon lets out a “HOOOOO” in anger.)