RUSSIAN ROULETTE: Houston, TX - 3/12/05

[DBrunkGXW]

"Good luck out there," it was a voice he hadn't heard in months. "We don't want ya losing your nickname tonight, do we?"
"What are you doing here, Foxx?"

She was standing with her back to the open door, dressed casually in blue jeans, a denim jacket over her red t-shirt. Her hair is in a ponytail, and she leans herself off of the wall, walking over to stand next to him.

"Exactly what I just said. I came to wish ya luck. Not like I'm gonna just disappear off the planet cuz ya don't talk to me. Figured I'd show up for a bit a support. Maybe you'll do some in the future for me, eh?" Winking, she sits next to Karl. She had always seemed familiar and casual around him, ever since he had first met her all those months ago in Japan.

"Thanks, but I don't need luck. And I very much doubt you're here for something that simple."

"You believe whatcha want," she smirked. She'd been keeping an eye on the difference in him since June, and took some measure of solace in the fact he hadn't yet told her to leave.

"I always do. You should try it sometime," Karl stood, walked across the room, and stretched against the wall. He didn't need to let her distract him from his pre-match ritual. He knew that Davis would be a tough opponent. But a the same time he felt oddly calm with Foxx there. They had been friends, but over the months had grown distant, one of the few things he had at times regretted. But he knew that what he had done needed to be done for his own betterment.

"Having your own beliefs is all well and good if ya choose the correct path."

"I knew it," Karl spun rapidly on his heel, his voice steely. "Shinji sent you in another attempt to get me to reconsider."

"Wrong. Ya know me better than that, Karl," Foxx said standing, walking over with her voice now firm. How her former friend had changed. What not everyone saw, she did; Karl had become deeply paranoid. He had always been philosophical, but now it was clear to her that he spoke with self-doubt, self conciousness, and fear. She could see he was looking for any way he could to blame someone other than himself for what had happened. "Shinji trained me, but he doesn't control me."

"Given up on trying that with his pupils, has he?"

"He never tried to control you. He just wanted what was best for ya."

That was all he could stand. Angrily, Karl spun to face the wall again. Before he could speak, Foxx was talking again.

"He wanted you to fulfill your potential, same as he wants me to. He was trying to help ya and you turned your back on him. It's in the past now."

The room was silent. Foxx was now standing just behind him, and he could sense she had more she wanted to say. He also knew that what she wanted to say she didn't need to. He knew she knew that.

"Welcome to the company, Foxx," he said, turning and walking out of the door. Silently, Foxx moved over, her eyes transfixed on the door as she sat on the bench.

"Good luck, Karl," she said, under her breath. "I'll see ya again, I'm sure."



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(Fade to a black screen, an ominous violin note playing faintly in the background. The picture slowly fades in to a tabletop, a black revolver lying upon it.)

OMINOUS VOICE: Go ahead. Play the game.

(GUNSHOT. Flash to a dark silhouette holding the revolver.)

OMINOUS VOICE: Walk that fine line. Try and survive.

(GUNSHOT. One end of the gun spins in from the bottom left, then vanishes, then the other end appears, as though it were being spun off screen.)

OMINOUS VOICE: Or will you lose it all?

(GUNSHOT. Cut to a silhouette slumping to the floor. Cut off all music. Fade to black.)

OMINOUS VOICE: ...Do you have the stones?

(Cue up: Scorpions - "Is There Anybody Out There?" Images of the revolver spinning slowly on the tabletop are intercut with other clips.

CUT TO: Beast delivering the Absolution off the turnbuckles to Adam Benjamin.

CUT TO: Lindsay Troy and Christian Sands holding the Tag-Team Titles.

CUT TO: JA delivering the Karelin Driver to Christian Sands.

CUT TO: John Doe delivering the Amnesia Attack to Troy Douglas.

CUT TO: A close-up shot of the upper left side of a revolver's barrel viewed from the front, rotating slowly.

CUT TO: Eric Davis coming out of the crowd to ambush Karl Brown.

CUT TO: Dis striding down the ramp.

CUT TO: Dis attacking Cross and leaving him for dead.

CUT TO: Beast holding the World Title over his head.

CUT TO: Sebastian Dodd, standing tall with the Intercontinental Title.

CUT TO: Flickering silhouettes of Beast and Dis, the revolver spinning between them.

Finally, cut to the event logo...)



(Cut to the ramp, where several pyros above the rampway begin to spin rapidly, creating pinwheels of flying red sparks. Bomblike red, black, and white detonations explode in front of the EmpireTron, culminating in a series of five small explosions in rapid succession ending with one massive one that reverberates through the arena. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol. Various signs are visible in the crowd: "Isaac Byrne blew up my house!", "Lindsay’s craving for a Daving!" with an arrow pointing down to a heavy set guy with a t-shirt that reads “DAVE”, "JASON BRINGS THE PAYNE!!!", "Eric is the real dragon!!", "EPW: DISfunction At It's Finest!", "MARX BROKE MY PROMO-BOT!", "FREE SMOOCHIE", "HEY TOM -- IM IN UR HTML, FIXIN UR CODE -- FROM UR PAL BOLICH", "Benji + Beast = Benji jerks the curtain", “Savoy lacks jiggy freshness!!”, "I got your golden, delicious Eggo Waffles right here", “CRUISE TOSSES SALAD AND FLIPS EGGOS!” and finally, "Something's Rotten in the State of Texas!".)

(Cut to a shot of the broadcast where we see the trio of Dave Thomas, sans hat, a smiling Mike Neely and Dean Matthews.)

DT: Welcome one and all to Houston, Texas and Empire Pro Wrestling’s Russian Roulette!!! Months of buildup has led to this night, where Beast will face off with the mysterious Dis for the EPW World Heavyweight Championship!!

DM: Dis has impressed on his way through the ranks, winning the tournament in impressive fashion but don’t discount the champ, who has routinely turned back everyone who has faced him.

DT: Of course we’ve also got a first for Empire Pro as Troy Douglas looks to shut up the murderer John Doe once and for all.

MN: That’s alleged murderer cornflake…..and it’s Isaac Byrne.

DT: We’ve also got the big tag team turmoil match to determine our Tag Team Champions and Sebastian Dodd faces his biggest challenge yet as he defends the Intercontinental Title against the returning Jonathan Marx.

DM: Marx is simply one of the finest technical wrestlers in the world today. Dodd will be lucky to get out of this one with his championship intact.

DT: We’ve also got the number one contender’s spot to decide as the erstwhile Shawn Hart, one Steve Savoy takes on Cross in an unforgiving steel cage with the winner to go on to face JA for the right to face our champion at the next pay-per-view.

MN: Savoy can’t be stopped, fellas. He’s just way way way to jiggy for Cross.

DT: Right now let’s get things underway and go up to the ring for our very first match!!!



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"Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin vs. Jason Payne

TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is for one fall……

(Cue up “Lose Yourself”)

TF: Introducing first, from the UNITED KINGDOM!!!!……ADAAAAMMMMM BEEEENNNNJAMIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!!

DT: Adam Benjamin’s seemed to have found a new focus since picking up this Biggs fellow.

MN: Big Daddy English is a humanitarian.

DM: Or maybe he’s just comfortable around his own kind.

MN: You take that back about Big Daddy English!

DM: Please.

DT: Benji and Biggs seem to have made it alright to ringside.

(Cue up “Dogs of War”)

TF: AND HIS OPPONENT……FROM PAYNEVILLE, KENTUCKY!!...JASSSSOOOOONNNN PAAAAAAYYYNNNNEEE!!!!!!

DT: And here comes Jason Payne.

MN: Who cares! Big Daddy English is in the ring!

DT: Payne’s making his way to the ring. He slides in and… Benjamin with the attack right as Payne enters. Stomps right to Payne’s back as he’s sliding in.

(SFX: Ding ding ding)

DM: It’s important for Benji to get the advantage early, so there’s less of a chance of him choking at the end.

MN: Hey, you show some respect for Big Daddy English!

DM: When pigs fly, or when you start showing respect for our World Champion, I will.

DT: Benjamin drags Payne to his feet, whips him to the ropes. Payne charges back and big clothesline from the former Intercontinental Champion. Payne to the canvas hard.

MN: Biggs should be up for manager of the year.

DM: Dude, the match is barely a minute old, and Biggs is a homeless guy.

MN: So?

DT: Benjamin with the boots to Payne’s chest, one, two, three, he’s relentless.

DM: I guess Benjamin’s got something to prove.

DT: Payne’s lying motionless on the canvas, Benjamin grabs him and picks him up… vertical suplex… he’s still got it locked in, back up, another suplex. Still rolling, he’s got him up, and front suplex! What impact. He covers…

…one…

…two…

…but Payne kicks out.

DM: Benji’s on fire early. I think he wants to get back to where JA, Cross and Savoy are going to be later on tonight.

DT: That he is. Benjamin gets up, and he’s putting the boots to Payne again.

MN: Kick him! Kick him good!

DT: Benji’s got Payne up again, whips him off the ropes and… a big Ron Simmons style spinebuster.

DM: Payne’s getting taken to the woodshed so far.

MN: Yeah, isn’t it great?

DT: Benjamin’s up, he drops back, bounces off the ropes… jumping knee drop! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…Payne kicks out.

DM: Payne’s not on his game here, and if he don’t get on it quick, he gonna be like a bug on a windy windshield.

DT: Benji’s got Payne up again, this time goes behind. German suplex! Bridge…

…one…

…two…

…Payne kicks out.

DM: Oh man, this could be a quick, embarrassing night for Payne.

MN: Yeah, and Adam Benjamin will be back on the way to the World Title.

DT: Benji picks up Payne again. He’s behind him, going for another German… no! Payne blocks it, goes behind Benji himself… BIG RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!

DM: The Dog of War is back in the match.

MN: It’s a fluke! Big Daddy English will retake control!

DT: I don’t know, he looks like his bell’s a bit rung there. Payne back up and follows in with a standing lariat! Benjamin down to the canvas.

DM: LARIATO~!

DT: Benjamin’s back up, but Payne’s waiting for him. Boot to the gut, double arm DDT. Cover…

…one…

…but Benjamin kicks out.

MN: Big Daddy English isn’t beaten that easily.

DT: Yes, but Payne also is just getting started methinks. He’s got Benji turned over and… camel clutch!

DM: Classic wear down hold. Good strategy by Payne. Slow the match down, wear out Benji and get some time to recover from the early beating he took.

DT: Benjamin’s grabbing for the ropes and… he’s got them. Payne’s broken the hold, but grabs Benjamin and… piledriver! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…th… no! Benjamin kicks out. Payne’s got Benji up, and he’s signaling to the crowd…

DM: Could be time for the Payne Killer…

DT: Kick to the gut, Payne going… no! Benji turned around quick and he just gave him a back body drop!

MN: Big Daddy English strikes again!

DT: Payne’s up, Benjamin greets him with a belly-to-belly suplex! He’s got Payne up again, he hit him with another belly-to-belly suplex!

MN: It’s a suplex clinic!

DT: Benjamin covers…

…one…

…two…

…thr… no! Payne kicks out!

MN: Slow count!

DT: Benji picks Payne up, kicks him in the gut…

MN: Shining Wizard time! Shining Wizard time!

DT: Benjamin’s going for the Sh… no! Payne catches his leg and follows up with a clothesline! Benjamin to the canvas!

MN: No!

DM: What, do you have money on Benji?

MN: No, I just don’t want to see Biggs go back to the homeless shelter.

DT: Payne picks Benji… he’s got him in a full nelson…

DM: One finisher, coming up…

DT: Payne’s got him up, and… PAYNE KILLER! PAYNE KILLER! Payne covers…

…one…

…two…

…three!!

(SFX: Ding ding ding)

Tony Fatora: Here’s your winner, the Dog of War… Jason Payne!

DT: Big win for Jason Payne here tonight in Houston!!

DM: Yeah, Benji's definitely no slouch so it's quite the feather in his cap.

DT: We'll be back right after this!!!!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

"My definition of hero is one of ordinary people doing the ordinary things at an extraordinary time." - Joseph Pfeifer, NY City Fire Dept
(Suddenly the lights go black, and the crowd begins to buzz. They are stunned to silence when the old Russian National Anthem queues up and the voice of a former leader of the Soviet Union, Joseph Stalin is heard. "You cannot make a revolution with silk gloves." The arena is suddenly lit with yellow and red lights from all directions as the anthem booms. Again, the voice of Stalin is heard... "Now, it begins.". Suddenly red smoke fills the entryway and after a few moments, two figures appear. One is a five and a half foot shapely red-head. She's dressed in a low-cut, black business suit and she's carrying a rather large clipboard. Wire-rim glasses are perched delicately on the end of her nose and she's sporting a scowl that would make even the toughest man do her bidding. The other is a six and a half foot man with a buzz cut of brown hair. The man is dressed in a red and yellow warm-up suit emblazoned with the Soviet hammer-and-sickle on the chest. He's carrying the old Russian flag and scowling at the crowd as well. But as the boos begin to reign down on him and his counterpart, a devilish grin appears. As they make their way to the ring, the grin grows ever larger and even more menacing. It is as if he's planning the destruction of each and every one of the people booing him at this moment. The pair reach the ring and the woman climbs up and parts the rope for the man. After the two are in the ring, the woman is given a microphone which she places to her lips.)

NATASHA: (Russian accent) "Many of you may not know this man ... and that is only due to your own stupidity and lack of knowledge about the greats of this sport. He is a man who has been scorned, ridiculed, HATED and practically run out of this country ... TWICE! He is a man that has won world titles, both here, AND in our homeland. He is a man, that has spent his days perfecting his craft, honing his skills in preparation for a return to the ring. The last time you saw him, he was FORCED into the ring by a greedy, malicious wrestling organization who PROMISED him that if he ALLOWED himself to be beaten, he would be given a permanent spot on their roster."

"Instead ... once he laid down ... one he humiliated himself, this organization sent him packing, back to Russia, back to SIBERIA because of his failure to infiltrate this Yankee vermin wrestling organization. But now ... now, he has returned. Bent on vengeance, driven by hate for not only you people in this building, not ONLY Texans (this draws a cheer from the crowd but causes Natasha to scowl even more), not ONLY AMERICANS (bigger cheer), but each and EVERY person in the WORLD who aligns WITH them. Vladamir is NOT a terrorist. MISTER Vlachinko is a RUSSIAN ... and he DEMANDS your respect."

(The crowd begins to BOO heavily as Vlachinko waves the Russian flag around, then exchanges it for the microphone.)

VLACHINKO: (Russian accent) "Greetings AMERICAN SCUM! (Boos) Yes ... YESSSSS... BOO me, YELL UNTIL YOUR THROAT ACHES! (Vlachinko pauses and let's the crowd give him a little) What you moronic sub humans fail to realize is that the more you BOO, the more it empowers me."

"And I know WHY you boo. Because you Americans always want to SILENCE those you disagree with. Freedom of SPEECH in America? HA! You've long since forgotten the FIRST Amendment to your Constitution. If someone VOICES their opinion ... they are QUICKLY silenced, or ridiculed so harshly that they must leave the country in fear of their lives! This is why I was sent back to Russia the first time. I was a WORLD Champion ... the organization I wrestled for, rather than attempting to sign talent that could actually DEFEAT me, they simply folded, and reorganized, this time, NOT offering yours truly a contract. So without a WORK visa, I was sent back to Russia."

"Then I was invited BACK by another organization holding an event in Europe. They wanted me to face an old enemy ... LINDSAY TROY. They PROMISED that if I came in, made Troy look GOOD, and took the fall ... I would be offered a contract and a work visa. But what happened after I did MY PART? I'm put back on a plane to Russia by TWO thugs what can't even SPELL Russia."

"But now ... NOW Empire Pro has seen the light. THEY have TRIED the pretenders, but they realize there is only one, TRUE Russian ASSASSIN, and his name ... is Vladamir Vlachinko. And what better place to come back, than Russian Roulette. So I have accepted their invitation for TWO reasons ... the first, is to re-establish myself as THE top wrestler in the business. To SHOW you American VERMIN that you do NOT hold the market on top professional wrestlers."

"And the second is Lindsay Troy. Troy, you ..."

HEARTBREAKER

Led Zeppelin

(Jimmy Page's wizardry on the guitar strings cued up, then John Bonham and John Paul Jones followed suit. EPW's faithful, who last week had a hard time deciding whether to cheer or boo the subject of Vlachinko's rantings, rose to their feet with cheers of rejoicement. After all, if you had the option to boo a Commie or boo a Queen, which would you pick?

That's what I thought.

Robert Plant said, "Hey fellas have you heard the news? Y'know Annie's back in town..." and from behind the curtains stepped Lindsay Troy. She did not look happy. At all. Not even one iota.

And Vlachinko knew it, evidenced by his sneer. So did Natasha, as she seductively rapped her fingers along the handle of the flag.

Troy paced, microphone gripped tightly in her hand. She glared at Natasha's fingers, then locked eyes with Vladamir. If looks could kill, the two Russians and a quarter of the audience might have been turned to vapor courtesy of hazel-eyed laser beams.

Lindsay stopped at dead-center stage and the music abruptly cut out. The audience buzzed loudly, the tension mounting, and the microphone in her hand was raised.)

TROY: "Isn't that JUST like a Ruskie ... bringing propaganda into a mic spot."

(Cheers! Natasha put her hand on her hip and shook her head disapprovingly. Vlachinko stood, unwavering.)

TROY: "Let's just get one thing perfectly straight right off the bat. In America, people voice their opinions. But in Soviet Russia, OPINIONS VOICE YOU!"

(Laughter from the audience, Seething Russians in the ring.)

TROY: "The last time I actually heard you speak Vladdy, you were pissing and moaning about how I disrupted your nice, quiet life in the FROZEN TUNDRA of NORTH BUMF(BLEEP!)K SIBERIA where you were nice and comfortable being a Russian Army *****. The last time I actually SAW you, I had dropped you on your fu(BLEEEP!)king head and sent you packing BACK to the pathetic existence you once knew."

"There was no work visa ... you didn't even want to come back in the first place. But I knew you too well, Vlachinko. The temptation to SHUT ME UP was too great an opportunity to pass up. That's why I proposed the match at GXW's Battleground Britain. I wanted to get my hands on you one last time, to finish what was started ... to END the VENDETTA, to FINISH what was started and that's EXACTLY what I did."

"But now you've come back to irritate me one last time, and for what? FOR WHAT?! For your petty revenge? So that red-headed SLUT (Troy points at Natasha) can try and crack me upside the head with that loaded clipboard of hers? So you can try and justify your shrinking MANHOOD..."

VLAD: "Whoa ... whoa ... WHOA! Just hold on ONE minute there MISS, if indeed you are a MISS, Troy. It may sooth your fragile ego to come an interrupt my welcome back speech, but let's be HONEST here. YOU know that I am your superior ... in EVERY way. YOU KNOW that not only didn't you get an HONEST win over me in Britian, but I outwrestled you up until the very end!"

"You speak of spewing propaganda ... yet I have never heard such outlandish citations in ALL my years. But I tell you what I do know MISS Troy. I know that you are just a scared little girl, a typical female who can not survive without a MAN to tell her what to do. You had that in the USCW.

(Troy, who had been shaking her head in disbelief, immediately perked up.)

VLAD: "Oh yes, you and your "Angel" were quite formidable foes, but he's gone away. Hasn't he, Troy? Heh ... yes, he's dumped you down the drain just like every other man you've tried to wrap your legs around!"

TROY: "BAST--!"

(The rest of the curse was cut off by a thud from Troy's mic. The feedback echoed over the arena speakers as she bolted to the ring. Vlachinko pushed Natasha at Troy giving him enough time to escape. Troy, now alone in the ring with Natasha, RIPPED the Russian flag from Natasha's grasp, and began to swing wildly like Jose Canseco on 'roids. The Russian beauty dove out of the way as the pointed metal end made a beeline for her temple, and Vlachinko pulled her out of the ring by her ankles.

Troy paced the ring like a caged animal, then broke the flagpole over her knee and tossed the two halves at Vlachinko and Natasha. The pair ducked in the knick of time, and Vlachinko held Natasha close. He swiped another mic from a production assistant as they made their way up the ramp.)

VLAD: "Not now my fair lady, not now. No ma'am, you will deal with the Russian Assasin when you LEAST expect it."

(The two disappeared behind the curtain, leaving Troy in the ring, screaming in their wake.)

TROY: "You don't have the BALLS to talk about Him when I'm in your face, Vlachinko! You've NEVER had the balls!"

(Troy fumes for a moment more, then discards the mic in anger and storms backstage.)



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DT: Well, I don’t know what to even make of that fellas.

MN: Russians – great.

DM: All I know is, Eric Davis vs. Karl Brown is up next.

DT: Well, this match should be interesting.

DM: Yeah, if just for Davis’ intro alone.

DT: Yeah, it’s a pretty impressive introduction, but I was talking more about the technical prowess here. Karl Brown is among the best technical wrestlers in the world, and he proved it in that Natural Selection tournament…

MN: Oh please, that was like, what eight years ago? Get over it already.

DM: Hey Neels, how about Dodd’s Intercontinental Title win?

MN: It was fantastic! Timeless! Ageless!

DM: Sigh…

DT: Well, anyway, Brown’s got the goods, and Davis, although a little on the cocky side, is pretty proficient.

DM: A little on the cocky side? That’s like saying Big Macs are just a little tasty. Davis is plain arrogant, just like a Big Mac is a flavor explosion!

MN: Jeez Dean, why the hell do you get all the endorsement deals?

DM: Because I’m… sexified!

MN: Brother…



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Loser May No Longer Call Himself 'The Dragon'
Karl 'The Dragon' Brown vs. Eric 'The Dragon' Davis

DT: Oh, there go the arena lights…

The lights in the arena dim to blackness. Several lighters flicker on in the crowd as a low buzz is heard through the audio equipment. On the video screen, a computer generated animation of the Earth as seen from space cues up. The globe rotates amidst the stars as the low vocals of "O Fortuna" cue up. The camera slowly zooms in towards the globe with increasingly sharp resolution. Suddenly, a giant hand appears, grasping the globe. The muscles in the hand tense up as "O Fortuna" fades out and "Sandblasted Skin (Reprise)" blares into the arena. The Earth shatters and the broken pieces fall between the fingers of the hand. The sound of marching in time with the music soon gives way to a close up of boots on concrete on the Empiretron. A deep voice bursts forth...)

Voice: BOW.... BEFORE YOUR MASTER.

(The lights come up and the first legion comes out of the back, men wearing Davis embroidered track suits, followed by a gaggle of attractive and busty women wearing Davis jogging suits themselves. As the horde of Davis’ followers stops at their assigned places, the Empiretron now stops on a recreation of Michaelangelo’s Creation of Adam, only with Eric Davis in Adam’s position. The spotlight shines on the ring as Davis descends from the ceiling via carefully engineered cables. As Davis lands in the ring, his servants enter and unhook him, as pyrotechnics blast from each ring corner.)

MN: That was even better the second time I saw it.

DM: I thought it seemed longer. Did he add more servants marching down? Dave? Dave?

MN: I think he’s still looking at the chicks with big knockers.

DM: DAVE! (Snaps fingers in front of Dave Thomas’ face.)

DT: Oh, my, well, yes that was a good match between the Road Warriors and the Rock ‘n Roll Express. We’ll be right back on Saturday Night Main Event, sponsored by Surge…

DM: Thomas! Snap out of it! Get those titties out your mind!

DT: What? Who, oh, I’m sorry for that, now, let’s get back to the boobies in the ring.

DM: Christ, you act like you’ve never seen breasts before…

DT: I have, I have, one time at…

DM: You know what, nevermind, we pay Neels to make an ass out of himself.

MN: Hey!

(Cue up “Rainmaker”)

DT: And here comes Karl Brown. He’s looking determined, looking to get some revenge and to take that Dragon moniker without any doubt.

MN: Well, his entrance sucks. We want more Davis! More breasts!

DM: Please, do you want to send Thomas into convulsions?

DT: Hey! Anyway, Brown’s circling the ring, he’s staring a hole right through Davis.

DM: Well, I would too if the guy jumped me the last time we was on the tee-vee.

MN: He deserved it. Stealing Davis’ nickname and all.

DM: Dude, Brown was here first.

MN: Well, he knew Davis was going to show up sooner or later. He should have chosen a more fitting nickname like Karl “The Limey” Brown or Karl “The Homo…

DT: FAMILY SHOW!

MN: …Sapiens” Brown.

DM: Oh Neels, you’re such a lovable idiot.

DT: Brown enters the ring…

(SFX: Ding ding ding)

DT: They’re circling each other in the ring, Brown goes in for the collar and elbow… no! Davis just sidestepped him! Brown goes chest-first into the turnbuckles. And now Davis is laughing at him!

MN: Haha, I’m laughing at him too. Dummy.

DT: Brown stumbles back, shakes the cobwebs out, turns back around. Now Davis wants the collar and elbow tie up. Brown is having none of it, and now Davis looks offended.

MN: I would too if I just got snubbed like that. Bad sportsmanship on Brown’s part.

DM: Hey, remember when Charlie Brown kept trying to kick that football and Lucy kept pulling it away?

MN: Yeah, I loved that.

DM: Well, Karl Brown just smartened up in ways that other Brown never did.

MN: Oh shut up…

DT: And Davis just slapped the taste right out of Brown’s mouth!

DM: Talk about disrespect.

DT: Brown’s livid! He’s charging after Davis, but Davis counters it with a Fujiwara armbar!

MN: That’s what the limey gets for letting his anger get the best of him.

DM: Yeah, he can’t go on emotion if he wants to win this match.

DT: Brown in the ropes, but Davis is reluctant to release the hold. Ref gives one, two, Davis breaks. He stomps on that right shoulder of Brown now.

DM: Psychology~!

DT: Indeed Dean, Davis stomping away at that shoulder… Brown rolls out of the ring.

MN: Coward.

DM: Hey Neels, is that Adam Benjamin?

MN: Big Daddy English? Where!?!

(Dean slaps Neels upside his head.)

MN: Ouch! You bastard!

DM: Maybe that will teach you to stop being stupid.

DT: Brown rubs his shoulder a bit and he’s back in the ring. Collar and elbow tie up, this time, Davis bites, and now Davis has him in the hammerlock. Brown’s trying to fight out of it, elbow, misses the mark. Another one, barely grazed Davis’ eye. Davis now has arm up and CLOCKS Brown right in the face from behind. Davis up and… back body drop on that right shoulder, all while keeping the hammerlock in!

MN: The Real Dragon shows ‘em how it’s done!

DT: Davis taking his sweet time, covers…

…one…

…but Brown kicks out. Davis yells at the ref.

MN: It was a slow count.

DM: Quiet Neels.

DT: Davis back up, Brown up on all fours… and Davis puts the boot to his shoulder again.

DM: Davis is relentless. I guess he really, really, re-he-heealy likes his nick.

DT: I would say so. Davis down to the canvas, side armbar on Brown now.

MN: Rip his arm out! Woo!

DM: I think he’s doing just that. In other news, I hate you, Neels.

MN: Aww, thanks.

DT: Davis breaks the hold, Brown rolls over… Davis with another stomp on that shoulder. He scoops Brown up… shoulderbreaker! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…but Brown kicks out. Davis once again yells at the ref

MN: Well, I would too if I was in there with a crooked referee.

DM: Neels, did it ever occur to you that maybe Davis is, ya know, egotistical?

MN: No.

DT: Not surprising. Anyway, Davis back up, he picks Brown to his feet, and Davis is just taking his grand old time again.

DM: I wouldn’t do that with Karl Brown. He isn’t the number one contender to Doddler’s title for nothing.

MN: I would. C’mon, Brown’s overmatched. Davis can lighten up a bit.

DT: Well, we shall see. Davis, mocking Brown, now off the ropes and… Brown counters with a drop toehold!

DM: Arrogance gets you nowhere.

MN: Lucky shot.

DT: Davis up, Brown… kick to the gut and snap suplex! Brown down to the canvas, applies the Dragon sleeper!

MN: Infringement! Infringement!

DM: Yeah, I’m sure Ultimo Dragon really cares.

MN: No you dolt, I mean of Eric Davis!

DM: Sigh.

DT: Davis is getting up, Brown’s still got the hold locked in though. Davis powers out of the hold…

MN: See? Bask in Davis’ greatness…

DT: Davis turns around and… no hold enziguiri from Brown! Davis goes down to the canvas! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…but Davis kicks out.

DM: Great aerial move by Karl Brown there.

DT: Brown’s up, he’s got Davis by the rear, and… big German suplex! Release too…

DM: Gets more pure impact on the move there.

DT: Davis has to be feeling that. Brown up, he grabs Davis, and Davis shoves Brown back a few steps! Brown steps in, Davis whips him off the ropes and… oh my! Karl Brown with the flying forearm!

DM: Brown is on fire!

MN: I hope you mean literally, just so I can say that I wouldn’t urinate on him if he were on fire.

DM: Lame, Neels. Lame.

DT: Brown up, he’s got Davis… T-bone suplex! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…but Davis kicks out.

DM: Karl Brown’s ba-zingin’ and ba-blammin’!

MN: You are a weirdo, Dean.

DT: That notwithstanding, Brown’s got Davis up. We may see the Dragon’s Bite here. Dragon sleeper position, and… no! Davis escapes from the hold and… stunner drop! Davis escapes that predicament.

MN: See, now the Real Dragon is going to take control.

DT: Brown up, Davis meets him with a clothesline. Davis is now laughing at Brown.

DM: Not a smart move.

MN: It is when you’re the best Dragon ever.

DT: Davis grabs Brown, picks him up… hurricanrana into a pin…

…one…

…two…

…Brown kicks out. Davis again yells at the ref.

DM: If he spent as much time following up on Brown as he did yelling at the refs or mocking him, Davis would have won already.

DT: Davis grabs Brown and whips him into the corner. Davis jaw-jacking, now puts Brown on the top rope. Davis climbing… Brown just nailed him with a right! Another right! A left! Davis is stalled on the second rope!

MN: Disqualify him! Closed fist!

DT: Brown about ready to make his… SUNSET FLIP INTO A POWERBOMB OFF THE TOP ROPE!

DM: Dizzamn!

DT: Karl Brown covers…

…one…

…two…

…three!

(SFX: Ding ding ding)

Tony Fatora: Here is your winner, and the rightful holder of the Dragon nickname… KARL “THE DRAGON” BROWN!

DT: Karl Brown has done it! He’s defeated Eric Davis and claimed the Dragon nick all for himself.

MN: Get some smelling salts! Or at least some of those large-breasted ladies for Davis. He needs assistance!

DM: He’s stirring. I don’t think he’s hurt at all, aside from his ego.

DT: Yeah, you’re telling me. He’s throwing a temper tantrum fit for a three year old in there. He can’t believe he lost.

MN: Well, I wouldn’t either if I lost to a dirty cheater.

DM: Oh shove it Neels.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

DT: We’re gonna take a break now to give the ring crew a chance to set things up for the Inferno Match…..
(A graphic appears showing John Doe, AKA Isaac Byrne and Troy Douglas side by side with an “Inferno Match” graphic underneath)

DT: …between John Doe and Troy Douglas!! We’ll be right back!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(A backstage hallway near the gorilla position. Cross is leaning back against the wall to keep the pressure off his knee. Lindsay Troy is pacing in front of him, her half of the Tag-Team Championship strapped around her waist, livid about the return of Vladamir Vlachinko.)

Troy: *******it Xandor, I thought he was gone after Battleground Britain. I thought I had him put away for good.

(She looks visibly upset.)

Cross: Hey, Lindz, try to calm down.

(Cross straightens up and turns Troy around to face him.)

If he's back to cause you some trouble, it's not like you haven't taken him down before. Plus, you have back up around here to cover you.

Troy: No, Xandor…you don’t understand. This time, it’s different.

(She runs her fingers through her hair, pulling the loose ends out of her eyes.)

You don’t know what his presence here tonight means. Here, at this pay-per-view. You don’t know our history. He’s back because of what me and D…

(Troy halts, catching herself. The abrupt stoppage of a spill of “too much information” causes Cross to raise an eyebrow. She sighs.)

I can’t ask anyone to step in for me. You know that.

(Cross looks a little confused yet his tone of voice is confident.)

Cross: No one is saying anything about stepping in for you, Lindsay. I just mean that if that backward country's poor excuse for an athlete decides to ambush you or even touch you, I, for one, am not going to stand and watch him hurt you.

Troy (under her breath): I’m glad someone’s willing to do that.

(Cross puts both of his hands on Troy's shoulders and looks her straight in the eye.)

Cross: We may not always get along or see eye to eye on things, but you know that I would go through hell and back with you...no matter what...

(A hint of a smile crosses her lips, and Troy puts her hands on Cross’s shoulders as well.)

Troy: You know I’d do the same for you. I’m just nervous about tonight, is all. I can’t help but blow things out of proportion, especially when it comes to the Russians. And your knee being the way it is isn’t setting my mind at ease any either.

(Cross looks down at his knee.)

Cross: They way Scourge went to town on it like a pincushion with cortisone, I'll be fine. I think it hurt more when I was getting the shots then when I first hurt it.

Troy: Hey, don’t bull**** a bull****ter. It hurts. You don’t need to put up a front around me.

Voice: Or around anyone else, for that matter.

(From the right, JA walks into the picture. Troy regards him with steely resolve. Cross stands tall, relaxed yet ready in case of trouble.)

JA: Lady and gentleman.

Troy: Well, color me shocked.

Cross: Lindsay… (He turns towards JA with a twinge of annoyance.) …what’s up.

(Troy steps between JA and Cross.)

JA: I was just coming to let you know that I have your back. With two Dises lurking around and everything.

Troy (her voice dripping with sarcasm): Oh, so now you’re in the business of helping people? I must have missed the memo somewhere along the line. Xandor doesn’t need anyone else’s help, least of all Mister Opportunistic.

JA: Well, seeing that he got away from Xandor and you last week, and really, that’s not as much either of your faults as much as these Dis characters seem to be shifty bastards. I think he could use all the help he could get.

Troy: Why you, JA? Why now? You’re only in it for yourself, just like you’ve always been. Old dog, no new tricks…

JA: Alright, maybe I am, maybe I’m not, but the fact is, I don’t think I could live with myself if, as a competitor, my road to the top had to be marked with an asterisk. And I also don’t want to see anyone get chopped out from underneath them.

Cross (folding his arms over his chest and popping an eyebrow): That's very noble of you. Since when did you want to line up for sainthood?

Troy: If you think his extra set of hands won’t hurt, then you’ve got more faith in him than I do…

JA: Trust me, any extra hands won’t hurt.

Troy: I’ll believe it when I see it.

JA: Well, you will see…

(Right there, a boomerang flies on screen and hits Cross right in the head. JA turns around to see Steve Savoy charging at him with a tube of AquaFresh toothpaste in his hand. He lands a forearm to JA’s head then pounces on the falling Anglo Luchador. He opens the tube of toothpaste and squeezes it into JA’s eye holes on his mask. Finally, Troy, who was helping Cross up jumps over and tackles Savoy.)

Savoy: Ahh… get off me, manhands!

(Just then, the roving band of referees and security comes in to break the affair up.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(We cut to the arena where Isaac Byrne stands in the ring with little fanfare. The ringside crew is setting up the sides of the ring with gasoline and propane tanks as the crew is testing everything to make sure it is correct.)

MN: It’s the Zero! Isaac Byrne!

DT: I really am starting to hate this man, did you hear why he even changed his name.

DM: No, but whatever it is it is unimportant.

DT: He killed eight people in a bombing! Yet they still have the nerve to let him wrestle!?!

MN: It’s all a bunch of bull... I bet he made it up.

DT: Whatever…

DM: Yeah, give the boy some credit he is stepping into one of the most notorious matches in the world. Hell, you literally have to BURN your opponent alive to win.

MN: Talk about a LACK OF BRAINS.

BYRNE: I’d like to start off by saying to all Texans out there…

BYRNE: THE STARS AT NIGHT ARE BIG AND BRIGHT…

CROWD: *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP* DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!!!

BYRNE: Yes, well, there are many reasons why I love Texas, the steak is good, and I am out of the jurisdiction of the Chicago Police Department. Which I’d like to put out there right now.

Five years ago I was accused of bombing Navy Pier, I’d like to say, I DIDN’T do it. I am innocent of that crime, yet people want to accuse me of that devastation. People like Troy Douglas… (crowd cheers loud).

Why do you support that man? What has he done for any of you? IF it was his choice this match would not be happening, he is AFRAID of it, he fears me people. And he has no respect for you unlike me. I have gone above and beyond for each one of you, and I demand your respect. As for Troy Douglas his time is yet to fall.

Troy, my father tolled me a story once, and I want to tell it to you.

“There was a frog sitting by a pond, a scorpion came along looked at the frog and said.”

“If we cooperate, I can ride on your back as so we can both get to the other end of the pond.”

“The frog looked at the scorpion and said”

“You’ll sting me on my back, I can’t trust you, you’re a scorpion.”

“The scorpion tells the frog”

“I promise not to sting you”

“The frog complies allowing the scorpion to ride on his back across the pond. Midway across the scorpion stings the frog puncturing it poisoning it as the frog loses momentum and looks up at the scorpion.”

“He says”

“Why….why would you do that, now we are both going to die.”

“The scorpion looks down before submerging.”

“I can’t help it, I’m a scorpion….it’s in my nature……”

(Isaac rolls out the ring as we go to a commercial break.)

 

[DBrunkGXW]

DT: Well ladies and gentlemen, we're approaching one of the most anticipated matches on tonight's card! Yes that's right, I'm talking about the ever-violent Inferno match!
DM: That's right Dave, and this one is going to be even more exciting than usual, as it pits TEACHER against STUDENT!

MN: More like "Sanity" against "INSANITY".

DT: Some have speculated that Mr. Doe isn't really in the best of mental conditions right now, but then again, you'd HAVE to be a little absent minded to come up with THIS type of match.

DM: It's sure to be brutal Dave. And I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't see a single arm drag takedown, fireman's carry, or technical move of any sort.

MN: Who needs mechanics when you can burn the living crap out of your opponent instead?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Inferno Match
Troy Douglas vs John Doe/Isaac Byrne

(Cue up "Hypocritical" by Methods of Mayhem". )

MN: And here comes the psychopath himself....

DT: John Doe making his way down to ringside, and man does he look ready to fight.

DM: Of course he is Dave... the man's been waiting for this moment! What'd you expect him to do, no show?

MN: Heh, I wouldn't be surprised if Douglas didn't come out...

DT: Well we're about to find out Mike!

(Cue up "Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin.)

DT: And there he is! Douglas making his way down to the ring amidst the cheers of this crowd.

DM: You know, some people say Douglas' strength is the technical matches, but if you look at his history he's a former GXW/GWE Xtreme Champion. He obviously knows the territory.

DT: Good point Dean, he's defin....

DM: I know it's a good point, I don't need you to tell me Thomas.

MN: OOOOHHHH BURNT. Hahaha....

DT: And look at those eyes! Douglas and Doe have locked up in a stare down... look at the hatred these two have for each other!

MN: Only true masters of the stare down can pull it off from OPPOSING corners. So where's the fire.... somebody hit the fire!

DT: Folks I've been advised to inform you at home that this could be a particularly violent match and that viewer discretion is advised. As you can see now, those large steel pipes surrounding the ring are being attended to...

MN: FIIIIRREEEE....

DM: It's about to get VERY hot in here, gentlemen.

(SFX: WHOOOSH)

DT: OH MY! Look at those flames!! They must be at least 10 feet high! Folks I'm serious when I say this, I think the temperature just rose about 10 degrees from where we're sitting!

MN: Aww man is it going to be this freakin' hot ALL match? I shouldn't have worn a sweatshirt...

DM: Listen to these fans! They are PUMPED for this bout!!

(SFX: DING DING DING)

DT: And there's the bell! BOTH MEN RUSH AT EACH OTHER WITH A FLURRY OF PUNCHES!!!

DM: Did I call it or what?

MN: Ouch, this is brutal! Look at them laying into each other!

DT: Douglas getting the upper hand now!!! Tosses Doe to the ropes.... flying forearm to the face!! Doe's down, Douglas absolutely POUNDING his face in!

DM: That's gonna leave a mark...

MN: I have never seen Douglas come out with such tenacity!!

DT: He's certainly a man on a mission right now... look at him go! Rights and lefts! Wait... Doe flips him over!

MN: Oh lord, there he goes...

DT: Doe absolutely flipping OUT! He's punching even harder than Douglas was it seems! At this rate these two will be out of steam before the 5 minute mark!

MN: Yeah but who needs steam when we've got... FIIIIIIIREEEEE!??!?

DT: Douglas pushing Doe off of him now, both men are up to their feet. Doe comes running at Douglas, Troy ducks!!

DM: Comes under the arm... and a NICE german suplex on Doe!

MN: And you thought we weren't going to see any moves Dean...

DM: Well let's consider ourselves lucky.

DT: Doe bounces off the canvas, comes running back at Douglas. Douglas ducks the clothesline, runs for the ropes... and Doe changes direction to follow!

DM: OH MY GOD!

MN: DOE JUST CLOTHESLINED DOUGLAS OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! INTO THE FIRE!!!!!

(SFX: FANS FREAK OUT)

DT: Oh man, we were warned that this match was going to get violent, but so soon??? Douglas' could have gotten burned there, but luckily I think he went through the fire at such a high rate of speed nothing caught....

MN: Oh darn...

DM: But look at him on the arena floor, he's obviously phased by it. He's gotta shake off the cobwebs and get right back in this thing...

DT: OH MY!!! DOE COMES FLYING OUT OF THE RING.... THROUGH THE FIRE!!!! PLANCHA ON DOUGLAS!!! MY GOD!!!

MN: Now that's dedication!

DM: I'll give it to him, he's a little loose upstairs.

(FANS: HOLY ****! HOLY ****!)

DT: Both men trying to get to their feet now... slowly I might add.

DM: I love how the referee is still in the ring... there's no way he's gettin out, unless he wants to come flying out like Doe.

DT: Doe goes to throw a punch, blocked by Douglas. Douglas fires back! Hits one, then another! Whips Doe into the security barrier!!! Comes charging at him... back body drop by Doe! Douglas goes flying into the first row of fans!

MN: And look, he spilled that poor man's beer! That's so freakin' rude...

DT: What's Doe doing? He's coming over to our booth for some reason... grabbing a chair now! I should have known we'd see this from Doe.

MN: DAVE... IT'S AN INFERNO MATCH. I think a chair is the LEAST of Douglas' problems right now.

DT: Yes, but apparently Doe has bigger plans for this chair! He's pulling something out of a bag here at the timekeeper's table... what is that??

MN: Can somebody say LIGHTER FLUID?!?! WHOOO!!!

DM: And the fun begins...

DT: Doe absolutely COATING that chair with lighter fluid... walking it over to the flames.... oh my!!!

(FANS POP!)

DT: John Doe has just set this chair on fire, and his eyes are fixed on Troy Douglas!

MN: Douglas better be prepared to duck once he gets his ass over that barrier.

DT: And look at Doe smiling! He's sick I tell you, SICK! Douglas slowly coming back over the barrier... Doe swings the flaming chair! Douglas evades!!! KICK TO THE STOMACH.... OH MY!!! DDT ON THE FLAMING CHAIR!!! DDT!!!! DDT!!!!

MN: And Doe's doing his best Michael Jackson impression!!! HIS HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!

DT: Doe batting at his hair now to put out the flames... writhing in pain on the floor! Douglas rubbing the back of his arm where it made contact with that fire....

MN: What a puss... Doe's HAIR caught fire! Man, he's hardcore.

DT: Our staff putting out that flaming chair with some fire extinguishers...

(SFX: CROWD BOOS.)

DT: I don't think these fans realize just how dangerous this match really is...

DM: I'm sure they DO Dave, that's probably why they're pissed they put it out.

MN: Douglas pushing our staff back now!! He's wrestling that fire extinguisher off of one of the attendants!

DT: And he sprays it in the eyes of the recovering Doe!! Bashing him in the face now with the base of that extinguisher!! OH MY!!! Look at that!!! Doe's forehead is BUSTED open!

DM: Brutal, just brutal! Doesn't look like Douglas is planning on stopping any time soon, either!

(SFX: FANS POP!)

DT: I want to apologize to our younger fans who are viewing this... this is absolutely sick...

MN: Oh man, I don't think Empire's seen a match like this in a WHILE!

DT: Douglas hits Doe one last time and backs off... now challenging Doe to get to his feet! Look at him... he's screaming at the top of his lungs! Douglas is really amped!

DM: He's gotta be... he's dealing with a psychopath in Doe, here!

DT: Douglas still holding that fire extinguisher, allowing Doe up to his feet. The two lock eyes... Doe's grinning... he spits on Douglas!! Oh my god, I think.... I think he just spit out a tooth!!!

MN: Oh man, that's disgusting...

DT: YES, John Doe just spit his TOOTH at Troy Douglas! Douglas takes a hand off the extinguisher to wipe his face... gives Doe just enough time to charge at him! Takes him down with a spear!! And Doe with another flurry of punches!!

MN: These guys HATE each other... I don't think we could have asked for a better match! The people at home are gettin' their money's worth!

DT: Doe continuing to slam his fists into Douglas' face! Lifts him to his feet, whips him into ring barrier! Grabs him once more... another whip... this time Douglas goes flying into the fire!!! OH MY!!! And I think part of Douglas' tights are still on fire!!! My god!!

DM: STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!

MN: Man, you stole my line Dean...

DM: Wit doesn't wait, my friend.

DT: Troy Douglas now patting out that fire on his tights... this place is going crazy!

(SFX: CROWD CHANTS: "THEY'RE HARDCORE, THEY'RE HARDCORE")

DT: Doe comes charging in... a surprised Douglas notices at the last second... Belly to belly!!! Doe goes flying to the arena floor! Both competitors on their backs now!

DM: I'm surprised these guys can still find time to work some actual moves into this one... I gotta' give them credit.

DT: Douglas shaking his head... looks a little lost right now. Gets to his feet... Douglas now walking over to the timekeepers table. Looking for something to use, probably...

DM: Doesn't look like he's having much luck. I think the timekeeper's tried his best to hide his goods now that he's been hit up once for a chair already.

DT: Still searching for something, and he finds the ring bell! Holds it up for the fans to see!!! Douglas nodding to the fans now... knocks on it a few times with the hammer...

(SFX: DING DING DING CROWD POPS!)

DT: Douglas turns around, OH MY!!! HE JUST GOT LAID OUT WITH A CHAIRSHOT FROM DOE!!! Doe apparently grabbed that chair from before and just cracked Douglas over the head with it!

MN: Ouch... Douglas on one knee now... AND DOE WINDS UP FOR THE SIDEARM

(SFX: CRAAAACK!!!!)

MN: .... OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! THAT WAS THE SICKEST CHAIR SHOT I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!

DM: I can't believe he's not knocked out... holy crap...

DT: Folks, we know here in the business know that sometimes things can go wrong, but I don't think that was supposed to happen.... Doe just cracked Douglas in the FACE with this chair... and yes.... I think his nose is broken....

MN: Oh yeah, it's definitely broke... look at the blood spewing out of those nostrils.... oh man... that's gruesome.

DT: I've never seen anything like this... the ring attendant checks the starry-eyed Douglas... he's nodding his head that he's alright. But oh my folks, the blood is just pouring out of Douglas' nose right now. You can clearly see that he has broken it....

DM: These things happen Dave...

DT: And Douglas pushes the ring attendant out of the way! He's up on his feet again!!! He's challenging Doe again!! I can't believe this... these two are insane!

DM: I know, I would have at least thought Douglas had some sense, but obviously tonight he's thrown it all out the window.

DT: Doe goes for another chairshot.... BLOCKED BY DOUGLAS!!! Troy wrestles the chair away... slams it into Doe's gut!!! Pushes it up into his throat.... Slams his head down!!! And John Doe just took the edge of that chair straight to the throat!

MN: I guess that would be why he's clutching his throat and gasping for air!

DM: You're so observant Mike.

DT: Douglas setting the chair up on the floor... grabs Doe... OH MY! DIAMOND CUTTER ONTO THE CHAIR! And that's got to put Doe in a world of pain! Right now Douglas has focused on Doe's throat... he's taking the wind right out of him!

DM: It's a good strategy... how's Doe supposed to compete when he can't even breathe?

DT: Douglas up.... and he's shouting again! Man I have never seen him this pumped up before... he screams out to the fans... blood is still pouring out that nose! The fans are responding though!

(SFX: Crowd POP!)

DT: Douglas breathing heavily, grabs Doe and lifts him to his feet. Applies a dragon sleeper from behind!!! And the ref is still in the ring! He can't get outside to check on Doe! He asks a ring attendant to turn off the gas for the fire... ok, he's got it off!

MN: Well there goes our fire! Crap!

DT: The ref sliding out to the floor now... checks Doe's arm!

(Doe's arm drops once....)

(Doe's arm drops twice....)

DT: Checking it for a final time.... this could be it!

(Doe starts to drop his arm, but keeps it in the air!)

DT: And Doe's still alive! He starts to position himself... brings himself around. Throws an elbow into Douglas' gut! And another! Breaks free... and there's a clothesline! My god, both these men have to be so winded right now! They've given it their all up until this point...

MN: Hey, what in the hell is Doe doing?

DM: I think he's going over to where the ring attendant was at...

DT: Oh my... no... he can't be... DOE IS GOING FOR THAT VALVE.... DOUGLAS IS LAYING RIGHT NEXT TO THE FIRE PIPE!!! HE CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!

MN: OH BUT HE IS!!!

DT: DOE HITS THE VALVE.... THE FLAMES IGNITE!!! DOUGLAS ROLLS OUT THE WAY!!! OH MY, HE GOT SO LUCKY THERE FOLKS!

(SFX: CROWD "OOOOOHHHH")

DM: You got that right, he just narrowly evaded that surge of flames that came out of that pipe!

MN: But look at it this way fellas, we got our fire back!!! Hey you guys got some marshmallows...

DT: How can you think about food at a time like this, Mike??? Doe almost crispy fried Troy Douglas!

MN: I dunno man... but this is freakin' great! It's like total carnage!!! People are being set on fire, Douglas has a broken nose, Doe's lost a tooth, both these guys are bleeding profusely... this is just PERFECT!

DT: And Douglas is charging at Doe again... they're exchanging punches once more! These men are giving it their all!!! RIGHT by Doe! LEFT by Douglas! RIGHT by Doe! RIGHT by Douglas! My god their heads are snapping back faster than I can count!

DM: Now THAT'S how you punch a man, Thomas. Of course, if it was me, I wouldn't NEED to utilize such a basic feature of my wrestling repertoire.

MN: I don't think they're really lookin for anything more, Dean... I mean come on... what are you gonna' do, bash a guy's skull in or flip him over for a takedown. That crap works great in other matches, but these guys just want to kick the living crap out of one another!

DT: And that's just what they're doing Mike! And these fans are giving them their appreciation!

(SFX: Crowd cheers wildly!!!!)

DT: And Doe gains the advantage!!! A right by Doe! Another right by Doe! A left! And Douglas is stumbling backwards.... a kick to the gut by Doe! Douglas is doubled over.... standing headscissors by Doe!!! HE HOISTS DOUGLAS UP FOR A POWERBOMB... HE'S GOT HIM ON HIS SHOULDERS!!! Oh my... he's walking Douglas over to the flames... he can't do this... he just can't....

MN: DOOO IT! DOOOO IT!

DT: DOUGLAS REVERSES! DOUGLAS REVERSES!!! HURRICANRANA!!!! DOE IS WRITHING AROUND IN THOSE FLAMES! OH MY GOD!!!! SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN!!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

(SFX: FANS POP HUGE!!!)

MN and DM: HOLY ****!

DT: DOE IS ON FIRE! DOE IS ON FIRE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! Oh thank heavens, attendants are putting Doe out with fire extinguishers... I can't believe this... this is absolutely amazing.

(SFX: FANS BOO)

DT: What do these people want??? They're not going to be happy until someone DIES here tonight!!!

MN: I can't believe what we just saw... do you realize that John Doe was just on fire???

DM: He only said it fifty times, Mike.

MN: I'm just amazed...

DT: Douglas with a cover!!! It has GOT to be over after that!!! THE REF IS COUNTING... THE FANS COUNTING ALONG WITH HIM!!!

(ONE!)

(TWO!)

(HESITATION.....)

DT: OH MY, NO!!!! DOE GETS A SHOULDER UP!!! I can't believe this??? How in the HELL did that man just get his shoulder up off of the floor???

MN: It doesn't matter Dave... the ref's sayin' the pin has to occur in the ring!! Remember, this may be an Inferno match, but it's not falls count anywhere! Douglas is being told this by the ref...

DT: So it didn't even matter if Doe got the shoulder up or not???

MN: Apparently not.

DM: That could be costly for Doe. While it was a great show of courage, it had to take something out of him to get that shoulder up off the floor in his condition.

DT: Douglas slams the floor with his fist now... obviously frustrated. He puts his hands on his head... look at his face guys, he has GOT to be upset right now.

MN: Yeah but he's gotta keep his composure if he wants to put Doe away...

DM: Why? It seems as though the whole "loose cannon" thing has been working quite well for these guys tonight...

DT: Douglas now slowly making his way over to that valve.... and he turns the flames off himself. Comes back to Doe, pulls him up onto his shoulder and rolls him under the bottom rope. Man, you can really see where Doe's body was burned by those flames! That could be a second degree.... I'm not a doctor, but he has GOT to be in serious pain.

MN: It doesn't take a doctor to know that the blisters on Doe's skin are probably quite painful.

DT: I don't even know how Doe's going to continue in his condition... this is so sickening. But at least there's going to be an end to this carnage. The ref following the two into the ring now... Douglas flops down on Doe for the pin.

(ONE!)

(TWO!)

(KICKOUT!!!!!)

DT: DOE KICKS OUT! DOE KICKS OUT! I can't believe it!!! The man is suffering from severe burns, and he STILL kicked out!! And my god... he's... he's LAUGHING!!!!

MN: Now THAT..... THAT IS HARDCORE!!! AHAHA HOLY CRAP THIS GUY IS NUTS!

DT: And look at the look on Douglas' face!!! He doesn't know WHAT to think!! I think that even with him being a former Xtreme Champion, I doubt he's ever faced a competitor like Doe! This is truly something wild, ladies and gentlemen!

DM: But look at what Douglas can do now... he's got Doe in the position to use a more technical attack. Doe can't retaliate with his normal ferocity... he's weakened...

DT: You're right Dean... and that's exactly what Douglas is going for right now! He's got Doe up in a fisherman's suplex! Slams him down to the canvas! Opts not to go for the cover! What's he thinking?

DM: I don't know but that's a FATAL error on the part of Douglas, you have GOT to pin your opponent if you've got him in this position.

MN: He obviously knows that Doe's a freakin' madman. It's going to take something big to finish him off....

DT: And it appears that Douglas is making his way to the corner! What's he going to do... I can't believe he's even thinking about taking this risk! He's taking an awfully long time getting there guys... but I can't blame him. I don't think he can even see straight. That broken nose is obviously messing with him right now...

MN: Yeah he's got to have a concussion or SOMETHING....

DT: Douglas slowly ascending the ropes now.... I think he's going to go for a moonsault!! He can't be thinking this... he's got his back to Doe.... but Doe is up!!! Doe is up!!! Stumbles up behind Douglas!!! This crowd is going wild.... they're trying to warn Troy!! Doe lunges with all his effort... PUSHES DOUGLAS OUT TO THE FLOOR!!!

MN: Oh man, he must have flown at least 20 feet.... pulled a total superman!!

(SFX: CROWD BOOS)

DT: And John Doe is so sapped for strength right now... I don't think he can capitalize! Both men are pretty much motionless right now.

DM: Gentlemen have you EVER seen a match like this before in your life?

DT: No way....

MN: Not me man... this is beyond what I even IMAGINED could have happened here tonight. I'm speechless....

DT: Dan Ryan might want to think about outlawing this type of match on future cards... because if this type of match becomes common, we could see our entire roster transfer over to the injured reserve VERY quickly.

DM: Let's take another look at some of the brutality thus far... this is just sickening folks, watch this...

(Shots play through on a double picture cut-in. Doe is moving slightly on the right side of the screen as the left shows Douglas getting a botched chairshot to the face.)

DT: Yeah that's clearly where Douglas' nose was broken, you can almost hear it snap. Just disgusting I tell you....

(Another shot plays through of Doe rolling around on fire, but on the right hand side of the screen he is up and walking slowly.)

DM: And again, the fire taking its toll on John Doe... but wait... break back to live action fellas...

DT: It appears as though John Doe has recovered first... he's rolling out of the ring... looking for something under the apron.

MN: What the hell's he gonna' pull out now, a chainsaw?

DM: I wouldn't put it past him....

DT: NO... Doe's got a table! He's pulling out a table from under the ring!

(SFX: FANS POP!)

DT: John Doe now sliding the table into the ring, slowly following it in. And it looks as though Douglas is up on the opposite side now as well.

MN: Man, I seriously want to just take the time out to say great match to these two guys, I'm honestly impressed.

DT: I don't think I've ever heard you talk like that Mike...

MN: Well, this is just insanity...

DT: Indeed it is. Doe now propping that table up in the corner... he's wedging it in there, I guess he wants to make sure it's not going anywhere...

DM: Douglas is back in the ring though Dave...

DT: Yessir, and he's found enough energy to make a charge at Doe! Doe sidesteps! CLUBS Douglas in the back of the head! Takes out his legs!! Goes for a quick cover!

(ONE!)

(TWO!)

(KICKOUT!)

DT: And he's not going to get it there... man how long can these two keep up this level of competition? Doe pulls Douglas up to his feet... SNAP SUPLEX! AND ANOTHER!!! Douglas looks to be in some serious pain! But you've gotta remember those suplexes are taking a lot out of Doe as well... his back is completely covered in blisters from that fire!

MN: Yup, you're right Dave... look at him whincing. He knows that wasn't the smartest idea in the whole world.

DT: Doe picking Douglas back up... shot to the gut by Troy!! Fires a right hand at Doe's face!! And another!!! Douglas starting to come back here!

(SFX: CROWD POPS!)

DT: DOUGLAS WITH THE WHIP... HE'S GONNA SEND DOE INTO THAT TABLE! NO!!! REVERSAL AT THE LAST SECOND!!!!

(SFX: BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!! Sparks erupt from the table as Douglas impacts it, followed by a plume of smoke. Troy comes flying out the corner and lands unconscious on his stomach. The crowd jumps at the sound....)

DT: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I THINK I JUST JUMPED OUT OF MY SEAT!!! Doe had that table rigged with explosives!!!

DM: GENIUS!! PURE GENIUS!!!

MN: WHAT????? I CAN'T FREAKING HEAR YOU GUYS!!!

DT: The referee looks bewildered!!! I don't think even HE knows what just happened! Doe with the cover!!!! This can't be how it ends!!! THIS CAN'T BE!!! DOE'S GOT HIS TIGHTS, PULLING BACK WITH ALL HIS MIGHT.....

(ONE!)

(TWO!)

(THREE!!!)

(SFX: CROWD BOOS TREMENDOUSLY)

DT: AND JOHN DOE HAS JUST WON THIS MATCH!!!!

DM: Oh man... what a finish... I didn't even see that one coming...

(SFX: RING ANNOUNCER: "AND YOUUURR WINNNERRRRRRR..... JOOOOOHHNNNNN DOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!")



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MN: HEY, WHY'S DOE CHEERING??? I DIDN'T HEAR NO BELL!

DM: MIke, you can't hear anything man... I think the explosion blew out your eardrums or something....

MN: WHAT??? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.... I THINK THE EXPLOSION BLEW OUT MY EARDRUMS OR SOMETHING!!!! I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!

DT: Folks, an absolutely stunning finish to an amazing matchup.... John Doe walking... stumbling rather... away with a win here. I don't think he can even raise his hands to celebrate. These two competitors, they deserve some serious respect for this one. One for the books, there's no doubt about it. Let's go to a commercial guys, I think we need a breather after that one... somebody go find Mike.

DT V/O: Wait, we’ve got something in the back.

(The scene is a hallway in the arena. JA is wiping residual toothpaste out of the eyeholes in his lucha mask. Eisenkreuz walks by.)

EK: Grüß dich, Herr Anonymous.

JA: Hey, what’s up big guy.

EK: Not much, not much. I hear you are having qvite ze moral dilemma for your match.

JA: Oh me? Man, everyone’s got an opinion on that. I mean, can’t I just wrestle my own match?

EK: Ja, du kannst. But, tell me, vould you be able to live mit yourself if you ended his career?

JA: I won’t. I mean, people come back all the time. You do what you have to do to win. That’s right. Win… win.

EK: You can still vin vitout injuring his knee furter. Go for ze neck or someting. Vin anoter vay.

JA: Geez, leave it to the German guy to strike as my conscience.

EK: Heh, vell, good luck.

JA: Thanks…

DM V/O: Well, he’s getting it from all sides.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

DT: Well, it’s time for the number one contenders’ series with Steve Savoy, Cross and JA.
MN: Thanks, Captain Bland N. Generic.

DT: My name’s Dave Thomas. You should know that by now, Mike,

DM: I don’t think you quite know the meaning of the word sarcastic. But regardless, this match has been the hottest one in leading up to the event. Plus that backstage attack was… well weird, but still something you know Savoy would do.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Cage Match - Winner Faces JA
Steve Savoy vs. Cross

(Cue up “Eat the Rich”)

MN: What in the hell? He’s not scheduled to be wrestling until after this match! I want him banned from ringside!

DM: And I want fluffy, delicious Eggo waffles with sweet Aunt Jemima maple syrup, so let’s see who gets their wish first.

DT: You should Dean. You do have that endorsement deal.

DM: Duh, thank you Captain Obvious.

DT: I told you, my name is…

DM and MN: Shut up!

DM: That was… scary. But anyway, JA has promised that he’d keep watch out for Dis in case he stuck his nose into places where it didn’t belong.

MN: I don’t know how good he’s going to be at looking out for anything. Toothpaste doesn’t exactly improve vision, heheh.

DT: JA’s checking the cage, and here comes Savoy.

(Cue up “Watching the Wheels”)

DT: You know what guys, something tells me that Savoy doesn’t quite appreciate JA being here.

MN: No sh…

DT: Family show!

MN: Shih Tzu, Dave.

DM: Well, we all know that Steve Savoy is a decorated former champion around the circuit, and we also know he’s eccentric, but methinks he proves himself a bit paranoid, would you not say, fair town crier?

DT: You need help, Dean. Anyway, Savoy’s in the cage, staring a hole right through JA, although he might need to change his attentions soon.

(Cue up “Jesus Walks” by Kanye West)

DT: Here comes Cross, no noticeable limp.

MN: It doesn’t matter, he won’t have any limp after the match, because he won’t be able to walk.

DM: Sadly, that might be true. While JA is having some second thoughts about taking out the leg, Savoy won’t, and there’s no guarantee that Cross will make it past Savoy here.

DT: So true Dean, Cross enters the cage and the bell rings. They’re both staring each other down. Cross turns away momentarily, and Savoy takes advantage! Blindside shot to Cross’ head, Cross hits the cage.

MN: Never take your eyes of the artist formerly known as Shawn Hart!

DM: Yeah, you never know what he’s going to pull out of his pants next. BA-ZING!

DT: Let’s keep this at least a little clean guys. Cross back up and Savoy nails him again, this time with a left. Cross to the canvas, Savoy goes for the knee, but Cross rolls over out of the way.

MN; I told you, Savoy has no scruples when it comes to injured body parts.

DM: I believe that was me, douche.

DT: Whoever it was, Cross doesn’t want to be out of this match too early. Cross back up again, Savoy’s over but, Cross not backing down. Savoy with a right hand, blocked! Cross returns volley with a forearm to the face. Savoy stumbles back, Cross off the ropes and a big clothesline! Savoy down, Cross covers…

…one…

…but Savoy quickly kicks out!

MN: It’s going to take a lot more than that to defeat someone who’s undefeated.

DM: Savoy’s technically undefeated, but c’mon now, one and oh?

MN: Hey, that’s three and oh.

DM: I don’t think WFW and MBE count here.

DT: Cross back up, so’s Savoy, shaking out the cobwebs, but Cross doesn’t give him the chance, suplex, no, Savoy blocks it. Reversal and a suplex of his own! Savoy up, Cross up slower… Discus clothesline! Savoy down, and he’s got Cross in a leg lace on that injured knee!

MN: Cripple him!

DT: That’s not nice, Mike.

DM: Well, Savoy’s not a nice guy either. And neither is Neels.

DT: Cross has the ropes now, Savoy breaks. It doesn’t look like Cross’ leg was damaged that much there, but you have to think that it’s going to come back and haunt him later.

DM: Well duh, especially since The Phenom’s going back to the leg now with a single crab.

DT: Savoy’s got the leg… no! Cross just booted him in the face with his free leg. A little slow getting up, Cross is… Savoy’s up first, but CROSS WITH A TACKLE!

DM: Great resolve there. Reminds me of me from my wrestling days.

MN: What, you mean Cross is a homo…

DT: Easy there Neels.

DM: Yeah, wouldn’t want you to, you know, get zapped again.

MN: But Dodd isn’t wrestling right now!

DT: Guys, we have a match going on, and Cross is back up, he’s got Savoy and he slams him up against the cage! Once… twice… three times, four, five, and Savoy drops back. Cross with the quick cover…

…one…

…two…

…Savoy kicks out!

MN: It’s going to take more than that to take out an undefeated Phenom!

DM: Not much more probably, if Cross keeps rattling the guy’s brain like that.

DT: Cross picks Savoy back up, puts him on the top rope… superplex! Cover again…

…one…

…two…

…but Savoy kicks out again!

DM: Cross seems to be wearing Mr. Hart out here. Can’t get his leg into any submission holds if he can’t move.

MN: His name is Steve Savoy, and while I agree with your assessment, I think you’re an idiot for thinking Cross can even think to incapacitate someone as great as Savoy.

DM: Yeah, but at least I’m not a molester of emus like you are Neels.

MN: What?

DT: Cross back up again, he’s got Savoy… Death Valley driver! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…thr… no! Savoy kicks out again.

MN: I told you, Savoy’s the man!

DT: Cross is looking frustrated. He goes down and… Savoy just tripped him up! Cross down and Savoy right over… Achilles lock on the ankle! Putting pressure on that knee!

DM: Well, Savoy showing everyone that the craftiness didn’t leave him with the name change.

MN: That’s what I’ve been saying all along!

DM: Well zippity-doo Neels. Wanna cookie?

MN: Sure… yeah you have an endorsement deal with Keebler now?

DM: No, but that’s a good idea!

DT: Cross gets to the ropes, but he’s slower to get up. I think Savoy’s put a dent in that knee.

DM: Me too. Cross may not have a career when this match is over.

DT: Both men are up and Savoy with the chop block! Cross is down, and Savoy’s going for a single leg crab! He’s got him over… oh no.

MN: Oh no? Dave, I’m ashamed that you’d compromise your journalistic integrity and root for that idiot Cross.

DM: Oh yeah, you’re one to talk, you gave your integrity away a long time ago the first time you uttered the words “Big Loafy.”

MN: Hey, when I root for guys, I root for the right ones.

DT: Cross is struggling to get to the ropes, and he does, but damn, I think the damage has been done. He’s clutching his knee.

MN: Stop the match! Savoy wins!

DM: I wouldn’t be so sure. Cross may be hurt, but he’s not a quitter. He’ll keep fighting until every last cell in his body is dead.

MN: Well, we might see that tonight, hell, I hope we see that tonight.

DT: Savoy takes his good old time releasing the hold, and Cross is holding his knee. Savoy drags Cross to the middle of the ring and… Cross just booted him in the face! Savoy stumbles back, Cross struggling to his feet.

MN: Loaded boot! Loaded boot!

DT: Cross is crouching down, Savoy back over and… Cross just took him down with a fireman’s carry!

MN: He’s taking the cream! And the clear!

DM: Will you shut up?

MN: But it’s true!

DT: Cross hobbling back to his feet, Savoy up. Savoy lunges… Cross blocks! He grabs Savoy, off the ropes, spinebust… no! Cross’ knee gave out! He goes crashing to the canvas!

DM: Shades of last Aggression!

DT: Savoy goes for the cover…

…one…

…two…

…but Cross kicks out!

DM: That was close!

MN: A little too close… have him banned for using steroids!

DT: Cross looks like he’s in pain. Savoy back down and drives his knee into Cross’ knee!

MN: Tee-hee, we get to see Cross’ career go the way of the dinosaur tonight!

DM: As much as I hate to agree with you, Neels, I think you’re right. The only difference is, I’m not going to enjoy it.

DT: I don’t think the fans are enjoying it either, and neither is JA. He’s been wincing at every shot at Cross’ knee.

MN: Big masked baby.

DT: Savoy back up, he’s got Cross’ knee, he’s going for a figure four…

MN: Good night, Cross!

DT: Savoy spinning arou… no! Cross just kicked him in the behind before he could lock in the hold! Savoy goes head first into the cage! Cross is struggling to his feet, I think Savoy’s busted open.

MN: That’s it, disqualify Cross!

DM: What do you think this is, Neels, 1974?

DT: Savoy turns around, Cross with the small package…

…one…

…two…

…Savoy kicks out!

DM: Cross is unfreakinbelievable.

DT: Cross hobbles to his feet as Savoy gets up. Cross with a right, and a left, and another right. Savoy reels back, off the ropes and Cross nails him with a DDT! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…but Savoy kicks out!

DM: I don’t know where Cross is finding the strength and balance to stay on his feet, but this is one of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen.

MN: Oh yeah? Well, I’ve seen like 12 things more impressive tonight alone.

DM: Oh yeah? Name ‘em.

MN: I don’t have to answer to you!

DM: You’re lying.

MN: No I’m not, I just don’t feel like talking to you.

DT: Cross grabs Savoy and whips him off the ropes. Clothesline, no Savoy ducks! Rebound and… big clothesline from Steve Savoy!

MN: Take it to him, Phenom!

DT: Cross is down, Savoy’s going for the single crab again on the bad knee.

MN: This has got to be it! Go Steve-o! Go Steve-o!

DT: He… no! Cross just booted him in the face. Savoy with a boot to the gut, and he’s going for it again… no! Cross just kicked him with his free leg in the gut!

DM: Cross knows his goose is cooked if he gets put in that leg lock again.

MN: You can say that again. Oh my, I just love seeing that idiot suffer.

DT: Savoy now with the hard elbow to Cross’ head. He picks Cross up and hits his head against the cage! Once, twice, three times, four times… and Cross is down on the canvas.

MN: Savoy’s going to show there’s more than one way to skin a cat!

DM: Maybe, or maybe he’s just trying to rattle Cross enough so he can’t fight back when Savoy goes for the knee.

DT: That’s good analysis, Dean.

DM: That’s what I’m here for. Well that and cah-razy voices! Boo-boo-shoodily-doo-doo!

DT: Savoy stands Cross up and takes a step back… EL CODO EXPLOSIVO!

MN: OLE~!

DT: Savoy not going for the pin… he’s down at the legs… leg lace on that injured knee!

DM: I can’t believe it. This match is over, and it’s a shame too. Cross fought valiantly.

MN: All hail Steve Savoy, he looks really good in purple corduroy.

DM: That’s… just sick.

DT: Cross is screaming out… and he’s sitting up! I can’t believe it!

MN: He just can’t take the pain laying down. He’s getting more oomph on his yelp! I love it.

DT: Cross winces… and now he’s looking Savoy straight in the eye. Savoy can’t believe it!

MN: I can’t either! I can’t believe Cross got by the steroid testing!

DT: Cross reaches up. He’s got Savoy by the hair! He’s got Savoy by the hair!

DM: Are you kidding me?

DT: One punch! Two punches! Savoy breaks the hold!

DM: That was amazing, but I can’t think that Cross has anything left in his knee after that. He’s just prolonging the inevitable, unfortunately.

MN: Unfortunately?

DT: Cross is crawling around. I don’t know how much he has left. Savoy’s up too. He’s got Cross to his feet.

MN: I think it’s time for the knockout blow…

DT: Savoy’s going for El Co… no! Cross ducked it! Cross shoves Savoy into the ropes chest first, Savoy bounces back… roll up…

…one…

…two…

…no! Savoy kicks out!

DM: I can’t believe this! Cross has gotta be running on sheer adrenaline right now!

MN: Or steroids!

DT and DM: Shut up!

DT: Savoy up, Cross slow to get up, still clutching the knee. Savoy going after Cross, Cross rolls away. Cross is playing keep away!

MN: He’s only delaying the inevitable, right Dean?

DM: I’m not so sure now.

DT: Savoy still going after Cross… no! Cross with the drop toehold, Savoy’s head just crashed against the steel! I don’t know where he got that, but he got it!

DM: He used Savoy’s own momentum against him!

MN: No! No! No!

DT: Cross is crawling to his feet using the ropes.

MN: No!

DM: Be a man, Neels! Stop crying.

MN: But it’s not fair!

DT: Fair or not, Cross is up to his feet! So’s Savoy! I don’t know how much either one has left in his tank, but they’re up again.

DM: I’m telling you, if Cross wins this match, I’m going to convert to his oh-so-wacky brand of über-mystic Christianity.

MN: Religion is not a joke, Dean.

DM: Unless it’s you getting down on your knees for Dodd, right?

MN: Shut up.

DT: Savoy’s nearly blinded by the blood gushing from his forehead. Cross hobbles over, right… Savoy blocks it, slap to Cross’ mouth! He grabs Cross, shinbreaker on the injured leg… no! Cross elbows Savoy right in the face at the height of the move! Cross to the canvas! Savoy to the canvas!

DM: The carnage… man, this is cool.

DT: Cool maybe, but these men are giving it all they’ve got. This is what Empire Pro Wrestling is all about!

DM: Is it the greatest match in the history of our sport, Dave?

DT: It may… oh you can go to heck, Dean.

DM: What? Heck?

DT: Family show. Cross is struggling to his feet again, as is Savoy…

MN: C’mon Phenom, c’mon Phenom…

DM: You should try out for Ugly Cheerleaders dot com, Neels.

DT: Cross and Savoy are now back on their feet. Savoy punches wildly and misses… Cross… has him in position…

DM: Holy crap, he tried this last week and his knee gave out. This may not be a smart move…

DT: I agree Dean, but he’s going for it anyway… and… HE DID IT! CROSS HIT GOLGOTHA! CROSS HIT GOLGOTHA! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! COVER…

…one…

…two…

…three!!!

(SFX: Ding ding ding)

Tony Fatora: Here’s the winner of the cage portion of this match… CROSS!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


#1 Contendership - EPW World Heavyweight Championship
JA vs. Cross

MN: Noooo! Noooo! Oh God, nooooo!!!

DM: Jesus Neels, I haven’t seen you this broken up since I got the official endorsement deal for Coke and you got stuck with Cialis, and then you actually had an over four hour erection.

MN: Shut up. This is criminal! Now who do I root for?

DM: No one! That’s the best part! You can at least pretend to be a journalist and have you some of that integrity they always talkin’ bout on the tee-vee.

DT: They’re disassembling the cage now… JA’s pacing like a caged tiger.

DM: Yeah, but I don’t know about that look on his face. It looks like he’s worried about something.

DT: Well he has voiced some concerns from his conscience about going after that knee. I mean, I think he really might be vexed here.

MN: Who cares? Sweetcheeks Steve Savoy won’t be advancing to face Beast! This is criminal!

DM: Will you shove it already, Neels? I think he might be vexed too, but he can’t worry about it. It’s Cross’ cross to bear. Ha, I made a funny.

MN: Yeah, so funny I forgot to laugh. Jerk.

DM: Well, why don’t you stop being such a Sean Penn and lighten up a bit.

DT: Well, I don’t think Cross will be lightening up.

DM: I don’t expect him to. He’s a warrior, and I think he can beat JA. But the question is, will he? Is that knee gonna hold up?

DT: We’re going to find out soon enough, they have the cage down. JA’s climbing up the ring steps, looking at Cross’ knee. He’s propped up in that corner Dean. That doesn’t look good for him.

DM: I know. Maybe he’s got another gear that we don’t know about. For his sake, I hope he does. JA’s shown that he’s the real deal.

DT: JA’s in the ring.

(SFX: Ding ding ding)

DT: They’re circling each other. JA’s a bit pensive… and Cross is yelling at him!

DM: Say what you will, but Cross has BALLS, man. Big brass balls.

DT: JA’s just staring at him. Cross is getting livid!

DM: JA better do something. Does he really want a shot at the title?

DT: I don’t think there’s a question that he is. He has history with Beast. He wants Beast. But does he want a nearly crippled Cross?

DM: I don’t think he has a choice here Dave…

DT: Cross with the jab right to JA’s face!

DM: Oh man, the Anglo Luchador got punked.

DT: JA looks up… what did he just say to Cross?

DM: I think it was something like, “It’s your funeral.”

DT: Cross just shakes his head and… MY GOD! JA just took his head off with that lariat!

DM: I think JA gets it now.

DT: JA stares coldly at Cross as he’s on the canvas… and backflip splash! JA covers…

…one…

…two…

…Cross kicks out.

DM: It might benefit Jay here to get a quick pinfall. Cross is battered, and I don’t think JA should risk the guy getting momentum or adrenaline on his side.

MN: Just put him in the liontamer and get it over with. Sheesh.

DT: JA picks up Cross and… no, Cross with a right jab, left jab, right cross, left uppercut. JA leans against the ropes and stumbles forward… SPINEBUSTER!

DM: Arn Anderson, eat your heart out!

MN: Isn’t he dead?

DM: No you moron.

MN: Well, he should be. And so should Cross. And JA.

DT: JA’s a bit slow to get up. Cross is up, he goes over to JA, and JA puts him to the canvas with a drop toehold!

DM: That can’t be good for the leg, Dave.

DT: No, it can’t. JA up and… back down to the canvas with a front chancery?

MN: What an idiot! He should have gone for a leg hold!

DM: It’s the conscience, Jiminy Cricket style.

DT: JA with that front headlock in tight. Cross getting to his feet, JA getting up with him… Cross with one punch to the gut, two, JA breaks the hold. Cross with a standing lariat… JA ducks! Goes behind him, full nelson and… release Dragon suplex!

DM: Whap! Impactolicious!

DT: JA’s up, stomps on the back of Cross’ head… covers…

…one…

…two…

…Cross kicks out again. JA back up, he scoops up Cross from the canvas over the shoulder… now… tombstone piledriver! Another cover…

…one…

…two…

…but Cross kicks out.

MN: I’ve figured out what JA’s trying to do.

DM: What’s that?

MN: I think he’s trying help Cross’ leg pain by paralyzing him so he doesn’t feel it. What a humanitarian!

DM: You never cease to amaze me, Neels.

DT: JA back up again, now he’s got Cross in the standing headscissors… no! Cross counters it with a back body drop!

DM: Big move! This guy must have eaten his Wheaties for breakfast.

MN: Yeah, with a side order of steroids.

DT: JA’s up, turns around, but Cross catches him with a boot to the gut. He’s going for a fireman carry, wait, no, he can’t get JA up on his shoulders.

DM: The knee, the knee, damn, Cross can’t win with that knee.

DT: Cross turns away, holding his knee. JA goes over, but Cross turns around and slugs him in the head! JA stumbles back, BIG clothesline from Cross! JA down to the canvas!

DM: Big move from Cross. He’s gonna have to keep going with stuff like that if he wants to win this match.

MN: Lost cause.

DM: You never know, Neels.

DT: JA back to his feet, Cross boots him in the gut with his good leg… DDT! Cross covers…

…one…

…two…

…JA kicks out.

DM: I don’t know how Cross pulls it out.

MN: I don’t care. How do you like them apples?

DM: Tasty.

DT: Cross grabs JA, gets him back to his feet… belly to belly suplex!

DM: Unreal.

DT: Cross down to the canvas and puts JA in a headlock.

DM: That ought to buy Cross some time to heal his knee.

MN: Who cares. I know I don’t.

DM: Well Neels, that’s why you suck.

DT: Cross with the headlock cinched in tight. JA struggling to his feet, he’s powered to his feet. He shoves Cross off the ropes. Cross on the rebound… another big clothesline! Cross just sent JA to the canvas.

DM: Cross is a man possessed.

DT: Yes that he is. Cross has JA up again, whips him into the corner. Cross follows in, one elbow, another, and another… now a shot to the face! JA falls to the canvas. Cross covers…

…one…

…two…

…JA kicks out. Cross is in control of this match.

DM: Basically on one leg too.

DT: That’s the impressive part. Cross up, he grabs JA and whips him off the ropes. Cross for the clothesline again… no! JA ducks, rebounds… SPEAR! BIG SPEAR BY JA! Cross is down!

DM: Oh man, the Anglo Luchador just derailed the Holy Train with that one.

DT: JA up, and he’s got Cross’ legs!

DM: I think he’s having a change of heart here! He’s going for the kill!

MN: Finally, get this match over with.

DT: Wait though, he’s just standing there with the legs.

MN: Come on! Go for the Walls of Jericoholic! End this friggin’ match!

DM: Well, we saw how Cross withstood Savoy’s assault on his legs earlier. It wouldn’t end the match, but it certainly wouldn’t be doing Cross any favors here.

DT: JA’s… he’s… I don’t believe this, he just landed a Jeff Hardy-style double leg drop across Cross’ midsection there.

DM: Jiminy Cricket!

DT: JA’s getting up… I don’t understand the strategy here.

DM: He’s trying to win the match without ending Cross’ career. Noble, but honestly, unless he can really hit his big moves, it might blow up in his face. Cross is on a whole other level tonight.

DT: JA’s got Cross, from the back… Lucky Seven Suplex! Oh man, that move is just devastating watching it. JA up again, not going for the cover, but over to the turnbuckles.

DM: Air Lucha…

DT: JA to the top and… guillotine leg drop right across Cross’ neck! I think JA is looking for another way out, but at this rate, he may end Cross’ career anyway… cover…

…one…

…two…

…thr… no! NO! Cross kicked out!

DM: I thought he had him there.

DT: Me too. Man, JA back up, and now he’s signaling to the crowd.

DM: Karelin Driver! HEADA DOROPPINGU!

DT: JA’s got him by the waist… turning him around… Cross won’t go over, he’s shifting his weight, blocking the move. Look at the frustration on JA’s face.

DM: He can’t get him over! Cross is just holding for dear life…

DT: And now Cross has the ropes! JA has to let go so he can regroup!

DM: I can’t freakin’ believe it, yet I can believe it at the same time.

MN: That doesn’t make any sense.

DM: Neither does your face.

MN: Shut up!

DT: JA back over to Cross. He’s grab… no! CROSS JUST THREW JA OVER THE TOP ROPE!

MN: Disqualify him!

DM: This isn’t lucha, dumbass.

MN: Yeah, but JA’s the Anglo Luchador. Lucha rules apply!

DM: You’re incorrigible.

DT: Cross climbing to his feet. He’s been rocked with those head dropping moves. JA’s slowly getting up too. JA’s leaning up against the apron. Cross struggling to his feet.

DM: Both these guys are the man… whoever wins, they’re gonna deserve that shot at Beast, or Dis, or whoever walks out of here the Champ tonight.

DT: JA gets up on the apron. Cross to his feet. Cross with a shot to JA. And another one. Now he grabs the former Intercontinental Champion and… suplex into the… no! JA floats behind him! Roll up…

…one…

…Cross kicks out!

DM: Second wind!

MN: Or steroids!

DT: JA and Cross both up. JA falls back, off the ropes… cross body bl… no! CROSS CAUGHT HIM! POWERSLAM! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…JA kicks out! Cross slowly gets up, how much more is it going to take to put either man away?

DM: I don’t know, but you gotta believe that JA is one counter move away from winning this match. Cross was in there with a sadistic Steve Savoy for over 20 minutes before lasting about 15 with JA right now. JA’s obviously the fresher man.

DT: Cross picks JA up to his feet. He’s grabbing JA… don’t tell me… he’s going to go for Golgotha?

DM: That may be a mistake…

DT: He’s got JA up and… no! JA escapes the hold! Now he’s going to go for a hangman’s neckbreaker but… no! Cross escapes it! JA turns around and… CROSS JUST NAILED HIM WITH A DDT!

DM: Guzzah!

DT: Cross isn’t covering. He’s… going to the turnbuckles? What in the hell?

DM: I’m just as baffled as you are Dave. His knee is still busted up. I don’t think he’ll be able to pull off something aerial. He should stick with that crazy Golgotha move!

DT: Cross climbs the ropes. He’s up on the top, back facing the ring. He leaps… moonsault… and… HE NAILED IT! HE NAILED IT! MY GOD, HE JUST NAILED JA WITH THE MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP! COVER…

…one…

…two…

…three!!!

(SFX: Ding ding ding… the crowd explodes.)

Tony Fatora: Here is your winner, and NEW NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TO THE EMPIRE PRO WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP… CROSS!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DT: Oh my GAWD, what a Herculean effort from the man known as Cross!

DM: You said it!

MN: Bah, he wouldn’t have won if JA wasn’t such a wuss and went for that knee.

DM: Neels, why can’t you just admit for once that Cross was the better.

DT: Indeed. Knee or no knee, Cross was the better man tonight. JA’s getting up, he looks over to Cross. They approach each other.

MN: Nail him, nail him, Jay!

DT: They’re staring each other in the face and… JA extends his hand!

MN: Don’t shake it! Pull it away and be like, I’m too cool…

DM: Shut up Neels.

DT: Cross looks him over and… he shakes! What a display of sportsmanship.

DM: Yeah, refreshing to see the respect that JA and Cross have for each oth…

DT: Don’t look now, someone’s coming out from the back… it’s… it’s Steve Savoy! He’s running up behind Cross and… oh my God, he just nailed Cross from behind.

MN: Yes! Yes! There is a God! Thank you God! Thank you Steve Savoy!

DT: Savoy with the… no wait! JA just clocked Steve Savoy! Now they’re going at it! This is a donnybrook! JA with a left, Savoy with a right, they’re trading blows! Someone stop this!

DM: You may get your wish, here comes the ROVING BAND OF SECURITY AND REFS~! Bastions of vigilante justice!

DT: They’ve got them separated… man. That was an ugly end to a great match.

DM: Well, I don’t know, but methinks we haven’t seen the last of Steve Savoy and Cross after that display of bitterness. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets a little irked at JA for breaking it up.

DT: Perhaps that may be the case.

DM: What a great match, fellas.

DT: The Tag Team Turmoil Match is next right after this!!!!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

EPW World Tag-Team Championship
Tag-Team Turmoil
"Queen of the Ring" Lindsay Troy/Christian Sands (c) vs. The Cameron Cruise Project vs. Priest/Eisenkreuz vs. Blitz

TONY FATORA: The following match up is a Tag Team Turmoil match. All the teams will be in the ring at the same time if one member is pinned the whole team is eliminated. Introducing first….

(CUEUP: “Headstrong” as Joey Melton and Cameron Cruise walk down the ramp. But before Fatora can finish the introduction two figures explode from the curtain and charge down the ramp…their names….Max and Jecht…Blitz.)

DT: And this match hasn’t even started! Jecht with a clothesline to the back of Joey Melton as Max hits a Bulldog on Cameron Cruise.

DM: Nice attack, solid and quick.

MN: Cheating…that’s what it is! Hey what’s that over their, coming out of the stands….wait a minute…IT’S PRIEST AND EISENKREUZ!

DT: Priest sliding in the ring and Eisenkreuz following

SFX: DING DING

DT: PRIEST WITH A FLYING PLANCHA OVER THE TOP ROPE AND LANDS ON CCP AND BLITZ!

DM: And here comes Sands and Troy down the ramp! Esienkreuz sliding out of the ring as he grabs Melton forcing him in the ring. Sands with a big boot to the face of Priest. Lindsay Troy leaping in the air….CROSSBODY TO CAMERON CRUISE!

MN: Esienkreuz picking Melton up, Melton with a shot to the gut, and another, Melton breaking free…SPINNING WHEEL KICK TO ESIENKREUZ!

DM: Sands grabbing Priest…..Irish Whip….AND PRIST GOES HEAD FIRST INTO THE STEEL RING POST Sands sending him in the ring.

DT: Troy and Cruise exchanging punches…..Cameron with a low kick…..VERTICAL SUPLEX AS HE HOLDS LINDSAY IN THE AIR…..Cruise aligning himself with those ring steps…VERTICAL SUPLEX TO LINDSAY TROY ONTO THE STEEL RINGSTEPS!

DM: And Cruise putting Lindsay in the ring as he slides in as well.

DT: And out tag team champions are in the ring with 3 other tag teams.

MN: This is going to be quite interesting.

DM: No this is going to be utter havoc!

DT: And Christian Sands is going to start things off as he shoves PRIEST, PRIEST shoving back.

MN: Cameron Cruise with a clothesline to the back of Jecht, as this has just turned into a tag team brawl!

DT: Lindsay Troy getting involved as she low kicks PRIEST, Christian Sands picking him up.

DM: Cameron Cruise Irish whipping Jecht, as Joey Melton has Max forced into a corner.

MN: Sands is going to body press PRIEST!

DT: NO! Cruise Irish whip Jecht into Sands, Sands falls over, and PRIEST lands on top of him.

MN: 1… 2… KICKOUT!

DM: Joey Melton with shoulder thrusts to Max. HERE COMES LINDSAY TROY! NO! A SHARP CLOTHESLINE FROM CAMERON CRUSIE.

DT: AND PRIEST LAYS A DROP KICK TO THE FACE OF CAMERON CRUISE!!

MN: Is it me or is everyone in that corner??

DM: Everyone's at the corner.

MN: Not surprised especially with Lindsay there

DT: Sands is to his feet, here comes Eisenkreuz bouncing off the ropes and charging at Sands¦.. SANDS CATCHES HIM IN A BELLY TO BELLY OVER HEAD SUPLEX! And Eisenkreuz lands on that crowd by the turnbuckle!

DM: LINDSAY HIT HER HEAD WITH PRIEST'S!

DT: I think they are both out of it. Look at that lump on Priest's head, it looks like an egg.

MN: Cameron Cruise to his feet as he looks at a knocked out Priest cover… 1… 2... faint kick out.

DM: Christian Sands grabbing Cruise. .SANDS GOING TO FOR A VERTICAL SUPLEX AS HE HOLDS CAMERON IN THE AIR.. HERE COMES JOEY MELTON TO THE RESQUE!!

DT: Joey kicks Sands in the stomach, SMALL PAGE FROM CAMERON CRUISE. 12. JOEY PULLING ON THE TIGHTS OF CHRISTIAN SANDS!!!!!

MN: THREE!! They cheated Christian Sands! I can't believe it!

DM: CHRISTIAN SANDS AND LIDSAY TROY ARE ELIMANTED!!!

MN: Lindsay looking at Sands in disgust as she slides out the ring with Sands.

DT: And Max tying up with Cruise, Jecht with Joey. PRIEST and Eisenkreuz look at the brawl Cameron pushing Max away as they both look at PRIEST..DOUBLE TEAM SUPLEX TO PRIEST FROM CAMERON CRUISE AND MAX! AND A DOULBE TEAM CLOTHES LINE FROM JOEY AND JECHT TO EISENKREUZ!!!

MN: WOW! I would have never expected that!

DM: Cruise forcing Jecht over the top rope! PRIEST LOW BLOWS JOEY MELTON!! AND HERE COMES MAX OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A TORNADO DDT!!!

MN: Cameron Cruise turning around and PRIEST's giving him the finger!

DT: Toe kick from PRIEST...SWINING NECKBREAKER! Here's the cover..1..2.and Joey Melton breaking up the count.

DM: And Jecht sliding in the ring as he rushes at Melton...Melton Turning around...SPINEBUSTER FROM JECHT!

MN: Jecht grabbing Eisenkreuz and forcing him on his shoulders…Max is on the top rope…MAX JUMPING OFF AS HE HITS A SIDE EFFECT!!!! COVER 1..2.

DM: PRIEST IS GOING TO SAVE THE COUNT! NO JECHT PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE MAKING HIM FALL BACK ONTO MAX!!!!

DT: THREE!!!!!!!! The extra weight pinned Eisenkreuz down! And it comes down to Blitz and The Cameron Cruise Project.

DM: Joey Melton exchanging punches with Max, and Cameron Cruise is tying up with Jecht. Cameron with the duck under, and Joey gaining control. Cameron going for a German Suplex.

MN: He can't lift him up!

DT: Max forced into the corner again as Joey mounts the turnbuckle and punches the head.

DM: Jecht with the elbow to Cameron's face, Joey dismounting Max…AND MAX EYE RAKING JOEY MELTON.

MN: Nice move, very nice.

DT: Jecht grabbing Cameron by the neck and is choking him in the air. AND JECHT SLAMS CAMERON CRUISE TO THE RING.

DM: That had to hurt his back. Max Irish whipping Joey Melton, he's heading towards Jecht..

MN: Head over shoulder toss by Jecht as Joey is sent into the air. Jecht is setting up for a camel clutch on Joey Melton. And he's locked it!

DT: Max bouncing off the turnbuckles and is rushing at Joey. MAX WITH THE DROPKICK..

DM: NO!!!! JOEY MOVES AS MAX JUST NAILED A MISSLE DROPKICK TO THE FACE OF HIS OWN PARTNER!

MN: And Cameron Cruise with a German Suplex to Max! He rolls to his feet, and another German Suplex! ROLLING AGAIN! THREE PERFECT GERMAN SUPLEXS FROM CAMERON CRUISE TO MAX!

DT: Jecht getting to his feet, rollup by Joey Melton.1..2..3

MN: CAMERON CRUISE AND JOEY MELTON HAVE DONE IT!

DM: NO! The referee saying that Jecht had his foot on the rope. Melton is in shock, Cruise Mud-Hole stomping Max. Joey pulling Jecht to his feet. Jecht with a punch to Melton, and another, and Jecht has Melton doubled over.

DT: POWER BOMB FROM JECHT!!! 12..and Cameron Cruise breaks up the count! Cruise punching Jecht, Irish whip, Jecht running at Max, Max halts Jecht. As Max runs at Cruise, CAMERON WITH A TRIP AS MAX HITS THE SECOND ROPE!

MN: OH NO! Jecht is rushing at Cameron Cruise! That's like a freight train coming at a buggy!

DM: AND CAMERON TRIPS HIM AS WELL MAKING HIM LAND ON MAX!

DT: Cruise and Melton grabbing Jecht. REVERSED SUPLEX FROM THE CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT. Cover by Joey Melton

MN: 1..2..Kick out. Max recovering as he punches Cameron Cruise. Joey forcing Jecht to his feet, Jecht Irish whipping Melton. Cameron Cruise with a low kick to Max. CAMERON CRUISE GOING FOR A SHARP CLOTHESLINE..

DT: NOOOOO!!! MAX DUCKS AS CAMERON CRUISE CLOTHESLINES THE HELL OUT OF JOEY MELTON!!!!!

MN: He practically did a backflip!

DM: Cruise is in shock, Max punches Cruise in the face, Cameron backing up Jecht is behind him as he puts him on his shoulders, Cruise is struggling. Max on the top rope.

DT: FLIPPING NECKBREAKER FROM MAX!!! BLITZ HAS JUST DELIVERED THE BLITZKRIEG TO CAMERON CRUISE!!!!!

MN: YES!!!!

DM: Cover from Max! 1.2.Joey Melton comong the the rescue. NO JECHT THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!

DT: THREE!!!!!!

SFX: Ding Ding!

TONY FATORA: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS AND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.....BLLLLLIITTTTTTTZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(CUT TO: The ring. Max and Jecht are winded, hurt and getting up as the fans start to give them a rousing mixed reaction.)

DT: What a show by Blitz. You’ve gotta think this was a bit of an upset for these two to take the titles from Sands and Troy.

DM: I think so, also. They have a high-risk style that's going to be hard for ANYTEAM to beat!

(Then there's a murmur in the crowd as someone runs through it. The kid hops the railing --)

DT: And we have a problem in the crowd! Someone just hopped the rail—

DM: I recognize him! That's August De La Rossi!

DT: He's not on our roster!

MN: But, man, do I wish he was! He's here to tell you ignorant people how to live your lives!

(August, wearing a HALIBURTON SUCKS T-Shirt with Multi-colored dreads, grabs the microphone and stands in the ring. Blitz stand across from him, titles in hand, in disbelief.)

AUGUST: (To Blitz) I'll deal with YOU two in a minute. But first, let me introduce myself to this great Empire Pro crowd in Texas! I'm August De La Rossi, and I'm this sport's hottest young superstar! You see, I was HANDPICKED to fight in this sport by its greatest superstar... TROY WINDHAM. (Crowd pop at that.) Now, don't get your hopes up, Troy can't make it tonight, as he thought it was more important to go to a Real World/Road Rules Challenge after party than to step foot in this promotion... But I am a member of his ENTOURAGE. And Troy is from Texas. Just like OUR PRESIDENT is... A man I hold personally responsible for making AmeriKKKa the LAUGHING STOCK of this planet. Thus, I hold EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU IDIOTS responsible for electing a man who propagates the bourgeois myth that oppresses us all!

DT: Oh great, just what we need, a wrestler to lecture us about politics!

MN: Shhh! I'm trying to learn! This guy's more educated than you!

AUGUST: You see, I'M SMARTER THAN YOU. (Points around the arena and ends up pointing at Blitz who are just smirking.) And I have an appreciation for the FINER things in life. You see, I am an artiste! Which is why I am here. TO EDUCATE YOU. You see, NONE of you appreciates the genius of real artists. None of you know the words of Morrissey... the lyrics of Pavement... the brilliance of The Pixies... or, most importantly... OF ME! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!

DT: Oooh! He's angst-ridden!

AUGUST: But YOU WILL appreciate my genius as I ascend to the tops of this sport with the guiding hand of Troy Windham, its greatest star! Because I... August De La Rossi... (August stares at Max and Jecht, who are just waiting for the right moment...) am the REALLLL BLITZ! It sure isn't you two KNUCKLE DRAGGING TROGLADYTES! YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN OWN A STEREOLAB ALBUM!

DT: The duo who just fought, they were just waiting for the right time, and that was it. They're now trash talking with this punk August and I hope they give him something good!

(Blitz approach August menacingly. Max grabs him by his long dreadlocks as Jecht cockily talks trash in August's face.)

AUGUST: WAIT! WAIT! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I'M SORRY!

(The crowd murmurs as someone rushes from behind and grabs Jecht from behind and closelines him, making him do a 360 backwards.)

MN: THAT'S THE MYSTERIOUS ZOLTAN! I RECOGNIZE HIM ALSO! MATTHEWS: That guy is ENORMOUS!

(Zoltan -- bald, with Z's shaved in his head, lets out a loud, primal scream. Max turns to him and hits him in the stomach with a haymaker but De La Rossi hits Max from behind with a Spin Kick.)

DT: This Zoltan guy has Max... AND now has Max and Jecht BOTH in a bear hug at the same time, squeezing them... OH MY GOD! HE JUST TOSSED BOTH OF THEM OVER HIS HEAD AT THE SAME TIME IN A BELLY-TO-BELLY!

DM: That's just pure, animalistic strength! This guy's a beast!

MN: Look at him, flexing his chest muscles upside down!

DT: Now Zoltan grabs Max and slams him... and now Jecht... and De La Rossi is on the top rope. What's this? OH MY LORD! DE LA ROSSI IS STANDING ON THE BIG MAN'S SHOULDERS!

DM: That's impeccable balance!

DT: OOOHHHH MYYY-- (The crowd erupts in a HOLY ****! HOLY ****! chant.) HE JUST DID A SHOOTING STAR PRESS OFF THAT MAN'S SHOULDERS!

MN: HA! I knew I'd love these guys!

DM: That's insane... I can't believe what moves wrestlers continuously come up with!

DT: August De La Rossi... and Zoltan... The Entourage... have made their mark already here in EPW! Dodd faces Jonathan Marx for the Intercontinental Title....RIGHT AFTER THIS!!!

 

[DBrunkGXW]

EPW Intercontinental Championship
"The Messiah" Sebastian Dodd (c) vs. "Gentleman" Jonathan Marx

(Cue up “The Touch”)

DT: Well, here comes Jonathan Marx returning to Empire after a little hiatus.

MN: Bah, tell me why he should get a shot at the Almighty Dodd after being gone for awhile.

DM: Because he was the NFW points leader. (snickers)

DT: That’s not the reason, Dean.

DM: Is your sarcasm detector broken?

MN: Well, Dodd is going to mop the floor with him.

DT: I don’t know about that. Marx is a world class wrestler.

(Cue up “Stellar”)

MN: Praise Dodd!

DT: Dodd’s looking determined here. I think he wants to prove that he’s as good if not better technically than Jonathan Marx.

DM: Well, that may be a tall order to fill. I think he can hang, but c’mon, Marx is one of the best.

DT: Dodd enters the ring and we can begin.

(SFX: Ding ding ding)

DT: They’re circling. Feeling each other out here. Collar and… no, Dodd pulls back. Tie up… no, now Marx pulls back.

DM: These two guys are no strangers to each other. I’m surprised they’d start the match off so tentatively.

DT: Now Dodd’s raising his hand. He wants… a test of strength?

DM: Dodd, man, I know he wanted to kick it old school, but this is ancient.

MN: Hey, Dodd knows what he’s doing.

DT: Marx looks a little perplexed, but he’s going to accept. We got a good old-fashioned test of strength going here, it’s pretty even right now, although Dodd does have 30 pounds on Marx. He may have the advantage here.

DM: I’m still wondering why anyone in this day and age would do a freakin’ test of strength.

DT: Well, they’re doing it, and it looks like Dodd’s got the advantage. He’s bearing down on Marx. Wait, Marx is fighting back, he’s got it back to an even keel. It’s a struggle… a struggle, Marx has the advantage now, he’s bearing down on Dodd and… the Intercontinental Champion with a knee to Marx’s gut.

DM: That wasn’t very sportsmanlike.

MN: He doesn’t have to be sportsmanlike. He’s the Eye-See Champ!

DT: Marx doubled over, Dodd in with a bulldog headlock.

DM: Well, I’ll give the Doddler his credit. He’s been crafty at the outset of this match.

MN: You’re damn right!

DT: Dodd down on the canvas. He’s got a front chancery locked in, but Marx is getting up. He twists out of the hold and sends Dodd to the mat with a crisp snap mare. Now Marx has the rear chinlock on Dodd. Dodd’s now stirring, he’s getting up and the chinlock becomes a side headlock. Dodd now shoves Marx off the ropes. Marx comes bouncing back, Dodd hits the deck. Rebound again, Dodd up, but not for long. Nice shoulder block by the challenger. Both men are up, and the crowd gives their appreciation for the sequence.

DM: Now that’s wrestling.

MN: Yes, Dodd is a wrestling god.

DM: Who just got knocked down by a wrestling titan.

DT: Both men are back up, and they’re at it again. Collar and elbow, Marx with a hammerlock. Dodd reverses it with a hammerlock of his own. Marx with one elbow to Dodd’s head, and another, and another, now a snapmare. Dodd down and Marx in with a sleeperhold.

DM: More good chain wrestling here, although Neels’ hero over here now is in a precarious position.

DT: Dodd’s getting back to his feet, he shoves Marx to the ropes. Marx rebounds with a big clothesline! This time, Dodd doesn’t get right up. Marx drops one knee, another knee… now a jumping knee across Dodd’s chest.

DM: The title’s in trouble!

MN: Bah, all you non-believers will be struck down by Dodd after the match!

DM: Well if he striketh me, I’ll sueth him.

DT: Marx back down to the canvas, he’s got a Dragon sleeper locked in. Dodd’s doing his best to get out of the hold, and Marx finally lets go, stomping Dodd in the chest.

MN: You can’t make a wrestling icon like Dodd submit that easily!

DT: Dodd slowly to his feet, but Marx is waiting for him, double arm suplex. He covers…

…one…

…two…

…Dodd kicks out.

MN: Way to early to try and pin Dodd.

DM: It’s never too early to try and get a pinfall, Neels.

MN: When you talk about the Almighty Dodd, it is.

DT: Marx is a consummate technician. He knows what he’s doing. And now, he’s got Dodd in the octopus hold.

DM: Marx loves him some submission holds.

MN: Pfft, Dodd’s not going to tap.

DT: That might not be Marx’s aim here. Marx releases the hold, and now he’s up, Dodd’s up, and… gutwrench suplex by Marx! Cover…

…one…

…two…

…Dodd with another kick out. Marx is up, he’s got Dodd in the side headlock. DD… no! Dodd blocked it… Northern Lights suplex! Dodd bridges…

…one…

…two…

…but Marx kicks out.

MN: What a reversal by Dodd! The match is won.

DM: I wouldn’t go that far, cupcake.

DT: Both men are up, Marx goes for a chop, Dodd shoves it aside and counters with a chop, two chops, three of his own. Marx staggers back, Dodd bounces off the ropes… flying cross chop! Marx is down!

MN: The fall of Marxism!

DT: Dodd down on the canvas with a cross armbreaker.

DM: Playing some of The Gentleman’s game here with submissions.

DT: Trying to wear down the former Intercontinental Champion. He’s wrenching back, Marx is trying to fight out of it… Dodd breaks the hold and stomps on Marx as he’s getting up. Dodd takes Marx, rear waistlock and… German suplex with a pin…

…one…

…two…

…but Marx kicks out.

MN: Dodd is on fire here. GO DODD!

DM: Christ…

DT: Dodd’s got Marx up and whips him into the corner. Dodd’s just strolling into the corner now. He raises his arm up in the air, and… knife edge chop!

Crowd: WOOO!

DT: And another one…

Crowd: WOOO!

DT: …and a third one…

Crowd: WOOO!

DT: …and one more! Marx falls to the canvas.

MN: Marx’s chest is bright red now. Heh, this is great.

DT: Dodd with a few stomps on Marx before picking him up. Dodd whips Marx off the ropes, rebound… he hits Marx with a big tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Marx down to the canvas again.

MN: Domination!

DM: I wouldn’t be so sure yet.

DT: Dodd’s got Marx up, and… sidewalk slam into a cover…

…one…

…two…

…Marx kicks out.

DM: Dodd’s really proving himself here, but can he put Marx away?

MN: Of course! That’s why he’s the Intercontinental Champion!

DT: Dodd’s got Marx up again. He’s setting Marx up.

MN: D-O-DDT! This match is going to be over!

DT: That’s exactly what he’s going for, and… no! Marx blocks it!

MN: Nooo!

DT: Marx shoves Dodd to the ropes, Dodd rebounds and… flapjack!

DM: The tides have turned, Neels. How about that?

MN: This is bad!

DT: Dodd’s up, Marx runs behind him, bounces off the ropes. Rebound… chop to the back of the knee!

DM: Looks like it’s time for some Marxism.

DT: Marx is sizing him up… he’s going down… Dodd moves out of the way, and now he’s to his knees. Marx down to get Dodd and… no! Dodd just wrapped him up in a small package!

One…

…two…

…three!

(SFX: Ding ding ding)

Tony Fatora: Here’s your winner, and STILL Intercontinental Champion… “Your Hero,” Sebastian Dodd!!!

DM: Well, Dodd made good, he defended his title and did so on a slick reversal. A page out of Marx’s book.

MN: Admit it. Dodd is God.

DM: I wouldn’t go that far, but he’s proven himself.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

(Fade backstage as we see Dan Ryan sitting in a large office chair behind a larger oak desk.)
(SFX: A knock on the door)

Ryan: Come in!

(We hear a pop from the crowd as Empire Pro World Champion Beast walks into the picture, a distrusting scowl on his face.)

Beast: Whattya want, Ryan?

(Ryan smiles and stands to his feet, circles and makes his way around to the same side of the desk as his champion, but still a safe distance as Beast remains but a few feet inside the room.)

Ryan: Well….I’ve come to some conclusions Marcus. Quite honestly, we’ve come down to what we in the business like to call….go time. You’ve made it clear that you want to play it your way despite my continued attempts to make you great. So there’s really only one thing left for me to do.

Beast: Yeah? And that would be?

Ryan: You wanna be Captain America and lead the brave Beast-a-maniacs into parts unknown with you on a sea of foam fingers and good feelings? Fine. I’ll make a promise to you. I won’t be involved tonight. In fact, I won’t be anywhere near the ring or do anything whatsoever to affect the outcome of this match once you leave this room.

(Beast allows a smirk to play across his lips when suddenly out of a room to the side of the room a blur flies into the shot and a large figure attacks Beast from the side. The crowd goes crazy with boos when they realize that BOOGIE SMALLZ is on top of the champion raining down lefts and rights….

Dan Ryan for his part sits back on his desk and just stares.

After a few moments of unrelenting pummeling, Smallz rises to his feet and stands next to Ryan – his chest heaving from the attack.)

Ryan: Well…. (Ryan walks over to Beast lying on the floor and stands over him)… I bet you didn’t see that one coming.

(Ryan smiles, turns, goes back to his chair and sits down – steepling his hands in amusement.)

Ryan: You see…CHAMP. This one is for all the marbles. I’ve given you every opportunity to be the sort of champion you have the ability to be. I’ve thrown you a bone in many a situation to try and allow the Beast inside to come out and play. You wanted to be a big tough guy and go it solo – so now – we’ll see how you respond when the pressure is really on – and once and for all we’ll know if you’ve got what it takes to survive in this business. Good luck out there, champ. I’ll be watching you….

(Ryan gestures to Smallz, who in turns pulls Beast to his feet, opens the door and slings him out into the hallway. Ryan smiles as we cut back to the broadcast position.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DT: Now that was absolutely uncalled for!!

MN: Remember who writes your checks, Thomas!!

DT: I don’t care who writes our checks!! Dan Ryan knows good and well that Beast has a World Title defense against Dis tonight.

DM: It’s a calculated ploy by our owner and an interesting one. He’s been trying to get Beast to be more of the kind of champion he wants representing his company, and now he’s thrown down the gauntlet. Beast is gonna have to come through in a big way tonight.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


MAIN EVENT
EPW World Heavyweight Championship
Beast (c) vs. Dis

(Cut to the ring and Joey Fatora in the middle)

TF: Ladies and gentlemen!!! This match is for one fall and is for the EMPIRE PRO WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!

(The crowd gets to it’s feet in anticipation as the buzz fills the arena.)

(It gets loud in a hurry as “Hallowed Be Thy Name” by Iron Maiden blares across the speakers. Dis steps through the curtain, head down and dark gloves on, stalking to the ring without giving the crowd much notice.)

TF: INTRODUCTING FIRST……FROM WISDOM, MONTANA…..WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED FIFTEEN POOOOUNDSSSS!!!....DIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

(A loud mixture of boos and cheers as Dis slides under the bottom rope and waits patiently in one corner.)

(Suddenly the arena erupts in cheers as the familiar sounds of monks chanting comes over the speaker. Moments later “Figure You Out” by Nickelback comes across the sound system as Beast steps through the curtain to a deafening roar, World title hanging from one arm and a cut on his forehead from his earlier encounter with Boogie Smallz. Beast scowls up at the ring, but otherwise looks none the worse for wear.)

DT: And there’s the champion, fresh off that beating at the hands of Boogie Smallz you have to think he’s got his back against the wall, Dean!

DM: Perhaps, but the man isn’t the World Champion for nothing. He looks determined as ever right now.

(Beast approaches the ring without the usual acknowledgement of the fans and simply hands the title to the referee as the bell rings.)

DT: The crowd is on it’s feet for this one and we’re underway!!

MN: Any guesses on who this Dis guy is?

DT: I’ve heard varying rumors. Some have speculated that perhaps someone like Shane Southern could be underneath the mask, although this young man looks a lot like Troy Windham to me – and with his entourage showing up tonight it seems like the perfect fit.

DM: It could be someone totally unknown that Dan Ryan discovered as well. I’ve got my own theory on the subject but I’ll keep it under wraps for now.

DT: Dis and Beast circling each other here at the outset and you know Dis has to be thinking stay away from the power of the World Champion.

DM: Well, I don’t think he can go toe to toe with Beast in the power department but at the same time Dis has shown tremendously innovative offense throughout the tournament as well as a propensity for taking to the air when necessary.

DT: As Beast sizes up Dis we have a lockup and the bigger Beast gains quick advantage but Dis rolls him over with an arm drag that sends the champion sharply to the mat!!

DM: Beast is on a knee looking up at the crouching challenger and he’ll definitely have to watch out for the quickness…

MN: Yes, beware the sneakiness.

DT: Beast back to his feet and circling once more. They lock up and once again Beast powers Dis back and this time into the ropes. Referee Jimmy Jack Grayson calling for the clean break and we’re gonna get it as Beast releases and steps backward to the center of the ring.

MN: Always the boy scout.

DM: With Dan Ryan promising to keep his nose out of his business tonight, I’m curious to see if Beast takes some of his advice and stays on the offensive here. I have to say so far it doesn’t look like it.

DT: Dis back up to Beast and they lock up one more time, this time with Dis spinning the champion around into a hammerlock! Beast swinging elbows around but Dis is ducking down skillfully behind. Dis drops to his knees and pulls Beast’s feet out from under him dropping him onto his face! Dis crosses the legs of the champ, spins around and bridges into a submission!!!

DM: Wow, nice move….

DT: Beast now pounding at the mat and trying to work his way free but adamantly refusing to give in.

DM: Way too early for that…

MN: Loafy’s most comfortable just laying out and chillin’ anyway.

DT: Dis holding the maneuver as Beast swings his left arm back and knocks the challenger off balance breaking the hold. Beast scrambling to get to his feet but Dis catches him with a dropkick to the face before he can get much higher than one knee and the champion goes tumbling to the outside!!

DM: The champion is getting more than he bargained for early in this match. The speed of Dis is causing a real problem.

DT: Beast unhappy on the outside breaks into a run and goes to swing into the ring under the bottom rope, but Dis executes a baseball slide, sending Beast to the ground one more time!!

MN: Beast is becoming intimately familiar with Dis’ boot!

DM: Aggressive! I like it!

DT: Dis hops out of the ring and follows Beast, punching him with a big right hand. Beast stumbles back against the ring barrier, Dis presses the advantage, lifting his hand and striking the other man's chest with several stinging knife-edged chops. The fans near the barricade extend their hands and pat Beast on the shoulders, cheering and offering encouragement.

MN: Encouragement and 99 cents will get you a big and tasty at the fast food joint – or else a night of lovin’ with Miss Troy….

DT: And those brutal chops to the torso of Beast!

MN: Good! Little punk deserves it.

DT: The referee leans across the ropes and yells at the two….

Ref V/O: Hey! Get back in the ring! One! . Two!

DM: There goes the count.

DT: The ref gets up to six and Dis grabs Beast by the head and rolls him back into the ring, sliding in after him. Beast gets to his knees, only to have Dis deliver a swift kick to his midsection. The champ falls on his stomach again!!

DM: Dis is fighting smart. He's picking Beast apart, trying to exhaust his energy in the early going.

MN: He's a genius, Dean-O!

DM: I wouldn't say that.

DT: Beast gets up again, but Dis kicks him one more time, sending Beast sprawling onto his stomach. Dis immediately runs to the ropes, coming back and ascending in a big leg drop, but hits nothing but canvas as Beast rolls out of the way!!

MN: The big leg drop! The big - nobody home!

DM: Damn!

DT: Both men get to their feet, with Dis immediately moving in to go for a big right hand, but Beast counters with a right of his own!!! Right hand again!! Again!! One more big right hand pushes Dis up against the turnbuckle, where he finds himself choked by Beast. The referee runs over and calls for the break; Beast releases the hold on four!!

DM: That was a bit uncharacteristic….

MN: I didn’t know loafy had it in him.

DM: Beast's trying to make a comeback here.

MN: Come on, Dis! Show him who's boss!

DT: Dis stumbles out of the corner, directly into a Beast right hand!! Marcus lands two more right hands, then whips Dis to the ropes. The whip is reversed, but Beast comes off the ropes with a jumping clothesline that sends Dis crashing to the mat!!!

DM: Oh, a huge clothesline from Beast to Dis!!!

MN: Loafy jumped!!

DM: So?

MN: I don't know, it was cool!! Like when a walrus does a somersault at Sea World….

DT: Beast grabs Dis by the head and pulls him up! Dis tries for a right hand, but Beast kicks him in the gut before hooking him up and cracking him with a big swinging neckbreaker!!! Beast swings over to cover Dis!! The referee slides across the mat and strikes the canvas twice, but Dis manages to lift his shoulders off the mat!!!

MN: He's still in this, Thomas! Woo!

DT: Beast stands back as Dis rises to his feet. Dis slaps the mat and gets right in the champion’s face!!!

MN: Come on, Dis!

DT: Dis is staring down the champion then surges forward, but Beast slips over into a side headlock on Dis…..

DM: Well, that's a basic move.

DT: Dis manages to shove Beast out of the hold, pushing him to the ropes. Beast rebounds and ducks Dis's clothesline, but as Beast bounds from the opposite ropes, Dis kicks him right in the gut. Beast goes flipping over Dis's leg and lands behind him, on his back!!!!

DM: Ouch, running kick in the gut by Dis to Beast! That's gotta smart!

MN: Yeah! Take it to him, Dis!

DT: Dis now up….he leaps up onto the ropes, springing off into a frog splash!!! He lands smack-dab on top of Beast and immediately hooks the far leg!!!

DM: What's the - The springboard frog splash!!! The frog splash right on Beast!!!

MN: Wow!!!

DT: ONE!!! TWO…..NO!!! Beast kicks out of the pin attempt and rolls over onto one side!!! Dis wasting no time as he wrenches Beast back down to the mat in another cover attempt!!! Beast again kicks out on 2!!!

DM: Another cover and he's out again!!!

MN: Two covers in a row!

DM: Beast's expending a lot of energy trying to get out of all these covers.

DT: Dis reaches down and picks Beast up by the head, punching him across the face; he suddenly grabs the champ by the waist, sets him up, and plants him with a standing spinebuster! Looks like he had a lot of trouble getting the bigger man up with that move but Dis immediately covers again!!!! – ONE!!! TWO!!! NOOO!!! At the last second Beast thrusts a fist into the air as he wrenches his shoulders off the mat and these fans are going crazy right now!!!

DM: I didn’t think he’d get the shoulder up!

MN: How can that cocky punk kick out of a quick move like that?!

DM: He's not a damn punk!

DT: Beast slowly rolls to his knees, with Dis storming over to argue with the referee. Dis thrusts his hand in the ref's face, holding his fingers to indicate he feels it was a three count; the ref holds up two fingers!!

DM: And Dis can't believe that it wasn't a three count.

DT: Suddenly, Beast sneaks up behind Dis and rolls him up into a school boy! The suddenness of the maneuver catches the ref by surprise for about a second. The official hits the mat and begins counting. One, two. Dis kicks out!!!!

MN: Thank god! I think I just had a mild heart attack.

DT: Both men get to their feet. Dis throws a big right hand at Beast, only to be countered with the champion's right fist!! Beast punches Dis a few more times, then whips him to the ropes, meeting him on the way back with a big clothesline!!

DM: There's the Irish whip and a huge clothesline to Dis!!!

DT: Dis immediately gets up, but Beast clotheslines him again! Dis gets up a third time, but Beast punches him in the face, then swings him up into a vertical suplex position, but instead drops him into a reverse neckbreaker!

DM: Ouch!

MN: Dis! Get up!

DT: Dis rolls over onto his back, inhaling deeply…… Beast runs to the ropes and rebounds back into a leaping elbow drop. The elbow drives directly into Dis’ torso, knocking the wind out of him!! Beast covers!!! Dis out JUST before the three count!!!!

MN: Oh dear God – can you imagine big loafy keeping this thing AGAIN??

DT: If you can't say anything nice, just shut up.

MN: Hey! I can be nice.

DT: Dis getting to his feet, Beast now signaling the crowd with one hand. The fans rise to their feet and pop as Beast hooks up Dis's leg in preparation for a fisherman's DDT!!!

DM: He's hooking up the fisherman's!

MN: No!

DM: This could be the beginning of the end for our trusty challenger!

DT: Dis suddenly twists and pulls Beast into a rather exotic roll-up that somehow winds up with Beast's shoulders pinned to the mat!!! Dear God!!! The ref slides over and strikes the mat twice, but Beast manages to jerk out of the cradle at the last second!!

MN: That was a weird cradle!

DT: Again, both men rise to their feet and lock up in a grapple!! Dis with a knee and hits Beast in the gut with it!! The champ keels over, Dis kicks him in the gut, then surges forward to swing him into a belly-to-belly overhead suplex but Beast reverses and sends Dis flying!! Dis catches a lot of air and winds up a good distance across the ring!!!

DM: I dunno what he was thinking there. No way he gets Beast up for a belly to belly, especially not an overhead.

DT: Beast manages to stand with the aid of the ropes, but Dis grabs him and whips him to the opposite turnbuckle. He charges full tilt at the champ, but gets a raised boot to the face for his trouble!

DM: Whip to the buckles and Beast saves himself with a boot to the face!!

MN: Got lucky, he did!

DT: Beast lunges out of the corner with a clothesline, but Dis ducks it. As Beast turns, Dis grabs him by the arm and whips him to the ropes. However, the referee is standing right there. As Beast rebounds to the ropes, his arm catches the ref in the face, knocking the official to the canvas!!!

DM: The ref is out!!!

MN: Teaches him to get in the way!

DT: Beast comes back with a clothesline, but instead walks straight into a huge superkick by Dis!

DM: OH!! That kick connected right at the point of Beast's jaw and he went down like a SHOT!!.

MN: YES!!!

DT: Dis hooks the leg and covers Beast. but there is no ref to count! Dis keeps Beast covered for about ten seconds, then releases him and now strides over to try and wake up the referee!!

MN: COME ON REF!!!

DT: Dis shaking the referee, but Beast gets to his feet and nails Dis from behind with a huge clothesline!! Dis is sent flipping over the ropes, landing near the announce table!!! Beast follows him, executing a vaulting body press over the top rope to land on the challenger!!!!

DM: Vaulting over the top rope - Beast's chasing Dis out of the ring!

MN: Pigs can fly!! And the ref's still out, too!

DT: Beast hoists Dis to a standing position, but Dis kicks him in the stomach, then drags him over and grabs him by the hair!! With a swift motion, he ploughs Beast's face into the Spanish announce table, dislodging a monitor!!

MN: Hey, wait a damn minute! Not the Spanish announce table!

DT: Beast staggers away and winds up in a corner formed by the barricade. Dis moves in, his fists balled, but Beast gets ahold of a chair and cracks Dis in the face with it, felling the challenger like a load of lumber!

DM: Did you hear the crack of that chair as it connected with Dis's skull?!?!

(SFX: the arena gives off a collective, "Ohhhhh!")

MN: Hey ref! Hey ref!

DT: Dis slowly rolling towards the ring apron, rolling one arm beneath it. Beast is leaning against the Spanish announce table to catch his breath, still holding the chair.

DM: I, uh, think the referee is coming to.

DT: The ref is indeed starting to come to, but Dis gets to his feet first. Beast notices it and swings the chair at Dis, but misses, and the two of them stumble - Beast landing against the ring steps, Dis landing against the barricade!!!

DM: These two tired, exhausted warriors trying to finish each other off!

MN: Wait, what's Dis doin'?

DM: My god, that's the ring bell hammer!

DT: Dis has gotten ahold of the hammer for the ring bell!! He steps forward, raising the hammer, but Beast nails him with a huge chair thrust to the ribs!! Dis is thrown backward, grazing his face across the Spanish announce table and we’re seeing some blood from the mask man!!

DM: Beast narrowly avoided a shot from the bell hammer and now just throws Dis back into the ring.

DT: Beast follows in after his and takes a moment to collect himself as he props himself against the turnbuckle. The crowd roaring now for Beast as he lets the challenger collect himself and get back to his feet.

DM: Nice show of sportsmanship there.

MN: I think I’m gonna be ill.

DT: Beast walking in now as Dis rises and OH!! A QUICK KICK TO THE GUT!!! DIS LEAPS TO A CORNER TURNBUCKLE…LEAPING OFF….DRAGON RANA!! DRAGON RANA!!! DIS HOOKS THE LEG!!!

DM: I DON’T BELIEVE IT!! WHAT A MOVE!!!

MN: YES!!!

DT: ONE!!!! TWO!!!........

 

[DBrunkGXW]

DT: NO! BEAST GETS THE ARM IN THE AIR AT THE LAST SECOND WITH HIS FIST CLENCHED IN DEFIANCE, AND THIS PLACE IS ON FIRE!
MN: WHAAAT?! That was SO over!

DM: Man! Beast's been like a damn battle tank through this whole thing! What power! What resilience!

DT: Dis can't believe Beast is still in this thing, but the champion just will not give up here in Houston, Texas!

DM: He's got the heart of a champion, Dave Thomas!

DT: Dis not letting up here... grabs a handful of Beast's hair and pulls him to his feet, and there's the elbow smashes to the jaw of the champion. The Irish whip... Beast with the reversal... Dis comes off the ropes, DUCKS the big lariat from Beast! Dis coming back off the ropes, and there's the flying forearm, dropping Beast to a knee!

DM: That would've put a lesser man on his back right now. Beast's in bad shape, but he's still a rock in there.

MN: He's the Immovable Object!

DT: Here comes Dis now, hooking the head of Beast... looking for a SNAP SUPLEX... He can't quite get Beast up! Looking for a DDT instead... Beast GRABS THE TOP ROPE and Dis falls back by himself!

DM: Beast's still feeling the effects of that beating and all that punishment on the outside. He's trying to clear his head when he could've capitalized and stomped a mudhole into Dis here.

DT: Beast giving his head a good shake here - finally, gives Dis a good kick and hauls him slowly to his feet. Cradles the head... reels him in for the front facelock and PULLS him up for the suplex! Rolling slowly over for the cover!

One...

TWO...

Dis with the kickout!

MN: Sorry, Loafy! Not yet!

DT: The champion is undaunted but tired as he slowly, carefully pulls Dis up off the mat... pulls him in and sends him into the corner with the Irish whip. Charges in after him, and there's the big knee lift to the sternum!

DM: That's gonna really shake up a little guy like Dis. If Beast wants to have any chance of winning he's gonna keep throwing his weight around. He's on tough footing, but if he can keep the momentum-

DT: Wait, Beast locking the arms around Dis... Backs up... BELLY-TO-BELLY!

DM: That was kind of a ponderous suplex... Beast's worn out, but he's keeping the pressure on.

DT: Dis is reeling on the canvas now... Beast slumps back in the corner, trying to gain back some of his stamina. Slowly, Dis beginning to come to his feet...

MN: Hit 'em, Loafy!

DT: Up comes Dis... Beast storms out of the corner and CRAMS Dis' face into the mat with the big bulldog! The cover!

One!

TWO!

...NO! Dis gets that shoulder up!

MN: YEAH! Eat that, Loafy!

DM: I wouldn't be so excited, Neels... Beast is picking Dis apart bit by bit here.

MN: Lies! All lies!

DT: Again Beast cradling that masked head of Dis and pulling him up to his feet... PULLS HIM INTO A STANDING HEADSCISSORS... WE COULD SEE AN ABSOLUTION! HOOKS THE ARMS... NO! Dis pulls Beast's legs out from under him and rolls over for the bridge pin! This could be over!

One!

TWO!

THREE!


...NO! BEAST KICKED OUT AT THE LAST SECOND!

MN: THAT WAS THREE!

DT: I can't believe Beast kicked out of that! What heart by the champion!

DM: That man is a TANK.

DT: Slowly Beast beginning to roll to his feet... and Dis just FLIPS OUT and starts kicking Beast in the head and upper back repeatedly! Now dropping to his knees and slugging Beast in the mouth repeatedly! The referee tries to intervene - Dis shouts him down!

DM: Dis is all fired up! He's getting frustrated at Beast's resilience and he just wants to put him away!

DM: Dis is... DISSIN' HIM! Hah!

DM: ...No.

DT: Now Dis finally pulling Beast off the canvas and backing him into the ropes, and there's the series of jabs and forearms, pushes him back and slingshots him into the Irish whip. Runs towards Beast on the rebound... SPINNING HEADSCISSORS INTO A DDT DESTROYS BEAST COMPLETELY! COVER! IT'S OVER!

ONE!


TWO!



THREE!

...NO! NO! MY GOD, HOW THE HELL DID BEAST KICK OUT?!

DM: GOD!

DT: Dis now YANKING Beast off the canvas! GOING UP FOR THE HURRICANRANA... BEAST GRABS AHOLD... THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER IT... DIS WITH THE RIGHT HANDS TO THE HEAD, AND HE HURRICANRANAS BEAST TO THE OUTSIDE BUT FALLS OVER THE TOP ROPE WITH HIM AND BOTH MEN ARE DOWN ON THE OUTSIDE!

MN: Bodies are everywhere! This is complete carnage! It's like a massacre out here!

DT: The referee's starting the count, but Beast and Dis aren't moving!

DM: Come on, come on, get up!

DT: Beast starting to stir... Dis beginning to pull himself up with the help of the ring barricade...

MN: Come on, Dis...

DT: Both men unsteadily to their feet... Dis moves first, looking to slug Beast in the jaw, but BEAST GRABS HIM BY THE WAIST AND PLOWS HIM INTO THE BARRICADE!

MN: OWWWW!

DM: That was BRUTAL!

DT: Wait a minute... Dis being hooked up by Beast... the champion SPINS HIM AROUND... BRINGS HIM UP AND OH MY GOD HE JUST SUPLEXED DIS BACK-FIRST ACROSS THE BARRICADE! SWEET JESUS, HE'LL KILL HIM!

DM: MY GOD! HE'LL CRACK HIS SPINE IN TWO!

MN: LOOK AT DIS TWITCHING!

DT: WHAT A DESTRUCTIVE MANEUVER BY THE CHAMPION! The referee's still counting! Beast picks up Dis tiredly... PULLS HIM ONTO THE APRON AND GETS INTO THE RING... SUPLEXES DIS OVER THE ROPES AND BACK INTO THE RING!

DM: Beast is just PUNISHING the challenger right now!

DT: Again the World Champion bringing his opponent to his feet... Irish whip... Dis reverses... Beast rebounds... Dis with the CLOTHESLINE BUT BEAST DUCKS AND DIS WINGS THE REFEREE!

MN: REF!

DT: Dis turning to go after Beast - BEAST WITH THE BOOT TO THE GUT! HOOKS UP DIS IN THE HEADSCISSORS! HOOKS THE ARMS! THIS CROWD IS GOING CRAZY! WE COULD SEE AN ABSOLUTION HERE - WAIT A MINUTE - SOMEONE JUST REACHED IN FROM RINGSIDE AND PULLED DIS AWAY FROM BEAST BY THE LEG - IT'S THE OTHER DIS!

DM: WHAT THE HELL?!

DT: THE SECOND DIS PULLS THE FIRST TO THE OUTSIDE! NOW HAMMERING AT THE FIRST DIS! JUST SLUGGING AWAY! RIGHT HAND! RIGHT HAND! RIGHT HAND! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!

MN: Loafy doesn't like this!

DT: Beast is FURIOUS! Starting out of the ring to break it up -

(CROWD POP!)

DT: LOOK OUT, CROSS JUST CAME OUT THROUGH THE CURTAIN AND HE'S NOW SLUGGING AT THE SECOND DIS! THE SECOND DIS DROPS THE FIRST DIS AND SLUGS BACK AT CROSS! THEY'RE GOING SHOT FOR SHOT! CROSS KNOCKS THE SECOND DIS OVER THE RING BARRICADE AND GOES OVER AFTER HIM!

DM: THIS IS CRAZY! It's an all-out heap of chaos!

DT: DIS 2 AND CROSS BRAWLING IN THE CROWD! THEY'RE EXCHANGING RIGHTS AND LEFTS, TRYING TO GET THE BETTER OF EACH OTHER!

DM: Beast getting back into the ring... He's just watching the brawl!

DT: Cross NAILS Dis 2 with the huge knee to the gut and throws him down! Going to hit him in the face - DIS 2 GRABS A BEER FROM A FAN AND RAMS IT INTO CROSS' FACE!!!

MN: They're gonna kill each other!

DT: Cross trying to recover WAIT A MINUTE THE FIRST DIS JUST ROLLED UP BEAST FROM BEHIND -

ONE -

TWO -

THREE NO BEAST KICKS OUT AND GRABS DIS AND TOSSES HIM RIGHT OUT OF THE RING TO THE FLOOR! Now he's going down after him - Slugging away at Dis! Right hand! Right hand - DIS ELBOWS BEAST IN THE GUT AND SMASHES HIS FACE AGAINST THE RING BARRIER, AND THE OFFICIAL ISN'T EVEN BOTHERING TO COUNT ANYMORE!

DM: The ref can't even control this... it's madness!

MN: And Cross and Dis 2 are STILL killing each other - HOLY CRAP CROSS JUST THREW DIS 2 FACE-FIRST INTO A WALL!

(SPLITSCREEN: Dis and Beast on the larger left screen, Cross and Dis 2 on the smaller right screen.)

DT: Beast's reeling here - wait, Dis REACHES INTO THE CROWD - PULLS OUT A FOLDING CHAIR - SWINGS AT BEAST BUT BEAST PUNCHES THE CHAIR TO BLOCK THE SHOT! DIS SWINGS AGAIN AND CONNECTS RIGHT TO THE HEAD OF BEAST -

MN: Cross is just BASHING DIS 2'S FACE AGAINST THE WALL - DIS 2 GETS AHOLD OF A MOP AND JABS CROSS IN THE GUT THEN CLUBS HIM IN THE CHEST WITH IT -

DT: Dis throws the chair into the ring! Rolling Beast in after it -

DM: Dis 2 is just WAILING ON CROSS WITH THAT MOP STICK! Cross twitching with every blow as Dis 2 just GOES TO TOWN! Drops the mop and starts KICKING THE HELL out of him -

MN: Too much at once! Too much!

DM: CROSS GRABS DIS 2 BY THE LEG AND PULLS HIM DOWN AND STARTS PUNCHING THE HELL OUT OF HIM -

DT: Dis has got the CHAIR again... Dammit, the referee needs to STOP this! DIS SWINGS - BEAST PUNCHES THE CHAIR RIGHT INTO DIS' FACE! DIS GOES DOWN! Beast looking at the chair... THE CROWD WANTS HIM TO TAKE IT... BEAST PICKS UP THE CHAIR!

MN: HIT HIM, LOAFY!

DM: HIT HIM!

MN: HIT HIM!

DM: WHY DOESN'T HE HIT HIM?!

DT: BEAST'S HESITANT! HE DOESN'T WANT TO HIT DIS WITH THE CHAIR -

(**WHAM**) (CROWD: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

DT: - DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! DIS JUST KICKED BEAST SQUARE IN THE GROIN! BEAST DOUBLES OVER IN AGONY AND DROPS THE CHAIR! DIS DOESN'T HESITATE! HOOKS THE HEAD! DAMMIT, DDT TO BEAST ON THE STEEL CHAIR!!!

MN: HAHAHAHA! YEAH!!! IT'S OVER!!!

DM: Where the HELL is Dis going?!

DT: Dis going up top! This crowd is on its feet! DIS COMES OFF THE TOP - MY GOD 450 SPLASH CONNECTS TO BEAST ON THE CHAIR!!! THE COVER! DIS MAKES THE COVER!!!

ONE!!!


TWO!



THREEEE!



...NO!!! NO!!!

(CROWD: *ENORMOUS POP!*)

DT: OH MY GOD HOW THE HELL DID BEAST GET THE SHOULDER UP?!?!

MN: HOLY CRAP THAT'S NUTS!!! THIS MATCH WAS OVER!!

DM: NO WAY! NO WAY! THAT SHOULD'VE ENDED IT!!!

DT: DIS CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! HE'S HOLDING HIS HEAD IN AMAZEMENT! HE THOUGHT THAT WAS IT!

DM: Geez, and Dis 2 and Cross are brawling through the crowd... CROSS NAILS DIS 2 WITH A CHAIR BUT DIS 2 DOESN'T GO DOWN! CROSS NAILS HIM AGAIN AND DIS 2 COLLAPSES! CROSS SWINGS THE CHAIR AGAIN - DIS 2 SOMEHOW TRIPS HIM INTO ANOTHER CHAIR!

DT: Back to the ring! Dis having some trouble as he pulls Beast up to his feet... pulling... got him! Elbow to the face! JUMPS UP FOR THE HURRICANRANA - WAIT BEAST CATCHES HIM - THEY'RE FIGHTING BACK AND FORTH -

DM: BEAST'S OVERPOWERING HIM -

DT: POWERBOMB BY BEAST WAIT NO DIS ROLLS THROUGH WITH THE SUNSET FLIP - ONE - TWO - DAMMIT DIS GRABS THE ROPES - THREE!!! - DAMMIT DAMMIT DIS JUST SCREWED BEAST OUT OF THIS MATCH BY HOLDING ONTO THE ******* ROPES AND THIS MATCH IS OVER DAMMIT!!!

(SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.)

(CROWD: *APE**** INSANE MANIAC ROOFEXPLODING POP*)

TONY FATORA: Here is your winnerrrrr and the NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW EM-PIRE PRO WRESTLING HEAVYWEIGHT CHAM-PION OF THE WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD... DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DM: MY GOD WHAT AN UPSET!!! DIS JUST STOLE THIS MATCH RIGHT OUT OF THE BLUE!

DT: AND LOOK AT THE SHOCK ON BEAST'S FACE!

(Cut to a shot of Beast sitting up. His eyes are as wide as saucepans and his mouth hangs open, disbelief etched across his face as he stares blankly into the empty space before him.)

DT: Beast can't believe it! He's completely in shock!

MN: HAH! Loafy's beside himself! He can't believe he just lost the title!

(**CRACK**)

MN: What was THAT?!

(Cut to the brawl in the crowd.)

DT: Looks like Cross just LEVELED Dis 2 with a CHAIR! Grabs the second Dis - WHEELS him face-first into a wall! Now hammering at the back of the head of Dis! Bashes his head into a service room door! Bashes it again! Pushes the door open and SLAMS Dis 2 into a service shelf - WAIT A MINUTE DIS 2'S MASK GOT CAUGHT ON THE EDGE OF THE SHELF AND GOT PULLED BAC -

DM: GET A CAMERA ON HIM GET A CAMERA ON HIM!!!

MN: WHO IS IT?!?!

DT: CROSS IS JUST STARING AT DIS 2 LIKE HE'S SEEN A GHOST - DIS 2 PULLS THE MASK DOWN AND PUSHES CROSS BACK INTO THE DOOR AND RUNS AWAY THROUGH THE CROWD BEFORE CROSS CAN REACT! Cross shakes himself off and runs after him!

DM: Who WAS that masked man?!

MN: ...Forget that! Who's the REAL Dis?!

(Cut back to the ring. Beast sits in the corner of the ring, still staring emptily at Dis. The masked man moves slowly to the center of the ring, carefully winding the belt around his waist and latching it.)

DT: Could this finally be it?! Could we finally find out who hides behind the mask?!

MN: TROY WINDHAM TROY WINDHAM!

DM: Hornet!

MN: Christian Sands!

DM: Zero!

DT: Dis reaching down now... undoing something on his shoes... Steps forward... He just LEFT THE BOTTOM OF HIS SHOES BEHIND! Lifts! Lifts in Dis's shoes!

MN: Wow, he's actually a couple inches shorter... maybe around six two, six three...

DM: Tall enough for Sands... Too short for Zero... Just right for HORNET OR WINDHAM...

DT: Dis UNBUTTONING HIS SHIRT NOW... Slides it aside... There's... there's a wraparound CHEST PROTECTOR under there... slides THAT off now...

DM: Light guy... Windham... Melton?

MN: He's really, really slim... kind of lean and sleek, really...

DM: Beast's expression just turned to STONE...

DT: Dis reaching back now... UNLACING THE MASK... Tips his head forward... AND OUT FALLS A NEST OF LONG CURLY HAIR...

DM: OH JESUS CHRIST IT CAN'T BE...

MN: NO WAY... NO WAY...

DT: DIS FINALLY DROPS THE MASK AND LIFTS HIS HEAD AND OH MY F(BOMB)ING GOD IT'S LINDSAY TROY!!! JESUS CHRIST ON A ******* POGO STICK LINDSAY TROY WAS DIS ALL ALONG AND NOW SHE'S THE NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!

MN: NO!!! NO F(BOMB)ING WAY!!!

DM: OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!! LINDSAY ******* TROY!!!

DT: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS TURN OF EVENTS, AND FROM A LOOK AT HIS FACE BEAST CAN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER BECAUSE HE JUST TURNED AS WHITE AS A GHOST AND HIS EYES ARE ABOUT READY TO BUG OUT OF HIS HEAD!!!

MN: HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK!!!

DM: I... I just... MY GOD! I would never have guessed! LINDSAY TROY!

MN: I was SURE it was Troy Windham!

DT: In all my years I've never been as shocked as I am right now! I didn't see this coming in a million years -

(CUE UP: "Zero" - Smashing Pumpkins)

DT: - And hold onto your horses 'cause HERE COMES DAN RYAN!!!

(Cut to the ramp, where Dan Ryan walks slowly out through the curtain, Boogie Smallz standing alongside him. Ryan stares down at the ring, crossing his arms across his chest... then slowly shakes his head, tsk-tsking in disappointment. Cut to Beast's face as he stares in shock at Ryan. His expression slowly begins to shift, slithering bit by bit from shocked to furious, his brows dropping into a V and his jaw tightening painfully. Finally, cut to Lindsay Troy standing against the ropes, hands crossed over the World Title as she smirks across the intervening distance between herself and Dan Ryan. A moment later, Ryan turns and departs, leaving us with a final shot of Troy smirking.)

(Fade to credits, then to black...)