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RUSSIAN ROULETTE II : Atlanta, GA - 9/18/07

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Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX

VOICE OVER: Life isn't fair. Things are not always going to work in your favor, or how you plannned them. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be...

Cut To: An image of Sean Stevens, during his "Triple X" XXXstasy days, clean cut, smiling, shaking a proud parent's hand, simultaneously kissing his baby on the forehead.

Cut To: Video footage of 'the Blue-Eyed Badass' Triple X diving off of a video-wall onto a fallen, blurred out, opponent. Injuring both himself, as well as his enemy.

Cut To: Sean nailing an opponent with his 'Factor X' superkick, on the button of the chin.

"From the moment I arrived in Empire Pro Wrestling, I've had to deal with the constant whining, *****ing, and complaining of my fellow wrestlers .... Why? Because I'm arrogant ... because I speak my mind freely ... and, may use a profanity or two to get my point accross. In two matches I had worked my way into a world title opportunity, and it pissed people off that I did EXACTLY what I said. I talked the talk, but then I backed it up, and when you can do the things that I do -- when you can tell somebody you're better than them, then go out and show them, you become vulnerable to insults to your character, dirty looks, and politics, from a fraternity of brothers and sisters, who through their dislike for you, now have something in common. But, whether I had their respect, or not, I was okay, because I always had .... You."

Cut To: Images of fans from all over the world, as a piped in "ECSTACY! ECSTACY!" chant echoed over the loudspeaker.

"You were the thing that kept me going. When I took those twenty foot dives, and felt like I could no longer stand, you helped me get back up. Your unconditional love for me, helped me become the man that would eventually go on to be recognized as one of the greatest performers this industry has EVER seen, and your support helped me dethrone KINGS, as well as kill LEGENDS. But, then you turned on me...."

Cut To: Ice Tre, dressed in baggy jeans, wife beater, and shades, with a blue rag hanging out of his back pocket, on the left side -- you guessed it, the Crip side.

Cut To: Tre punching Sean Stevens in the face, revealing the brass knuckles on his fist, only after Trip is out cold.

Cut To: Trip nailing Tre with a steel chair at the end of their King of the Cage semi-finals contest.

Cut To: The audience, once more, this time booing Triple X out of the building.

"And, because of that .... now, I fight for myself."

The scene cuts to Triple X, standing in front of an EPW Russian Roulette backdrop, dressed in his 'go-time' gear, as if he were seconds away from wrestling, instead of in the main event. The camera zooms in close.

"And, now my life is easy. I don't have to sign your stupid autographs, or kiss your retarded babies, or acknowledge those ugly ass signs that you create in the crowd. I am Sean 'Triple X' Stevens. I am the Greatest Wrestler on the Planet, the 'Blue-Eyed Badass', and the undisputed 'Champion of Planet Earth'. I am a wrestler, I am a fighter, I am a warrior, and the 2007 King of the Cage."

".... and, when the night is done? I'll add one more title to my resume, EPW World Heavyweight Champion."

"Deal with it."

The scene slowly fades to black…..and then…..

The opening drumbeat and guitar riff of “The Beautiful People” by Marilyn Manson plays….

Every successive downbeat shows a flash of a highlight from EPW….

Beast with Christian Sands in the Judas Cradle….

Karl Brown hitting the Dragon’s Bite on Sebastian Dodd…..

JA hitting the Karelin Driver on Cameron Cruise….

Joey Melton with the figure four leglock firmly entrenched on a screaming Slambo the Clown….

Lindsay Troy with triple moonsault from a ladder to the ropes and finally down onto Troy Windham on the arena floor…..

Sean Stevens hitting a hard superkick on Ice Tre…..

Then, one final drumbeat……

And a really cool logo will be here on the website version.


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX


Slowly, the blackness fades into the image of “The Ego Buster” Dan Ryan standing alone in the dark scene with no other fanfare.

Ryan: “Welcome to Empire Pro’s Russian Roulette 2007. As you may or may not know, tonight is a celebration. Not only is it a celebration of the best that professional wrestling has to offer, but it is a celebration for Beast and by proxy….Irishred.”

“You see, tonight in this arena you will witness the end of an era – an era that started with a bang and will end with a thud. Tonight is the last night in the era of the Irishred regime. Six months ago, Irishred with the assistance of Marcus Westcott, better known to you as Beast….won the right to control EPW for six months. Tonight, those six months expire.”

“Irishred’s ill-fated attempt to destroy EPW failed miserably because he’s weak, because he lacks the proper foresight and because he could not forsee that I would remove him from the occasion as soon as he came into power. As a result, I had him put on the shelf months ago and you’ve seen neither hide nor hair of the man since. You will also….never see him in an arena during an EPW event or in an EPW ring ever again.”

“Now, in his stead Beast has fought the good fight for his friend from….A1E.”

“Tonight, it all comes to an end. On Aggression next week, power officially reverts to my control and tonight – Beast enjoys his last shot at freedom…..before I make his life a living hell.”

“Tonight, it ends. Next week, EPW……strikes back.”

Fade out…..and to the broadcast booth.


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Welcome - Stalker vs. Dahaka

The crowd roars as we focus in on Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews at ringside….

DT: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia!! I’m Dave Thomas along with Dean Matthews and Mike Neely and as our esteemed soon to be once again owner just said….this is Russian Roulette!!

DM: Indeed Dave and what a show we’ve got tonight…but what do you think Mr. Ryan meant by EPW striking back?

DT: Well it’s certainly no secret that things have been upside down around here for a while now ever since Irishred won the right to control the company from Ryan six months ago. Apparently, the boss has some retribution in mind.

MN: [snoring]



DM: You idiot.

DT: Neely, you mind taking your naps when we’re NOT live on pay-per-view?

MN: Dammit. I was just gettin’ to the good part, too.

DT: Well ladies and gentlemen, before we get going we’ve got some video from backstage…and then it’ll be up to the ring to Tony Fatora as Stalker and Nakita Dahaka get us going.

[Scene fades in to Jason Reeves' locker room. Sitting in the corner with a towel over his head, Jason is breathing heavily to himself. In his lap in front of him is a video tape. Delroy looking on from across the room is simply shaking his head.]

Delroy: Boss.. man it was years ago. Years ago.. No one knows about what happened except a few key people... Hell I barely even remember that match.

[Jason looking up from under the towel draped over his head stares at Delroy with an angered look on his face.]

Stalker: I remember... I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED. He was the beginning of my **** hole life that I have right now. Rocko will pay dearly for what he has done to me and what has transpired since his so called victory over me.

Delroy: You've got a match tonight, boss...

Stalker: YOU... you don't think I remember that? I'm opening the damn show, of course I know I have a match.

Delroy: Well focus on that instead of Rocko. Seriously, this will get you into trouble man.

Stalker: Screw that, screw all of it. Rocko, Kin, Nakita.. it doesn't matter who…..They are all in my ****ing world now and because of that each one of them will pay for their parts that they play in my current life.

[Shaking his head Delroy just looks at the ground and shrugs. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out his cellphone and heads out the locker room door.]

Stalker: They all will pay in due time, and Nakita that time is coming up in less then twenty minutes. I hope you’re ready to get shown that there’s no such thing as a devil.... in my world.

[Jason shoves the camera away and the screen fades to black.]

["Did my time" by Korn blares over the speakers as black hits the big screen. Stalker walks out slowly staring at the ring cracking his knuckles as he makes his way down the ramp. In his usual street attire he slides under the bottom rope and gets ready for his match.]

TF: This matchup is for one fall…..introducing first…..from Seattle, Washington and weighing in at two hundred twenty four pounds…..STALKER!!!!

MN: Who is this guy again?

DM: Wrestlestock... ring any bells?

MN: No?

DM: Whatever....

[“Gently” by Slipknot starts up and the lights go down. Fog slowly billows from the top of the ramp as a spotlight flickers from above. A video of Nakita Dahaka plays as she walks down the ramp staring at Stalker who's standing in the middle of the ring doing the same to her.]

TF: And his opponent…..from Phoenix, Arizona….weighing in at one hundred eighty-five pounds…..”THE DARK PHENOM”…..NAKITA DAHAKA!!!!!

DT: This is definately going to be one hell of an interesting match.

MN: You got that right.. That Nakita girl she's going to tear that curtain jerker Stalker apart.. piece by piece.

DM: Well if we learned anything from Wrestlestock it's this.. Stalker will not just lie down for anyone and I doubt that he'll lay down for Nakita after their words over these past few weeks.

DT: We are about to find out as Nakita and Stalker are staring each other down in the ring.... and the bell rings! Stalker and Nakita are just staring into each other's eyes. Neither of them are flinching..

MN: Oh god.. don't tell me they fell in love?!?

DM: I doubt it, Mike. I think this is more along the lines of who will be the first to act.

MN: If Nakita goes in for a kiss i'm going to throw up.

DT: Mike... Whoa! Stalker just turned around for a split second before coming back with a massive right hand right across Nakita's face.

DM: Yeah that caught me by surprise as well.. Nakita is slightly shocked as she stumbles back and Stalker storms at her with another right hand to the face.. and another.. and another! She is reeling against the ropes now and Stalker is just wailing away with punches to the face and gut.

MN: I'm telling you guys those are love taps for sure.

DT: Well if they are Stalker is getting angry that she is not falling to the mat as she is just taking the beating... finally Stalker knees her in the gut and she doubles over and Stalker drills her in the back with an elbow sending her to the mat.

DM: He picks her up by the hair and slings her into the ropes.. Stalker charges in for a clothesline and connects! She's laid flat on her back as Stalker bounces against the ropes and comes back with a knee to the gut. He picks her up by the hair again and is yelling at her about something.

MN: He just said 'If you tell me you love me i'll stop'

DT: Umm.. he just said welcome to my world..

MN: Same thing...

DT: Whatever.. Stalker flings her into the turnbuckle and comes charging in with a body splash! She stumbles out of the corner and Stalker quickly hooks her.. RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP... still holding on.. what's he doing?

DM: He's lifting her back up still in the same hold... and executes ANOTHER russian leg sweep.. he rolls around again lifts her up and ANOTHER! Wow.. I don't think i've ever seen rolling Russian leg sweeps before.

MN: It's Stalker's calling card for showing he is in love.

DT: Mike.. seriously it's getting annoying. Stalker lifts her up once again and hooks her leg.. Fisherman BUSTER! Stalker drapes his arm over her chest for the count... 1....2....NO! Nakita kicks out!

DM: Stalker is upset by the count and seems to be arguing with the ref... Stalker pushes the ref back and is yelling in his face to pay more attention..

DT: He should be the one paying more attention as Nakita is crawling up behind him.. and nails him with a low blow!! The ref didn't even see it!

MN: Guys... what have I been saying and what did she just grab for?

DM: You have got to be kidding me! MIKE SHUT UP ABOUT THEM BEING IN LOVE! MORON!

DT: Nakita is struggling to get to her feet after being on the other end of a variety of viscious moves. Stalker is still on his knees doubled over in pain and Nakita is going to take advantage of it as she delivers a stern kick to his gut!

DM: It flips Stalker over and she quickly picks him up by his arm.. hooks his head.. LIFTING DDT! She flips him over and runs against the ropes nearest him... jumps on them.. SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! A surge of energy is running through her now.

MN: Uhh huh!

DT: Yes she is definately not feeling the beating she took early. Nakita lifts Stalker up.. Suplex! She has him set up right in front of the turnbuckle and she notices the oppurtunity and climbs up.. sets it up... ANOTHER MOONSAULT!

MN: You know.. seeing her like this she actually looks pretty hot.

DM: *Silence*

DT: *Silence*

MN: Guys do I have to do the commentating now?

DT: No that's okay Mike.. She is working away at Stalker now with several elbows to his midsection. She hooks his arm.. whips him into the ropes.. he comes back.. SUPERKICK! Stalker is laid out! She hooks his leg for the pin... 1....2....3NO! Stalker barely escapes from the pin.

DM: Wow.. I thought.. that kick.. damn that had to take alot out of him.

DT: I agree.. and it looks to be the case as she is trying to lift him up but he can't even stand on his own.. She grabs his head and hooks his leg.. lifts him up.. WOW She's holding him up the in the air for the standing suplex... she's letting all the blood drain to his head..

MN: Yeah well.. every love relationship has a hate relationship as well.

DM: WHAT IS SHE DOING! Nakita didn't drop him in that suplex she has just draped him over the top rope and he is barely standing on the outside edge of the ring. She pulls her hand back and SLAPS him across the face.. Stalker shakens after that slap his head half snapping up..

DT: She lays some punches into him and he's reeling back holding onto the ropes to keep himself from falling to the outside.. Nakita rushes against the other ropes bounces off of them charges at Stalker and SPEARS HIM OFF THE EDGE OF THE RING!! Stalker goes flying into the guard rail and Nakita is laid out on the outside as well!!

MN: Wow.. maybe he didn't buy her a Valentine's gift this year.

DM: Stalker and Nakita are both not moving.. the ref is starting the 20 count.. and neither of them are getting up yet.

DT: This could possibly be the end of the match right here.

DM: I don't think so.. Nakita is starting to stir and she is getting up to her feet slowly... Stalker is still motionless as he lays against the guard rail. Nakita.. on her feet picks Stalker up off the ground and slides him into the ring.

MN: She could've just let him sit out there and get counted out but.. her love for him still shows strong as she wants him to have a chance here still.

DT: I don't think he has much of a chance after what just happened and she looks to feel the same way as she hooks his leg.. 1......2.....3NO! Stalker at the very last split second gets the kickout. Nakita looks absolutely shocked.

DM: I would be too.. Nakita picks up Stalker slowly as she is still groggy after spearing him out of the ring and she slings him against the ropes she charges at him with a clothesline which he ducks! He spins around as she comes bouncing back off the ropes and DROP TOE HOLD!

MN: WHY WOULD HE DO THAT! He just smashed her face into the mat.. that could prove to be damaging to her good looks!

DT: You are truly crazy Mike.

MN: I know.

DM: Stalker is not able to capitalize yet as both competitors are lying face down in the ring. Wait... Stalker is up to his knees now.. and so is Nakita.. it's a race to see who can get up first.. Stalker... Nakita.. they both are up at the same time... they spin around and are face to face with one another!

DT: They are exchanging blows in the middle of the ring.. neither of them backing down from the other's pucnhes. Nakita blocks one of Stalker's incoming blows and knees him in the gut! He doubles over and she runs against the ropes comes in with a knee and... STALKER HOOKED HER LEG LIFTED HER AND SLAMMED HER FACE FIRST INTO THE MAT!

MN: Okay.. okay.. maybe they aren't in love.

DM: You think?

MN: Yeah.. cause Stalker wouldn't want to destroy his partner's good looks like he's trying to now.

DT: He looks to be doing more then that as he picks her up off the mat. Hooks her.. FRONT FACE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Her head snapped back violently after that move!

DM: Stalker picks her up by the hair on her head and screams loudly into her ear.. and NAILS her with an elbow across her back and now a KICK to her gut. She stumbles back and is taken down by a viscous drop kick to her knee! Stalker lifts her up again... hooks her from the back.. BACK SUPL... NO! She flips down behind him.. spins Stalker around.. kick to his gut.. hooks him.. RUNNING POWERBOMB TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!!!

MN: Oh my god.....

DT: well.. umm.. wow.. Nakita looks.. like a damn devil right now her eyes are focused right on Stalker as he lays motionless outside of the ring... the ref is blocking her attempts to go out and finish him off... finally she shoves him out of the way and hops down outside of the ring.. The ref starts the count as she.. with a crazy look in her eyes... scoops Stalker hooks and WHIPS HIM INTO THE SIDE OF THE RING!

MN: Damn.. she just needs to get him in that ring and cover him there is no way he can recover from what she just did to him.

DM: I think she wants to make him suffer just a bit more.. she slowly picks Stalker up slamming him a few times in the gut with her knee and then slides him into the ring. It looks like it's over for Stalker..

DT: She seems to feel that same way.. she picks him up by the arm and holds it as she begins to climb the turnbuckle.. she walks across the top ropes holding his arm as she does.. and she leaps... hooks him.. TORNADO DDT! That's it.. it's done for... she hooks the leg.. 1......2......3NO!!!!!!!


DM: I have no idea how Stalker kicked out of that move.. it was over.. no way.. I can't believe it...

DT: This is the same man that we thought was dead during that match with Hiroshi at Wrestlestock.. You can not underestimate him... and now finally it looks like she is going to try and finish him off... Nakita has Stalker by his head now.. she's going to the corner and Stalker with a burst of energy charges her into the corner turnbuckle!! She's dazed in the corner and Stalker spins her around.. kicks her in the gut.. hooks her.. EVENFLOW DDT!! He hooks her leg... 1.....2......3NO!!! SHE KICKS OUT!

MN: Wow.. isn't that supposed to be like his finisher that she just kicked out of?

DT: Yes it is.. and it's finished off many in the past.. but tonight at that moment it wasn't enough to put the Dark Phenom down.

DM: Yeah.. Stalker just hasn't had the upper hand that much during this match and the move caught her off guard for sure but just wasn't enough to finish the job. Stalker is visibly upset by this.. yelling at the ref again.. this time however he quickly turns his attention back to Nakita... lifting her up and grabbing her by the hair it looks to be.. wait.. he sets her up... oh my god! CRADLE PILEDRIVER!

DT: He just executed the PHENOM DROP on Nakita.. Frankie Scott's finishing move and now Stalker again hooks her leg... 1.....2.......3NO!!! AGAIN SHE KICKED OUT!

MN: That' just.. unbelievable...

DM: Stalker is enraged with himself.. he doesn't know what the hell to do to put her away.. he is standing their looking at Nakita.. confused..

MN: Well if he stands their long enough and doesn't captilize then she is going to take advantage of it..

DT: I don't think that's going to happen.. and Stalker looks to have a plan now he picks her up.. grabs her by the head.. oh boy.. he's headed for the corner.. I think.. yes.. he going to try for Nakita's Dragon snap.. he's up on the first buckle.... no.. wait.. Nakita holds him in place.. grabs his leg.. stumbles back and Stalker gets flipped over behind her.. she spins around to captilize and Stalker kicks her in the gut.. EVENFLOW DDT AGAIN!!! HE hooks the leg.. 1......2.......3!!! Stalker wins!!

DM: Amazing.. it took all of that in the end to put her away and wow..

MN: Yes it was quite amazing.. and now Stalker is standing over her looking at her.. is that love I see in his eyes!??

DT: Mike shut the hell up.. it's respect from what it looks to me.

[Stalker shakes off the ref trying to raise his hand and exits the ring.]

DT: I'm told we have an advertising spot now? Let's go to that...


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Who Will Buy...this Beautiful Morning! Or...T-shirt!?

CUTTO: An awkwardly filmed and grainy video plays – an overanxious short little guy talks excitedly while holding t-shirts….he looks a litte like…..yep, it’s Beastlet.

Beastlet: “For tonight only as a special during Russian Roulette call now and you can get these all new t-shirts made especially for our loyal fans!! As you see, they’re all of the highest quality and they’ll likely to go fast! Let me just show you a few!”

Beastlet holds one up that reads in big block letters “Gay-1-E”

“Or how about this one!”

Beastlet holds up another showing a smiling Beast posing for the camera and next to him are Richard Simmons, Liberace and Andy Dick. The images of Liberace and Andy Dick are hologram printed, where if you move slightly you see the appearance of them nodding their head and pointing at Beast, while there is a speech bubble pointing to Richard Simmons that says inside “Dude, you are SO gay”

“And finally this one!”

Beastlet holds up one more depicting a scene from Austin Powers, specifically Dr. Evil’s volcano lair, with Nathan Houston as Dr. Evil complete with pinky up to his mouth, Beast as Number One with eyepatch, Duchess as Frau and Andy Gilkison as Scott, with angsty look and general out of placedness.

“Call now!! Operators are standing by!!”


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Tre to stay?

[CUTTO: The broadcast location. Neely thrusts his arms out anxiously.]

MN: We're back!

DT: Very astute, Neely.

MN: Well, thank you very much!

DT: That was sarcasm.

DM: Clearly sarcasm, Mike.

MN: ...oh. Well, you’re just mad that I’m getting one of those t-shirts for free and you’re not, because they’re freakin’ awesome and you’re stoooo-peeeed.

DM: [eyebrows raised] You’re getting a free t-shirt?

MN: [shoulders slump] Actually, no.

DM: HA!! Dork.

DT: Ok guys……Kenny Lombardo is backstage where, we are told, he is awaiting the arrival of a performer who's EPW future is in question. Kenny?

[CUTTO: Just outside the arena, young Kenny Lombardo stands poised and prepared. He nods his head attentively and gestures behind him after quickly checking his watch.]

KL: Thanks, Dave. At any moment, he will arrive.

[A moment passes. Still nothing behind Kenny.]

KL: Word has it that for the first time in over 2 months he is medically cleared to wrestle, cleared to compete in an Empire Pro ring. He is, however, not booked to WRESTLE tonight at Russian Roulette 2007. He is Ice Tre ... and his contract will expire tonight. Unless...

[Finally, a stretch white Escalade glides into view. The front license plate reads: "T R E".]

KL: This has to be him!

[The driver hops out and promptly opens the passenger door. No smoke rolls out. No array of breath-taking beauties staggers from the mammoth luxury conveyance. Just Ice Tre. He adjusts his junk with a smirk as Lombardo approaches. Dressed in a stark-white genuine immitation mink fur coat, a white doo-rag beneath a black, lint-free fedora, and his ever present massive layer of chains around his neck, Tre slams the door behind him with much fanfare. He barely acknowledges Lombardo when he reaches his side.]

KL: Ice Tre! Tonight ... is the night! Russian Roulette; the Ultimate Gamble! Will you live to see another day here in EPW? Have you or your representation made ANY ground on your contract negotiations? Anything at all to report?

[Tre adjusts his fedora with what HAS to be a touch of style.]

ICE TRE: 'Anything to report?' You fo' real? I gotst a HUGE scoop, 'Bardo! I got the scoop of the century! I'm gonna break some SICK news right-about-now. Err'body talkin' 'bout Ice tre. Half the fans're wonderin' if The Tre gon' be resigned by Dan Ryan ... or Irish Red ... or Anarky ... or Beast. The OTHER half is wonderin' who the hell is RUNNIN' thangs in this piece! ... Speculation is off the HOOK in HOT-lanta!

[Cheap pop that Tre takes a bath in.]

ICE TRE: Well, allow me -- Ice Tre - above all others - your sisters AND your brothers -- to drop this pearl of knowledge on the world. I came here tonight WITHOUT my representation. I came here tonight WITHOUT my entourage. WITHOUT my peoplez. Never scared, never 'fraid. I came here tonight to DEMAND a contract extension. To DEMAND the respect that I have undoubtedly EARNiFIED from my peers AND the fans in Empire Pro. 'Bardo, let me axe you a question.

KL: Please do.

ICE TRE: When was the last time you got some ASS?

[Kenny instantly blushed over, eyes darting around nervously.]

KL: I, uh ...

ICE TRE: STOP! It don't mean SH_T!. And neither does my contract. The Ice Age will live on, no matter WHAT. But the fact remains that the EPW Suits are CLAMORIN' for Ice Tre -- period, point BLANK. They KNOWZ what I mean for this sport, for the INDUSTRY. You tappin' some booty ain't worth a DAMN, Kenneth. Nobody out there cares if you be slappin' some skinz!

[Fans in attendance laugh loud enough for the vibration to reach them at the door. Kenny winces with disappointment. Tre snickers.]

ICE TRE: But EPW cares about Ice Tre!

[Crowd erupts.]

ICE TRE: And ... dammit, I care about EPW! I *care* about humiliating losers like Adam Benjamin. I *care* about makin' and breakin' every EPW telecast ... about showin' up the competition.

[Tre steps towards the camera, top lip curled awkwardly.]

ICE TRE: I CARE about PUNKING *****es. *****es like ... Sean Stevenz!

[The fans boo at the mention of Triple X's given name.]

KL: Now, can I ask YOU another question? 'Triple X' Sean Stevens has a high-profile match for the EPW World Heavyweight Championship against the defending Joey Melton and the former champion, Lindsay Troy, TONIGHT. Clearly your sights are set on Stevens. Do you plan on making you prescence known during tonight's Main Event?

[Tre couldn't harness the smile spreading across his unfortunate face.]

ICE TRE: 'Plan'? Damn, 'Bardo. Don't you know?

[Kenny shook his head, confused.]

ICE TRE: You better AXE somebody! Ice Tre Don't Plan For Sh_t!

[Fans cheer as Tre slaps Kenny on the back.]

ICE TRE: Now if you'll excuse me? I got a contract to extend.

[Tre pressed past Lombardo and stomped inside, leaving Kenny looking nervous.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Simply Beautiful vs. Cameron Cruise vs. Mystery Opponent

DT: Well that was basically pointless. We still don’t know what’s gonna happen with Ice Tre just yet….but we do have another match.

DM: I’m curious who this mystery opponent could be. I’ve heard absolutely nothing all week.

MN: Oh yeah? You’re mother heard absolutely nothing when……

DM: What??

MN: Nothing.

DM: Oh right. Idiot.

DT: [chuckling] Let’s go up to the ring!!

[“Headstrong” by Trapt hits the PA. The crowd lets out a MIXED reaction as the spotlights come to the stage. Tony Fatora stands waiting in the ring with the mic in hand.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following even is a Triple-Threat match set for one fall. Introducing first… hailing from Jacksonville, North Carolina… weighing in at 249 pounds… he is the FORMER EPW Tag Team Champion… he is… CAAAAAMMEERRROOOONNN CRRRRUUUIIIISSSEE!!!!

[Cruise steps out onto the stage and poses for the fans as his wife Mercedes appears behind him. The two stride to the ring, carrying themselves with pride.]

DT: Cameron Cruise has long been a staple to Empire Pro, and tonight, he gives the formal greeting to a pair of new talents.

MN: Bah… Melton carried this guy every step of the way. Worse yet, he RUINED the Cameron Cruise Project’s reign over the tag division! Now we got Commies, and Goths, and ex-Commies… it’s like the tag division has become a freakin’ CIRCUS!

DM: I hardly hold this guy responsible for the dissolution of the legendary tag team known as the Cameron Cruise Project… but you do have to wonder, why is Melton headlining this Pay Per View and Cruise entertaining a couple of newcomers?

MN: Do you really have to ask?

[Cruise slides into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, striking another pose. A moment later, “Stone Cold Crazy” hits the PA. The crowd begins to CHEER fanatically, many of whom recognizing the entering competitor for his work outside of the fed.]

TF: And the opponent… from Staten Island, New York… weighing in at 235 pounds… tonight, he makes his EMPIRE PRO WRESTLING debut… HERE IS… SSIIIIIIMMPLYYYYYYYY BEEEAAAUUUTTIFUUUUULLL!!!

[Simply Beautiful hits the stage and plays up to the fans, earning a decent pop! Women SWOON over his looks as he comes to the ring, looking pumped and ready for action.]

DT: Simply Beautiful makes his debut tonight… and he’s already been turning heads in other places. It’d be an understatement to say that this is a very highly-anticipated talent coming into the Empire Pro family.

MN: I hate this guy already. All I have to do is look at him. Look at how smug and pompous he is…

DM: That isn’t smug you’re seeing, Mike; it’s a guy who’s better looking at you. There’s about a million of them in the world. No, make that BILLIONS!

DT: I feel it should be important to note that Simply Beautiful is not the only man debuting in this match… but even WE don’t know who the mystery entrant in this triple threat match is, and… wait a minute, what’s this?

[The arena lights suddenly go BLACK! The crowd reacts in a chaotic frenzy!]

MN: What the hell is going on now? A power outage?

DM: Is this part of an entrance?

DT: This seems a tad unusual… wait, ladies and gentlemen, I’m being told there are some technical difficulties, and… wait a minute, we have a camera in the back right now, let’s see what’s up.

[The Empire-Tron, the sole source of illumination in the arena, lights up. Inside the boiler room, we see four men. One of them is a cop. The second, near the switch-board to the arena power unit, is a certified electrician. The other two, one young and the other aged in years, wear simply gray suits. The crowd suddenly CHEERS as Dan Ryan, flanked by two security guards, enters the frame.]

Ryan: Just what the HELL is going on here?! There’s a show going on, damnit!

[The two men in suits quickly pull out their wallets and reveal themselves to be the CIA.]

Lancaster: Agent Reginald Lancaster, and this is my partner, Agent Simmons… we’re with the Central Intelligence Agency. We’re shutting down this operation in light of a threat to national security.

Ryan: A threat to WHAT?! Listen, amigo… this is a LIVE, PAY PER VIEW EVENT. I’ve got over a thousand people in those seats and millions more watching at home. Under whose authority are you barging in here and cutting the power?

Simmons: Homeland security, *****.

Ryan: Homeland security, my ass. Just what is the problem here?

Lancaster: I’ll give it to you in brief: about a month ago, our satellites caught notice of a suspicious object that left the coast of Japan. It left the entire city of Osaka in chaos and ruin. We’ve followed its movement over the past few weeks, and it’s traversed its way across the Pacific Ocean, over Panama, and suddenly made a beeline for the states.

Ryan: And?

Simmons: We made a few estimates judging its overall speed… and realized that it would be coming to this city at this time. Seeing as how this is the biggest convergence of people, we have reason to believe it will make its presence known tonight.

Lancaster: I’m not letting these people become the victim over whatever the hell it was that nearly destroyed Osaka. This could be an act of terrorism… or even worse! You’ve got fifteen minutes to evacuate everybody from the premises.

Ryan: Are you CRAZY?! Do you have any idea how much money is being funneled into this thing! Canceling this show would cause the company to fold!

Lancaster: That’s not my concern. Lives are at stake.

[One of the security guard’s walkie-talkies suddenly crackles to life.]

VOX: “Sir, something just made its way into the building! It’s headed for the ring right now!”

“…Jesus Christ, it’s HUGE!!”

“…no wait, where are you going?! STAY BACK!! NO!!”

[We hear a blood-curdling scream on the other end.]

Lancaster: Damnit, we’re too late! Quickly, Simmons! We must intercept the target!

[The CIA Agents gesture for the cop to follow and head out of the power supply room. The camera is about to follow when it catches sight of Dan Ryan’s massive fist grabbing the electrician by the collar and pulling him within an inch of his grimacing face.]


[The camera turns and follows the Agents down the hallway. In the distance, they take a turn and approach a T in the corridor where there is a sign on the wall that reads “Entry-Way”, and an arrow pointing to the left. They turn in the other direction, and the three of them pale in unison. The camera slides in behind them, but can’t get a clear view of what lies beyond their shoulders.]

Lancaster: YOU!! STOP!!

[In an instant, the CIA Agents and their escort and BOWLED out of the way as though a Mack truck had just run them over! The camera is sent sprawling to floor, looking up at the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. Passing by the lens is a single image of the unstoppable force that just knocked it aside…]


[Cut to static.]

[Back at ringside, the lights come up again. The two competitors in the ring, patiently leaning against the ropes, now come to a ready posture and face the entry-way.]

DT: Well, it looks like the Owner Dan Ryan has finally got the show back on the road… but what is about to come out of that entry-way?


[Mike falls out of his seat and peeks meekly over the commentary table. The lights in the arena dim except for a spotlight on the stage… flanked by gold lights…]

[And then… BONG!!]

[Faces are immediately melted off as the cutting-edge riffs of the Metal God, Yngwie Malmsteen, signal the intro for a familiar tune of DOMINATION! The good half the crowd INSTANTLY pops to its feet and cheers as if JOHN LENNON had ****in’ risen from the dead and reunited with the mother****in’ Beatles! “I Am A Viking” hits the PA and the arena TREMORS as an enormous, horned silhouette appears in the entry-way like a skulking beast!]

DT: Oh…

DM: My…


And the opponent… hailing from St. John’s, Newfoundland, Canada! Weighing in at 311 pounds… HERE IS…



[EXPLOSIVE PYRO! goes off on the stage like the end of a Tera Patrick video! Stepping out onto the stage amid a WAVE of cheers is the 6’7 behemoth of ripped muscle, hair, sweat, and wolf-hide that is OLVIR ARSVINNAR! The camera closes in, literally SWAMPED in his overwhelming Viking manliness! His pectorals look as though they can only be cut by diamond! His long blonde beard would make the legendary Sampson jealous! The heavy battle-axe in his arms looks like it could cut through steel walls! And the horns on his mighty helmet stand TALL and ERECT like… well, use your imagination.]

[Practically seething with energy, the titanic Norseman valiantly makes his way to the ring, occasionally stopping so that nearby fans can touch his impervious biceps!]

DT: My God… Olvir Arsvinnar is HERE in Empire Pro!

MN: …who?

DM: He was big in the Las Vegas scene, Mike. I’m surprised you’re not aware of that since you’re there nearly every other weekend…

MN: So I’m in the hole a couple grand… I’ll dig myself out. So what, is this guy a Viking? Didn’t EPW already see that with Hans the Incontinent Viking?

DT: Well, technically, I think Arsvinnar’s a Viking PORNSTAR!

MN: Oh, THAT guy!

DM: Now he recognizes him… after you mention the porn.

[Olvir graces the ringside area, mounting himself to the apron, and stepping over the entire set of ropes as he enters. He immediately goes to the turnbuckle and rises to the second rope, raising his battle-axe HIGH into the air and taking a hearty swig of his mighty MEAD HORN, and lets out a bellowing ROAR that nearly deafens the crowd in all of its manly mightiness!]

DM: This guy is the living embodiment of a Ronnie James Dio song.

[As his music ends, Olvir sets aside the axe, horn, wolf-hide shawl, and his proud helmet. He spends a few more moments flexing for the audience… and turns to his opponents, where he proceeds to TAUNT them with a big showing of his bulging muscles!]

DT: I doubt either of these guys saw this coming.

MN: Neither did I. I nearly crapped my pants back there…

DM: Judging by the smell, I’d say that you DID crap your pants.

DT: No, that’s just the aftershave.

MN: You know what? **** YOU GUYS!!

[The ref makes his final checks on all three individuals… the crowd has begun an “OLVIR! OLVIR!” chant! With everything in place, the ref cues the bell, and the match begins!]

DT: The referee rings the bell… and Cameron Cruise starts things off by making a beeline for Olvir Arsvinnar, and meets him with a running DROPKICK to the chest! Err… that went nowhere.

DM: It was like he jumped into a brick wall! Olvir hardly looks phased from that blow, and Cruise is left on the mat, where Olvir lands a BIG STOMP to the sternum!

DT: Here comes Simply Beautiful to join the action… grabbing Olvir around the waist, but Arsvinnar delivers a back elbow to his face to keep him at back! Olvir with the advantage… turns around, and scoops up the stunned Simply Beautiful and puts him on his BACK with a Scoop Slam!

DM: Cameron Cruise back on his feet… he hits the ropes for a bit of leverage this time, and comes at Olvir with a clothesline—but Olvir CATCHES him by the arm and SLAMS HIM with a Sambo Suplex!

DT: The Viking Pornstar is making a very dominant debut.

MN: “Domination” is practically this guy’s middle name.

DT: Olvir lifts Cruise off the mat while SB keeps his distance…

DM: Smart thinking. Let the big juggernaut do the work for you, and as soon as he’s exhausted, jump on your chance to take him down.

DT: Arsvinnar takes Cruise by the arm, and there’s the whip to the ropes… Cruise returns, and gets PASTED to the mat with a DEVASTATING Powerslam! Olvir hooks the leg for the cover!

One… Two… and Simply Beautiful quickly breaks it up with a boot to the back of the big man’s head!

MN: You can only sit back and watch for so long, the way Olvir’s wiping the floor with Cammy’s face…

DT: SB keep the pressure on Olvir with a series of punches to the head as he brings the Norseman to his feet… there’s the front-face lock… follows through with a SWINGING NECKBREAKER that puts Arsvinnar to the mat!

[The crowd BOOS!]

DM: The fans didn’t seem to like that… I think they were pumped to see Olvir squash the competition.

DT: Simply Beautiful’s letting them know that he isn’t going to let HIS debut be overshadowed! He quickly hits the ropes… an ELBOW DROP to the sternum leaves Olvir groaning! And now he goes to Cameron Cruise, who is back on his feet! SB with a sidekick—but Cruise catches him by the foot…

DM: And Simply Beautiful follows through with a SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL Enziguri!

MN: That allusion was simply bone-headed, Dean.

DM: The quivering of your hair plugs tells a different story, Mike.

DT: SB takes ahold of Cameron Cruise around the waist before he can rise off the mat… hoists him over… and NAILS HIM with a Gutwrench Backbreaker! He quickly makes the cover!

One… two… WHOA!!

DM: Olvir just YANKED SB off of Cruise… and now he brings him to his feet and takes him by the neck… LIFTS HIM UP… and drives him DOWN with the Two-Handed Chokeslam!

Crowd: “OLVIR!! OLVIR!! OLVIR!!”

[Olvir goes to the ropes and ROARS, getting a HUGE pop from the crowd!]

DM: This guy really knows how to work a crowd… perhaps a little more than he knows how to work an opponent!

DT: Olvir better focus back on the competition, as Cameron Cruise is back on his feet and sneaking up on him from behind… and he goes for the LOW BLOW!!

MN: OOH—uh, wait?

DM: It hardly PHASED him!

MN: That guy’s got balls of steel!

DT: Olvir turns around, and takes Cameron Cruise by the hair… but Cruise fights back with a SHOT to the face, and Olvir staggers into the corner… Cruise turns around, and SB, back on his feet, hits the ropes and LEVELS HIM with a Flying Lariat!

MN: Where did HE come from!?

DM: Simply Beautiful is showing an awful lot of gusto here in his debut! Olvir may be getting the crowd on his side, but SB is really showing some chops in the ring! He brings Cruise back to his feet… takes him by the arm, and there’s the Irish whip into Olvir in the corner—

DT: But Olvir comes ROARING out with a clothesline that nearly DECAPITATES Cameron Cruise!

MN: Damn… Cameron’s getting his ASS kicked in there! Has he been boozing for the past month, or something?

DT: SB coming after Olvir… Arsvinnar goes for the BIG BOOT—but SB DUCKS, jumps to the ropes… and NAILS an unsuspecting Olvir with a Springboard Elbow!

DM: WOW!! Simply Beautiful took the big berserker down with that one!

Crowd: “ESS BEE!! ESS BEE!! ESS BEE!!”

DT: Simply Beautiful, gaining the favor of the crowd as he takes control of the squared circle… Olvir Arsvinnar makes it to his knees, but SB is on top of him… there’s the leg-scissor head-lock… lifts him upside-down, and HAMMERS the big man with a Piledriver!

DM: There’s the cover!



NO!! Cameron Cruise with a jumping fistdrop over the head of SB, knocking him off of the prone body of Olvir… and now CRUISE makes the cover!



DT: And Olvir PRESSES him off like he was nothing!

DM: All three men on their feet… and a THREE-WAY brawl has broken out! It’s Olvir on Cruise… Cruise on SB… SB back on Olvir, and switching back to Cruise!

MN: Looks like Sasquatch is getting the upper hand…

DT: Olvir Arsvinnar, his STRENGTH on display, knocking the skulls of Simply Beautiful and Cameron Cruises… and he takes the both of them by the hair, and smashes them together with a DOUBLE-WHAMMIE that knocks them into next Tuesday!

DM: SB hits the mat… and Olvir grabs CRUISE before he can topple over! Arsvinnar presses him UP with a Military Press!

DT: And the Viking Pornstar proceeds to PUMP HIM UP for the audience! This crowd is LIVID!!

Crowd: “OLVIR!! OLVIR!! OLVIR!!”

DT: Olvir TOSSES Cruise off, and he comes down onto SB—but Simply Beautiful ROLLS out of the way at the last moment! Cruise fell face-first on that mat, and he looks to be in bad shape!

DM: Simply Beautiful springs to his feet and comes at Olvir… Arsvinnar going for a back-body drop, but SB LEAPFROGS to the other set of ropes… SB comes back, and Olvir catches him for a SPINEBUSTER—but SB COUNTERS with a Tornado DDT!!

DT: SB up in an instant… he goes to the corner… WOW!! What a TRIPLE-JUMP MOONSAULT that just NAILED Olvir across the chest! He goes for the cover…



THREE—OH NO!! Olvir kicks out!

Crowd: “ESS-BEE!! ESS-BEE!! ESS-BEE!!”

DM: He’s winning this crowd over! And he might even have what it takes to defeat Olvir Arsvinnar and ruin his debut!

DT: Simply Beautiful is back up and ready for more… and now he’s going to the prone body of Cameron Cruise… and he takes him by the legs… and he’s going for the ITALIAN DEATHLOCK!!

DM: If he sinks this in, this one will be over!

MN: Is he going to have time?

DT: SB has Cruise’s legs wrapped around, and now he’s trying to get him over, but Cruise is putting up quite a fight… and Olvir’s back on his feet!

DM: Too late!

DT: Olvir Arsvinnar NAILS SB with a running Yakuza Kick and breaks the hold before he could get it in place… that kick looked like it might have ruined some of SB’s charming good looks!

DM: Arsvinnar brings him off the mat and takes him by the hair… and just DUMPS him to the outside of the ring!

DT: The reputed Butt-Dominator has the weakened Cameron Cruise alone in the ring! Now he’s getting him to his feet…

DM: Cruise can hardly carry himself! He’s a dead man walking! Olvir has him up, and Cruise goes for a sloppy right hook that the Viking ducks and spins him around…

DT: Olvir has Cruise from behind… bends him over, and reaches around his legs… Pump-Handles him over his shoulder—AND BLASTS HIM with a MASSIVE Front-Face Powerbomb!!

MN: What the hell was THAT?!

DM: A Berzerker-Bomb, if I had to give it a name!

DT: Cruise is OUT like a light! Olvir makes the cover! This has gotta be it…



THREE—OH NO, wait a minute! Mercedes Cruise just reached into the ring and yanked on the referee’s foot, interrupting the count!

DM: Uh-oh… Olvir bolting to his feet, and now he sees her!

MN: He’s got a funny look in his eye! If there’s one thing Viking’s like, it’s weak, defenseless women!

DT: Mercedes Cruise better start RUNNING! Olvir’s going to the outside… and now he’s CHASING Mercedes Cruise around the ring!

DM: Olvir’s gonna dominate that butt if she doesn’t run fast enough!

DT: Mercedes runs up the ramp and through the entry-way, and Olvir follows, grabs his helmet and axe on the way… where the HELL is he going?!

[The camera focuses on the entry-way as the Viking disappears on the stage.]

DT: …is he coming back?

DM: I don’t know, but back to the ring…

DT: Simply Beautiful is taking full advantage of Olvir Arsvinnar being away from the ring… now he’s climbing up to the apron… and up to the top rope! Cameron Cruise is still laid out, unconscious!

DM: Here we go! He’s set up!


MN: DAMN!! Talk about a rough night for Cameron Cruise… gets his ass handed to him, and his wife is likely getting her ass virginity broken in as we speak.

DM: I wouldn’t be surprised if Melton got to it first.

DT: Simply Beautiful makes the cover…




[The bell RINGS three times as Simply Beautiful rolls off of Cameron Cruise, breathing heavily. The referee helps him to his feet and raises his arm in victory as “Stone Cold Crazy” hits the PA. The crowd is chanting his name once again: “ESS-BEE!! ESS-BEE!!”]

DT: What a victory for Simply Beautiful! What a DEBUT!!

DM: I gotta say… when Olvir came out, I thought the big Viking was going to steal the show. But, he went to pursue his own interests, and Simply Beautiful comes out of Russian Roulette looking… well, go ahead and say it, Dave.

DT: “Simply beautiful,” yeah, I know.

MN: Your puns are about as witty as George W cracking a gangbanger joke at the NAACP convention.

DT: An amazing turn of events we’ve just witnessed… Simply Beautiful has made an impressive debut… “The Butt Dominator” Olvir Arsvinnar, HERE in Empire Pro… and we’ve still got one hell of a show lined up after this!

MN: If this keeps up, I just MAY crap my pants!

DM: Anything to overshadow the smell that already surrounds you, Mike.

MN: *******it, Dean, one of these days, I swear to Walken, I’m going to shove my FIST up your ass, and—

DM: Wait, wait… don’t go any further than that, please. I would rather not hear about your man-on-man fantasies that include you and I…

DT: …I would.

[Both Mike and Dean quickly LOOK at Dave, who innocently looks forward, reorganizing his information cards, and we cut out.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Call Me Cassanova

[CUTTO: Cassidy Stewart, Talent Representative for the unique performer known simply as 'Ice Tre', quietly stepped into the backstage area. He stopped a passing production assistant.]

CASSIDY: Excuse me ... could you direct me to--

[Suddenly, the PA is thrust aside by a bony, pale, ring-encrusted hand. Ice Tre bursts forward, face twisted with confusion.]

ICE TRE: Yo, Cassanova! Whatchu DOIN' here?!? Thought you was back in San D? Don't even try tellin' me you here to get me resigned--

[Cassidy holds up a cautionary hand.]

CASSIDY: Now, Tre--

ICE TRE: 'Cause I TOLD you that I GOT this. TOLD you that I had it sewed up. Handled.

CASSIDY: Hear me out--

ICE TRE: Don't even--

CASSIDY: TRE!!!!! ... You, yourself, described my job as being responible to "get you your money". Am I right?

[Tre is not given an opportunity to respond.]

CASSIDY: So .. let me do my job, Tre. Let me do my job.

[Taking a moment to appraise Stewart, Tre smirks.]

ICE TRE: Aight. Do yo' thang, 'nova. Do it up.

[Tre gently slaps him on the shoulder and marches down the hall. Surprised, Cass turns to follow him.]

CASSIDY: So ... wait. Where are YOU going?

ICE TRE: Gotst me some groupies round the way, yo. Gonna show 'em the "gorilla position".

[Stewart sighs with some relief as we FADEOUT.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Beast vs. Troy Douglas - and a sign of the *****

MN: I just love Mystery Opponents, don't you guys?

DM: What are you on about now, Neely?

MN: I mean, they're just so mysterious. You never know what you're going to get. And we got HORNS!!

DM: Wow.

MN: What??

DM: Sometimes when you speak, that’s all I can think of to say.

DT: Well, we have to keep moving forward! Up next, we get to revisit a feud from back in EPW's early days, as Troy Douglas and Beast are going to collide right here at Russian Roulette!

MN: YES! Megatron and Optimus Prime! Another battle between GIANT F[FCC]ING ROBOTS!

DM: Um, Neely, this is wrestling, not the movies.

DT: Troy Douglas...

MN: Megatron!

DT: ... is jacked up for this match, guys. He's never been able to get one over on Beast...

MN: Prime!

DT: *sigh*... in EPW, and he feels this is his night! Let's see if he can indeed conquer that mountain here tonight!

The arena lights drop to black and the piano of Van Halen's "Right Now" begins to play. White lights begin to flash all over the arena.

FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Greensboro, North Carolina... standing six-foot-five and weighing in at 260 pounds... he is... TROOOOOYYYYYYYYYYY DOUGLAAAAAAAAAS!!!!

As the rest of Van Halen joins the piano, fireworks go off on the entrance ramp, and the lights come up and the crowd pops as Douglas emerges through the curtain, saluting the crowd as he walks purposefully towards the ring.

MN: Megatron, TERRORIZE!!

DT: Folks, this match is so important to Douglas on all kinds of levels. He's never pinned Beast, even though they've met several times in the ring over the years. Douglas wants to make this an epic battle, to have the World Championship match they never really got a chance to have, but most importantly, Douglas wants to come out on top and get that 285 pound Canadian monkey named Beast off his back.

Douglas reaches the ring, and and after entering, his music fades out.

TF: And, his opponent...

The sound of monks chanting fills the arena, and the crowd lets out a huge pop.

TF: From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, he stands six-foot-six, and weighs 285 pounds... he is... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAST!!

The chanting fades into the opening guitar harmonics of Saliva's "Ladies and Gentlemen" ringing througout the arena as fog drifts across the stage. Then, as the entire band punches in, a huge red and white pyro explosion goes off at center stage. Beast steps through the fog and smoke and stands at center stage for a few moments, soaking in the crowd's cheers, before heading down the ramp.

MN: Oooooh, new music and entrance for Big Loafy.

DT: Indeed, Neely, and Beast has quite a different outlook on this match and the past history than Douglas does, and he figures it's going to be the difference in this match. Beast certainly downplayed Douglas' hype of their World Title encounter a few years ago, and regretted Dan Ryan sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. However, Beast simply claimed he had a secret weapon, and that while Douglas was counting on things to be an epic deal, to Beast it was just another match, and another challenger to defeat. Beast was going to take Troy's moment in the sun and crush it to bits. *That's* how intense these two guys are. Your thoughts, Dean?

DM: Everyone knows that both of these men have the skills to beat anyone on any given night, but right here in this match, I've got to call give the advantage to Beast. He's got a slight power edge over Douglas, but the big thing is he's got a huge mental edge, with Troy having this big Beast-sized chip on his shoulder. The fact he's never beaten Beast in countless occasions has to be weighing on him. But that's just my opinion. We'll see how this turns out. Dougas has the ability - he just needs to pull it all together.

Beast is in the ring, and the official is giving out his final instructions before backing each man into their respective corner, and then calls for the bell, and Beast and Douglas start circling each other.

DT: There's a lock up, and Douglas is trying to power Beast back to the corner, but the former World Champion is going to have nothing to do with it.

DM: Beast has got 20 pounds on Douglas and renowned power, so I don't think this is going to go anywhere.,

And Dean's right. Just a couple seconds later, Douglas breaks the hold, and both men eye each other up as the crowd starts to buzz.

DM: You have to think that both men are waiting for the other to make a mistake in this one. I just don't know when that's going to happen. Both men are top notch in this business.

DT: Both men move in to lock up again, and this time Beast grabs Douglas in a head lock. Douglas fights his way through it, and sends Beast off to the ropes. Beast rebounds and lays into Douglas with a shoulder block, but Douglas doesn't go down! He staggers back, and Beast hits the ropes one more time. Rebound, and Douglas ducks a NASTY looking clothesline attempt! Boot to the guts by Douglas, and he looks for a neckbreaker, but Beast gets the arms up and pulls Douglas over into a backslide pin!




Both men get to their feet, and Beast lands a right hand. A second right hand! A third rocks Douglas, and Beast grabs him and fires him to the corner. Beast follows him in...

DT: Big knee to the face by Douglas! Beast grabs his mouth and staggers out of the corner, and here comes Douglas! Forearm to the face.... BIG DDT and Beast is down!

MN: Take his head off!

DT: Douglas stays on Beast and pulls him to his feet. VERTICAL SUPLEX and Douglas takes Beast over hard! Douglas pulls Beast up one more time, hooks in the arm, and hoists him up again! Douglas is HOLDING Beast up in the air! That's damned near 300 pounds up in that stalling suplex!

DM: Douglas is sending a message to Beast that he can play the power game too, Dave!

DT: Douglas has Beast up.... and DOWN hard to the mat!

Beast hits the canvas hard, and bounces up, holding his back. Douglas drives a couple boots into Beast's back, before pulling him up.

DT: Whip to the ropes by Douglas, and he drops his head down for a back body drop, but it's too soon and Beast catches him with a wicked boot to the chest! Douglas staggers back, and there's one of those trademark clotheslines from Beast! Douglas is down! Beast pulls Douglas to his feet and shoves him back into the corner, where Beast starts unloading with the chops!









DT: Beast now fires Douglas across the ring to the far corner, and here comes Beast.... HUGE running clothesline into the corner! Douglas' legs are wobbling a little as he stumbles out of the corner, and Beast just caught him! CAPTURE SUPLEX and Beast just dumped Douglas almost halfway across the ring!

MN: I never want to hear "Beast" and "dump" in the same sentence again. EVER.

DT: There's a leg drop from the former Champion, and Beast now pulls Douglas to his feet. He lands a couple right hands, and a boot to the guts... there's a underhook suplex and Beast is getting fired up! Beast fires Douglas to the corner, and gets into a crouch!

DM: 1 Gore with a side of broken ribs coming up!

Beast explodes out of the crouch...



MN: How does THAT feel, eh, Loafy? Feel GOOD, don't it!?!?

DT: Beast stumbles back out of the corner, and Douglas takes him over with a bridging German suplex! There's the count!





Crowd: Pop!

DM: That wasn't so much a devastating maneuver as it was one designed to take advantage of Beast being stunned and capitalize on that! BRILLIANT piece of wrestling from Troy Douglas, spotting that opportunity like that!

DT: Douglas has Beast back on his feet... and a Scott Steiner-like belly to belly suplex plants the former Champion right back down!

MN: Does anyone know how cool it is to be here right now and seeing Loafy get tossed around like this?

DM: Douglas is certainly well versed in all kinds of suplexes, and he's big and strong enough to take it to Beast!

DT: And another belly to belly by Douglas! He goes for a pin!




DT: But Beast isn't ready to call it quits yet! Douglas pulls him to his feet, and whips him to the ropes. Beast rebounds... BIG CLOTHESLINE from Douglas, and Beast goes down! There's another pin from Douglas!




Crowd: CHEER!

DT: And again Beast kicks out! Douglas pulls Beast to his feet and hits a European uppercut, and that sends Beast back a couple steps. Douglas whips Beast to the ropes again... Beast rebounds and DUCKS under a right hand from Douglas... Beast hits the far ropes, and a FLYING FOREARM levels Douglas!

MN: NO!!

DT: Both men are down!

DM: A desperation counter does the trick this time, but let's see who gets up first and can take over!

DT: I don't think this crowd really cares who it is, as they're just cheering both men on right now! They just want them to get up and give them some more action!

DM: And both guys are slowly getting to their feet, Thomas!

DT: That they are! They've both up now... Douglas charges Beast, but Beast catches Douglas coming in and plants him with a spinebuster! Beast takes a few more moments to shake out the cobwebs, and gets back to his feet. He pulls Douglas up, and a series of right hands staggers Douglas! A whip to the ropes, and Douglas rebounds... a POWER SLAM drives Douglas into the mat, and Beast makes a cover!




Crowd: CHEER!

DT: Beast drops a leg across Douglas' chest, before getting up and pulling Douglas up as well. Beast gets Douglas into a standing head scissors... OOOH MY! What a piledriver from Beast! But he's not going for the pin!

MN: What a moron!

DM: Nah, Beast just wants to make sure he really puts Douglas away! He knows what Douglas is capable of!

DT: Beast pulls Douglas to his feet, and gets him in a standing headscissors one more time... there's the pumphandle, Absolution 2K4 coming up... NO!!! Douglas slips behind and pushes Beast to the ropes, they come off the ropes, and Douglas rolls Beast up!




DT: Both men get to their feet, and Beast takes Douglas' head off with another clothesline! And Beast signals for it... he starts wrapping up Douglas' legs, and this crowd is buzzing... Judas' Cradle coming up, but NO! Douglas immediately scrambles to the ropes! Beast breaks, and as soon as Douglas lets go of the ropes, Beast is right back on him with a couple stomps, and now he's looking for a sharpshooter, but Douglas pulls him down into a pin!




DT: Both men up to their feet now, and Beast comes in, but Douglas catches him with a boot to the guts, and a swinging neckbreaker for good measure! Douglas gets Beast back up, and slams him right down to the canvas, and he's heading for the corner! Douglas is going to go up top!

The crowd buzzes as Douglas heads to the top.

DT: And here he goes - DIVING HEADBUTT, but Beast moves out of the way and Douglas eats canvas! Beast gets to his feet, and crouches! He's yelling at Douglas to get up!

MN: Please, let him miss again...

The crowd starts buzzing, and Douglas slowly gets to his feet, trying to shake out the cobwebs, and Beast explodes across the ring...

Crowd; Cheer!

DT: GORE!! GORE!! Beast nailed Douglas with the Gore! And Beast starts playing to the crowd! He's in control now!

MN: But he's an idiot! He doesn't see Dan Ryan and Anarky coming down the ramp!

DT: Beast pulls Douglas up and sets him up for the Absolution, just as Dan Ryan PULLS the official out of the ring! Beast drops Douglas as Ryan SLUGS the official!

The crowd boos crazily as Ryan slugs the ref, and Anarky gets into the ring behind Beast, and drives a forearm into the back of his neck!

DT: And here comes Ryan into the ring! They grab Beast and Anarky nails him with a backbreaker and holds on! Ryan goes to the second rope... ELBOW drop off the second rope and Beast does a 360 into the canvas!

MN: Oh, this is gonna be GREAT!

DT: And now Ryan waves Anarky out of the ring to go get the official! Ryan pulls Beast up to his feet.... HUMILITY BOMB!! OH MY GOD!! Ryan just DESTROYED Beast with that shot!

MN: I think I'm going to donate my paycheck back to Dan Ryan!

DM: This goes way back with these two, fellas! I don't think we need to go over the bitter fight between these two over EPW!

DT: It looks like at Wrestlestock, and here again tonight, Ryan and Anarky are going to get another one up on Beast! Ryan places Douglas on Beast, and slides out of the ring as Anarky rolls the ref back in! Here's the count!




SFX: Ring bell. The crowd BOOS like crazy!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match.... TROY DOUGLAS!

DT: This is awful. ANOTHER PPV quality match RUINED by these two.

MN: *I* personally happen to think it's GREAT!

DT: And they're not done yet! Ryan pulls a groggy Beast up, and heads for the corner. Ryan hooks him in for a piledriver, and Anarky gets to the second rope, and they SPIKE Beast into the canvas!

DM: Oh man. That can't be good.

DT: And look at Ryan and Anarky. High-fiving in the ring. They're *enjoying* themselves. What now? Ryan is going to pick Beast up again...

MN: What the hell? The lights are flickering! The lights in the whole arena are out!

Medieval gregorian chant plays over the PA, and the EmpireTron slowly flickers to life, showing various images of people, half dressed, dirty and bloody, being beaten by ancient armored soliders. The music continues to play, and a few spotlights illuminate the stage as fog spills out over it. Slowly and rythymically, two lines of men garbed in robes with hoods pulled up over their heads make their way onto the stage. The EmpireTron looks as though blood is being spilled all over it.

MN: Can someone please tell me what the hell is happening? Blood and druids?

Images begin to flash on the EmpireTron. A son being born. The child being immersed in a river for baptism. The child listening, gazing intently, as his father preaches to an indigenous people. Flames, despair, and violence. Death. Three crosses with three decomposing bodies. The eyes of hate in the child. Change scene, black and white footage of an image circa 200 AD, and the child, now a man, is stripped to the waist and bound by arms and legs to restraints on a wall. Men and women alike begin stoning the man. Bruises, cuts, and gashes appear all over the man's body as he's beaten by the flying objects. Change scene to the man nailed to a cross, beaten and bloodied.

The Druids slowly, in unison, begin raising their arms out to the sides and towards the heavens. A low, James Earl Jones-esque voice plays over the music.

"Gone, but not forgotten. Beaten, but not broken. Dead, but now resurrected."

As the Druid's arms reach their zenith, dozens of lightning strikes appear to come from the rafters and strike all over the stage around the Druids, who suddenly lower their arms, and as they do, the arena plunges into darkness.

MN: Someone check my chair... I think it's a little wet!

The arena stays black for several moments, then, when the houselight comes back on, a huge man stands in the ring, dressed in the same robe and hood worn by the Druids. The man stands there for several moments, not moving. Ryan and Anarky are trying to figure out who this might be. The man then, as the Druids have done before him, slowly raises his arms out to the sides, and then continues up to his hood, which he peels back from his face...

Crowd: POP!!!



Ryan and Anarky stand in awe as Cross peels off his robe, revealing his wrestling garb, and he suddenly charges across the ring as Ryan and Anarky bail out of the ring through the ropes! The crowd is on their feet and cheering wildly! Cross leans over the ropes, trying to grab at Ryan and Anarky, and walks around the ring as he keeps pace with Ryan and Anarky as they leave the ringside area.

DT: I can't believe what I'm seeing! I thought we'd NEVER see Cross in an EPW ring again!

Cross motions for a microphone and is given one by a ring crew member, and then proceeds to help a real slowly rising Beast up to his feet. Beast staggers a bit and regains his bearings. His eyes focusing on Cross. Cross slowly brings the microphone to his lips.

Cross: Beast...this doesn't change anything between you and I. After all we've been through, after what you did to my family, after what you did to ME... you must know that in my eyes YOU are forever CONDEMNED! Your soul will rot in my Hell whenever and wherever the time comes to render your eternal penance. But nonetheless I agreed to be the "secret weapon" not because I've turned the other cheek, but because the enemy of my enemy commits the greater sin. After all the personal hell... after the masks and the Crucifixion matches... there's probably only one other sinner I despise even more than I despise you, and that's Dan Ryan.

Crowd: POP!!

MN: How DARE he talk about Ryan that way!

Cross: What Ryan has done to this company is UNPARDONABLE. How he's used it to stroke his own ego in public, and tried to ruin the lives and careers of so many men. From the Unknown Realms I have watched Ryan turn Empire Pro into his own personal Sodom and Gommorrah. When I saw that you and Irish Red engaged in a war for the salvation of EPW, THAT is when I decided to heed your call and come to your aid. But it would serve you best to remember one thing, Beast. I will help you, but know this... I sure as Hell DON'T do this for you. I do this for EPW. As long as the Christ gives me breath and willpower, I will see that EPW shines like the Holy City. I will see EPW redeemed. And I will see its unrepenant sinners CRUCIFIED and CONDEMNED to MY personal Hell!

Cross drops the mic, and “Consuming Fire” by Third Day plays over the PA as the crowd goes nuts. Cross leaves the ring, leaving a bewildered and beaten Beast standing in the middle of the ring.

DT: What a return! CROSS is back! And he's basically put EPW on notice! I can't wait to see him back in the ring again!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
The Forsaken vs. The Highland Park Social Club vs. Chronic Collizion

DM: Cross was definitely a force in his last run here in EPW. He was right on the cusp of the World Title when he left, so I can only imagine this will be good for competition.

[Suddenly, Beaslet is superimposed over the bottom right of the screen wearing the ‘Gay-1-E’ t-shirt and a making a thumbs up gesture with the words ‘Call now!!’ over his image.]

DT: Wait, did you see that?

MN: [turning anxiously around in fear] WHAT?!?

DM: [smacking Neely upside the head [Neely: OW!!]] Beastlet, stupid. An ad just came up on screen for it.

MN: I’m still sure my lack of a comp’d shirt is an oversight.

DT: Well, this next match should be loaded with action. It's a Triple Threat TORNADO tag match, putting some of Empire Pro Wrestling's top tag teams in the ring together, meaning that there are no tags in and out, everybody is in the ring at the same time. I'm not the owner here, nor will I sit here and pretend I have any say so, what-so-ever, around these parts, but I'd assume that the winner of this match would be in line for a shot at the EPW Tag Team Titles, held by the newly crowned champions, the Proletariat.

MN: Quick question, and, ummmm.... I don't know if this makes me stupid or not.... but, what in the HELL is a Proletariat?!

DM: [rolls his eyes]: Back to the match, you've got the Highland Park Social Club, who have made major waves her in Empire Pro Wrestling as tag team specialists, as well as singles competitors. Richard Farnswirth is one of the most technically gifted wrestlers in the world, period... and, I guess the same could be said for the blue blood Adam Benjamin, who has had one of the longer Television Title reigns in company history.

MN: Let's not mince words, Adam Benjamin is greatness in the form of man. Point, blank, period.

DM: Next up, you have the Chronic Collizon - formerly known as the Crimson Calling - also known as the very first team to hold the EPW Tag Team Championships! They have HISTORY in Empire Pro Wrestling, that a name change can't take away, and are one of those teams that always finds a way to make an impact from match to match.

DT: This is true. Juvenile antics aside, both men are Empire Pro veterans, who have ruled several different tag team divisions across the country.

DM: And, lastly... The Forsaken. This is a team who can at any moment steal the show. They can be daredevils, at times they put their bodies on the line, and they exude this aura of mystery, that can always come into play and serve as a mindgame.

MN: This whole thing sounds like a bunch of confusion if you ask me. If it ain't about the tag straps, I ain't interested!

DT: Go read a book you imbecile. This match has the potential to steal the show.

DM: Let's go to the ring, where the announcer will properly introduce each team.

[“Agenda Suicide [Fake Agenda Mix]” by the Faint starts up. The First comes out …well, first. Dope is right behind him. The First keeps his head down, walking slowly down the aisle. Dope just kinda wanders down the aisle behind him, yelling things at the crowd here and there.

TF: This match is for one fall and will determine the number one contenders to the EPW World Tag Team Titles!!! Introducing first…..from the uh….primordial ooze…..The First……Dope……THE FORSAKEN!!!!

[The First slides into the ring and promptly plops down in one corner, while Dope climbs in and climbs up to the second turnbuckle, staring into the crowd with a mask covered snicker.]

DT: And odd team here in the Forsaken to be sure.

DM: Odd yes, but we know The First to be super talented and I’m anxious to see more of this Dope character.

[The sound of a flicking lighter... water bubbling... and obnoxious COUGHING heralds the intro to "10001110101" by Clutch. As the music swings into its first bluesy hard rock riff, "The Raging Russian" Ivan Dalkichev storms onto the stage, downing the last of his bottle of vodka, which he immediately SMASHES on the ground and beats his chest with his fist, roaring to the audience! Slinking through the mist behind him is "The Escape Artist" Erik Black, a plume of smoke escaping his lips and holding up “GEEZER” for the fans to see!]

[The pair come face to face at the top of the ramp, flashing each other thumbs up, and make their way down. Dalkichev strides with Norrisean intensity, heading straight for the ring in a drunken stupor, while Black remains in tow, dancing to the music and playing to the fans.]

TF: Their opponents….from Indianapolis, Indiana….weighing in at a combined weight of seven hundred thirty eight pounds……Ivan Dalkichev….Erik Black…..CHRONIC COLLIZION!!!!

[Ivan just happens to be next to a camera along the ramp as the announcement is made, where he leans over and says into the camera….”formerly Crimson Calling!”]

[As they come to the ring, the hulking Dalkichev scales the apron, staggering slightly, and steps over the top rope to enter the squared circle. Black slides inside after him, walking around the ring on his knees while pumping up the audience. At the end of their set, Dalkichev drops to his knees in the center of the ring, holding his arms out to his sides. Black takes position behind him and holds his arms up in a V formation. When viewed from straight on, they form a five-pointed shape similar to a cannabis leaf!]

DT: The former World Tag Team Champions are here now and we’re one team away from having a contest here…

DM: Those two have made quite a transformation from what we remember as the Crimson Calling, so who knows what to expect here…but they’ve been impressive in their return so far.

["Ride of the Valkyries" by Richard Wagner starts up.

The lights of the arena go down as several green lasers flitter about. As Farnswirth and Benjamin emerge from the back, the lasers merge on the entrance ramp to draw a large dollar sign. Richard stands at the top of the ramp and looks over the crowd in disgust before heading for the ring.]

TF: And their…opponents…..from Highland Park…..and from the UK!!....here are Richard Farnswirth…..”Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin….THE HIGHLAND PARK SOCIAL CLUB!!!!!

[Farnswirth and Benjamin climb into the ring and receive the patdown treatment from the referee and take their places in a corner.]

DT: This match is getting underway with all three teams standing in their respective corners...

[SFX: Ding, Ding, Ding!]

DT: There's the bell, and with that, each team closes in.

DM: Benjamin and Farnswirth are already in a heated debate with Erik Black, as Ivan Dalkichev steps up and enters the discussion, double dropkick by the First and Dope! That's rather... strange. The First and Dope didn't have one particular person to dropkick, so instead they kicked Black and big Ivan into Adam Benjamin and Farnswirth, sending both teams through the ropes.

MN: It's called a cheapshot, buddy. And, I have to say... I admire it quite a bit!

DT: I bet you do, Neely.

DM: Both teams are up on the outside of the ring, Dope is down on all fours... The First runs full speed to the ropes, bounces off, uses Dope as a stepping stool, SUICIDE DIVE OVER THE TOP ROPE! This match is already starting off at a hectic pace!

DT: We expected action, and The Forsaken are delivering! Dope now climbs the top rope... FROGSPLASH LANDING DIRECTLY ONTO ADAM BENJAMIN! And, the crowd is going WILD!!

MN: That's because a young lady flashed, not because of anything going on in the ring.

DM: The wreckage is similar to that of a six car collision, as everybody with the exception of Adam Benjamin are slowly making there way to their feet. Benjamin looks out already, and the sad part is, the match just started!

MN: I swear, Adam hasn't been right since Ice Tre screwed him out of the King of the Cage tournament!

DT: Dalkichev is up on his feet, and the big man looks angry... he grabs Dope by the throat and slams him back first into the turnbuckle! Ivan backs off, and charges in... DOPE MOVES! The Forsaken are on fire! Dope with a dropkick that has big Ivan staggering. Dope backpedals, and attempts a second dropkick, but still, Ivan won't go down. Dope is up once more, he takes even more steps backward... charges for another dropkick--

DM: -- SPEAR BY ADAM BENJAMIN!! Both Benjamin and Farnswirth are up as the blue-blooded pair go to work. Farnswirth kicks Erik Black in the gut and uses a handful of hair, and connects with a Russian leg sweep, that sends Black back down on the canvas!

DT: Funny, we have yet to see any "in ring" action!

DM: You spoke too soon, The First and Adam Benjamin both slide into the ring and face each other. Benjamin with a headlock, wraps around with a hammerlock, that the first counters with an elbow to the jaw! The First bounces off of the ropes only to be met with a beautiful dropkick by Adam Benjamin!

MN: That dropkick looked better than your wife!

DM: Please, let's not take away from this match with personal comments...

MN[mumbling]: ....it's true.

DT: On the outside of the ring, Erik Black is on his feet, and he looks a little pissed. Farnwirth, who had been getting the better of him, turned his back to focus on Black's giant of a partner... Ivan Dalkichev, which was a major mistake, as Black creeped up behind him and connected with a MONSTER belly- to- back suplex that saw Farnswirth's head smack pure concrete!

DM: Inside of the ring, Adam Benjamin looks to be trying to force The First into submission, only the cheers of the crowd keep him alive. Benjamin has him in a fujinami armbar that has The First's arm looking like it's on the verge of dislocation...

DT: Ivan Dalkichev finally shook the cobwebs free from those dropkicks at the hands of Dope earlier, just as Dope tries to make it to his feet, ribs apparently sore as a result of that spear by Adam Benjamin. Dope with a punch, but it has little to no effect at all... Ivan's just too big for him! Dalkichev with a headbutt sends Dope reeling! Ivan lift's Dope up, in the gorilla press position, and slams him down on the guardrail! Dope appears to not be able to breathe!

DM: And, with that Ivan enters the ring... Double clothesline sends Adam Benjamin and The First to the mat!

MN: Fee, Fie, Foe, FUM!

DM: Dalkichev has The First up... CHOKESLAM! He drops down for the cover... ONE! TWO!! Adam Benjamin with the save! That was a close one! Adam gives Ivan the boot, trying to keep this giant at bay, to no avail, as Dalkichev shoves Benjamin through the ropes, causing him to accidentally land on TOP of Richard Farnswirth, and Erik Black who were going at it tooth and nail on the outside!

DT: All three men are down, as Dalkichev steps over the top rope, on his way to more destruction. Adam Benjamin is on his feet, barely, albeit, Dalkichev grabs Benjamin by the throat..... CHOKESLAM NUMBER TWO ON THE CONCRETE!!

MN: And, jolly green isn't done!

DM: Neely's right... Ivan Dalkichev has Richard Farnswirth's neck.... A THIRD CHOKESLAM! The Highland Park Social Club looks to be finished as Ivan Dalkichev pulls his partner Erik Black up to his feet, checking to see if he's okay.

DT: Do you see what I see?

MN: It's a bird, it's a plane....


MN: Geez, guys...

DT: Ivan Dalkichev and Erik Black are on the outside getting their wits about them, but they seemed to have forgotten about The Forsaken. Dope scales the top rope, FLYING CROSS BODY BLOCK--



MN: Sore throat medicine anyone? You guys REALLY need to learn to relax. You act as if you've never seen this high wire act before.

DM: The crowd is on their feet, they are going INSANE! The Forsaken are slowly getting up on their feet, so are The Highland Park Social Club... They are in the midst of squaring off. Dope and Richard Farnswirth begin trading blows, as does Benjamin and The First, as The Forsaken start to get the better of the two, and toss Benjamin and Farnswirth in the ring.

DT: The exhaustion is definitely starting to kick in, every team looks like they've been hit by a speeding mack truck.

DM: The Forsaken slide into the ring after their foes, only to be met with boots to the head by the blue-blooded Englishmen!

MN: Farnswirth and Adam Benjamin aren't the best brawlers, but they are two of the most intelligent wrestlers on this planet, if not THE most!

DM: Benjamin with a kick to the gut of The First, plants him to the mat with a DDT that looked like it could've broken his neck!

DT: Both men from Highland Park now begin to focus their attention on Dope, who is backed into a corner. Farnswirth charges in but is met with a counter hip toss, but that's not enough to keep Adam Benjamin away as he clips his leg from behind! Smart move!

DM: Benjamin begins to work away at the leg, digging his heels into it, and yanking it, trying to dislocate a bone!

MN: Benjamin is cerebral when he wants to be!

DM: Adam props Dope's leg on the bottom rope, and uses the same rope as a trampoline before coming down FULL FORCE onto Dope's already injured leg, as he screams in pain!

DT: Richard Farnswirth is up now... He moves in as Benjamin hooks Dope in the Figure Four Leg Lock.

MN: Take one man out, then beat the holy hell out of the other... this is my kinda plan.

DM: I'm not quite sure it was drawn up like that, but whatever works. Dope is locked into that figure four, with the referee asking if he wants the bell, but The First fights on. Richard Farnswirth scales the ropes, looks down at his partner and his opponent... takes the leap... FLYING LEG DROP! This one has GOT to be over. Farnswirth with the cover... ONE! TWO!!

DT: ERIK BLACK WITH A FLYING ELBOW OFF OF THE TOP ROPE FOR THE SAVE! Ivan Dalkichev enters right behind his partner... Big boot to the face of Adam Benjamin sends him flying to the mat. Black raises Farnswirth off the mat... Belly to back suplex! He's hanging on... ANOTHER! AND A THIRD! He cradles, the referee drops down for the cover... ONE!! TWO!! FARNSWIRTH WITH A SHOULDER UP!

DM: I'm not so sure how smart that was... Big Ivan seems a little ticked... he lifts Farnswirth up by the neck, and sets him up for a Powerbomb--

DT: The First with a dropkick to the calf muscle, and Ivan is hobbled! Dalkichev drops Farnswirth, and begins holding his ankle, which HAS to be in agonizing pain! The First lands a couple of blows on Dalkichev, as well as Erik Black who tried to sneak him from behind... The First with a kick to the gut... No... He wouldn't...

DM: ....he couldn't.

MN[flatly]: He can't.

DT: The First has the seven foot tall Ivan Dalkichev in the position for a powerbomb, but, there is no way this can be done...

DM: YES there is! Dope is up, he's helping his partner lift the giant up, but unfortunately for them, he's still putting up one hell of a fight in resisting. What's this?!? Richard Farnswirth is up ..... and, he's .... HELPING! So is Adam Benjamin! All four men are using all of their strength to lift up this giant... together they lift him up... SUPER POWER BOMB! AND DALKICHEV IS OUT! Dope with the cover! ONE! TWO! Broken up by Richard Farnswirth! ONE! TWO! Broken up by The First who drops down for the cover... ONE! TWO! Kick to the head by Adam Benjamin that leaves the First a little on the woozy side, as Adam drops down for the cover. ONE! TWO!

DT: That cover is broken up by Erik Black who ..... DROPS DOWN AND COVERS HIS OWN PARTNER! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT BY IVAN DALKICHEV!! Is that even LEGAL?!?

MN: If Black gets the one, two, three, his team gets the win, I can see the logic in it! Why can't you?! The problem is Goliath here kicking out of the pin.

DM: I'm sure he's JUST as confused about it as WE are!

DT: Erik Black is back on his feet, and he's fighting off ALL of the opposition! The First with a haymaker, DUCKED! INVERTED DDT! Black is up once more... going toe to toe with Dope, Dope appears to be getting the better of the situation... Dope backs off for a clothesline... he charges, Black DUCKS... DOPE is BACK BODY DROPPED OVER THE TOP ROPE BY THE SUSPECTING RICHARD FARNSWIRTH! Farnswirth exits the ring behind Dope... The First leaves right behind them as they are both wailing away at the overmatched Farnswirth.

DM: Adam Benjamin wobbles his way to his feet... not really sure what to make of what is going on tonight... he spins around... and, runs right into Ivan Dalkichev who presses Benjamin over his head... He brings him to the center of the ring... DRUNKEN RUSSIAN DRIVER! AND WHERE IS ERIK BLACK?! HE'S UP TOP..... STEAMROLLER! BENJAMIN IS OUT AS BLACK DROPS DOWN FOR THE COVER!

DT: Dope, noticing the reaction from the crowd, glances back at the ring...


DT: Dope bolts towards the ring for the save...

DM: TWO!!!

DT: Dope slides in the ring for the save, leaping in the air....


DT: Dope connects with a ROLLING THUNDER! ...but, it's TOO LATE! The referee's hand hit the mat for the three, let's go up to the ring for the official announcement.


MN: I KNEW they'd win it! I called it from the beginning!

DT: This match was one of those matches that NOBODY could call! Nobody want's to hear your crap, Neely! You didn't call a thing!

MN: You're just mad...


MN: Because I picked the winner of the match and you didn't! I am a winner and you are a LOSER!

DM: Somebody please get us to the next match before I end up killing him... or worse... MYSELF!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Shawn Hart (c) w/ Frankie Scott vs. James Irish w/ Seargeant - EPW TV Title

DT: Folks, we’ve seen a lot of interesting rivalries in the three-plus year history of Empire Pro Wrestling, but this one, it features some of the more interesting and brash personalities in all the wrestling universe. Tonight, at Russian Roulette, the rivalry comes to a head, as Shawn Hart defends his TV Title against the Clown Prince of Wrestling, James Irish!

DM: And to add to that, each of these accomplished stars has a damn good second to watch their back, Dave. At WrestleSTOCK we saw “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott align himself with the TV champ to form the latest of the 36 incarnations of Team Phenom, and James Irish will have the returning Sergeant in his corner, so both the Phenom and the Mad Genius have men in their corners that could add additional fireworks to an already explosive situation.

DT: Mike, your thoughts?

MN: I like it when they hit each other!

DT: Short, sweet, and pointless as always, Michael.

DM: He’s like a puppy, I love it.

DT: To Tony Fatora for the introductions!

[CUT TO: Tony Fatora, midring, mic in hand]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest at Russian Roulette is scheduled for ONE FALL, and will be contested for the Empire Pro Wrestling Television Championship! Introducing the challenger…

[CUE UP: “I’ll Drink to You” Duke Jupiter. James Irish steps through the curtain to a MASSIVE pop, flanked by Erin Flanagan and the Sergeant. James salutes the crowd and heads towards the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and waiting in the corner.]

TF: He stands six feet, three inches tall and weighed in at 245 pounds. Hailing from Fredonia, New York, he is the Mad Genius of Professional Wrestling, he is …


His opponent…

[CUE UP: “Watching the Wheels” John Lennon. Shawn Hart walks out to vehement booing, with Frankie Scott walking behind him and clapping. Hart pulls off his ring robe and climbs into the ring, staring down Irish on the inside as Sarge and Scott stare down on the outside.]

TF: He stands five feet, eleven inches tall and weighed in prior to the contest at 226 pounds. Hailing from Orlando, Florida, he enters tonight as the REIGNING and DEFENDING Empire Pro Wrestling Television Champion….



[SFX: Bell Rings]

DT: And away we go!

MN: Three years, and you treat the start of every match like it’s the damn Kentucky Derby. You are such a tool.

DT: Ignoring you.

MN: You can’t do it forever, Daaavey.

DM: He can try. Lord knows I do.

DT: Neither man wants to be the first to commit here in this one. Hart and Irish circle around the ring, making a slow pace and wearing a track in the canvas. Hart leans forward, and here comes James Irish to lock it up, but the Phenom fakes him out and rakes the challenger right in the eyes!

DM: Shawn Hart is an absolute master of psychology and head games, and he will screw around with you until you just can’t take it anymore.

DT: James recollects himself, they come back together, and this time Irish gives the TV champ a dose of his own medicine with a poke right into the eyes!

DM: ‘Course, they don’t call this dude the Mad Genius for nothing. This might just turn into a “Can You Top This” contest of schoolyard nerd-bullying tactics.

MN: Five bucks Hart pulls out the atomic wedgie.

DT: Both men take a minute to clear their vision, and now they are face to face again, and this time, neither one is going to let the other man goad him into an eye poking match! James with the right hand, Hart counters back, and the fists are flying from both champ and challenger! Hart with a big right, and a left! Charges forward…fantastic judo style throw by James Irish, and he climbs right on top of the champ and starts absolutely laying into him with punches and elbows! James Irish coming out tonight almost like an MMA ground-and-pounder, and that’s not something we’re used to seeing from him!

DM: Not many guys in professional wrestling use a style like this, Dave, and James Irish has Shawn Hart totally off his game with a great departure from his usual in-ring style.

MN: Feh. If I wanted to see one guy lay on top of another guy, there’s this website I could go to…

DM: Mike, don’t mention that again. Ever.

MN: But, I was just gonna…

DM: EVER. It’s just weird, dude.

DT: Conversations I don’t need to hear, Volume 95. James Irish, by the way, is continuing to press his advantage on the ground against the champ, who is doing everything he can to avoid the clubbing blows from his challenger AND stay off his shoulders to avoid the pin! James tries to push up for leverage…

Shawn Hart rolls through! Fantastic amateur wrestling from the champ and he rolls up Irish for a quick pin…


And that’s all he’ll get, but the Phenom finally breaks away from that vicious, aggressive ground attack of James Irish and takes a moment to regroup with Frankie Scott outside the ring.

MN: Good idea, Shawnie. Get away from the crazy man from Upstate New York that’s trying to lay a whoopin’ on you.

DM: A whoopin’?

MN: We’re in my homeland, the South! Don’t disrespect my native dialect, jerk.

DM: You’re from South Jersey, numbnuts!

MN: A man can dream.

DT: David Rosenkrantz’s count has reached four here, and James Irish doesn’t want to go any further in letting the champ walk away from here with a countout. He’s out of the ring, and Shawn Hart is heading in the exact opposite direction, but he runs straight into the Sergeant! He spins around … right into a vicious flying forearm from Irish! He floored him and Hart’s head hit very awkwardly against the protective mats out there. James rolls him into the ring, and he drops a quick elbow right to the chest! The cover…


No more than that for the challenger, but James Irish has got Shawn Hart reeling early on in this one.

MN: Yeah, but they’ve only been wrestling for like, eleventy four seconds. The Phenom’s just playing with him.

DM: Eleventy four?

MN: Damn right.

DT: James has the champ up, and he blisters the chest of Shawn Hart with a stinging chop! And another! And another! One more, and you can see where the welts are going to raise tomorrow morning!

DM: I’d wager that they’ll come up somewhere on that large, red, and already bruised area.

MN: C’mon, ref! He raised welts with four chops! He’s got loaded wrists! I CALL SHENANIGANS!

DM: Shut up. Just shut up.

DT: James has backed the champ into the corner, drops a quick forearm and pulls him out.

DM: You have no idea how wrong that sounds.

DT: Irish whip by James … and he whiffs on the clothesline! He comes Hart … flying forearm connects, and he drops the point of his knee straight onto the right shoulder blade of James Irish. Hart springs up, and he just starts laying the heavy heel of his boot right to that shoulder.

DM: This is textbook Shawn Hart, Dave. We all know he’s got that devastating Fujiwara Armbar in reserve, and trying to put James Irish’s shoulder out of commission early on is the exact right way to set him up for this later on.

MN: I wanna see his arm dangling by a thread. I’d put that clip on YouTube and get like a billion hits.

DT: Hart’s got the full advantage here after stopping the challenger’s momentum, and he is going to bring the pace of this match to a damn near grinding halt. He wrings that right arm hard … and he just brought a nasty elbow down right onto the arm of James Irish. He could’ve separated the shoulder from it’s socket right then and there, and we’ve barely gotten started in this one.

MN: Even I know that’s kind of the point, Burgerman.

DT: Hart’s continuing to put the pressure on that shoulder, and he’s going old school here and controlling his opponent with nothing but a hammerlock.

DM: No ordinary hammerlock, Dave. He’s got the arm torqued way past 90 degrees, and that’s putting pressure on every nerve in that right arm. This may not be the most elegant or exciting way of winning a match, but this is frighteningly effective.

DT: James is trying desperately to avoid further damage to his shoulder in the early going, guys. He scrambles towards the ropes … OH MY! Shawn Hart yanked him away and tossed him shoulder first into the ringpost! Roll-up from behind by the champ…


TWOOOONOOOOO!!! Barely a count of two, but Shawn Hart has inflicted some key damage to the man chasing his title.

MN: Enough damage for me to try me Double Mega Wizard Magic Attack.

DM: No.


DT: James Irish has had his right shoulder absolutely punished so far, and I just don’t know how much more he can sustain. Hart’s on the hunt again, waiting for Irish to get up. James is on his knees … Hart misses the soccer kick to the shoulder and Irish sweeps him straight to the mat! Up comes Hart, short-arm clothesline southpaw style by the challenger!

DM: James has guts, but it’s tough to fight as a one-armed man.

MN: Don’t talk. A one armed man killed my wife.

DM: Exactly HOW dated is that reference?

DT: James is trying to mount some offense here. He kicks Shawn in the gut, hits the ropes … Hart counters with a high back body drop and James Irish landed FLUSH on that shoulder! Hart slides over to pin…



James kicks out! James Irish’s right shoulder is badly hurt, folks, but he is going to keep fighting.

MN: Enough with the lovey-dovey resilience crap, Davey. If the guy was any kind of smart he’d just walk away before the Phenom left him without an arm.

DM: Since when are you allowed to have opinions about what smart people should do?

DT: Shawn Hart has this fight solidly in his grasp and he is letting the crowd know it. He’s got James up, hooks the head … snap suplex rattles the ring and sends shockwaves through the nerves of the challenger.

MN: That’s a new way of describing getting one’s ass handed to them on a silver platter.

DT: Hart’s in the corner … blowing a kiss towards Erin Flanagan?

MN: Don’t do it Phenom, she’s got cooties!

DM: Mental midget.

DT: Hart off the ropes … big knee … NOBODY HOME!!! Irish had just enough time to recover and roll out of the way and Shawn Hart landed hard on that left knee and he’s coming up a little lame.

MN: Shawn’s not lame. HE RULES!

DM: Not lame as in … nevermind.

DT: James off the ropes … baseball slide right to that left knee, and know the champion’s the one with a damaged limb! Off the ropes again comes Irish … FACEBUSTER!!! He planted the champ’s head straight into the canvas! Hooks the leg for a cover…



SHOULDER UP!!! Shawn Hart kicks out, but for the first time tonight, his title looks like it could be in jeopardy.

DM: That’s true, but this match is still going to come down to how long James Irish’s right shoulder can hold out.

DT: James is going to do everything he can to work quickly here, to press the pace that the champ had slowed to a halt. Irish whip by the challenger … big kneelift to the gut doubles the Phenom over! Double underhook … and a DDT! Shawn Hart might be knocked out! The pin…



THREEEEE!!!! No! NO! James Irish should’ve had this match won, but that damn Frankie Scott put Shawn Hart’s foot on the rope and broke up the count!

MN: You see, Lone Star. Evil will always win, because good is dumb.

DM: Hey Dark Helmet, I think Frankie might be dealing with one of Newton’s Laws of Physics here. Y’know, the one about every action having and equal but opposite reaction?

MN: Uhhh, no?

DT: Well, Frankie Scott is about to learn, because here comes Sarge! The champ and challenger are in the ring, but it’s the two seconds who are slugging it out now on the outside, and David Rosenkrantz is going out to break it up! We’ve got security out here, and they’re going to keep the two parties separate for now, but I don’t know how long that’s going to be able to keep that mission successful.

MN: With these fat, donut-craving, wussy Rent-A-Cops? About six seconds.

DT: The referee is out there still sorting this out … and Shawn Hart took advantage of that! He just hit James Irish with a low blow just before the referee came back in! Now a standing headscissors by the champ … POWERBOMB!!! He just powerbombed James Irish damn near through the mat! He folds him up for the pin…



HART RETAINS….NOOOO!!! What a gutsy showing by James Irish to shoot that left shoulder off the mat, and not a moment too soon after Shawn Hart almost stole this one with that low blow.

DM: Underhanded tactics or not, the Phenom did what all great ring veterans do. He took advantage of a distraction at ringside to gain an advantage and get back in control of this title defense.

DT: Hart still working over the challenger, front facelock … and a front layout suplex! James Irish lands gut first on the canvas! Hart yanks him up, throws some forearms and whips Irish hard into the turnbuckle! On the charge comes the champ … MASSIVE LARIAT IN THE CORNER!!! He just impaled James Irish on those turnbuckle pads!

MN: If the joker had to be impaled, at least it was on something soft and cushy.

DT: James is wobbling out of the corner, and the Phenom is on the second rope. James turns around, OH MY!!! CORKSCREW BLOCKBUSTER BY THE CHAMP!!!! This one’s in the books! The pin…



THRRRRNOOOOOO!!!! Somehow, someway, James Irish kicked out of that incredible maneuver by Shawn Hart!

DM: This guys got guts on top of guts.

MN: Dude, that’s just gross.

DT: Shawn senses he can put this one away. It might be Hart Attack time! He stalks James Irish from behind … HART ATTACK … NO WAY! James Irish pushed the champ away! Hart bounces off the ropes … STRAIGHT INTO A SPINNING HEEL KICK! James Irish pulled that one deep out of his reserves! Hart pops up … big kick to the solar plexus by the challenger! Gutwrench … POWERBOMB! Irish returns the favor and he is ROLLING!

MN: Umm…wasn’t he dead like three seconds ago.

DM: Yeah, but haven’t you EVER watched pro wrestling before?

MN: Have you listened to my commentary? Of course I haven’t!

DT: James going up top, might be time for the Funk #49 … but Hart is standing! James flies anyway … MISSILE DROPKICK!!! He pins…



Hart kicks out! These two are laying it all on the line, but neither man can put it away!

DM: Dave, this might help.

DT: Irish has Shawn Hart measured for his version of the Osaka Street Cutter! Air Check on the horizon … Hart slips out! Rear waistlock … GERMAN SUPLEX! He bridges for the pin…



THREEE!!! NO! NOT THIS TIME EITHER! Shawn Hart thought he had the win, and he’s giving Dave Rosenkrantz the business about it this time.

DM: I think this might be a strategy.

MN: Ha! A clever ruse! An evil cunning plan!

DM: Looks like someone’s been reading his Evil Overlord Handbook.

DT: Shawn Hart’s let Frankie Scott take over the argument, and Frankie just handed Hart the TV belt behind the ref’s back! Now Erin and Sarge are berating the ref, and nobody can see Hart wind up with the belt and … MISS!!! James ducked and Shawn’s momentum carries him to the ropes where he hits Frankie Scott!!! One-half of Team Phenom is down! Irish from behind … SCHOOLBOY!!!!



NO!!! So very close as Scott and Hart’s cheating backfired on them! James now has Hart underhooked, and the crowd knows what’s coming!

MN: I hate this little turd, but this move is pretty cool.

DT: Headbanger’s Ball! James is using his head as a blunt instrument against the skull of the champion, and Hart can’t get out!

DM: There are some who’d argue that James’ head is a blunt instrument all the time.

DT: James stops the headbutts, holds on to the underhook … BUTTERFLY BRAINBUSTER!!! Shawn Hart might’ve been knocked silly by that! Cover him James, and you’re the new champ!

MN: Paging Mr. Objectivity…

DT: James is going to forego the pin, here comes the Fredonia Cloverleaf! He hooks the legs, leans back … Hart’s still got enough presence to get to the ropes and break the hold! Shawn Hart saw the bottom rope and crawled as quickly as he could to grab that cable and force a break.

DM: Anything to survive, Dave.

DT: Hart’s up, but it’s obvious he’s still groggy. James whips him into the corner…here comes the charge…FLYING ELBOW CAN’T CONNECT! James staggers out of the corner, and Hart’s ready for him! Spinning headscissors…straight into that Fujiwara Armbar!!! Hart is cranking on that badly injured right shoulder in the middle of the ring.

DM: I’ve been in this move many, many times, and it’s bad without the bum shoulder. With that injured wing, I just don’t think the Mad Genius can hold out.

MN: Oh, now Mr. Experience knows everything, doesn’t he?

DM: I’m telling you that your guy is going to win, dumbass.

MN: You did? AWESOME!!! I love when Dean flaunts his experience!

DT: James Irish is screaming in pain, but somehow, he is not giving in to it. James Irish knows that he can not, must not tap out if he ever wants to have the TV Title strapped around his waist. James is moving ever so slowly towards the ropes, but Shawn Hart is trying as hard as he can to pop that entire arm right out of the socket.

MN: Tap, you idiot! At least leave here with an arm!

DT: James is fighting this with every ounce of willpower in his body, but this has to be a formality now. Rosenkrantz checks once…

He checks twice…

One more and it’s all over…

NOOOOO!!! James Irish simply will not give in to this pain, and despite a shoulder that’s probably going to require surgery after tonight, he is still fighting for a championship. He’s crawling to the ropes…and he’s making progress!

DM: I don’t believe this. By all accounts, his arm should be somewhere on Peachtree St. by now.

DT: James is getting closer, closer still…

MN: He’ll never make it to the ropes. Fifty bucks on it.

DT: He’s AT THE ROPES!!! Unbelievable!

MN: That wasn’t an official bet! You all saw that, right?

DT: James is crawling to his feet, but Shawn Hart knows there’s more than one way to skin this cat. He wants another Hart Attack … JAMES HOLDS THE ROPES!!! Shawn hits the deck! Now James is fighting with one arm, hard shots to the body of the champion! A kick to the gut … SWINGING DDT!!! Could this be it…



YESSS!!!! NOOOO!!!!! Shawn Hart shows what he’s got down deep and he kicks out! James still working to win this one, hooks the head for the Air Check … thumb to the eye by Hart! Slips behind … ATOMIC DROP!!!! Old school Phenom at work right now!

MN: Everything he does is Old School. It’s why he’s so awesome.

DT: Hart measuring Irish for the Superkick. James turns … and ducks the kick! He springboards … TWISTING ENZIGUIRI!!! What a move by James Irish! Can he get the title? He heads up top …

FUNK NUMBER FORTY NINE!!!! He hit him with the somersault legdrop! He hooks the leg…



THREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! James Irish does it!

MN: I don’t [bleep] believe it.

[CUE UP: “I’ll Drink to You” Duke Jupiter. The crowd EXPLODES as Sarge and Erin enter the ring to celebrate with the new champion. Rosenkrantz hands the belt to James as the trio raises their arms in the air, James still favoring the right shoulder.]

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, James Irish withstood what could’ve been a debilitating shoulder injury early in the match to fight back and somehow end the reign of Shawn Hart. To Tony Fatora to introduce our new champion! What a moment here at Russian Roulette for the Mad Genius of Wrestling as he finally unseats Shawn Hart!



Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Anarky vs. Beau Michaels

DM: Boy, what a job by James Irish to get the gold and it’s good to see him break through here as he’s had a bit of a rough time of things here in EPW due to some circumstances beyond his control. But The Sarge is back, Irish is on a roll and all is right with the world.

MN: Well, I still don’t have my free t-shirt.

DT: Ugh, don’t bring that up.

MN: Maybe they don’t have my current cell phone number.

DM: Neely….you’re live on the show right now. If they wanted to get in touch with you, they’d just….you know, WALK DOWN HERE?!

MN: How could they just….?

DM: Nevermind, Neely. Look!! Something shiny!!!


DT: [laughing] Back to Tony Fatora!!

TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall!

[Cue up: "Satisfaction" by Benny Benassi and the Biz, as the familiar strobe
lights hit, and the crowd begins to boo.]

DT: Well, folks, we all know whose music THAT is.

DM: Whoa! My gaydar just exploded!

[Joined of course by his usual harem of young boys in naught but tube socks,
Beau Michaels emerges through the curtain with the Chicken in tow -
naturally gyrating his hips along with the funky buzz of the beat. The crowd
boos as the man in the disturbingly tight shorts makes his way to the ring,
stopping to make kissy-faces at a few of the men in the front row.]

TONY FATORA: Introducing first, accompanied by the Chicken... he hails
from-ah West Hollywood, California and weighs in at two hundred and thirty
pounds... please welcome... Ex-tuhrrremely Bisexual... Beau...

DT: This extremely partisan Southern crowd all over the BiSexual One, Beau
Michaels here tonight, and you've got to think, gentlemen, that this man
right here is the enemy to these people on principle alone.

MN: This ain't Massachusetts, Burgerman! These people want Beau Michaels to
go back to Sweden, or Canada, or wherever the hell he came from!

DM: ...You mean West Hollywood, California?

MN: Yeah, there!

DM: ...Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Neely. Dave Thomas, we've seen on our
syndicated television programs Beau Michaels trying to get into the head of
his opponent here tonight, but from what I've seen -

[Cue up: "Sober" by Tool. With little further fanfare, a visibly focused
Anarky strides through the curtains without so much as an acknowledgment of
them. Shockingly, there's mixed heat for the chairman of the company as he
stalks to the ring.]

DM: --Beau Michaels is going to have his hands full with this man, the
Chairman of the Company!

TONY FATORA: And his opponent, hailing from Hartford, Connecticut... he
weight in at precisely two hundred thirty four pounds... he is the Chairman
of EM-pire Pro Wrestlinnnng... ANARKYYYYYY!!!

DT: A very focused Anarky making his way to the ring here tonight in
Atlanta, Georgia, as we get set to kick off what should be a very
interesting match!

DM: Beau Michaels is known for getting into his enemies' heads, but Anarky
is a focused, determined killing machine, a man who took down Beast, took
down Maelstrom, took down a lot of the best in the business. And you've
gotta wonder if Beau Michaels can crack him.

[*DING* - the bell rings.]

DT: This should certainly be quite a clash of mentalities indeed, Dean.
Michaels - not even going for a tie-up, but eyeing Anarky up and down and -
and licking his lips!

MN: Aah! He wants a taste of the Chairman!

DT: This extremely partisan Atlanta crowd letting Michaels know how they
feel here -

Anarky and Michaels both look out into the booing crowd. The camera pans
out; the fans are on their feet in waves, the entire stadium showering heat
down on Michaels.]

DT: Michaels... nodding to them! Why, that's one proud sonuvagun.

DM: Is he... is he making kissy faces at the crowd?!

DT: Oh, this is just ridiculous. Michaels taunting the fans in the front row
by licking his lips and making kissy faces! Makes a kissy face for Anarky

MN: He got his kiss, alright! Haha!

DT: Michaels knocked off balance by that big right hand! Anarky with another
right! Another one! Now a big chop as he pushes Beau Michaels back into the
corner! Pounding on him with those big right hands!

DM: Anarky's not letting up! He's got the forearm now pushed across the
throat of Michaels and is choking him in the corner!

DT: That illegal chokehold across the esophagus of the Bisexual One -

[REF: "Hey, knock it off! One! Two-"]

DT: --Referee Rosenkrantz giving the warning now - Anarky breaks the hold at
four and backs off.

[As Anarky backs off, Michaels slowly lowers his arms as though to lower his
defenses against the choke. He cracks an eye open.]

DT --Oh, Anarky pops him in the mouth again! Big elbows in the corner -
Irish whip, and he sends Beau Michaels across the ring, face-first into the
opposite turnbuckle!

MN: Man, he hit that corner hard! Bounced straight ought!

DT: Anarky in after him - catches him from behind, brings him up, baaaack
SUPLEX but Michaels flips out and lands behind him! Goes for the rear
waistlock - Anarky reverses and gets one of his own, maybe looking for a
suplex - oh, Michaels GRINDING HIS ASS back into Anarky's crotch and

MN: Aaaagh! The children! Think of the children!

DM: And the Chairman just gives up on that suplex and WHAM with the clubbing
forearms to the back of Beau Michaels, putting the Bisexual One on his

MN: Beau's in his natural environment now!

DT: A thoroughly disgusted-looking Anarky throws himself into the ropes -
rebound and OH what a sickening kick to the chops of a kneeling Beau
Michaels! That meaty smack of boot hitting bone and Michaels is down and

DM: At that speed even something as simple as a boot to the head can knock a
man stupid, Dave!

DT: The Chairman pressing the attack, taking a handful of Michaels' hair and
bringing him to his feet - Michaels grabs him about the waist and hugs him!
He's got his cheek right up against Anarky's -

MN: --Oh, GROSS!!


DT: Anarky pulled Michaels to his knees and Michaels took the advantage!
He's got what he wanted! Anarky's clearly startled and disgusted here --

DM --And Michaels just springs forward and PLOUGHS Anarky into the opposite
turnbuckle with a shoulder charge!

DT: And did you hear the crash as Michaels drove Anarky into that corner,
and now drives those shoulders into the gut of the Chairman?!

DM: You have to give the man credit! That was a beautiful setup there - OH,
but Anarky with more of those clubbing blows to shut Michaels down almost
before he starts.

DT: The Chairman of EPW showing his physicality, his dominance, as he takes
Michaels' head under his arm and lifts him up - sitout front suplex out of
the corner! Rolls him over for the pin - one, two - Michaels kicks out!

MN: And there's the chicken at ringside! Someone fry that thing! I need some
KFC in my life.

DM: Your waistline says otherwise.

MN: Hey! I'm a fit and trim size 54. I am SVELTE, sir, SVELTE.

DT: Anarky regaining his footing, not waiting on Michaels as he drives those
big right hands into the other man's forehead. Again the front facelock, and
he heaves Michaels over his shoulder - looking for the Snake Eyes here.
Drops Michaels into the turnbuckle but MICHAELS SLIPS OUT and pushes Anarky

DM: The Chairman's jaw bounces off that turnbuckle pad, and Michaels with
the waistlock! Leans back and brings the legs up for a roll-through - OH GOD

DT: Aagh, one, two, Anarky kicks out, thank GOD -

DM: He came down with Anarky doubled over with Michaels sitting on top and
groping at his ass! What a disgusting, unprofessional-

MN: God, this guy's just foot after foot of fruity trauma, isn't he? Someone
get me the steel wool, I need to scrub my eyes!

DT: And Anarky didn't like that one bit as he kips to his feet - Michaels
with the drop toe hold! Boosts over - now LYING on top of Anarky's back and
applying a chinlock - AND DRY HUMPING THE CHAIRMAN!!!

MN: Aaagh! He doesn't even care about wins and losses, only getting off!

DT: Anarky reaching back to grab the head of Michaels - pushes to his feet
with Michaels dangling off of him - STILL grinding like a monkey in heat -
Anarky drops to a knee and takes Michaels over with the snapmare! Michaels
hits the mat in a seated position - OH, Anarky SMACKS him in the back of the

DM: Bad dog! No bone!

MN: DAVE! Family show!

DM: ...Well, uh.

DT: Dean, that was the worst word choice I have ever heard.

DM: Well, uh, heh. OH LOOK Anarky into the ropes and comes back across the
ring with the clothesline to a recovering Michaels! Turned him inside out,

DT: Michaels pops back up and eats a flying forearm for his trouble! This
crowd is getting fired up! Anarky with another forearm! Michaels up again -
there's the Irish whip - ANARKY KILLS HIM WITH THE DDT! This Atlanta crowd
is warming up!

MN: He's going to the top!

DT: Anarky climbing to the top rope! Getting ready for - NO, Michaels
recovers just in time to shake the top rope and OHHHH that can't feel good!

DM: Anarky just lost his footing and landed crotch-first on the top

MN: So will Beau accept damaged goods?

DM: God, I do NOT want to think about Anarky's goods!

MN: Well, I sure don't, but -

DT: Michaels to the corner and - and - he's TRYING TO PULL DOWN ANARKY'S

MN: Why, that opportunist! He couldn't resist a man's crotch at mouth level.

DT: Are we about to have our very own Pole on a Pole moment?!

MN: Don't remind me! Aagh! Someone stop this!

DT: --And Anarky realizing what Beau Michaels is trying to do here, and
taking a swing at his head! Michaels with a shot to the gut to stun Anarky!
Climbing to the second rope... apparently giving up his treasure... uh-oh,
what're we gonna see here - OH, a huge superplex! Anarky crashes down to the
canvas with killing force!


GRINDING DOWN! ONE - TWO - again the chairman kicks out of that hideous
pinning predicament!

MN: Is it me, or do you get the impression that Beau really wants Anarky to
eat his -


MN: ...delicious French bread pizzas! At a store near you!

DT: Michaels now bringing Anarky to his feet. Whip into the corner - follows
him in with a crushing clothesline! He now takes the chairman by the head
and charges, and there's the bulldog, bringing Anarky down! Into the cover -
there's a TWOOO and Anarky kicks out of that!

MN: Mark it on your calendars, kids. Beau Michaels used a move without
molesting his opponent!

DM: And now he rolls over for a victory roll! There's a one - TWO - and a
kickout by the chairman.

DT: Anarky tenacious here as he stumbles to his feet a bit blindly - NO,
Michaels shuts him down with a kick to the gut. Irish whip - Anarky with the
reversal and Beau into the ropes - REVERSE CRESCENT KICK BY ANARKY but
Michaels grabs ahold of the rope and Anarky falls to the mat! Michaels
capitalizes with a leg drop!

DM: There's a pin - one - TWO - Kickout by Anarky again!

DT: This match not over yet, as Michaels looks out into this booing Atlanta
crowd! Pulling Anarky up... he's got him in a standing headscissors... could
be looking for a powerbomb!

DM: Taking his sweet time!

[The camera zooms in a little on Michaels standing there with Anarky's head
between his legs. He looks extremely pleased with himself.]

MN: No, I think this is pretty much what he was going for.

DM: I...

DT: That's...

DM: ...I'm gonna puke.

DT: Poor Anarky.

MN: Michaels smacks him in the back with his forearm now, and I think he's
gonna drop him with a faceplant or something.

DM: Yowza, Mike Neely calling a wrestling move?!

DT: Michaels hooking the arms now - NO, Anarky wraps his own arms around the
legs and fights to a vertical base! BACK BODY DROP - No! No, Michaels wraps
his arms around Anarky's waist and is now hanging there upside down with his
face buried in Anarky's buttocks!

MN: ...Is he... QUIVERING?!

DT: Anarky just rolling his eyes... AND DROPS DOWN FOR A SITTING BACKDROP

DM: Anarky just sent a MESSAGE! He will have NONE of Michaels' crap!

DT: Now the Chairman rolling a prone, limp Michaels over and putting the
boots to him! Michaels twitching but unable to defend himself!

DM: There goes Anarky to the ropes - boosts himself up quickly - MOONSAULT
from the second turnbuckle connects! The cover - one - TWO! - NO, so close!

DT: Michaels kicking out of the big moonsault, but Anarky undeterred as he
takes ahold of Michaels' legs and turns around! Backs up - leeeeans and
CATAPULTS Michaels face-first into the corner!

MN: DENTAL PLAN! He'll need it!

DT: As Michaels staggers back, Anarky's there - SAVATE KICK brings him down!
And immediately to the ropes he goes - springs to the top rope - drops to a
sitting position and WHAT A SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT from the chairman! Cover
- one - TWO - another kickout by Michaels!

DM: Michaels may be flamboyant, but he's tenacious here against Anarky!
Either he wants to win, or he wants to hold out long enough to, uh. Heh.

MN: Family show?

DM: I wish. God how I wish.

DT: Pulling a dazed Michaels to his feet, Anarky sets him up... there's a
big chop! And another! Irish whip by the chairman - wait a second, Michaels
baseball-slides to the floor and takes a powder!

DM: He needs to catch his breath! Anarky's got his number here!

MN: ...Is that the Chicken there giving him an inspirational speech?

[Cut to the floor, where a panting, visibly harried Michaels is being
clucked at by a concerned Chicken.]

DT: Looks like Michaels being advised by his manager here and OHHHH MY



DT: What a - can we see that again?!

[The screen splits for a moment, showing a slow-motion recap of Anarky
leaping like a madman over the top rope, twisting through the air and
hurling himself recklessly into Michaels and the Chicken. All three collapse
in a pile of bodies and flying feathers.]

MN: Man, what an insane move, just throwing himself at them!

DM: Vintage Anarky! This man will do anything to escalate the violence! This
man will do anything to hurt people!

DT: Our competitors are beginning to recover... it's Anarky up first, and he
SMASHES Michaels' face against the ring apron! Once more for good measure,
and he rolls him into the ring!

DM: And he's heading for the corner!

DT: As Michaels comes to his feet, Anarky clambers up the turnbuckle from
the outside... a dazed Michaels turns, and ANARKY JUST SPEARS HIM FROM THE

DM: The Chairman is in a fighting frenzy! He's just pummeling the living
daylights out of Michaels here!

DT: Michaels getting those legs up to leverage Anarky off of him - both men
springing to their feet, and Anarky just BLISTERS Beau Michaels with a huge
chop across the chest! Another hangs him up in the ropes - and the
clothesline sends Michaels to the outside!

MN: Listen to this crowd! They're warming up!

DT: Beau Michaels is in a daze outside as he comes unsteadily to his feet -
Anarky yelling at him to bring it! Anarky telling him to quit playing around
and bring it!

DM: And it's about damned time! This is a wrestling match, not a circus!

DT: Cautiously, Beau Michaels approaching the ring.

DM: Anarky driving the boots into the head of the entering Beau Mi- oh, no,
Michaels backs off in the nick of time - and reaches up and hotshots
Anarky's neck off the top rope! Anarky's stunned!

MN: He'd rather be touching Anarky's OTHER head! Haha!

DT: EPW's most flamboyant star boosts onto the apron. Anarky recovering now
- Michaels springs from the top rope and OH SPRINGBOARD HURRICANRANA AND



--OH, Anarky kicked out! --Michaels boosts up and DRIVES his, uh,
undercarriage down across Anarky's face again! Again he drops his weight
down across Anarky's face - and grinds his rear end down!

DM: There's actually strategic value in this disgusting display. He's
wearing Anarky down for the next pin cover!

MN: AND fantasizing.

[Cut to a camera shot of Michaels grinning like he's just won the lottery.]

DT: That sick sick man! Now Michaels to his feet and taking Anarky by the
hair - stiff European uppercut there and you could just HEAR the smack of
flesh on bone. Michaels now, with the Irish whip, and short-arms him back
into a brutal hook kick to the point of the chin! Down goes Anarky!

DM: Looks like Michaels is about to get back in the driver's seat!

DT: A thoroughly brain-rattled Anarky stumbling to his feet! Michaels
setting him up now! Scoops him up! OH, HUGE Samoan Drop! Anarky is down and
Michaels into the cover! This is all over!



--Anarky kicks out!

MN: Wow, could it be that Beau Michaels CAN wrestle without rubbing his
unmentionables against people?! What a shock! Maybe we can let the children
watch again!

DM: Yeah, I guess it isn't a family show anymore.

MN: Come on, Chairman! Kick his butt! Do it for the soccer moms, and for all
the little Narkamaniacs who can't watch because of Beau Michaels and his
fruity jokes!

DM: ...Narkamaniacs?

MN: Well, yeah!

DT: A frustrated Michaels punching the ring in frustration here -

DM: Copyright much, Neely?

DT: -and now boosting Anarky off the canvas. He's got him up for the
suplex... and now he's... he's marching around the ring with the chairman
elevated for that suplex! Listen to this crowd, all over Beau Michaels!

MN: He only WISHES they were all over him. If you know what I mean.

DT: And down he goes with the huge vertical suplex to the Chairman of EPW!
Michaels now preening himself, much to the anger of this partisan Southern
crowd! And he's going to the corner!

DM: Michaels climbing to the top rope! He's scouting Anarky for the big

DT: Looks like Anarky's stumbling to his feet - Michaels clasps his hands
and looks for the double axehandle! Leaps off the ropes and MY GOD ANARKY



THREENO!!! So close!

MN: OH MAN! Anarky caught him right out of the blue, but I think he's out!

DT: Both men are laid out here on the canvas! The referee beginning to

DM: Michaels seems to be getting up first!

DT: They're coming about slowly... and indeed it is Michaels up first!

MN: Michaels knows ALL about getting it up. Haw haw!

DM: ...I WISH it were still a family show.

DT: Michaels with the big chop to Anarky... Anarky fires back with one of
his own! Michaels chopping now! And Anarky! And Anarky! And Anarky! And the
Chairman's all fired up!

MN: Woohoo! He's Narkin' up!

DT: Anarky backing Michaels into the ropes! Irish whip! The reverse crescent
kick turns Michaels inside out! Michaels springs to his feet in pain - kick



THREE - NO! Almost had it, but Michaels got the shoulder up!

DM: Anarky not letting him go for an instant! Pulling him immediately back
up, and there's a swinging neckbreaker! And the Chairman puts the dot on it

DT: The referee trying to force him to break it up! He does, at three - but
stomps on Michaels' chest for good measure! Now pulling him up to his feet

MN: Wonder what he's got in store now?

DT: Irish whip from the Chairman - Michaels into the ropes - Anarky
CLOTHESLINES but Michaels ducks it and looks for the crucifix! The legs and
arms wrapped around the arms of Anarky, but the Chairman isn't going down!

MN: Of course he's not going down! He doesn't swing that way!

DT: Michaels fighting - but Anarky hits the reverse and PLOUGHS Michaels'
mid-back into the corner! Michaels grimacing in pain as he slouches against
the turnbuckles!

DM: He just DROPPED off of Anarky there! Just sitting in the corner like a
limp noodle!

DT: A very focused-looking Anarky now turning to Michaels in the corner...
wait, no, Michaels in a daze! Grabbing ahold of Anarky's leg and clinging to

MN: He's doing more than that!

DM: Censor! CENSOR!

DT: Good god, Michaels with a desperate attempt to try and pull Anarky's
trunks down! That sick, sick bastard! He's struggling with 'em!

DM: And thank GOD Anarky just shuts him down with a big right hand to the

DT: And another right hand! And another! And another and another and another
and my god Beau Michaels has been busted open by the sheer ferocity of those
right hands!

MN: I think he was more interested in OTHER bodily fluids! Serves him right!

DT: A thoroughly brutalized Beau Michaels now going limp beneath those
furious punches of Anarky! The right hands continue to pound on the skull of
the BiSexual one!

DM: Michaels is no more than a limp noodle now! Anarky... pulling his tights
up a little! Michaels didn't get 'em down, but he came close!

DT: The Chairman scowling as he kicks a brutalized Michaels in the gut...
and there's the Chaos Breaker! Smack in the middle of the ring to a bloody
Beau Michaels! Cover -

One -

Two -

Three - it's over!

[*DING* - the bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: Here is your winneeeerrrrrrr... ANARKYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

DM: Michaels tried to play his usual games with Anarky, but in the end the
Chairman was having none of it! A decisive victory here for Anarky here


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Tre makes a deal

[CUTTO: The nameplate on the door reads "EPW Executive Office". Cassidy Stewart takes the briefest of moments to straighten his tie, his mind cycling through his sales pitch. Raising his fist to knock on the door, he is shocked backwards when it is suddenly flung open. Shocked further at the sight of the man before him. Not the suit-wearing executive he'd expected. No. 'Triple X' Sean Stevens at first looked annoyed at the obstacle before him, then smiled when he realized that the aforementioned obstacle was the unfortunate representative of Stevens' most prolific pest.]

CASSIDY: Um, excuse me--

[Stewart attempted to sidestep past Stevens into the EPW Executives' makeshift backstage office. He failed, much to Triple X's amusement. Stevens shut the door behind him and let the awkward moment cling to the air.]

TRIPLE X: Got some business to attend to with the suits?

CASSIDY: I, uh ... just a matter or two to clear up.

[Stewart anxiously shifted his briefcase from his left hand to his right.]

TRIPLE X: Right, right. Well, if you were going to talk to the Office about extending Ice Tre's contract, don't bother.

[Cassidy flushed, unbuttoning his blazer -- suddenly very warm.]

CASSIDY: Look, Sean. We've been through this. I've TOLD Tre not to mess with you. I have TOLD--

TRIPLE X: Don't bother asking them to extend his contract ... because I just CONVINCED them to extend his contract. Congratulations, Stewart. Ice Tre is about to be offered a four year deal.

[Cass collected his jaw from the floor with much grace.]

CASSIDY: ...what?

TRIPLE X: That's right. Four years. A decent bump in pay as well, I'd imagine. I didn't dwell on the details. After all, that's YOUR job. Right?

[Suddenly, Stewart felt a rush of confidence -- adrenaline -- rush over him. He latched onto it, holding on for dear life.]

CASSIDY: What is this all about, Stevens? You and I BOTH know that you'd be a lot happier with Ice Tre out of EPW and out of your hair. What is this all about?

[The 'Blue Eyed BadAss' leaned forward, nearly whispering.]

TRIPLE X: Listen to me very carefully, Cassidy, because I'm only going to say this once. Everything that I’ve ever done in this business has had a motive attached to it. You're absolutely right, I want Ice Tre to pack his fake gold chains and get the **** out of dodge, but you and I BOTH know that ain't gonna happen. Contract, no contract, that idiot's going to continue sticking his nose in my business, until I KILL him.

[Triple X paused, smiling at the thought.]

TRIPLE X: If I kill a contracted employee, there’s always the accident excuse. …or at the very LEAST, I could use an Empire Pro attorney. But if I kill a random nobody, then it’s murder, and I'm not going to jail for ANYONE. But, I’m a reasonable man, Cassidy. Very reasonable.

CASSIDY: You? Reasonable?! Is that what you're telling yourself these days, Sean?

[Cassidy was dripping with sarcasm.]

TRIPLE X: Don't sass me, Cassidy. Consider Tre's 4 year extension a … peace offering.

CASSIDY: And, what are the 'terms' of this ... offering?

TRIPLE X: The terms are simple. Keep your boy out of my title match later on this evening. That punk has been sticking his nose in my business from the moment I beat his scrawny little ass in the second round of the King of the Cage, and I KNOW he fancies my title match as the perfect stage to make a statement. Tell Tre that he's GOT his deal; tell him that he's got a couple extra dollars to spend on one of those platinum and diamond grills I hope he swallows. But, most importantly Cassidy … tell your boy that his fetish with me ends RIGHT NOW.

[Stevens extended his hand, to which Cassidy unenthusiastically accepted.]

CASSIDY: I'd say we have ourselves a deal. I'll make sure Tre stays out of your match tonight—

[Cassidy tried to break the handshake, but Sean yanked him in closer.]

TRIPLE X: – you had BETTER. Because if you don't, you won't HAVE a job, or a client to represent, because I'll put Tre in a wheel chair, PERMANENTLY.

[Stevens broke the handshake, as Cassidy slowly backpedaled in the opposite direction until he was out of sight.]

TRIPLE X[mumbling to himself]: …speaking of the King of the Cage. One down, one more to go.


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Karl "The Dragon" Brown (c) vs. Foxx - EPW Intercontinental Title

[Cut back to the broadcast booth]

MN: Yikes!

DM: Looks like Ice Tre is gonna be around a while!!

DT: Thanks to Sean Stevens….but I don’t think this is necessarily good news for Ice Tre. Maybe he should’ve taken off when he had the chance.

MN: I dunno. Ice Tre’s a pretty smart guy. He can figure it out.

DM: I don’t know about that, Neely. I’d say he’s about your intellectual equal.


[Dean and Dave just stare at Mike, smiling.]

MN: What?!

DT: Let’s just go to our next match.

TONY FATORA: Th’ following contest is scheduled for one fall, with no time limit, and is for the Empire Pro Wrestling INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!

Introducing first, the challenger…

[CUE UP: “Angel Witch” by Angel Witch, as a spotlight focuses on the entranceway. As the main guitar kicks in, the crowd give a huge cheer as Foxx steps out from behind the curtain, stretching at the top of the ramp for a few seconds before walking down to the ring, lapping in the adulation]

TONY FATORA: Weighing in at one hundred and thirty four pounds, and hailing from San Antonio, Texas… she is the number one contender…


DT: What an opportunity for Foxx tonight, stepping up from the TV title to face the almost two year Intercontinental Champion!

MN: Who’s she beaten though?

DM: Troy Douglas.

DT: Karla Starr.

DM: Ninja K.

DT: Jared Wells.

MN: …besides them.

TONY FATORA: And the opponent…

[CUT the lights, a few seconds before we CUE UP “Rainmaker” by Iron Maiden. The crowd goes BALLISTIC as the white and green lights cascade throughout the arena, and “The Dragon” jogs down to the ring, high-fiving fans]

TONY FATORA: From Nottingham, England, weighing in at two hundred and eleven pounds… he is the reigning and defending Empire Pro Wrestling Intercontinental Champion…


DT: And here’s the champ! Almost two years with the belt!

MN: His time to lose it.

DM: You think he’s going to lose?

MN: Yes! Miss Troy-Windham had a two year plus reign and lost, and Brown’s only IC champ!

DT: How much have you lost betting against him before now?

MN: More than I can count.

DM: Eleven bucks?

MN: At least I can walk.

DM: Not if you keep with that attitude.

DT: Guys, we’ve only got two matches left, no killing each other!

MN: …ok… so long as I get to cheer Joey!

DT: A shake of the hands, there’s the bell, and we’re under way!

MN: Sports-person-shipage? No fun!

DT: You expect something else from these two?

MN: I dunno, maybe Hardcore Dragon to come back? Is that too much to ask?

DM: Probably.

DT: They’re circling each other, I don’t think Foxx wants to get into a collar and elbow or a test of strength with Brown.

DM: He does have almost an eighty pound weight advantage, so that’d be a safe bet.

DT: Foxx charging in for a double-leg, Brown over the top, takes her down with a shoulder tackle. Off the ropes, Foxx underneath, leapfrog, Mexican no! Brown lands on his feet, back off the ropes, hiptoss attempt by Foxx, but Brown blocks it! Brown switches into a headlock, but Foxx forces him off the ropes, but Brown with a shoulder block again!

DM: Faster-paced than I expected.

DT: And it’s not over yet, as Brown forces her back to the ropes, reversal on the whip, and FINALLY Foxx takes Brown down with a leg-lariat!

MN: Woman got game!

DT: Foxx going for a cover, but Brown quickly with the kickout.

DM: And the crowd really cheering as they both get to their feet.

DT: I’m not surprised by this crowd reaction! That was a hell of a sequence!

[Brown, on one knee, smiles as Foxx, in a fighting posture, smiles back at him. The crowd keep cheering, as Brown pulls himself up by the ropes, straightening his left kneepad, before Foxx starts circling]

DT: Brown seems a little more cautious than usual.

DM: I’m not sure he’s being cautious, or just waiting. With all the impressive moves we’ve seen him pull out, we tend to forget he’s got one of the quickest minds in wrestling right now, he’s probably just waiting for the right opportunity.

DT: It might be a while before he finds it. Brown back to his feet, Foxx quickly steps in, waistlock, Brown reverses into a hammerlock

MN: Not more high-speed action!

DT: Doesn’t look like it, Mike. Brown with the hammerlock, blocking Foxx’s attempts to get out of the hold, trips her down to the canvas and switches his position!

DM: I think this is going to be the smart strategy for Brown; he’s got the weight and power advantage, he’s at a speed disadvantage, don’t try to match her for speed, just take her out, keep her grounded.

MN: I’m sure he’s done that before, wink nudge nudge wink.

DT: One, you ruined that phrase, and secondly, men and women can be friends without it going further.

DM: Mike doesn’t know that, he doesn’t even get to the friend stage with women.

[Continuing to apply the pressure, Brown pulls up on the wrist. Foxx slaps her shoulder as best she can to keep the blood flow, trying at the same time to swivel her hips to get a chance to break the hold, but before she can, Brown jumps up slightly, driving his knee into his friend’s shoulder. Unperturbed, Foxx refuses to give up, and Brown, sensing he’s not going to get a submission, switches his position again, letting Foxx get to her feet, the hammerlock still applied]

DT: Foxx in a world of hurt if she can’t break the hold.

DM: Lots of ways for her to break the hold from here though.

MN: Stupid Dragon.

DM: One thing Brown isn’t is stupid.

MN: He’s been stupid since he stopped being Hardcore Downtown Dragon Brown.

DT: Foxx trying to run round the ring… is this wise? Brown’s keeping the hold on…

DM: Up the corner, backflip over and a dropkick to the back! Brown goes sternum first into the corner, and Foxx with a charge and both knees to the back!

DT: And now it’s Foxx with the advantage! Turning Brown around, a chop across the chest, steps back, spin-kick to the ribs, and the Irish whip across the ring.

[Brown goes straight into the turnbuckle chest first again, leaning against the ropes as Foxx charges in again. Hearing her, Brown ducks out and away from her splash attempt, hooking her by the waist as she turns and just THROWS her overhead with a belly to belly suplex! Foxx lands well, but a little shaken, as Brown moves in for the cover, but only manages a two count, and that just barely. Smiling, he steps back, measuring his opponent – but this time, it’s Foxx who was clearly thinking ahead, executing a perfect forward roll to duck under the clothesline attempt. Using her momentum, she rebounds off the ropes, scoring with a cross body block, getting a one count before Brown kicks out, and both wrestlers spring to their feet]

DT: More fast action, they’re not leaving anything behind are they.

MN: Meh. Not enough blood or nudity.

DM: I’m amazed. A woman’s out there and Mike isn’t drooling.

MN: She’s wrestling a Brit, you know their teeth suck.

DM: Teeth can’t suck…

MN: But Foxx

DT: I’m gonna cut you off there. Both competitors standing poised, middle of the ring, Foxx saying something… what’s going on?

DM: Looks like she’s calling for a martial arts contest?

MN: No way!

DT: I think I’ve got to agree with Dean, Brown’s smiling back.

[In the ring, Foxx has taken a fighting stance, as Brown just smirks, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “You sure?” he says, as the referee tells the two to go back to the action, but Foxx ignores the ref, nodding at Brown. Shrugging his shoulders slightly, Brown steps his right foot back, turning it ninety degrees, and adopts a perfect fighting stance of his own… just in time to block a high turning kick to the head! Foxx swings again, this time a straight punch aimed at the chest, but Brown blocks that too, pushing her away with a push kick to give himself room to aim a spinning side kick. Foxx spins around, dodging the blow, and manages to connect with an elbow to the back, but as she goes for a sweep, Brown jumps, turning in mid-air and narrowly missing with a turning kick. The crowd aren’t really sure what to make of the martial arts display, as the two trade blows and counters, neither able to land a decent enough blow to win the contest, until Foxx aims a front snap kick for Brown’s solar plexus – a costly move, as it transpires, as Brown deflects the kick with an inner-midsection block with enough force to knock the vixen off balance. Staggered slightly, Foxx is unable to block the light half-turning kick to her ribs, nor the push-kick to the chest, which knocks her to the canvas. Brown quickly steps in, looking as if he’s going to execute a karate side-stomp, but, seeing Foxx back away slightly, decides against it, backing away himself and letting her get to her feet]

DT: Wow! I never knew those two were so good at martial arts!

DM: Foxx did better in that than I expected, Brown’s actually a fourth level black belt in taekwondo.

DT: Really?

DM: Would I say it if it wasn’t true?

MN: Yes.

DT: Regardless, neither seems to be able to get much of an advantage right now.

[The crowd cheers, as Foxx manages to get cautiously to her feet, only to be met with a boot to the gut by Brown. Using the advantage, he hooks her arms, executing a double-arm suplex. Rather than going for the pin, he picks her back up, slamming her down and dropping the elbow across the chest. Picking her off the canvas again, he whips her across the ring, connecting with a drop toe-hold on the rebound, and floats over into a side headlock. Foxx, though, managed to get one hand in the way, meaning Brown is unable to lock his hands, and, after a few seconds struggle, Foxx manages to get to her feet, spinning out of the hold and applying her first real hold of the match, a wrist-lock. Instinctively, Brown reaches out for the ropes, but Foxx switches momentarily to an armdrag, launching him into the middle of the ring, where she steps one leg over to stop him rolling away from the hold, bending back on his wrist and elbow against her thigh]

DT: Very nice moves there from Foxx, getting out of trouble and putting Brown on the back foot!

DM: It’s not what I expected, but she has shown hints of her potential in the past. You don’t get so many big-name scalps without being talented.

DT: And the way she’s positioned herself, Brown can’t do much except take the pain.

MN: I didn’t know he was into that kind of thing.

DT: I’ve never asked him, nor do I intend to. He’s in trouble the longer he stays in the hold though.

DM: But he’s not exactly going to submit to this.

[True. He does, however, try to get out of the hold, trying to force Foxx’s leg away to give himself room to move. Seeing what he’s doing, she gets to her feet, using the wrist-lock to control him, and drives a knee in his gut, followed by an elbow to the arm. Turning his wrist in one hand, she runs over to a corner, up the ropes, and comes off with an armdrag/DDT combination. The crowd cheer the sudden athleticism, as she turns Brown over, holding one arm down and covering him]

DT: One


And the kickout by the champ.

MN: She’s surprising me.

DT: But you had her down to win the title!

MN: I’m surprised she’s taken so long to do it!

DT: She’s in control right now though, picking the champ up off the canvas, and a side Russian leg-sweep takes him back down.

DM: She may have the advantage, but having and keeping are two different things.

DT: Yes, but can Brown come back? Foxx going right back to the arm, bending it back at the elbow.

DM: But Brown managing to get to his feet pretty quickly this time, he’s shaking his head, forces her back to the ropes…

DT: Irish whip far side, Brown ducks under, leapfrog… TILT a whirl! Brown with a tilt-a-whirl slam may have just shut down Foxx!


No! Kickout by the challenger this time!

DM: See? Just like that, there is why he’s the Intercontinental Champion.

[Unperturbed by the two count, Brown lifts the smaller combatant to her feet, hooking her head, and delivering a snap suplex. He floats into a cover, but Foxx kicks out before the referee can leap over the two and into position. Shaking his arm out, Brown picks his friend back from the canvas, and rocks her with a right hand. Grabbing her leg, he executes a dragonscrew leg-whip, dropping the elbow into her inner thigh and pulling back, bending the knee in one of the many ways knees aren’t meant to go. The referee asks Foxx if she wants to give up, but she shakes her head, grabbing Brown by the chin and trying to get him to loosen his grip]

DM: Always a smart move to take someone’s legs out.

DT: But Foxx really trying to get out of the hold, pulling hard back on the chin.

MN: I want hardcore.

DM: Bad Mikey.

DT: Brown pulling back on the leg still, and look at the pain on the face of Foxx – in the right hands, each of these moves can be a match ender, and Brown is definitely one of those who can do it.

DM: Take nothing away from Foxx, though – she’s going to be a world champion if she keeps going and doesn’t get discouraged.

DT: Brown with the leglock still applied, Foxx again trying to force the break, but Brown’s having none of it.

DM: I’d head to the ropes.

DT: But Brown’s leaning back, pulling back on the leg, I’m not sure if she can move.

MN: She’s used to being under him.

DT: Either you’ve been spying on them, or you’re an imbecile.

DM: I’d go with the latter.

[During the habitual insult-throwing amongst the commentary team, Brown’s released the hold, only to stamp on Foxx’s left hamstring three times. The referee asks him to let her back to her feet, but Brown simply yanks on the leg, lifting the smaller combatant clean off the canvas, before she slams back down. Rather than repeat the move, Brown this time does lift her off the canvas, taking her down with a side slam in a rare display of pure-overpowering behaviour from the lightweight. He attempts a cover, but only gets a two count; rather than being perturbed, he quickly rolls Foxx onto her stomach, and, with one foot on the back of her leg, falls over her, lifting her lower body off the canvas, and stretches her leg]

DT: Just listen to Foxx! The pain on her face!

DM: She’s lucky she’s so flexible, but Brown falling down like that added a lot of strain to the hold.

MN: Don’t tell me I’ve lost more money!!

DT: Foxx trying to reach out to the ropes, but she’s in a lot of pain, she can’t straighten her arm out far enough.

DM: She’s only a few inches away.

MN: Come on, woman!

DT: She’s straining, trying to reach… makes it! Brown’s got to release the hold!

[Smiling, the IC champ breaks quickly, rolling away and letting Foxx stretch her leg as she tries to pull herself to her feet. She takes her time, slowly trying to straighten the leg out, but Brown quickly charges in, hooking her in a waistlock from behind, and takes her overhead with a fierce release German suplex! The crowd groan as Foxx lands badly, legs over-head, and she falls to the canvas holding her neck.]

DT: One!!


THNO!! I thought she was done-for when she landed like that, it’s a testament she didn’t break her neck!

DM: She wasn’t expecting Karl to go for the suplex like that I think, so she wasn’t prepared for the landing.

DT: Is there anything you can do to protect yourself?

DM: If you can tell it’s coming you can make sure you land properly. The problem with some wrestlers is they’re so quick at hitting the move you’ve barely got time to register what’s coming.

DT: At a guess Brown’s one of those, as he takes her down again with a stiff short-arm clothesline. He’s being very methodical, we’ve come to expect that from him since he won the IC title, as he goes right back to the leg with the spinning toe-hold! Winding up… and again! Foxx isn’t going to be able to use that leg much longer if this keeps up!

MN: BAH! Next time, I’m betting on him to infuriate me!

DT: Brown holding the leg, dragging Foxx back into the centre of the ring… figure four leg lock! She’s got nowhere to go!

DM: And Brown’s been focusing on different parts of the leg. I don’t think he’s been trying to get a submission until now, he’s just been working over every part of the leg, the knee, the hamstring, the calf and ankle with the spinning toe-hold, and now he’s working on the knee and quads.

DT: Foxx is trying to fight it, but Brown’s just been unrelenting since he took the advantage.

MN: She’s got no hope. My money, down the drain!

DT: Her chance at the Intercontinental Championship down the drain if she can’t figure a way out of this.

DM: She’s reaching for the ropes, but they’re way too far away.

[And, if that wasn’t enough, Brown lifts himself up on his arms, applying even more pressure on the legs of the vixen. She lets out a yell and, in frustration, slaps the canvas, as the crowd try to get behind her. The referee asks if she wants to submit, but the response is less than polite – more out of frustration at being dominated as she has the past several minutes than anything else. Brown again lifts himself on his hands, applying more pressure, and Foxx absentmindedly lets her shoulders hit the canvas – but gets them up at one]

MN: I’m guessing Brown learned something from tagging with Mrs Troy-Windham-Melton-Cruise-Michaels and Joey.

DT: Lindsay was only married to one of them!

DM: Possibly two Meltons.

DT: Anyways, Brown’s been using the figure four for longer than that, as Foxx is finding out. She’s in a lot of pain, look at her on her side there, trying to find some way out of the hold…


DT: Foxx just used her weight and spun around, flipping her legs and taking Brown part of the way with her! Brown had no choice but to go over with her or tear his knee, and Foxx has an Indian Deathlock applied in the centre of the ring!

DM: Brown’s trying to break the hold, but Foxx is pushing back and forcing his legs to bend too far for him to break out easily!

MN: BOO-YEAH! Win me the money!!

DT: Brown… FINALLY able to break the hold! What a turn of events, the figure four into an Indian deathlock!

DM: The deathlock hurts a lot more than the figure four, especially on Brown’s left knee, but Foxx’s left leg was worked over so much before and in the hold she might not be in a state to capitalise fully.

DT: She’s struggling, trying to get to her feet, and Brown’s back up on the far side. It looks like his left knee’s bothering him.

MN: She hasn’t touched it!

DM: He injured it as a kid, and all he’s ever done is a bit of rest here and there, he needs to get it cut open sometime, but he’s too proud a competitor and a champion to take the time off for that.

MN: Umph, show-off.

DT: Brown now moving in, but Foxx with a kick to the gut! Foxx using that left leg to kick out, holding the ropes – kick to the gut again! Foxx firing back, chop to the chest! Brown coming back in, Foxx ducks under HURRICANRANO!



THRNO!! Foxx BARELY kicks out as Brown blocked the hurricanrana attempt with a powerbomb!

DM: We often forget just how strong Brown really is. He’s suplexed a five hundred pound man from the top rope before, and he just demonstrated some of that strength there – you don’t need massive muscles to have strength.

DT: This must be it then, I don’t see how Foxx can come back after that. Brown picking her up off the canvas, almost peeling his friend up, and throws her back into the corner. Right hand to the face, Irish whip across the ring, Foxx sternum first into the buckle!

[Leaning back into the corner, it’s almost as if Brown’s feeling sorry for Foxx. But, with a match to win, he charges in, as the crowd gear-up for the splash…

but it never arrives! At the last moment, Foxx ducks out of the way, sending Brown crashing into the corner. Then, showing how much life she still has left, she springs forward, using Brown as almost a step-ladder, and climbs over him onto the top turnbuckle! She stands on her right leg, perfectly balanced, as she kicks Brown in the face with her heel, sending him reeling as she catches the top of his nose. His eyes watering, Brown can only stagger back, as his opponent checks her balance. The crowd are going mad for the sudden agility shown by the challenger, but before she even thinks of acknowledging it, she spots Brown in position. Leaping back, she executes a perfect backwards somersault, catching Brown with a reverse DDT!]

DT: TWO!!!

NO!! Brown BARELY, BARELY able to kick out!

DM: What a show of agility from Foxx! I’ve never seen anything quite like that, especially as we’re approaching the twenty minute mark since the opening bell.

DT: She’s managed to stay in this match, using her speed and flexibility, and we just saw why she’s one of the most dangerous opponents in the squared circle.

MN: She’s the only opponent for Brown right now, dummy.

DT: You know what I meant, Mike. Foxx picking Brown off the canvas, takes him down with a snapmare, and a somersault elbow drop to the chest!!



KICKOUT again by the champ!

DM: This is pure adrenaline from Foxx, especially with how Brown was targeting the leg earlier.

DT: Whatever it is, it’s put her in control. Foxx grabbing the arm, pulling Brown to his feet, wrings the arm and PLANTS a right hand in the elbow! Kick to the chest, and another shot to the arm!

MN: Not back to boring wrestling again!!

[No, Neely, it’s not. Still holding the arm, Foxx runs part way past her larger opponent, before jumping up and round at speed, wrapping Brown’s arm around his own neck! Holding that arm, she hooks the other into a hammerlock, before rocking her hips back to gain momentum, taking Brown down in a nasty looking suplex, him landing on his front, almost on his face]



THKIckout by the champion again!

DM: Was that move impressive enough for you, Neels?

MN: Yessir.

DT: Foxx is really showing what she’s worth out there, as she applies a straightjacket on the canvas, working over the arms and trying to get Brown to choke himself out!

MN: Lovers tiff.

DT: It’s two friends going for the same goal, Mike.

MN: Come on, we all know there’s something there.

DM: I was talking to Karl about that earlier, and he said something about only idiots thinking men and women who spend time together must automatically be an item.

DT: Mike is an idiot, though.

MN: … I’ll get Beau Michaels on you, don’t think I won’t!

DT: Foxx with her knee in the back of the champion, he’s trapped it looks like.

DM: But Foxx isn’t going to get more than a chance to rest out of this.

[She knows. A few seconds later, she stands up, before flipping over, snapping Brown over. She rolls a little further, using the ropes to help her get to her feet, as Brown, breathing heavily, gets to his knees. Not wanting to let the advantage go, Foxx springs over, hooking Brown up and turning him into a pinning predicament, but Brown’s legs are too close to the ropes, sticking between first and second ropes, forcing the break. Rolling away again, Foxx looks at Brown for a second, then the opposite ropes – and, as the Englishman gets to his feet, she sprints over, building some momentum]

DT: UP NO!! Foxx lands on her feet! Brown turns around Pelé kick! Foxx with an overhead soccer-kick to the head!

DM: She might just be able to win this!

[Landing in a cat-like pose outside the ring, Foxx takes a few seconds to recompose herself as a few fans try to reach out and touch her shoulder. Meanwhile, Brown, whose neck had bounced off the top rope, struggles to get enough air into his lungs as he holds the back of his neck. With a plan in mind, his opponent slides back into the ring, and, rather than going for the cover, grabs Brown’s left leg – and wrenches away at his knee! Taken by surprise, Brown tries to use his right leg to fend her off, but she leaps up and over, stretching his hamstring out, and seemingly trying to bend his knee in the opposite direction to what nature intended. The audible scream of pain Brown gives out is quickly replaced by another, as Foxx starts to twist the knee inwards. The fans cheer her on, as Brown tries to fight his way out of the painful hold, twisting this way and that, trying to find a way to get a shot in with his right leg that will loosen her grip.

Several excruciating seconds pass, as Brown struggles against his friend. Then, as the referee comes in closer to check if he wants to call it quits, the Intercontinental Champion kicks out again – a push rather than a strike]

DT: Brown sent the referee into Foxx!!

MN: No way!

Crowd: BOO!!!!

DT: The fans letting the champ know how they feel about that one, and I agree with them!

MN: He didn’t mean it, I’m sure he didn’t!

DM: I’ve got to go with Mike here, much as it pains me – I don’t think he intended to push the ref into her.

DT: Are you two watching the same match I am? It looked to me like he deliberately pushed there.

DM: Who’s the ex-wrestler, and who’s the lowly play-by-play?

DT: Regardless, Brown’s caught a lucky break, I think the force of the referee going into her has winded Foxx. Who’d’ve thought these two friends would go at it like this?

DM: I’m guessing Foxx is one of the few people who knows exactly how badly you can hurt Brown’s knee if you twist it the wrong way, so she used it to try and win – you do what you have to if you want to win the title, I’m sure Lindsay’s going to do the same if she gets the chance against Melton.

DT: The referee’s admonishing Brown now he’s got his bearings back.

[Not that the champion is paying much attention, as he gingerly gets back to his feet, careful not to rest more weight than necessary on his left leg. He struggles over on one good leg to Foxx, kicking her in the leg, and catches her with a European uppercut, rocking her back. Instinctively, he reaches down to his knee, before grabbing her by the head, and executing a swift brainbuster – no stalling, just straight up, and down]



TNO!! Foxx manages to kick out of that SICK looking brainbuster!!

DM: And Brown’s looking frustrated. I don’t think even he knew how much fight she had in her, he’s not been holding back since the first couple of minutes, but he still can’t put her away.

DT: Scooping her off the canvas – he’s signalling for the end!



DM: She’s rolling through!!







DM: No it isn’t!!




[The crowd can’t believe it either, as the referee signals to Foxx that Brown just managed to get his right shoulder up half an inch from the canvas. Holding her head, she’s not sure what to do next, a thousand and one things rushing through her head – if she went for the Vixen’s Dive, would he counter it? Does she have the strength left to use the Vixen’s Tail? Is there anything else she can do? All these questions and more, as she kneels next to her friend, before deciding something, anything…

She leans down, intending to pick Brown to his feet, but Brown catches her in an inside cradle! But fortunately for her, she goes into the ropes, forcing Brown to break the hold before even a one count – but he keeps a light hold of her]

DT: Both combatants, trying to get to their feet…

DM: This has been an incredible match, it’s a good thing it’s no time limit.

DT: Brown with Foxx by the hair, forces her back into the corner – DRIVES the shoulder into the gut! Could we be seeing a superplex coming up?

DM: Something big.

DT: The Dragon with Foxx up on the top rope, moving up to join her… hurric

Crowd: *pop*


DT: Foxx just elevated Brown up and to the outside!! I can’t believe it!!

DM: And Brown’s hurt, he didn’t land well.

DT: Foxx is still on the top rope, but the referee’s not counting yet, I think he’s worried Karl might be really injured.

[That’s precisely what the ref is asking the champ – “Are you OK? Can you continue?” Brown’s still conscious, he can tell, as Foxx slides herself down off the ropes to the inside of the ring. Stepping back, the referee starts his count, as Brown rolls onto his back, holding his left knee. Foxx stares down at her friend, as the count reaches three, and Brown starts to try and get to his feet – rolling to the barricade, and pulling himself up with it. The crowd count along as the ref gets to five, fully expecting Foxx to add another high-profile scalp to her impressive resume]

DT: It looks like Mike’s going to win that bet.

MN: Finally!

Crowd: Six!

DM: Not if it’s a count-out.


Crowd: SEVEN!!

DT: Brown’s almost to his feet though, will he beat the count?

Crowd: EIGHT!!




DM: That was smart and dumb! If the ref goes for a winner he won’t count now, or it could end up being a double count-out.

DT: Brown’s probably lucky Foxx is eighty pounds lighter than him, that would’ve been DEADLY from some guys.

DM: Only someone like Dalkichev, but yes, Foxx’s weight coming down wasn’t all it might have been.

DT: Foxx picking Brown up, leaning him back against the barrier – CHOP across the chest! CHOP FROM KARL!

Dm: Right hand by Foxx, Brown with a knee to the gut

DT: SMASHES her head off the barricade!!

[Some of the crowd boo, but the majority cheer as the two battle outside the ring. Brown twists the arm of his friend, before attempting a hook-kick to the face, but Foxx manages to bend back far enough that Brown narrowly misses – and also has nowhere to put his foot down without losing his grip on her arm! Quickly standing back up, she manages to trip Brown, who lets go of her arm and stumbles back. Using her agility, she darts past him, taking him down with a neckbreaker right in front of the announce table!]

DT: I think the referee’s letting them go at it, the challenger’s in control! All she’s got to do is roll him back into the ring and she could have it!

DM: Not quite.

DT: Huh?

[Dean’s right. As Foxx tries to lift Brown onto the apron, he catches her with a fireman’s lift, holding her across his shoulders for a few seconds, before dropping her down with a Death Valley Driver onto the concrete!! Foxx’s neck seems to take the brunt of the damage, but Brown doesn’t stop there. Picking her off the floor, he drives her back into the apron, spine first, before lifting her up again]



[Foxx, however, struggles, not wanting to be put in Cameron Cruise’s signature move. She manages to stop Brown from hooking it right, landing behind him. She’s breathing heavily, but, with no time to waste, spins round and catches a turning Dragon in the gut with an elbow. Doubled over, Brown is almost helpless as Foxx executes a somersault legdrop across the back of his neck. The crowd are loving the action, really giving it up for the feisty challenger, who soaks in the applause for a few seconds. She looks around, into the ring where the referee is trying to get them to take it back inside, and out at the crowd. She notices the announce table, out of the corner of her eye, and a plan formulates – the way to beat her friend, by doing something he was known for. She points at the table, as the crowd, sensing what’s coming, go wild]

DT: What’s she planning??

DM: Something that makes me think we should move.

MN: What?!

DT: Foxx rolling Brown onto our announce table… HEY!!

[The announce team ditch their headsets, as Foxx climbs up after The Dragon. Slowly, not wanting to move her neck too much, she picks him up by the head, and hooks him for a vertical suplex. The crowd are on their feet, the sound deafening, as Foxx steadies herself, bracing for the weight, and lifts…

But Brown slips out and behind!! Without thinking, seemingly without even knowing where he is, the Intercontinental Champion grabs both of Foxx’s arms, hooking a Full Nelson in place]

Referee: Don’t do it!!

[A loud cheer erupts, but very quickly dies down into a concerned silence, as what just happened sinks in, as Foxx slumps down, laying motionless on the concrete floor. The referee springs out of the ring, straight to the two combatants, as Dave Thomas gets his headset back on]

DT: Oh my God… we didn’t just see that did we? Can we get another look…

[We see Foxx attempt the suplex. Brown again ducks down behind, hooking her in position, and executes an almost-perfect Dragon Suplex…almost perfect, except Foxx misses the edge of the table, spilling over the edge, and landing squarely on the back of her head and neck on the concrete floor. The shot continues, as we see her legs snapping over, all her weight focused on a small portion of her neck. As we leave the replay, we can see some EMT’s sprinting down the rampway, as Brown, who’s weight had broken the announce table, lays on one side, a look of concern on his face]

DT: Ladies and gentleman… I don’t know how to describe this… Dean… what just happened?

DM: All I heard was a snap and a crack, I’m hoping I’m wrong.

DT: Can we cut to a video package already?

[CUTTO: a repeat of the earlier Beaslet spot – showing off the three t-shirts. Halfway through, the scene cuts out and goes backstage.

An ambulance is parked, it’s doors open, as security keeps a few curious onlookers back. The camera pans round to show the stretcher and medical personnel sprinting down the corridor, but the crowd around it means we can’t see Foxx too clearly. It’s all over in a matter of seconds, as a reporter just manages to break around security as Foxx is loaded into the ambulance, the doors slammed shut]

Reporter: Hey! What’s going on?

EMT: Out of the way!

[The ambulance starts to pull away, the general noise of the crowd splitting to both sides of the screen as the ambulance passes. It waits until it’s outside before turning on its siren, and we can hear it fade into the distance. The camera pans round again to show the reporter running after a figure in green and white tights]

Reporter: HEY! Karl! KARL!!

[“The Dragon”, eventually, stops, turning slowly back to the reporter]

Reporter: Any word on Foxx? What can you tell us?


Any comment?

[Ignoring the questions, the look in Brown’s eyes is enough to scare almost anyone. This reporter is no exception, as his former cock-sure attitude is replaced with an almost kittenish exterior, shirking at the sight of the Intercontinental Champion. A few seconds pass in silence, before Brown turns, and walks back down the corridor to the dressing room]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
JA vs. Kin Hiroshi vs. Rocko Daymon - Number One Contenders Match

DT: Well guys, we’ll try and get an update on Foxx but it doesn’t look good quite frankly.

DM: And what was with Karl Brown not even seeming to care? That’s odd from a guy who acted as her mentor lately.

DT: Well, the show must go on – and we’ve got another Triple Threat match coming our way… The winner of this will determine who the NEXT Number One Contender for the EPW World Heavyweight Title will be. Will it be, KIN HIROSHI… ROCKO DAYMON… or JA?

DM: All three men have made it into this match from their impressive performances at Wrestlestock.

MN: What do you mean, Dean? JA LOST his match! Nobody likes a “runner-up”. And I would hardly consider that garbage match with that hobo “impressive” on Hiroshi’s part…

DM: Well, at least neither guy had to beat the hell out of his WIFE to get into this match, like Rocko Daymon!

MN: Ah, he was just puttin’ the ***** in her place. Besides, they have a complex love-hate relationship. You wouldn’t understand, because you’ve had more wives than I’ve been in liquor stores.

DT: Wow… that’s a lot of wives.

DM: The both of you shut the hell up!

DT: Looks like the competitors are ready to make their way to the ring…

[“Wings of a Butterfly” by H.I.M. plays over the PA… and the audience EXPLODES!! Spotlights hit the stage as a brilliantly waving flag of Japan rolls over the Empire-Tron. Moments later, the words “Do YOU know the MUFFIN MAN?!” scroll by.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen… the following event is a triple threat contest set for one fall that will determine the number one contender to the EPW World Heavyweight Title. Introducing first… hailing from Seattle, Washington… he weighs in at 240 pounds…

He is the MUFFIN MAN…


[The Muffin Man, in all of his excellence, HITS THE STAGE and the crowd POPS as if Jesus himself walked out! Pyros EXPLODE down the rampway as he works the crowd over, looking pumped and ready! Proudly, he makes his way to the ring, slapping hands with some of the fans!]

DT: Kin Hiroshi looking ready for a fight tonight! He went through HELL in his match against Stalker… and I have no doubt that he’ll go through WORSE for an opportunity at that title!

DM: This guy’s got everything. Good form… great attitude… the fans love him… he works well with the management… he’s just MADE to be a great professional wrestler.

MN: Yeah, he sucks balls.

DM: …and just what makes you think that, Mike? Share your “expert” opinion, cause as we all know, you’ve spent YEARS in that ring while I’ve done nothing over the course of my entire career.

MN: Hey, Hiroshi’s not bad, but come on… don’t you guys remember Wrestlestock? He could BARELY finish off that hardcore hobo! What makes anybody think he has a chance tonight?

DT: Kin Hiroshi thinks he has a better chance than either of the other men in this match… and he’s here tonight to PROVE that point!

[Hiroshi hops onto the apron and enters the ring… going to the turnbuckle and climbing to the second rope, flashing a BRILLIANT POSE with his arms held out to the sides! Flash photography goes off EVERYWHERE!]

[Moments later, the opening riffs from "Death Is This Communion" by High on Fire thunderously resound over the PA. The audience immediately releases a prominent, though generally mixed, reaction as Caitlyn Daymon appears from the entry-way and stands at the top of the ramp with a mic in hand.]

CDaymon: Ladies and gentlemen… introducing the man you’ve ALL been waiting to see! Hailing from “THE CITY OF DESTINY” Tacoma, Washington and weighing in at 243 pounds of PURE, RELENTLESS flesh and bone…

The Legend…

The Myth…



[An explosion PEALS over the stage as Rocko Daymon makes his entrance to a FLOOD of diverse reactions from those who hate him out of spite and those who know a TRUE professional wrestler when they see one! Rocko stares into the sea of fans for several moments with his fist held high in the air, then nods and smiles to his wife before the two make their way toward the ring, walking like professional wrestling royalty.]

DT: And here’s yet another competitor who’s had a dominant run through the roster since his return to Empire Pro a long while back.

MN: I’LL say! You know, I was never sold by this guy, cause… you know, compared to guys like MELTON, he just doesn’t hold a candle. But I’ll tell you, I was TOTALLY bought over by that brawl with his wife! This guy has BALLS! I mean, he’s a MAN! A MANLY man!

DM: I disagree. Sure, he’s got power and tenacity… but his wrestling ability doesn’t compare to others at his level. It doesn’t hold him back, but I don’t much care for it. And he kind of acts full of himself, which I find funny, considering he hasn’t truly stepped up and proven himself to be all he claims to be.

DT: Tonight, he just may prove you wrong, Dean. Rocko Daymon looks pumped and ready to go…

[Leaving Caitlyn at ringside, Daymon climbs to the apron and scales the second rope of the turnbuckle, raising a FIST to the audience and receiving a DEAFENING reaction from supporters and haters alike!]

[When his music fades, “Eat the Rich” by Fozzie comes over the PA, and the fans COME TO THEIR FEET!! A silhouette of a man with his arms held out to the sides appears in the entry-way…]

TF: And the opponent… hailing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania… he weighs in at 219 pounds…



[An explosion ROCKS the building as the lyrics hits and JA BOUNCES to the stage, pumping up the crowd! Following him out is Lollipop, who follows him as he makes his way down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans and playing it up.]

DT: There he is… the Runner-Up to the King of the Cage tournament!

MN: Runner-up… like that’s anything to be proud of.

DM: I think you’re overlooking the face that while he may not have came out of the tournament the winner, he put up one HELL of a fight… and made it further than either of his two opponents!

DT: We can safely assume he’s going to put just as much of an effort here tonight against these two men… and perhaps a bit MORE!

[JA hops to the apron and ascends to the second rope of the nearest turnbuckle… he points to Daymon, and MOCKS HIS POSE! The crowd POPS!! After lingering for a few moments, he hops into the ring, crosses over to the opposite turnbuckle… points to HIROSHI, and mocks HIS pose as well!]

DM: I guess that’s why they call him the Guru of Gimmick Infringement!

[The music ends, and all three men reenter the ring and go to their respectful corners.]

DT: These three men have come a long way in their careers to make it this far… and TONIGHT, for one of them, it will mark the next step in their path to the top!

[The ref signals to the timekeeper and the bell RINGS!]

DT: The match is underway! JA starts things off by going after Rocko Daymon, and the two lock up! Daymon works JA into a side headlock, but Hiroshi hits him over the BACK with a hammerblow, and JA gains the opportunity to slip out of his grasp and sweep Daymon’s legs out from under him!

DM: JA brings Daymon to his feet and meets him with an ELBOW across the face to leave him stunned… takes him by the arm, and whips him into Hiroshi—who LEVLES him with a Spinning Heel Kick!

DT: Daymon pops to his feet… and gets KNOCKED BACK with a Double Dropkick from both JA and Hiroshi that sends him flipping over the ropes to the outside!

DM: Wasn’t Rocko the one bragging about letting JA and Hiroshi beat the hell out of each other while he sat back and let them have at it?

MN: Looks like it backfired.

DT: Caitlyn Daymon is helping Rocko up on the outside while JA and Kin Hiroshi turn their attention to each other. Both men step in and lock up… and Hiroshi wrestles JA into a wristlock! And JA just flips over and REVERSES the hold, sending Hiroshi onto his back!

DM: JA keeps the wristlock held in place as he proceeds to lay a few boots into Hiroshi’s shoulder… but the Muffin Man boots him back and knocks him away!

DT: Hiroshi quickly pops to his feet as JA steadies himself… JA charges in, but Hiroshi COUNTERS with a Drop Toe Hold! Hiroshi follows up by slapping on a half-nelson as JA comes to his feet… and a LEGTRIP plants JA FACE-FIRST to the mat!

DM: We’re seeing a good deal of technical wrestling in the ring…

DT: Hiroshi back on his feet, turning to Daymon, who is circling the ring, seemingly waiting for the right moment to rejoin the action.

MN: Probably thinking deep, manly things…

DT: Hiroshi’s beckoning him back into the ring… and Daymon slides inside—and quickly slides out again as Hiroshi rushes to him and tries to meet him with a stomp!

DM: Is he just playing keep away, or is he too chicken to man up and face his opponent?

MN: Watch yourself, Dean. Rocko Daymon is a MAN… man-oh-man-oh-man…

DT: JA back on his feet… quickly grabs Hiroshi on the waist while he’s distracted by Rocko! Hiroshi SWINGS AROUND and reverses the hold—and Daymon finds the opportunity to come back into the ring! He’s waiting crouched in the corner…
DM: Hiroshi trying to bring JA down… but JA COUNTERS with a Snapmare! He quickly follows up with a Full-Nelson and brings Hiroshi back to his feet… Hiroshi trying to wrestle his way out of the hold, but JA FLIPS HIM OVER with a released Dragon Suplex!

DT: JA rises… and Rocko Daymon PEALS out of the corner and NAILS A SPEAR that knocks the wind out of the Anglo Luchadore! Daymon quickly mounts up and goes CRAZY with a series of right hands to JA’s face!

MN: You see, Dean? The MAN just needs his perfect moment to strike.

DT: Daymon turns to Hiroshi, as he’s getting to his feet… runs at him, and LEVELS him with a Jumping Knee Strike that the Muffin Man had absolutely no time to prepare for! Now he turns to JA as he gets up near the ropes… rushes him and TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP with a clothesline!

DM: But JA hangs onto the top rope and doesn’t quite spill over! He pulls himself to the apron, and Rocko goes back to Hiroshi without seeing.

DT: That may cost him when JA full recuperates… Rocko bringing Hiroshi to his feet and locks on the front-facelock. He goes for the DDT—but Hiroshi stays in place, and Rocko falls flat on his back! Hiroshi quickly STOMPS him in the chest, takes him by the leg… and pulls him over with the SINGLE CRAB!!

DM: Daymon’s not anywhere near the ropes! But wait… JA standing up on the apron… SPRINGS OVER THE ROPES and BLASTS Kin Hiroshi with a Missile Dropkick!

MN: I’m thoroughly convinced that JA really isn’t as Anglo as he claims to be…

DM: Why, Mike? Because white men can’t jump?

MN: …hey, Matthews, why don’t you stop ruining my jokes and focus on the friggin’ match?

DM: Your jokes are lame, Neely.

DT: JA turns to Daymon before he can get to his feet… takes him by the arm, and cradles him to the MAT with La Majistrol Cradle! There’s the PIN!! One… NO!! Quickly broken up by Kin Hiroshi.

DM: Hiroshi and JA to their feet… Hiroshi comes at JA with a KNIFE-EDGE CHOP across the chest that nearly puts JA down…


DM: SHUT IT, Mike.

MN: …ooooo…

DM: JA steadying himself… comes back at Hiroshi with a KNIFE-EDGE CHOP of his own, knocking the Muffin Man into the ropes!

DT: Hiroshi bounces back and goes for another blow—but DAYMON jumps in the way and blocks it—delivers a KICK to the midsection of JA to knock him away… and DROPS Hiroshi with a falling armbar!

DM: I’m surprised he has ANY wrestling prowess… for a while I thought he was only capable of running around the ring, power move this and power move that.

MN: You just don’t understand, Mike… he’s a MAN. And a MAN has gotta go in there and do just what’s expected of him!

DM: …that makes absolutely no sense.

DT: Daymon meets JA as he comes to his feet… and tosses him OVER with a Hiptoss that bounces the Anglo Luchadore across the ring! Hiroshi on his knees, but Rocko puts him to the mat with a KNEE to the face! And he drops ANOTHER knee across the face for added effect!

DM: Right. If you can’t wrestle an opponent, just break his face open.

DT: Daymon bringing Hiroshi to his feet again… takes him by the head, swings him around, and drives him STRAIGHT INTO THE STEEL CORNER POST through the second and third turnbuckles! Daymon turns around… and JA meets him with a kick to the mid-section—

MN: CAUGHT by the MAN!!

DM: Stop calling him the “MAN”, Mike.

DT: And JA goes for the ENZIGURI—DUCKED by Daymon—and JA just bounces right back off the mat and CLIPS DAYMON with the heel of the same leg!

DM: Great recovery from the Anglo Luchadore.

DT: JA goes to the groggy Hiroshi the corner… and there’s ROLLS HIM UP from behind! Bridges the pin attempt! ONE… TWO… NO!! Hiroshi forces himself out.

DM: Hiroshi bolts to his feet and comes at JA—but JA drops back and FLIPS HIM to his back with the Monkey Flip! Hiroshi bouncing up again… and JA puts him down with the Japanese Arm Drag!

MN: AHA!! He’s gotta be Japanese.

DM: It’s just the name for the move, Mike. It has nothing to do with his nationality.

MN: So you think. Who knows what he really is underneath that mask?

DT: JA’s in full control, and with Hiroshi laid out on the mat, he goes to the corner and bolsters himself to the second rope… jumps off with the GUILLOTINE LEGDROP—and Hiroshi ROLLS out of the way at the last second! JA made a painful and awkward landing on his leg…

DM: Wait a second… am I seeing blood on the mat?

DT: It would appear that way, Dean. It looks like… yes, ROCKO DAYMON has been cut open right above the browline!

DM: Must’ve taken the wrong part of JA’s heel from that last move…

MN: Only real MEN bleed in the ring! It’s about GLORY and HONOR!

DM: …no, he’s losing blood, and the more blood he loses, the weaker he’ll be.

MN: You’d never understand how a MAN thinks, Dean.

DM: Right, whatever…

DT: Daymon getting himself to his feet, and seeing that he’s bleeding… but that doesn’t stop him as he goes to Hiroshi—and Hiroshi meets him with a shot to the gut before Daymon can get him up! Hiroshi with ANOTHER shot to the mid-section… and he bounces off the ropes! Daymon with a CLOTHESLINE—

DM: That went NOWHERE!! Hiroshi ducks and hits the other set of ropes… Rocko turns around, and Hiroshi DRILLS him with a Jumping Tornado DDT!!

DT: Hiroshi pops to his feet, and he’s got this crowd going INSANE!! Hiroshi with a REBEL YELL, and he’s white hot!

DM: Hiroshi meets JA with a boot to the gut… front-face lock, and hooks the leg… lifts him UP, and PLANTS HIM with a Fisherman Buster!

DT: He rolls over for the cover!



NO! JA manages to kick out.

MN: It’s a regular Japanese Civil War in that ring!

DM: Damnit, Mike, for the last time, JA isn’t Japanese!

MN: …Canadian, at least?


DT: Hiroshi back on his feet, bringing JA up with him… and he notices Daymon making it to his feet in the corner, and DUMPS JA over the ropes to the outside!

DM: Separate your opponents and work them over one at a time… that’s the secret to success in a Triple Threat match, where you normally have to keep one eye glancing over your shoulder.

DT: Hiroshi meets Daymon with an ELBOW to his bleeding face… takes him by the arm, and goes for the Irish whip—but Daymon puts on the breaks, and yanks Hiroshi into a BOOT to the gut! Daymon reaches over and hooks him around the waist… lifts him UP, and FLATTENS HIM with a Gutwrench Suplex!

MN: Looks like Rocko’s at 0.3 on the Muta Scale.

DM: …the WHAT Scale?

MN: You know, the Muta Scale. Named after the Great Muta after his long, bloody duel with Hiroshi Hase?

DM: …what?

MN: Oh yeah, I forgot… if it doesn’t include an armbar and a submission for you to beat off to, you usually miss out on it.

DM: WHAT THE—I don’t… DAVE!!

DT: Sounds like you just got PWNED, Dean.

MN: By ME of all people!

DT: Back to the match, guys… JA being helped to his feet by Lolli while Rocko brings Hiroshi back to his feet… Daymon reaches around his face from the side… DROPS HIM with a Russian Legsweep! And he keeps the hold in place as he lifts him up again…

MN: …and A SECOND Russian Legsweep from the man!

DT: Rocko Daymon bringing up Hiroshi for the third, and—he gives the CROWD a piece of his mind!

[The audience JEERS as Daymon flips them off.]

DT: And DOWN Kin Hiroshi goes from a THIRD and final Russian Legsweep! Daymon floats over and makes the cover!



NO!! Kin Hiroshi manages to kick out!

DM: It ain’t over yet! These three men have come to far to go down this soon…

DT: Rocko Daymon brings Kin Hiroshi to his feet… and outside the ring, JA boost himself up the apron, and onto the top rope!

MN: What’s HE got planned now?!

DT: JA perched and waiting behind Daymon’s back, and Daymon lifts Hiroshi UP with a Vertical Suplex—and JA comes SAILING OFF THE TOP ROPE with a MISSILE DROPKICK to the back of Daymon’s KNEE, causing him to drop Hiroshi—and the MUFFIN MAN follows through with a SNAP SUPLEX!!

DM: Rocko rolls to his feet and comes up looking disoriented… and JA catches him from behind, reaches around and hooks both arms… and NAILS HIM with the LUCKY SEVEN SUPLEX!!

DT: He quickly goes for the cover…



NO!! Kin Hiroshi makes the save.

MN: Looks like the MAN has worked his way up to a 0.5 on the Muta Scale. That’s not bad for a match to determine the Number One Contender, in my honest—if not far more superior to your own—opinion.

DT: I think any of these men would shed ANY amount of blood for a shot at the World Title! And all three are going through a great deal of pain and exhaustion to get there!

DM: It’s Kin Hiroshi’s turn to be in control as he brings JA to his feet… there’s the whip to his ropes… Hiroshi jumps UP and FLIPS JA OVER with the Hurricanrana!

DT: He hooks the legs for a cover!



NO!! JA forces himself out of the pin!

DM: JA quickly rolling to his feet… but Kin Hiroshi meets him with a KICK to the head to keep him reeling! Hiroshi catches JA around the waist… and FLIPS OVER ONTO HIS BACK with a BEAUTIFUL Belly-to-Belly Suplex!

DT: Hiroshi up and turns around… and Rocko Daymon BLINDSIDES HIM with a Clothesline out of nowhere, and both men go TUMBLING to the outside of the ring!

MN: Out of the ropes and into the rugged environment! This is where the MAN does his best work!

DM: Mike, I swear to God… stop calling him the man!

MN: …can I at least call JA Canadese?

DM: NO!!

DT: Rocko Daymon brings Kin Hiroshi to his feet… and RAMS him face first into the apron! Daymon quickly hooks him around the back… and puts him INTO THE AIR with a released German Suplex, and Hiroshi lands BACK-FIRST over the steel guard rail! SWEET LORD, it nearly looked like that broke him in half!

DM: JA’s beginning to make his way to his feet in the ring… but back on the outside, Rocko drags Hiroshi off the guard rail and back to his feet… takes him by the back of the head… and JESUS CHRIST, he just TOSSES HIM HEAD FIRST into the STEEL STEPS!!

DT: Daymon can be absolutely BRUTAL and unrelenting if given the opportunity! This match is beginning to wear on, and now he’s putting the smaller opponents to the test with an absolutely VICIOUS arsenal of moves!

MN: He eats his burgers RED and BLOODY, and downs Jack like it was water! He is a MAAANNN!!!

DM: Seriously, Mike… that’s getting on my nerves.

DT: Daymon turns back to the ring—but JA OUT OF NOWHERE, FLIPS over the top rope with a ROPE-FLIP PLANCHA!!

DM: Rocko didn’t see THAT coming at all! He got laid OUT!

DT: JA’s notable Lucha Libre roots coming into effect… he rises to the apron and waits for Rocko to rise… FLIPS OFF OF THE ROPES with a GRACEFUL Asai Moonsault that PASTES Rocko Daymon to the concrete floor!

DM: Talk about death from above!

DT: JA takes Rocko by the head and pulls him to his feet… and just DRAGS his busted open face across the RING APRON!!

MN: He’s making quite a mess! Doesn’t he consider the fact that the RING CREW has to clean this ring up?

DM: To be fair, ROCKO’S the one bleeding all over the place…

DT: JA takes Rocko by the arm, and OOH! He just whipped him into our commentary table!

MN: GOOD! Now we can get some up close and personal action!

DM: Jesus, Rocko’s bleeding all over my notes! GET OUT OF HERE, you hack!

DT: JA takes Rocko by the back of the head… LEAPS onto this commentary table, and—OH MY GOD!! He just DROVE Daymon face-first onto the concrete floor with an open-faced bulldog from an elevated height!

MN: Rocko’s slowly inching his way up the Muta Scale. I’d say he’s at 0.7.

DT: JA, now… what’s he doing? Reaching under the ring, and… he pulls out a TABLE!!


DT: JA sets the table up RIGHT HERE in front of our own table… and now he lifts Daymon off the ground and lays him over it! What does he have planned now?!

DM: Something BIG!

MN: Can’t that moron at least move the table AWAY from us?!

DM: Could be worse, Mike! He could be using OUR table, but I guess he figures the whole dropping-an-opponent-through-the-commentary-table bit has been overdone.

MN: Yeah, we got the rest of the night to see that happen anyway… the Spanish Announcers have at least three back-up tables in the back, cause it ALWAYS happens to them.

DT: JA slides back into the ring… and now he’s ASCENDING the corner nearest the prone body of Rocko Daymon!

DM: He’s got his back turned to him… could be going for a MOONSAULT—

DT: OH GOD NO!! KIN HIROSHI… out of NOWHERE, jumps onto the apron and yanks down on the top rope, and JA was just RACKED on that top turnbuckle!

MN: NOW he’s Canadian. Cause it’s a well known fact that Canucks can’t reproduce…

DM: …shut the hell up, Mike. My God, you’re a ****ing idiot.

DT: Hiroshi enters the ring… and now he’s going up with JA! Hiroshi and JA on the top rope, what’s he got PLANNED?!

DM: He’s jumping on the opportunity, that’s for sure!

DT: Hiroshi puts JA in a front facelock… LIFTS HIM UP, and GOES TO THE OUTSIDE with a FRONT-FACE SUPLEX onto the TABLE—and ROCKO DAYMON ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!


DT: JESUS CHRIST, WHAT CARNAGE!! Kin Hiroshi just SMASHED JA with that top rope face-first suplex through a TABLE on the outside!

DM: Rocko Daymon slipped out of the way just in time! He REALLY dodged a bullet there!

MN: It’s that MAN-sense that saved him.

DM: Yeah, right…

[The audience begins chanting “HOLY ****!! HOLY ****!!” After a few repetitions, they switch to “EE-PEE-DUB!! EE-PEE-DUB!!”]

DT: This audience is going WILD!! Hiroshi and JA are laid out in front of our commentary booth… and they are NOT MOVING, folks! Rocko Daymon is back on his feet, and leaning against the apron, breathing heavily! His face is an absolute CRIMSON MASK and… my God, he’s SMILING! He’s SMILING at the carnage he sees before him!

MN: Yeah, I also find it funny to see his opponents beating the hell out of each other. Makes his job THAT much easier!

DT: Wait… Daymon’s calling over his wife! Caitlyn Daymon coming around the ring, and Rocko looks like he’s telling her to whip something out…


DM: Relax, Mike. She’s not whipping THOSE out.

MN: Damn…

DT: Caitlyn pulls out… her CAMERA PHONE! Rocko steps in front of the laid out bodies of JA and Kin Hiroshi, and flashes a BLOODY GRIN and a THUMBS UP as Caitlyn takes a snapshot of the carnage!

MN: Seriously, that’d look great on his myspace!

DM: He’s just playing around now… I don’t understand how he can be having such a good time given the seriousness of this match, and seeing how much BLOOD he’s lost thus far!

DT: Rocko coming over to the commentary table… he wipes away a veil of blood from his forehead, and—OH MY GOD, he just PIE-FACED DEAN MATTHEWS with a handful of his own BLOOD!!

[The crowd MARKS OUT!!]


OH MY GOD, that was the most HILARIOUS thing I’ve ever seen!!


MN: Dood, you got OWNED right there!

DM: I’m gonna kill him!

DT: Settle down, Dean! We’ve got a match to call!

DM: Bah… come here, Thomas!

DT: Hey, wait—

[The crowd LAUGHS WILDLY as Dean Matthews takes Dave’s shirt by the collar and uses it to wipe his face clean!]

DM: There, that’s better…

DT: …ugh… you know, Dean, I have TOWEL down here.

DM: Oh well.

DT: Let’s just… get back to the match. Daymon’s finally done making a show of himself, and now he brings Kin Hiroshi—making it to his knees—on his feet, and rolls him into the ring!

DM: Hiroshi quickly back on his feet… that BASTARD Rocko climbs to the apron, and Hiroshi meets him with an ELBOW to the face! Hiroshi marches him down the apron… and DRIVES HIM FACE FIRST into the steel pole! Take THAT, you chump!

DT: Hiroshi looks hurt, but he’s making the comeback! He brings JA off the mat and WHIPS him to the corner… Hiroshi backs up for distance… and CHARGES IN, NAILING JA with a jumping KNEE across the mid-section! JA collapses on the spot…

MN: Oh, he’s gonna have the runs for a WEEK after that one!

DT: Rocko Daymon groggily drags himself back into the ring… and Hiroshi QUICKLY meets him with a stomp to the head! Hiroshi brings him to his feet… crosses over the face and hooks the leg… and swings Rocko FLAT ON HIS BACK with a Trap Suplex! He quickly goes for the cover…



OH NO!! JA with a save, running in and stomping Hiroshi over the back!

DM: Back to these two… JA brings Hiroshi to his feet… but Hiroshi SHOVES HIM BACK, and meets him with a WHEEL KICK to the face that sends him sprawling to the mat!

DT: Daymon back on his feet… advances on Kin Hiroshi, and the Muffin Man SPINS AROUND with a roundhouse kick that puts Daymon in a SPIRALLING collapse to the mat! Hiroshi gets him up… and quickly tosses him into the ropes!

DM: And JA’s back on his feet! He takes Hiroshi by the arm… but Rocko’s on his way back!!


DT: AND ALL THREE MEN are LAY EACH OTHER OUT with clothesline from all around! All men on their backs… and nobody’s moving…

DM: Man… these guys are beating the HELL out of each other!

DT: When a shot for the prestigious EPW World Heavyweight Title is on the line, these men are willing to go to ANY lengths to achieve victory! They’ve beaten themselves to the point of exhaustion! Now it’s the man who has it left in him that will determine who wins this match!

MN: Rocko Daymon is the MA—

DM: *******IT, MIKE, SHUT UP!!

DT: Wait a minute… it looks like… yes… ROCKO DAYMON is beginning to stir… and he rolls over onto his side! JA also beginning to show signs of life…

DM: The audience is beginning to get behind them… and now even Kin Hiroshi beginning to work his way to his feet!

DT: Rocko’s using the ropes to pull himself up… and now he slowly moves over to JA to bring him to his feet, and—JA BLINDSIDES HIM WITH THE BALLTAP!!

DM: OOH!! No way he could see that coming!

DT: JA BOUNCES to his feet… and just LEVELS Rocko Daymon with a Side Russian Legsweep!

DM: And now Hiroshi’s up and joining the action!

DT: JA turns around… and Hiroshi with a SPINNING HEEL KICK—and JA DUCKED it!! JA flips Hiroshi around… SCOOPS HIM UP… and OH MY GOD, just DRILLS HIM with a Tombstone PILEDRIVER!!

DM: SWEET LORD, it looked like he nearly snapped his neck with that!

DT: Hiroshi is OUT… and JA goes to the corner! He’s climbing to the top rope!

MN: Is that a good idea? Seems most of his high-risk attempts have backfired in his face…

DT: Rocko back on his feet… and he comes to JA on the corner before he can leap off onto Hiroshi! Daymon NAILS him with a forearm to the face… and now he’s going up top as well!

DM: Here we go AGAIN!! Rocko tucks JA’s head under his arm… takes him by the waist… and we could be seeing a SUPERPLEX attempt coming up!

DT: Rocko Daymon trying to bring JA over with the Superplex… but JA keeps his legs hooked into the top rope! Daymon can’t get him over!

DM: He better think of something soon!

DT: Daymon going for a PUNCH to the side to keep JA weak… but JA SUPLEXES HIM TO THE OUTSIDE!!

MN: OH MAN!! That was a sick bump!!

DT: Rocko Daymon landed BACK FIRST on the steel steps, and he looks to be in bad shape! And now JA is setting himself on the top rope, honing for the prone body of Kin Hiroshi!

DM: High risk move coming up!

DT: JA FROM THE TOP ROPE… NAILS the Frogsplash across the chest of the Muffin Man!

MN: Gonna have to call himself the PANCAKE Man from now on!

DM: Rocko better get back in the ring, or this match will be over soon!

DT: JA has Hiroshi right where he wants him… he takes him by the legs… and LIFTS HIM OVER with the WALLS OF JERICOHOLIC!!!

[The crowd EXPLODES!!]

DM: My God, looks at how TWISTED the Muffin Man’s spine looks as JA sinks that hold!

DT: Kin Hiroshi is NOWHERE NEAR THE ROPES!! He’s simply HOWLING IN PAIN and trying to resist the urge to tap!

DM: If he doesn’t, he just may suffer a career-ending injury!

DT: Just HOW FAR will Kin Hiroshi go!?

MN: There’s no way he can hold out! Look at the PAIN in his face! He’s CRACKING!!

DT: Kin Hiroshi’s trying to fight… trying to squirm… trying to CRAWL…

…but JA keeps him LOCKED IN PLACE!!

DM: There’s no escape!

DT: Hiroshi looks like he’s about to POP!!

He raises his arm…

MN: Is he going for it?

DM: I can’t tell!


OH NO, DAYMON REACHES INTO THE RING and YANKS HIROSHI out of the hold before he can tap!!

DM: ALMOST!! There was no way Hiroshi could hang in there any longer, but Rocko made the save at the last possible second!

MN: That’s why he’s the MAN!

DM: Damnit, Mike, if you say “MAN” again, I’m gonna slap you in an STF and pop your NECK right off your shoulders!

MN: Hey, whatever you say, ma—uh… dude.

DT: Daymon rolls back into the ring, but JA, obviously FRUSTRATED to see the victory slip out of his fingers, lays into him with a series of STOMPS… but Daymon makes his way to his feet! JA going for a chop across the chest… and Daymon SHRUGS it off!! Daymon comes back with a right… and a second… and finishes with a HUGE DISCUS PUNCH that puts JA to the mat!

MN: He’s upgraded to SUPERMAN!!

DM: That’s IT!!

MN: HOLY ****!!

[A tumult is heard as Dean tries to reach across Dave Thomas and strangle the life out of Mike.]

DT: Would you two SIT DOWN! We’ve got a match to call!

DM: When this is over, Neely, I’m kicking your ass!

MN: What the hell ever happened to freedom of speech?

DT: You two are being childish! Mike, stop calling Daymon the MAN, and Dean… it’s MIKE! Just do like I do and put up with it…

DM: Meh…

DT: Hiroshi has finally made it back to his feet with a little help from the ropes… but folks, he looks HURT after that submission attempt for JA! He turns around… and Rocko Daymon meets him with a BOOT to the gut—and he follows through by hooking the arms and DRILLING HIM HEAD-FIRST with a DOUBLE-ARM DDT!!

DM: And the Muffin Man is dreaming of being back on Drury Lane!

DT: Daymon is bleeding profusely and breathing heavily… but he ignores the cover attempt on Hiroshi, going for JA, who is in a futile struggle with the ropes to get to his feet! Rocko Daymon pulls him up the rest of the way… takes him by the arm, and WHIPS him to the turnbuckle! Daymon runs after him… and SQUASHES HIM with the BACK-FIRST SPLASH!!

MN: You know what’s next!

DT: We certainly do! Daymon pulls JA out of the corner and sets him up in the standing head-scissor leglock… HOOKS BOTH ARMS… but JA SANDBAGS himself! He’s REFUSING to be put down!

DM: Rocko and JA struggling in the far corner… while Hiroshi finally blinks away and rolls over onto his side!

DT: JA breaks his arms free and tries to flip Daymon over… but Daymon delivers a HARD KNEE to the shoulder—hooks the arms—and PLANTS HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE MAT with the BRAIN ROCKER!!

[The audience POPS!!]




THREE—OH NO, HIROSHI WITH THE SAVE!! Hiroshi DIVES IN with the hammerblow across Rocko’s back at the last possible second!

MN: My God, I thought he was DEAD!!

DM: An AMAZING recover from Kin Hiroshi! He was down and out, but he saw the match in jeopardy, and forced himself to his feet to make the save!

DT: Daymon SLAPS the mat in frustration… and he rises with Hiroshi, and the two start going TOE TO TOE!!

MN: Rocko’s taking hits, and it looks like he’s been busted open to a 0.8 on the Muta Scale! OOH!! A left elbow from Rocko busts Hiroshi’s lip, and he’s at 0.2!!

DT: Daymon gaining the upper hand… but Hiroshi suddenly COUNTERS a right-hand hook and FLIPS Daymon over with a ROUNDHOUSE KICK out of nowhere!

DM: Rocko’s in LA-LA land… he gets up and stumbles around the ring… Hiroshi grabs him from behind and tucks his head under his arm… and just DRILLS HIM with an Inverted Reverse DDT!! Rocko Daymon is OUT!!

DT: Hiroshi up and turns around… and JA out of NOWHERE with a Spinning Heel Kick—and Hiroshi DUCKS IT!! Kin Hiroshi grabs him from behind… and sets him onto his shoulders with the TORTURE RACK!!

[The crowd EXPLODES with CHEERS!!]

DT: AND KIN HIROSHI with ACHE-ELL-BEE ON JA!! What an OBLITERATING Japanese Burning Hammer! He makes the cover…



THREE—OH, WAIT A SECOND!! Caitlyn Daymon, on the outside of the ring, just alerted the referee to JA’s FOOT being on the bottom rope! The ref almost didn’t see that!

DM: You gotta be KIDDING me!! I bet she put his foot up there!

MN: Now you’re just seeing things, Dean.

DT: I couldn’t tell from this angle… but obviously, the victory for her husband Rocko would have been lost had Kin Hiroshi secured that pinfall.

DM: Hiroshi is LUCID!! He’s back on his feet… brings the limp body of JA up and onto his shoulders… and tosses him OVER THE ROPES AND ON TOP OF CAITLYN DAYMON!!

DT: And now LOLLIPOP is coming around the ring to where JA and Caitlyn Daymon have been laid out… she pulls JA off… and proceeds to KICK CAITLYN while she’s down!

DM: And now Caitlyn’s getting up… and she starts SWINGING BACK!!

MN: IT’S A CAT FIGHT!! Thank GOD!! Maybe we’ll get to see some TITTAYS!!

DM: Maybe after you’ve finally SEEN A PAIR, you’ll shut up about ‘em!

DT: The referee in the ring seems to have taken notice… but Kin Hiroshi has other concerns, as he goes to the corner and begins to climb! Rocko Daymon is groggily making his way back to his feet…

DM: The Muffin Man has him in his sights!

DT: Daymon up, and he turns around… and Hiroshi LEAPS OFF THE TOP—and NAILS HIM with a Cross-Body Block!

DM: Looks like that move took a lot out of himself, but Daymon’s been knocked into next TUESDAY!

DT: Back on the outside, JA is STILL out of it… Caitlyn Daymon is gaining the upper hand in the brawl outside the ring as she takes two handfuls of Lollipop’s HAIR and drives her FACE FIRST into the concrete floor! And now the REFEREE is going to the outside to split it up! Here comes security to the ring to separate these two brawling women!

MN: But they were just getting STARTED!

DT: Back in the ring… Hiroshi has Daymon in the palm of his hand! He lifts him off the mat, and sets him into the standing leg-scissor headlock… and grabs him around the waist!!



DM: My God, what a BEAUTIFUL Flip-Over Piledriver!! Rocko just went on the ride of his life!

DT: Hiroshi hooks both legs for the cover… but there’s no REF to make the three count!

DM: Hiroshi waits…

…and waits…

…and WAITS…

But the ref is halfway up the ramp, trying to split up the brawling babes with a handful of other ring officials!

MN: And they’re having a HELL of a time! Those two *****es are going INSANE!!

DT: Hiroshi has finally had enough, and he goes to the ropes, calling for the ref! But he can’t hear

[The crowd BOOS LOUDLY!]

DM: The crowd doesn’t like this one bit… but they’re not helping matters, as the ref can’t hear Hiroshi calling for him!

DT: But the Muffin Man can’t wait around all day! JA on the outside of the ring, is finally showing signs of life… and Rocko Daymon in the center of the ring is beginning to stir!

DM: Hiroshi brings Rocko to his feet… he’s going for a second N.F.M.!!!

DT: But Rocko, suddenly SPRINGING to life, yanks his legs out from under him and puts him on his back… and Daymon SLAPS ON THE TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!!

[The audience POPS!! Others suddenly BOO at this unexpected TURNAROUND!!]

MN: A TACOMA Cloverleaf!!

DM: My God, he knows a SUBMISSION HOLD?!

DT: Daymon has Hiroshi in the VERY CENTER OF THE RING, held in place and twisting his spine to an UNGODLY angle! Hiroshi’s already suffered enough from JA’s earlier Walls of Jericoholic!

DM: How much more can the Muffin Man TAKE? This match is already supposed to be OVER!!

DT: Hiroshi is SNAPPING…



DM: But STILL, there’s NO REF to be found!

DT: Daymon could have this match finished right now, but the referee is still on the rampway, amid a full-scale BRAWL between Caitlyn Daymon, Lollipop, and the arena security! Can we get some ORDER up there already?!

MN: WAIT A MINUTE… some BUM just hopped the barricade!

DT: That’s no bum…


DM: And he’s got a CHAIR with him!

DT: He must have slipped by security while they were dealing with the ladies! Stalker slides into the ring where Daymon can’t see him…



DT: OH MY GOD!! What a CHAIRSHOT across the back of Rocko Daymon’s HEAD!! Daymon goes SPRAWLING to the mat!

DM: What the HELL is this?! As if having a ref isn’t bad enough, now we need this HOBO ruining things?!


DT: MY LORD!! Stalker with a SERIES of RELENTLESS CHAIR SHOTS to the injured spine of KIN HIROSHI!!!

DM: DAMNIT, hasn’t he man suffered ENOUGH?!

DT: Stalker sets the chair on the mat… now he’s bringing Rocko to his feet again…


MN: JESUS CHRIST!! Rocko’s at ONE-POINT-OH!! He’s gone FULL MUTA!!!

DM: And he’s subsequently been laid out cold!

DT: Stalker takes the chair, slides out of the ring and hops the barricade as disappears as quickly as he appeared… and now we’re left with two bleeding, unconscious individuals in the ring!

DM: JA is FINALLY back onto his feet… and he weakly rolls into the ring!

DT: Wait a second, it looks like Caitlyn and Lollipop have finally been carried off backstage… and the referee is returning to the ring!

DM: It’s about freaking TIME! But it’s too late… the damage has been done.

DT: JA back on his feet as the referee crawls inside… I don’t think EITHER of them have an idea of just what happened!

DM: JA brings the prone body of Rocko off the mat… HOOKS HIM around the waist…

DT: KARELIN DRIVER FROM JA!! MY GOD, as if having his head driven into that steel chair weren’t enough!

DM: There’s no WAY he’s getting up from that one!

DT: JA, using every last ounce of his strength, drapes an arm over Daymon’s chest…




[The bell rings. Many fans CHEER, but others boo in light of the shady finish.]

TF: The winner of this match, and the NEW Number One Contender for the Empire Pro World Heavyweight Title… JAAAAAYY-AAAAYYYYYY!!!

DM: Well, Stalker promised he’d give JA a free win here at Russian Roulette… and I’d say he fulfilled his guarantee!

DT: What an INCREDIBLE match from these three competitors… but you have to wonder, could this match have gone on longer if Stalker hadn’t interfered?

DM: Or if the ladies weren’t quarreling at ringside?

MN: Or if Dean had half a brain?

[The referee helps JA to his feet and raises his arm in victory. JA looks exhausted, but scales the second rope, holding his arms up in triumph, and earns a POP from many fans, though the reaction is still somewhat mixed. EMTs hurry down the rampway and enter the ring, helping Kin Hiroshi come to his feet and checking on the unmoving Rocko Daymon.]

DT: Regardless of what has just unfolded here tonight, JA is the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER, and has rightfully earned his shot at the champion! Whether that individual is the current champ, Joey Melton, the former champ, Lindsay Troy, or the challenger, Sean Stevens… we’ll find out later tonight.

DM: Looks like there’s trouble in the ring!

MN: Wow, Kin Hiroshi is PISSED!!

DT: Hiroshi trying to STRANGLE the referee, and it’s taking all the power of FIVE ring officials to keep him restrained! Meanwhile, EMTs have Rocko Daymon out of the ring and are checking the wound on his face…

DM: He’ll probably need a few pints considering how much he’s bled all over the ring…

DT: And Daymon is… trying to go over the BARRICADE! Stalker is long gone, but Rocko Daymon looks like he’ll stop at NOTHING to get his hands on that man!

MN: Well, he didn’t get far… he hardly has the strength to WALK, much less hop a steel barricade!

DT: Apparently Rocko has thought better of that idea, so he’s not finally getting help back up the ramp…and here’s Caitlyn back trying to help him and he shakes off the official to accept her help.

DM: Okay, this Stalker guy… I can understand attacking Hiroshi because he’s too damn cheap and self-centered to take his defeat and stride and walk away… but why Rocko?

DT: There seems to be some history between the two of them, but… I have no idea what it is. Kin Hiroshi, meanwhile, is being DRAGGED back to the backstage area around the side of the ramp! JA also being led away from the ring on the other side of the ramp down by the sound equipment… I tell you, you could cut the tension in this arena with a KNIFE right now! NOTHING has been settled between these three men, and I have a feeling that is only a sign of things to come…

DM: Maybe. But for tonight, the glory goes to JA! It might have been an opportunistic finish, but he hung in there every step of the way and picked up the win. That’s why HE moves on to the World Title… and Hiroshi and Daymon? Well, they’ve got a loose end to deal with.

DT: We’ve got more action to come!

[The Empire-Tron flickers to life]

DM: Actually I don’t think we’re done here….!!

DT: What now??

[The scene opens up backstage, inside the dressing room of Sean "Triple X" Stevens -- in the middle of a set of pushups, to blow off some steam. Intrepid reporter slash loyal company man Mojo Massey stands nearby.]

MOJO!!: I’m here trying to get a work with Sean Stevens who has the match of his life coming up later tonight. Sean, can you give us some insight into your preparation?

STEVENS[to himself]: Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty....

MOJO!!: Sean?

[He hops to his feet, takes a sip from a nearby water bottle, and begins to pace restlessly, as the time slowly goes by. After a couple of seconds, or so…..completely ignoring Mojo…]


[.. he could no longer take it and exits his dressing room entering the hallowed halls of the arena. Once outside, he hears loud music blaring, which signaled either a match was starting or ending, an answer that he didn't know – lost in his thoughts as he was. Walking a couple of feet further, he finds himself at the Gorilla Position, as the curtain shakes, then opens, and Caitlyn Daymon walks through and they make eye contact--

She pauses, a flash in her eyes – as she realizes she needs to intervene. But her attention to her husband’s injured state would cost her….

--and, at this particular moment, she was too slow. The moment Trip sees Rocko Daymon step through the curtain on her arm, he charges him, full speed, spearing him into the brick wall of the arena's hall. Rocko, obviously tired, falls defeated to the floor.]

STEVENS: I got your *****, RoboCop.

[Stevens stomps away profusely at the fallen superstar. Kicking him in the face, and head causing his nose and mouth to bleed. Somehow during this time the Stalker comes from the hallway as well, having left through the crowd and come around to meet up with his old ‘friend’ again, caught Stevens’ glance and simply drops his chair where he stands - then drifts back into the shadows of the arena, smiling as he passes the carnage. But Triple X couldn’t care less. The only thing he was concerned about was the steel chair that he had left behind.]

STEVENS: Question, Einstein... You ever heard of a conchairto?


[The voice startles Sean as he turns to face Caitlyn Daymon, who had returned to her husband's aid.]

STEVENS: You know what, Rocko? I'll do you one better. I'm not going to knock you out, because I want you to see this...

[Sean grabs Caitlyn by the throat, pushing her up against the wall, and proceeds to make out with her -- fully resisting, of course -- before breaking the "passionate" kiss, as Caitlyn slaps Stevens in the face. Sean touches his face, then smirks, picking up the chair once more, and slamming it against Rocko Daymon's head, which was perched up against the wall. Rocko slumps over, as Sean throws the chair down at his side, and Caitlyn moves in to help her fallen husband.]

STEVENS: I'm going to say this to you one more time, Daymon. Keep my name out of your mouth....

[Sean walks away from the carnage, the scene shifting to show Mojo Massey standing nearby – jaw dropped.]

STEVENS: Hey there Mojo. When did you get here?

[Mojo just stares as Stevens playfully ruffles his hair and walks off.]


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Re: RUSSIAN ROULETTE: Atlanta, GA - 9/18/07

DT: Alright folks, obviously Sean Stevens has done a number on Rocko Daymon and in a related vein – due to protests from all three camps concerning the finish of the number one contender’s matchup, Dan Ryan has promised an announcement regarding the Number One Contender’s slot on Aggression. However, I digress. Ladies and gentlemen, the time has at last come!

MN: Hallelujah, praise to the Jebus!

DM: Lord, if you’re up there, strike this idiot down with great vengeance. Smite him. Smite him good.

DT: No more biblical bickering, children.

DM/MN: Kay.

DT: Two years ago at Russian Roulette, Lindsay Troy shocked the world by winning the World Championship from Beast and unmasking as the mysterious masked Dis. For the two years after that, the Queen was nearly untouchable, resisting all challengers as one of the most dominant champions that the wrestling world has ever seen. But, at WrestleSTOCK, the Queen of the Ring was done in like the rest of us by Joey Melton and his damn twin brother, who all but stole the World Heavyweight Championship. Tonight, by order of Dan Ryan, there’ll be just one Joey Melton in the arena, and Lindsay Troy gets her shot at him.

DM: But she’s not alone, is she Dave?

DT: Certainly not. Though only one Melton will be present, we can’t forget about the man who impressively won the King of the Cage tournament, the man who is the deserving number one contender, “Triple X” Sean Stevens. Stevens, Troy and Melton in a three way dance for the world title, kids it just does not get much better than this. Let’s meet the combatants for the main event of the evening!

[CUE UP: “Public Service Announcement," by Jay Z as the lights dimmed and the crowd cheered throughout the opening sequence of the song.

"Allow Me to Re-Introduce Myself, my Name Is…"

Fireworks. …as the curtain parted and "Triple X" Sean Stevens walked through, with his hair soaking wet, clad in a 100% cotton, "Blue-Eyed Badass™" t-shirt, black tights, with neon blue X’s on the legs and rear. Sean pauses at the top of the ramp, giving the audience the once over, then thrusts his arms in the air before continuing his walk down to the ring. Once at ringside, Sean points in the direction of a few of the members in the audience with signs promoting one of his many nicknames, before entering the ring, and hoping on the nearest turnbuckle, as his theme comes to an end.]

DT: Here is the King of the Cage, Sean Stevens, the man they call the Blue Eyed Badass!

DM: He’s been one of the best in the world for years, Dave, tonight he gets another shot to prove he deserves the title of Champion of the World.

[CUE UP: “Trampled Underfoot” Led Zeppelin. The crowd EXPLODES as the Queen of the Ring makes her way to the ring. No flashy lights, no thunderous pyro, just anger, intensity, and focus in the demeanor of the former champ.]

DT: The Queen of the Ring is here in the ATL, and guys, she looks ready to go.

MN: Oooh, Queenie’s angry. I’m sooooo scared.

DM: How many times have we determined that she could kick your ass into the Cretaceous Period, Mikey.

MN: At press time? 353205.

[CUE UP: “I Need a Hero” Bonnie Tyler. Melton walks out confidently to a chorus of boos from the crowd, though he does get his fair share of cheers. He strolls to the ring, pulls of his rope and leans against the turnbuckles.]

DT: The world champ looks confident tonight, and despite his reprehensible actions, he is STILL getting cheers here thanks to a 20 year legacy that he carved out just a couple hours north of here in Greensboro, NC. Our wrestlers are in the ring, to Tony Fatora for the introductions!

[CUT TO: Fatora in the center of the ring.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the MAIN EVENT of EPW’s Russian Roulette 2007!!! When the action begins, our referee will be EPW senior official Bryan Weatherby. This match is one fall to a finish, must be decided by pinfall or submission, and is a THREE WAY DANCE to determine the UNDISPUTED EPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!

Introducing first…

He stands six feet, two inches tall and weighed in at 245 pounds. He hails from Orlando, Florida, and enters tonight as the 2007 EPW King of the Cage. He is the Blue-Eyed Badass, he is TRIIIIIPPPPPLLLLLEEEE ECCCKKKKSSSS … SEEEEAAAAAAAAANNNN STTTEEEEEEEEEVVVVEEENNNNNSSSS!!!!!!

[The crowd cheers Stevens, who stands on the top turnbuckle and raises his arms to the crowd.]

TF: His first opponent stands six feet, three inches tall, and weighed in at 170 pounds. She hails from Tampa, Florida, and was, until recently, the longest reigning World Heavyweight Champion in Empire Pro history. Ladies and gentlemen, she is “THE QUEEN OF THE RING” … LIIIIINNNDDDSSSSAAAAAAY TRRRRROOOOOOYYYYYYY!!!!

[The crowd cheers for Troy, who barely even moves. Her eyes are locked solely on Melton.]

TF: And finally…

This man stands six feet, one inch tall and weighed in at 210 pounds. He hails from New York City, New York, and is one of the most decorated stars in the history of professional wrestling. He also enters tonight as the REIGNING and DEFENDING EPW Heavyweight Champion of the World…


[SFX: Bell rings]

MN: Is it just me, or did those intros take forever.

DM: How would you know, Mikey? You were asleep.

MN: Was not!

DM: Was too. You drooled all over my damn shirt!

DT: It’s true. It was kind of disgusting.

MN: No more talking. LET’S GET FIGHTING!

DT: And the main event of Russian Roulette 2007 is underway, and Lindsay Troy is making a beeline straight for Joey Melton!

DM: And I think Joey’s making a beeline straight for somewhere a little safer. Like say, a fortified bunker?

MN: I think I need to make a beeline for the little commentator’s room.

DM: I told you to stay away from the sweet tea, Mikey!

DT: Melton dodges to the outside, but Triple X is there to stop the champ dead in his tracks! He rocks him with a hard right hand, and he sends him right back into the ring and into the waiting hands of Lindsay Troy!

MN: Oh, what I wouldn’t do to have those hands—

DM: Stop before the lawsuits start.

DT: Melton scrambles to his feet, but the former champ is on him too quickly! She’s got Melton backed up into a corner, and she’s throwing out the catch-as-catch-can handbook and just LAYING into Joey with every stiff shot she can muster!

DM: Now, it’s usually Mike’s job to point this out, but there were about sixteen things about that sentence that were very, very wrong.

MN: Don’t I know it.

DT: Lindsay is unleashing every ounce of anger she’s got on Melton right now, and the champ has absolutely nowhere to run! Here comes Stevens to get in on the action—


DM: Tool.

DT: —but Troy wants no part of that! She elbows Triple X away and continues the assault! Left and right hands, elbows, knees, kicks, she’s throwing them all at the World Champion and connecting! Melton’s stagger in the corner … Troy takes charge … FLYING LEG LARIAT in the corner! Lindsay hops up … straight into a massive flying forearm by Sean Stevens! The Blue-Eyed Badass did not take well to being left out of the party, Dean.

MN: You talk about being left out of a party and you ask DEAN?

DM: He’s right, Thomas. Neels has probably been left out of more parties than any man in the history of Western civilization.

MN: Damn straight.


DT: Stevens turns his attention to the champ. He pulls him forcefully out of the corner … wicked short-arm clothesline and Joey Melton just about flipped completely over! Stevens looking to win early, he pins…


AND A HALF! He might’ve clotheslined Melton halfway to Savannah, but it’s gonna take more than that to take the title from him.

DM: Exactly, Dave. There might not be many people who like the way Joey Melton wormed his way into the EPW World Championship, but all those people still know it’d take more than that to take down one of the greatest stars in wrestling history.

MN: I like the way he won the world championship.

DM: That’s because you’re functionally retarded.


DM: That’s right. You don’t function.

DT: Stevens has Melton in his control as Lindsay was knocked to the outside by that forearm, and now the King of the Cage is on the prowl. He whips Melton off the ropes … catches him with a ring rocking POWERSLAM! He just absolutely CRUNCHED Joey Melton with that slam! He goes for another cover … but the former champ comes in the break up the pin, and Melton looks pleased!

MN: Not for long.

DT: Lindsay pulled Stevens off the champ, but she just wants to get her teeth into Melton as soon as she can!

DM: Do we REALLY need this much idiotic innuendo, Dave?

MN: I do. I really, really do.

DM: Didn’t we just establish the whole “retarded” thing.

DT: I established that in February 2004, Dean. It won’t stop him.

MN: No way, no how.

DT: Back to things that we’re actually PAID to talk about, Lindsay Troy’s got the champ backed into the corner again, and she is just throwing every strike in the book at him. We’re not but a few minutes into this thing, and you can already see where the welts and bruises will rise on Joey Melton once this thing is over. Bryan Weatherby tells Lindsay to break … she does … but she comes charging right back with a flying knee in the corner!

MN: Dude, Joey’s head just did that thing from The Exorcist!

DM: The power of Christ compels you!

DT: Joey staggers out of the corner … wicked snap suplex by the Queen of the Ring! She floats over for the pin …


Stevens quickly breaks it up before the count of two, and now the two challengers have both taken away a chance for the other to win the belt.

DM: If there was any way Melton would’ve been beaten by either of those moves, we might have a real issue.

MN: I may be an idiot, but I think these two have an issue anyway.

DT: Stevens and Troy are shouting at each other in mid-ring, and here go the King of the Cage and the Queen of the Ring! Lindsay’s gaining the advantage, and she’s firing hard right hands at Triple X! She steps back … clothesline misses! Lindsay turns around … and Stevens picks her up and absolutely PLANTS her into the mat with a spinebuster!

MN: Big ouchie. REALLY big ouchie. Maybe I should go comfort Lindsay.

DT: Sean Stevens is showing the form that won him King of the Cage early on tonight, EPW fans. He pulls Lindsay up, here’s an whip off the ropes … Lindsay leapfrogs Stevens … but runs straight into a dropkick by the champion, who finally looks like he knows what he’s supposed to be doing in this match!

DM: It’s probably a good idea for Melton to actually, ya know, try and get some offense in, seeing as he doesn’t have to be pinned to lose his title.

DT: Melton is reveling in the fact that he just pulled a fast one on Lindsay Troy … and Troy rolls him up! Shoulders are on the mat!



Melton kicks out! Joey Melton got a little too cocky early on and the former champion almost pulled one out of the hat! Now Lindsay pulls Melton up … she’s rolled up by Triple X!

One count … and Melton with the low dropkick breaks it up! Stevens and Troy both pop up … Lindsay shoves Sean … right into a rollup by Melton! This is incredible!


No! Broken up by Lindsay Troy! That was quick!

DM: That was … umm … a little strange.

MN: Can’t…breathe…need…oxygen.

DT: All three competitors are up after that dynamic exchange of near-falls, and now they’re all going at it together!

MN: Finally, my fantasy comes true. MENAGE A TROIS WITH LINDSAY TROY!!!

DM: Mikey, in your fantasy, weren’t YOU involved?

MN: Y’know, I thought something was strange about that. Also, in my fantasy, Sean Stevens was replaced by a really hot chick. Dude, this version of my fantasy sucks!

DT: All three are exchanging punches and kicks with each other, it’s like a youth soccer game out here, guys! I can barely follow the action, there are so many fists and feet flying around! They’re against the ropes, and Bryan Weatherby tells them to pull it apart. They do, but all three are staring at the others, none of them blinking!

DM: Did we just get the wrestling version of the Mexican F(FCC)ING Standoff?

DT: Troy and Stevens share a glance, and they head right after each other!


DT: No! They both head straight for the champ, and they pummel him! Irish whip … DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE SENDS MELTON TO THE FLOOR! The champ is certainly off his game tonight.

DM: It doesn’t help him that he has no doppelganger to bail him out and that Lindsay Troy hates him so much that she might just snap his head off in an instant if she gets the chance.

MN: Yeah, why’s everybody gotta pile on the champ? He’s cool!

DM: That’s your observation. He’s cool?

MN: Yep. That’s why I get paid the big bucks, Deano.

DT: Melton’s on the outside, and Lindsay’s going right after him!

DM: For some reason, I don’t think Joey wants to engage Lindsay as much as Lindsay wants to beat the living crap out of him.

DT: Melton’s trying to get the hell out of dodge, and he’s scrambling backwards and sliding into the ring…

MN: Survey says … BAD IDEA!

DT: Melton ran headfirst into Sean Stevens, and Triple X did not appreciate that at all! Melton begs off … Stevens CLOBBERS him with a right hand!

MN: It’s clobberin’ time!

DT: Stevens with a big right hand! And another! Melton staggers back towards the King of the Cage, who points behind Melton!

MN: I wonder what he’s pointing at?

DM: Trust me, it ain’t good for Joey.

DT: Joey turns around, and he sees Lindsay Troy! Troy steps … SUPERKICK—OH MY LORD!!! Melton ducked at the last moment and Lindsay caught Sean Stevens square on the jaw! You could see the blood spit out of Steven’s mouth as he was caught flush with that one!

[CUT TO: Split screen slo-mo replay. Stevens head snaps back violently as a gob of bloody saliva flies out of his mouth at 48 frames per second.]

DT: Lindsay’s shocked she missed her target, and Melton’s taking advantage! Boot to the gut of Troy … and a swinging neckbreaker! Joey pulls her up … hooks from behind—don’t go there, Neely—and he fires off an impressive German suplex! Melton bridges back for the pin…



NO! Very, very close to retaining the world heavyweight championship was Joey Melton right there.

DM: Melton started this one off slow, but he has come back with a fury after Troy missed the superkick, and now the champion is in the position he’s been in so often during his career.

MN: On top of a woman?

DM: No, douchebag. He’s got an advantage and he’s now going to isolate one of his two opponents to control the pace of the match.

MN: I like my idea better.

DT: Joey’s got Lindsay on the ground, and now Melton is going to work. He lines her up … and drops the knee right onto the small of Lindsay Troy’s back! Melton springs up, measures the challenger, and there’s another knee to the lower back.

DM: This is classic Joey Melton. He knows how to soften up an opponent, then slowly bring them to the point where they can’t take any more punishment.

DT: Melton is doing his best to keep Troy grounded right now, and Sean Stevens is not moving very much at all. He might’ve been knocked silly by that kick from Lindsay and that’s allowing Joey Melton to stay on the offensive. He pulls Lindsay to her feet … but she’s brought right back down with a snap backbreaker, and Melton flows that straight into a textbook Russian Leg Sweep! The champ goes for the pin…



Lindsay gets the shoulder up! The former champion showing the resilience that allowed her to keep the strap for two years.

MN: Feh. It’s just a matter of time before Melton decides to leave her crying yet again.

DM: I wouldn’t let Lindsay here you say that, Mikey.

MN: That’s what she said.

DM: No more DVDs of The Office for you.

MN: That’s what she said.

DT: Melton’s got full control now, and he’s put Lindsay into a serious spot of pain with the treatment he’s been giving her lower back. Joey pulls up the Queen, and he whips her VIOLENTLY into the far corner, and Lindsay just winced badly as she hit the turnbuckles. Melton stalks right in … and he drives an elbow hard into the side of Troy’s head! He sets up for the charge … MONSTER splash in the corner, and Lindsay Troy is both literally and figuratively on the ropes in this one.

DM: I just don’t know how long Lindz can hold on with the beating her back’s taken over the past few minutes in this one.

DT: Melton’s got Troy set up on the second rope.

DM: I don’t like where this is heading.


DT: Melton hooks the head … he pulls Lindsay off the top … OH MY LORD!!!! Joey Melton just delivered a MUSCLE BUSTER of immense proportions, and Lindsay Troy has to be done for! Melton covers, this has to be elementary…



THREE! No! No! Sean Stevens, who I could’ve sworn was knocked out cold, pulled Troy out from under Melton at the absolute last second possible, and he saved a chance at the title for both himself AND Lindsay Troy!

MN: Damn that there Triple X! Where’s Ice Tre when you need him?

DT: Melton is INCENSED that Stevens broke that pin up, and now these two go at it! Stevens with a forearm shot right to Melton’s chest! He steps back for the clothesline … no dice! He turns around, and Melton greets him with a trademark knife edged chop! And another! And another! Melton is blistering the King of the Cage with chops, and he’s backing him straight into the corner! Melton keeps up the chops, and now he just grabs the back of Stevens neck with both hands and drives his forehead down right onto Melton’s knees!

DM: Modified facebuster there, and considering that Stevens has already been knocked loopy at least once in this match, that’s gonna make getting his bearings even tougher.

DT: Melton has Stevens position all the way up top, and he’s climbing up to join him! Melton going for the superplex … Stevens shoves him off and the champ hits the deck! Now Triple X wants to fly … SHOOTING STAR PRESS …

NOBODY HOME!!!! Melton recovered quickly enough to get out of the way and avoid Stevens’ Shooting Star!

MN: Dude, he totally waffled himself on the canvas.

DT: Melton’s up again, he’s got Stevens … BRAINBUSTER!!! Melton connects, and he’s signaling for that patented Figure Four!

DM: As much as he’s done it over the years, I’m still pretty sure Melton hasn’t actually patented this particular submission hold.

DT: Melton grabs the right leg of Stevens, he steps through …



DT: Lindsay Troy came out of nowhere and broke up Melton’s submission attempt with a picture perfect, amazing springboard moonsault into a reverse DDT! We’ve GOT to have another look at that!

[CUT TO: Replay. Lindsay sees Melton about to hook in the figure four, springs off the ropes and flies over Stevens before hooking the head and hitting the DDT.]


DT: Lindsay drapes an arm across Melton for the pin…



THRRRRNOOOO!!!! Lindsay Troy almost got the World Championship back right then and there, but Joey Melton just BARELY got his left shoulder off the mat before the count of three.

DM: Tremendous show of endurance by Melton, but after the punishment Lindsay took, I’m amazed she could pull that up and is still standing!

DT: Melton and Troy are both up, and the champ is trying to take back the advantage, but Lindsay stops him dead in his tracks with a vicious Muay Thai knee that sends the champion reeling! Melton stumbles off the ropes … snap hurricanrana! She holds on for the pin…



OH SO CLOSE!!!!! Lindsay Troy mere moments away from regaining the title once again! How many times is someone going to come this close to taking the world title before finally breaking through.

MN: Infinity, ‘cause Joey ain’t losing.

DT: Lindsay is keeping the pressure on Melton. She sets him up in the standing headscissors … lifts him HIGH into the air …

KAWADA DRIVER!!! Lindsay nailed the Kawada Driver, and that might just do the trick! But Lindsay isn’t going to go for the pin! She wants to put Melton out of commission for good!

DM: Lindsay Troy has said that she wants to make Joey Melton’s life a living hell, and while she’s doing a damn good job of it so far, I think she thinks she can do better. Or, if your in Joey’s shoes, worse.

MN: Why would I be in Joey Melton’s shoes?

DM: Just … nevermind.

DT: Lindsay is absolutely POUNDING on Joey Melton right now, and the fire in her eyes is evident to everyone here in Atlanta tonight for Russian Roulette. She wants the title back, and she wants to end Melton’s career on top of it. Now she double underhooks … and she drives Melton into the mat face first! Lindsay nailed him with the Final Judgment, and that might just be the last moment of Joey Melton’s title reign! Lindsay pins…



THRNOOOO!!!! Joey Melton used whatever conscious or unconscious brain functions he had left to stick his right foot onto the bottom rope! Bryan Weatherby saw it and this thing ain’t over yet, kids!

DM: Joey must’ve had the corner of his eye open, because he stuck that foot out quickly and not a moment too soon.

MN: Honestly, Dean, I don’t think Lindsay’s all that mad. This gives her more chance to whale on Joey.

DT: That’s exactly what Lindsay’s doing, guys, and Sean Stevens is barely standing. He’s in the far corner recuperating while Troy is putting a whooping on the champion, but he’s got to recover soon if he wants the world title around his waist at night’s end.

DM: Good point, Dave, but I’ve got no problem with Triple X biding his time to recover and let Lindsay and Joey exert and hurt themselves.

MN: Hurt is a good word for this. Joey might have some more coming right about…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…


DT: Lindsay Troy let Melton get up to his feet, and she knocked him right back down with a BEAUTIFUL spinning roundhouse kick! Now she hits the ropes … baseball slide into a flying headscissors….

RIGHT INTO THE DIVINE RIGHT!!!! Lindsay Troy has her devastating signature submission hold locked on dead center of the ring, and if Joey Melton doesn’t tap out, he’s going to pass out from lack of oxygen, suffer a torn meniscus, both, or worse!

DM: Lindsay Troy has stopped many a match with this hold, and she is cranking as hard as she can on it this time. She doesn’t just want Joey Melton to tap out here, Dave. She wants to break his spirit and take away the world title she feels he stole from her at Wrestlestock.

MN: Honestly, aside from the stretching and the unnatural bending and the choking and the immense pain to all parts of the upper body, I really don’t see how this is in any way a bad position to ever be in.

DM: If you’d ask Joey Melton I’m sure he’d disagree.

MN: How could I ask him? I’m pretty sure he can’t breathe very well right now.

DT: Melton has to tap out here, folks. If he ever wants to step inside the squared circle again, he has to submit and walk out of here with his career.

He has to tap, and I think he’s going to! He’s close, very close! Bryan Weatherby checks, but Melton just shakes his head!


DT: Melton is screaming in pain, but he will not quit, and he can’t find a way out!

DM: Actually, the way out is charging straight out of the corner, Dave!

DT: Here comes Triple X! Melton’s close to tapping…

Baseball slide by Sean Stevens breaks up the hold an instant before Melton would have given in! Joey Melton is still alive, and he rolls outside to recuperate in hopes of still having a chance to retain his title.

DM: After that, the chances of that have to be pretty slim.

DT: Troy and Stevens are the two wrestlers who are still able to stand under their own power, and now the two challengers will go at it! Troy with a kick right to the side of Sean Stevens, but Triple X answers right back! We’re blow for blow right in the center of the ring between the former champ and the Blue-Eyed Badass! Big shot by Lindsay … and Sean counters right back with one of his own! And another! And one more that sends Lindsay bouncing into the ropes…

…she rebounds…

Straight into a Fisherman’s Suplex! Stevens with the pin…



THRRROOOHHHHNOOOO!!!!! Lindsay Troy once again kicked out a hair’s breadth away from losing this match, and Sean Stevens was literally milliseconds away from being crowned world champ.


DT: Stevens has taken the initiative now, and he thinks he’s got a chance to finish this match! He whips Lindsay into the ropes … SPEAR!!! He drove his shoulder right into her abdomen and drove her straight to the canvas! Now he brings her up, and he’s signaling for the X-Factor!

DM: If Lindsay turns right into this, it’s over.

DT: Troy wobbles around … here comes the kick …

WIDE LEFT!!! Lindsay Troy rolled out of the way! She hits the ropes … Stevens tries a backdrop, but he telegraphed it! Lindsay’s going for the By Royal Decree … Stevens slips out! Troy spins around … HE CAUGHT HER!!!! X-FACTOR RIGHT ON THE CHIN!!!! Sean Stevens is going to be our new world champ! He hooks the leg…



THREEEEEE!!!! He’s done it!!! Wait! Wait! Hold on just a minute, Bryan Weatherby’s saying Lindsay Troy kicked out! I don’t believe it!

DM: She’s not human. She’s not f(FCC)ing human.

MN: You took the words right out of my mouth, Matthews.

[CUT TO: Slo-mo replay. Lindsay kicks out just before Weatherby’s hand hits the mat the third time.]

DT: Sean Stevens is INCENSED, and the crowd here is split! Half the fans think if was a pin, half think the former champ kicked out!


TROY FANS: LET’S GO LINDSAY! **clapclapclapclapclap** LET’S GO LINDSAY!


DM: Tool.

DT: Stevens is still protesting … NOT ANYMORE!!! Lindsay snuck in and rolled him up from behind…



NEW WORLD CHAMPION … NOOOO!!! Stevens got out of it just in the nick of time! We’ve been so close so many times here tonight, but still nobody has done what’s needed to walk out of Atlanta with the big gold belt held high!

DM: These three are pulling out some amazing feats here tonight. Joey Melton’s still half-conscious on the outside, and he’s come close several times to both retaining and losing his title. Sean Stevens has been knocked goofy on more than one occasion, but he’s been an instant away from the belt too, and Lindsay Troy is putting on an inhuman display of guts and heart.

MN: I don’t want to see her internal organs. Gross!

DM: Thanks for ruining the moment, Neels.

MN: Aw, shucks. My pleasure, Dean-o-rama.

DT: Stevens is all out-of-sorts now, and Lindsay’s going to take advantage! Lindsay with the kick … caught by Triple X … but Troy hops off with the other foot and hits the enziguiri! What a display of balance and agility after all she’s gone through tonight! Now she pulls Stevens to his feet … locks in the Cobra Clutch … and hits a vicious legsweep! She laid him out with it, and now she’s heading up top.

MN: Cool. She does sweet flippy stuff.

DT: Stevens is just about unconscious, and the Queen of the Ring is going to fly to regain her crown! She leaps…


AND IT CONNECTS!!!! What an amazing move by Lindsay Troy! She crawls over to pin…



THREEEEEEENOOOOOO!!!!!! Sean Stevens kicked out, and I am in SHOCK!

MN: These people are robots. They’re *******, motherf(FCC)ing piece of sh(FCC)t robots.

DM: Hey Mike, I know it’s a Pay Per View, but still…


MN: Eh. Not my kids getting ruined by it.

DT: Lindsay Troy can’t believe she’s not a two-time world champion, and neither can the crowd here in Atlanta. Now she picks Stevens up and lays in a couple of stiff shots to the body. She sprints for the ropes … jumps straight to the top …


CROWNING GLORY!!! CROWNING GLORY!!!! Corkscrew moonsault into the reverse DDT, and Lindsay Troy is going to get her title back!

DM: Don’t be so sure!

DT: She turns around to pin … but Melton’s back and he hits her with a steel chair he picked up at ringside! Joey Melton just knocked Lindsay Troy unconscious and he’s going to steal the world title again!


DT: Melton stalks over, and he wants to end this with the figure four! He steps over the leg…hold on! Inside cradle by Triple X!



NO!!!! Joey Melton almost got suckered in, but he kicked out at the very last moment again!

MN: Hot damn, this is getting the palpitations going.

DM: For once, Mikey, I totally agree.

DT: Stevens and Melton both get to their feet! Joey fires off a chop … Stevens ducks, and tosses Melton all the way across greater Gwinnett County with a belly to back suplex! He threw Melton like he was a welterweight!

DM: That, boys, is an astounding show of strength considering the beating he’s taken.

DT: Stevens senses the momentum has come to him again. Melton’s down, and he heads up top … he sets himself and leaps…


BUT NOBODY’S HOME! Joey Melton rolled away and Stevens faceplants on the mat yet again!

MN: His face is gonna look REAL ugly tomorrow morning.

DT: Melton hooks Stevens, he’s going for that slingshot suplex! This has been money for Melton over his twenty year career! He slingshots Triple X…

The King of the Cage floats over! He’s got Melton hooked for the X-Terminator!

NO! Melton slips out and caught Stevens with a low blow! Now he hooks the head again … SLINGSHOT BRAINBUSTER! Slingshot brainbuster, and he hit him with it square on the unforgiving surface of that steel chair he used earlier! Sean Stevens is out cold, and it looks like Melton’s going to leave Atlanta still world champion.

DM: Umm…not so fast, my friend.

DT: Lindsay Troy is somehow, someway, standing back up! Melton is going for the pin, and he doesn’t see her! Here comes Lindsay, and she hits a diving clothesline that sends Melton out to the floor! Lindsay’s got her chance! But … what’s she doing?

DM: Something very, very bad for Joey Melton, Dave.

DT: Melton’s staggering to his feet outside the ring …

Lindsay springs to the top rope and takes flight!



DM: Sweet heavenly mother of God!

MN: They’re dead. They’re both freaking dead.

DT: Lindsay Troy hit the Crowning Glory from the top rope to the floor, and both she and Joey Melton are out. Lindsay might’ve cost herself and Joey the world championship AND their careers with that all-time highlight reel move!

DM: That was … unreal. Just unreal, guys.

DT: Sean Stevens is pulling himself to his feet, and he sees the carnage outside! He’s got to act quickly! He scrambles outside, and he rolls Joey Melton into the ring! This is his chance to become world champion! WAIT!! Someone from the crowd!! It’s…..

MN: It’s Joey Melton!!

DT: It’s that damn twin again!!! He’s in the ring with a chair and he cracks Stevens over the head!! Stevens goes down like a SHOT!! COME ON!!!

DM: Stevens is down! Center of the ring! Melton still out! Troy still down on the outside! This could go absolutely ANY WAY!

MN: I am exhausted just WATCHING this contest!

DM: All three competitors have given their all and--

[A buzz sweeps through the arena, turning into an all-out eruption. A slender figure has sped down the aisle -- steel chair in hand. It takes just a second for the announcers to recognize him. A moment later and the fans are screaming his name.]


MN: And he's got a steel chair of his own!!!

[Standing over a stirring Sean Stevens, his lips are curled in amusement. He slowly brings the chair high above his head as the fans cheer him on as twin Melton looks on.]

DM: His agent PROMISED Stevens that Ice Tre would not cost him this match! He SWORE!

DT: That was the deal!

[Tre bobs his head along with the fans chanting his name, then, suddenly, his eyes turn to Joey Melton –errr….the one standing. And he BLASTS HIM across the skull with the steel chair.]

DT: OH MY GOD?!? Chairshot to Melton?!?

DM: Melton #2 is DOWN!

[Lindsay Troy regains her composure, brushing her hair from her eyes and rolling in the ring ... just in time to catch a glimpse of Tre blowing her a gangsta kiss as she gets to her feet ... and then CRACKING her with the same steel chair. The crowd is reeling, elated to see Tre in the ring, making things happen, but shocked at the events transpiring.]

MN: He just LEVELLED Troy! What is going on?!?

DT: Stevens HAS to be next!

[Tre, surprisingly, throws the chair down and out of the ring ... he grabs Stevens by his arm and visibly struggles to drag him across the ring.]

DT: Wait ... what is he DOING?

DM: Is he ... HELPING Stevens?!?

[He drapes Stevens arm over Melton, then slips out of the ring not-so-gracefully.]

DT: ONE!!!!



DM: Ice Tre can’t believe his eyes and he’s outta here!! Tre is running for the hills!!

DT: I don’t blame him!!

MN: He did his damage though!!

DT: Now all three …make that four are down!! Which Melton is which?!

MN: You expect ME to remember that kinda stuff???

DT: Melton stirring and up!! He’s over to Stevens, he’s wrapping him up….FIGURE FOUR!!! NO!!! SMALL PACKAGE!!! ONE!!!! TWO!!!! NO!!!! STEVENS TO HIS FEET!!!! MELTON UP!! RIGHT HAND BY MELTON!! STEVENS DUCKS!!

He hooks the head!!!!

X-TERMINATOR!!!! OSAKA STREET CUTTER!!! He planted him right in the middle of the ring with that vicious X-Terminator! He hooks the leg…




[SFX: Bell rings, crowd EXPLODES]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match…




[CUE UP: “Public Service Announcement”. Bryan Weatherby grabs the belt from ringside, and hands it to a shocked Triple X, who holds it in the air triumphantly before falling to his knees and looking at the title, basking in the cheers of the crowd.]

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, after an EPIC contest, Sean Stevens has overcome both Joey Melton and Lindsay Troy, and a new guard has risen in EPW! Sands, Beast, Troy, Melton, and now Sean Stevens completes a quintet of legends to hold the most prestigious championship in wrestling today!

There’s nothing else to say except, the Triple X era has officially begun here in Empire Pro! And if I was Ice Tre, I’d stay as far away from Stevens as I possibly could!

As always, for Mike Neely and Dean Matthews, I’m Dave Thomas saying goodnight from Russian Roulette in Atlanta! We leave you with our brand new World Champion, “Triple X” Sean Stevens!

[Stevens stands on the top turnbuckle, holding the belt high in the air in celebration. Then, out of the corner of his eye he sees the replay….with Ice Tre interfering and a deep irate gaze comes over his face.

The camera holds the shot for a while, the crowd’s deafening cheers supplying the soundtrack, before we…

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