Showtime
League Member
(The green screen today is a bit peculiar, it looks like a montage of stock sword juggling footage. A very low-volume version of "Sabre Dance", played on kazoos makes for an unusual ambiance. Sitting in a comfy-looking wingback fauz-leather chair is "Sabre" Simon Hill. Explains the imagery.)
Simon Hill: Hello! Welcome Red Line fans and fellow assorted grapplers, you will will recall I am Simon Hill.
(Simon pauses, possibly for an imaginary pop? Hard to say.)
Simon: Now allow me to skip the usual silliness that my family compadres bring to these little "vignettes" and get to my "point."
(The "quotations" are his. He uses his fingers.)
Simon: Friends, fans, children of all ages, Red Line Wrestling is under siege. And no, I do not mean the Steven Segal cinematic production - though I freely admit that would be awesome. No, my dear pals, the RLW is under siege, and the besiegers are villains.
(He pauses again, making a reassuring hand gesture as he does so.)
Simon: The forces of evil are varied and many. Giant Russians. Belligerent Mammals Who Carry Their Youth In Pouches. The Product of an Unholy Coupling of Primate and Cartilaginous Sea Creatures. The list goes on and on.
(As he describes each, images of Ivan Dalkichev, the Marsupials of Mayhem and Russ Spackler flicker across the green screen projection.)
Simon: Too long now badness has gone unchecked in the world. Global warming, high banking fees, internet piracy and reality television are symptoms of this world crumbling. But I say NO MORE!
(Each picture flashes again, but this time with a red "No" symbol superimposed over the images. Barry's gone all out.)
Simon: For too long Good People have sat idly by while Ungood People have taken over the world. And I know exactly the point it happened: December 31, 1989. It was that day the dream of the 80s died, and with it all its heroes.
(???)
Simon: Suddenly, it was "cool" to be a bad guy. Everyone wanted to be the Joker and no one wanted to be Batman! It was "awesome" to be Shredder, but it was "Lame" to be a Ninja Turtle. Everyone wanted to be the Predator, but no one wanted to be Danny Glover. Suddenly, it was "bad" to be "good."
(Again, his quotes.)
Simon: It is time to take this world back! and the way to do it is to recapture the spirit of the greatest heroes of the 80s! We must have the Strength of Mr. T! The Wisdom of Mr. Miyagi. The Perseverance of Jem and the Holograms! The Ability to Transform Into a Truck of Optimus Prime!
(Simon is now standing, a hand over his heart and a mad look of determination on his face.)
Simon: The RLW will be the battleground in this War on Evil! And our first field of combat will be Slamtrack 3! The House of Hill will be the heroes we need! As Barry as my witness, I do so swear!!!!
Barry: I told you, I'm not getting paid to be an on-screen character!
(Fade.)
Simon Hill: Hello! Welcome Red Line fans and fellow assorted grapplers, you will will recall I am Simon Hill.
(Simon pauses, possibly for an imaginary pop? Hard to say.)
Simon: Now allow me to skip the usual silliness that my family compadres bring to these little "vignettes" and get to my "point."
(The "quotations" are his. He uses his fingers.)
Simon: Friends, fans, children of all ages, Red Line Wrestling is under siege. And no, I do not mean the Steven Segal cinematic production - though I freely admit that would be awesome. No, my dear pals, the RLW is under siege, and the besiegers are villains.
(He pauses again, making a reassuring hand gesture as he does so.)
Simon: The forces of evil are varied and many. Giant Russians. Belligerent Mammals Who Carry Their Youth In Pouches. The Product of an Unholy Coupling of Primate and Cartilaginous Sea Creatures. The list goes on and on.
(As he describes each, images of Ivan Dalkichev, the Marsupials of Mayhem and Russ Spackler flicker across the green screen projection.)
Simon: Too long now badness has gone unchecked in the world. Global warming, high banking fees, internet piracy and reality television are symptoms of this world crumbling. But I say NO MORE!
(Each picture flashes again, but this time with a red "No" symbol superimposed over the images. Barry's gone all out.)
Simon: For too long Good People have sat idly by while Ungood People have taken over the world. And I know exactly the point it happened: December 31, 1989. It was that day the dream of the 80s died, and with it all its heroes.
(???)
Simon: Suddenly, it was "cool" to be a bad guy. Everyone wanted to be the Joker and no one wanted to be Batman! It was "awesome" to be Shredder, but it was "Lame" to be a Ninja Turtle. Everyone wanted to be the Predator, but no one wanted to be Danny Glover. Suddenly, it was "bad" to be "good."
(Again, his quotes.)
Simon: It is time to take this world back! and the way to do it is to recapture the spirit of the greatest heroes of the 80s! We must have the Strength of Mr. T! The Wisdom of Mr. Miyagi. The Perseverance of Jem and the Holograms! The Ability to Transform Into a Truck of Optimus Prime!
(Simon is now standing, a hand over his heart and a mad look of determination on his face.)
Simon: The RLW will be the battleground in this War on Evil! And our first field of combat will be Slamtrack 3! The House of Hill will be the heroes we need! As Barry as my witness, I do so swear!!!!
Barry: I told you, I'm not getting paid to be an on-screen character!
(Fade.)