The camera fades in to the now familiar golden numbering of “13”. As the camera zooms out, large bags of mail come into view. No sooner has the camera completely zoomed out, when the door swiftly flies open to reveal Julius D. Licious wearing a “GXW” sweatshirt and matching sweatpants.
Julius: There you are! Come in! I don’t understand why you never knock…
Julius’ voice trails off as a woman approaches the door. She is wearing fishnet stockings with a bright pink skirt and a purple halter top.
Woman: You Styles? I’m your…eh…one o’clock appointment.
Julius: I don’t know what your talking about! Leave me alone you tramp!
The woman walks away quickly without turning back. Julius picks up a bag of mail and hauls it into the cluttered and cramped apartment while motioning the camera to follow him. Julius leads the camera to the living room area where “Mr. Irresistible” Johnny Styles sits answering some fan mail. Johnny is wearing a t-shirt reading “Jesus did it for the chicks!” and a pair of Adidas pants. Styles doesn’t see to have noticed that the cameras are present.
Styles: Hey, Julius, listen to this…”Dear John – Your super hot! Love, Christina.” Sweet huh? Are you Envious?
Julius: Let me see that!
Julius snatches the paper from Styles and reads aloud.
Julius: “Dear Johnny – Your super hot! I like boogers, I ate boogers once, and they were slimy. Do you like boogers? Love, Christina…age 6!” JOHNNY THAT’S HORRIBLE!
Styles: Your just jealous ‘cause I get all the babes.
Julius: Regardless, there are laws against those sort of things! Besides, shouldn’t you be cutting your promo now?
Styles looks at the camera with shock realizing the events just caught on tape. A flush of embarrassment crosses his face, but he quickly regains his composure.
Styles: Sorry, I didn’t realize you were here. But I’m glad you made it, you know why? ‘Cause I’ve got a couple of issues that I need to talk about.
Julius: only a couple? Julius adds this comment with much sarcasm.
Styles: Right! First, how come I’m getting Boogie Smallz’ sloppy seconds? At Onslaught, I’m scheduled to face John J. Jinglehiemershmidt, a man who was quickly dispatched by Smallz at the debut of Onslaught. Well, it was my debut too, and the night ended with my “Centerfold Slam.” So why is it that Smallz goes on to bigger and better opponents, while I’m stuck at the bottom of the barrel? This problem will be dealt with soon. But more immediately on my mind is John. A veteran vs. the new guy. And we all know that the crowd always loves the new guy. On Onslaught, I have a perfect record. Flawless, much like myself. However, you, my dear friend, pale in comparison with your horrid and appalling looks, a move repertoire that is sub-par to be kind, and worst of all, I hear from the guys in the locker room that you aren’t much of a man…if you know what I mean. But that’s ok! Really! Because after my second consecutive victory at Onslaught, you can go hide from embarrassment at “Naughty Nicks Boom Boom Room” with Marcus Woody! Remember to be ready for a “Battle” at Onslaught. Wait! JULIUS! I DID IT AGAIN! I WAS CLEVER!! DID YOU HEAR?! Hey…whatever happened to my one o’clock…*ahem*…appointment?
Julius smacks his head and Styles goes back to his mail as the camera fades to the white lettering “Mr. Irresistible” Johnny Styles: A hottie with a naughty body!
The camera fades into Johnny Styles sitting on a small table in a neat and lean white room. Almost immediately you recognize the room as a doctor’s office. Johnny sits in nothing but his underwear on the table. Julius is nowhere to be seen, and this is very unlike him to leave Johnny’s side. Styles looks at the camera with a nervous smile and begins to speak.
Styles: I know what your thinking, and yes, your favorite GXW superstar is in perfect health. Myself on the other hand, I’ve got a problem. First, I’m sick of being pitted against no-name talent who don’t have the decency to give me a “once over” before a match. But that will change. After all, when everyone gets a look at my hotness, I’ll be getting a 4rth, 5th and 6th time over!
Johnny pauses and flexes his bicep for the camera.
Styles: That goes for John J. Tattle-tale especially. But I don’t blame him for hiding. I mean, look at me! I have a perfect record on Onslaught as well as having a perfect record for my whole GXW career! I must say that I see where you’re coming from. I’m a very intimidating man. If I were somebody else, I’d be scared of me too. But come on, little John, you have to realize that your just another stepping stone for me. I have my eyes on a bigger prize.
Johnny pauses to think for a moment.
Styles: Actually, a bit shorter. You see, he is kind of small…like a carnie…a midget almost really.
“Mr. Irresistible” trails off and a Doctor, dressed in a white lab coat enters the room. The Dr. looks remarkably like Julius.
Julius dressed like a Dr: Hello Johnny. Ummm…I didn’t ask you to strip down to your boxers.
Styles: That’s ok. I wanted to!
Dr. Julius: Anyways, I have some good news and some bad news.
Styles: What’s the bad news?
Dr. Julius: Our tests indicate that you have virtually every STD known to man. Really I’ve never seen anything quite like it.
Styles: GEEZ! You know what that means! I hold a record!! YES! Well, what’s the good news?
Dr. Julius: You can only catch those STDs once. But the effects of all the STDs are holding each other at bay…
Styles: So, your telling me that I’m immortal? Whoa….
Styles looks awe struck and stares off into space.
Dr. Julius: NO! In fact, the slightest change in temperature could…
Styles: Immortal…this is so cool!
Dr. Julius: I’m going to have to advise you to not wrestle at Onslaught. I would hate to see what may happen.
Styles: I too would hate to see what happens when I step into the ring with Shanequa…
Dr. Julius: I thought you were supposed to wrestle some guy named John?
Styles: Same person. Anyways, now that I’m immortal, nothing can stop me on my rise to the top. And soon all the thunder will be mine. Hey…That was clever! Don’t worry GXW fans; everything will make sense in time.
Julius lets out a loud sigh and walks out of the room. Johnny pulls a boom box out from behind the table he is sitting on and presses the “play” button. “Simply Irresistible” starts blaring in the office as Johnny begins to dance. The screen fades to black with white lettering…”The Immortal Mr. Irresistible: Johnny Styles – A Hottie with a naughty body”.
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