[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jul-19-02 AT 10:03 PM (EDT)] The screen fades from black to the view of a 13 story brick apartment building. The building seems to be in the downtown metropolitan area of a large city. As dilapidated as the building is, you would almost assume that it has been condemned. A short man who you quickly recognize as Julius D. Licious, dressed in his normal attire of a black suit with a red power tie, is walking briskly toward the building with a couple bags in his hands. The camera catches up to him.
Julius: HEY! I wasn’t expecting you for at least another 15 minutes!
Camera Guy: Yeah, we’re early.
Julius: Well, then come right up, I’m sure Mr. Styles is in a much better manner now than when you last visited. Please, quickly!
Julius opens the glass doors to the building and swiftly begins to climb the stairs. The camera man follows shortly behind Julius straight to apartment 13B. Julius knocks on the door firmly
Julius: Johnny, let me in! Its Julius, I have a GXW Camera Crew! There here to cut your interview for your match with Marc!
Styles: I…uh….can’t let you in.
Julius: Why not?
Styles I’m….uh…cleaning. Yeah…cleaning! I just had to uh…polish a couple things. I should be done….
There is an awkward pause…
Suddenly the door flings open to reveal Johnny Styles wearing a new pair of plaid pajama pants, this time red, and a blue t-shirt reading “Easy Like Sunday Morning”.
Styles NOW! Hey, Julius, you didn’t say you went shopping! Did you, ummm…buy my…ya know…
Julius Yeah. Here you go.
Julius hands “Mr. Irresistible” a small brown paper sack.
Styles: Great! Now I’ll be able to……clean….later…..mamma…cleaning.
Julius *Ahem* aren’t you going to address you opponent?
Styles: that’s right! I forgot that you guys aren’t just here to film my incredible and devastating good looks! Who am I wrestling again?
Julius: that would be Mark Wood. In a Double Debut Match on the first ever Onslaught! Isn’t that exhilarating?
Styles: Wait? What was his name again?
Julius: Wood. Mark Wood.
Styles: Oh my god! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Styles begins to laugh hysterically, after a good 15 seconds of this, he finally begins to regain his composure.
Styles: Well then, Wood. *snicker* *ahem* There are a couple things you should know. There are a couple differences that you should come to terms with very quickly. First of which, the difference between the wood in the magazines in my paper bag and you is at least those have a chance of doing something great, you on the other hand, my stiff necked friend, will never be anything more than a little weenie! HOLD ON!
A thought full expression dawns Johnny’s face….followed by an expression of absolute glee…
Styles HEY!! I DID IT AGAIN!! What did I call it again? Oh yeah! I was clever! Like an elephant!
Julius: Hey, Styles, I believe that its elephants don’t forget.
Styles: Really? That’s ok because I’m sure that they’re crafty too!
Julius: If you ever have kids…please remind me to shoot them….
Styles: Huh? Boy, you aren’t very clever Julius. That wasn’t funny at all. Anyways, be prepared, not just you, Markey Mark Woods, but the entire GXW, because you have never seen anyone with my talents, my finesse, and of course my style. After I put you out with the “Center Fold Slam”, no one in GXW, in sports entertainment, or the world will ever forget the name of “Mr. Irresistible” Johnny Styles. Especially the women! I mean women of all shapes and sizes. Even you tubby gals, get the big ole booty over here. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than a beefy chick. It’s like making love to two big Ziploc bags of beef stew. Mmmm…oh…mmmm….
Julius: Styles…you ok there buddy?
Styles: Wait….you mean…I did it out loud again.
Julius: You really aren’t very smart are you?
Styles: Sure I am, I got a perfect 160 on the SATs in High School! But that’s beside the point. The important thing is that on Onslaught, Mark Woods will be rendered helpless by the hottie with a naughty body, Johnny Styles! Now…time to get back to cleaning…and maybe a little reading too.
Johnny turns and walks back through the door which he first appeared. A magazine slips from the brown paper bag onto the floor, and neither Johnny nor Julius seems to notice. Julius throws the camera thumbs up and a smile and follows Johnny into the apartment shutting the door after him leaving only the golden numbering 13B left in view of the camera. The screen pans down to the magazine that has been turned to an open page from the fall out of the sack revealing a rather disturbing image of which is blotted out by tv censors. The camera then fades to a black screen with white lettering which reads “Mr. Irresistible” Johnny Styles: Im a hottie with a naughty body.
The camera fades into a view from the passenger seat of a 1997 Jeep Cherokee focusing on a man that you suddenly recognize as Johnny Styles. Styles seems to be paying no attention to the camera, but he is wearing another witty t-shirt that reads “My girlfriend says abstinence……I say procrastination.” He glances over to the camera and gives a quick smile and thumbs up. Quickly his attention is focused back on the road before swerving off into a light post. The camera pans to a view of out the passenger window and you can see that you’re driving through a downtown metropolitan area. A feeble voice picks up from the back seat…..
Feeble Voice: Johnny, where the heck are you taking us?! This is supposed to be your time to address Mark Wood! The man that has refused to even comment on your up coming match at Onslaught! You should use this opportunity, tell him how it is! And also, as your manager, I demand to know where we are going….and why I didn’t get shotgun!!
“Mr. Irresistible” Johnny Styles throws his manager a sideways glance…
Styles: Listen up Julius, you may be my manager, but this is my show, and I’m doing things my style…got it? And you didn’t get shotty because, well...you said it! This is MY time! Right? But I will tell you where we’re going! Its one of my favorite hang outs, a dance club sorta place really. This one time, I saw a gal do a thing with another girl that you wouldn’t believe! If I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it!
The car finally comes to a complete halt. The camera zooms in on a hot pink neon sign that reads “Naughty Nick’s Boom Boom Room”.
Styles: GXW, Welcome to my favorite hang out! I figured, if I’m going to compete here in GXW, I better be in high spirits!
Licious: YOU BROUGHT A GXW CAMERA MAN TO THE BOOM BOOM ROOM!?!?! What if there are children watching?! How is anyone supposed to take you seriously!
Styles: Relax, I’m just going to bust out some of my hot moves, and then we’ll get going alright? They know me around here; I dance like a fiend and mack on all the hot mamas!
A taller woman approaches the car wearing fishnet stockings and a short mini skirt…..she bangs on the drivers side window and Styles rolls it down…
Styles: Can I help you?
Woman: So, you wanna do a little role play this time? Huh Johnny boy?
Styles: Um….really…I…uh…don’t have any idea what you are talking about. In fact, I don’t even know you!
Styles looks at the camera, and flashes a cheap smile, then returns to the woman.
Woman: Just so you know my rates increased by…..
Before the woman has a chance to finish, “Mr. Irresistible” peels out of there and is quickly driving off.
Styles: Julius, maybe you were right. The Boom Boom Room is a bad idea. .
Julius: Coming to your senses now?
Styles: Something like that. Something Mark Woody Woodchuck should do as well. I’ve been here in GXW for a short time, but I’ve learned a couple lessons. First, if you’re as fantastically talented as I am, you should flaunt it. Second, if you want to get ahead in this business, your going to have to bust your as*. I’ve been all up and down the GXW locker rooms, trying to catch a glimpse of Mark Wood, but he is nowhere to be found. He has literally gone into hiding, but it’s ok. Mark, if you are watching this, I was hoping I could give you some encouragement. You see, even though your going to lose at Onslaught….
Styles give a big juicy thumbs up
Styles: …you really shouldn’t be too embarrassed. After all, you’re just the first of many GXW superstars who will fall before my remarkable talents. And during our debut match, I’m going to give you the beating no one has ever even dreamed of. People will call it “The Wood” for short. GXW superstars will beg for mercy before me, “Please Mr. Styles, not The Wood…anything but The Wood!” *snicker* It sounded good in my head…and better out loud!!
Styles looks off into the distance, while Julius smacks his forehead.
Styles: Hey, and after I beat you, if your still embarrassed, and you decide to quit GXW, I’m sure I could hook you up with a good job at the “Boom Boom Room”! I’m sure you would like it, and with a name like “Wood” *snicker* I’m sure they would love to have you aboard! GET IT? A BOARD! LIKE WOOD!?!
Styles begins to laugh so hard that he actually pees his own pants.
Styles: WHOA! I ….uh…gotta go. Ummm…..BYE!
Styles jumps out of his jeep, and Julius is barely able to get control of the vehicle before running into a 1992 Honda Civic. The camera looks at Julius who has a stunned look on his face. Both the camera man and Julius look in the rearview mirror to see Johnny running down the street, briefly stopping to talk to a prostitute who looks at him awkwardly. Johnny begins to run again, the woman looks right, then left, then begins to run after Johnny. The screen then fades to black with white lettering that reads “Mr. Irresistible” Johnny Styles: A hottie with a naughty body.
The camera fades into Julius D. Licious, wearing new attire of a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans. Julius also seems to be wearing sunglasses with his hood up. As the camera pans out you notice that Julius is cowering behind your hero and mine, “Mr. Irresistible” Johnny Styles. Styles is wearing khaki shorts with a grey t-shirt that reads “Jesus did it for the chicks.” Many people are behind Julius, and many more are in front of Styles. Julius begins to speak…
Julius: John, what are we doing back here? Now that we are in GXW, we have no reason to be here!
Styles: Oh, Julius…I’m just here to collect my last check from the unemployment office. But your right, now that we are in GXW, there is absolutely no reason to come back here…so we better make this worth our while, eh? EXCUSE ME…CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!
Everyone in the unemployment office turns and looks at Johnny.
Styles: I KNOW YOU ALL WANT MY AUTOGRAPH BECAUSE IM THE NEWEST TEEN IDOL OF THE GXW...BUT I CAN ONLY GIVE ONE AUTOGRAPH AT A TIME!!
People look at each other with confused expressions and begin to mumble and go immediately back to what they were doing.
Julius: That didn’t go over nearly as well as you hoped, now did it? *snicker*
Styles: Actually, I saw a hot little number over there checkin me out!
Julius: GOOD GOD MAN! That woman has to be like 70 years old!
Styles: Yeah, I like a woman with experience. But you know what hasn’t gone over well with me? Marky Mark and the Punky Bunch. This no talent jerky boy hasn’t even had the common courtesy to say as much as a word about our match at Onslaught. But on the other hand, by not saying anything at all, at least he sounds more intelligent than “The Human Horror Film” Reaver. Come on man! I was more scared when I saw the Carrot Top Movie!
Julius: I needed someone to cuddle with after that movie!!
Styles: JULIUS! YOU’RE SUCH A WUSS! I can’t believe my manager has something in common with Mark Wood. Hey, Mark, how much Wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Wood? I’ve always wondered, but you seem like the kind of guy, or lack there of, that WOOD know! *snicker* GET IT!! WOOD! Like a board!! HAHAHAHA!
Julius lets out a loud sigh, and pulls his hood and sunglasses off
Julius: John, I can’t be here anymore, I’ll wait for you in the jeep.
Julius gets out of line and is quickly replaced by a person standing behind him.
Styles: You can’t even back me up in the unemployment line huh? Alright, you go. But I know at Onslaught, you’ll be in my corner backing me up. How about you Mark? Who’s going to back you up? Who is going to carry you out of the ring after I lay you down with the “Centerfold Slam”? But most importantly, who is going to give you a job after I embarrass you out of GXW?
Old woman behind Styles: Get your buns moving sonny! The line has moved 10 feet and you’re here talking into that seeing glass! GO! GO!
The old woman begins to smack Styles with her walking cane.
Styles while walking forward: I’m going! I’m going! Stop hitting me! Ouch! Mark, get ready for Onslaught, because after I’m done having my way with you, this old lady is coming after you with her cane!
The camera fades from the unemployment line to a black screen with white lettering reading “Mr. Irresistible” Johnny Styles: a hottie with a naughty body!
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