TEAM EPICENTER: Elite Eight

[TH]

[Fade into Tom Holzerman in front of the big screen; eight way split featuring everyone in the Elite Eight.]

TH: Eight men standing. Some of them you expected to be here. Others have made the Cinderella run. After tonight, only four remained. Which half? Well, you'll find out now. EPICENTER, next!

[Cue up "Down" by Stone Temple Pilots.
Cut to JASON PAYNE, shouting out in primal fury with a man's blood as his war paint.
Cut to MR. AMAZING! delivering Amazing Grace to JAKE HIX.
Cut to YORI YAKAMO, JR. grappling PROFESSOR TREMENDOUS.
Cut to ULYSIS SOLIAN staring down RAVAGER.

Cut to KARL BROWN hoisting the Merrit Trophy, then flash cut to D! with the Championship of Champions Belt across his waist, then flash cut to Team NEW hoisting the Dupree Cup.

Cut to: The Epicenter logo once more, fading into Tom Holzerman and Steve Murray at the Epicenter desk.]

SM: The stage is set, and the four Regional Champions have been crowned. I'm Steve Murray...

TH: And I'm Tom Holzerman. Welcome to EPICENTER.

[Cut to a close up of Holzerman with a Solian/Daymon inset.]

TH: In a bracket with such luminaries as Mr. Silver, Kodiak Vic Creed and Yori Yakamo, Junior, fifth-seeded Ulysis Solian and seventh-seeded Rocko Daymon may not have been the last guys you'd figure make it out of Boston, but let's admit it. They weren't the first either. Still, there's no question both men deserve to be here, and that set the stage for one of the best matches of this tournament thus far.

[Cut to the TD Banknorth Arena.]

TH V/O: Solian got the early advantage, leveraging in a headlock. Daymon shoves off, but he's nowhere ready to receive the primal fury of a Solian clothesline!

[Cut to Solian dazed slightly with Daymon behind him.]

TH V/O: Daymon does come back, here nailing Solian with a bulldog.

[Cut to Solian behind Daymon.]

TH V/O: Solian comes roaring back though, here nailing Daymon with this back suplex.

[Cut to Daymon with Solian a bit dazed.]

TH V/O: But The A1E Cyber Champion comes right back, here with a discus punch right to the kisser of the current LoC Relentless Champion.

[Cut to Solian behind Daymon again.]

TH V/O: Solian right back, this time behind Daymon and nailing him with a German suplex. Solian likes that backdoor offense... no jokes, please. He hit a whopping 54 percent of his offensive moves from behind.

[Cut to Daymon whipping Solian.]

TH V/O: When I tell you this was a see-saw affair folks, I wasn't kidding. No one had the momentum for more than a few moves, and it showed. Here we see Daymon transitioning Solian into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.

[Cut to Solian with Daymon in a standing headscissors.]

TH V/O: Once again, Solian in control. When he was known as Suicide, he was known as the master of the piledriver. Flashing back to those days, he nails Daymon with a Memphis special, reminiscent of his home fed's current Legacy Champion, Jeff Garvin.

[Cut to Daymon standing beside Solian.]

TH V/O: Daymon comes right back, with not one, not two, not three but four side Russian leg sweeps. Daymon with the repeat offense, trying to wear down Solian here.

[Cut to Solian running the ropes.]

TH V/O: Solian coming right back, see, I wasn't lying when I said this match was back-and-forth. Roaring elbow sends Daymon flying back.

[Cut to Daymon whipping Solian off the ropes again.]

TH V/O: And keeping with the spirit of the match, Daymon comes right back, this time nailing Solian with the flapjack right out of the Irish Whip.

[Cut to Solian with Daymon running the ropes.]

TH V/O: Solian looking to end this, and he nails the Enforcer Spinebuster here, but he can't wrangle Daymon and the match continues.

[Cut to Daymon with Solian in the corner.]

TH V/O: Daymon now smelling blood, and he nails the back first splash that he calls the Phantom Train. Solian comes staggering out and Daymon with a kick to the gut. He tries to lock in the underhooks for the Brain Rocker Redux (falling TD '91), but at the last possible second, Solian powers out with a back body drop. Daymon gets right up and BANG! Solian nails him with the Capicoo (inverted cobra clutch into an inverted Russian leg sweep). The ref counts three and Ulysis Solian will represent Baaaahston in the Final Four.

[Cue up Led Zeppelin, "No Quarter." Cut to Canadian Loonie nailing Dan Ryan with backhand chops.]

SM V/O: Coming up after the break, there were no Mexican standoffs in the Mexico City bracket, but there was a heavy underdog trying his best to upset the overall number one seed in this tournament. Who'd win? Find out after the break.

[Cut to a commercial for Lunesta. Better sleep aid than a 20 minute Triple H in-ring!]

 

[TH]

[Fade back into the TEAM studios, Steve Murray with a Ryan/Loonie inset.]

SM: Gambling in most parts of America is illegal, and we here at EPICENTER do not condone it in any way, shape or form. If we did though, we might have been tempted to move on the odds set by Vegas on Mexico City's eleventh seed, The Canadian Loonie. Vegas had him as a thirty-to-one underdog, but for good reason. He had the A1E World Champion and bracket number one seed Dan Ryan standing in the way.

[Cut to Ryan pummeling Loonie with forearms to the back.]

SM V/O: And the beating started early for Loonie, as Ryan rained over him with forearms to the back. Loonie crumples up.

[Cut to Ryan with Loonie in a front waistlock.]

SM V/O: Of course, Ryan isn't all caveman intensity, he can wrestle too, and here he nails Loonie with the overhead belly-to-belly.

[Cut to Ryan running the ropes.]

SM V/O: And here a combination of both sides here with the lariat. Loonie taking a beating early on.

[Cut to Loonie running the ropes now.]

SM V/O: Loonie gets in some offense here, nailing Ryan with a flying elbow to the head.

[Cut to Ryan whipping Loonie.]

SM V/O: Ryan bounces right back with the powerslam out of the Irish whip.

[Cut to Loonie on the top rope.]

SM V/O: But Loonie is pulling out all the stops here. Leaping from the top rope with the clothesline.

[Cut to Loonie with Ryan prone on the canvas.]

SM V/O: And then Loonie comes in and puts Ryan on the Payroll (Rolling Thunder).

[Cut to Loonie with Ryan's hand around his throat.]

SM V/O: The high risk offense doesn't come without its pitfalls. Ryan gets some momentum back on his side with a chokeslam.

[Cut to Loonie with Ryan on his shoulders.]

SM V/O: But once again, Loonie comes roaring back. Airplane spin, and have you seen anything more improbable all tournament? A 285 pound guy with a 335 pounder in a freaking airplane spin.

[Cut to Loonie with the red and white turkey baster, ref knocked out.]

SM V/O: And after the obligatory ref bump, Loonie, still pulling out all the stops, says "Say hello to mah lil' friend!" Loaded turkey baster right to the skull of Dan Ryan. What referee Jeff Sellers doesn't know can't hurt the Crazy Canadian.

[Cut to Loonie on the top rope.]

SM V/O: With Sellers back on his feet, Loonie goes for the kill. Money Shot attempt... but he whiffs! Wipe out and Ryan is up to his feet.

[Cut to Ryan with Loonie in a standing headscissors.]

SM V/O: And it was all downhill from there. Despite dominating the second half of the match, Loonie falls victim to the Humility Bomb... WHAM! And Dan Ryan will move on to Las Vegas. The dream is over, but hang your head high, Loonie. Your farewell tour is nothing to be ashamed of.

[Cut to the Rose Garden.]

TH V/O: I echo those sentiments, Steve. Anyway, onto the Portland Regional Final, first-seeded Shawn Hart battling the third seed Beast. The Alpha Male starts off with a bang, look at that roundhouse kick to Hart's dome-piece.

[Cut to Hart with Beast backpedaling.]

TH V/O: The Prime Minister of Gettin' Sinister would take control though, here stinging Beast's chest with those knife-edge chops. Somewhere in his daycasket, Ric Flair is smiling.

[Cut to Hart with Beast in the Purple Nurple.]

TH V/O: Someone should alert the President, we have a Cuban Nipple Crisis. Beast easily slaps out of the hold, but as always, Hart just uses that hold as a ruse. When will they learn people! Right from the Nurple into an ear-box. That has to screw with Beast's equilibrium.

[Cut to Beast on the outside.]

TH V/O: Beast trying to take a breather, but you should know there's no respite from the Phenom! Plancha to the outside and Beast does the wipe out!

[Cut to Beast with Hart in the double rear chickenwing.]

TH V/O: Beast isn't out of this one by a long shot though. He battles back and gets Hart here with a brutal Tiger suplex.

[Cut to Hart on the second rope.]

TH V/O: Hart comes roaring back though, leaping from the second rope to catch Beast right between the eyes with a double axhandle.

[Cut to Beast with Hart in an abdominal stretch.]

TH V/O: Beast comes back again though, here nailing Hart with the abdominal stretch slam. What impact.

[Cut to Beast running the ropes.]

TH V/O: And here, Beast comes rushing in like a steam train, just flattening Hart with a lariat.

[Cut to Beast running the ropes again.]

TH V/O: The former EPW Champion trying to finish this match off with a Gore, but Hart oles him. Beast pulls up, but not in time to avoid bouncing chest first off the ropes. He staggers back and Hart catches him with a school boy roll up. One, two, three and Shawn Hart stuns Beast, but at the same time doesn't stun him, seeing as he was the favorite in this match. Shawn Hart moves on to face Ulysis Solian in a battle of old acquaintances in one of the National Semifinal matches.

[Cue up Zeppelin, "No Quarter." Cut to a shot of Ace Mason with Jason Payne in a chinlock.]

TH: Don't go away, we've still got one more match to recap. The upstart International Icon against the man dubbed too hot for TEAM. It's coming up around after we pay the bills!

[Cut to a commercial for Sirius satellite radio, where Howard Stern says things that may or may not be as dumb as what Don Imus got in trouble for.]

 

[TH]

[Fade back into the TEAM studios, Steve Murray with a Payne/Mason inset.]

SM: To say that Jason Payne has made the most of his second chance is an understatement. To say Ace Mason has made the most of this tournament to make himself a star is also an understatement. In the home of blues, barbecue and the piledriver, the substitute one seed Payne and the eleventh seed Mason tangled to see who'd have the daunting task of taking on Dan Ryan in the semifinals.

[Cut to the FedEx Forum ring.]

SM V/O: Mason gets out to the quick start, leveling Payne with several overhand haymakers.

[Cut to Mason with Payne in a front facelock.]

SM V/O: And here, with the quickness, taking Payne down with the snap suplex.

[Cut to Payne with Mason by the arm.]

SM V/O: But Jason Payne isn't called too hot for TEAM for nothing. Here, shades of Jake "The Snake" Roberts with this BRUTAL short-arm clothesline.

[Cut to Payne whipping Mason.]

SM V/O: And off the Irish whip, a devastating powerslam. Payne making the most of his uncanny strength.

[Cut to Mason with Payne in a figure four around the ringpost.]

SM V/O: Mason comes storming back though with some unorthodox moves. First, the figure four around the ringpost.

[Cut to Mason on the outside with Payne over the ring steps.]

SM V/O: And here, the neckbreaker right onto those steel steps, a really calculating and dangerous move, considering that Payne has broken his neck in the ring before.

[Cut to Payne with Mason in a front facelock.]

SM V/O: Payne comes back though, here nailing Mason with a leaping DDT.

[Cut to Mason on the ground, Payne running the ropes.]

SM V/O: And then Paynamania runs wild in Memphis, leg drop and a beauty.

[Cut to Payne with Mason in a standing headscissors.]

SM V/O: And here, well, you can't wrestle in Memphis without busting out one of these. Piledriver, and the Lawler marks in the crowd go nuts.

[Cut to Mason behind Payne.]

SM V/O: Mason comes back though, and he's no nonsense either. He goes for the Japanese import here, nailing Payne with the straightjacket suplex.

[Cut to Mason with Payne in a standing headscissors.]

SM V/O: Mason now going for the Memphis piledriver, but Payne blocks it and counters with a back body drop. Mason gets right up but Payne hits him in the gut, slips behind him... PAYNE KILLER! (full nelson slam) and this match is over. Ace Mason's run is over, and Jason Payne takes the play-in bid and makes the most of it, barging his way into the Final Four.

[Cut back to the TEAM Studios.]

TH: So there you have it, Dan Ryan against Jason Payne on one side, and Ulysis Solian battling Shawn Hart on the other.

SM: Plus, Mr. Amazing! defends the TEAM Championship of Champions against Lindsay Troy, and Chaos, Nova and Ravager duke it out inside of a cage to determine the first ever TEAM Challenge Championship. All that and more as we head to the Yorilove-dot-com Palace of Dildos Casino and Hotel for TEAM SuperShow III: Final Four.

TH: Make sure you tune in live on Alternative Sports Network and then if you miss that, catch the highlights on EPICENTER. For now though, we're outta here. For Steve, I'm Tom. Thanks for watching.

[Cut to

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[TH]

Credits-

Writing: Holzerman
Judging: Holzerman, Lindsay Branca, James Irish