SigilOfLeviBF
Terrance's #2 Fan
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- Jan 1, 2000
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(CUEUP: Spanish guitar strums)
(FADEIN: Some old black-and-white Western, featuring a lot of Mexicans shooting off pistols at big Texan guys.)
V/O: (Obviously Benjamin's voice) Twas back in the olden days of Mexico when the Legend of El Puta began. Way back when Mexico was discovered in the late 1300's by Pablo Dee Williams, whose son went on to play Lando Calrisian in Star Wars. This is when the legacy of my grandfather, El Puta, truly begins. Now many a stupid person out there may wonder to themselves, "Cómo puede ser él su abuelo si él nacía en el 1300's?", but as rumor would have it, El Puta may still be alive today, starring in films under the pseudonym of Elijah Woods, or selling oranges on the LA freeway. The fact is, no one really knows.
However, there was a time when Puta made his presence known. In Mexico, El Puta the first was the greatest luchador around. His name became famous when he pinned Rey Mysterio Sr. and made him cry in the ring like a little girl. Years passed, and no one could defeat Puta, as he succesfully defended the Mexican World Title every night. Soon, Puta's long time nemesis, La Puto, caught word of Puta's doings. Puto lived next to Puta on a farm in Mexico, and they were best friends. But when the girl they both loved chose Puta over Puto, Puto became insulted and enraged, especially when Puta and his love moved from Okinawa to the United State. Years later, Puta visited Okinawa again, this time with his prized Karate student, and together, they defeated Puto and HIS prized student. But this was a long time ago, and since Puta is much like the Highlander, everyone he loved died, while he survived to live in a new century. The 14th century is known historically as, "The century of Mexico", and rightfully so, due to the hype El Puta recieved around the world.
Anyway, what was I saying again? Oh, yes, Puto caught word of Puta and returned to face him. It was on the fifth of May that the two squared off in the middle of Mexico, wherever that is. The stipulation was that the winner would recieve the company Dos Equis, which is Mexican Beer. As fate would have it, Puta won, and Puto died from the terrible beating he recieved. After the match, this day would forever go down in history as Cinco De Mayo, which translates into English, "The Night Puta Won".
Upon recieving this honorable Mexican distinction, grandfather retired the mask of El Puta, and hung it up in the Museum of Natural Mexican History, proclaiming that the only one who should take it down, is his grandson, Benjamin. Now, you may be asking yourself, "Pero pensé yo esa Ruedecilla le denominó Benjamin porque suena más digno? Y no significaría eso que su abuelo sólo lo supo por su nombre de nacimiento?", but even so, El Puta is everywhere, and knows all.
So after I recieved my 19th Oscar award for Free Willy 3, I decided that it was time for me to bring down the mask from the museum, and don the El Puta legacy for all-time! And that is how I became who I am today. VIVA EL PUTA! VIVA LA MEXICO! VIVA LA WILLY!
(Film fades to black)
(FADEIN: Some old black-and-white Western, featuring a lot of Mexicans shooting off pistols at big Texan guys.)
V/O: (Obviously Benjamin's voice) Twas back in the olden days of Mexico when the Legend of El Puta began. Way back when Mexico was discovered in the late 1300's by Pablo Dee Williams, whose son went on to play Lando Calrisian in Star Wars. This is when the legacy of my grandfather, El Puta, truly begins. Now many a stupid person out there may wonder to themselves, "Cómo puede ser él su abuelo si él nacía en el 1300's?", but as rumor would have it, El Puta may still be alive today, starring in films under the pseudonym of Elijah Woods, or selling oranges on the LA freeway. The fact is, no one really knows.
However, there was a time when Puta made his presence known. In Mexico, El Puta the first was the greatest luchador around. His name became famous when he pinned Rey Mysterio Sr. and made him cry in the ring like a little girl. Years passed, and no one could defeat Puta, as he succesfully defended the Mexican World Title every night. Soon, Puta's long time nemesis, La Puto, caught word of Puta's doings. Puto lived next to Puta on a farm in Mexico, and they were best friends. But when the girl they both loved chose Puta over Puto, Puto became insulted and enraged, especially when Puta and his love moved from Okinawa to the United State. Years later, Puta visited Okinawa again, this time with his prized Karate student, and together, they defeated Puto and HIS prized student. But this was a long time ago, and since Puta is much like the Highlander, everyone he loved died, while he survived to live in a new century. The 14th century is known historically as, "The century of Mexico", and rightfully so, due to the hype El Puta recieved around the world.
Anyway, what was I saying again? Oh, yes, Puto caught word of Puta and returned to face him. It was on the fifth of May that the two squared off in the middle of Mexico, wherever that is. The stipulation was that the winner would recieve the company Dos Equis, which is Mexican Beer. As fate would have it, Puta won, and Puto died from the terrible beating he recieved. After the match, this day would forever go down in history as Cinco De Mayo, which translates into English, "The Night Puta Won".
Upon recieving this honorable Mexican distinction, grandfather retired the mask of El Puta, and hung it up in the Museum of Natural Mexican History, proclaiming that the only one who should take it down, is his grandson, Benjamin. Now, you may be asking yourself, "Pero pensé yo esa Ruedecilla le denominó Benjamin porque suena más digno? Y no significaría eso que su abuelo sólo lo supo por su nombre de nacimiento?", but even so, El Puta is everywhere, and knows all.
So after I recieved my 19th Oscar award for Free Willy 3, I decided that it was time for me to bring down the mask from the museum, and don the El Puta legacy for all-time! And that is how I became who I am today. VIVA EL PUTA! VIVA LA MEXICO! VIVA LA WILLY!
(Film fades to black)