Calamity Jon
League Member
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2000
- Messages
- 52
- Points
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[updated:LAST EDITED ON Apr-11-02 AT 03:42 PM (EST)](FADEIN to the faux office set of ?BEHIND THA LINES? CALVANO B RUBINO, decked out in black jeans and a denim jacket over a shirt which reads, in white letters, "1-0 UNDEFEATED" Ru is sitting on the edge of his desk, where several boxes of celebratory pizzas sit. TACO, THE CHILEAN GIANT, whimpers and hop from foot to foot behind Ru, pawing at the pizza boxes and pointing to his mouth, plaintively)
Ru: "Yoah gonna BURN yoahself, you big RETAHD! Let it cool down, dumbass. (To Camera) Well, HA HA! Welcome to ouah VICTORY PAHTY you bunch of LOSAHS! Yoah lookin' at RU'S CREW, UNDEFEATED One and OH! (pause) Cause the othahs don't count. (pause) Seriously, come on, they were PRACTICE RUNS! We hadn't yet gotten down ouah MASTERFUL MIX of SUPERIOR WRESTLAHS and turned them inta the WELL-OILED (BLEEP)in' machine you see before you NOW! So NOW that we're OFFICIALLY STAHTING ouah (BLEEP)DAMN CAREERS heah in tha NFW, I'm proud ta say we debut STRONG! God bless Powah Mastah, that enoahmous beefcake laid out that NO-GOOD BACKSTABBIN' TWO FACED CHEAP-SHOTTING PIECE A(BLEEP) (BLEEP)DAMN (BLEEP)OFF (BLEED)HEAD Kevin LeBrock, and sent his horse-faced little dyke RUNNIN' foah SAFETY! So, props to POWAH MASTAH! (he takes a big, gooey bite of pizza, and speaks with a full mouth) You really ran with the ball, and took the brilliant strategies of ME, BEHIND THA LINES VANNI RU, RIGHT ta VICTORY ovah that retahd Gray, that homo LeBrock and that hermaphrodite B(BLEEP)CH!"
Taco: (grunts, and hops from foot to foot)
Ru: "I dunno wheah Powah Mastah is, you big dumb moron, he's bein' a big baby! LOOK (he throws open a pizza box) I got him one with no sauce, and chicken on it! JESUS! He's probably getting that tackle box full'a pills he keeps in his truck ..."
Taco: (whining, slapping his belly and pointing to his mouth)
Ru: "Don't YOU staht! I got you one with anchovies, you fat (pause) you fat load. Jesus, we gotta put you on a diet, I could pahk my Camaro under one'a yoah man-tits...."
Taco: (whines, drops his head and wanders off in a circle as Ru turns back to the camera)
Ru: "So let me welcome you ALL to tha BEHIND THA LINES era! Ru's Crew is gonna DEMOLISH tha NFW, I'm putting you ALL on notice! I don't care if that hick, the living mummy or the conspiracy moron walk away wit' the world title, you just keep looking ovah yoah shoulders! Cause Ru's Crew is comin' up on ya, and we are (he leaps up, pointing to his shirt) UNDEFEATED! (whips off his jacket and turns around, reading the text from the back of the shirt he's wearing) CAUSE THE OTHAHS - DON'T - COUNT!"
Taco: (tries to pick up a piece of pizza by grabbing the toppings side, bellows as he pulls his hand back in pain, blowing on his palm)
Ru: "Well what did I tell you, you big neandrethal?"
Taco: (Holds out his hand for Ru to kiss)
Ru: "Oh, not on yoah ever-lovin' life, jesus!"
(FTB as Ru storms off, leaving Taco along with the food. As soon as Ru's gone, Taco almost immediately loses interest in his burned hand, and turns to sloppily devouring the pizza feast ...)
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Ru: "Yoah gonna BURN yoahself, you big RETAHD! Let it cool down, dumbass. (To Camera) Well, HA HA! Welcome to ouah VICTORY PAHTY you bunch of LOSAHS! Yoah lookin' at RU'S CREW, UNDEFEATED One and OH! (pause) Cause the othahs don't count. (pause) Seriously, come on, they were PRACTICE RUNS! We hadn't yet gotten down ouah MASTERFUL MIX of SUPERIOR WRESTLAHS and turned them inta the WELL-OILED (BLEEP)in' machine you see before you NOW! So NOW that we're OFFICIALLY STAHTING ouah (BLEEP)DAMN CAREERS heah in tha NFW, I'm proud ta say we debut STRONG! God bless Powah Mastah, that enoahmous beefcake laid out that NO-GOOD BACKSTABBIN' TWO FACED CHEAP-SHOTTING PIECE A(BLEEP) (BLEEP)DAMN (BLEEP)OFF (BLEED)HEAD Kevin LeBrock, and sent his horse-faced little dyke RUNNIN' foah SAFETY! So, props to POWAH MASTAH! (he takes a big, gooey bite of pizza, and speaks with a full mouth) You really ran with the ball, and took the brilliant strategies of ME, BEHIND THA LINES VANNI RU, RIGHT ta VICTORY ovah that retahd Gray, that homo LeBrock and that hermaphrodite B(BLEEP)CH!"
Taco: (grunts, and hops from foot to foot)
Ru: "I dunno wheah Powah Mastah is, you big dumb moron, he's bein' a big baby! LOOK (he throws open a pizza box) I got him one with no sauce, and chicken on it! JESUS! He's probably getting that tackle box full'a pills he keeps in his truck ..."
Taco: (whining, slapping his belly and pointing to his mouth)
Ru: "Don't YOU staht! I got you one with anchovies, you fat (pause) you fat load. Jesus, we gotta put you on a diet, I could pahk my Camaro under one'a yoah man-tits...."
Taco: (whines, drops his head and wanders off in a circle as Ru turns back to the camera)
Ru: "So let me welcome you ALL to tha BEHIND THA LINES era! Ru's Crew is gonna DEMOLISH tha NFW, I'm putting you ALL on notice! I don't care if that hick, the living mummy or the conspiracy moron walk away wit' the world title, you just keep looking ovah yoah shoulders! Cause Ru's Crew is comin' up on ya, and we are (he leaps up, pointing to his shirt) UNDEFEATED! (whips off his jacket and turns around, reading the text from the back of the shirt he's wearing) CAUSE THE OTHAHS - DON'T - COUNT!"
Taco: (tries to pick up a piece of pizza by grabbing the toppings side, bellows as he pulls his hand back in pain, blowing on his palm)
Ru: "Well what did I tell you, you big neandrethal?"
Taco: (Holds out his hand for Ru to kiss)
Ru: "Oh, not on yoah ever-lovin' life, jesus!"
(FTB as Ru storms off, leaving Taco along with the food. As soon as Ru's gone, Taco almost immediately loses interest in his burned hand, and turns to sloppily devouring the pizza feast ...)