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Mad Dog

Original Gangsta
Jan 1, 2000
(FADEIN to the Hip Hop Express standing in front of a backdrop with the HHE logo on it. Inferno Ice is wearing overalls with one strap hanging off and a t-shirt that reads “Albino Heat”, as well as a white Kangol hat and a band-aid under his left eye, ala Nelly. Boogie Smallz is wearing black jeans and a wife-beater. He has his hair in corn rolls.)

BOOGIE: Mike Plett has been comin’ on TV for the past week or so tellin’ everyone how this is gonna be a showcase of talent that has been held back…how this match won’t advance any of their careers…and how pretty much he’s lookin’ past this six man tag…and looking further down the road to Fish Fund. (Shakes his head.) All I hear is GUNS this, Hornet that…(Cups his hand up to his ear.) what…did he say something about the Hip Hop Express in any of his little tantrums? Did I hear anything about us being the CORNERSTONE…the futhamuckin’ FOUNDATION of the tag team scene in the CSWA? Nah…all I heard was you reminisce about the old days. But he only said what he wanted y’all to hear…his precious…beloved fans.

INFERNO: Sight, what about back in the day? Lemme see, if I recall correctly…and maybe I don’t from all the years of partying (Smiles), but I remember some snot-nosed…wet behind the ears…green as hell rookie that came up to us, back in our disco days, and didn’t have any friends in the back, no fans to cheer for him…nothing. Until one day we let him ride with us to a show and as they say…the rest is history. We bonded, smoked out, went to clubs and tore s(BLEEP) up! In a way, I think we inspired him to go on to greater things…we were his role models…he looked up to us. (Drops his head and pauses.) That was…until…Shane Southern came into the picture. (Raises his head with a mean scowl on his face.)

BOOGIE: Oh yeah…the next Great White Hype. This f(BLEEP)in’ redneck ass cracka is gonna replace us as your friend? Why…because he saved you from a beat-down? Because he’s so damn popular and you know you’ll never be at his level…so maybe if you hang out with him…it will rub off on you? Please…I mean really…I am doing my best to understand this…but I can’t figure it out.

INFERNO: If you can’t figure that out…I got an even bigger mystery…what the hell is he runnin’ around with ol’ rotten teeth…Bennie Hill lookin’ mofo for?

BOOGIE: Oh snap, you mean ol’ liposuction boy…Lawrence Stanley? (Laughs) I don’t even understand what he’s wrestling for. The man is probably the richest guy here.

INFERNO: Yeah…didn’t I see an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous that he was on? He’s some sort of heir to a urinal cake corporation. Ummm…Stanley’s Royal Urinal Cakes or somethin’…apparently it’s very big in the U.K..

BOOGIE: Yeah, well the way his teeth are all JACKED UP he looks like he ate a few of those cakes straight from the urinal. (Laughs) Damn…don’t they have dentist over there?

INFERNO: I don’t think so, they are like some Third World country or somethin’. I’m surprised they have plumbing. (Laughs) I could sit here ALL DAY and bust on Stanley, but I’m not gonna. Instead I’ll refresh his memory of the beatin’ we gave to his fellow countrymen, Simply Stunning, just a few short weeks ago. We could have easily won the tag team straps that night, but instead we wanted to send a message our first match back…and we did! Have you seen those guys around since then? Hell no, because they are at home lickin’ their wounds…tryin’ to muster every ounce of strength they have left…because at Fish Fund they could very well lose their tag team titles. And it won’t be the team that pins them that caused it…it was because of us!

BOOGIE: What really kills me is how all these guys are soundin’ so focused on Fish Fund or somebody else…that they seem to be overlookin’ one important issue. They have a match BEFORE…a match, I might add, with two-time CSWA tag team champions…and a mystery partner they have NO IDEA who it is. Yeah, you might think you know…but we’ve been known to FLIP DA SCRIPT from time to time. Then again…maybe’ I’m just f(BLEEP)in’ with ya’. Hell…maybe we don’t even have a partner. (Smiles) But do you think we would be that dumb?

INFERNO: Ya know what else they are overlookin’? While they have things lined up for Fish Fund…we haven’t even been booked on the show…for all we know this match is our Fish Fund…this is our chance to shine against the SELF-PROCLAIMED next big superstars. They talk about how they have nothing to prove against us. Maybe you aren’t realizing this…but when you think of CSWA tag teams…hell when you just think of tag team wrestling in general…the Hip Hop Express is the best in the biz! I’m not just sayin’ it to hear myself…we truly are the greatest…and while you bitch and complain about how this doesn’t advance your careers, like the primadonnas you are, just keep that mentality…keep thinkin’ that way, because after we hit each and every one of you with the OVERDOSE…you will realize where a lack of respect will lead you…(Smirks) straight to the emergency room!

BOOGIE: Southern…Stanley…Sight, you guys want to run the pageantry…go ahead. This ain’t no f(BLEEP)in’ Miss America contest and I’m not Nickelodeon’s Double Dare host Marc Summers singin’ “There She Is” …this is more serious than that…and you crackas are takin’ us like this is simply a tune-up. (Shakes his head.) Do what you gotta do…and we’ll do what we gotta do. And Sight…what’s this Hip Hop Turncoats s(BLEEP)? If anyone here is a traitor…it’s your goofy ass! When we were gone, we never got any phone calls, no emails, and then we comeback…you wanna act like you don’t know us…what kind of s(BLEEP) is that!? Man…I’m sick of talkin’ about this.

INFERNO: Do you feel that? Is it getting’ hot in here or is it just my ALBINO HEAT! (Smiles and turns to Boogie, who rolls his eyes.) I know all the ladies in Oklahoma City will soon be sweltering when Inferno Ice comes to town and they get to feast their eyes on this buffet of manhood!

BOOGIE: Man…don’t nobody wanna hear anything about Albino Heat, because they all know…once you go black…you don’t go back.

INFERNO: You sure? I thought it was…once you go white…you know you’re right!

BOOGIE: (Laughing) Whatever you say man.


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