P
Packschmid
Guest
(FADEIN: GUNS is sitting in a hotel in San Diego, wearing a bathrobe.)
GUNS: You know...I love California as much as the next guy...it's nice out here...I appreciate the boys upstairs going through all the trouble of putting this West Coast swing together so that we can get out of the inbred hick South for a change...but I have a question for Shane Southern, the man that I'm supposed to step in the ring with at On Time. You see, Shane, I haven't followed the sport for a few years, but I'm quickly catching up, and it's come to my attention that in addition to being the most recent holder of the Heavyweight Championship of the Third Largest City in the State of North Carolina, you actually hold the WORLD Heavyweight title in some hole in the wall promotion in Boston.
Now, listen, I've been to Boston, and I know it's not the greatest city in the world...but for the love of God, Shane, you're on TOP of the promotion there...now, I don't know the first thing about what goes on up there...I hear the current Commissioner is a Satan worshipper and one-half of some chain smoking worthless tag team in this promotion owns the place...I'm sure I'll get around to kicking HIS ass eventually...but that's not the point. I don't care how messed up the management situation is up there, I've got three words for you. It. Ain't. Merritt.
What's my point? Shane, the question I have for you is...if you're at the top of some rinky dink promotion in Boston...if you're living the good life as the WORLD Heavyweight champion somewhere else...then what in the HELL are you doing HERE? (Pause.) What are you going to tell me, Shane...that this is the BIG TIME? That if you want to truly be the best, you have to make it here? GIVE ME A BREAK, man...can you HONESTLY tell me that having some slut with silicon mountains take your coveted Greensboro Heavyweight title and put it on Eddy Love's blatantly homosexual houseboy is better than what you've got going on up North?
So what are you doing here, Shane? Why are you putting yourself in the line of fire? Why are you standing up to DEFEND the CSWA as if you NEED this place...as if you couldn't just walk out the locker room door tomorrow and live a perfectly happy life fighting Doc Silver's old lackeys and make believe Cubans for the rest of your career. You said you were here to CHANGE this place for the better, Shane...but I'm here to tell you that IT'S NOT WORTH IT. This place isn't WORTH saving, Shane...the only thing the CSWA deserves isn't salvation...IT'S A WRECKING BALL...a wrecking ball with 32 inch arms and an attitude just as big.
Shane, when they took the Greensboro title away from you, I decided to take you up on your offer to get your ass kicked by me, but I have to one more time give you the opportunity to back out. Shane, you don't need this, and quite frankly, there are plenty of other people in that locker room that deserve a beating far more than you do. Look, Shane, if you REALLY want to see what it's like to land in some snot-nosed kid's lap in the third row, I've got spare time...but it doesn't have to happen. Your little superkick may have taken you to the Greensboro title...and it may make you the World Heavyweight Champion of Massachusetts flea markets...but it's not going to stop me. Shane, the walls are coming down in the CSWA...brick by brick... and if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. We can do it the easy way, where you pack your bags, load up your little superkick, and go back to Boston...or we can do it the hard way. The choice is yours...for your sake, I hope you make the right one, or you won't be remembered as the Greensboro champ...you won't be remembered as the Flea Market World Champion...you'll be remembered as JUST ANOTHER SOUVENIR...courtesy of Third Row, Inc.
GUNS: You know...I love California as much as the next guy...it's nice out here...I appreciate the boys upstairs going through all the trouble of putting this West Coast swing together so that we can get out of the inbred hick South for a change...but I have a question for Shane Southern, the man that I'm supposed to step in the ring with at On Time. You see, Shane, I haven't followed the sport for a few years, but I'm quickly catching up, and it's come to my attention that in addition to being the most recent holder of the Heavyweight Championship of the Third Largest City in the State of North Carolina, you actually hold the WORLD Heavyweight title in some hole in the wall promotion in Boston.
Now, listen, I've been to Boston, and I know it's not the greatest city in the world...but for the love of God, Shane, you're on TOP of the promotion there...now, I don't know the first thing about what goes on up there...I hear the current Commissioner is a Satan worshipper and one-half of some chain smoking worthless tag team in this promotion owns the place...I'm sure I'll get around to kicking HIS ass eventually...but that's not the point. I don't care how messed up the management situation is up there, I've got three words for you. It. Ain't. Merritt.
What's my point? Shane, the question I have for you is...if you're at the top of some rinky dink promotion in Boston...if you're living the good life as the WORLD Heavyweight champion somewhere else...then what in the HELL are you doing HERE? (Pause.) What are you going to tell me, Shane...that this is the BIG TIME? That if you want to truly be the best, you have to make it here? GIVE ME A BREAK, man...can you HONESTLY tell me that having some slut with silicon mountains take your coveted Greensboro Heavyweight title and put it on Eddy Love's blatantly homosexual houseboy is better than what you've got going on up North?
So what are you doing here, Shane? Why are you putting yourself in the line of fire? Why are you standing up to DEFEND the CSWA as if you NEED this place...as if you couldn't just walk out the locker room door tomorrow and live a perfectly happy life fighting Doc Silver's old lackeys and make believe Cubans for the rest of your career. You said you were here to CHANGE this place for the better, Shane...but I'm here to tell you that IT'S NOT WORTH IT. This place isn't WORTH saving, Shane...the only thing the CSWA deserves isn't salvation...IT'S A WRECKING BALL...a wrecking ball with 32 inch arms and an attitude just as big.
Shane, when they took the Greensboro title away from you, I decided to take you up on your offer to get your ass kicked by me, but I have to one more time give you the opportunity to back out. Shane, you don't need this, and quite frankly, there are plenty of other people in that locker room that deserve a beating far more than you do. Look, Shane, if you REALLY want to see what it's like to land in some snot-nosed kid's lap in the third row, I've got spare time...but it doesn't have to happen. Your little superkick may have taken you to the Greensboro title...and it may make you the World Heavyweight Champion of Massachusetts flea markets...but it's not going to stop me. Shane, the walls are coming down in the CSWA...brick by brick... and if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. We can do it the easy way, where you pack your bags, load up your little superkick, and go back to Boston...or we can do it the hard way. The choice is yours...for your sake, I hope you make the right one, or you won't be remembered as the Greensboro champ...you won't be remembered as the Flea Market World Champion...you'll be remembered as JUST ANOTHER SOUVENIR...courtesy of Third Row, Inc.