WRESTLEVERSE II: The Highland Park Social Club (c) vs. The Cameron Cruise Project
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MrWest
League Member
(Chip and Slambo the Clown are out in a park surrounded by a multitude of orphans when they are tracked down by Chip's personal interviewer, Ed D'Enteviouer.)
ED: Chip, I am glad I finally found you.
CHIP: Well, in that case, I am glad you found me to. What's up?
ED: Well, EPW has a Pay Per View for on thing.
CHIP: Cool. If I am free on Sunday, I might try to catch it.
(Chip calls out across the park to Slambo)
Hey Clown! We have that thing on Sunday this week, don't we.
SLAMBO (Calling Back): I don't know, Chippy! What thing!?
CHIP: You know! That THIIIIIIIING!
ED: Actually the Highland Park Social Club has a EPW Tag Team Title Defense at Wrestleverse II.
CHIP: There you go. Sorry Ed, going to have to miss your Pay Per View, we got a wrestling match.
ED: Chip, EPW Wrestleverse II IS the Pay Per View. And so far niether the HPSC or you opponents has done a darn thing to promote the event yet.
CHIP: Yeah, about that. Dickie had some family issues come up. And Clown Boy and I have really had our hands full with all these Christmas orphans.
ED: Yeah, I kind of noticed. That's a lot of orphans you have there Chip.
CHIP: Tell me about it. Slammy and I checked them out of the orphanage to take advantage of a few of those "Kids Eat Free" Promotions going on around town. But apparently that palce has a no return policy or something because they say we gotta keep them
ED: Wow. You adopted all these orphans. What? You must have like 40 kids here.
CHIP: 47 actually. And started out with more than this, bu we manages to pawn off a bunch on eBay. Some lady named MadgeC from London just can't get enough of the dang things, it seems, so I am hoping that she'll take the whole lot off my hands after the holidays.
ED: So what are you doing with them until then.
CHIP: Well, I have been working with them on their Pick Pocketting and Three-Card Monty skills and Slammy has been tutoring them on the finer points of pan handling. To be quite honest, they haven't been all that bad investment so far.
ED: But how about this Weekend. You and Slambo are supposed to be in Los Angeles for Wrestleverse.
CHIP: YOU HEAR THAT KIDS!? WE ARE GOING TO THE CITY OF ANGELS!!!
ORPHANS: YAAAAAY!!!!!!
ED: You can't take all these kids to Wrestleverse?
CHIP: You don't have kids, do you, Ed?
ED: Actually, no.
CHIP: Then you have absolutely no idea of the street value of one of these things on the Sunset Strip.
ED: Chip that's just wrong.
CHIP: No. What's wrong is cost of freaking healthcare these days. And the fact that EPW still hasn't told us who we are facing at this so-called PPV this week.
ED: Um...it's been fairly public knowledge that the Club would be defending against the Cameron Cruise Project for over a month now.
CHIP: Well that's not this week, is it Ed?
ED: No. I guess it's not.
CHIP: Exactly.
ED: So...do you have anything you want to say to them.
CHIP: Yeah, listen EPW; The Highland Park Social Club is in the house. Or at least we will be as soon as you send a school bus on out here to pick up me, my clown, and all the little Friendly Tykes.
ED: But what about Joey Melton and Cameron Cruise?
CHIP: Let them get their own damn bus.
ED: Chip, I am glad I finally found you.
CHIP: Well, in that case, I am glad you found me to. What's up?
ED: Well, EPW has a Pay Per View for on thing.
CHIP: Cool. If I am free on Sunday, I might try to catch it.
(Chip calls out across the park to Slambo)
Hey Clown! We have that thing on Sunday this week, don't we.
SLAMBO (Calling Back): I don't know, Chippy! What thing!?
CHIP: You know! That THIIIIIIIING!
ED: Actually the Highland Park Social Club has a EPW Tag Team Title Defense at Wrestleverse II.
CHIP: There you go. Sorry Ed, going to have to miss your Pay Per View, we got a wrestling match.
ED: Chip, EPW Wrestleverse II IS the Pay Per View. And so far niether the HPSC or you opponents has done a darn thing to promote the event yet.
CHIP: Yeah, about that. Dickie had some family issues come up. And Clown Boy and I have really had our hands full with all these Christmas orphans.
ED: Yeah, I kind of noticed. That's a lot of orphans you have there Chip.
CHIP: Tell me about it. Slammy and I checked them out of the orphanage to take advantage of a few of those "Kids Eat Free" Promotions going on around town. But apparently that palce has a no return policy or something because they say we gotta keep them
ED: Wow. You adopted all these orphans. What? You must have like 40 kids here.
CHIP: 47 actually. And started out with more than this, bu we manages to pawn off a bunch on eBay. Some lady named MadgeC from London just can't get enough of the dang things, it seems, so I am hoping that she'll take the whole lot off my hands after the holidays.
ED: So what are you doing with them until then.
CHIP: Well, I have been working with them on their Pick Pocketting and Three-Card Monty skills and Slammy has been tutoring them on the finer points of pan handling. To be quite honest, they haven't been all that bad investment so far.
ED: But how about this Weekend. You and Slambo are supposed to be in Los Angeles for Wrestleverse.
CHIP: YOU HEAR THAT KIDS!? WE ARE GOING TO THE CITY OF ANGELS!!!
ORPHANS: YAAAAAY!!!!!!
ED: You can't take all these kids to Wrestleverse?
CHIP: You don't have kids, do you, Ed?
ED: Actually, no.
CHIP: Then you have absolutely no idea of the street value of one of these things on the Sunset Strip.
ED: Chip that's just wrong.
CHIP: No. What's wrong is cost of freaking healthcare these days. And the fact that EPW still hasn't told us who we are facing at this so-called PPV this week.
ED: Um...it's been fairly public knowledge that the Club would be defending against the Cameron Cruise Project for over a month now.
CHIP: Well that's not this week, is it Ed?
ED: No. I guess it's not.
CHIP: Exactly.
ED: So...do you have anything you want to say to them.
CHIP: Yeah, listen EPW; The Highland Park Social Club is in the house. Or at least we will be as soon as you send a school bus on out here to pick up me, my clown, and all the little Friendly Tykes.
ED: But what about Joey Melton and Cameron Cruise?
CHIP: Let them get their own damn bus.
Steve
the EX-QUEEN of FW~!
(FADEIN: Parts unknown! Joey Melton and Cameron Cruise stand in the back of a pack of pre-teen Christmas Carolers. Everyone holding a small flame, and standing in the snowy yard of an elderly shut-in.)
CAROLERS:
Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.
(CLOSE-UP: Melton and Cruise mouthing the lyrics. Kids nearby steal glances at their heroes and blush.)
CC: (leaning in to Joey’s left ear) I don’t understand why Dan is so mad at you. I’ve been perfectly willing to do media and promote our match. I’ve almost begun to think Ryan doesn’t WANT me to say anything.
JM: He’d let you stick a finger up his ass if you were a doctor, but you’re not. And here, Cameron, you’re not the showman. You’re not the ‘voice’ of the Cameron Cruise Project. Understand?
CC: How can the namesake be the silent one?
CAROLERS:
Joy to the world, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.
JM: Did you not ever understand the name to be irony? Parody even?
CC: Well, I thought it was a mite disrespectful at first, but…
JM: Cameron baby, the Project worked because the people got it. You were being taken for a ride and they went along with you. Through your eyes they experienced greatness. It’s how I’ve stayed relevant on the tag scene for fifteen years. I take someone who can’t tie his shoes without me and bring him fame and fortune. Who doesn’t want to see that? It could only make more sense if I were to take Sean Astin by my side.
CC: So when you came to me, broke, and begging for work…
JM: SET UP! Yes. Finally he gets it…The great ones can sell even the most implausible of circumstances.
CAROLERS:
No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
CC: Right. It was easier to buy this bull**** when we were cashing merchandising checks every time we turned around and fronting sold out stadiums. I was crazy enough to agree to this booking, don’t make me regret it before you inevitably screw me in the back. Melton we’re a novelty.
JM: A wha?
CC: I’ll admit it was charming initially to see you spell “Saturday” “Saterday” in emails, or to see you continuously overstate your celebrity worth. It’s been more fun to laugh at you over the last few years than anything else, but we all have to graduate one day. At some point, lifting a cheek and ripping one in the car at a key moment no longer plays.
CAROLERS:
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.
JM: I told you that was a by product of reintroducing meat into my diet. A mistake I should’ve never made, I grant you, but…
CC: Joey has it even occurred to you that we’re not the ones selling this match? That Wrestleverse is a heat check. Why would the Project still sell? Melton we finished showing taped segments on AGGRESSION wrestling local teams in a Kentucky barn.
CAROLERS:
He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.
JM: What are you saying here? That we drove the car a little too hard? That we made a mistake not censoring ourselves? That perhaps we should not have taken any paying job offered? That wrestling in front of a hundred democratic hungry Iran students on the Iran/France border was a mistake?
CC: Iran/France border?
JM: YOU KNOW I HATE GEOGRAPHY **** CRUISE! STOP SHOVING MY IGORGANCE BACK IN MY FACE.
CAROLERS:
O Come All Ye Faithful
Joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him,
Born the King of Angels;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.
CC: I’m saying I’m not sure we can shovel all the bull**** we dug away. You’ve done a remarkable job staying relevant for thirty years (JM: Watch it….) but cage matches with Adrian on a Cruise ship?
JM: I didn’t hear you complaining when the buffet was free.
CC: The food is always included, Melton.
JM: Yeah well…
CC: For all your talk about planting seeds and creating a forest, it amazes me that it’s never once crossed your mind that you’re the opening act. Wonder twins activate! You’ll form a Torch!
JM: You think I’m finished?
CAROLERS:
O Sing, choirs of angels,
Sing in exultation,
Sing all that hear in heaven God's holy word.
Give to our Father glory in the Highest;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.
CC: What do you think?
(Pause. Melton ponders and almost cries.)
JM: (beat) Wait a second…
(Cruise beams.)
JM: You ass!
CC: Oh, it’s not quite as much fun on the other foot is it, someone running your career down, making you feel like ****.
JM: Yeah, but when I do it its not blatant lies! And it’s more fun!
CC: I understood the name was parody, Joey. I went along with it, because like you, the options presented were limited, but they’re not anymore.
CAROLERS:
All Hail! Lord, we greet Thee,
Born this happy morning,
O Jesus! for evermore be Thy name adored.
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.
JM: Okay. Okay.
CC: I don’t want you to stop being you. I wouldn't dream of asking that. But, let’s make this reincarnation of the Cameron Cruise Project something we can both be proud of. Let’s not shoot ourselves in the foot this time.
JM: A rebirth? Cruise…just when I thought I may be done….Wrestleverse, we’re going to put on our biggest show to date. Two kings taking back their crowns.
CC: And sitting on a throne of mutual respect!
(The group of Carolers start to pick up and move to the next house. As Cruise steps to his left he trips and falls face first into the snow.)
CAROLERS: HAHA!
(CLOSE-UP: Cameron’s shoes tied together.)
JM: (laughing) No, I think the old style still plays.
(FTB)
CAROLERS:
Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.
(CLOSE-UP: Melton and Cruise mouthing the lyrics. Kids nearby steal glances at their heroes and blush.)
CC: (leaning in to Joey’s left ear) I don’t understand why Dan is so mad at you. I’ve been perfectly willing to do media and promote our match. I’ve almost begun to think Ryan doesn’t WANT me to say anything.
JM: He’d let you stick a finger up his ass if you were a doctor, but you’re not. And here, Cameron, you’re not the showman. You’re not the ‘voice’ of the Cameron Cruise Project. Understand?
CC: How can the namesake be the silent one?
CAROLERS:
Joy to the world, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.
JM: Did you not ever understand the name to be irony? Parody even?
CC: Well, I thought it was a mite disrespectful at first, but…
JM: Cameron baby, the Project worked because the people got it. You were being taken for a ride and they went along with you. Through your eyes they experienced greatness. It’s how I’ve stayed relevant on the tag scene for fifteen years. I take someone who can’t tie his shoes without me and bring him fame and fortune. Who doesn’t want to see that? It could only make more sense if I were to take Sean Astin by my side.
CC: So when you came to me, broke, and begging for work…
JM: SET UP! Yes. Finally he gets it…The great ones can sell even the most implausible of circumstances.
CAROLERS:
No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
CC: Right. It was easier to buy this bull**** when we were cashing merchandising checks every time we turned around and fronting sold out stadiums. I was crazy enough to agree to this booking, don’t make me regret it before you inevitably screw me in the back. Melton we’re a novelty.
JM: A wha?
CC: I’ll admit it was charming initially to see you spell “Saturday” “Saterday” in emails, or to see you continuously overstate your celebrity worth. It’s been more fun to laugh at you over the last few years than anything else, but we all have to graduate one day. At some point, lifting a cheek and ripping one in the car at a key moment no longer plays.
CAROLERS:
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.
JM: I told you that was a by product of reintroducing meat into my diet. A mistake I should’ve never made, I grant you, but…
CC: Joey has it even occurred to you that we’re not the ones selling this match? That Wrestleverse is a heat check. Why would the Project still sell? Melton we finished showing taped segments on AGGRESSION wrestling local teams in a Kentucky barn.
CAROLERS:
He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.
JM: What are you saying here? That we drove the car a little too hard? That we made a mistake not censoring ourselves? That perhaps we should not have taken any paying job offered? That wrestling in front of a hundred democratic hungry Iran students on the Iran/France border was a mistake?
CC: Iran/France border?
JM: YOU KNOW I HATE GEOGRAPHY **** CRUISE! STOP SHOVING MY IGORGANCE BACK IN MY FACE.
CAROLERS:
O Come All Ye Faithful
Joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him,
Born the King of Angels;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.
CC: I’m saying I’m not sure we can shovel all the bull**** we dug away. You’ve done a remarkable job staying relevant for thirty years (JM: Watch it….) but cage matches with Adrian on a Cruise ship?
JM: I didn’t hear you complaining when the buffet was free.
CC: The food is always included, Melton.
JM: Yeah well…
CC: For all your talk about planting seeds and creating a forest, it amazes me that it’s never once crossed your mind that you’re the opening act. Wonder twins activate! You’ll form a Torch!
JM: You think I’m finished?
CAROLERS:
O Sing, choirs of angels,
Sing in exultation,
Sing all that hear in heaven God's holy word.
Give to our Father glory in the Highest;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.
CC: What do you think?
(Pause. Melton ponders and almost cries.)
JM: (beat) Wait a second…
(Cruise beams.)
JM: You ass!
CC: Oh, it’s not quite as much fun on the other foot is it, someone running your career down, making you feel like ****.
JM: Yeah, but when I do it its not blatant lies! And it’s more fun!
CC: I understood the name was parody, Joey. I went along with it, because like you, the options presented were limited, but they’re not anymore.
CAROLERS:
All Hail! Lord, we greet Thee,
Born this happy morning,
O Jesus! for evermore be Thy name adored.
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.
JM: Okay. Okay.
CC: I don’t want you to stop being you. I wouldn't dream of asking that. But, let’s make this reincarnation of the Cameron Cruise Project something we can both be proud of. Let’s not shoot ourselves in the foot this time.
JM: A rebirth? Cruise…just when I thought I may be done….Wrestleverse, we’re going to put on our biggest show to date. Two kings taking back their crowns.
CC: And sitting on a throne of mutual respect!
(The group of Carolers start to pick up and move to the next house. As Cruise steps to his left he trips and falls face first into the snow.)
CAROLERS: HAHA!
(CLOSE-UP: Cameron’s shoes tied together.)
JM: (laughing) No, I think the old style still plays.
(FTB)
Last edited:
MrWest
League Member
(A long, yellow school bus pulls up ib front od the arena and Chip, Slambo and their 45 orphans disembark from the bus. Ed D'Enteviouer is there to meet them.)
ED: Hey Chip. Wrestleverse is scheduled to start in about 20 minutes. I was worried you guys weren't going to make it.
CHIP: Yeah, tell me about it. I mean you repeat over and over and over until you face is blue to make sure to use the toilet when we at the rest stop and then ten minutes after yuo get back on the highway...
ED: Yeah, travelling with kids can be nuts
CHIP: Who's talking abouth the kids? Freaking clown must have a bladder like a thimbel.
SLAMBO: I like green tea. So sue me.
ED: Well, I am just glad you made it. Apparently, Mr. Farnswirth hasn't arrived yet either.
CHIP: C'mon now, Ed. You can't really expect a guy like Dickie to interupt his busy holiday schedule to waste his time stepping into the ring against the likes of the Ancient One Joe Melton and his mystery partner.
ED: Actually Chip, Melton and his partner Cameron Cruise are former holders of the EPW Tag Team Champion belts.
CHIP: And you telling me how they actually won those isn't a mystery to you?
ED: Well, I am not one to judge...
CHIP: Good, they you won't be taken aback when I tell you, with all honesty, that the Highland Park Social Club has been sorely disappointed with the opportunities we've been given here in EPW. I mean, sure we beat two roided out monkeys for the tag straps. But I fully expected to have been on the cover of at least one video game by now. Heck, I am not even talking about a PS 3 or 360 game even. I'd even settle a freaking board game at this point. And lets not even get into the fact that Lindsay Troy's action figure has bigger legs that mine!!!
ED: Chip. Have you seen your legs?
CHIP: Point not withstanding. All I am saying is that this week, the clown and I are coming to the ring with an attitude. We are coming to ring with a purpose. And after we defeat the Projectors in the center of the ring, I am marching right on over to Ryans office and I am sitting the big guy down and we are GOING TO TALK MECHANIDISING!!!!!
Dangit.
ED: Hey Chip. Wrestleverse is scheduled to start in about 20 minutes. I was worried you guys weren't going to make it.
CHIP: Yeah, tell me about it. I mean you repeat over and over and over until you face is blue to make sure to use the toilet when we at the rest stop and then ten minutes after yuo get back on the highway...
ED: Yeah, travelling with kids can be nuts
CHIP: Who's talking abouth the kids? Freaking clown must have a bladder like a thimbel.
SLAMBO: I like green tea. So sue me.
ED: Well, I am just glad you made it. Apparently, Mr. Farnswirth hasn't arrived yet either.
CHIP: C'mon now, Ed. You can't really expect a guy like Dickie to interupt his busy holiday schedule to waste his time stepping into the ring against the likes of the Ancient One Joe Melton and his mystery partner.
ED: Actually Chip, Melton and his partner Cameron Cruise are former holders of the EPW Tag Team Champion belts.
CHIP: And you telling me how they actually won those isn't a mystery to you?
ED: Well, I am not one to judge...
CHIP: Good, they you won't be taken aback when I tell you, with all honesty, that the Highland Park Social Club has been sorely disappointed with the opportunities we've been given here in EPW. I mean, sure we beat two roided out monkeys for the tag straps. But I fully expected to have been on the cover of at least one video game by now. Heck, I am not even talking about a PS 3 or 360 game even. I'd even settle a freaking board game at this point. And lets not even get into the fact that Lindsay Troy's action figure has bigger legs that mine!!!
ED: Chip. Have you seen your legs?
CHIP: Point not withstanding. All I am saying is that this week, the clown and I are coming to the ring with an attitude. We are coming to ring with a purpose. And after we defeat the Projectors in the center of the ring, I am marching right on over to Ryans office and I am sitting the big guy down and we are GOING TO TALK MECHANIDISING!!!!!
Dangit.