2009 FW Draft Thread

[jediPREZ]

Re: AWA Second and Third Round Picks

All this CSWA love and nobody takes the man that retired Hornet...for a week.

(CUTTO: THE GREAT KABUKI donning an army helmet...)

KABUKI: "Give UWL:WCFW the STRONGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD and prepare yourselves to find a seat in the third row...the HARD way. We take GUNS."

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The Whale Wars boat sailing around, a random eco-terrorist sailor looks at the camera.)

ECO-TERRORIST SAILOR: As we seek to save whales...We now draft BIG DOG...Who saved A1E from being closed by the evil of Dan Ryan!

(FADEOUT)

 

[LQJT86C]

(CUTTO: David Letterman and the Tonight Show Band getting ready to do a bukkake jizz on the Palin girls)

LETTERMAN: You know, 5 minutes ago the condom got stuck inside of Willow...we had to call a DOCTOR to get it out!

WILLOW: DOCTOR SILVER?

LETTERMAN: No you stupid girl, Doctor Rosenthal, M.D.! But hey, Doc Silver sounds like a mighty fine pick! Why don't you draft him?

WILLOW: Sorry, was getting a little paranoid that you'd jizz on me while I made the pick. Fine, I choose DOC SILVER!

LETTERMAN: You hear that? This little piece of garbage wants the bukkake! Guess the lil slut's only happy when it rains! (continues to jerk it)

 

[fugginVOSS]

[The Amstrad begins to come to life again, flashing images of the backs of shoes. Finally, it burbles into a output that makes the next selection for Oliver Copp Championship Wrestling.]

TNM7: Oli-ver... Copp... Cham-pi-on-ship... Wrest-ling... sel-ect... SONNY SILVER!

[The computer slowly powers down and when it's screen fades to black it let's out an almighty Flair-esque "WOOOOOO~!"]

 

[CuseTroy]

[Mitch once again staggers to the podium and pulls out a nearly shredded index card, then puts on a pair of horn-rimmed reading glasses and clears his throat.]

MITCH: Pro Wrestling ZOMBIE pick ... "THE MECCA" MARCUS WESTCOTT.

Thank you.

...

...

...

Oh, and BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSS.

That is all.

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

The Red Sea parts, Lazarus breakdances on his grave, and the Jesus Fighting Championship selects YORI YAKAMO JR. to conclude the third round.

My next pick will come shortly.

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

Chip Christ materlializes before the podium.

C-CHRIST: "Since everyone LOVES a resurrection, the JFC selects the second-coming of ICE TRE."

 

[CuseTroy]

[Mitch the Zombie returns to the podium once more.]

MITCH: Pro Wrestling ZOMBIE selects ... TCHU.

CHORUS OF ZOMBIES: GESUNDHEIT!

[Collective groans, mixed in with wails of "BRAAAINS"]

 

[fugginVOSS]

[The Amstrad monitor has a bandage wrapped around what might be the abdominal region of it.]

TNM7: Oli-ver... Copp... Cham-pi-on-ship... Wrest-ling... sel-ect... ALIAS!

[The screen fizzes and smoke begins to filter from the cassette drive.]

 

[LQJT86C]

(CUTTO: DAVID LETTERMAN looking down off-camera in disbelief and horror, with blood all over his hairy man-chest)

LETTERMAN: Oh God...what have I done...(cries)...what have I done?!

(Willow's hand reaches up from below the camera shot, blood caked on it)

WILLOW: JAY...AYE...JAY...AYE...

LETTERMAN: She speaks! JA it is!

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: A sailor watching a Japanese whaling ship off in the distance.)

SAILOR: We're going to need help to catch those guys before they start doing their legal, and acceptable to Japanese culture job of whaling, which we, as moronically insane busybodies, oppose...We'll need help from the GOD OF WAR for this...So we're drafting ARES...

(Sailor looks at the ship with binoculars.)

SAILOR: NO!!! THEY ARE WHALING!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(FADEOUT)

 

[jediPREZ]

THE GREAT KABUKI: "OHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT'S CREEDZILLLLLLLLLLLLLLAH! CREEEEEEEEEEDZILLLLLLLLLLLLLAH!"


(Translation: Our next pick is KODIAK VIC CREED)

 

[TH]

CC: o hai! i hadz a vision from Ceiling Cat and he tolds me to say "i can has High Flyer, plz?" Sos I can has High Flyer, plz?

 

[TSiegel]

(Fadein, a gameroom. Cigar smoke and cards being shuffled can be heard as the camera follows into a room where the Dangle Brothers are sitting, one smoking a "Gurhka"-styled cigar infused with "Louis the 13th" Cognac motions to the other one. Turning around the other one looks the camera dead in the eye.)

"CARDIGO MYSTERIAN. BEECHES."

(Fadeout as both men return to the card game.)

 

[Nova]

(CUTTO: HYPERSPACE KID, his face two inches from the camera, surrounded by thick smoke.) HYPERSPACE KID: Real simple. Garbage Bag Johnny. "The Life of the Mind" Rook Black. (FADEOUT.)

 

[TSiegel]

(CUTTO: The Dangle Brothers at the bar, both ordering the same drink at the same time. One looks at the other as the other shakes his head at the camera.)

COPYCAT.

 

[DBrunkGXW]

For Tom:

SPOILER

 

[jediPREZ]

(THE GREAT KABUKI sits the all-knowing shrine of wrestling...)

KABUKI: "We select...EVAN AHO."

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The scumbag captain looking over the seas.)

CAPTAIN: We're in need of somebody who knows what it's like on the open sea...A man who could sail from one country to another for freedom!

We select Armando Montazuma!

(FADEOUT)

 

[LQJT86C]

(CUTTO: DAVID LETTERMAN dragging WILLOW'S lifeless body to a six foot hole, tosses her in)

LETTERMAN: God, she was so beautiful. But my love for her? IT IS UNDYING!

Kinda like ROCKO DAYMON!

(Late Night band begins to play)

KEVIN: Hey hey, that was real funny Dave!

LETTERMAN: Did I ask your opinion? Shut your f*cking mouth and make me some cereal...NOW! We're drafting Rocko Daymon, and that's a wrap!