I'm at the DIA, sitting in a theater for the Detroit Revealed on Film
exhibit. Fascinating stuff. I'm in the back of the place to avoid distracting anyone.
I am a boy scout, after all.
"If I could make a request, Hypocrite?"
I know, I've used up my allotment for this particular episode of Aggression.
"But you should really address your opponents without your partner present. I don't know what it is, but when you're talking by yourself, even when you're delusional and wrong, you sound like a calm, rational, reasonable human being. When you're sitting with Jared Wells at the Dangle Bar, you sound like a cliche - spewing caricature of what a drunk man thinks a professional wrestler is supposed to be. I don't know if it's something in the alcohol, or if it's just peer pressure and wanting your partner to like you..."
"It's like you're a completely different person. You should look into that."
"Nobody ever downplayed your work ethic, Hypocrite. Working three jobs and going to college completely on your own, that's something to be commended."
"I just don't know where you're going with that. You say you love the wrestling business because of what it does for you - it keeps you in the lifestyle to which you're accustomed."
"And... Paul Freeman begged you. Begged you and begged you and begged you and begged you to join his company, which would assume that he wanted you on your own merits. So of course, you were his Champion, right?"
"And you could sell out arenas on your own, right?"
"But you still teamed with Joey Melton, paid for his life and carried him for two years, solely because you had a lot to learn, right?"
"Well, which is it? If you were begged to join a company by the owner himself, it would assume that you had nothing left to learn. Did you take stupid pills between ownerships?"
I apologize for the bad joke, but that's all.
"As an aside, Hypocrite... I understand that wrestling at the Playboy Mansion and giving Hugh Hefner a show was the highlight of your career. You seem to bring that up every time you open your mouth, so you're obviously very proud of that."
"First off, I don't care. I never cared. I've been onstage and just offstage in front of seventy thousand insane metalheads; an old man's house and bleach blonde, surgically enhanced women don't occupy much time through my day. Though I can kind of see why you're divorced."
"Secondly, I hope you got that taken care of
"What is it, Hypocrite? Is it about being around famous people? Because as someone who is
friends with mainstream celebrities, I should let you know that famous people who let you gush over them the way you do over Hugh Hefner... they don't like you. You're an ego boost."
"And if it's about the prestige of wrestling at the playboy mansion... then your priorities are all screwed up. I'd think wrestling at Wrestleverse in front of real wrestling fans
would mean more to you. Beating The First a few years ago, winning the TV Title last year... Heck, I'd think that even though you didn't win, taking part at Wrestlestock II in the New Frontier in front of over a hundred thousand crazy wrestling fans would mean more than a social event where at least half the people there were there just to be seen."
"Kinda like you, right?"
You said it, not me.
"But let's focus on the Empire, Hypocrite, and your run of success that you were begged to show up and continue and were put in a tag team instead of the main event matches--"
Oh, I'm sorry, it was just another blinding flash of the obvious.
"You drove out Suicide, and Troy Douglas, and Donovan Astros and Jack Harmen and his friends, that means you get things done? You also beat Stalker and The First, as you remind us, over and over and over again... and they're both still here. They're also the number one contender and the World Champion. Does that mean that you didn't
get things done there? Or for the wrestlers who didn't leave after you beat them, the fact that you beat them is enough?"
"There's a reason why I call you King Hypocrite, you know."
"And you get things done around here, which is more than you can say for me, which is why we won Championship belts at the same event and only one of us managed to have a single successful defense."
"But Willard was a failure because it took him two tries."
And that's another reason.
"I think the main thing that gets me about you, Hypocrite, is that you keep referring to everything that's happened before now as a sure sign that you deserve the World Title and everything that comes with it, even going so far as to make up how influential a group was, or how Sean Stevens' title reign drove the company into the ground when the books, the buyrates, and the general opinion of the company to the industry as a whole show that the exact opposite was true."
"But beyond all of your fudging the truth to make yourself feel better, beyond all of the victories over the major players that you've gathered without once being able to capitalize when it could put the ball right in your hands... there's a fact that you keep avoiding."
And it has nothing to do with the Empire, but roll with me.
"Because while we've never faced off here in the Empire... we've been on opposite sides of the ring a few times over the years."
"And you've never won."
"I believe I pinned you for the first official victory of my professional wrestling career, and your hand has never gone up."
"Now, if I was you, Hypocrite, I'd tell you that that's a sign that I own you and this is going to be an effortless victory."
"But I'm not you, I'm just a boy scout or something. Envious, because I was drinking."
You do realize I recorded most of the videos and promos that I've released for any of the companies I've ever worked for have taken place in a bar, right? With a drink in front of me, right?
"What does it all mean, Hypocrite?"
"It means that while you and Wells are patting each other on the back over how awesome you are, you'd do well to remember that your opponents are the number one contender
and the Empire's Intercontinental Champion
, also undefeated in the Empire
"And that means you're - once again - in for the match of your life."
"Good luck, Danglers."
gonna need it."