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AGGRESSION 66: Stalker & Impulse (c) vs. Cameron Cruise & Jared Wells

User Poets

The Shadow Pope
Jan 6, 1995
Top of the Pile
A Deal with the Devil.


I'm in a bar somewhere in Chicago and I'm kinda drunk.

What? I'm of age. Besides, I realized, when traveling around Michigan to promote my match with Daddy, I like the people and I like getting into it with the people. And this place has Wrestling Nights on Wednesdays, which is pretty much the only night of the week that no live wrestling airs. Lucky me, tonight they were showing Aggression 65.

So I ended up doing a lot of shots with a lot of people because I liked the atmosphere and wanted to record my promo here; unfortunately the only way to get the necessary amount of time and space is to wait out the night for last call.


"Has Impulse lost his mind?"

"Has he turned to the dark side?"

"Will Mr. Freeze make a Popsicle out of Gotham City?"

"Find out the answers to these questions and more at Aggression 66... same Pulse time, same Pulse Channel."

No, I don't know where that came from, but I regret nothing.

"Other than the last, these are questions people have been asking me all night. Why would I agree to team with Stalker? Don't I know that he's a manipulative bastard who deals in long - term convoluted plans the way kids used to deal with baseball cards?"

"Of course I do."

"Don't I realize that Stalker will do his best to double cross me and leave me laying?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why would I have ever ever agreed to this match?"

"Three reasons."

"One, it gives Caitlyn Daymon some breathing room, that girl's been through enough. Two, it guarantees me a one on one match against Stalker where he won't be able to work any of his master plans - inside a locked cage he'll have to win or lose on his own merit and his own talent... if he can."

"And three, I fully expect Stalker to double cross me."

Wait for it.

"AFTER the match is over."

"What does it gain him to leave me laying for the Danglers to get the pin? A victory over the undefeated Intercontinental Champion and the number one contender to the Empire World Title would only give them credibility."

"Stalker is a Machiavellian Madman... but the Danglers are just annoying."

"So why did I agree to this match?"

"Because I trust Stalker only so far as the fact that we both want the Danglers to lose."

"After that?"

"I'm gonna have my hands up."

(When the music's over, turn out the lights...)


Jan 1, 2000
Baltimore, Maryland
The future is SLAM.

(Sudden static occurs as it's cleared up with the words "The Following message has been brought to you by the Dangle Brothers".)

CRUISE: Get the **** outta here....you...IMPULSE...

The ******* BOYSCOUT...you DRINK??

WELLS: Sometimes you want to go where everybody will never remember your name. Sippers are gonna sip.

CRUISE: That's surprising, seeing as traditional as you play it, we'd be more likely to hear you tell the bartender "Scotch on the rocks, hold the scotch!!"

WELLS: We NEVER moderate. SLAM what you SLAM.

CRUISE: See, the problem with people like you Impulse, is that you go out LOOKING for people to hang out with. I mean, don't get me wrong, SIPPERS hang with SIPPERS all day, and that's fine with us, because the Dangle Brothers??


People come looking to hang out with US.

That's why we build cities, not just on Rock and Roll, but on REPUTATION.

(Jared holds up a piece of paper with Impulse's demands for Stalker)

WELLS: We've heard the demands from Impulse to Stalker.




3) Once I beat you at Black Dawn in a locked cage via pinfalls only, you and I are quits.

4) Do not tag me in unless you've put on sanitizer.

5) We wear the same tights.

6) Scrape me off the floor after The Danglers whip my ass

(Jared crumbles up the paper and punts it)

CRUISE: However, you go ahead and do what you do, it's much different than what we offer to get the job done and believe me...WE DO GET THE JOB DONE.

That's why when you were rangling up people outside of the company and proclaiming yourself a (Finger quotes) PURIST...

The Dangle Brothers were beating the world upside the head; compared to us...you barely EXISTED.

WELLS: The ambiguous duo of Stalker and Impulse makes no sense. Chuck Norris killed by Bruce Lee? That makes sense. The Dangle Brothers giving the EPW life again? That makes sense. Cameron Cruise becoming EPW World Champion. That makes sense. Daddy paying for sex? Nope. You see Impulse forget about Black Dawn because Stalker won't even be alive by then. You beat me once, now let's see you do again. One time means nothing to daddy. When I get my next shot at the Intercontinental title, with the snap of my fingers your journey will be over. Depression kicks into your little midget head and you're on your way back to the world of the living, smiling, regular people, Best Buy dumpster diving, sippers.

CRUISE: Now, I know what you're gonna say....Trips-this-and-that, I got kicked out of the same club I helped bring to the Promised Land; but it's like this:

**** Sean Stevens, HE'S A SIPPER TOO!!

WELLS: Are you a SLAMerican, or a SLAMerican't? F(BLEEP)K Stevens. I give him all the credit in the world but you just can't come back driving an old beat up Chevy Cavalier with rims costing more than the car itself.

CRUISE: Notice, how he had to comeback to EPW, even though he didn't really NEED to?? I know he can't stand The First as the World Heavyweight Champion, and believe me, that isn't far behind us, that's the one stand-a-lone fact he has in common with the Dangle Brothers.

WELLS: Remember when he was in Anthology? I don't.

CRUISE: In the meantime, you call Jason Reeves..."The Devil"??

You're ****ing kidding me, right??

You wanna agree to disagree with Reeves on the fact that he's a manipulative little bastard and while he IS...let's remind you of a few things:

One, (motioning to Wells and himself) we don't give a **** about Caitlyn Daymon; the fact is that if she didn't want to get her ass beat up on a nightly basis, she should've done the HUSBANDLY THING TO DO...because we know she wore the pants in her relationship with Rocko....and she should've stayed her nosy-punk-ass home.

But you wanna make a deal with Jason to team with us...at OUR expense??

Mother****er, how do you know it's just not yours and yours only??

I mean...after all...we ARE...and that includes you too, Impulse...entering "Stalker's World".

(A beat passes as the two of them look at each other and double over laughing. As they get their composure back, Cruise continues...)

CRUISE: What kinda credibility do I need from beating you and Jason??

I've BEEN the Intercontinental Champion, and I've already beaten Jason as well as The First...the fact is that you're in over your head, son!!

WELLS: When you say Stalker's World do you mean go sit on Ronald McDonald's lap, take a picture, go to the play land? Dawg, I don't want to go there.

CRUISE: By the way...you're kidding yourself if you think Jason is intimidating....I mean, he's NEVER beaten me, and I KNOW he can't beat Wells....he's about as intimidating as a damned box full of KITTENS.

And Stalker's World??

You really think he's the devil, that he's some "machivilian madman"??

Go right ahead.

In the meantime, think about this for awhile, Impulse:

How's it feel to know that he's our *****??

WELLS: There’s no better feeling than winning. Dealing your opponent the death blow, then standing over his lifeless body as the world around you leaps to their feet, falling all over each other, to get a taste of your hero’s jizzm. The Dangle Brothers are the hero's. Impulse, Stalker, you both have to deal with each other for one night only. ONE NIGHT! Trust each other, protect each other. A true friend is someone who understands your past, believe in your future, and accepts you today, just the way you are. Just remember nerds.......

(Wells & Cruise both put on top hats and sing)


(Camera cuts to static and black screen)



I stalk, because I care
May 2, 2007

"So Impulse, you still denying the look you had in your eyes as you watched me bury Jared Wells into the mat?"

(Fade in. Jason Reeves, same dirtbag style motel, same dirtbag style set up. Whiskey glass in hand and his face is damn well tired. But he's here. Showing up and stating the truth... as usual.)

Stalker: Well at least we agreed to some terms, eh buddy? Truth is The Dangle Brothers are the biggest f*cking pansies to ever grace EPW. Cameron Cruise suddenly grows a pair of balls everytime his inbred brother shows up? Give me a break.

Firstly, Cameron Cruise, you NEED to stop name dropping me every f*cking time you open your mouth. Wow congratulations you've won a handful of matches against me. I can list you a phone book of wrestlers I have lost to.

How many wrestlers on your list have you changed dramatically? None. I guarantee it. You are nowhere near my level. Hell, I am the sole reason The First became champion the first time. As much as I would love to say I handed him the belt again the second time, I know I didn't, but there is no more bigger influence in that kid's life other then me right now.

We are great friends! Hell I came out and defended him against Nark and Rezin. Who else would step up like that against such fearsome maniacs?

Certainly not Jared Wells. That's because I flat out b*tch slapped him into the EMT's ambulance. Then the coward tries to portray me in a promo featuring Grimace and Ronald McDonald. Are you serious.......


(This gives Jason a chuckle as he continues on.)

Stalker: I am sure you are going to rant and rave about Sippers and Dongs and whatever it is you gay men frequent your promos with. In the end it doesn't matter. None of it. At Aggression 66 your catch phrases, cool comments and dick jokes will not matter when you are laying on the mat with blood on your face.

All I needed was a breather, Impulse stepped up and became that breather.

EPW is no longer a place for your kind to exist. EPW has now officially become.. the real world.

And just in case you two idiots have yet to figure out what the real world is.....

It's pretty damn simple.

The Real World is MY WORLD or have you two idiots not been paying attention in class.

Yeahhhhhhh budddy.

F*cking idiots.

(The truth has officially faded to black. FTDB!)

"Or has he?"

(Fade in to the DB's promo, true edition.)

Sipper, Sipper, Sipper, Slammer, Sipper, Sipper.

(Fade back to Jason Reeves.)

Stalker: As I said.... F*ck the Dangle Brothers. Pathetic idiots. Get the f*ck out of my world and go live in a dumpster where you belong.

(True fade. Brought to you by the truth. FTDB!)



Jan 1, 2000
Baltimore, Maryland
I understand.

(TIME 2:03am ET)

(Camera open up to Dangles Bar & Grill just closing up. Place getting cleaned up, bartender counting money at the register. Camera pans over at the end of the bar where the owner Jared Wells is sitting wearing flip flops, jeans, an EPW black cutoff tee shirt that reads 'DADDY')

JARED WELLS: Stalker. Jason Reeves. Ronald McDonald. What is the truth? Something which would probably upset a great many of people if it were known and public? Let's face it, you sitting there TRYING your best to be a SLAMMER drinking some of that WHHHHIIIIIISSSSKKKAAYYYYY? Nope. I truly think you need to clear your head and chalk yourself a history lesson on who the F(BLEEP)K Cameron Cruise & Jared Wells are, and what they did to the EPW. The truth is now your pissed off now that I'm back, I'm stealing your thunder. Thunder you had because the world of the EPW was going down the drain. Desperation. Why do you think legends like us are coming back? When I was here last time, you were only sixty pounds when you're wet and wearin' boots.

Cameron OWNS you. I OWN you. I've always have Ronald. EPW is no longer a place for my kind? HAVE YOU SEEN THE FOLLOWING? The EPW WAS DESPERATE for my return. YAY?! TRIPLE X RETURNED? Same old chrome job. I come back with a lady and a hand job, all of the sudden I have everyones attention. YOU NEED ME. IMPULSE NEEDS ME.

(ECHO OF: "Truth is The Dangle Brothers are the biggest F(BLEEP)KING pansies ever grace EPW)

What is the real world Jason? Now? Today? You think what you do is setting the standard? The moon, the stars, the blood, the hurt, the pain.............I've heard it since 1995. I've been a world champion numerous times and at this point in my career, I want that one title. The intercontinental title.

(Shots of rum)

Inbred? No, I'm not dying my hair black, nor emo, nor growing my hair out, nor talking about the same thing OVER, and OVER, and OVER, and OVER. Stalker. Jason. Ronald, you're a nerd. You put your hands on me because you needed a boost in your career. Sucks for you because DADDY is staying for good. Once upon a time I believed in destiny. But now I say F(BLEEP)K that, B. Everything I have in this life I earned myself. F(BLEEP)K your career Stalker. Who wants to lick DADDY'S lime?

User Poets

The Shadow Pope
Jan 6, 1995
Top of the Pile
Professional Wrestling 101


Second verse, same as the first.


"I get it, I really do."

"I mean, it's great and all that the Empire has this charity program to help down - on - their - luck wrestlers pay the bills and stuff... but there needs to be some kind of standard for the way they put together groups of words."

"Also, we don't want to know what Jared Wells is dangling for Cameron Cruise to sip out of while he makes him call him Daddy. It's just... gross."

Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

"You sure get the job done, all right, Cameron. That's why you and Wells are currently wearing the World and Intercontinental Championship belts."


Get the job done, did the job-- hello, fourth wall.

"And I think it's hilarious how 'one time' means nothing to the Dangle Brothers when they lost their matches and are rarin' to go to get another shot, but all Cameron Cruise could do for Aggression 65 was remind us, over and over again, how he beat The First one time, and that makes him a better wrestler and a better human being and the only wrestler that matters and whatnot. You've also beaten Stalker and you've been the Intercontinental Champion. 'One Time' means nothing to the Dangle Brothers, right?"

"It's common to find professional wrestlers who talk out of both sides of their mouth but it's rare to see somebody who is so blatantly obvious that they're not trying to hide the fact that what they say only applies to them if it benefits them."

Cameron Cruise is many things, but he's now officially Emperor Hypocrite.

"But the truth is, I feel sorry for Cameron Cruise and Jared Wells."

"I pity them."

"Not because they're terrified of the prospect that someone will find out that they have no idea what they're doing."

We already know that much.

"Not because they haven't yet figured out that if you say a lot of words really loud it won't cover the fact that they're saying nonsense."

The rest of us figured that out a long time ago.

"It's because... somehow... they truly believe that they matter."

"That's not a harsh thing to say, it's just that sometimes the truth hurts."

"All their talking about how Anthology owned the Empire and they ran things... It's just not true."

"Sean Stevens and Lindsay Troy owned the Empire. They ran things. Their names are and were still spoken with hushed reverence over what they meant to the Empire in the past. Beast and Christian Sands. These are names that shaped the Empire."

"Empire Pro Wrestling was never on my radar as a wrestling fan until I started working here, but these were names that I knew and respected."

"Jared Wells was a name that I never heard."

"King Hypocrite was only known to me because he's a shameless, attention - seeking whore who just wants to be loved."

"The sad fact is that neither one of you matter."

"King Hypocrite has defeated Stalker and he's defeated The First, and has since failed to do anything to make his name mean something. Like his entire career, he attaches himself to someone else so nobody will notice his faults. Unlike the rest of his career, this time, he's attached himself to someone who could disappear tomorrow and nobody would notice that he was gone."

"Am I wrong?"

"Jared Wells disappeared in 2009 and nobody noticed."

"I don't fault either of you for doing anything you can to survive in this industry, I just wish you'd be honest about it."



I spoil things.
Jan 1, 2000
Merced, California USA

"You want honesty, Impulse?? Fine...let's be honest."

(CUTTO: The Dangle Brother's Bar & Grill, Cameron Cruise sits in the Dangle Brother's back office, dressed in black slacks and black sports coat with a white undershirt on underneath as the camera pans toward him, anonymous workers refurbishing the bar with Dangle Brother Memorabilia, some of which include the EPW Tag Team Championships that they won respectively, and Cruise' IC and TV titles.)

CRUISE: This bar...wasn't bought and paid for by Dan Ryan and Empire Pro Wrestling, but it's like you to assume that AS a boyscout, Dan Ryan would lend a hand to such stellar athletes as Wells and myself.

After all...you'd help an old lady cross the street, and with that I'd normally say "Good on you" for doing such a good deed.

But since we're being (finger quotes) HONEST...sure, she'd probably thank you and wish that you'd go on a date with her granddaughter for being such an outstanding citizen...but secretly...

(Cruise waves the camera forward in which it cuts to an up close shot.)

She's wanting you to head back to her place so she can do all the vulgar, freaky, unspeakable things that her recently-passed husband refused to do to her for the last sixty years.

But at least she'd give you twelve bucks as a thank you....no sense in not rewarding those who don't put in the effort, right??

And believe me, Impulse....you DO put in the effort.

(Camera cuts back.)

No, you see...unlike you, I don't go from city-to-city and state-to-state and country-to-country and wrestle for less than what I'm worth; last I checked...parents--at least the REAL ones, the ones that would BEAT YOUR ASS if you had a cookie one hour before dinner, even though you were told not to--taught me how to manage money properly, how to budget and spend the way you SHOULD.

I don't NEED this business to survive on my own merit.

I did that twenty years ago when I got out of high school, working three jobs and going to College...you were probably five and still sucking your mother's tit at this point, but nevertheless...I WANT this business, not because of the sport and what it is....but what it's done FOR me...see, what you fail to realize is that I was living comfortably and almost to where I am today BEFORE I had things change for me shortly before Paul Freeman called me and asked me to PLEASE...PUH-LEEESE be in his company.

In case you hadn't figured it out, Freeman was the man in charge before Dan Ryan took over.

The fact is, that I did NOT want to be a part of the phenomenon that was "The 'Project", but Paul was signing the checks and for the sake of the fact that he was trying to show me a debt of gratitude for what I did for him...I agreed, and I agreed on a couple a reasons.

One...when you're getting paid a handsome sum that Freeman-and-now-Dan-Ryan is paying...you take the money. My grandfather said a long time ago, "Until they don't need you anymore...if they want to pay you to run in place for twelve hours...you better be prepared for cramps. "Now...my grandfather also had weird comparisons for describing when **** hit the fan, but the bottom line to that quote is simple: You don't have to LIKE doing your job, but you do it because you're being paid TO do it.

Secondly...who in the blue hell turns down the opportunity and risks termination instead of teaming and hanging out with a man that's figured out a way to win the World Heavyweight Championship sixteen-to-twenty times?? I mean, there's gotta be something to be said about a guy who's able to get to the top of the mountain more times than you've had *****, Impulse.

That isn't to say that he put forth an incredible amount of effort, the fact is simple: in that dynamic, it was ME who did all the work, in AND outside of the ring. It was ME who did the booking, ME who booked the travel, ME who paid for the long distance bills...every conceptual event that took place from wrestling gators in the 'Glades to putting on an impromptu clinic in the Grotto of the infamous Playboy Mansion in front of Hugh Hefner...ya know...

(Cruise stops a minute...taking a second to breathe a sigh before continuing...)

You don't know because you're a nerd, much like Jason, but you don't realize that only a select few people can call Hugh Hefner by a first name basis and get away with it...and guess who just happens to be one of those people??

(Drops a pen, gives the double-number-one salute)

Stuff it in your training bra's fellas, Jared and I are the only one's in that distinction between us and the rest of you sippers that can get away with it....and yes...it's BECAUSE we are who we are.

And I'm not even the World Heavyweight Champion.

Why was Freeman so grateful to me??

Probably because I took care of the one issue of notice in this company at the time, kicking Suicides' ass out of this company, not just because he's a terrible influence on the wretched youth of today, no, but for other reasons you're just not privy to knowing.

Why?? Because you don't DESERVE to, Impulse.

You're lucky that you're wearing the Intercontinental Championship as it is, but trust me...your days are numbered.

However, since you have this sick obsession of imagining the Dangle Brothers in all sorts of homo-erotic situations, allow me to clarify something here...

(Camera cuts up close for a second as Cruise gestures to himself)

EYE...have never called Jared "Daddy".

Women call him that. Strippers, Cougars, Waitresses and even Catholic School girls on occasion.

But as far as EYE know....you're the only DUDE who calls him that, which needless to say IS weird. Especially since you've the knack for being the boyscout that you are...what's next?? You want him to dress up as a Priest, you sick ****??

Nevermind, but yeah...we get the job done.

I'm the one that drove out Suicide....he's never been seen around here since. I'm the one that drove out Troy Douglas from Empire Pro, the same guy who tried challenging the system once and failed....and he's not been seen around here either.

EYE drove out Donovan Astros after he failed to keep up his end of the bargain, and I TOOK his title in the process.

And apparently the Prophecy didn't hold true for that kid because it took more than one time to beat me for that title.

And also...**** him too, he got lucky.

High Flyer and his little "Nerd-tourage"??

Fired, thanks to me.

So you see...I do get things done around here.

(Cruise holds his hands out, motioning to the entire bar.)

That's why I can get things done around HERE, which is more than what I can say for YOU.


You wanna do things old-school and in the ring, and that's fine...we can DO that; I've been doing what you're doing for YEARS, and that includes not needing the use of weapons or blinding-saliva to get the victory regardless of if there's a title on the line.

So yeah...in essence, you do wanna be LIKE us, you like the others in this world WANT us, and want to hang out WITH us.

How else can you possibly explain your recent actions, Knox??

The Drinking, the inverted flirting with Wells, the need to prove your worth against Jason....there's not a whole lot of room for you to point out that you envy our success.

And believe me...you can go **** yourself too, Knox, you manage to win one title in this match and you think you rate enough to call ME a hypocrite, when EYE am one of the most successful wrestlers to even set foot in this company??

Your little "cup of coffee" doesn't nearly rate to the pitchers of beer that Wells and I hold.

You and Reeves share the factor that you want us to lose, you CELEBRATE the fact that we "need" to lose??

Why, Randall?? Why is it suddenly that WE need to lose?? I mean, you can join the rest of the world that shares the same sentiment, but you could say that about ANYONE that has that kind of rise in your career.

Is it truly envy or even jealousy that pokes in your mind??

It was Anthology, the Dangle Brothers, who set the world on fire back then, and we're doing it again right NOW, simply by being the men we truly are. Listen, Knox it's hard to feel sorry about two guys that don't give a **** about you outside of the gold you hold around your waist.

And trust me...we really DON'T give a damn. It's like I said before....the both of you challenged US. I'm going to TAKE that title, Impulse, just like I've taken every other title I've challenged for, Jared likewise. The fact is, that I've nothing else to gun for in this company.

One more win...one more SPECIFIC win...and I'll have not only climbed to the top of the mountain as Stevens, Westcott, Sands, Troy and the others...but I'll have climbed a step HIGHER than any of them have even ATTEMPTED.

And only Troy, Stevens and Westcott made it to the Hall of Fame....once I win the World Heavyweight Championship...hell...that makes me a guaranteed LOCK.

You pity us??

****, we pity YOU.

You sit there and think that you actually have people that FOLLOW you, people that TRUST you.

You wanna help out Caitlyn??

Go right ahead, she's only alienated every form of help given to her so far, but WE...already knew that, EYE...could've told you that YEARS AGO, when Rocko was getting screwed out of every dime he had by that woman.

Helping Caitlyn Daymon is like helping out someone who just divorced you before putting out on a megaphone that you have a small dick to anyone willing to listen.

It just makes no sense.

The rest of US figured that out a long time ago.

But hey...even retarded nerds like Jason Reeves needs a plaything.

Why?? Like you said, Knox....

"It's because... somehow... they truly believe that they matter.That's not a harsh thing to say, it's just that sometimes the truth hurts."

Lindsay Troy never owned the Empire, that distinction belongs to Ryan, and it always has. Troy just played a managerial role that in the end, she couldn't handle. As far as Stevens?? That bastard went as far as to boot me from a group he had no business being in, and in a short amount of time, he drove a MILLION DOLLAR COMMODITY...straight into the ground.

My apologies to Dan Ryan's bank account.

Of COURSE Anthology ran things, we were what everyone in this business was talking about, thinking about, and hell...BEING about.

But you can believe what you want, Impulse, the last thing I want is for you to misunderstand the sarcasm in what I tell you...I WANT AND CARE for you to get a good night's sleep.

I know about Beast and Christian Sands, hell, I beat up and defeated Sands carcass in the middle of traffic as a point of interest that I BELONG here, so I SHOULD know who he is.

Jared Wells was a name that you never heard before you were hired to compete in Empire Pro??

Then how come you're so comfortable calling him "Daddy"??

You think I'm a "shameless, attention-seeking whore who just wants to be loved".

That's interesting you say that, Knox. Ever look in the mirror lately, or did you eliminate that option by doing just that??

If we didn't matter, then neither you, Stalker, or First would've even BOTHERED to give us a second look, you would've moved onward with your life and ignored us, and THAT is what's just not true, and you know it.

How else would you know that I've had the career I've had, Knox??

In your cup of coffee...since when does it really MATTER to you what I do-or-have-done in this business, either before or during your time in EPW?? You make a point to show me where I'm "wrong", regardless of implication of you giving a damn...so yeah...

You ARE wrong.

As far as Jason is concerned...I like how you call us pansies...pardon..."the biggest f*cking pansies to ever grace EPW", yet you've not beat me once yet. In fact, you've yet to even prove to me that you've got a athletic bone in your body....IN FACT...I've been putting people in hospital and out of this company for eight years now, what is it that you do that makes you any BETTER than me??

You threw an untalented punk out the window.

Good for you, I nearly ended Troy Douglas' CAREER by breaking his neck.

And I did it smack dab in the middle of that damn ring.

You two wanna know what my being in Empire Pro since the beginning does to the likes of you??

(Cruise gives the finger again.)

That's what my past does to you.

Jason's got a brown-stain in his panties because I keep proving to people what a waste of time he is. If you don't count the match for King of the Cage...which ASTROS lost...

Then I've not only won a handful of matches, Jason, I've beaten you convincingly.

Every time.

You can say you're the reason that First is the Heavyweight Champion the initial time, but you're FORGETTING about the 12 times he failed before that, you're FORGETTING about the whole "If I don't win the World Heavyweight Championship...I'm QUITTING!!!" tantrum that was had.

Mind you, this is the same coward that can't win a match without blinding the man with the legitimate garbage coming out of his mouth, but I refuse to digress.

YOUR WORLD...is a figment of your imagination, Jason, because I could careless about what other people think...what WE say...what WE do...that's what matters.

I asked Knox a question before and believe me...as much as I think you're retarded, I'm a fair man, so here's one for you:

If this is YOUR WORLD, how does it feel to know that the two men "living in it", have blatenly BITCH-SLAPPED you for it??

This is no longer your world, Reeves, even if it never WAS to begin with.

It doesn't matter if you "won" a title shot or not, Jason, I don't even care if you decide that you're gonna start having tea parties with The First, now that you've made a "friend".

As far as we're concerned...move over BITCH, because the Dangle Brothers are going straight to the TOP.



I stalk, because I care
May 2, 2007
I had to do it.

"Alright.... I didn't want to have to go down this road, but Cameron you have left me no choice. None what-so-ever."

(Fade in to Jason Reeves, sitting in front of a tv, located in the same dirt bag motel room we saw in his previous promo. He has Cameron Cruise's latest promo loaded up. And...... let's just say his look of anger in his eyes is probably about the same amount he had when he speared Rocko through that three story window.)

CRUISE: This bar...wasn't bought and paid for by Dan Ryan and Empire Pro Wrestling, but it's like you to assume that AS a boyscout, Dan Ryan would lend a hand to such stellar athletes as Wells and myself.

Stalker: First off, who the F*CK would eat at a bar named after two hanging balls. You'd be lucky if that place didn't shut down by the end of the year. Oh and by the way, in case you missed the past month, Impulse is no boyscout. I've said it a million times already and he gladly watched me and accepted my beat down of Jared Wells.

CRUISE: She's wanting you to head back to her place so she can do all the vulgar, freaky, unspeakable things that her recently-passed husband refused to do to her for the last sixty years.

Stalker: I think you are confusing yourself with Impulse. Yeah maybe all the coke head strippers, crack head milfs and bi-polar catholic school girls do call Jared Wells 'Daddy'. You on the other hand Cruise. I am sure those 70 year old brawds love calling you 'Sonny Boy'.

What the hell is wrong with me? I am defending Impulse.......

(Jason's face fills with disappointment in himself.)

CRUISE: No, you see...unlike you, I don't go from city-to-city and state-to-state and country-to-country and wrestle for less than what I'm worth; last I checked...parents--at least the REAL ones, the ones that would BEAT YOUR ASS if you had a cookie one hour before dinner, even though you were told not to--taught me how to manage money properly, how to budget and spend the way you SHOULD.

Stalker: Rewind just about 30 seconds and refer to my statement about you opening a bar called 'The Dangle Brothers'. I mean really man.... That's just asking for a weekly health inspection. You probably got food spent back on a regular basis, because Wells can't keep his junk inside his pants longer then 15 minutes.

Which is about the length of every match he's in as well. Blowing his load quickly before nodding off and fading out.

CRUISE: I don't NEED this business to survive on my own merit.

Stalker: This is the same guy, that gloats about the wins he's had over the past 20 years, in every promo he EVER shoots. EVERY single one.

I must admit I love describing how I destroyed Rocko Daymon. Unlike you though, who has mentioned beating me so many times, that the length of your previous promo could equal the amount of times you mentioned me since i've come to EPW.

If you haven't guessed that is a lot. So grow a freaking brain and stop talking about me.

CRUISE: I did that twenty years ago when I got out of high school, working three jobs and going to College...you were probably five and still sucking your mother's tit at this point, but nevertheless...I WANT this business, not because of the sport and what it is....but what it's done FOR me...see, what you fail to realize is that I was living comfortably and almost to where I am today BEFORE I had things change for me shortly before Paul Freeman called me and asked me to PLEASE...PUH-LEEESE be in his company.

Stalker: You know... as much as you WANT this business, it would almost seem as if you NEED it. Oh wait... never mind. Could've fooled me on that one, you f*cking moron.

CRUISE: Secondly...who in the blue hell turns down the opportunity and risks termination instead of teaming and hanging out with a man that's figured out a way to win the World Heavyweight Championship sixteen-to-twenty times?? I mean, there's gotta be something to be said about a guy who's able to get to the top of the mountain more times than you've had *****, Impulse.

Stalker: Are you talking about Jared Wells? I'm confused.... because the Jared Wells that I know has been nothing but a leech. Granted this is Empire Pro, where only the best can survive and thrive, so... what do his multiple world title reigns mean again?

OH! And before you go all flippy flappy with your mouth about the amount of singles titles you've won in Empire Pro, save your breath. I can refer back to the thirty some odd promos, you have done previously, where you listed every single one in alphabetical order.

I certainly don't need that lesson again.

(Jason looks at his paused television screen and ponders his thoughts for a few moments.)

Stalker: Should I really keep going? I mean. Damn if he hasn't figured it out by now, will he ever?

Every time this garbage bag opens his mouth it's a complete encyclopedia of history on everything and EVERYONE he has ever done. Rehashed, mixed, spruced up. Same old ****, every time. Will now be any different then before?

(Shaking his head.)

: Probably not. So... i'll just keep going.

CRUISE: You don't know because you're a nerd, much like Jason, but you don't realize that only a select few people can call Hugh Hefner by a first name basis and get away with it...and guess who just happens to be one of those people??

Stalker: Yeah well... I guess Impulse and I are pretty nerdy, with our single minded obsession with the match at hand. However if we go by the dictionary here.

(CUE UP: Nerd Dictionary form.

Nerd [nurd]
noun Slang.
1. a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.
2. an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pusuit.

Stalker: I think that's proof positive that all four of us are nerds, with you Cruise fitting the 'unattractive person' role.

CRUISE: Stuff it in your training bra's fellas, Jared and I are the only one's in that distinction between us and the rest of you sippers that can get away with it....and yes...it's BECAUSE we are who we are.

Stalker: Sippers AND training bras together in the same sentence.... clever boy.

CRUISE: You're lucky that you're wearing the Intercontinental Championship as it is, but trust me...your days are numbered.

Stalker: As much as I can't stand the f*cking fake prick, if I don't strip that title from around his waist, you can be damn sure i'll be there every time to stop either of you from doing it.

I would love to let the two of you do what you want. I simply can't, you had the f*cking nerve to call me out during one of your 'Dangle Brothers' appearances and sadly I just won't let that fly.

CRUISE: High Flyer and his little "Nerd-tourage"?? Fired, thanks to me.

Stalker: They got themselves fired you half wit. My god talk about reaching. I am surprised you didn't go on and on about your time limit draws with Adrian Willard. Oh wait, you eventually lost to him.

CRUISE: So yeah...in essence, you do wanna be LIKE us, you like the others in this world WANT us, and want to hang out WITH us.

Stalker: Your tag team is a sexual reference towards a ball sack. I think you are honestly on drugs if you really think people want to hang out with you. What you fail to realize is, all of your followers, strippers and midgets that you have in your 'entourage' are secretly being paid by the other ball in your sack.

CRUISE: You and Reeves share the factor that you want us to lose, you CELEBRATE the fact that we "need" to lose??

Stalker: Finally. Some damn truth that fell out of your mouth, was that an accident Cruise? Or are you referencing something else by that statement?

CRUISE: And only Troy, Stevens and Westcott made it to the Hall of Fame....once I win the World Heavyweight Championship...hell...that makes me a guaranteed LOCK.

Stalker: The only thing that would make you a guaranteed lock is if you unmasked and were actually The First this whole time.

CRUISE: But hey...even retarded nerds like Jason Reeves needs a plaything.

Stalker: SO! Now I am both retarded.... AND a nerd? Is that even possible? I mean really... I've already skipped over numerous statements I wanted to comment on badly, but that's just because 75% of them are even more stupid then this one.

Cameron get the f*ck out of that ball sack and grow a brain of your own. Obviously, being attached to Jared Wells is only bringing you down.

CRUISE: Of COURSE Anthology ran things, we were what everyone in this business was talking about, thinking about, and hell...BEING about.

Stalker: That's funny because from what I remember, the only time Anthology mattered was when Triple X became apart of it. That's the same time he sent your ****ty ass to the curb.

And unlike Impulse I was around to experience the whole 'Anthology' escapade. It's a shame that so much about the members of that group have changed. While, I, am still here and still the same maniac i've always been.

CRUISE: Then how come you're so comfortable calling him "Daddy"??

Stalker: For someone who doesn't call him Daddy, you sure like to reference him as Daddy A LOT!

CRUISE: If we didn't matter, then neither you, Stalker, or First would've even BOTHERED to give us a second look, you would've moved onward with your life and ignored us, and THAT is what's just not true, and you know it.

Stalker: None of us can ignore something that is too stupid to realize they don't belong. Or too stupid to quit name dropping, me of all people, from their mouths.

CRUISE: I could careless about what other people think...what WE say...what WE do...that's what matters.

Stalker: More lies....

Cruise none of it matters, you RANTED and RAVED for what....? Forty minutes to prove a point? A point about what? Your awesome bar? The many titles you've won, how you ran some poor schmuck named Suicide away? What the f*ck does any of that matter to this match?

And you claim to not care about what is said when it references Cameron Cruise?

Are you f*cking kidding me?

(Jason lets out a manic laugh.)

Stalker: So I just sat here for the past three hours, listening, re-listening, responding to everything you had to say to figure out, in the end, that you are just as useless as your other hanging ball?

Well f*ck my life then Cameron. F*ck it with a big stick and your Dangle Brother balls. Because I just wasted more time then you two morons will ever be worth.

Of course nothing that you say matters, when we get in that ring and the bell sounds, it'll be Stalker/Impulse vs. The Dangle Brothers. And as much hate, venom and desire I have to destroy that man, EVERYTHING you say and have said, makes this whole situation MUCH more bearable.

Neither of you will be walking away from that ring under your own power if I have my say.



User Poets

The Shadow Pope
Jan 6, 1995
Top of the Pile
Split Personality


I'm at the DIA, sitting in a theater for the Detroit Revealed on Film exhibit. Fascinating stuff. I'm in the back of the place to avoid distracting anyone.

I am a boy scout, after all.


"If I could make a request, Hypocrite?"

I know, I've used up my allotment for this particular episode of Aggression.

"But you should really address your opponents without your partner present. I don't know what it is, but when you're talking by yourself, even when you're delusional and wrong, you sound like a calm, rational, reasonable human being. When you're sitting with Jared Wells at the Dangle Bar, you sound like a cliche - spewing caricature of what a drunk man thinks a professional wrestler is supposed to be. I don't know if it's something in the alcohol, or if it's just peer pressure and wanting your partner to like you..."

"It's like you're a completely different person. You should look into that."

Moving on...

"Nobody ever downplayed your work ethic, Hypocrite. Working three jobs and going to college completely on your own, that's something to be commended."

"I just don't know where you're going with that. You say you love the wrestling business because of what it does for you - it keeps you in the lifestyle to which you're accustomed."

"And... Paul Freeman begged you. Begged you and begged you and begged you and begged you to join his company, which would assume that he wanted you on your own merits. So of course, you were his Champion, right?"


"And you could sell out arenas on your own, right?"


"But you still teamed with Joey Melton, paid for his life and carried him for two years, solely because you had a lot to learn, right?"


"Well, which is it? If you were begged to join a company by the owner himself, it would assume that you had nothing left to learn. Did you take stupid pills between ownerships?"

I apologize for the bad joke, but that's all.

"As an aside, Hypocrite... I understand that wrestling at the Playboy Mansion and giving Hugh Hefner a show was the highlight of your career. You seem to bring that up every time you open your mouth, so you're obviously very proud of that."

"Two things."

"First off, I don't care. I never cared. I've been onstage and just offstage in front of seventy thousand insane metalheads; an old man's house and bleach blonde, surgically enhanced women don't occupy much time through my day. Though I can kind of see why you're divorced."

"Secondly, I hope you got that taken care of."

"What is it, Hypocrite? Is it about being around famous people? Because as someone who is friends with mainstream celebrities, I should let you know that famous people who let you gush over them the way you do over Hugh Hefner... they don't like you. You're an ego boost."

"And if it's about the prestige of wrestling at the playboy mansion... then your priorities are all screwed up. I'd think wrestling at Wrestleverse in front of real wrestling fans would mean more to you. Beating The First a few years ago, winning the TV Title last year... Heck, I'd think that even though you didn't win, taking part at Wrestlestock II in the New Frontier in front of over a hundred thousand crazy wrestling fans would mean more than a social event where at least half the people there were there just to be seen."


"Kinda like you, right?"

You said it, not me.

"But let's focus on the Empire, Hypocrite, and your run of success that you were begged to show up and continue and were put in a tag team instead of the main event matches--"

Oh, I'm sorry, it was just another blinding flash of the obvious.

"You drove out Suicide, and Troy Douglas, and Donovan Astros and Jack Harmen and his friends, that means you get things done? You also beat Stalker and The First, as you remind us, over and over and over again... and they're both still here. They're also the number one contender and the World Champion. Does that mean that you didn't get things done there? Or for the wrestlers who didn't leave after you beat them, the fact that you beat them is enough?"

"There's a reason why I call you King Hypocrite, you know."

"And you get things done around here, which is more than you can say for me, which is why we won Championship belts at the same event and only one of us managed to have a single successful defense."

"But Willard was a failure because it took him two tries."

And that's another reason.

"I think the main thing that gets me about you, Hypocrite, is that you keep referring to everything that's happened before now as a sure sign that you deserve the World Title and everything that comes with it, even going so far as to make up how influential a group was, or how Sean Stevens' title reign drove the company into the ground when the books, the buyrates, and the general opinion of the company to the industry as a whole show that the exact opposite was true."

"But beyond all of your fudging the truth to make yourself feel better, beyond all of the victories over the major players that you've gathered without once being able to capitalize when it could put the ball right in your hands... there's a fact that you keep avoiding."

And it has nothing to do with the Empire, but roll with me.

"Because while we've never faced off here in the Empire... we've been on opposite sides of the ring a few times over the years."

"And you've never won."

"I believe I pinned you for the first official victory of my professional wrestling career, and your hand has never gone up."

"Now, if I was you, Hypocrite, I'd tell you that that's a sign that I own you and this is going to be an effortless victory."

"But I'm not you, I'm just a boy scout or something. Envious, because I was drinking."

You do realize I recorded most of the videos and promos that I've released for any of the companies I've ever worked for have taken place in a bar, right? With a drink in front of me, right?

Pay attention.

"What does it all mean, Hypocrite?"

"It means that while you and Wells are patting each other on the back over how awesome you are, you'd do well to remember that your opponents are the number one contender and the Empire's Intercontinental Champion, also undefeated in the Empire."

"And that means you're - once again - in for the match of your life."

"Good luck, Danglers."

"You're... really gonna need it."



I spoil things.
Jan 1, 2000
Merced, California USA
Sweet Nothings

(Sudden static fills the screen halted by a black screen with white lettering that reads 'The following announcement is brought to you by the Dangle Brothers.' The screen goes static for a second before going to black and white backdrop, focusing on Cameron Cruise, who is dressed in slacks and a light sport coat and a darker undershirt, and Jared Wells, dressed in dark jeans, flip-flops, and and a lighter Ravens muscle-shirt)

CRUISE (Mocking Stalker): Aww....he didn't wanna go down this road, Jared!!

WELLS: Did Stalker pull out the old dictionary? Hell, I'm impressed. Wonder if he googled our bar 'The Dangle Brothers'? Wait, isn't it called Dangles Bar & Grill?

CRUISE: Didn't take too long though, now did it?? That's because his type never does, Reeves, however...let's get through this, shall we?? I'm sure as maniacal a guy he is, he's gonna wanna throw another tantrum before watching his taped-copy of "Glee" while causing the disturbance he always has by playing with his hidden box of kittens in that shoddy motel he's in.

And he's got cherry-pit-sized cajones...


CRUISE (Pausing, shrugging his shoulders): I heard word from Ryans' people that he was thinking of doing a Mexican tour, so I thought I'd brush up alittle...

WELLS: Boning up on your spanish, I get it.

CRUISE: That's what people say, he under-compensates for the lack of knowledge he has in his head so he MUST be a little empty in the pants region...

WELLS (Chuckling): Hey, we're losers huh?

CRUISE: The point is that for someone that lives in a motel that Charles Manson...if he was even PRIVY to the opportunity to be released...would never take a dump in...you're a little over your head in telling us just what and where we can run a bar, Jason, hell...you're lucky Ryan has a clause in all our contracts that insists that you inform him of any sickness you contract outside the arenas, and believe me...seeing where you hang out, it's a wonder you don't have hepatitis.

WELLS: Do you possess rank, rancid, greasy and unwholesome hairs covering many areas of the your body? One inflicted with this condition may take on the appearance of a dog bathing in dog****. How you doin' Stalker? YOU'RE HARDCORE! YOU'RE HARDCORE! YOU'RE HARDCORE!

CRUISE: But Jason wants to know who would wanna eat at the Dangles Bar & Grill. Well, much like you in a generality Jason, it's simple.

WELLS: EVERYONE. Well, we don't want people coming in looking like they just came from freeway underpass smelling like a bums nut sack.

CRUISE: I said it before, Jason...you're retarded.

It's not Impulses' business to do anything but defend that title he has, but he can't stand but to find some kinda way to earn a Merit badge for doing what HE thinks is known as "The Right Thing". It's okay though, I mean he's done it elsewhere too, you're just to ignorant to notice it...it's a problem that guys like you tend to fall back on.

As far as confusing myself with Impulse??

Believe me...unlike you, I'm not one to blur the scenery with dried up vaginas and saggy tits, like you've been enamoring yourself with for the last EVER.

Impulse, however...now that's more of a perception-turned-reality.

WELLS: Why don't you speak the truth on how you really felt about Anthology at the time Stalker? The only time it mattered was when Triple X became apart of it? Weak. JESUS H. CHRIST if I were to tell you my thoughts about that deal, I would get fired today. But DADDY doesn't want to do that. The fact that a group of guys who grew up in the business together and formed an ELITE group CHANGED the EPW as we know it. We came in, we shook the hell out of the wrestling world and made history. If you don't agree with that, you my friend are a dumb ass. What really pisses you off Stalker is when we came in, you were brushed to the side. Ignored. Nobody cared about you. In fact, I'm going to straight up be honest with you. This was when Anthology was in the early stages of being laid out. My penthouse in Baltimore I had over Cruise, Shawn Hart, and Kin Hiroshi. AH! Believe it or not Kin Hiroshi was suppose to be apart of the original plan. But who gives a F(BLEEP)K right? I remember we were all drinking, some gimmicks, ladies, music. This is what people do when they have friends Stalker. We needed a fifth member. The name 'Stalker' came up. You want to talk about a joke. Hart wrote down your name on a piece of paper and slid it to me. The guys laughed, I took that piece of paper and wiped my ass with it. We drank shots all night long like SLAMMERS then slept like babies. You didn't mean S(BLEEP)T then, and you certainly don't mean S(BLEEP)T now. I left for two years no problem and jumped the rail right into the front. Because I can.

CRUISE: But don't pretend to act like you know who we are, Jason, you're the type of guy who would line up to a concert of Andrew Dubya-Kay to get in, get to the front only to be turned away because you're "Not on the list".

Again, it's okay it's not exactly a fluke incident, in fact, it just so happens that we know it's a weekly occurrence on your part.

After all...you ARE monikered as a STALKER, no??

Either that, or the rest of the time you drop a level lower than what your even WORTH...and you try to stink palm the bouncers with a little green material and they just pocket the money and STILL keep you out of the club and back to the end of the line.

Now, normally the Dangle Brothers don't exactly condone such an act of superiority, but then you're representing all that's nerd-like...and that's only second to Impulse.

Not exactly saying alot, I know, but you two just can't help it...you're sippers.

WELLS: MANIACS! Greasy long hair, hardcore pro wrestler gets you far.

CRUISE: The fact is, Jason...and I'll say it over and over until you get it in your head...TWO OF YOU...challenged US.

How else would you imagine yourselves catching an impact on a show in which you really have no business being on?? I mean, I can honestly see how Knox would fit, he's the Intercontinental Champion...to a degree it's his own moral obligation TO appear.

But you?? You poke your bacteria-ridden-nose in to everyone elses' business so you can act like you make a difference around here.

You got a title shot at the World Heavyweight Champion.

Good for you, have a bacteria-ridden cookie...you don't deserve either, but nevertheless...savor it. Maybe you could use it to trade for that fishing rod that your Grandfather Moon Pie always promised you when you were just a wee little Stalker?? I mean, after all...

You don't CARE about titles...right?? Sure you don't.

WELLS: Stalker is going for the world title? I didn't notice. Much like Impulse had no idea that I left in 2009 and said nobody noticed.

CRUISE: The fact is you should feel honored that I speak so often and so lowly of you, Stalker. I mean, once The First stops being a ***** and steps up to the one challenge I ACTUALLY make to him...I'm gonna take that title from him and then bitch-slap you on basic principle.

WELLS: You bet your ass.

CRUISE: You can think what you want about whether or not I want or need this business, Reeves. Rarely a large amount of people are paying attention to you huff-and-puff anyway...lord knows WE aren't...at least not unless the three of you are making a point to challenge us FIRST.

Ya damn right you need this more than we do, Jason, the fact is that the Dangle Brothers brought this company to heights that NO ONE has ever seen...not even you.

Why do I say this??

WELLS: We are LEGENDS. Legends will be remembered for centuries to come for all great heroic things they did in the EPW. Stalker has been around forever and really hasn't amounted to S(BLEEP)T. You might have done a few things but I don't really recall. Impulse. Same. Another complaining F(BLEEP)K who doesn't fit in with certain nerds, but usually finds a way to find others just like him and collect others. STALKER & IMPULSE ARE PERFECT!

CRUISE: Well, to be completely honest Jason, when I was talking about a double-digit Championship reign on the resume of a man I teamed with, I wasn't talking about Jared, I was talking about Joey Melton, but you're too obtuse to see that. However the fact remains is that Joey isn't in the Empire right now, and I'm not interested in carrying his geriatric carcass through another set of airport gates because he can't understand that I don't have the patience to take an escalator-walkway...I have things to do, and business to take care of, appearances to make and the like.

Because you see Stalker...much like Dan Ryan knows, Jared and I are BUSINESS OWNERS. We have obligations to MEET and parties to GREET.

In the meantime, you're stuck with playing with an anatomically-correct set of barbie dolls, while you make due with intimidating a woman who apparently...

WELLS (interjecting): Used to have a set of balls??

CRUISE (turning to Wells for a second): Okay...number one, let me just say that...EW.

(Cruise turns back, but still answers Wells)

And secondly...I was gonna say "lost all self-confidence and esteem", but what else do you do when boredom has drained you of almost everything you've taken from a man who never held obviously never had a set himself to begin with either??

WELLS:...but still??

CRUISE (not skipping a beat): Oh, absolutely. That's half the reason why Rocko Daymon left, as well as eight years ago when first started off this career in Empire.

No balls.

WELLS: No balls??

CRUISE (looking over at Wells): No balls.

CC/JW(turning back and facing the camera, at the same time.): No balls.

CRUISE: You think I just rehash the same **** over again, and take history lessons on what I've done but the fact is...you completely miss the point, again and again.

WELLS (interjecting): That those nerds are obvious sippers??

CRUISE: I was going to point out how Clarity is a mother****er, but come to think of it...it's pretty possible, sure. In the meantime, I'm sure you wonder why every time we face each other that it's YOU that lays face up and beaten, but it's truly a simple answer.

I do the WORK, Stalker.

Watching tapes, working out, sparring...just because we lead the lives that we do doesn't mean that we don't put the time in to make sure people like you can pull fast ones...at least when they aren't wailing on us when we aren't looking; we're bad mother****ers, Iason, but even WE can't see in the back of our heads.

Don't like my answers?? Don't ask dumb questions.

As far as I'm concerned...if what I'm doing works, then I'm not gonna change a thing...my ol' man taught me as a kid to not mess with something and try to fix it, if it ain't broken.

The same rule applies to you though, because you're too STUPID to realize when you need to figure out what the problem is.

I mean...you ACTUALLY looked up the meaning of NERD!!!

WELLS: Just happy he picked up a book. Happy he can read.

CRUISE: Nevertheless...Flyer couldn't get fired without losing, Jason, if you'd open your ears long enough to get the cotton out, you'd know that one just like the REST of us.

Your moniker is a staple of a term for a moron who can't seem to leave well enough alone when he's told enough is enough; your "kind"...is the type of people that end up either put in jail...or served.

And you have issue with the fact that we're successful DESPITE what we call ourselves and our business??

(Wells steps in front for a second before Cruise can finish)

WELLS: Mother(BLEEP)ucker, what do you think Anthology was??


WE...don't hang out with people. People hang out with US. How is that not getting through your skull by now??

CRUISE: Who knows though, Jared...I mean, the dumbass actually thinks that it was AFTER Sean Stevens joined that ratings actually soared, but when in reality...

They dropped like a big-ass ROCK.

You seem to think that by people not NAME-DROPPING...that you can succeed on your own merit...if you even have one.

WELLS: Maybe I should sign up for the charity program? I need money?

CRUISE (not skipping a beat): But guess what, fatsuck??

Communication is IRREVERSIBLE!!!

No matter what happens, someone is always saying SOMETHING to SOMEONE about what they DID or is GONNA DO. You cannot...NOT communicate.

(The camera cuts over to Wells whose currently mooning the camera)

CRUISE: See there?? I don't even have to look and I can tell that Wells is telling you something. Even now....this whole entire week time I've basically called you names PUBLICLY AND BLATENLY to your face.

Hell, someone has to carry your worthless carcass back down to the mud where you belong. Or you know...you can just stay in that disease-infested ****hole you call a motel room, same thing.

WELLS: Anarky...........Sorry Impulse. You done? I don't blame your skinny short little 'I wear all black' ass. I don't. I see what your doing, and I don't blame you. I don't blame Stalker.

CRUISE: What does everything all mean this week??

It means that you're in over your head, you ignorant punk. You always HAVE been, but the fact is that you lead the boyscout by the nose just to take shot at the Intercontinental Championship.

So you can stop being the scum of the company, tsk, tsk, tsk...

What's wrong Jason??

The World Heavyweight Championship not good enough for you anymore?? Make up your mind, you hack, which one is it gonna be??

WELLS: In the meantime, yeah...F(BLEEP)K your life, **** it with a big stick and our Dangle Brother balls. We have you're attention now nerds?

(The backdrop suddenly goes to static again, followed by 'The Following Announcement has been brought to you by The Dangle Brothers', followed by more static


I spoil things.
Jan 1, 2000
Merced, California USA
Measures of a Man

(Static cuts into view as it's suddenly cleared up and followed with "The Following message is brought to you by the Dangle Brothers', and cuts to Cameron Cruise, dressed in black slacks, a white undershirt beneath a black sports coat, wearing black Anarchy-style sunglasses, stands outside of the Aragon Ballroom, in Chicago, Illinois, shaking his head.)

CRUISE: Boyscout, Boyscout, Boyscout....you wanna talk about honesty...I never see you do ANYTHING for a conversation outside of talk to Rose and your little inner circle of buddies that pretend to care about you...how do you even know that other people give a damn??

After all...you're in the back of a theater right?? You need to realize something, Knox....in the words of James Earl Jones, (finger quotes), "From a galaxy far, far, away..."



Quit fighting your instinct...if you're truly a man of the people like the Dangle Brothers are....then you'd sit your good-for-nothing carcass down in the MIDDLE of that audience and be ONE with them.

That's what the Dangle Brothers do...only the fact is that THEY are the ones being one with US!!

Boyscouts are pleasers, Knox, and by not doing justice to the people, for the people, and by the people...that makes YOU a liar, Impulse, that makes YOU the "Hypocrite".

That's like what happened here some time ago, when Motorhead and Megadeth played a sold-out crowd here, at the Aragon Ballroom. Now, people get excited by showing up to events to which people are to entertain them with their talents; it's what Jared and I do pretty much every night when we aren't competing in the squared circle, so it's nothing at all new to us.

But on a night where a chance meeting between two fans of the bands meet, eyes meet...lips meet...PELVISES AND GENITALS MEET IN THE AUDION OF SECOND HOME OF A HEROIN JUNKIE...

(Cruise slows down a second.)

And days and weeks later...the young lady finds out that she has the possible-yet-unwelcome privilege of bringing a child into this world. The only problem wrong with this is that when you rewind weeks ago, this couple were so passionate, so forthcoming in the aggressive nature of their surroundings....they didn't even so much as exchange phone numbers.

So what did she do?? Did she file a report with the police on the possibility that she was raped?? Not a chance, no instead...she filed a want ad for the father on website known worldwide as "Craigslist".

This is what America has come to, folks.

Now, regardless of whether or not it WAS rape, if it was the former, then tell me Impulse...as a Boyscout...would you be one to stay back with the band and not be one WITH the people??

Would you've have even tried to stop this, even if it was a form of a violation of the law??

Would you've even bothered to show up at ALL??

The answers to those questions are one and the same.

No, NO, and NO.

Because despite what you think can happen with standing up for Caitlyn, you're not a chivalrous man, 'Pulse.

You care only about what matters to you and ONLY you.

See, what you fail to realize that if you're as much a student of the game as I am, then you're ALWAYS up for improving yourself. It doesn't matter if you sell out the MGM Grand or a brick parking lot that's more suitable for Jason to contract hepatitis, the fact is that when you're presented a chance to upstage everyone by taking in a man who's won a World Championship by double digits by the time YOU reached puberty...

You take advantage of it, which is exactly what I did.

And I'll be damned if I didn't reap the benefits, and by benefits I don't just mean the financial burden that IS, Joey Melton....

I mean work ethic.

The media, the merchandise, the network profits, you name it, I took it.

Because I'm not looking just to be a regular guy around here, 'Pulse, that's not what being a Dangle Brother is all about.

Going above and beyond the call of duty is merely one-tenth of what it's about, and to know the rest is to know that you've defined what it is to be a Dangle Brother.

At the end of all that, Joey left town, and I still got things done, and in convincing fashion at that.

You don't care about my being called out to the Playboy Mansion because the fact is that you'd never have the opportunity to do so yourself.

Why?? Because you DO NOT CARE.

You spend time in the backs of theaters and in front of metalheads and surgically-enhanced women don't turn you on...there's a very real simple reason why, that I'll get to in a second. You think you can see why I divorced my ex-wife, you've never met my ex-wife, let alone seen anything outside of a picture of her on an eight-by-ten that the BITCH sells on Craigslist for thirty-two bucks-a-pop; the fact is that we got a divorce because she couldn't keep her legs closed.

(Cruise shrugs)

You're not the one to enjoy the accompaniment of gorgeous women, despite the limelight that is the haze of a good bar or pub, at least...not without a purpose.

Now...I've not exactly a Harvard student by any means...but that says Cocksucker to me.

Being friends with women, not getting a charge out of women that attract your attention, the next thing you're gonna tell me is that you go to Art museums and shopping malls to buy clothes at the Gap, instead of Victoria Secret for your "female friends".

Now if that's you're preference that's fine, it doesn't bother me one bit outside the fact that this entire time you're projecting yourself as a hypocrite of your own AND a facade; and the fact that you're making it easier for Reeves to take that title from you by doing so...well that's just plain WRONG.

You can't even see down the length of your own nose, Knox, and I know you're smart enough to figure out what that means, but as far as being friends with celebrities, let's be honest and call it what it is...you ARE friends with them...they just aren't friends with YOU.

The fact is that it doesn't really matter much how rich you are or how successful, if you've been able to impress people like Hugh Hefner, then that's a notch on the belt to be proud of....no pun intended, Knox.

You nasty SIPPER, what you don't realize is that they DO like me because I give a damn about THEM giving a damn.

Much like Anthology was a Million dollar commodity....so is the Dangle Brothers; the only difference is that there's no possible way for Stevens or anyone else to step in and ruin things, like he did with Anthology....Dan Ryan's banking account is just fine, thanks to guys like us.


Because guys like us are willing to cater to the masses that want to be around men like Jared and myself. It's not because we're in need of people to hang out with or anything....we get along just fine drinkin' in a bar among people that might even POSSIBLY...not know us. But the fact is that being around the Dangle Brothers at ALL...means that you're gonna have the time of your life.

You think I'm an ego boost because of what I've done in and outside the ring, especially as of late.

My answer to that is simple.

So what?? You jealous, Impulse?? Does it turn you green that someone you've never lost to ELSEWHERE...is a SONUVA*****, here in Empire Pro?? Does it eat at your soul that over here...the tables have turned, that it's YOU that's a nobody??

I mean...nevermind the fact that my not having my hand raised in another company other than this means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to what's about to happen inside this building, the fact is that I've come to realize the fact that my career is GREAT compared to others that I've known around here.

I've never quit a company, let alone walked away.

I'm not out to destroy Empire Pro, neither is Jared...the fact is that we're here to show mother****ers how to EMBRACE IT.

You sit back and you swear that everything that I've said, regardless of whether Jared is around or next to me...you swear that it's an ego boost.

You poke, prod on the fact that having such a time as only the Dangle Brothers can have is wrong....but YOU'RE the one that's screwed up, 'Pulse.

Myself...the DANGLE BROTHERS...we CELEBRATE the ego boost.

And there's no real reason why we SHOULDN'T.

Men like us...as TALENTED as us, shouldn't tip-toe around areas because they might get a finger wagged in there face, that they might get admonished.

As far as the Dangle Brothers??

****, we'll break that finger off and shove it down their throat!!

As far as I'm concerned right now, FUCK WRESTLESTOCK TWO!!!

Right now, at this moment I'm employed by none other than Empire Pro Wrestling, and to that end...I will take things to the LIMIT to prove why things are as they are, that people CAN believe the hype!!!

You might now be wondering...just what IS the hype, Cruise??

We're taking back what belongs to us, that's what. We turned the world on it's ass and in turn made ourselves the talk of the entire World...and when Anthology died...so did that ratings, and thoughtfulness of what made everyone care. Now, we're here to take it back and this time...we're taking things with us, most notably the Intercontinental Championship for someone that GIVES A DAMN.

This week, Jared posed the question..."Who wants to lick Daddy's lime?"

Well apparently by virtue of the challenge made to us....YOU DO.

Again...this isn't quite surprising, but I'm pretty sure he's not exactly flattered by the concept of the follow-through....the fact is that YOU are the one's that sought us out, not vice versa.

As far as myself??

People already can see that by now, just by what happened afew weeks ago.

I want the World Heavyweight Championship.

Eight years running in a company, I've had you-name-it happen to me, while on a roller-coaster ride, but the fact is this: we're taking the controls now. If you can't see the fact that beating Stalker while he was a "monster" or that First was nothing more than all talk and green **** from his mouth that never beat me when the title was on the line, then you need to go back to the drawing board, son. I'm not envious of you because you were drinking, **** boy...Jared and I OWN OUR OWN BAR.

I didn't just win Championships, Impulse....I made IMPACTS.

And if The First would wipe the make-up and mascara, he can stop being a coward and accept the challenge made to him by the one man he's never beaten with a title on the line, at Black Dawn.

Eight years ago I made a vow I'd make an impact and that I would capture the Empire Pro World Heavyweight Championship.

Unless The First is a coward and a *****....the Dangle Brothers are going to make good on that promise, soon, now whether or not you BELIEVE THAT...well then that's just a REALITY CHECK that you just...won't like...

(The camera cuts in for a close up as Cruise smirks)


(Static inserts again as the screen reads "The previous message has been brought to you by The Dangle Brothers' as the scene fades out.)

User Poets

The Shadow Pope
Jan 6, 1995
Top of the Pile

"This has pretty much devolved into King Hypocrite telling us he's been a major player without actually telling why he's been a major player."

"So I think that means it's pretty much over."

"You can say something, over and over, Hypocrite, and if it's wrong it's still wrong."

"You beat The First."

"You beat Stalker."

"Then how come the two of them are drawing money while you're doing your best to jump up and down saying 'Hey EPW! Notice us!' And you can't tell us that it's politics, because I think it's pretty clear Dan Ryan hates Jason Reeves."

"You're right, I challenged Jared Wells, because he challenged me. By telling the world he was going to take the Intercontinental Championship like it was a passing fancy, and all he needed to do was get the match and it was his, he was challenging me."

"And he didn't do it."

"But you knew that. In one breath, the Danglers said that you're patient, and that one match doesn't mean anything, and in the next you harped, on and on, about all of the one matches you've taken over the people who matter now in the Empire, before they mattered."


"You've always been a disappointment, Hypocrite, ever since I first saw you. Not in the sense of anything truly terrible, but because you were always a competent wrestler who should've applied himself."

"Instead, I've watched you in company after company, match after match, name after name, acting like the professional wrestling industry owed you something, and then watched you sink into a crushing depression, willing to take anyone as your ally when you failed to achieve your next goal."

"I understand it now, having met Jared Wells, the Ultimate Undeserving."

"This match is going to come and go, Hypocrite, and you're going to be soundly defeated, with Stalker turning on me immediately following. But I want you to take one thing away from this whole experience."

"You are never, ever going to achieve anything as the Ultimate Underserving's lackey."


I spoil things.
Jan 1, 2000
Merced, California USA
Toddlers and SLAMMERS

"Waaah. The Boyscout thinks I'm a hypocrite. Boo-friggin'-hoo."

(CUTTO: An EPW Aggression backdrop, Cruise dressed in black slacks and a blue undershirt with a black sports coat, and matching Anarchy-style shades.)

CRUISE: I tell you and Mister Feisty-As-A-Box-Full-Of-Kittens I'm a major player in this company, and you think I owe you an explanation WHY, and that because of it...it's OVER??

Since when can YOU see into the future, son?? Since when are you able to tell whether or not you're going to come out on the victory-end of things...BEFORE it comes to pass??

**** YOU, Impulse!! How's that for an explanation??

You need to remember something, Impulse, and it's a very simple phrase that's been uttered for YEARS in this industry, as well as a couple others: Any Given Sunday.

Now, far beit to think that every event that occurs is to come to pass on that day of the week, the jest of the phrase is fairly easy to comprehend.

Anything can happen.

Just like you've somehow managed to wing yourself time after time to an undefeated record, it's no guarantee that it's going to stay that way, in fact, it's more likely the case that you'll LOSE before you're done in EPW than you go undefeated....unless of course, you're like The First or Rezin or Rocko, and just up and leave after throwing a temper tantrum about it. You act like I owe you something, just because I've had a better career than you HERE instead of anywhere else I choose to compete, that I've suddenly gotta explain to you why like our roles are suddenly reversed.

But let's continue to have "Story Time", and appease you, because you think your minimum experience in this company rates better than mine, in the short time you've been here.

Just like Stalker, Impulse, the fact is...I don't owe you ****, but the figures tell the story regardless. But let's continue to have (finger quotes) "Story Time", and appease you, because you think your minimum experience in this company rates better than mine, in the short time you've been here.

Especially when what's gone on HERE...is the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS HERE...not anything that goes on someplace else....but before I digress...Stalker has never had his hand raised in a match against me, one-on-one. Rezin throws fits because he continues to believe that he's been here on a continued basis since "Day One"...but yet he's walked out at least a couple times, because no one wanted to change his diaper. The First won't give me a rematch because deep down, he knows in a FAIR fight...he can't get the job done when the title is on the line.

And believe me, I'm going to remedy that problem very soon.

You KNOW I'm a major player, and the fact is, despite everything else that happens EVERYWHERE ELSE....it eats you up.

It eats you up that despite what happened afew weeks ago...we're STILL being talked about as if things never stopped with Anthology.

The fact is...Stalkers' ability to draw is no more intimidating that that is of a three year old learning to walk for the first time; why else would you think that that dingleberry-dinglehopper stood next to the First, TRYING to give the impression that he's good enough to be in Firsts' good graces?? First never really had good graces to begin with, but nevertheless...how about you open your eyes abit and think about it another possible way other than YOURS for a moment??

Jason Reeves beats up on women and then is proud of the fact that he threw a ***** out of a three-story-foot window.

Yabba-dabba-doo....he can go suck on pretzels while being one himself with the self-promoting BULL****.

You challenged Jared first....so what?? Who's to say he wasn't planning on doing it and you got all antsy-in-your-pantsy and beat him to it??

Ever heard of having patience??

Same thing goes for The First and he knows it.

I've been waiting EIGHT YEARS to get a shot at the ONE THING THAT MATTERS TO ME....without having to contend with other jerk-offs for it to be a one-on-one affair...you really think that waiting a couple more weeks was gonna make a difference??

Hell, for all you know...maybe it was my plan all ALONG to get his attention, and then challenge him for the rematch at Black Dawn...ever think of that??

After all...that's where things run full circle for me, Impulse....BLACK DAWN.

But of course not...you don't see that, because you can't see past the bridge of your own nose because you judge people before you can even get to KNOW anything ABOUT them. You think just because you got a hand raised a couple times in an arena not occupied by a roster full of men that Dan Ryan employs....that you KNOW me??

You don't know ****...but go ahead and call me a hypocrite, Impulse, it's not like it's the first time that's ever happened, but for the sheer amusement of it...sticks and stones, Boyscout, sticks and stones.

I never ONCE...needed the knowledgeable assistance of a weapon inside that ring...to get where I am today, proving close-minded princesses like yourself wrong.

The fact is, this isn't going to be a contest where one side completely DOMINATES the other, that's no where close to even qualifying as a possibility....because I know that there's at least three men in this match that can wrestle out of a paper bag without the need of a weapon; this is gonna be a fight...and one that's more likely to overtake the Main Event as the match everyone wants to see...and that's KNOWING that the World Championship is on the line in that match as well.

We're gonna come out and show you why we are who we are, but once that final bell rings...as far as the Dangle Brothers are concerned...you're on your own against Reeves, and it's at that point where we no longer give a damn to do anything but what matters to us....and that's the things that we do OUTSIDE of the ring.

But hey...at least there's satisfaction in knowing that you accept THAT as a possibility....so you're not a COMPLETE idiot...you're just numb to the possibility.

You accepted an opportunity to team with a man that you already know...is going to turn on you at some point, and cause more pain than that of a Compact-Disc Release Party for that clown-with-tits, Nicki Minaj...and that's entirely YOUR FAULT.

But the fact is, we're out to prove why the Dangle Brothers are heading to the top, not steps upon steps, but by leaps and bounds. You're not worried about Jared Wells, but yet couldn't wait to offer him a shot at the very same title I was screwed out of...even when he'd not even set foot in a wrestling ring in at least two years. Then you did the same thing with that stunt with Reeves, and challenged us a second time.

Yet you find it a matter of importance to tell us how we DON'T matter??

Try again, Duffy...because you can DO IT, DUFFY MOON!!!

This match not only matters...but it matters because those people in those seats know how much WE matter to this company, and to Dan Ryan. It doesn't take a crystal ball or Schrodingers's theory to figure that one out....but believe me when I tell you...

We've zero issue with hammering it into your "Sipper-like" Subconscious".

Over and over again.



I stalk, because I care
May 2, 2007
Sometimes ignoring is the proper path.

"EPW is no place for the weak, or those who don't know their place and still cling to the places they once held."

(Keep it simple. Jason Reeves, motel room, whiskey in hand. See simplicity does wonders.)

Stalker: You know it would probably be classy of me to at least listen to your previous three promos, Cameron. But when have I ever been the classy type? I mean, it's obvious you don't listen to me.

Even if you swear up and down that you have listened to me, you refuse to believe in anything other then yourself. That is the difference between you and I. I atleast understand parts of you, parts of your strengths and parts of your weaknesses. But you on the other hand, perceive yourself as an Unfathomable God.

Anything we can, say, or do against you has no bearing or impact. I feel like that is utter bull****. As bad as you have been previously and as unbearable as you are now, it's two completely different perspectives.

Jared Wells is that reason, for those varied perspectives. He attaches himself to you and somehow, some way, it makes you even more irriatating then your previous iterations of self.

You continue to jump up and down, up and down about how WE were the ones that challenged you. Did you completely forget, your first speech on the mic, when you fairies shared your reunion with the world?

How many times did you bring my name up? And what the f*ck did I do to you, anyways? Nothing by my count, except dominate EPW. Jealousy must've forced those words out of your mouth, to see me with my guaranteed title shot, it must've driven you crazy? 'HOW DARE HE GET A TITLE SHOT BEFORE ME!!!! I HAVE BEATEN HIM TWO TIMES ONE ON ONE!'

Congratulations Cameron! As if another reminder is really necassary. I mean what the F*CK! Seriously man.... is it the fact that your wins mean nothing to me, that drives you up the wall? If I said 'Oh Cameron, you and your two wins against me, proves you are so much the better man.'

Would that make you happy? Would that make you calm down?

Listening to you recently is like listening to loud frequencies. They hurt my ears and provide no useful information. Hence why I have ignored everything you have said in the past 72 hours or so.

I'm not doing it to annoy you, Cruise. I'm doing it to ignore the same jargled non sense you've been spewing forever and a day now. You've wrestled in countless promotions, which doesn't matter. You've won multiple titles, which doesn't matter. You've beaten countless opponents, which doesn't matter. All of this coming from your lips by the way.

None of that matters because EPW only matters. Which means, from your lips, your wins over me are AMAZING, your hours spent in Anthology are AMAZING, your multiple EPW title reigns are AMAZING. Everything Cameron Cruise does... is AMAZING. Which in turn means everything that you drag Jared Wells to will be AMAZING.

However, back in reality. Or as you like to call it, 'Stalker's World', your **** means nothing. Anthology never meant a thing until the world champion joined. THERE... I said it again. Does that satisfy you to hear it again? Or am I going to be gutblasted with 20 minutes of dialogue talking about how MUCH they really did matter?

You *****es clinged to each other like gold diggers, Jared Wells being the prime example and of course you following in with a close second.

I have been here through Anthology, through HOPE, through Anarky's title reign and I am still here. Making decisions, changing lives and putting belts around waists.

Anarky is still hung up over his loss to The First.

The First was so hung up after his loss, that he went into exile, only to remerge as Dis. He went into exile because he couldn't handle disappointing someone important in his life.


Little did I know he would come back as strong willed as he is now, and an EVEN BETTER champ then he could've ever been the first go around.

You honestly think you will be able to rip that title from his grasp? You are a crack head, if you truly believe it. Why would I even bother to cash my shot in, when my protege has the throne?

Do you not see how much pride I have for him? OF COURSE I was angry at first, as all masters would be. But... upon self reflection I saw his worth. A worth far greater then you will ever attain, Cameron.

Although as I wrap this up Cameron, I gotta say, your worth is far greater apart from what you call your Bro.

The Dangles Brothers are scum buckets that won't amount to anything in the NEW EPW we have here. I hope you realize that soon Cameron, before it's too late and you are giving yourself a reality check in....

Stalker's World.



I spoil things.
Jan 1, 2000
Merced, California USA
Hide 'n' Seek

"Well, well, well...looks like The Firsts' version of Jimmy Olsen seems to think alittle more highly of me than most OTHER people."

(CUTTO: Wrigley Field, but more specifically the batter's box by the home dugout. Holding a bat over his right shoulder, he wears black slacks and a blue sports coat, with a white undershirt, and matching Anarchy shades.)

CRUISE: Especially since, it's been anyone's guess as far as when anyone EVER knows you to be classy, Reeves.

However...you're right.

I DON'T listen to you. The two of you seem to have it in mind that I just run at the mouth about things that don't matter matter because I like to hear myself speak, the fact is that everything I've said from the start is EXACTLY what's happened, and EXACTLY what's been said by pretty much everybody.

You?? The entire brevity of your being here is based on three things: Chaos, Mayhem and Endangerment. Now, for someone like that whose all of a sudden need to stand side-by-side with grown men with mascara against those with non-conventional sense of behavior like Anarky and Rezin...that's nothing AT ALL characteristic for a guy trying to make good in the Empire...is it??




That's ever your main-objective, and even the most inept competitor can see that.

Now, I never called myself a connoisseur on anything, much less someone that promises a PROPHECY....but eight years in the same company kinda gives you a good sense of judgement about what people will do.

What else is there for me to be shocked by, Jason??

You're meandering around beating up on Caitlyn Daymon like someone gives a damn, now that Rocko's been stripped of his dignity, pride, and probably the last twelve bucks she left him in his account on a proper continental breakfast in the nearest Holiday Inn. You managed to sweet talk Dan Ryan into granting you a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship...a title that you SWORE held no interest to you, as well as the other titles, but then...you teamed up with Steven Shane to win the King of the Cage tournament, and you won the Tag Team Titles.

But just like the Boyscout accuses me of not getting the job done against you or the First like I did against Astros, Dodd and Douglas...you're not exactly holding your end of the bargain either...are you, Jason?? Dan Ryan is back behind the desk....and you cower behind false pretenses, while Jared and I are about as up front as you can get.

But believe me...you thinking that I believe in anyone else other than what the Dangle Brothers represent and our skills in the squared circle compared to YOURS??

(Cruise smiles)

Now THAT is funny.

I never said I wasn't infallible, Jason....OBVIOUSLY being a champion more than once should tell you that, but you tell me; You're the one daring to take on a team that's done FAR WORSE than what you've been able to do by driving people out of this company, and beating on a woman.

You wanna know what you ACTUALLY did to me??

The fact is that you haven't actually done ANYTHING...until now.

You've never beaten ME...so you couldn't have DOMINATED the Empire. You've never done anything TO me...so what am I talking about?? You're standing in my way of getting my challenge accepted for a rematch with The First, for one. I'm not calling this destiny in that I should be the World Heavyweight Champion...I'm just out to take the next-and-last thing in line for me TO take...the EPW World Title.

Of COURSE it matters what I've done here, Reeves.

Simple protocol around here doesn't just ask, no it DEMANDS the best because that's the kind of man Dan Ryan is. There's a man right now with the one symbol that matters to me the most, a title that pinpoints ONE MAN as the one that's better than the rest.

Your "partner"...seems to call me a hypocrite, but yet he couldn't fit the bill any better...thanks to you.

You think the things I've done elsewhere doesn't matter...that's good you say that, because SO DO I. Unfortunately, Daymon must be on his brain because that just doesn't seem to phase Impulse.

To be the best, you have to BEAT the best, and be the best AT IT, and right now, my wrestling resume reads ALOT better than yours.

THAT is what's coming from my lips, Stalker.

I don't blame Anarky for getting bitter at losing the World Heavyweight Championship. I blame him for acting like a fool last week the way he did...but I don't blame him for getting bitter, no.

Not for losing a title to a ***** who can't win on his own merits without CHEATING.

Again, before you guess wrong AGAIN, I'm talking about The First, but we'll deal with him later when it comes to it.

You might be making decisions...stupid ones at that and hell...you very could change some lives.

But you've never put a title around the Dangle Brothers, you've not changed OUR lives.

I'm not out to prove my worth to anyone, Jason, because the fact is that what I've done speaks and proves for ITSELF.


All you do is TALK.

The Dangle Brothers?? Myself??

We get it DONE.


User Poets

The Shadow Pope
Jan 6, 1995
Top of the Pile
Re: Hide 'n' Seek

Quick and easy. Go.

"We're talking in circles now, Hypocrite."

"It goes back and forth and back and forth, and honestly, I kind of feel like we could've taperecorded the first ten or twenty things you've said and just played that, because you haven't said anything new."

"The Dangle Brothers run this place."

"Except you don't."

"Anthology dictated the course of the Empire."

"Except it didn't."

Sean Stevens dictated the course of the Empire, which apparently included kicking you out of Anthology.

"Longevity does not equal impact. Impact equals impact."

"Impact is not determined by the win, it's determined by what happens next."

"The First was criticized for defeating Sean Stevens for the World Title under questionable circumstances and losing it to Anarky without any successful defenses."

Maybe. I didn't double check.

"He's now being credited with Dis and coming back to win the belt very convincingly, followed up with a victory over Stevens."

"You, on the other hand, won the TV Title from Donaven Astros and lost it without winning a single match in between."

Adrian Willard then lost it to Rich Mahogany and has not been heard from since.

Do you see a pattern?

"You hammer home that you've beaten Stalker, but you've done nothing with that accomplishment, other than hold onto it until Stalker became number one contender."

"It seems to be a running pattern, Hypocrite, where you look for any opportunity to capitalize on someone else's hard work. I have a victory over The First in a tag team match, does that make me number one contender? Of course not."

"You say Anthology ran things? When? You say the Danglers run things? How? As I see it, you two challenged me by attacking me after I defeated Larry Tact."

Looked strange, right, Hypocrite? That's called successfully defending a title.

"Hey, if you guys actually pull off a legitimate victory, power to you. You'll actually have something on your resume to back up all the trash you've been talking."

"But if things run true to form... you'll choke, you'll lose, and you'll give us a hundred and one excuses as to why it wasn't your fault."

"Because one match doesn't mean anything, right, Hypocrite?"

"Right. Unless it benefits you. Then it means everything in the world."




Jan 1, 2000
Baltimore, Maryland

(Camera opens up to Dangle's Bar & Grill. Inside the bartender is closing up and Jared Wells is sitting at the end of the bar wearing a white 'SLAMMERS' tee shirt, jeans, flip flops. Arms crossed with a bottle of rum, and one shot already poured)

JARED WELLS: You know we could sit here all day and talk about yesterday, who I beat, who you beat, what you ate, why lemon lime Gatorade smells like urine. None of that matters right now. Aggression 66, that matters. We are simply going to blind side you two including Chicago. And no Stalker, I'm not taking about blindfolded sex with you guys. Calm down. The fact that you two sippers sit there and not trust each other already gives us the green light. Impulse thinks that Stalker will ultimately turn on him following the match. JESUS H CHRIST. Let me emphasize something to you Impulse. I PROMISE. I PROMISE he won't turn on you following the match because he won't even be walking by then. By time Black Dawn comes around he'll be a limp, broken, beaten, & scared B(BLEEP)H. But Impulse, I don't want you to think I'm doing you any favors. I sit here and listen to you and all I hear is constant nagging and complaining. Gotta pee? Depressed? Sad? Swamp ass? The Dangle Brothers will give you something to cry about. You sound like some insecure, afraid woman. You and Stalker sound like some damn married couple. Maybe I underestimated you guys as a team? I hate married people. A couple of guys standing around talking about routes to some sipper bar....

"You know sometimes I like to take the highway, but if it's backed up, I have some side streets to take to get me there half the time. Yea, you should take it out, I-95 is cleee........"


"I use this on my long hai........"


"At Black Dawn....."


(Downs the shot and crosses arms looking down again)

Have I had moments where I questioned this comeback? Moments where doubt haunted my mind? The easy answer is yes, but to be perfectly honest with you, the truly great answer is no. I have no doubts, and only fear things you should be afraid of. Like fires or bears. Maybe even a little angel dust. The tax man and all you can eat buffets scare the S(BLEEP)T out of me. MAYBE! Just maybe deep down inside my dark F(BLEEP)KED up soul, I missed this business. I love this business. Seventeen years oh dear nerds, I've been doing this. The fact you guys sit there and try to make me look irrelevant had me realize that people like you can't tell Jared Well S(BLEEP)T. Nobody can. The broads can't do it, hell God himself can't do it.

Cruise and I got the EPW wet again, and now it's time to bend her over.

Living in the past, there's no future in it. Daddy has already seen the future for Impulse & Stalker. It sucks ass and I'm not even a psychic. Aggression 66, The Dangle Brothers are doing the damn thing. Head on over to Stalker's World, they have the dollar menu. Throwing an after Aggression 66 party. Entire EPW roster invited, chicks only. F(BLEEP)K THE SIPPERS.



I stalk, because I care
May 2, 2007
Golf clap


"Finally a little bit of sense. Little did I know it would come from the mouth of Jared Wells."

(Jason Reeves, golf clapping, sitting at a table with a bottle of whiskey emptied in front of him. As he finishes up his small appalause he takes the last shot of liquor in front of him and downs it.)

Stalker: We are all a bunch of alcoholics, eh?

Anyways. Thank you Jared, for stating the obvious. You know I thought I was being pretty straight forward with Cruise. Trying to make him understand that none of his past bull**** matters, none of mine matters, Impulse's undefeated streak doesn't matter.

The Dangle Brothers don't matter.

Aggression 66 mattters. The best match on the card, matters.

It matters because the most hated man in EPW is in it. Me.

It matters because as much as the fans despise me, they still pay cash money to see me. They want to see what I, not you two, will be doing next. I am the Career Killer, The Black Plague.

I decide fates in EPw, I decide championships. People in my favor rise to greatness. If they are already involved in greatness, then their longevity is extended. I have more power in my right pinkie toe, then the two of you could ever imagine.

What makes it even better, is none of this is based upon my win/loss record, none of this is based off of how many championships i've won, or how many times I've beaten Cameron Cruise's ass.

ALL of this matters simply because, I MAKE IT MATTER.

Cameron Cruise you want to write yourself off as an unfathomable God, well I am your f*cking devil.

You guys had a great run, with Anthology, that is without a doubt. Even if they didn't matter until Trip made them matter, it was still a good run. I don't question that, what is questioned however, is what the f*ck do you two morons honestly think you are going to accomplish by targeting the likes of myself? Or even freaking Impulse.

To be honest, I wouldn't have been so pissed with you guys name dropping me. But, getting involved with Impulse was a mistake.

That's my B*TCH, hands off. Learn your place and who you can f*ck with.

Don't cross me, don't do it now of all times and think you can simply get away with it because you DANGLE.

I am the f*cking Boogeyman in your closet, I am the Monster under your bed, I am the Chainsaw murderer in your nightmares.

Stalker... is.... EPW.


Mess with my puppets and be ready to die.

This isn't Dan Ryan's EPW anymore. It hasn't been for a long time. He did his best to get rid of me and failed....

This is Stalker's EPW.

At Aggression 66, you both will learn that.



I spoil things.
Jan 1, 2000
Merced, California USA
The Devil goes down to Chicago.

(Double doors swing open and close as people pass in and out of it. The camera pans backward to reveal the inside of what appears to be a "Home Depot" store, down in Chicago. Walking in from the left side, side by side is the Dangle Brothers, Cameron Cruise dressed in blue jeans, a blue Chicago Bulls hoodie and sneakers, Jared Wells dressed in hard boots dirty jeans, a white tee shirt. They look around in mid-conversation as they walk in, and Wells holds up a second to look at a couple of things, walks over to the tool belt area and puts one on. Then fills it with tools, puts a hardhat on, along with a vest. .)
WELLS (Smiling): Daddy's gotta get a few things, I'll be right back.

(Wells walks off as Cruise continues onward)

CRUISE: Boyscout, the interesting thing about this entire period of arrangement...is that first of all...the two of you couldn't stand to look at the balls you keep in your pockets and had to make sure people still knew that you were there, by coming out to challenge US first.

Normally the protocol is to let the man signing the checks decide who you defend, is it not?? I mean, obviously you've got some sort of complex going on if you can't sit back and wait until Dan Ryan decides who to put in front of you for you to tie into a pretzel, you go out and find someone yourself to do it to, and then wait for them to agree to it...because that's your entire mantra, Impulse, just like the military.

Hurry up and wait.

But not Impulse, no, because that's just not your way.

Why is that??

(As he asks that question, Wells walks by and without stopping, hears Cruise talking and chimes in.)

WELLS (yelling out to the camera): BECAUSE THEY'RE NERDS!!!

CRUISE: And we have a temporary solution to our problem, but again...things just aren't that easy with the two of you. You claim that I'm talking in circles, yet, I don't think we could've been more of two points.

What do I mean, two points....this isn't to say you don't know...but Stalker??

I'm sure he knows all about STRAIGHT LINES.

That's right, I said it...bite me.

The fact is...since we've been back, the Dangle Brothers HAVE run this place.

We've done just about whatever we wanted, we got your attention doing it, and in the long run, we still got and will STILL BE GETTING....what we want, out of it....

(Suddenly the intercom to the entire store cuts on, and a Home Depot starts to speak but is cut off mid-sentence...)
WELLS (On Intercom): Attention Home Depot Shoppers, Daddy needs a price check on aisle 4 for some hoes....no, Daddy meant the GARDENING TOOLS, not YOU....and "Where the hell is the beer man, around here...don't you give me that, you mean you don't even have 'Modelo'?? Daddy'd thought you'd at LEAST have some CORONA."

(The intercom cuts off as Cruise continues)

CRUISE: And you somehow have it in your head that Anthology didn't dictate the course of the Empire?? What are you STONED?? Been hanging out with Steven Shane or did the doctor pick you up off the floor when you were born and just decided to play "Hot Potato" with the rest of the nursing staff??

Surely, Anthology dictated the course of the Empire, because even if it was the remote group of retards put together to fight off other sippers like THE FALLEN, or HOPE...it still got the attention of the man with the one belt I didn't have around my waist that I TRULY wanted; the World Heavyweight Championship, in Sean Stevens.

Now, I know what you're gonna say, this and that about the Television Championship, losing it to a man who's much like The First losing the World Heavyweight Championship, he just took his ball and went home....the "NON-Prophet" Andy Williams...I know that's not the right name, but it's not exactly important enough to me to get it right either.

If Anthology was so INSIGNIFICANT...how easy was it to get his attention?? In fact, how easy was it to get DAN RYAN'S attention??

I'd say Lindsay Troys' but she doesn't stick around much anyway to even rate it.

(Cruise smiles)

You know...like another "Empire Pro Employee", I know.

The fact is that when things ran in Anthology WITHOUT Sean Stevens....ratings could've have been higher, but the fact is that as soon as Sean "took over"??


But go ahead and think that the First was a creditable champion, hell...

At least I've won legitimately without the use of a weapon, over and over again.

I told people before, I TOOK the Television Championship to prove a point to Astros, in that he's not as adept at this business as he THINKS he is.

And that piece of garbage hasn't been back since.

That Williams kid that "beat me" for that title??

Took him THREE TIMES to get that title off of me.

Now, if you two morons were smart enough to realize that one-times-one is ONE....we wouldn't be doing math right now, would we?

And you think that victories in Tag matches count towards SINGLES competition....tsk, tsk, tsk.

But don't tell me about losing, Impulse, because according to you....you're still undefeated, and you hold victories over me in places that have ZERO bearing on what's about to go down this week....that's the important thing, right??

Wrong again, Boyscout.

As for Jason...think again, son.

In order to be "Alcoholics" the two of you actually have to DRINK.

And last the Dangle Brothers checked...SIPPERS don't qualify.

So you're **** out of luck.

I never said I was an "Unfathomable God"...even if I literally just did to address a point....YOU said I was an "Unfathomable God", and last I heard...they aren't much fallible these days, and believe me especially after looking at the way you hold yourself, the way you live, the way you PRESENT yourself....

That REALLY isn't much of an issue....

(Wells walks by and hears Cruise say the word "issue", and snaps his fingers.)

WELLS: That reminds me....we gotta stop by Costco and pick up some tissue.

(Cruise nods, and Wells goes back to shopping)

I wouldn't call you the most hated man in EPW, though, that distinction belongs to the Mascara-Freak, after what he did with that mask.

You?? You'd have to make me a BELIEVER for you to even do that.

As for what I DO believe...you ain't the devil, son, not even close.

For that to actually be true, you'd have to intimidate me alittle bit...and really..."Stalker's World"??

Parent's try to teach children when they're young to have an active imagination, and believe me...you DO...

But this is cutting on the BIG BOY TABLE.

You're not in the LEAST a target, Jason, because the fact is...YOU don't matter, WE DO.

After all...you're the one that suckered the Boyscout into taking this match, right??

So stop kidding yourself, and just admit that whatever thunder you THOUGHT you had while Anthology was in the process of being buried by Sean Stevens...the Dangle Brothers TOOK BACK, simply by BEING HERE.

(After signalling what Cruise meant, he hears the start up of an engine and a reverse-beeping noise is heard...)

CRUISE (Calling out to Wells): I meant the EMPIRE, WELLS!!


CRUISE: But don't think we just decide things to spite YOU, Jason, I told you...you're about as intimidating as a box of kittens. But the Intercontinental Championship??

That's between Impulse and Wells.

I'm after the Holy ****ing Grail, and no one is gonna stand in our way of what we want.

I don't give a **** if you're the Boogyman, the Monster under the bed, or Freddy ******* Kruger, you can be anyone you want.

But you ALREADY tried being the Devil, Reeves, and I sent you right back where you came from.

As for Aggression 66, I've no problem doing it again.

Even if there isn't a shiny fiddle made of gold.

(Cruise turns around as the beeping gets louder, and Wells comes into view driving a forklift, holding out a pallet with a toilet on it, marked "Impulse and Stalker", as he grins, sending it out to the parking lot. Cruise smiles as he reaches for his wallet to pay for the items.)

CRUISE: Catch my drift??

Last edited:


I stalk, because I care
May 2, 2007
Dangle with me, Dangle with death.

"**** the cool intro."

CRUISE: Boyscout, the interesting thing about this entire period of arrangement...is that first of all...the two of you couldn't stand to look at the balls you keep in your pockets and had to make sure people still knew that you were there, by coming out to challenge US first.

Stalker: WRONG! You idiot. You attacked Impulse in his match against Tact and the first name on your **** list during your introduction speech was mine. To me that's a challenge, I only confirmed that challenge when I dropped Jared Wells on his f*cking head at 65. Are you that ignorant that you don't even know what a challenge really is? Or do you live in your own reality, that truly, is worse then mine?

You rant and rave and rant and rave about Nerds! My god man, give it a rest. That is really what you want to hang your hat on? Calling those that are better then you, nerds?

What kind of middle school bull**** is this anyways?

I can't even compare it to high school, because at this point in our back and forth it's clear to me that you never completed high school.

It f*cking pisses me off how much you idiots force me to step into the role of putting some bad guys down. But when you represent the style this badly, someone has to do it. If it's not going to be Anarky or Rezin, then hell i'd much rather see Impulse shove your f*cking foot in your mouth and call it a night.

At least he understands what EPW is today. Unlike your brain dead corpse.

Jared Wells is all tough, talking about how I... ME.. of ALL people won't be walking out of that building on my own power? Boy... do you know who I am? Or what 'I' have been through?

Of course you don't. None of you have the f*cking respect that I require to exist here in EPW. Hence why I demanded this match.

There was no challenge, you *****es did that yourselves. I DEMANDED this ****. I might be a lunatic, but i'm not stupid enough to think I can take you both on in a tag match by myself. So I gave Impulse what he's been wanting from me for a long time.

Stalker vs. Pulse, and there must be a winner. We both win in this case, cause not only do I get to CRUSH you two rodents like the cock roaches that you are. BUT as a secondary prize, I get Impulse, in a CAGE... all to myself.

You continue to prove my point repeatedly Cameron Cruise. The more you run your mouth, the more energy it gives me. The more you sit there and think, that ME... of all people is going to let you run **** in EPW.....

My god boy... you are seriously mistaken.

I was going to let everything slide, past this point. But not anymore.

2012 will be the year that Stalker kills 'The Dangle Brothers'. And that my friends is the truest reality check you will EVER get.

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