The League Of Extraordinary Wrestlers

[Lord_Alucard]

Hey guys. Hope everyone's been doing fine. If you've already guessed, I've recently watched the movie "LXG." This was just a small inspiration to this fun-fiction with certain EUWC Superstars and when an idea starts playing in my head, I just go ahead and do it, no matter how ridiculous it may be. So without any further adeu, I present to you the first chapter of "LXW - The League of Extraordinary Wrestlers." Please do let me know what everyone thinks and stay tuned for more.

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY WRESTLERS​

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CHAPTER 1 - THE RECRUITMENT


(Scene shows the outside of a huge business tower. A limo pulls up and a well-suited man opens the rear door. Out steps Sean Taylor, EUWC World Champion. Both of them walk into the building and get into an elevator, talking along the way.)

Man: You made good time getting here.


Taylor: What, I’m late just 20 minutes and you’re going all Miss Courtney on me? You do realize that I am Sean Taylor, Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion. Do you have any idea what that means?


Man: Yes, I do have an idea…

Taylor: Then I’ll gladly clear it up for you. You see, since I have won both the EUWC International Championship and the EUWC World Championship, I am now officially and undeniably the Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion…

Man: Quite prestigious, I must say…

Taylor: As I was saying…The EUWC World Championship and The EUWC International Championship are the two most prestigious titles in the EUWC and I am the only person to be holding them at the same time, thereby making me the Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion. Before that I was the Undisputed Greatest EUWC International Champion, but being Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion is a landmark. I’ve beaten people like Lynch Garrison, Lord Alucard, Damian Dante Stone, and recently “The Definitive” Danny Collins. Whats more…


(A ring is heard and the elevator door opens)

Man: (Deep sigh) We’re here (muttering to himself) Thank God.

Taylor: Pardon?

Man: Uhh… right this way please.

(The man leads Taylor to a large conference room, however the lights have been turned dim and not much can be seen.)

Man: Please wait here.


(The man leaves and closes the door behind him. The lights slowly start to come on and Taylor sees the room clearly. There his a huge conference table but there is only one person seated at the far end of the table with his back to Taylor.)

Taylor: Identify yourself!

Seated Man: I am known by many names, Mr. Taylor. My underlings and lackeys call me boss. My kids call me daddy, most of the times they just say ‘sign here.’ Then there are people in the audience who constantly refer to me as an @$$hole.


Taylor: Okay, so its Mr. @$$-hole then, eh?

Seated Man: (Gets up and faces Taylor in anger) HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT?! I’M VINCE MCMAHON DAMMIT!!!!

Taylor: Okayyyy, well atleast now I know who you are.

Vince: You do know that insulting me can cost you dearly.

Taylor: Actually, it cant, cause firstly, as you may already know, I am Sean Taylor, The Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion of All Time. What that means is that I am the only person in the EUWC to hold both the EUWC World Championship and the EUWC International Championship, thereby making me the Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion of All Time, making me a…

Vince: Impressive, but not impressive enough. As YOU may already know, I’M VINCE MCMAHON DAMMIT!!!! And that says it all. Imagine how you can sign your own pink slip.

Taylor: Which brings me to reason two. Since I am NOT contracted with the WWE or more specifically, you, there’s not a damn thing you can do to me.

Vince: (startled look) Uh..yes, that is a good point. However, all that can change Taylor, you could be a WWE superstar. You could reach the top of the sports entertainment mountain. You could be WWE Champion and you could be headlining Wrestlemania.

Taylor: Interesting.

Vince: However…

Taylor: Of course.

Vince: You will have to render some services to me first.

Taylor: Forget it Vince, if you’re planning on bringing back the Corporation or something, I’m out.

Vince: Uh no, well not right now anyways. I was referring to services such as leading the newest League of Extraordinary Wrestlers.

Taylor: Hubba Wha!!!

Vince: Its an elite group of professionals that I handpick sometimes when I have problems arising every now and then. Lots of those people have made it big in the WWE, that is, if the succeed.

Taylor: People such as?

Vince: That’s classified.


Taylor: WOW! Getting to lead some professionals…wait… they aren’t guys from OVW are they?

Vince: Oh please! Of course not!

Taylor: Great, then these are guys that you know and are professionals.

Vince: Of course, as a matter of fact, you know them all quite well. You have nothing to worry about at all.

Taylor: ALRIGHT!

Vince: They are all superstars of the EUWC!

Taylor: Um, pardon?

Vince: The Extreme Universal Championship Wrestling, the same company you champion.

Taylor: Correct me if I’m wrong, but you did mention professionals, right.

Vince: Yes I did.

Taylor: Well I thought you meant professionals like, I don’t know, WWE Superstars. But EUWC? I’m afraid that’s impossible. I know by long experience that other than me, all the other EUWC Superstars are about as extraordinary as amoeba on Saturn.

Unknown Voice: HEY! Booky learned a new word.

Taylor: Who the…

Vince: Yes, allow me to introduce you to your second league member. Sean Taylor, Mr. Nero.

(Nero emerges from the shadows of a corner of a room.)

Taylor: You must be joking. If EUWC Superstars are as amoeba on Saturn, then please meet the bacteria of Pluto. And I’m not talking about the planet.

Nero: OOOHHH, haven’t we been watching too much Discovery Channel. Shut up already Taylor.

Taylor: You don’t tell me to shut up, you half-sized dimwit! I am Sean Taylor, The Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion of All Time. What that means is that I am the only…..

Nero: Don’t you dare start that over again, Elizabeth.

Vince: Thank you Nero.

Nero: EAH, don’t mention it. Anyways, you may have won those two titles, God knows how. But let’s not forget who pinned you TWICE on the same night!

Taylor: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! IT WAS A DAMN HOUSE SHOW!!!


Nero: Lets not forget, your FIRST EVER house show.

Taylor: IT WAS STILL A DAMN HOUSE SHOW!!!

Nero: Sure it was…

Vince: House show, huh?


Nero: YUP!

Taylor: Look Vince, it was a house show, okay. It doesn’t mean much.

Nero: Then why so pissed Queenie?

Taylor: THAT’S IT!!!


(Taylor charges at Nero but Vince comes in between.)

Vince: Boys, please. I wont have you two fighting amongst each other. Who do you think I am, Bischoff? Lets get this straight, Sean, you’re a double champion.

Taylor: The Undis…

Nero: Can it Lizzie.

Taylor: You can it, fish breath.

Vince AS I WAS SAYING, Sean, you’re a double champion. Nero, you’re a multi-time and probably a great tag team champion.

Taylor: Please note, “Tag Team.”

Nero: Please note (points at Taylor) JACK-ASS!

Vince: Hey, SHUT UP! Both of you! Last Warning. You wanna fight, do it someplace else. What I’m trying to say is that with your combined efforts, you can help me combat a great evil threatening my interests.

Taylor: One question, why us? I mean of course I’m great and everything…

Nero: (snores)

Taylor: But why did you get the idea of getting EUWC Superstars for this job?

Vince: Because the EUWC is quite familiar with that threat. According to our files, it has plagued the EUWC for quite a long time now.

Nero: Yeah, DDS has been a pain the butt! HAHA!

(Nero and Taylor both crack and go for a hi-5, but stop in middle and look opposite ways.)

Vince: I’m afraid it’s more serious. This threat is called Holocaust.

Nero and Taylor: AH!

Nero: Vince, you really do need to reconsider using EUWC superstars for this. Why not just have him wrestle HHH and get it over with.


Vince: Not that simple. We know nothing about him, but wrestling him is not much of a problem. The problem is his group called The Dominion. They are threatening the WWE with potential life-threatening consequences.

Nero: What, they’re gonna invade Wrestle Mania 21 or something?

Vince: Actually, yes!

Nero and Taylor: WRESTLEMANIA 21!!!

Vince: Yes. They wanted full sponsorship rights and complete control etc.

Taylor: And you being the big-time @$$-hole, showed them the middle finger.

Vince: Actually I was wearing one of Austin’s large sized foam fingers.

Nero: GREAT! That was a sensible idea.

Vince: Now they’re planning on invading Wrestlemania and I can’t let that happen. I’ve seen a video of what one of your PPVs looked like when they took over. So I can let that happen. That would waste me getting a HUGE set with a mammoth budget be ready for the show.

Nero: So what do you want us to do?

Vince: Our sources tell us that Holocaust may attack at the Hall of Fame show at the Universal Ampitheatre, the night before Wrestlemania 21.

Taylor: And you want us to catch him there. Okay, when will our planes be leaving?

Actually, since you’re not contracted with the WWE yet, you cant have a plane ride to LA. Nero will be providing the transportation. But first you will have to recruit two more of the league’s members and then head for the Ampitheatre. Till then, I hope the three of you get along.

Nero: Uh Vince, there’s only two of us.

Taylor: Maybe since I am the Undisputed Greatest EUWC ‘Double’ Champ…

Vince: Actually, the third guy is around here somewhere.

Voice: Right here Vince.

Vince: Where?

Voice: Right next to you.

Vince: I don’t see any.. ah yes. I’m sure you two know Classy Mike C here.


Nero: Classy? Where? He’s very hard to notice as it is


Vince: Why is that?


Taylor: Well, Classy just stuck around with the 52-Wild Title for ages, it made him literally invisible.

Classy: Actually Unnoticeable. Everyone can see me; they just don’t notice me at all.

Nero: See, if you had stuck around with the Monkey-Fields instead of handing around with Mr. Freeze, you could have been a good stable.

Classy: I’ll ignore that distasteful comment.

Nero: Ignore. I think the word is ‘unnotice.’

Vince: Well I guess you three know all by now, so you best be on your way. Like I said before, Nero will be providing the transportation. Good luck to you all.


(Cut to outside of the building. The three league members exit out of the building and stop slowly.)

Classy: What is that?

(Classy points to a van painted in multiple rainbow colors, looking like it was out of an Austin Powers movie. On both rear sides, “The Nero Wagon” is written.)

Nero: I call it The Nero Wagon.

Taylor: Yes I can see that. You don’t mean to tell me we’re gonna go all the way to L.A. in that thing?

Nero: You wanna try hitchhiking?

Taylor: Never mind.

Nero: Anyways, this is my dimwit of a butler Casey Torpid. Open the door Storpid.

Torpid: Certainly Oh Great and Almighty Nero! (Slides open the door)

Classy: And I thought Taylor’s double champ drag was cliché enough.

(Nero and Taylor get inside but just as Classy is getting in, Torpid slides the door to shut it and hits Classy.)


Torpid: Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you.


Classy: No, that’s okay, it’s not your fault. (then suddenly gives Torpid a spinebuster right on the road!)

Nero: Oh great, nice work Classy. Now we gotta wait for him to wake up so we can get a move on.

Taylor: Why don’t you just drive this jalopy yourself?

Nero: Oh yeah sure, I, the Great and Almighty Nero will drive the Great Nero Wagon himself. Right. Whacko!
______________________________________________________________

 

[Paul Doom]

haha...nice...can't wait to read about Doom (if ever )

 

[Lord_Alucard]

Chapter 2

Thanks for the review. Hope everyone else likes it. Here's chapter 2.




CHAPTER 2 – ENCOUNTER TIME


(Its evening time and we see the Nero Wagon driving on the highway. Casey Torpid, who looks very dazed, is driving the wagon, with Classy Mike C sitting next to him.)

Torpid: I’m really sorry about the door.

Classy: For the 4th time, I’m telling you that it wasn’t your fault. Many people have problems noticing me.


Torpid: Oh yeah, why’s that?


Classy: Lets just say I’m suffering for being the greatest EUWC 52-Wild Champion. God that title has kept me in the same place as I was for almost a year now. I can’t imagine why. The EUWC couldn’t find anyone else to push for that division.

Torpid: Oh yeah, now I remember. I was actually gonna have a shot at the 52-Wild Title sometime back after you beat Evol. I don’t remember a lot, but back then I had a lot of popularity. Then I left. Hey, here’s a thought. If I had beat you then, you could have moved on and become a bigger champ.

Classy: Really? So, if you had stayed then, YOU could have been the next 52-Wild champ and then I could have had a push and become International or U.S. Champ then.

Torpid: Yup.

Classy: Tell me something. Why did you leave the company then?

Torpid: I dunno, I guess I didn’t feel like it anymore.

Classy: (with an evil and icy stare) Didn’t… feel….like it!!!???

Torpid: Yup.

Classy: (evilly) I see…

(In the back, Nero and Taylor are arguing.)

Taylor: Okay, smart@$$, answer me this. We’re riding on the road in a van which is practically an invitation to Holocaust and the Dominion. What do you say about that?

Nero: Oh yeah?! How’s that?

Taylor: Oh jeez, I don’t know. Could it be corny color scheme, or wait, how about the fact that it has “The Nero Wagon” painted in some stupid kind of glow in the dark paint on both sides???!!! Answer me that!

Nero: Ah yes. Don’t worry, I’ve got that covered.

Taylor: Please tell me you’re not going to literally cover it up with a cloth or something.

Nero: Hey, how dumb do you think I am?

(Cut to outside on the side of the wagon which says “The Nero Wagon”, only someone has sprayed “Not” in front of it with spray paint. It now reads “Not the Nero Wagon.” Nero is standing next to it and is approached by Taylor.)

Taylor: Ah yes, very original Nero.

Nero: Don’t call me Nero. We’ll use secret names. Call me Nemo.

Taylor: Doesn’t that mean nobody in Latin?

Nero: Yeah.

Taylor: That you are Nemo, that you are.

(We see that the “Not the Nero Wagon” is parked in front of a large but old house having a very spooky look. The league members head for the door.)

Nero: Torpid, stand guard of the wagon.

Torpid: Yes, oh Great and Almighty Nero!

Taylor: I thought you were Nemo.

Nero: I am, but he’s just praising the almighty Nero. That’s no big deal.

(Torpid heads back for the van but he trips and falls down.)

Torpid: Oh, sorry there Classy. I didn’t notice your leg outstretched like that.

Classy: No biggie.

(Classy walks back to Nero and Taylor with a smirk on his face.)

Taylor: What was that all about?

Classy: Nothing that would concern you. (Sarcastically) This is a lovely spot. Does Lord Alucard live here?

(Taylor knocks on the door. A few moments later, it is opened by Lord Alucard.)

Nero: Now that was definitely odd.

Taylor: Alucard.

Alucard: Taylor.

Taylor: We come by way of Vince McMahon.

Alucard: Ah yes. @$$-hole extraordinaire. Well I’ve already told him and I’m telling you, I’m not interested.

(Suddenly Nero barges in through the door, and Taylor follows)

Nero: Hey Boredy, spooky place you got here.

Alucard: (sarcastically) Ah Nero, please do come in.

(Nero and Taylor enter Alucard’s main hall. Alucard is about to close the front door when Classy Mike C quickly scurries into the house.)

Alucard: Ah, Mike C. Thought I’d miss you?

Classy: (a little intimidated) Ohh…yyyou noticed mmee?

Alucard: I don’t miss much.

(Both of them enter the hall and join Nero and Taylor.)

Taylor: This place has got a charming décor.

Nero: Yeah but the outside could use a paint job. Why it looks like as if it was Bored Alucard’s house. Hehe.

Alucard: Thank you for the compliment Nero. Actually I was planning to try a new color shade called “Hint of Brain.”

Taylor: That’s a problem, Nero doesn’t have a brain.

Nero: Yeah, HEY!

(Alucard sits down on a sofa.)

Alucard: So Taylor, Vince chose you to lead? That double title reign is coming quite handy, isn’t it?

Taylor: You mean my being the Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion of All Time.

Nero: Ever consider using a short form for that?

Classy: I must say I am curious about why did Vince choose Alucard. We all have features that make us extraordinary. I am probably the least likely to be seen, which gives me an edge. Taylor has the experience and the leadership abilities. And Nero…well…Vince had an extra slot to fill.

Nero: (who is standing next to Classy Mike C with a compact mirror) Hey! You DO have a reflection!

Classy: Uh, yes. But what of you Alucard? What do you have that makes you so special?

Alucard: I have something every superstar wants, but can never get.

Taylor: Have you guys ever seen Alucard wrestle?

Nero: Unfortunately yes.

Taylor: Ever notice how he always keeps on winning and taking down opponents?

Classy: Yes why?

(Before Taylor can answer, the front door breaks open and in enter random unknown wrestlers dressed in generic wrestling gear and surround the room in a circle. The league is startled and looks around the intruders.)

Nero: Okay Boredy, what’s the deal with the jobbers?

Alucard: They’re not mine.

Heavy Voice: They are mine!

(In comes Holocaust, followed by a few other random wrestlers.)

Nero: But, how did they find us?

Taylor: Lemme guess. Was it the “Not the Nero Wagon” written on that van of yours?

Nero: I’d appreciate if you lay off the wagon.

Alucard: His van actually says “Not the Nero Wagon”???

Holocaust: Yes. At first it looked like an excellent giveaway. I thought it was a trap. I didn’t think Nero would be that stupid. But now that I know that he is, I have much less to worry about. Oh and Nero, I see that pipe behind you. Drop it.

Nero: (throws the pipe away behind him) What pipe?

Holocaust: You have been gathered together to stop me, that of course I cannot allow. So I’m here to give you a one time offer. Join me. Alucard, Taylor, with you on my side, we will have more power than you can ever imagine.

Nero: Hey! What about me?

Classy: And me?

Holocaust: You Classy I didn’t notice. And you Nero, I don’t want to notice.

(Just then, Casey Torpid enters the house with a pizza.)

Torpid: Oh Great and Almighty Nero, your pepperoni and cheese pizza has arrived…

(Holocaust turns around and just then Torpid slips on the broken down door and inadvertently throws the pizza which hits Holocaust in the face.)

Holocaust: (furious) GET THEM!!!

(The random wrestlers attack the league members. Taylor starts fighting some of them, Alucard starts taking on a large group of them. None of them seem to be attacking Classy, meanwhile Nero hides under the couch. Holocaust is leaving but does deliver the Ragnarok to Torpid. Taylor is fighting them tooth and nail, Alucard seems to reverse every attack the wrestlers put at him. Some of the wrestlers spot Nero’s feet under a couch.)

RW: Come out and fight like a man!

Nero: (slides out under the couch and jumps up) I fight a little differently.

(As one of them charges at Nero, Nero ducks and hits a low blow to the wrestler and starts using dirty tactics to eliminate the rest, such as giving one guy a wedgie and slapping one down to the ground. Meanwhile there are bodies everywhere around Alucard, who is taking everyone down with effortless ease. Taylor is fighting for his life and is being attacked from all sides when Classy comes in to help and the wrestlers don’t know what’s hitting them. They look around each other but end up on the receiving end of a spine buster and power bombs, courtesy of Classy Mike C. One person has a coffee table in hand ready to attack Taylor.)

Taylor: Hey look behind you, its Classy Mike C!

RW: (turns around) I don’t see anyone…

(Taylor takes the chance and delivers the Bloodrush.)

Taylor: I was hoping for that. Thanks Classy.

Classy: No problem.

(Nero finishes off one guy with a Nero Kick and then Classy whips one guy to Taylor who delivers a stunning Bloodrush! The three look around and see the bodies and look at Alucard, who is still dropping wrestlers like flies. The last person tries to get in some old school punches to Alucard but they don’t even affect him. Alucard grins and delivers the Einhander to the guy who is just about to pass out.)

RW: What…is it…with you?

Alucard: I have a contract clause.

(A few moments later.)

Nero: WOW! I thought I was unique, but you my friend have the RARE AND AMAZING ABILITY OF NO-SELLING!!!

Alucard: Why indeed I do, watch this.

(As he says it, a random wrestler gets up and charges at Alucard but Alucard just takes him down with a clothesline and the wrestler can’t get up anymore.)

Taylor, Nero and Classy: (GASP) Extraordinary.

Taylor: Well I guess we better be going. Thanks for the help Alucard. See ya later.

Alucard: On the contrary, I do believe I can honor the position I’ve been chosen for. I haven’t had this much fun utilizing my contractual clause ever before. If this is a preview of things to come, I’ll have a lot of fun as the journey progresses.

Taylor: So you changed your mind. I knew the idea for a WWE contract couldn’t keep you away.

Alucard: Actually, I’m only in because this house doesn’t repair itself. McMahon will have to pay for all the damage.

Classy: That is if we succeed.

Alucard: You mean ‘when’ we succeed. You don’t expect a man with abilities such as me will go into a mission as insignificant as this and actually fail.

Taylor: Dude, this is Wrestlemania we’re talking about. WWE’s biggest PPV of the year! Who knows what diabolical schemes Holocaust has in mind.

Nero: I’m guessing he’ll hypnotize Viscera and make him grab the ring announcer.

Classy: And then?

Nero: And then DO IT right in the ring!

Taylor: That’s disgusting Nero. You obviously can’t sink any deeper than that.

Nero: Oh yes I can, every one knows the announcer at Wrestlemania is Howard Finkel!

Classy and Taylor: AAARRGHH….EEEW.

Taylor: Get a grip dude.

Classy: (cough) Oh no, I think I just imagined it.

Alucard: I have seen fear. I have seen blood. I have seen carnage and destruction. But I have never visualized a thought a hideous as that.

Classy: I think McMahon should have had Nero agree to shut up during the mission.

Nero: You know that can’t be done.

Taylor: How unfortunate. Then, if we have no more perverted fantasies to hear about, all we have to do is recruit one more member and get on with the mission. So let’s get going.

Nero: Not just yet. As you can see, Torpid took the Ragnarok and is unconscious. It’ll take ages for him to get up and get ready to drive.

Alucard: Why not just drive yourself?

Taylor: Yeah right. I’m sure he can only drive cars he finds in GTA Vice City, with a joystick on Playstation 2

Nero: That’s absurd! I just bought San Andreas.

===========================================================

 

[Classy Mike C]

Re: Chapter 2

I don't know if you'll actually notice this post, but that's folkin' brilliant!

 

[Jay_Smash]

This is where I come in right? I mean, it only makes sense to have me come in... as an ice cream man or something.... Someone wants ice cream!

It's good, it's silly... sounds sort of like a lost episode of Southpark, if Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny met vince McMahon to create a League of there own, to face the evil team of Professor Chaos'. Anyways, I don't know why I thought of Southpark... I guess I just want some ice cream....

JS

 

[Jay_Smash]

Re: Chapter 2

I certainly didn't notice it.... wait....

 

[T. Waring]

i agree it was very fun to read

 

[Lord_Alucard]

Thanks guys. Glad you're liking it so far. The next chapter will be up in some time. Till then, I was wondering if any of you had any ideas for other movies I could make a spoof of.

Till Later,

Twisted.

 

[Jay_Smash]

The only recent movie I've seen is National Treasure.... Have a team of wrestlers search for something.... And another group go after it too... it could be silly... I mean cool... it can be sweet, ****in awsome.... and silly.....

X-men spoof... give everyone a mutant power... now that's silly.

 

[Paul Doom]

Haha Jay....you already have your mutant power...verbal diorrhea!

 

[Jay_Smash]

I'm sorry, it's uncontrolable *words literally vomiting from mouth*. If my mouth is shut, it's okay, if it's open, I'm like fricken Cyclops from the mouth.

JS

 

[Lord_Alucard]

CHAPTER 3 – CATCHING THE BEAST…WELL, SORTA.

(Los Angeles. Camera shows the “Not the Nero Wagon” parked outside a comic book shop. A life size cutout of Rob Van Dam is on the window. A sign says “Book signing today by Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart.” Inside however, the whole shop is messed up and the shelves and books are lying about. We see a huge man, whose face is hidden in shadows since he broke most of the lights, throwing things around and yelling aloud. Sean Taylor and Classy Mike C are hiding behind a table, with books and stuff flying over them. Taylor has a walkie talkie.)

Taylor: (Into walkie talkie) Nero, explain to me to things. One, why do we need this big gorilla anyways? And two, why the hell do we need walkie talkies for? This is a small comic book shop, not a multiplex!

(Cut to Nero who is hiding behind another table)

Nero: (Into walkie talkie) Dude, no-seller or not, we did need a big powerhouse on the team. And I just thought the walkie talkies were just cool, kinda like the movies.

(Cut to taylor)

Taylor: (Into walkie talkie) Even considering that we’re only TWO AISLES away from each other!

(Cut to Nero)

Nero: Yeah, this is gonna be hard to pull off. Poor little Van Dam’s place is trashed on Bret Hart’s book signing day.

(Van Dam approaches Nero from behind)

RVD: Dude, you’re gonna have to pay for all this man!

Nero: (passes him a packet) Here, these should do, now scram!

RVD: HEY! CHILL PILLS!!!

(Cut to Taylor and Classy, who is reading something out of one of Bret Hart’s books.)

Classy: I wonder what would have happened if the Montreal Screwjob had never happened.

Taylor: That is one of the universe’s greatest mysteries.

Bret Hart: (From under a table) Nothing much really, the Austin era not happening, HHH not getting pushed, watching me and HBK go at it for the umpteenth time, the usual.

Classy: Well, could you please sign my book?

Bret: Did you buy it yet?

Classy: Not yet.

Bret: No deal! Get in line and then we’ll discuss that.

Taylor: (Into walkie talkie) Okay Nero, the time is now!

(Suddenly John Cena’s “The time is now” plays on loud volume. Bret, Taylor, Classy and Nero look around in astonishment but then Nero spots RVD playing Cena’s album on a CD player and eating chill pills. He looks dazed.)

Nero: Ah, false alarm, Lizzie. Anyways, I’m goin in.

(Nero comes out from his hiding place and slowly walks up to towards the large person. He carefully approaches him as he throws more furniture around the shop. When the person sees Nero, he stops. Cut shows Classy and Taylor looking worried. Cut back to Nero.)

Nero: Hey G, howya doin?

Lynch Garrison: Wassup Nero! All sweet. (shakes hands with Nero.)

Nero: So you ready for the shindig tonight?

Lynch: Ya bet!

(Just then, Sean Taylor attacks Lynch Garrison with a wooden chair, which breaks into pieces. Garrison gets angry and grabs Taylor by the throat.)

Lynch: You gonna be real sorry bout that, book brain!

Taylor: (with a pressed throat) Ahehehe….can’t we (cough) talk about this???

Lynch: Yeah sure.

Taylor: Well you see…

Lynch: CHANGED MY MIND! (Raises his hand for a punch)

Taylor: Nero, (cough) do something!

Nero: I am. Just wish I had a camera.

Lynch: SAY GOODNIGHT!!!

Taylor: NERO!

Alucard: Goodnight.

Lynch: Wha--!

(From behind Lynch, Alucard grabs him and delivers an Electric Chair to the big man! Lynch goes down with massive impact.)

Lynch: (passing out) Can’t..move…just a…stupid move…why cant….move…uhhh (passes out.)

Taylor: (cough cough) Phew, that was too close…why didn’t you tell me you could just talk to him and get him on?

Nero: I dunno. He looked like in a bad mood. Besides, the look on your face was spectacular!

Taylor: Hey, I am the Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion of All Time. I certainly don’t deserve getting beaten to a pulp by Lynch Garrison.

Nero: But man, were you scared!!! You were ready to call your mommy!!!

Taylor: This isn’t funny Nero.

Nero: I swear I almost saw tears.

Taylor: AARRGH! Oh never bother. Its useless arguing with you.

Nero: (in a crybaby voice) “Mommy mommy, I’m a double champ and I got my @$$ kicked by a big meanie…WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

Taylor: Hey, SHUT UP ALREADY! I’m warning you, shut your mouth! Alright guys, its time we clear out of here. So let’s get this big ape up and away.

Classy: Not just yet. Apparently Bret Hart is letting fans take pictures of him doing the sharpshooter on Garrison.

(Fans are taking pictures of Bret Hart with the sharpshooter locked in on an unconscious Lynch Garrison.)

Taylor: What’s the point of that?

Classy: I don’t know really.

Taylor: Well get him off and let’s get going!

Nero: (crouching down on Garrison’s head) Boy, did you nail him bad. When he comes to, he’ll…

Alucard: Do what? I’ll just do what I always do and…

Nero: You mean no-sell and take him down again?

Alucard: Call it what you like.

Nero: I wish I had a contract like that.

Alucard: In your dreams Nero, in your dreams.

(Outside the comic book shop, Taylor, Nero and Classy drag out Garrison to the “Not the Nero Wagon.”

Taylor: Pfft…BAH! I’m the Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion of All Time. Why do I have to carry this big oaf out like this?

Nero: Hey, I just figured out an acronym for that. Let’s see; U, G, E, D, C, A, T….. JACKASS!!!

Taylor: One of these days Nero, one of these days…

Nero: Sure, I’ll sign your little autograph book, just as soon as I become WWE champ.

Alucard: Excuse me, but your driver Torpid is unconscious.

(Torpid is lying on his face next to the van. The league is standing over him. Classy has a smile on his face)

Taylor: Who could have done this?

Alucard: He looks like he took a Boston crab or a sharpshooter.

Nero: Probably that idiot Bret Hart again. Man he will go over anybody!

Classy: (suspicious look on his face) Uh, yeah... Bret Hart,…sharpshooter. Right.

Nero: Oh well, we can’t leave without him.

Taylor: Why, no vans in San Andreas?

Unknown voice: Perhaps I can be of service.

(The league looks from where the voice came from. From behind the van, steps Paul Doom.)

Nero: Ah, Polly Kaboom! Whadya doin here?

Doom: Vince McMahon sent me to make sure everything was going according to plan. He also sent this. (Holds up a briefcase) It has a video conferencing unit. Since you have an injured man, I think I could drive for the moment.

Nero: A few questions. Are you hard to notice?

Doom: Not really.

Taylor: Are you effective with your power moves?

Doom: I’m sure you know that already.

Nero: Do you have a no-seller clause?

Doom: Well, not everyone can get to keep one of those. (Gives Alucard an icy glare)

Alucard: (grins) Look who’s talking! As I recall, you dropped the ball Doom. But I think you’re doing quite well without it.

Doom, Nero, Taylor, and Classy: (altogether) SAYS YOU!!!

Taylor: But then what makes you SO special that McMahon sent you to help. More importantly, why would he consider you for a WWE contract???

Doom: I’ll show you. Nero, attack me.

Nero: Ohhhh no! You aint foolin me with that “give him a free shot and chokeslam him” bit.

Taylor: I would LOVE to see that, personally.

Doom: I give you my word that no harm will come to you. Go ahead, try a running clothesline.

Nero: Okay, here goes!

(Nero charges at Doom but at some distance from Doom, Nero slowly stops and looks a little confused.)

Nero: Whoa, I feel flushed. It’s like all my charisma is being sucked out or something. I feel a headache coming.

Doom: See?

Classy: Amazing! He can suck heat out of anyone that approaches him.

Taylor: Which seems to be working effectively on Nero.

Alucard: Interesting. That would explain his most recent debacles, I mean matches.

Taylor: I think him and Nero should sit together at the front, for the benefit of everybody else. Hehehehe.

Nero: Uhhh…I think Booky made a joke…but …feel too tired to react…

Doom: So, if there are no other queries, I would suggest that we get moving. The Hall of Fame show is tonight. McMahon gave me the entrance passes. Once we’re in, we’ll find Holocaust and capture him.

Taylor: But we still have no idea as to what is Holocaust going to do there. He’s not just going to just show up and say ‘Boo!’ in an annoyingly loud volume.

Classy: I’m sure that would scare the WWE Superstars, well, maybe the hall of famers.

Alucard: Except Hogan of course.

Taylor, Classy and Doom: Oh yeah…yeah...right.

Nero: Phew…feeling a lot better now. Keep Mr. Goon away from me.

Taylor: Why? You two are gonna get along just great. It’ll be fun. Anyways, I know I shouldn’t be asking you this, but what evil and diabolical scheme do you think Holocaust has planned for the Hall of Fame show. And NO VISCERA JOKES!!!

Nero: Well, he could hypnotize JBL and make him do a speech.

Taylor: JBL doesn’t need to be hypnotized for that. He’s got a big mouth. I’m sure you’re familiar with it.

Nero: Okay, how about show footage of McMahon making out.

Classy: With?

Taylor: Oh God No!

Alucard: I prefer you not continue with this.

Taylor: Nero, were you born a pervert?

Nero: If you were born a nerd…

====================================================

 

[Paul Doom]

Haha...pure genious...well done

 

[T. Waring]

i agree fantasic effort


Tom (T. Waring)

 

[Lord_Alucard]

Hey everyone.

This is a pretty short chapter, but dont worry. The next chapter is what everyone's been waiting for. Have fun.


CHAPTER 4 – QUEIT DISCUSSION

(Its evening and the “Not the Nero Wagon” is on the road heading for the Universal Ampitheatre. Doom is driving while Garrison is in the front seat, still unconscious. Torpid is on the floor, about to come to. Taylor and Classy are sitting in the first row, over Casey Torpid. Nero and Alucard are in the back row.)

Nero: So Alucard, I was wondering, do you have some kinda weak spot or something?

Alucard: Why do you ask that?

Nero: Oh nothing. Actually I saw this movie sometime, didn’t see the title. Anyways there’s this guy with a grey suit and long hair and nothing can happen to him. HE gets shot, nothing. He gets cut, nothing.

Alucard: I can relate to that in some ways.

Nero: Err… yeah. So anyways, he has this painting see. It’s his own picture, and when he sees it, he turns to dust.

Alucard: Yes, I know the feeling. I also have a very important piece of paper which holds the secret to my invulnerabilities.

Nero: Would that be your contract?

Alucard: How did you know?

Nero: Just guessing. So what would happen if your contract is burnt or torn up in pieces…

Alucard: (Grabs Nero by the collar) I recommend you never say something like that to me again. I consider that blasphemy. (Lets him go)

Nero: Of course you would.

(Meanwhile, Casey Torpid is regaining consciousness. Taylor and Classy are sitting next to him.)

Torpid: Uhhhhh…what hit me?

Taylor: We don’t know. We found you unconscious outside the van. Someone beat you up. Alucard thinks he also put you in a Boston crab or a sharpshooter.

Classy: Yes, a sharpshooter indeed! Definitely by Bret Hart! He did one to Garrison too!

Taylor: What’s with you?

Classy: Nothing, NOTHING! Why?! Why are you asking me that!? I didn’t do anything!!! It was Bret Hart, I know it was!!!

Torpid: Uhhhh, yeahhh. Someone took me down and the next thing I know I was upside down with by back up and someone with a crab or something.

Classy: See?!

(A phone bell is heard ringing and Paul Doom opens up the briefcase in front which has an LCD monitor.)

Doom: Mr. McMahon is on the line.

(The screen shows the image of Vince McMahon on a live satellite stream.)

Taylor: Hello Vince. How’s it hanging?

Vince: How dare you talk to me like that! I’M VINCE MCMAHON, DAMMIT!!!

Taylor: Okay.

Vince: How are things coming along with the league?

Taylor: Well, all’s fine up till now. Alucard and Garrison have been recruited and we also met Doom. Although someone attacked Torpid, we can’t tell who it was.

Vince: Who’s Torpid?

Classy: Nero’s driver, he doesn’t matter much!

Torpid: …although it could have been a Texas cloverleaf… (Classy stomps on him)

Classy: Oops.

Taylor: So anyways, we’re all set and on our way to the hall of fame show.

Vince: Right, right. Now CUT THE CRAP AND LISTEN UP!!! There will be a lot of big names at the show and I want you guys to make sure that Holocaust doesn’t ruin the night. Sylvester Stallone is going to be there to induct Hogan into the Hall of Fame. If that moment is ruined, THE SHOW AND WRESTLEMANIA ARE GOING TO BE A DISASTER!!!

Taylor: You think Holocaust will pick that moment. What a cliché!

Vince: Nevertheless, your future WWE contracts depend on it! So if you don’t stop Holocaust, YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON, DAMMIT!!!

Nero: Uh, Vinny, isn’t it time for your beauty nap?

Vince: YES, DAMMIT!!! (Falls asleep and the screen displays “End Transmission.”)

Taylor: Phew, for once, thanks Nero.

Nero: Are you kidding? The veins were coming out of his forehead. Imagine if they burst, we could be covered in Vinny goo!

Taylor: Yeah I can imagine Vince’s blood coming all the way to us via satellite. Now then, we have two more hours till the show starts. We better be vigilant for the whole night.

Nero: But first, we better get ourselves some tuxedos. I don’t know about you guys, but I ain’t going to one of the biggest shows in Hollywood without looking fabulous.

Taylor: Nero, we’re going there to stop Holocaust, not be a part of the paparazzi.

Nero: Oh look, the Undisputed JACKASS of the world is going to go the hall of fame show looking like a garage grease monkey.

Alucard: He does have a point. We’ll have to look our best for the evening.

Nero: Yeah, plus we’re gonna fight evil in suits! Totally James Bond like!!!

Taylor: Fine. (Looking at Torpid) What happened to you?

Torpid: I dunno, I think someone kicked me in the face or something.

Taylor: But I’m the only one sitting here.

Classy: (Under his breath) Hehe, I knew I could get away with it.
(Meanwhile…)

Nero: So, what would happen if your contract mysteriously disappeared?

Alucard: (gives Nero a mean grin.) I don’t know about the contract, but if YOU don’t want to mysteriously disappear, I suggest you shut your trap!

Taylor: I sure hope so.

======================================

 

[Lord_Alucard]

Chapter 4 is up. I dunno why, but for some reason, the board doesnt show it as updated. Oh well, have fun.

Till Later,

Twisted.

 

[Lord_Alucard]

CHAPTER 5 – THE NIGHT IS HERE

(There’s a huge crowd of people outside the Universal Ampitheatre as the WWE Hall of Fame show is almost underway. Fans are waiting outside trying to get a glimpse of their favorite celebrities and WWE Superstars. Just then, the “Not the Nero Wagon” pulls up at the entrance and the League of Extraordinary Wrestlers steps out. Lord Alucard is in an all black suit. Paul Doom is in an off-white suit. Sean Taylor is in a dark grey tuxedo as is Classy Mike C. Nero, however, is in a zebra-skin pattern suit, looking completely flashy and smoking a cigar. The cameras click and flash around the league as Nero is posing for photographs.)

Nero: Take down the headline boys. Wrestling Icon and the other guys are here.

Taylor: If it was my kid, I would never have him showboat like that ever.

Classy: Then again, Vince is the one paying for the suits, right Doom.

Doom: Yes, and he’s gonna cut it from our paychecks once we get our contracts.

Classy: Just like Vince McMahon. He isn’t a cheapskate, and yet you can’t help but get the feeling he IS an @$$-hole.

Doom: I suggest you mind your tongue, or else…

Nero: What?! You gonna tell Vinny??? What are you, his gopher or something??

Doom: How dare you!

Taylor: Enough! As soon as this mission is over, I never, EVER want to associate myself with you, EVER AGAIN!!!

Nero: That is till you’ll want a shot at my prestigious WWE Title, when you will BEG me for a title shot…

Taylor: I don’t think there will ever be a point in my career where you’re the heavyweight champion. Maybe after you grow old and retire, they’ll make you an honorary champion.

Nero: Uh, REALITY CHECK! (In a crybaby voice) “Oh please Almighty Nero, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me a title shot. It’ll finally give me a chance to have an upper card match.”

Taylor: This is ridiculous. Can we just get on with this stupid mission? Before Holocaust and The Dominion strike, we’ll have to find them first. So we’ll split up and look for them. When we get the signal, we’ll strike and get Holocaust.

Classy: And what is this signal?

Nero: All of the Hall of Famers hiding under a table, Hogan still posing, and all of the divas running to me to protect them.

Taylor: Far fetched, but anyways, lets split up and get those damn contracts.

Classy: Uh, I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna check if Torpid is fine.

(As time progresses, and the Hall of Fame show is nearing its conclusion….

Hogan: (On stage) SO WHADYA GONNA DO….

(In the far seats..)

Nero: (Covering his ears) Geez, I think I can still hear.

Taylor: (Also covering his ears) I think McMahon wants Hogan’s immortal words to ring in the next generation’s minds and ears literally.

(Suddenly, a large balloon falls from the ceiling and bursts into mid-air! All of the hall of famers clutch their chests and the audience freaks out and starts to panic. Alucard and Doom, who have been sitting at a different table, join Nero and Taylor. Meanwhile Classy runs in from the entrance way and joins the league.)

Taylor: Where were you?

Classy: Uh outside, talking to Torpid.

Nero: You’ve been spending a lot of time with that nitwit, haven’t you?

Classy: What do you mean lot? I’ve just been chatting with the chap, that’s all. Just some EUWC trivia that’s all. Why, what are you guys thinking? I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WRONG AT ALL, UNDERSTAND!!!

Nero: What’s with him?

Taylor: No idea.

Alucard: If we can get to the business at hand, it appears as if Holocaust has arrived.

Doom: Yes, the balloon with the Dominion logo was obvious.

Taylor: The superstars are running, the hall of famers are having heart attacks. Not so surprisingly, Hogan is hulking up….

Nero: Won’t be long before the divas run over to the Amazing Nero.

Taylor: Yeah, you keep that thought. We’ll need to act fast. Hogan can be in real danger and he doesn’t know it.

Alucard: And doesn’t care.

(Just then, the Dominion’s Random Wrestlers march into the ampitheatre and a brawl breaks out between them and the WWE superstars.)

Classy: We’ll never get to the oldies now.

Taylor: We’ll have to get through that brawl to get to them.

Nero: And ruin my suit? NEVER!!!

Alucard: I’m sure that I and Doom can get through the brawlers.

Taylor: That may not be enough. It’s a lot of brawlers. Heat sucking and No-selling can only get you far.

Classy: Hmmm, this may be the perfect time to bring out Garrison.

Nero: Well make it quick, the WWE superstars are now starting to brawl by themselves. I think Triple H just killed Jericho again.

Taylor: Alucard, you and Doom clear the way. We’ll bring in Garrison to assist you. Then Nero, Classy and I make a run to the Hall of Famers.

Nero: Ohhhh no. You don’t expect me to run in this wardrobe.

Taylor: We’ll figure that out later. Lets get to it!

(Later….)

(Garrison comes growling into the building wearing what looks like a ripped up tuxedo.)

Garrison: ALRIGHT!!! Time to beat me up some WWE jobbers…hello Benjamin!!!

(Garrison beats Shelton Benjamin down to a pulp and moves on to other superstars.)

(Outside…)

Taylor: We’ll never make it to the stage in time.

Nero: Hey look, a bike!!!

(Nero hops on the motorcycle. Taylor reluctantly gets on as well.)

Nero: Come ON Lizzie!!! Get this thing started.

Taylor: But, I can’t.

Nero: And why not?

Taylor: Promise you won’t laugh.

Nero: Promise!

Taylor: I don’t know how to ride a bike.

Nero: HAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAHHAAA!!!

Taylor: HEY! You promised

Nero: BUT THIS IS HILARIOUS!!! LIL OLE BOOKBRAIN CAN’T RIDE A BIKE!! IT CAN’T GET ANY FUNNY THAN THAT! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

(The bike rides into the hall of fame show with Taylor sitting in the middle and Nero behind him laughing away.)

Nero: HAHAHAHA…HEY! The bike’s riding by itself!

Classy: I’m riding the bike!

Nero: Oooh, it talks too!!! Like Knight Rider!!

Classy: AARGH!!!

(They’re riding they’re bike through the crowd of brawling wrestlers and WWE superstars. Scene cuts to Josh Mathews whose face is covered with apple and spit, courtesy of Carlito.)

Carlito: So The Next Time CARLITO Tells You To Get A Soda, You Get CARLITO A Soda! And If You Don’t, You’re Not Coooooolllll. And CARLITO Spits In The Face Of People Who Don’t Want to Be….

(Someone grabs Carlito by the shoulder.)

Carlito: Alright! Whoever You Are, You Better Get Your Hands Off The Merchandise, Or CARLITO Will Spit (turns around and sees its Lynch Garrison) AhHHHH, You’re So Big, And Coooooll. Apple? (Offers Garrison an apple.)

Garrison: Thanks. (takes the apple and takes a bite out of it, then he puts the whole apple into Carlito’s mouth and punches him in the face. Carlito falls 10 feet away and onto a table.)

Carlito: (spits apple put of mouth.) Uhh, Carlito...Needs..Doctor…

(Meanwhile)

(Alucard and The Undertaker are sitting and sipping tea amid all the chaos.)

Alucard: So I understand that they want you to actually ‘sell’ to Randy Orton?

Undertaker: Yeeesss. Just some stupid gargoyle crap about “having a good match.”

Alucard: Indeed! It’s so annoying. At least you don’t have to team up with Kane to take on Snitsky and Heidenreich.

Undertaker: (Shivers) Uhhuhuhuhuh…Yes. It’s a sorry state of affairs.

Alucard & Undertaker: Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear…(both sip tea.)

(The bike is nearing the stage, riding through the crowd.)

Nero: (Spotting something.) Hmmm…Okay guys this is where I get off.

Taylor: What?!

Nero: Don’t worry, I’ll be at the stage in a flash. (jumps off bike.)

(Nero runs up and we see John Cena looking for something under a table.)

Nero: Looking for something Marky Mark?

Cena: (Immediately grabs Nero by the throat) THERE YOU ARE!!! Oh… (Lets him go) Who the hell are you??

Nero: I am The Almighty Nero, The Most Legendary…

Cena: Yeah, yeah, whatever homie, just chill for a minute dawg. Listen dude, I’m lookin’ for this little creepy dude, kinda looks and talks just like ya! So if you see this lil punk @$$, you let him know that IF YOU WANT SOME, COME GET SOME…

(John Cena is hit with a steel chair on the back by Christian and is out cold.)

Christian: Haha! You cant see me now, can you Cena! CAUSE YOU’RE UNCONSCIOUS!!!

Nero: Now that is brilliant.

(On the stage, Hogan is still hulking up, when Paul Doom comes over to him.)

Hogan: OHOHOHO!!! BETTER WATCH YOUR STEP BROTHER!!!

Doom: Don’t worry, I’m here to help.

(Just then, the bike pulls up on the stage & Classy and Taylor get off. But from behind Hogan, Holocaust steps next to him.)

Taylor: Doom, Its Holocaust!! Don’t let him get Hogan!

Doom: On the contrary… (Doom grabs Hogan. At first Hogan tries to get loose but soon he falls unconscious.)

Classy: Well what do you know; he just sucked out Hogan’s heat! All of it!!!

Taylor: Doom’s with Holocaust, don’t let him get away!

(Taylor and Classy run towards them but Doom just chokeslams Classy while Taylor misses a clothesline to Holocaust and Holocaust delivers the Burnt Offering to Taylor. Hogan quickly gets up, though.)

Hogan: OH NO!!! NO WAY I’M GOIN DOWN LIKE THAT BROTHER!!!

(Hogan takes down Doom with a Big Boot and teases a Hogan Leg Drop, but Holocaust not wanting to take any more chances uses chloroform on Hogan’s mouth and Hogan falls unconscious again. Garrison and Nero get to the stage but it’s too late. Holocaust and Doom have already kidnapped Hogan while Taylor and Classy are still down.)

Nero: Oh boy. Well, we know who’s responsible for this, don’t we Queenie???

=====================================================

 

[Lord_Alucard]

Chapter 5 is up.

Till Later,

Twisted.

 

[T. Waring]

lol again its very good, i enjoyed reading

interesting in seeing another

Tom(T. Waring)

 

[Paul Doom]

haha...the Alucard and Undertaker part is hilarious. It gets better every chapter!