Dominic Pericolo :: Faith versus Fear, It's Time To Break The Cycle.

Everyone fears something. It can be petty or it can be massive. It can be failure, death, or perhaps even just love. Everyone has a fear, everyone feels that chill that runs down your spine. Chris fears losing Georgina, Logan seemingly fears making sense. Fuck, even Sharp fears the loss of his family. It doesn't matter who you are, you will always live in fear. You may not feal it, you may not realize it until the day you think on it comes to you, but it's there.

We're wrestlers, not Gods.

So many people believe that I have a gimmick, so many people believe I'm too determined to show fear. Some people believe that after everything I've gone through I must have nothin left to fear, and at one time I would have even agreed with them. But there's fear, there's fear everywhere. It's something none of us can escape, and it's something that I've found worming it's way into my thoughts recently.

Fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of loss. Fear of failure. Fear of death, something that only a few years ago I probably would have welcomed.

People still think I'm something that I'm not. They think I'm larger then life, they think I'm the real deal, they think that of all of us. We're judged on who we are on camera, we're judged by what we do in the ring. The fans respect me, the fans cheer for me, but the fans don't know me.

Atleast, they don't believe that they do.

I give them who I am when I go out there, and some of them just throw it back in my face. "So what's your gimmick, anyway?" or "You act just like you do on TV, trying not to break kayfabe eh?"

Fuck. Kayfabe.

I'm sick of being told that I have to have a gimmick, I'm tired of people like Matthew Logan accusing me of trying to appeal to the fans by the way I act. You know what Matt? We're all fans of this business, it's people like you and I that just so happen to play the damn game. It doesn't make me appreciate it less, it doesn't make me better then them, it's just something I'm doing because I love it. Because I'm fighting for a dream; a dream I fear of losing.

I'm just another person in this world, I just so happen to be a wrestler. I still laugh, I still cry and I still feel pain just like everyone does. It's my personality that sets me apart from people, just as theirs do from everyone else. There's that little something, that spark that sets you out from everyone else.

These people believe my spark is wrestling, they believe that because I'm doing what they're watching, because they're seeing the man they've cheered for, that I'm a human god.

We're not gods, people. In fact sometimes we're driven to become the devil himself.

I'm afraid right now, you know. I'm afraid of losing at Suicide, I was afraid of losing last week. I'm afraid of alot of things, but they're all temporary. They're all there and gone the next day. Temporary fears, things that I hardly pay much mind to.

And yet I'm still afraid right now. I'm afraid of losing Suki. I'm afraid of failing my dream. I'm afraid of ending my career or even worse--dying.

They're all there and still remain the next day. They never let me go from their grasp, they are the fears that drive me out of my mind. The fears that make me fight so hard not to let them come true, and fears that slip into my subconcious day after day.

I never feared death until Suki gave me the chance to become human again, you know. After Crystal I was merely a walking shell, but Suki opened up the doors and turned the robot inro a human. When you feel fear, you know you're human.

I go into Suicide this week a fearful man, but I will leave as the victor once again. Day by day, night by night, the cycle continues. The cycle moves on, never-changing. I fear Suki rejecting my love for her, despite her professions of it while alone. I fear losing her in the manner of which I lost Crystal.

I fear losing myself.

I have gone out on global television and cried before millions of fans when I won the North American title for the first time. I did it again the second time, and again the third. The emotion was there, the feeling was there, the energy was there.

It was during those times that fear did not mean anything, anymore. As though for those moments in time I could really believe in something true, that perhaps there really is nothing to worry about.

The day we lose fear is the day we come closer to God.

There are times where I don't feel fear, there are times where I forget all of it and allow God to touch my face, to give what I was fighting for that much more meaning.

Every time I defended that title, I gave it my heart. Everytime I've shaken my opponent's hands, I've given them my soul. Everytime I've fought in that ring...I've risked my life.

I face my fears every time I step into that ring, and win or lose I've never walked out with those fears on my shoulders. I've lost plenty of matches in the HWF, but I'm still undefeated against my fears. No matter how many nightmares I've had, no matter how many times I've felt that chill, I still have pulled through the fear.

In my life, there are two wars that are always raging battle. In my heart they fight in trenches, in my mind they do geurilla warfare, and in my soul the final battlelines have been drawn out for years. But no matter how hard they try, neither side can beat the other so long as I am alive. I'm only a human, I'm not a God.

And when you're human, the battle of fear and faith is a never-ending cycle.