2009 FW Draft Thread

[TH]

Here's the draft thread. The order for the first round was selected by Dave Brunk. After that, all serpentine, baby.

ROUND 1
1. Astral Wrestling Alliance (Nova, Hyperspace Kid) - "The Wolf" Mike Randalls
2. J.A.M.F. (TSiegel, The Dangle Bros.) - "Queen of the Ring" Lindsay Troy
3. Porkchop Sandwiches Wrestling (J_A, Cheezburger Cat) - "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan
4. UWL:WCFW (WestPREZ, The Great Kabuki) - "The Epitomé" Troy Windham
5. Ultra-Leftist Wrestling (The Great Eye, Whale Wars Capt.) - Joe the Plumber
6. Willow Palin Wrestling (LQJT86C, Willow Palin) - "The EAGLEStar" Nova
7. Oliver Copp Championship Wrestling (fugginVOSS, TNM7) - Dos Equis
8. Pro Wrestling ZOMBIE (CuseTroy, "Mitch") - Hornet
9. Jesus Fighting Championship (ShawnHartXXX, Chip Christ) - Michael Manson

ROUND 2
10. JFC - "Superstar" Vince Jacobs
11. PWZ - Dennis Edward Mayfield
12. OCCW - Shawn Jessica Bubbles Hart, PhD
13. WPW - Shane Southern
14. ULW - "Triple X" Sean Stevens
15. UWL:WCFW - Felix Red
16. PSW - "Total Elimination" Eli Flair
17. JAMF - "Hurricane" Eddy Love
18. AWA - Lowell Dot Com

ROUND 3
19. AWA - "Cocky" Craig Miles
20. JAMF - "The Lost Soul" Mark Windham
21. PSW - Joey Melton
22. UWL:WCFW - "The Strongest Arms in the World" GUNS
23. ULW - Big Dog
24. WPW - Doc Silver
25. OCCW - Sonny Silver
26. PWZ - "The Mecca" Marcus Westcott/Beast
27. JCF - Yori Yakamo, Jr.

ROUND 4
28. JFC - Ice Tre
29. PWZ - "The Inhuman Being" Tchu
30. OCCW - "The Pulp Hero" Alias
31. WPW - "The Anglo Luchador" Jericoholic Anonymous
32. ULW - "The God of War" Ares
33. UWL:WCFW - "The Juggernaut" Kodiak Vic Creed
34. PSW - "The Neighborhood Lunatic" High Flyer
35. JAMF - Cardigo Mysterian
36. AWA - Garbage Bag Johnny

ROUND 5
37. AWA - "The Life of the Mind" Rook Black
38. JAMF - Copycat
39. PSW - The Spoiler
40. UWL:WCFW - Evan Aho
41. ULW - Armando Montezuma
42. WPW - Rocko Daymon
43. OCCW - Jason Snow
44. PWZ - Housefly
45. JCF - Boogie Smallz

ROUND 6
46. JFC - Suicide/"The Prodigal Son" Ulysis Solian
47. PWZ - "The Model Citizen" Chandler Tsonda
48. OCCW - Steve Knox
49. WPW - Anarky
50. ULW - "The Fashion Plate" Marcus Price
51. UWL:WCFW - "The Original" Jeff Garvin
52. PSW - "The Muffin Man" Kin Hiroshi
53. JAMF - Jared "Daddy" Wells
54. AWA - Deacon

ROUND 7
55. AWA - Father Bruce Shanahan, aka Violence Jack
56. JAMF - Impulse
57. PSW - "The Final Fantasy" Seymour Almasy
58. UWL:WCFW - "Mr. Magnificent" Tom Adler
59. ULW - Olvir Arsvinnar
60. WPW - Troy Douglas
61. OCCW - Mittens T. Cat
62. PWZ - "The Crippler" Cameron Cruise
63. JCF - Richard Farnswirth

ROUND 8 TAG ROUND
64. JFC - Best Friends (Chip Friendly, Slambo the Clown)
65. PWZ - Crimson Calling/CHRONIC COLLIZION~! (Erik Black, Ivan Dalekchev)
66. OCCW - Legion of Dairy (cHEESE, eGGNOG)
67. WPW - Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (Saafir Muhammad, 187)
68. ULW - The Armed Forces (Battleship, Submarine)
69. UWL:WCFW - The Hollywood Wrecking Crew (Blaine Hollywood, Malik Anderson)
70. PSW - The Original Showstoppers ("The New American Stud" Brandon Mueller, "Fabulous" Frankie Fargo)
71. JAMF - Sensationally Perfect (Sensational Steven Shane, "The Perfect, Outsanding Superstar" Ken Cloverleaf)
72. AWA - Curious Logic (Dr. Curiosity, Logic)

ROUND 9 TAG ROUND
73. AWA - The Blue Rogues (Allan "The Codemaster" Speck, Coral Avalon)
74. JAMF - The Powers of the Apocalypse ("Good God" Kevin Powers, Apocalypse)
75. PSW - The All-Asian Alliance ("The Asian Wonder" Hida Yakamo, Yoshihiro Yamada)
76. UWL:WCFW - SKIPP'D~!
77. ULW - Sex and Violence (Brian Erikson, Kevin Koltrane)
78. WPW - Hellmachine (Calamity, "Big in Japan" Sean Toombs)
79. OCCW - The Winners of This Match (Mike Bear, The Flying Frenchie)
80. PWZ - New Day Rising (Tsunami, Wildstar)
81. JCF - D-T (Showtime, Proteus)

ROUND 10
82. JFC - The Boston Strangler
83. PWZ - "The White-Collar Assassin" Ravager
84. OCCW - Max Danger
85. WPW - "The Iceman" Steve Radder
86. ULW - Javid Dones
87. UWL:WCFW - "The Muppet Kid" Timmy Windham
87a. UWL:WCFW - The Showstoppers (Lincoln McKinley, Ryan Connors)
88. PSW - Larry Tact
89. JAMF - Fusenshoff
90. AWA - "Gold Patron Meritorious" Xavier Kannon

ROUND 11
91. AWA - "The Devil's Don" Angelo Deville
92. JAMF - "Daredevil" Mark Vizzack
93. PSW - D! (One letter, said real loud)
94. UWL:WCFW - SKIPP'D~!
95. ULW - Alex Wylde
96. WPW - Wink Martendale
97. OCCW - King Blueberry
98. PWZ - "Emo" Devin Shakur
99. JCF - MaX-Files

ROUND 12
100. JFC - Kevin Kassidy Kenwright
101. PWZ - "The Eternal Flame" Jay Phoenix/Ember
102. OCCW - "The Red Raver" Aimz
103. WPW - Bloodhunt
104. ULW - Steel Viper
105. UWL:WCFW - Theresa Quaranta
105a. UWL:WCFW - Castor Strife
106. PSW - Professor Tremendous
107. JAMF - Christian Sands
108. AWA - Kellen Kinkade

ROUND 13
109. AWA - The Illustrious Face-Eater/Adam Dick
110. JAMF - Mr. Entertainment
111. PSW - "The Underground Pimp" Tyler Rayne
112. UWL:WCFW - SKIPP'D~!
113. ULW - "The Polish Prince" Rik Ryconik
114. WPW - Winston Steele
115. OCCW - Desade
116. PWZ - "The Bad Dog" Wade Elliot
116a. UWL:WCFW - Pat Black
117. JCF - "Extremely Bisexual" Beau Michaels

ROUND 14
118. JFC - Dam Skippy
119. PWZ - "The One Man Mafia" Maggot
120. OCCW - LLB
121. WPW - Flic Rair
122. ULW - "Marvelous" Mike Chain
123. UWL:WCFW - SKIPP'D~!
124. PSW - Prisoner #187
125. JAMF - Cross
126. AWA - "Irish" Danny Ferguson

ROUND 15
127. AWA - Sars the Clown/Calypso
128. JAMF - Black Devil Death Mastr
129. PSW - "The Renegade" Rich Rollins
130. UWL:WCFW - SKIPP'D~!
131. ULW - IrishRed
132. WPW - The First
133. OCCW - Sharc
134. PWZ - Andrew F'n Gilkison
135. JCF - Ninja K

ROUND 16
136. JFC - Mercedes Devon
137. PWZ - James Irish
138. OCCW - Dr. Sillaconne M. Plantes
139. WPW - Krow
140. ULW - DJ Havok
141. UWL:WCFW - Lord Collyer Pollard
141a. UWL:WCFW - The Mighty Impala
142b. UWL:WCFW - POWERMASTER~!
142. PSW - Freakfish
143. JAMF - "Phenomenal" Frankie Scott
144. AWA - "The Malice Man" Duke Williams

 

[Nova]

AWA First Round Pick

(FADEIN: The HYPERSPACE KID approaches a podium adorned in a placard with "AWA" superimposed over an image of the "Milky Way" galaxy. He's dressed in a black, purple-striped seersucker suit, and his 'fro looms defiantly above a purple headband. The anxious crowd bathes him in camera flashes.)

HYPERSPACE KID: "What the AWA is searching for are the people who are searching...the misfits, the mystics, the addicts and transients, the independent variables who get high, look up into the sky, and can't help but wonder WHY.

"With the first overall pick in the 2009 FW Draft, the Astral Wrestling Alliance selects, from all of Wrestling Creation..."The Wolf" Mike Randalls."

(FADEOUT.)

 

[TSiegel]

Re: AWA First Round Pick

(The Dangle Brothers both strut as they approach the podium)

DB: With the Second overall pick in the 2009 FW Draft, the J.A.M.F. organization selects "Queen Of The Ring" Lindsay Troy.

Now if you'll excuse us...we need to find the bar.

 

[TH]

Re: AWA First Round Pick

Cheezburger Cat: o hai! wif mah first picks, I can has "Ego Buster" Dan Ryan plz?

 

[jediPREZ]

(CUTTO: A man in ninja garb steps up to the podium...)

THE GREAT KABUKI: UWL: WCFW selects...TROY WINDHAM.

(FADEOUT on nunchuks demonstration...)

 

[The Great Eye]

(Self aggrandizing scumbag leader of the Whale Wars crew shambles to the podium.)

SASLotWWC: We select Joe the Plumber.

 

[LQJT86C]

(CUTTO: A naked DAVID LETTERMAN choking WILLOW PALIN from behind with a towel in front of a WPW banner)

LETTERMAN: Choke b*tch, CHOKE!

PALIN: Nooo! But I'm only 14!

LETTERMAN: FOURTEEN? I thought you were ELEVEN? Damn, Dirty DL got ripped off! Now make your pick, slut!

PALIN: ERRRGGHH!!!! Willow Palin Wrestling chooses...(choke)...NOVA!

LETTERMAN: Heeeeyyyy, top 10 reasons to draft Nova!

 

[fugginVOSS]

(The screen begins to whir random number and letters on the old Amstrad PC when finally TNM7 has made it's selection.)

TNM7: Oli-ver... Copp... Cham-pi-on-ship... Wrest-ling... sel-ect... DOS QUIS!

(Powers goes out.)

 

[CuseTroy]

[A ZOMBIE staggers onto the stage in, well, a rather zombie-like manner and clears his throat.]

MITCH: BRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIINSSSSSS...

HORNET

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIINSSSSSSSSSSS.

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

Chip Christ descends from the heavens and floats to the podium.

C-Christ: "Bless you, children, for you have SINNED!!"

Crickets.

C-Christ: "Ahem... With the laaaaaaaaaast and FINAL pick of the first round and the fiiiiiiirst and INITIAL pick of round number two, the JFC calls MICHAEL MANSON and 'SUPERSTAR' VINCE JACOBS to serve the good Lord. Hallelujah!"

 

[CuseTroy]

[Mitch the Zombie returns to the podium in his tattered suit.]

MITCH:UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH...

EDDIE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAYFIELD

 

[fugginVOSS]

[The Amstrad begins to whir and and rattle, this time it hisses and the screen turns pink.]

TNM7: Oli-ver... Copp... Cham-pi-on-ship... Wrest-ling... sel-ect... SHAWN JESSICA HART!

[Powers down with the sound of fairy dust twinkling in your ear.]

 

[LQJT86C]

(CUTTO: DAVID LETTERMAN from the waist up, looking down)

LETTERMAN: And the NUMBER ONE reason to suck on my ballsack....(drum roll)......using gray hairs plucked from wrinkled senior citizen sack and using it to floss with has been proven to prevent GINGIVITIS! As for Willow's pick...she's a little busy right now getting me my ice cubes, but her mom Sarah would be HAPPY to make the pick.

(Sarah Palin emerges up into view)

SARAH: For Willow's second pick, she chooses...

(Letterman forces her head back down)

LETTERMAN: It's SHANE SOUTHERN...NOW GET DOWN THERE! And tell Todd to watch the teeth! And where's your daughter with my reach around! I meant, of course, the 18 year old... (wink wink)...Unlike Shane's finisher, this party is most definitely NOT OVER!

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The ship from Whale Wars, the crew is running around screaming)

SASLotWWC: The Japanese are shooting at us! I can't understand how a simple act of eco-terrorism could get such a negative reaction from people, we're merely trashing centuries of Japanese culture with our own sense of moral superiority...

Enough about all that, we're taking "Triple X" Sean Stevens.

(Bullets fly past, the SASLotWWC dives to the ground.)

 

[jediPREZ]

(FADEIN: THE GREAT KABUKI sitting in his locker room opium den...)

KABUKI: "UWL: WCFW takes the man that nearly destroyed my homeland...FELIX RED."

 

[TH]

(CUT TO: Cheezburger Cat eating a cheezburger)

CC: *nomnomnomnom* o hai! I'z take a brake from nommin' on mah fuds to makes mah next picks! I can has Eli Flair, plz? Back to nommin'! *nomnomnomnom*

 

[TSiegel]

(CUTTO: The Dangle Brothers bowling as one of 'em fires a strike.)

That's three in a row, ya dirty BITCH!!! That's almost as cool as when I thought that 'Playboy' EDDY LOVE would make all them kids shut there mouths!!! WOOOOOO!!!

 

[Nova]

AWA Second and Third Round Picks

(CUTTO: HYPERSPACE KID returning to the podium. He nods to someone off-camera, and smoke begins spraying from machines behind the curtain as the galaxy backdrop resumes swirling.)

HYPERSPACE KID: "The anchor has been cast, Funkateers, but the task of filling the Astral Plane with celestial bodies has only BEGUN! The Astral Wrestling Alliance uses it's second pick to summon a man with the soul of a wanderer, a missionary for truth...and a REALLY F*CKED UP human being...

...Lowell Dot Com!"

(The KID claps his hands and waits for the din to quiet. However, before he can open his mouth to continue a sweaty, excited aide waddles on-stage and whispers something in his ear. The KID's eyes grow wide and he crumples the piece of paper in front of him.)

HYPERSPACE KID: "They didn't get him yet? *AHEM* With its third pick, AWA chooses...'Cocky' Craig Miles!"

(FADEOUT to commotion in the crowd.)

 

[TSiegel]

Re: AWA Second and Third Round Picks

(CUT BACK TO: Dangle Brothers...)

Every Badass needs a Crazy Son Of A B*tch in his corner. For example:

"The Lost Soul" Mark Windham

 

[TH]

Re: AWA Second and Third Round Picks

CC: o hai! I'z dun nommin' fer nao. I can has Joey Melton, plz?