JA vs. Sebastian Dodd vs. Jonathan Marx

[JABolich]

For the EPW Intercontinental Championship:
JA (C) vs. Sebastian Dodd vs. Jonathan Marx

JA shocked the world at Aggression by defeating Jonathan Marx for the Intercontinental Championship, albeit with help from an errant chairshot. The new champion has been thrown into the fire immediately with this three-way defense. Can JA stand the heat? Will Marx redeem himself? Or will Dodd show the world what he's made of?

 

[yourhero]

[Fade in:
Denver, Colorado...
Sebastian Dodd has arrived at the airport and is waiting for his car to arrive. He slides his luggage to his side, and spots the camera crew he'd requested. Dodd waves them over, and begins...]

Dodd
"You're welcome JA.

My apologies Marx.

Boys, I'd like to welcome you to PPV, to the big show...to MY coronation. This is the moment that I've been waiting for since I showed up in EPW. I've been waiting for MY shot at the gold. I've worked my @ss off since I showed up here, putting each and every person set in front of me down. WrestleVerse will be no different.

See, Sebastian Dodd has said since DAY ONE of walking into EPW that I'm the best that this, or ANY company has to offer, I've waited for my opportunity to be able to thumb my nose at the world and say "F*ck you...I told you so."

See, Sebastian Dodd, a man who has not been pinned, has never submitted in EPW...well, all of a sudden he's got a little chip on his shoulder. I've never demanded the respect of the locker room, or the fans, I've always expected that it'd come to be because I EARNED it. But here I am looking at people walking in off the street, JA, Boogie Smallz, ranked AHEAD of Sebastian Dodd in some recent dirt sheet rankings! I'm looking at a guy who got HANDED a f*cking belt. A guy who has a SHOT at a belt, and they are AHEAD of ME!?!?! You've got to be f*cking kidding me. I never really needed any extra inspiration to win this match, the belt was enough...hell, beating the hell out of JA would be enough. But you know what...seeing that I'm not getting the recogntion I DESERVE. I'm going to start having to make sure that I DO get it. And while whether John Q. Public knows that I'm the best that this business has or not, isn't going to change whether I am or not...I still intend to forcefeed it to him that, in fact, I AM.


Some people haven't had to actually come in here and do anything except draw attention to themselves by acting like a general nuisance, messing up people's names, and generally trying to steal attention from the people who deserve it. See, there's an old saying that the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Well, I'll give you all the credit in the world JA, because you're IC Champion without ever having earned it. You lost a Battle Royal to me...and you still got a shot. And then...in your big match against Marx. Seb Dodd did the work for you.

*I* on the other hand, had to EARN my spot into this matchup. I had to actually go out and WIN that Royal Rumble. And WrestleVerse will be no different. See, I don't put alot of stock in the past, I've said it over, and over, and over again. But every once in awhile, there's a trend...an undeniable phenomenon that rings true past, present, and future. And in this case, that phenomenon is Sebastian Dodd winning...over, and over, and over again. This matchup will be NO different. I will EARN my spot as the Intercontinental Champion. And I don't think that there's a damn thing that either you...or John Marx can do about it."

[Dodd looks at the camera glaring at it, as if he's staring directly at his opponents.]

Dodd
"Boys, I've begged people for WEEKS and WEEKS to shut me up, to find a way to put me down and prove that I'm not the best in the World. And the only time anyone has even come CLOSE is by pinning an incompetent tag partner. So Marx, you've come the closest to shutting me up. You're the only guy in ALL of EPW who can claim that he came into a match with me and walked out with his hand raised.

But now you've got to prove you can do it without Beast.

And JA's got to prove that he's no fluke, even though he got a free IC Title shot, and the belt handed to him on a silver platter, or at the very least a steel chair...

And me...

Well, I've got to prove what I've been saying all along. I've got to prove that I'm not just talk. And it's going to happen at the expense of Johnathan Marx, and JA. Now, I fully expect that I'm going to see a reasonable segment from Marx, and a segment from JA where he calls me stupid names and tells me that I talk too much, and how he expects that almost as soon as he's done talking, I'll break into a promo...

And you know what...

He's somewhat right. Maybe I do talk too much. Maybe I do have a promo out almost as soon as I see one of his...

But idiocy usually drives me to quick and striking response. And this week, leading into WrestleVerse will be no different. I WILL promote the f*ck out of this match, and I WILL win this match, and I WILL leave WrestleVerse as the EPW Intercontinental Champion.

And JA, Marx, if you think that you can stop me...by all means try. But let me warn you now, it ain't gonna happen. This IS my next step to glory, this IS my opportunity that I'VE fought for, I've EARNED, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let either one of you two keep me from it...

[Fade.]

 

[PaulNJ21]

Bridge Over Troubled Water


::Jonathan Marx is standing pool side in a white Gucci dress shirt and pair off black dress pants pacing back and forth, Marx stops and addresses the camera::

JONATHAN MARX: Jay, the part that irritates me the most about losing the Intercontinental title is that for a moment, just a moment, I wasn’t sure if I was the better man in our match and I would have liked to find out for myself. You are a hell of a wrestler Jay, probably the best I have faced in Empire with the only possible exception of Christian Sands. But we didn’t decide a damned thing…

That is why I decided to sell my soul for a favor to Mister Ryan in order to get MY TITLE back. Before we go any further, I know what I have gotten myself into and it isn’t a decision that I made in the heat of the moment, that title means the world to me and I decided that I will do ANYTHING it takes to get it back.

As much as Dodd wants me to be, I am not angry at you Jay. You didn’t take that title away from me… it was the almighty hand of Dodd who wrapped that steel chair around my head knocking me senseless “accidentally” and we know what Sigmund Freud, THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS! He simply chose to face YOU instead of ME because as your rival, he wanted to develop your legacy before he took great joy in slowly and meticulously destroying it.

You see, we are both pawns in Dodd’s game, he wants me to unleash my anger against you in order to do his bidding. He wants me to stretch you six ways to Sunday in order to make sure you don’t walk out as the champ while he bides his time for a chance to catch me by surprise…. THAT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN DODD! I HAVE BEEN IN THIS DAMN LEAGUE SINCE DAY ONE WHEN HALF THESE PEOPLE WEREN’T AROUND AND I BUSTED MY ASS TO BECOME CHAMPION, I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU WALK IN OFF THE STREET AND SCREW UP EVERYTHING I WORKED TO ACHIEVE! I DIDN’T ASK TO BE IN YOUR GOD DAMN FEUD WITH JAY!

*ahem* :takes a second to compose himself::

Dodd, I have beaten you once, but I am going to take great pleasure in beating you again…. SLOWLY and PAINFULLY as I strap the Marxism on you to make sure that you don’t walk out as champion. I am going to make you suffer like I suffered on the road to winning the Intercontinental Title and hopefully Jay and I can finally have the battle that we deserved to have to determine who was the better man. Dodd, the old school revolution is coming for you and I’ll show you who the God of wrestling really is.

FTB

 

[TH]

Making things right

As Barf from Spaceballs would say, "Nice dissolve" as we go from JA's locker room to looking at a live crowd shot from the Pepsi Center, home of the Denver Nuggets, would-be home of the locked out Colorado Avalanche and the site of Empire Pro's big pay-per-view event, Wrestleverse I. The crowd is amped for the event to start as they just watched a dark match between Jobby O'Jobbington and Cletus McEnhancementtalentford. Suddenly, "Eat the Rich" hits on the PA and the crowd goes absolutely bonkers. JA comes out, Intercontinental Championship slung over his shoulder, slapping hands and kissing babies on his way out. He slides into the ring and pops right back up, smiling at the crowd as he does. He goes over to the announcer side of the ring and asks Tony Fatora for a microphone. Fatora obliges and JA taps it to test it. He puts the mic to his mouth.

JA: Helloooooooooooooooooooo Denver!

Crowd cheers.

JA: You know, I really should be on a Rocky Mountain High right about now, considering I have this shiny title on my shoulder right here. If diamonds are a gal's best friend, then gold is an Anglo Luchador's. I should be tickled pink right about now like I was tickling pink as I was in Vegas.

Crowd pops for the sexual reference.

JA: I knew you guys would like that one. But seriously, I have to feel like, I don't know, maybe I didn't earn this title. I mean, you guys all watched on TV that myself and Jonny Marx tore the MGM Grand down with a display of pure, unmitigated wrestling. That match should have ended clean. It should have ended with one of us tapping out, or with one of our pairs of shoulders pinned to the mat for the three. Sadly, that was not the case.

As you may or may not know, Salacious Dumb, the hero of Kenny Lombardo, had to come in and rain on our parade.

Crowd boos.

JA: My thoughts exactly. Like the little self-important jackass that he is, he had to come in and make sure that he had his little mark on the match, because he thinks he's God, and Dodd forbid, he didn't stick his nose into business where it didn't belong so he could hold something over my head. Irregardless of all of that, the end result was me being crowned the Intercontinental Championship.

But it felt kinda empty, and I was moping around all week, with this sort of prize that I didn't feel I deserved. But then something happened. My cellphone rang, and it wasn't Lumberg, nor was it Ophelia, nor was it Strong Dean. No, it was Denver's favorite adopted son, Woody Paige.

Crowd goes bananas at the mention of the Woodman.

JA: That's right, Woody Paige called me up from his pad in NYC and he had a few choice words for me. You don't believe me?

JA pulls out his cellphone and punches in the code for his voicemail.

JA: Just listen!

JA puts the phone up to the microphone and the words of Woody Paige dissemenate.

JA, you know what? I don't know why you're feeling so down, you went in there and you kicked Jonathan Marx's butt. You would have had that title anyway. So what if some jabroni came in there and decided to interfere? All you have to do is go out and prove that you can beat both Marx and that jabroni, just like John Elway went out and proved that he could win the Super Bowl.

JA: And you know what? That's just what I plan on doing!

Crowd pops again.

JA: Now, onto the competitors themselves...

In a way Jonny Castro, I feel bad. No one should have to lose a title like that, especially when the guy who cost you that title is a little more annoying than fingernails on the chalkboard while you're getting unanaesthized root canal from Fran Drescher. You shouldn't have had to sell your soul, because frankly, you deserve to be in this match as much as I or Kenny Lombardo's Hero does, and yes, the feeling is mutual when you talk about me being your toughest opponent. I haven't been challenged like I was last week in months.

But enough with the pleasantries and the niceties and the toiletries and all the other trees in the forest here. The fact of the matter is, Jonny Boy, I took you to your limits, just like I said I would. At the very least, I am as good as advertised. But now, it's time to prove something more. On the stage of pay-per-view, the most important stage in all of wrestling, and on probably the biggest stage in the company all year, seeing that only the most important events get Roman numeral treatment, it's time to prove that I'm better than advertised. If that means I've gotta beat both you and the Dudd, then I will. No bones about it. I'm gonna imprint it on everyone's brain that I don't need no steekin' badges, or a Napoleanic douche sipper with a God complex swinging a chair, to prove that I deserve this title.

And speaking of Napoleanic douche sippers with God complexes who swing chairs, hi Sebulba Dawn!

More boos.

JA: I'm glad you actually decided to come right to the arena this week instead of scurrying back to your little pad in the Big Apple. I mean, because after I kick your ass, I don't wanna hear any excuses about how you're still the better man but lost because of jet lag.

See, I'm not a fan of excuses, as you probably forgot from the first time we met because you've got your head stuck so far up your own ass that you don't have to feel your wrist to take your pulse, you can just watch your heart in person.

But that's all besides the point anyway. I hear that you're generally assuming that I should thank you for having won the Intercontinental Championship. Let me ask you a question, should I offer up the fatted calf for you too, or maybe my first born? Maybe you should send your angels to give me a sign here.

Well, if you're waiting for a "thank you" or assume that I should feel grateful to you, I mean that's only where I think you're going by telling me "you're welcome," then you have another thing coming.

I have nothing to be thankful to you for. See, because I didn't ask you to stick your stupid nose into my business, nor did I want to. So what you can do is, you can take that "you're welcome..."

Pause

JA: ...and shove it up your ass!

Pop!

JA: I did not come here to Denver to be told that I don't belong, especially by a ridiculous, excuse-making twit like yourself. You come in and cry that you deserved the Intercontinental Title shot before I got mine because you eliminated me in the Battle Royale. You cry because Boogie Smallz and myself were ranked ahead of you in some silly internet Top Ten list. In fact, you're probably sore because you got sand in your vagina down the Jersey Shore and haven't been able to get it out yet. Wah, wah wah wah wah.

Well, do you know why I got my title shot before you did? Because I didn't sit around and cry about how the front office was mistreating me. I went out and eliminated a bunch of men in that battle royale. I beat John Doe, one, two, three in the middle of the ring. I backed up my words with action. You want to know why I'm ranked ahead of you? Instead of moping around, I got up off my ass and entertained the folks in the arena AT the arena, not with snoozefests from the comfort of my drab little appartment. I grabbed the bull by the horns.

And what have you done, aside from annoy the living crap out of everyone here? Nag nag nag nag nag nag nag... well, the nagging is going to be over, as well as your little undefeated streak. Because you know, you can only go up against the Kin Hiroshis of the world so much before you're forced to prove your mettle against the best. Granted, you threw me out of the ring once, and that was the desired objective, but can you ward off Jonny Marx and myself at the same time? I don't think you can.

Come Wrestleverse, I'm gonna prove that I am indeed worthy of being the Intercontinental Champion. And believe me Denver, we gon party when that happens. We're gonna have champagne and steak and oysters. My treat.

And for the losers, well Salmacis Drool and Jonny Franco, I'll be sure to let you have a few Rocky Mountain Oysters to chew on after it's all said and done.

JA throws the mic down and "Eat the Rich" hits on the PA again. JA exits the ring as the screen fades to the Empire logo.

 

[PaulNJ21]

::Jonathan Marx is sitting in the cabin of his private plane watching the latest promo from J.A. while his Jacobs is leaning back in his chair reading an old Booster Gold comic::

JONATHAN MARX: Woody Paige does make a remarkable point, Jay does remind me of John Elway.

BRANDON JACOBS: How so?

JONATHAN MARX: If Jay didn’t have his Terrell Davis in Dodd, he could have walked out of that match with tail between his legs as a loser just like John Elway did when he lost all of those other Superbowls.

BRANDON JACOBS: Jesus Christ, are you trying to get us killed in Denver?

JONATHAN MARX: I respect Mister Acid Reflux, but he was no Joe Montana. This match is going to get ugly, real ugly.

BRANDON JACOBS: Boogie Smallz ugly?

JONATHAN MARX: Even worse than that, because Dodd has gotten on my nerves. He whines like a woman on and on and on. People don’t boo him because he has done something dastardly, they boo him because he is annoying and they want him to go away. He was even complaining that the current GXW World Heavyweight Champion was ranked ahead of him.

BRANDON JACOBS: Dodd certainly doesn’t lack self confidence.

JONATHAN MARX: Pride is the downfall of humanity. Whenever we start to think too highly of ourselves, something comes and knocks us down a peg. Here I am a Princeton graduate who is in the Ultratitle hunt in only my second year in the sport after facing legend after legend in order to secure my position as overall point leader in all of the NFW and here is Dodd proclaiming himself a god among men when he has proved nothing to get where he is today and I am the one who has to weasel his way into the match after he cost me my title.

BRANDON JACOBS: Those are the breaks sometimes… Didn’t you have some sort of automatic rematch clause in your contract?

JONATHAN MARX: Apparently not, the Empire legal team of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe said I didn’t. But I am in the match and that is what matters… I am going to get my revenge and take my title back no matter what it takes.

BRANDON JACOBS: No matter what it takes? What do you have planned?

JONATHAN MARX: That is a secret I plan to keep until bell time. Facing two men at one time is an uphill battle already on its own, but lets see if the Almighty Dodd is capable of outsmart a mere mortal.

FTB

 

[yourhero]

[Fade in:
Denver, Colorado
Sebastian Dodd is in his hotel room, unpacking some things. He's dressed in his usual non-wrestling attire of jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan, in this case "Swing and a Miss." He loads some clothing into a nearby drawer, closes it, turns, and begins.]

Dodd
"Let me get right to it...

You're darn f*ckin' right John. Yep, I complained that Boogie Smallz is ahead of me in an Empire Pro ranking list. GXW World Champ. GREAT. I don't see what GXW has to do with EPW, or what NFW has do with it either. See you and JA love to throw around the fact that you're in this place and that and you've done this here and there...and others are great because they were great somewhere else.

You know what, Kin Hiroshi came in here with a world of hoopla too, and he's done a total of jack and sh!t in EPW. So I don't care what anyone has done anywhere that's not EPW. Which is exactly why John, I didn't care that you were ahead of me. You've done enough here to solidify your spot where you are, and until I forcibly take that spot from you, I don't deserve it. But neither do Boogie or JA. You do.

There is a problem with those last several promotional segments boys, you two seem to think something that isn't true. See, when I said that JA would call me stupid names and annoying...well, I was flat out right. When I said that you'd come out here Marx and cut some coherent promos, I was right again.

But JA thinking that I expect him to thank me, and you saying that I want you pissed off at JA, that couldn't be further from the truth. I don't expect JA to be thankful for anything, he's been handed everything he's gotten here in EPW since day one, a spot in a battle royal that he didn't earn, an IC Title shot that he FAILED to earn, and an IC Title that Sebastian Dodd inadvertantly giftwrapped for him. No JA, I handed you a you're welcome, because you SHOULD be thankful, but I don't EXPECT you to be.

And John, I don't EXPECT you to be angry at JA. It's not his fault you got hit...

Oh wait...wait...wait...it IS his fault you got hit. Take a look at the footage Johnny."

[Dodd clicks on the TV and plays some footage from Aggression...

MN: REF BUMP!!!

DT: Oh my! Jonathan Marx's leg caught referee Gomez in the face as he came down, and the official is out!

DM: This doesn't look good...

DT: Both Marx and JA coming to their feet... Wait a minute, Dodd grabbing that steel chair from ringside! He's sliding into the ring... WALKING TOWARDS JA!!!

DM: Oh snap! He's protecting his investment!

DT: Dodd SWINGS - NO, JA PULLS MARX IN FRONT OF HIM!!! MARX TAKES THE CHAIR IN THE FACE!!!

MN: DID YOU HEAR THAT CRACK?!?! DODD DECKED HIM!!!

DM: DAG!!!

DT: Dodd is dumbfounded! He hit the wrong guy! Swings at JA - JA ducks and SHOVES Dodd over the ropes! Marx is OUT - but JA puts icing on it! Springs off the ropes! LIONSAULT connects!]

Dodd
"Should I have been in that ring? Nope. But for once in my EPW career, I let emotions get the best of me. Doc Freud is wrong Marx, this WAS an accident. I can't stand JA, I can't stand the fact that he's been HANDED things since day one, doesn't appreciate a single one of them, and acts like he's hot sh!t...when he's not. And in feeling like that, in trying to take something from him that shouldn't have been his in the first place...I handed him something else. It's a harsh lesson that I learned, that you shouldn't have had to...

But before you go absolving JA of the blame, look at the footage. Notice that when I got in that ring, he PULLED you in front of the chair. He made you take the shot intended for him. AND John, more importantly, you might be thinking that was his only way out. But NO, see, I took another swing, he ducked, and pushed me out of the ring...

Why didn't he do that first?

Why did he pull you in front, then later, duck?

Maybe that's a question you should be asking.

Because John, I think we both know the answer. JA was taking the easy way out again. And he could just blame me afterwards. The difference is John, I sincerely do apologize for my mistake. I'd much rather face you on the field of battle...than have JA in another match he doesn't belong in.

Think about it John, and I think that you'll find the same conclusion I did. Sebastian Dodd was wrong...but so was JA."

[Dodd leans back looking like he's deep in thought.]

Dodd
"I was just giving you a second to digest that. Now let me move on. See, you two can talk all you want about Sebastian Dodd being annoying. Marx, if I rub you the wrong way, so be it, that's your opinion, and you're entitled to it. But JA, messing up names, just firing off random off the wall insults, well, it seems to me that calling me annoying is most certainly the proverbial pot calling the kettle black.

And JA, you've got it all worng by the way, I never said I should have gotten my IC Title shot FIRST. You shouldn't have gotten one at all. I don't recall the stipulation of the Royal Rumble being winner gets an IC Title shot at WrestleVerse, and second place gets one for trying hard. You eliminated a bunch of guys in the Royal Rumble...that's great, the problem is JA, that you didn't eliminate ME. Your finisher didn't take enough out of me for you to throw me over the top. But I did have enough to dump you. And as for the "snoozefests" out of my drab little apartment, you have my humble apologies for not needing a bunch of mindless "cheer when the applause sign says so" zombies to try to make my interviews exciting. Personally, I don't care if this segment is particularly EXCITING. That's not my job. My job is to promote the match in the way I see fit...and then go to the ring, and whoop the hell out of both you, and John Marx.

I'm TIRED of you being handed things JA, and unfortunately I unwittingly handed you one myself. That is something I plan to correct at WrestleVerse, by TAKING that title from you and putting it where it rightfully belongs, not around the waist of John Marx, but around the waist of Sebastian Dodd. And while you don't seem to think that I can handle you and John Marx at the same time, I RELISH the opportunity. Because *I*, unlike you, actually like to prove myself. I love the fact that I've got a shot to face the current and former IC Champion in one night to claim my rightful spot. And I WILL do that JA, I WILL do that Marx. I'm going to be JUST ABOUT done with you for now though JA, I've got a bone to pick with John Marx."

[Dodd steps back and gathers his thoughts.]

Dodd
"I have a REAL f*cking problem John with your statement that I haven't done a thing to earn the spot where *I* am. BULLSH!T. I worked my @ss off from day one in this company. I've made an impact in every match that I've been in, and I've faced every challenge put in my path. So if you want to fling around that proved nothing to get where he is tag, make sure it hits the target, make sure it hits JA...because I have EARNED my spot, I EARNED this spot by winning never being pinned in EPW, I EARNED it by winning the Royal Rumble for this shot, and I EARNED it by eating, sleeping, breathing, and LIVING EPW while you and half the other sons of b!tches in this place are name dropping other promotions all day long. And I NEVER said you weaseled yourself into this match Marx, yo ushould be here. I blasted you with a chair and stole your title...a title you might still have if not for me, so you SHOULD be here.

But so should I.

And deep down you know it.

And you know that JA shouldn't.

And you know that he's as much at fault for you getting hit with that chair as I am. YOU SAW THAT FOOTAGE I PLAYED! YOU KNOW IT JOHN!

And you want to tell me that me being overconfidnet is going to put me in a position to be knocked down a peg...forget that John. I know I'm the best in the business, and I'm not going to apologize for, or try to hide that fact. And if you want to knock me down a peg, if you want to prove your point...

I'm going to tell you the same thing I've told everyone else.

DO IT!

I'm BEGGING you. If someone can prove to me that I'm not the best in this business, I want them to do it, because if I don't think, if I don't KNOW that I'm the best, I shouldn't be out here on TV...I shouldn't be at WrestleVerse, I shouldn't be in an EPW ring.

So if you two want me to shut up, to stop being "annoying" so badly. Then do what both of you, like everyone else, has failed to do so far. Make me eat my words. And if you can, then more power to you...because I'd LOVE to see it.

If you've got the ability boys...

PROVE IT.

Marx, you've proven yourself time and time again...I'm asking you to do it one more time if you've got the stuff.

And JA, I'm asking you to prove me wrong, and prove yourself in EPW...maybe for the first time."

[FADE.]

 

[TH]

What if it's the other way around?

We're back outside JA's locker room, where Kenny Lombardo is standing by with a microphone. He knocks on the door. The door slowly opens, JA answers, wearing his ring gear as well as a throwback Orange Crush John Elway jersey.

JA: Hey, Kenny Lombardo! Long time no see! How's things?

KL: Things is good, as they'd say in the old neighborhood. I see you're still in the Denver spirit here.

JA: Yep, that I would be, and there's no better way to get into the spirit than to celebrate the man who brought Super Bowl titles to Denver, John Albert Elway.

KL: Well, some would say that it wasn't him, but Terrell Davis who brought those titles here.

JA: Oh... oh, I see where you're going with this, Kenzo. You're not only working for Spontaneous Dork, but you're a Communist agent as well.

KL: No, I'm just...

JA: I'm onto you, Lombardo, if that is your real name. Or should I call you, Comrade Kenny?

KL: No, it's....

JA: Irregardless, when I heard Jonny Marx say those things, those blasphemous things, well, I was like, Oh no you didn't! snaps fingers like a stereotypical hyperactive black woman You didn't go there, mister! But then I realized it, and he did go there. And now, I was like OH SNAP~! It's on like spawn, *****.

You see, Jonny Redcoat, I have a different perspective on things. The question wasn't "Could John Elway win the Super Bowl without Terrell Davis?" No, the question is, "Could Terrell Davis win the Super Bowl without John Elway?" Sadly, we didn't get to find the answer to that question as Davis, who had one of the game's all time great peaks, tore up both his knees after Elway retired. But football... well, that's a team sport.

Wrestling, Jonny Hammersickle, isn't. And believe you me, if football weren't a team sport, John Elway would have won five Super Bowls. He had the heart of a champion, and the way he took those undermanned Broncos teams to the title game, most of the time, all by himself, showed that he was an all-time great. But at times, he was held back simply because the 49ers or the Redskins had better all around teams. Can't fault Elway for the defense playing like a seive, can we? But his leadership, his tenacity, they brought titles. Tell me Vinny Testaverde or some other limp-armed stiff could have led those Bronco teams all the way. If you do, I will laugh in your face.

And much like you are much too soft, and Sequestered Dump is a limp-wristed stiff, you don't have the qualities to carry this ttle any further over me. I am the John Elway of Empire Pro Wrestling. And much like Johnny Elway, I make the Orange Crush look goooooood, wheeyow!

KL: What about....

JA: Your hero there, Kenny?

KL: Well, he's not my hero per....

JA: Oh don't be shy. You have a mancrush on Droid, don't you? I mean, it's okay, you're not the only one. He seems to be fully in love with himself anyway.

But you know, Dodd forbid he gives anyone but himself credit here, but we knew that already. Jeez, Dood, why don't you just skip this match and crash the Bong Party Boogie Smallz is throwing in the main event with Beast Ice and Olde English 800?

That's right, I forgot, they'd laugh you out of the ring, and then Limeykins would probably give you a swirly. Still, you'd be in denial about that. Which is expected, just as expected as you and your John Kerryesque flip-floppage. I mean, first you go about whining about "recognition you deserve" bbecause I got my shot before you, but then you go and say "oh I wasn't whining about that, no, I was just stating something, hurrrrr" and then you go and ***** again. I mean, which is it?

Do you want to have it both ways? ***** and whine when you feel you're getting held down, but when you get called on it, retract and infer that you're a man of action like Buddy Lee? As they say on teh streets, nah kid, nah.

But once again, adn I'm starting to sound like a broken record, which coincidentally, is what you always sound like, I prove that I am a man of action by taking what I want. That's why I will walk out of Wrestleverse as the Intercontinental Champion.

I mean, even from that clip you showed, from when you interjected yourself unwantedly, it showed why I am, and always will be better than you. I used cunning to get out of a situation where I'd be in line to get concussion number three in my infamous career. Granted, I got a result that I wasn't totally proud of, but that's why I'm here this week, and that's why you're here, and that's why Captain Communist is here. And that's why you prattering on about how I'm "handed" things is complete and utter horsebleep. You only partially handed me the title. I still outsmarted you, which is about as challenging as weighing less than Yokozuna, but I digress. Let's not kid ourselves here. You meant to hit me with that chair, and since you didn't, you have yourself a convenient excuse. But hey, at least it's one that sounds good, just like every one of your trendy soundbites.

I mean, go ahead, crow about how you're so right about me coming out and calling you silly names, because Dodd forbid we actually entertain people. In fact, I'm gonna whip otu a whole list of silly names for you that I made up in the last fifteen minutes.

*ahem*

Santucci Dredd
Selenium Drudge
Sagarin Dlebb
Smerconish Dard
Sylvania Dudd
Spontaneous Dump
Sil...

KL: We don't have all day.

JA: Ah jeez Kenny, stop sticking up for your hero.

KL: But...

JA: No buts. Seriously though, Dodd, I'm glad that you're at peace with the fact that you're not entertaining, not exciting. Because you've just waved your white flag. In this business, if you're not exciting, odds are, you're not creative, inside the rign or out. And that means you're predictable. In a battle royale, that can get you places just otu of sheer chaos. In matches against Muffin Men who decide not to show up to work, it's not that bad a strategy. But in the big time, it's not worth a damn. Just ask the Kansas City Chiefs last year.

Dodd, you are decidedly and admittedly not ready for prime time. Marx, you're proving yourself softer and softer by the day. If you're easily rattled by this idiot and his ramblings, I'd hate to see it when I really nail you with a big move.

Frankly, both of you are about to see the John Elway of Empire Pro bust out, and Terrell Davis or no Terrell Davis, I'm making sure I'm walking out of this city a mile high in the air with gold affixed around my waist.

KL: One last question... what about Priest?

JA: Yeah? What about him?

KL: Well, he had some interesting things to say earlier.

JA: Honestly Kenny, I don't wanna talk about him right now.

JA retracts into his locker room and slams the door shut. Kenny sighs and walks away as the scene fades to the Empire logo.

 

[yourhero]

[Fade in:
Denver, Colorado
Does it really matter where we are? Does some flashy locale a promo make? Nah. But anyway, we're at the hotel bar in Denver, Sebastian Dodd is sitting at said bar waiting for a camera crew to arrive, he's wearing his usual non-wrestling attire of sneakers, jeans and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan, in this case "clean the wax out of your ears." Dodd is kicking back enjoying a cocktail as the someone alerts him to the camera's presence.]

Dodd
"Oh joy. I get my opportunity to respond to the latest segment from JA.

Joy of Joys.

Please, notice that I'm DRIPPING with sarcasm.

But I digress. God forbid we should actually LISTEN to a promo JA. I know it's hard for you, since you're busy sitting there coming up with any two names that happen to start with S and D...oh, how f*cking clever. You know what might ACTUALLY entertain the people? How about a coherent and intelligent response instead of picking out certain parts of a soundbite, and calling me Sparkling Dudd, or Sappy Dogbert.

Like when you said that I flip flopped like Kerry.

Heh, that would actually be funny were it true.

What I said in my first segment was that you didn't deserve a shot that you got.

Then you said that I b!tched that you got it first.

Then I said that I didn't do that at all, I b!tched that you got it at all. Much like I had said the first time...and yet, somehow you still took out of that, in spite of the fact that I'd twice said I didn't care that you got a shot before me, but that you got it period...somehow you got out of it that I'm upset you got it FIRST.

You like to complain that I repeat myself, that I sound like a broken record, perhaps JA, that's because it takes you three promos to actually comprehend what I've said, so it's NECESSARY to repeat it.

Now in case you STILL haven't gotten it. I'm not mad you got a shot before me, I'm unhappy that you got an IC Title shot PERIOD.

Oh, and by the way, as much as you like to claim that my promos are like a broken record, you might want to watch a few of your own, since every one seems to revolve around a not so clever name, and then calling me repetitive, which in itself would be, well, repetitive, which would make you...well, let's not go there again."

[Dodd finishes his drink and orders another.]

Dodd
"See the problem JA is this...while your promotional segments consist of yammering about names, and football, and general local sucking up...

They lack substance.

You can entertain by name calling all you want. You can be all flash, and no substance. What happens to people who fit that mold however is a most UNFORTUNATE proposition JA. They get exposed for what they are. Passing fads. And that's all you are. The fans will cheer you because they follow and love your paint by numbers routine of mocking names and general idiocy. And the public at large perhaps isn't intelligent enough to grasp the concept of a promotional segment that is anything more than cheap pops and catchphrases.

Perhaps that's why said public is more inclined to watch the idiotbox than read a book.

And perhaps that is their ONLY saving grace in my mind. Because their penchant for such mundane and unrewarding things is exactly what causes them to want to watch EPW. It's an escape from their drab little worlds. And if I have to be the man they boo because they don't grasp what I'm about. Then so f*cking be it. I don't care if I'm loved. All I care about is getting the respect, and recognition that I deserve. I LIVE for this business and this company. I don't live for those people.

Maybe you do. Maybe you CRAVE that adrenaline rush that comes from 20,000 people laughing at one of your idiotic gestures or sayings. But that cookie cutter sh!t will wear thin JA. And the people are going to realize that you're just a mediocre talent with some washed up catchphrases, and lame insults. You know, something that Sebastian Dodd realized the second you walked in the door. Of course, they won't follow me after that, and I don't expect them to. They'll follow the next big thing...and the one after that, and the one after that...

The problem is JA, that I'll be there throughout, doing what I do, getting in the ring, taking people down, out, and apart. It's what I've done since day one, and it's what I'll do until the day that this company's doors close...or I'm too old to do it anymore.

I'll give you credit though, you've stolen someone else's schtick, distanced yourself from the true meaning of your initials, and somehow managed to STILL be here. Hell, I'll give you even more credit...you don't only steal your former namesake's schtick, you've also managed to grasp onto that John Marx "Almighty Dodd" stuff. Lovely, hell, at least it's something new for you. So go, drop it 17 times a promo and squeeze the life out of it, like you have done with the S etc, D etc names. And honestly, I wouldn't expect much more from you anyway. You're a completely useless, unoriginal, idiotic nuisance. Luckily for me, and unfortunately for you, somewhere around 14 minutes and 50 some odd seconds of your 15 minutes of fame are up."

[Dodd stands, leaving a modestly handsome tip for the bartender...and heads towards the elevators.]

Dodd
"JA, you are welcome to claim that I'm bitter and that you HAVEN'T had things handed to you since day one...but we both know that's horsesh!t.

I had to go through Brown and Kincaid to end up in that Royal Rumble. You got in because you signed a contract.

I had to win that Rumble to get an IC Title shot...

You got it...because...well, I can't figure out exactly why you did...I guess because it was...HANDED to you?

And you are the Intercontinental Champion...because Sebastian Dodd hit John Marx with a chair...again, HANDED to you.

And you can say that you OUTSMARTED me by pulling Marx in front of you. Come on now, let's be realistic, pulling Marx in front didn't outsmart me, it was you taking the easy way out. It's not like it takes a genius to decide to throw someone in front of them to avoid being hit by an object. Had you kicked a chair in my face, or knocked it away from me and hit me with it, you might have an arguement. But you didn't...

And JA...you can talk all you want about being a man of action...so far the only action that you've REALLY had in EPW is the action of someone else giving, and you taking. You're a disgrace to this business. You make me embarrassed that we share the same profession. And you can talk all you want about how your promos are meant to entertain...the REAL fact of the matter is that you have nothing better to say.

You can't point to some dramatic loss on my record.

You can't point to a time when you outdid me in a match...and say you outdid me in the Rumble all you want...the fact of the matter is you hit me with YOUR finisher, and somehow YOU got tossed. Do the math on that one.

You can't point to anything that would remotely indicate that you're better than me in any way. And feel free to point to that Intercontinental Title, because without me...you probably wouldn't have that.

You CAN'T point to anything having to do with wrestling at all...because I haven't been pinned, I haven't submitted I haven't done anything remotely related to me personally losing within the confines of a BWA ring.

So as a result, your promos are meaningless drivel trying to cover the fact that you've got nothing intelligent that you can possibly direct at Sebastian Dodd that might indicate that you'd have any prayer of actually walking out of WrestleVerse the Champion.

You're a fraud JA.

And at WrestleVerse...Sebastian Dodd is going to expose that fact.

[Fade.]

 

[PaulNJ21]

::Marx is sitting in the stands with Jacobs at watching the most recent Broncos practice, Marx is watching the promo on his laptop while Jacobs is watching the field::

BRANDON JACOBS: Dodd is going off on Boogie Smallz again…. Is he secretly in this match?

JONATHAN MARX: I don’t think so, but I didn’t know Dodd was involved in my last match either so who am I to answer that question. Poor Boogie Smallz. Just because he is the son of Aunt Ester from Sanford & Son and the Elephant Man, that doesn’t mean you have the right to ridicule him in every promo that you do. While I agree with Dodd that I don’t know what Boogie Smallz did in Empire to get ranked in the top five, I applaud Empire’s effort to reward the mentally and physically retarded. That just shows how compassionate Empire management truly is. God bless Mister Ryan.

BRANDON JACOBS: God bless him indeed.

JONATHAN MARX: Jacobs, stop watching the practice for a second, Dodd is reshowing the key shot right here….

::Jacobs turns his head to watch::

JONATHAN MARX: Jay pulls me in front of him….. BAM! Back and to the left…. Let me rewind…. Back and to the left…. Bastards…. BASTARDS!

BRANDON JACOBS: Do you still think it was a conspiracy?

JONATHAN MARX: I don’t know, the timing was just perfect on everything. It was like magic. Dodd says he didn’t mean it and Jay feels guilty about how he won it. What if this was all a conspiracy to cost me title and those two are in cahoots?

BRANDON JACOBS: They have already had this long and involved feud. How could two men with so much hatred work together?

JONATHAN MARX: The Intercontinental Title is at stake, people do desperate things when there is gold involved. I don’t think they are, but I am not going to rule out anything and let myself get ambushed like last time. Jay still has my title and until I get it back, I have to be prepared for anything.

BRANDON JACOBS: There is one thing which makes me think they are working together, Dodd keeps on going on and on about Jay being an illegitimate champion. Why is Dodd going out of his way to point that out when beating Jay would make him an illegitimate champion even if Dodd earned his title shot?

JONATHAN MARX: That doesn’t make sense to me either, you are only as good as the champion you beat and while Jay has a world of talent, his win was tarnished because he didn’t beat me cleanly. Dodd has gone out of his way to point out how vastly superior to either of us, but if succeeds, he has to wear the albatross around his neck that his own actions has tarnished the title and by wearing it, he’d become a hypocrite and if he loses, he looks bad in the process because he got beat by someone less than credible. He loses either way.

BRANDON JACOBS: So basically Dodd is like Marvin Lewis when he knocked out Drew Bledsoe in order to start Tom Brady era.

JONATHAN MARX: Exactly, but this is one Drew Bledsoe who is going to knock Tom Brady back on his ass to take his belt back before he has a chance to make his run.

FTB

 

[TH]

Fact or Fiction

The scene once again is outside of JA's locker room. This time, we see JA, still dressed in the Orange Crush Elway jersey and matching Blue Broncos Lucha Mask holding a "JASPN" microphone. Next to him is Lollipop, who also has a "JASPN" microphone... as well as a very skimpy Denver Broncos cheerleader outfit.

Lolli: Welcome back to JASPN's RetortsCenter, and now it's time for a little game of Fact or Fiction, and standing by with me to play is the Anglo Lucahdor himself, JA.

JA: Thanks Lollipop. Let's do this.

Lolli: Alright, first one. Fact or fiction: JA is in cahoots with Sebastian Dodd in order to keep the Intercontinental Championship or to let him walk out of WrestleVerse with that same title aroudn his waist.

JA: That is totally and unequivocally fiction and I'll tell you why. Why would JA, a guy who's come in here and busted his ass in every single match he's been in, want or need the help of a second rate hack like Salami Dildo attain gold? And why would he want to let someone who barely deserves to shine the shoes of the ring crew walk out with prestigious gold? JA is a damn fine wrestler, and he proves it night in and night out. Jonny Breadline is just dreaming up paranoid fantasies because he's desperate to get his gold back. While desperate men do desperate things to varying degrees of success, they are easily turned away by the skilled.

Lolli: All right, next one. Fact or fiction: Sebastian Dodd *****ed about JA getting JA title shot first.

JA: That is beyond any shadow of a doubt fact. No matter what he may say, Salvation Dome is a bitter, bitter man. He keeps saying he deserved to get a shot before JA did and that he resents that JA keeps getting "handed" things. I mean, in the wrestling business, no one gets handed anything, and in JA's matches so far, he proved that he not only busts his ass every night to make sure that the fans go home with their money's worth, but to make sure that at the end of the night, he puts a stroke underneath the win column, or at the very least, leaves it all out in the ring, so that if he does lose, it’s not because he didn’t prepare himself. Scurvy Doily ought to start realizing some things.

He didn't earn his way into that battle royale because he scored a flukish pinfall over Karl "The Iguana" Brown and a victory over that wannabe actor of underwhelming stature Braden Kincaid. He was placed in because he was one of the ones who was still unproven and needed to prove himself. And to his credit, he did prove himself, but what has he done since? He was on the losing end in a tag team match. I don't care if his partner didn't show up, if this Dudd character is as good as he says he is, he ought to be able to transcend these things. But he wasn't able to, and it's a loss. He also beat the Muffin Man. Great accomplishment, beating a man who could barely show up because of things that are happening beyond his control in his personal life. What should we expect next, that he pins a school busload full of kindergartners and want adulation for that? Dudd needs to grow up and realize that he can't live in the past basking in his underwhelming record to prove things.

Lolli: Fact or fiction: JA is all style and no substance and is a fraud.

JA: Total fiction. JA is equal parts style and substance, and is one hundred percent authentic. Just because JA likes to throw around insults and witty things that the fans here in DENVER, COLORADO…

Crowd noise pumped in from the arena.

JA: …eat up like sumo at a sushi bar doesn’t mean that he’s not concerned about results. I mean, what does he have to, repeat ad nauseam that he beat John Doe, or does he have to remind everyone constantly that he is the Intercontinental Champion, so by birthright, he would win the match no questions asked? Is that substance?

No, those are just empty words. Substance is pointing out what one has done right, has done wrong and what he intends to do to fix that wrong so that he doesn’t do it again. Right now, JA knows what he has to do, and that’s prove to the world that he does indeed deserve this Intercontinental Championship.

And I’d also like to hear examples of whose shtick JA is stealing, what one sole persona JA is ripping off. A specific example. That’s all I want.

You see, the stuff JA gives the fans, the stuff they want, is exactly the same stuff that is necessary to win matches in Empire. He’s gonna break out the head dropping. He’s gonna take to the air, and if you think you’ve got him in your grasps, you don’t because he’s not just quick…

JA holds the mic to the air as the crowd, watching on the Ego-Tron chant, chant along and finish the catchphrase.

Crowd: …he’s sudden!

The crowd cheers and JA smiles.

Lolli: One final question. Fact or fiction: JA will walk out of Wrestleverse the Empire Pro Wrestling Intercontinental Champion.

JA: Now that is a stone cold fact. The John Elway of Empire will claim this title just like it was the Lombardi Trophy.

Lolli: Alright! Thanks a lot JA, now a word from our sponsors here at JASPN!

Lolli and JA smile into the camera as it fades to the Empire logo.

 

[yourhero]

[Fade in:
Denver Colorado...
We find Sebastian Dodd dressed in his traditional non-wrestling attire of sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan...in this case "Clean the wax out...and LISTEN." He is CLEARLY agitated, and shows a strange combination of relief, and attitude at the arrival of the camera crew...]

Dodd
"Oh...my...F*CKING GOD! That's a promo? That's a F*CKING PROMO!?!?!

Holy sh!t.

I'll hand it to you JA, you've managed to ruffle my feathers. There's VERY few who can do that. Unfortunately you haven't done it by actually proving a point, or by beating me in a match, or anything like that, you've managed to ruffle my feathers through sheer idiocy and ignorance. But I'd like to thank you for proving my point. You can call me repetitive all you'd like now, you've proven my point about why I HAVE to be. BECAUSE YOU DON'T F*CKING LISTEN!

How many times do I have to say that I don't care that you got your shot first?

I don't care that you got it first. Get that?

I care that you got it at all. Are you understanding the words that are coming out of my mouth?

You didn't deserve a shot. And yep, I'm REALLY F*CKING BITTER. You're 100% right about that JA. I can't believe that you've gotten all this given to you time and time again, and yet you brag like you've done something to deserve it!

You didn't do anything to get it!

You can run down my record all you want. But let's face facts, you wayyyyyyy underrated it. First of all, Braden Kincaid, yep, I'll admit, he wasn't the best I've ever seen, but it was a double debut match, on Pay Per View, opening up the card...and I won it. Karl Brown was FAR from a fluke win. And we tore the house down...Karl Brown and myself stole the show at Aggression that night, and as much as I don't care if it happens, we DID give John Q. Public and Joe Average their money's worth that night. Yep, I dumped you over the top...that EARNED me the shot I have at WrestleVerse. And Kin Hiroshi, yep, he's a fraud. But that's a win nonetheless. And that one blemish on my record...well, I AM the best wrestler in the world...but those guys are the two top ranked wrestlers in this company, and as good as I am...even *I* found it difficult to overcome that. AND...I did manage to not get myself pinned, while I was going toe to toe with the World Champ."

[Dodd sighs, a long sigh that seems to be an effort to clear out some of that anger.]

Dodd
"JA, I'm going to give you the example that you so F*cking crave. Your initials that you've distanced yourself from used to stand for Jerichoholic Anonymous, as you well know. And that fellow seemed to have a penchant for referring to people by incorrect and idiotic names, such as Mitchell Cole, or Tony Ski-A-Vone...or Chris Ben-OYT. Seems to me that you pulled that one right out of his playbook didn't you? So there you go, there's your example. You're a hack. You're no better than that Ovaltine loving comic on Seinfeld, you are a fraud, and a complete hack. Maybe you should try to create some original ideas instead of ripping off Jericho and stealing Almighty Dodd off of John Marx. I'd love to see you bring something clever and original to the table. I'm BEGGING YOU.

But Pardon the Interruption JA...if you want to play fact or fiction...let's PLAY

FACT. JA is an undeserving champion who's beaten John Doe in a match in EPW without the help of Sebastian Dodd...and other than that, well, he's tried real hard.

FACT. JA refuses to actually listen to anything other than what he wants to hear in a Sebastian Dodd promo.

Hey...I'll give you one thing though JA.

You're right...it's absolute...

FICTION. That Sebastian Dodd and JA are in cahoots with one another.

FACT. Sebastian Dodd would rather have his genitals sawed off with a butter knife than be tied into any alliance with JA.

But JA, more than anything else. Forget the fact or fiction, forget that you're a hack for a minute...

You want to claim that you HAVEN'T been handed things since day one...what makes you deserving of ANYTHING you got?

Don't give me that you bust your @ss. Because I do too. Except I do it without the use of my arch enemy and a steel chair. Give me RESULTS JA. Give me a REAL reason that you should be anywhere NEAR the position that you're in now...

But you won't. Because you can't.

You might come up with some lame copout reason or excuse.

But nothing with substance. Because deny it all you want JA, you're all flash...and NO substance."

[Dodd leans back against the wall...relaxing a bit from his tensed and agitated state.]

Dodd
"And now onto you Mr. Marx. I've already addressed what you had to say about me and JA POTENTIALLY being in cahoots...but your friend Brandon said something very interesting...and you ran with it...

Yes John, my actions DID tarnish that title a tad, because unfortunately, I took out the wrong man. But I will NOT be a hypocrite should I win it...because EPW officials have given me an opportunity to do something very special.

They've put me in a position not just to fight against a paper champion who had the belt handed to him on a steel chair.

But to face the man who SHOULD still have the title. So if I walk out of this match...check that...WHEN I walk out of this match as the Intercontinental Champion, I'll walk out secure in the fact that not only did I beat the current Intercontinental Champion to win it, I'll have beaten the REAL Intercontinental Champion to win it as well...

And believe me Marx. Believe me JA....

I WILL win it."

[Fade.]

 

[PaulNJ21]

:: Marx and Jacobs are sitting at a bench at Colorado's Ocean Journey Aquarium along, Jacobs is watching Dodd’s latest promo on his laptop as mothers cover up their children’s ears and hustle them away from the bench::

BRANDON JACOBS: The legitimate one is cursing like a drunken sailor…

JONATHAN MARX: Keep the volume down low. Doesn’t he know that all that cursing makes baby Jesus cry? This Dodd’s isn’t the man that he holds himself to be if he snaps just because Jay does a poor man’s Robert Stack.

BRANDON JACOBS: The only unsolved mystery is who will snap first if this war of words goes much longer.

JONATHAN MARX: This is one match that I am really looking forward too. I think we are going to steal the show and establish the Intercontinental title as the wrestler’s belt that everyone through wrestling wants to hold in order to prove that they are the best of the best.

BRANDON JACOBS: Beast is a good warrior and a good world champion, but he isn’t a great wrestler.

JONATHAN MARX: No, not he isn’t. He is more of a take no prisoners, all guns a blazing type which works for him. But I want this title to be about wrestling and hopefully we will have that before all is said and done at the PPV as long as Jay & Dodd don’t continue to drag this whole match through the mud because of all their bad blood but I don’t know how it can be avoided.

BRANDON JACOBS: With everything that has been said, why do you think they have been working together?

JONATHAN MARX: Sometimes you have to cover all bases just in case, these two know that the path to the title would be a much easier road if I wasn’t involved. They could kill each other’s to their heart’s content. But with me in the match, they know that if their anger gets out of control, that leaves me an opportunity to get a pinfall because when people are angry, they don’t think rationally and we have already seen a bit of that in these interviews.

BRANDON JACOBS: At least Dodd realizes what he did and who the real intercontinental champion is…

JONATHAN MARX: I respect Dodd, he is a really good wrestler. Hopefully these two will let it be a clean match between the three of us. All of the people at home don’t want to see another great wrestling match tarnished with interference especially when they are paying for it. They can get that in half a dozen other feds which don’t care an ounce about great wrestling. This title means the world to me and I hope if Dodd or Jay win the title at the PPV, that they treat it with the respect that it deserves. I worked hard to become an intercontinental champ and I admit, there were some occasions where things didn’t go all that well. But in my heart of hearts, I did my best to make this title the most important title in all of Empire and I hope these two respect that. When I go on to win the Ultratitle, this title will be a part of my legacy and I am proud of it.

BRANDON JACOBS: You are almost talking like you are going to lose this match…

JONATHAN MARX: I plan to regain my title and walk out intercontinental champion, but you never know what happens in a three way dance, I could be knocked to the outside and Dodd could pin Jay before I can get back up in order to break up the pin or Dodd could “accidentally” pull me in front of a chairshot by Jay to win the title. But I am going to try my damndest not to let that happen, I want to win back MY TITLE and restore the credibility back that it lost when Dodd him me over the head. As great as the anger is between Jay & Dodd, the fire within me to regain my title is a million times greater and I am not going to let it go without a fight of my life.

FTB

 

[TH]

On his way back from Priest's locker room, JA is walking down the corridors backstage at the Pepsi Center. Once again, he runs into Kenny Lombardo, who's carrying a case of Perrier sparkling water.

JA: What in Dodd's name are you doing?

KL: Priest asked me to get him some Perrier for his locker room.

JA: Oh he did, did he? Tell me Kenson, what's your job discription?

KL: Umm, backstage interviewer.

JA: Right, not room service.

KL: Well, umm, uh, it's a favor.

JA: Right. Anyway, I have a few more choice words for my opponents. THink you have some time?

KL: Well, I guess.

JA: Guess no, you do or you don't.

KL: Well Priest didn't give me a time fr...

JA: Ah forget him. You know he used to pick and eat his boogers back in fifth grade?

KL: No I did not.

JA: Well yeah. So c'mon, he can wait.

KL: Well, okay.

Lombardo puts the Perrier down and pulls his microphone out of his pocket.

KL: So, I'm sure you've heard what Dodd and Marx have had to say. Care to respond?

JA: Why yes. Yes I do.

JA snatches the mic from Lombardo's hand.

JA: So Debastian Sodd, you want me to say something original.

JA pauses and gives a sarcastic look of faux sincerity into the camera.

JA: Well, Deadsy-boy, you giving me that ultimatum is like the pot calling the tie-dye tee-shirt black, son.

You see, I know what you were getting at, and believe me, you trying to be cute is like Joey Melton trying to be chaste. It's just not working. If you honestly think that you can put in a tape of myself and a tape of the AYATOLLAHHHHH of ROCK'N'ROLLAHHHHH himself, my admitted mentor and my very good friend Chris Jericho and claim, compare them, and find that the only difference between us is that he's got long hair and I have a lucha mask, well, you're either lying, or you're really friggin' stupid. There's nothing wrong with a little borrowing, all the greats do it from time to time, but believe me, there isn't anyone out there except for maybe the haters who will say that I ain't one unique and dynamic indiviual. And a sexy beast to boot. I mean, you don't get voted "Wrestler Most Likely to Be Subject of a Healthy Man-Crush" in PWI three years straight for nothing.

But homoerotic vibes aside there, Dalmation Suds, if you want someone who is generic and just like everyone else, you oughtta look in the mirror. I mean, there are two words that describe you, and just to give you a hint, they rhyme with "harden sobriety." Folks who give interviews like you, with the fake seriousness, the inability to crack a joke, that sort of cardboard badass personality, they come a dime a dozen. It's really tiring. I've faced you a million times before, only maybe the guy had blond hair or even purple hair instead of brown hair. Different makeups and sizes and hometowns, and sometimes, they even had slight variances in their movesets. Even said the same things you did, right down to the "I'm the greatest wrestler in the world, yadda yadda yadda yakkety schmackety" deal that you have down like Rob Lowe's career after leaving The West Wing. So maybe it's you who needs to say something original, Defecation Stain. I mean, you can't even deviate from your normal "I'm the greatest and the front office is holding me down" routine without having to rip me off. Hey, if I'm so unoriginal, I guess that makes you and your facts and fictions third rate.

But it really doesn't matter, because your fake little undefeated record is going to be snapped just like your neck after I give you the Karelin Driver, which, I might add, is another fantastically unoriginal move that I totally ganked off a Russian Olympian. THERE, I JUST THREW YOU A GIANT BONE!

Now, speaking of those dirty Commie bastards and healthy man-crushes, Jonny Soviet and Brandon Jacob-Marleys, I really enjoyed the talk about credibility you guys had. Nothing short but to have the utmost respect for the business when you're a gentleman, eh? Well, much like the book your namesake wrote there, Marxie boy, all that talk is purely idealistic.

Idealistic, especially teh part where you were talking about how you were going to be the one who was going to restore credibility to the title I currently hold. No, I still think it's gonna be me. And no, before you get your hammer and sickle boxers in a bunch there, there isnt' going to be anyone interfering the match, especially Priest. I know you have concerns, and I do too, because more likely than not, if he interferes, then it's going to cost me, but then again, that's a guy I used to spit-swear with all the time. The look in his eye, well, that's kinda like a spit-swear, only without the spit. And the grossness. I'm getting the heebie-jeebies on how I could ever do that. I guess the innocence of being a kid immunes you to saliva.

But irregardless of anything, methinks you worrying about Priest is you already manning the excuse boat for when I win this match and legitimize my claim on the Intercontinental Championship. Rest assured there, Jonny Brezhnev, you won't lose the match due to anything but me pinning you cleanly. Scout's honor.

JA tosses the mic back to Lombardo.

JA: Now, wasn't that nice?

KL: Nice? I didn't say all that much.

JA: I know. But didn't you at least get to rest your weary arms from carrying that case of Perrier?

KL: Well, yeah.

JA: Good. Hey, let me sneak one of those bottles.

KL: But...

JA: Ah, he won't know that one bottle's missing.

JA takes a bottle and drinks it. No sooner does he sip it than he pulls the bottle away and spits the water out.

JA: Oh man, this tastes like carbonated ass. Man, rich people must be masochistic to drink this crap.

KL: I'll remember that when I hit Power Ball.

JA: Hey, keep playing.

JA tosses the bottle behind him as Lombardo picks the rest of the case and walks off. The screen fades to the Empire Pro logo.

 

[yourhero]

[Fade in:
Denver, Colorado
We find Sebastian Dodd sitting on a park bench, reading. He's thumbing through what looks like an issue of Time. He's wearing his traditional non-wrestling attire of sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan, in this case "TIME is running out...". He places the magazine to his side, and begins.]

Dodd
*Sigh*
"It gets worse every time. I'm beginning to think that maybe you've got some type of disease JA, one that prevents you from looking at REALITY, and instead seeing the world through some type of strange 24/7 beer-goggle perception.

First off. JA, let me tell you this, you're right. I am a JA hater. But not in the player-hating, jealous wanna be type of way. I just can't stand you. And when I say that you're an unoriginal hack. I mean it. You can claim that all the greats borrow from time to time. The only problem is you've taken a staple of the aforementioned Jericho's playbook, and incorporated it into EVERY single promo you do. That's FAR from time to time. However, that's neither here nor there. Let me address your premise that Sebastian Dodd is unoriginal.

See, the thing about me JA, is that this is my job. This is what I do for a living, and I love what I do. I like to win titles, and I like to be successful in this business. So maybe I don't see EPW as a place for party time fun theatre like you do. I'd rather come out here, get the job done by promoting the match in the manner that I do...then go to the ring, and WIN.

There's plenty of time for celebrating, and doing everything else when that's all done. Off camera. See, this company is what I do, I do LIVE for EPW...but at the same time EPW isn't my entire life. So what you see on camera each and every week isn't what necessarily happens off camera JA. You crave the spotlight, so you're willing to have Barbeques, and the like on TV. I'm not. I don't have an inability to crack a joke on EPW TV. I choose not to do it, because I take my job seriously, and I don't want to have 99% of my interviews be cheap puns, and stupid jokes. Then I'd only be 1% away from being a JA interview.

I'm not a bad@ss, nor have I ever claimed to be one. I've never portrayed myself as such. I'm not going to come out here and threaten to rip off someone's arms and beat them with them. Or stomp a mudhole in them, or anything like that. And this seriousness is far from fake...it's also not how I am 24/7/365. I'm like this in regards to my JOB JA. And if you have a problem with that, I really couldn't care less.

See, there's no reason for me to deviate from my, as you put it "I'm the greatest wrestler in the world, yadda yadda yadda yakkety schmackety"...because I truly believe that I AM...the best that this company, and this business has EVER seen. So why should I shy away from something that I believe is true JA? It wouldn't make any sense. You've got it wrong by the way, I'm not complaining that this company is holding me down. FAR from it. I've gotten the opportunities I've deserved, and every time I've made the most of them. I've complained that they are RAISING YOU UP. That they are just dropping things in your lap time after time after time. I've got no complaints about how the front office handles me. They've done a SPLENDID job. And I'm sure that they'll continue to do so.

I almost understand it though JA. This company, EPW, is here to make money. And perhaps they realize the same thing that I do, that you're a hack, and that your 15 minutes of fame are just about up. I guess they see the way that the people react to you, and want to soak up every last dime they can out of you before the people grow tired of you, and jump on board with the next big catchphrase...and they've blown an opportunity to make money off of a passing fad. JA, you're no better than those Razor Scooters, or Pogs, or Friendship Bracelets, or Jenny McCarthy. You're a plastic, passing fad that will fizzle out when the world realizes that it's not worth it's time. Substance my friend, you might want to find someone who's got some of that, and rip THAT off.

Oh, and JA. I've felt that Karelin Driver already...unpleasant to say the least. But unless you've changed it since the last time...it's results in relation to me aren't all that impressive."

[Dodd smiles, seemingly happy to have gotten off of the subject of JA.]

Dodd
"Now to you Mr. Marx...

See I like to get the garbage out of the way first, so that I can move on to more rewarding activities, so please John, don't ever take my addressing you second as me relegating you to secondary importance.

My apologies to you for the language I displayed last time around John. Rest assured though, that was merely a vessel for getting out some of that hostility that could potentially impair my judgement in a match with JA. I REFUSE to let my overwhelming hatred for his persona get in the way of me capturing that Intercontinental Championship.

John, I'd like nothing more than to help you legitimize that Intercontinental Title as the WRESTLER'S belt. Hence my joy that you are in this match. See, you and I both know that while JA is a solid wrestler, he's in this match, he's in the position he's in, not because of talent, or success, but because he amuses the plebians.

WE are wrestlers, and I admire your goal John. It's the type of goal that I have no choice but to respect. You're here putting that title, and this company ahead of yourself. You want to win that title because you want to continue to build IT'S legacy, not yours.

Admirable.

It's not why *I* want to win it. But admirable nonetheless. I want to win that title to cement my place in this company. But at the same time, I know that MY holding that title can go a long way towards accomplishing your goal for it. So John, fear not, after WrestleVerse, that title will be in good hands. And I will cherish it, and hold it with the respect that it deserves.

So any credibility that that title lost when I hit you with that chair Marx...

It's not your job to restore...

It's MINE."

[Fade.]

 

[TH]

The scene, once again, is JA's locker room. JA and Lollipop are sitting next to each other on the bench.

JA: You know babe, I just don't know what to say anymore.

Lolli: Why not, hun?

JA: Well, every time I say something, Damascus Spuds just comes back and says "WRONG!" like when Dana Carvey did that guy from the McLaughlin Group on SNL, remember that babe?

Lolli: Yeah that was funny babe. He was like WRONG WRONG WRONG all the time. It was like so funny.

JA: Yeah, but it's not as funny when Droid does it.

Lolli: Well that's cuz he doesn't have like, you know, personality.

JA: True. You know what else, babe?

Lolli: What's that?

JA: I don't think he has an original thought in his head either. It's like, every time he says something, it's not because he's saying it himself, it's because he's replying to someone else. He's pretty a pretty reactionary guy.

Lolli: I guess so. I bet he was picked on a lot as a kid in the playground cuz like he wasn't witty and he was so an easy target.

JA: Yeah, that's probably the case there, babe. Either that, or he's not really a human being but one of those bots.

Lolli: Bots?

JA: Yeah, you know, like the ones on AIM, like that Smarterchild thing. You IM it and it comes back with a response. Like one time, I typed in "hey baby, wanna cyber" and he's like "yeah yeah, whatever" and then I'm like "Ha ur totally gay" and he's like "does that matter to you" and he kept going in circles and circles and stuff, but this bot, it has like a stock answer for every question and stuff.

Lolli: You asked a bot to cyber with you and didn't ask me?

JA: Babe, it was a joke.

Lolli: Oh... well, as long as it's a joke...

JA: sighs Anyway, it's like Dodge has a stock answer for everything. I bet he's a bot.

Lolli: Really?

JA: Yeah, the Promo-bot 7500X. The latest model in wrestling interview mediocrity.

Lolli: I am intrigued and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

JA: Babe! That's my line!

Lolli: No it's not! You stole it!

JA: Well yeah! And I expect you not to steal it from me!

Lolli: Pfffff...

JA: Aww, you're so cute when you get all indignant.

Lolli: Really?

JA: Yeah.

Lolli: Awww...

JA: Heh, but you should wait 'til I'm done my match before you get all cutesy.

Lolli: But then you'll be all sweaty and ewwwy.

JA: That's what showers are for.

Lolli: Ooh... hey, speaking of showers, do you think Promo-bot 7500X takes them? You know, being a bot and all?

JA: You know, that's a good question. Maybe he's waterproof.

Lolli: Maybe if you threw water on him, he'd short circuit and it would be just you and Marxie for the title.

JA: Nah, I'd rather beat both of them with real wrestling moves. DOn't want the Bot to whine and complain about me having to beat him cheap after he gets rewired.

Lolli: Yeah, that's true... HEY! You wanna go get a soda before the matches start?

JA: Yeah, sure why not.

JA and Lollipop get up and walk out of the locker room as the scene fades to the Empire logo.

 

[PaulNJ21]

Quest for the Holy Grail



::Marx is watching Jay’s latest promo in the library of his mansion with a worried look on his face, he gets up and begins to talk to Jacobs who is starring out the window waiting for the UPS man to arrive with his package::

JONATHAN MARX: Poor Jay is on the verge of a mental breakdown, while I want my title back, is it really worth it as the price of another man’s sanity? I was the FWI Rookie of the Year, I finished the season with the highest NFW point total, am I really so selfish to deprive Jay of all he has in the world? Am I really this heartless barbarian who cares more about winning titles than the health of my fellow man?

BRANDON JACOBS: They stole your title, you are just trying to get it back. It isn’t your fault that Dodd is driving Jay insane.

JONATHAN MARX: Maybe, but I am enabling Dodd by just adding more fuel to his fire. But it is time that I give Jay a way out of his misery, it is time for me to prove myself to be the gentleman that the whole world knows that I am.

BRANDON JACOBS: What are you going to do? Just walk away?

JONATHAN MARX: What are you nuts? Oops, sorry Jay, didn’t mean to rub it in. No, I have found a solution. Jay, if you return that title back to me and walk away to let me and Dodd decide this by ourselves, I’ll talk to management and I’ll make sure you never have to face Dodd again. There will be no need for rubber rooms or straight jackets. You can walk out of this match with your sanity in tact and when you are better, I may even give you a title shot in a steel cage where we can decided this once and for all without inference from Dodd.

BRANDON JACOBS: That is an awfully kind offer to make.

JONATHAN MARX: Dodd wouldn’t object either because Jay is the bastard son of the Intercontinental Title. We could have a clean match to decide it all, mano e mano.

BRANDON JACOBS: But what would happen to Jay if Dodd won the title…

JONATHAN MARX: First off, that isn’t going to happen, but if it does, Jay is going to have to make that decision if he wants to hunt down Dodd to the end of the earth in order to get his title back with Dodd driving him crazy the whole entire way in some foolish quest for the Holy Grail.

BRANDON JACOBS: The gold drives people insane, turning even normal people into the Don Quixotes of their time with their idealistic and impractical dreams. How could people live their life with such a greed for material possessions..

JONATHAN MARX: That is the curse of enlightenment. We see things that others do not and have to clean up the pieces behind them. Some people are just not on as high of a spiritual plane….

::Jacobs bolts out of the chair and runs to the door, he grabs the package from the UPS delivery man and bolts down the hallway towards the TV room::

JONATHAN MARX:… as you and I. Then again, some of us do get what we are searching for.

::Marx walks off down the hallway after Jacobs::

(CUEUP: Star Wars theme)

FTB

 

[yourhero]

[Fade in:
Denver, Colorado
Sebastian Dodd is found in his hotel room, resting up, getting ready for WrestleVerse the best way that he can...

By relaxing, Seb Dodd is reading a book lying in bed, his wait over for a crew that has just arrived. He is NOT wearing his traditional non-wrestling attire. He is shirtless, and his feet and legs are covered, so who knows if the jeans and sneakers are there.

But that doesn't matter, what matters is that Sebastian Dodd is, and he begins...]

Dodd
"Incredible. THAT was sad. It really was. I guess that the best you had to come back at me with is that I'm a bot.

Wow.

God forbid we bring facts and intelligent comments to the table. I guess you never get tired of proving me right JA. I mean REALLY. Seriously. Watch your last segment again...can you honestly say that you put your best foot forward on THAT one?

Actually, in reality, it might just have been. The fact of the matter JA...is that you continue to make me look more correct about you, and more intelligent every time I come out here. While you're spending your time trying to convince AOL programs to have cybersex with you, I'm composing coherent statements.

Actually...maybe this...Smarterchild should just do your next promo for you. It would probably make more...

BZZZZZT!

Program error.

No disassemble.

Heh.

No, I'm just kidding, but I thought that if I played along for a second, it might just show the level of absolute idiocy that you're offering up in your segments. I mean honestly it's not MY fault if I sound like John McLaughlin...or at least the Dana Carvey version thereof. If you would just stop making idiotic, incorrect, off the cuff statements, I could stop rebutting them.

If you just ONCE came out here and said something poignant that maybe I couldn't counter, you'd serve yourself well.

Of course, I'm not REALLY like DC's John McLaughlin anyway, because when I tell you you're wrong, I tell you WHY. I don't just blurt out WRONG with no rhyme or reason."

[Dodd closes his book and puts it on a nearby nightstand, getting ready to go to sleep soon.]

Dodd
"Oddly enough, JA, unlike you, who can't be bothered to extend the same courtesy, I actually take the time to not only WATCH your segments, but actually listen to them, and respond.

If that makes me robotic in nature, then so be it. I'll admit that I AM a reactionary being. My most intellectually stimulating, and thought provoking segments come from tearing down the segments of my opponents. But I don't ONLY react, and my reactionary comments ARE original. However...the fact is JA, as much as you claim I do nothing BUT react...I'd dare say that the FIRST promotional segment offered for our match this week was from yours truly, and not reacting to your idiotic statements.

The REAL difference between us JA, aside from my having a multitude of functional brain cells, and you needing your last two to bump together accidentally just to utter the word "Duh" would be that I take the time to perfect my craft, not just in the ring but out of it as well.

I take pride in my promos. I don't just go for cheap laughs, and worse name puns. You my friend, are like a child who studies by opening a book, but never reading the material inside. You look at the pages, and skim over, much like you do with my, and probably Marx's promotional segments. Unfortunately for you...

You're going to fail the test.

No, not on the material in a Seb Dodd promo.

You're going to fail the test of being Intercontintental Champion. You're going to fail the test of Sebastian Dodd and Johnathan Marx.

But at least when it's all said and done...you can always go home and ask Smarterchild what went wrong..."

[Dodd smiles, maybe happy that he only has to deal with JA for a couple of more days...]

Dodd
"Again, I get to save the best part of my segment for last, because I get to address the person in this match other than myself who actually GETS it. Who understands not only the business itself, but what it means to put together a coherent promotional segment.

And while I'm not trying to have some Marx/Dodd verbal lovefest with you, I do RESPECT you Mr. Marx. You have shown the ability, unlike the plebians in the crowd to actually grasp the fact that JA is an idiot, and now, thanks to me, borderline insane, passing off gibberish as a promotional tool while holding onto what WILL BE, if it isn't now, the MOST coveted title in all of EPW.

My apologies to you though Marx, but your winning this title is FAR from a foregone conclusion. Because while I do RESPECT you, and your ability, Sebastian Dodd you are not. And if this were a match between you and JA, a rematch for that title, I'd certainly put my money on John Marx.

But it's not.

This is the matchup that I've been waiting for since Day 1 in EPW. I've waited for something to happen since day one.

I've been waiting for a TRUE opportunity to put up...or be shut up.

And this is it Marx. Pay Per View...I've got a shot to have a title that symbolizes everything I've said all along...

And the two of you have not only a shot at that, you've got a shot to shut me up, to prove that I've been blowing smoke all along.

The problem, however, is that I'm not.

And come WrestleVerse, I will back up everything I've said since I arrived here, I will prove myself as one of, if not THE top WRESTLER, in all of EPW.

And while I wish that JA weren't here in this matchup to get in the way, that is MY pennance for letting my hatred for him get in the way when I hit YOU with a steel chair Marx.

BUT, I can honestly say, JA, or no JA, there's noone I'd rather face in EPW right now to prove that I'm the best...than YOU.

But hey, at least when I've won the EPW IC Title...you'll at least have that FWI rookie thing, and that NFW point title...but all JA has is a girlfriend who he'd rather ignore for a computer, and that computer to get him through life.

So sad...so sad..."

[Fade.]

 

[PaulNJ21]

Lesson Learning Time

::Marx is standing in front of an empty classroom in a suit and tie, resting his feet on the desk. The words “MY TITLE” are written on the black board.::

JONATHAN MARX: Dodd, you are full of youthful self confidence, some people may even say you have a Dodd complex, but I like that. I like someone who thinks they can beat me. It makes it all the more rewarding when I disprove their hypothesis and teach them a life lesson that will remain with them throughout their career. Because at heart, despite all the wars I may have, despite all the blood I may lose, I am a teacher. I want to teach the younger generation like yourself that good old fashion wrestling can succeed in today’s world in order to help bring about the second golden age of wrestling.

You are one of the most talented young wrestlers here in Empire and if Jay ever regains his sanity, there is promise for him as well…. But as much as I respect you, you should know what you are up against.

There is a Canadian named Rabesque who thought he could beat me on two separate occasions, except he isn’t nearly as pleasant as you and is a fan favorite. He is so rude towards people that French vehemently deny that he is one of them. But what he does have is a wealth of knowledge about wrestling and is the best technician in all of wrestling next to myself. He has even had some wars with Sands that people still talk about to this day. I have beaten Rabesque twice.

There is another man by the name of Michael Manson who I have watched from the beginning of his career from his battle with Doc Silver at the Superbowl of Wrestling until today when he is WFW World Heavyweight Champion and the odds on favorite to win the Ultratitle who is the Babe Ruth of Wrestling and I beat him cleanly last month in my second year in this sport. You two actually have a lot in common because he has a Dodd complex as well.

You see, as intelligent and gifted as you are young Mister Dodd, there are other more experienced wrestlers than yourself who have been around this sport for years who couldn’t get the job done and they never had anything to do with costing me my title. I hope you are prepared to wrestle the greatest match of your career and then some because that is what it is going to take to in order to win the Intercontinental Title.

I don’t care if they stick the World Heavyweight Champion in a dress or shove someone in his second match here in Empire into the main event of a PPV, this is the only title in this fed which means anything to me and I am going to give you the fight of your life and show you the true meaning of old school wrestling.

Be prepared young Mister Dodd, be prepared.

FTB

 

[TH]

Wrapping things up

We're outside JA's locker room, moments before the beginning of WrestleVerse I. Kenny Lombardo is standing by with the Intercontinental Champion, who is dressed in his ring attire, old-school John Elway jersey and special-occasion Broncos lucha mask, IC strap slung over his shoulder.

KL: Alright, we're only moments away from match time. Any final words?

JA: You betcha, jerky.

Jonny Siberia, I didn't know you had a degree in psychology, what with your diagnoses of psychosis and neurosis.

JA looks up at Lombardo, who nods at the rhyming wordplay.

JA: I mean, for someone who doesn't want there to be interference in this match, you're laying it on thick there with the crazy accusations. Then again, can you really trust a Communist, even if he's a self-proclaimed gentleman? How do I know you don't have a few guys in white waiting to wrap me up in a straight jacket?

Then again, maybe you're just rationalizing your loss again before you've suffered it, like you've been trying to do all along. Figures. But am I crazy? Does it matter? Maybe I am, and in that case, you ought to be even more worried. Billy Joel once sang, "Never try to argue with a crazy ma-ah-ah-ah-an." Well, you shouldn't try to fight one either.

It doesn't matter if you're the point leader in NFW or if you beat Jean Rabies, or if you even performed on stage with Marilyn Manson, that doesn't matter to me, not one bit. This isn't NFW. I'm not the almighty Borinator. The sign on the marquee says Empire Pro. I'm the Anglo Luchador, and I'm the Intercontinental Champion. Whether I won this title dubiously or cleanly doesn't matter, because at WrestleVerse, I am claiming this puppy legit.

KL: Alright, and what of Dodd?

JA: You mean Promo-bot 7500X? Typical response from him. Input what I said, and output "blah blah blah, ur wrong, bring some facts, eye m l33t" et cetera, et cetera.

Well 7500X, Dodd forbid you say somethign of substance for a change. It's the same thing over and over again. "I take pride in my promos, bring some facts, domo arrigato Mister Roboto." It's tiring.

It's also tiring to have to bring facts all the time and have them ignored by you because they don't corroborate with your world view. I've pointed out how I busted my ass right out of the gate, and you still cry about me getting handed stuff. I've pointed out how superior my ring strategy is by pulling Marx in front of me when I was about to be clobbered, but you just sit there and say "wah, you should thank me." I bring creativity and laughter, and you sit there jealous because you don't have the charisma in your whole body that I have in my pubic hair.

Well, after WrestleVerse, you won't have to worry about any of that anymore, because you'll be vanquished and I'll still be the Eye-See Champ. Does that compute, 7500X?

Boys, it's been fun while it lasted, but it's time for the John Elway of Empire to pull off some heroics. You guys, on the other hand, well, you can empathize with the Cleveland Browns.

JA adjusts the belt and walks off as the screen fades to the Empire logo.

 

[yourhero]

[Fade in:
Denver, Colorado
We find the 7500X, I mean, Sebastian Dodd in his locker room prior to the big WrestleVerse event. He is dressed in his usual non-wrestling attire of sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan, in this case "My words come from Earth, yours come from Uranus." Dodd looks pretty comfortable for a man getting ready to wrestle in the biggest match of his career. He takes a seat, right next to a bag holding his ring gear, and begins.]

Dodd
"I never thought I'd say this in my entire life...

But I agree with JA.

No offense John, because I've said time and time again, that YOU are the guy I'm looking forward to locking up with in this match...

But I've also said just as many times what JA said last time out...

This is Empire Pro Wrestling.

I'm sure that the guys you mentioned are incredible talents. And I'm sure you can, and SHOULD take all kinds of pride in beating them. The only problem my friend, is that they aren't me.

You're acting like the fact that they aren't me, and I am not them is somehow a detriment to MY level of talent. John, no offense, but while it seems inconceivable to you that I can be on their level it's EQUALLY inconceivable to me that I'm NOT above it.

I'm very happy that you take pride in teaching "young" wrestlers like myself that they aren't as good as they say. The only thing is John, I'm not all THAT young, I just realize something very important, I realize that what I've done outside of Empire Pro Wrestling doesn't mean a d@mn thing, INSIDE of it.

But even if you want to pigeonhole me into that "young" wrestler category, so be it, because I suppose I am at least moderately youthful. I'm THRILLED that you are going to take alot of pride in trying to show me that I'm not what I say I am...because I'm going to take an EQUAL amount of pride in showing you that I AM what I say I am.

You want to show me the meaning of wrestling, BRING IT ON my friend...show me something I don't know. Show me a new trick, a new way of doing something...

Hell, show me an old way of doing something that I don't know about...

And I'll STILL find a new way to counter it, or an old way that YOU aren't familiar with. I take more pride in my wrestling than just about anything in my life, and it will be my PLEASURE to show you that at WrestleVerse.

As a matter of fact Marx...I think it'll be great for both of us...because while I'm going to improve in stature, by winning, you too can improve in losing. You can learn to be humble...which seems like quite an ironic statement coming from one of the arrogant wrestlers in the company. But you can learn not to underestimate your opposition.

I may not always verbally give the credit due to my opponents, because I'm too busy talking about how great I am. But I'm smart enough to realize what the opposition brings to the table. If you're content to think that I'm not as good as those gentlemen you've beaten...

I'll be glad to prove you wrong."

[Dodd leans back getting ready to get changed into his ring attire.]

Dodd
"And now onto the educational part of our program folks.

This is the fiction can be fun part of our telecast.

This is where I respond to the fictional claims of JA, and have FUN with turning them on him. See, JA throws out mindless accusations and tries to turn around comments, without actually having reasoning behind it. Like when he told ME to bring something of substance, as opposed to constantly shooting down the things he says with facts.

Uh pardon me.

That IS substance.

Merely saying "you're a robot, I'm JA"...that ain't quite gonna cut it my friend. You can claim that pulling Marx in front of that chair was sound strategy. And you can claim that I ignored that claim. But you're just backing up MY point that you don't pay attention. Because I DIDN'T ignore that statement. In fact, I shot it down like I do most of your material. Pulling an opponent in front of a chair ISN'T sound strategy, it's the easy way out. You pushed me out of the ring seconds later, you could have done that the first time...but you let Marx take a chair meant for you. So yes, you SHOULD thank me. I handed you that title thanks to your taking the easy way out. I FACILITATED your rise to the Intercontinental Championship. And that is beyond even YOUR ability to deny, at least plausibly.

You can also claim that you have brought facts that you've busted your @ss since day one, and that's why you're here in the spot you're in.

Well that's fine and dandy, but it isn't RIGHT. Because even if that IS why you're here, you've been handed something for effort, not results. Should they start giving the Gold Medal at the Olympics to the last place finisher because he trained hard and showed alot of effort. NO.

Effort itself is not reason for reward, results are. And your results are marginal AT BEST.

Claim all you want that I lack charismsa...but that isn't my job. My job isn't to be Captain Charisma. Maybe you and I are on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum...whereas I call you all flash and no substance, maybe I'm all substance and no flash.

The only problem is that the flashy guy is going to come and go...and the man with the substance is going to be there time and time again, just not getting noticed for his efforts. And as much as I WANT the recognition I deserve for greatness, I understand that I'm going to have to MAKE people recognize it by winning that Intercontinental Championship. And you...well, you're going to leave this match about 10 or so pounds lighter, and you're going to leave this match with the tag all flash and no substance FIRMLY stamped across your forehead.

And there's a reason for that.

Because I'm going to put it there. Be it by pinfall, submission, or whatever it takes, I AM going to beat you, and I am going to pull the proverbial curtain back, and expose you as a fraud. As all flash...and NO substance.

Live in front of all of those fans that you'll suck up to by wearing Denver clothing, this will be one of the least contested custody battles in all of history. So shine that belt up all nice and pretty. Spend as much time as you can with it. Take it to the movies, take it to the park, let it know that you love it...

Because it's coming home to daddy."

[Fade.]