2009 FW Draft Thread

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The Captain, ducking as the boat appears to be hitting a storm)

CAPTAIN: We're in need of some great planning...One might call it ELEGANT BOOKING...

We pick JAVID DONES.

 

[jediPREZ]

KABUKI: "We come in 3's...LINCOLN McKINLEY and RYAN CONNORS -- THE SHOWSTOPPPERS! ...and 'THE MUPPET KID' TIMMY WINDHAM!"

 

[TH]

CC: o hai! i can has Larry Tact, plz?

 

[TSiegel]

(Fadein, the Dangle Brothers the next morning wearing black sunglasses and havin' Bloody Marys to kill off the hangovers.)

DB: We're having alittle help here...care to trouble us out?? Try calling FUSENSHOFF for us...pretty please???

 

[Nova]

AWA Tenth and Eleventh Round Picks

(CUTTO: HYPERSPACE KID at the podium.)

HYPERSPACE KID: "There's room for loons at this table of dreamers, believers, and under-achievers...with its Tenth Round pick, AWA selects...'Gold Patron Meritorious' Xavier Kannon!

"And with our Eleventh Round pick, we select FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE, the man who helped Kannon put on some of the greatest matches of all time...'Wrestling's Cadillac' Angelo Deville!

(FADEOUT.)

 

[TSiegel]

(CUTTO: The Dangle Brothers at a Baseball game, doing "The Wave".)

DB: Oh yeah....gotta look for him. Who?? "DAREDEVIL" Mark Vizzack!!! That's who!!!

 

[TH]

CC: o hai! i can has dat guy who only has one letter in his naim? u no, D!? plz 'n thx!

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The Captain standing on deck.)

CAPTAIN: While we clearly don't obey the rules of the ocean, we have been following the rules of this draft, and it seems to us we're in the right to make a pick right now, so we're taking ALEX WYLDE.

 

[LQJT86C]

WILLOW'S GHOST: David Letterman took my virginity, my dignity, and my life. However, WPW will take WINK MARTENDALE! Why? Well, because his handler introduced Billy to FW and taught him how to RP good and stuff...

LETTERMAN: Damn it, stop ruining the business! Kayfabe, kayfabe!

 

[fugginVOSS]

(With a rainbow of fruit flavours hitting the monitor the Amstrad whirred to life to allow TNM7 to make it's selection.)

TNM7L Oliver... Copp... Championship... Wrestling... selects... KING BLUEBERRY!

(And with that, a storm of fruits of the forest rained down onto the monitor beating it senseless with it's juicy and nutritional content.)

 

[CuseTroy]

Zombie pick ... DEVIN SHAKUR ... because Zombies run out of black eyeliner.

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

MaX-Files

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

Kevin Kassidy Kenwright

 

[CuseTroy]

PWZ selects JAY PHOENIX

 

[fugginVOSS]

(The Amstrad whirred to life beneath a wig of brilliant red hair and tattoos up and down it's keyboard.)

TNM7L Oliver... Copp... Championship... Wrestling... selects... AIMZ!

(And with that, the Amstrad kicks the camera man in the nuts and burns it's bra.)

 

[LQJT86C]

(FADEIN: Grainy old-style film. DAVID LETTERMAN has a card in his hand and a crosshairs over his forehead. We hear heavy breathing and a heartbeat.)

LETTERMAN: With our next selection, Willow Palin...

(CUTTO: LETTERMAN in normal vision)

LETTERMAN: ...Wrestling selects the LEADER of Zane-a-Mania himself! Former NFW Champion RICKY ZA-

(BOOM! A bullet flies through Letterman's head, as it falls into Sarah Palin's lap. She's wearing a pink dress and matching hat)

PALIN: Oh God, my family's free! (cries) Thank you, Richard! We select BLOODHUNT!

(FTB)

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The Captain still on deck)

CAPTAIN: We need more bad-asses who were world champions...So we pick STEEL VIPER.

 

[jediPREZ]

KABUKI: Teresa Quaranta...and Castor Strife are now MINE.

 

[TH]

CC: o hai, i'z wants to be smarts nao, so i can has Professor Tremendous plz?

 

[TSiegel]

(CUTTO: The Dangle Brothers, enjoying yet ANOTHER...Dirty Thirty.)

DB: With the 107th Pick of the 2009 Draft, JAMF selects THE FIRST....EPW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION....CHRISTIAN SANDS!!!