RP Museum (Old RP)

[BarryClarkJr]

Loafing.....

(FADEIN to the inside of Jack SEVEN TEN Hudgins apartment. A simple fireplace lit explains the setting as the camera pans around the room slowly on the former PBA member exposing every single trophy or plaque he's been awarded.....)

HIGH SCRATCH GAME: Jack Hudgins 300

HIGH SCRATCH SERIES: Jack Hudgins 900

HIGHEST AVERAGE: Jack Hudgins 231

(Camera continues to pan around the room without a sound and exposes other paraphernalia on the wall of fame of SEVEN TEN. Bowling towels, rosin bags are pinned onto the wall almost like voodoo dolls that have belonged to Walter Ray Williams Jr. While the camera pans around the room you hear a voice in the background making a phone call on speaker phone to a local bowling alley )


(....RING RING RING)

COUNTER LADY: Hello, thank you for calling AMF Centereach NY lanes, my name is Judy, how may I help you today?

SEVEN TEN: Ahhh, yes Judy. This is SEVEN TEN speaking.

COUNTER LADY: Seven ten?

SEVEN TEN: You got it baby, bowler extraordinaire all over this world. Now listen, I need to know how many lanes your mother ship carries.

COUNTER LADY: Mother ship?

SEVEN TEN: Come on baby, get it together.

(...shouts into speakerphone)

LANNNNNEEESSS BABY! HOOOOOOWWW MAANNNNYYYYYY LLLLAAAAANNNEESSSS?

COUNTER LADY: We have 30 lanes sir.

SEVEN TEN: OHHHH, that will be perfect. I need to rent 30 lanes for a birthday party Judy.

COUNTER LADY: 30 lanes?

SEVEN TEN: Yes Judy, I need 30 lanes.

COUNTER LADY: Sir, do you understand that 30 lanes is the entire premises?

SEVEN TEN: Uhhhh, yeah of course Judy. It's a birthday party.

(SHOUTS)

A*SHOLE! P*SSING CACTUS OUT OF MY D*CK! MOTHER F*CKER!

(Judy the counter lady hangs up as JH continues to speak into the phone)

You see Judy, most of my approaches are 16' long; they are required by the ABC to be at least 15'. TWO! Start of the bowler's motion, ending with the start of the delivery, which is when the ball begins its final swing forward to the release. It's what is required in a great bowler like myself Judy. Do you understand?

HELLO?

JUDY?!

I WANT THIRTY F*CKING LANES FOR THIRTY OF MY FRIENDS........YOU HEAR ME?!

(JH slams his fist onto the phone and the camera finally shows a shot of him on his back wearing tighty-whities. He chucks the old 1990 cordless phone across the room)

......F*CKING WALTER RAY.


(....FADEOUT)

 

[dakotainferno]

NOTHING to LOSE.

Never been a lucky guy.

(OPEN: Black, red, and silver LVW High Stakes Battle Royale backdrop. Dakota stands before it, not truly facing the camera.)

I didn't come to Las Vegas looking to come out ahead. I came here hoping to break even but ready and willing to risk it all.

And you know what's great about this stage of my life? I've got nothing to lose. No wife. No kids. No mortgage. If I walk away from LVW with just last week's bulls#it DQ win under my belt, yeah, I'll be disappointed. But I didn't lose a damn thing. I'm too much of an "unknown factor" in the game right now to disappoint anyone. No one cares if I stay, go, live or die. And I've no complaints about that.

(CUT: Headshot. Giving his stubble a brief scratch, Dakota's eyes finally intersect with the shot.)

I get a kick out of taking the establishment by surprise. I doubt there's any pundit in this game who's looking for the next 30-something, never-been-a-name, 10-year vet, to suddenly sweep the nation. If it happens? Cool. If not?

(PAN BACK: Quick shrug of the shoulders.)

I've got nothing to lose.

(CUT: Hands on his hips.)

Destiny and I have had a rocky road. Many an up and a down. Destiny handed me #27 in the High Stakes Battle Royale. Nice draw. Exciting stuff.

(CUT: Tighter shot, waist up. Dakota smirks.)

Doesn't mean a damned thing. I gave up on destiny guiding ME many, many years ago ... where I enter that contest has little to do with when and how I leave it. It's my goal and my singular drive to walk in to the party late and ultimately stand alone, LAST and victorious, above the rank and file of Las Vegas Wrestling's colorful assortment of pseudo-athletes, schizophrenics, stereotypes, and sociopaths.

I'm gonna hold out, for now, on rattling off the matches participants, running them down, and damn near writing them off 'til match time. I'll wait on crawling inside their heads and kicking s#it loose. Plenty of time for that.

(CUT: Headshot.)

I didn't come to Las Vegas looking to come out ahead. But if I do, it won't be luck OR destiny that make the difference... and it won't be any of you. It'll be Me. After all... I've got nothing to lose.

(OUT.)

 

[Vertigo]

Re: LVW High Stakes Battle Royal Rp Thread

(Fade in: to a sad looking man walking out of a backroom into a larger main room. The camera pans back to reveal that this place is a church. Suddenly, a gigantic wrestler walks into the church. He slowly walks down the aisle, past the few people praying and into the backroom, closing the door behind him. He has dark pants and very cool sunglasses. He sits down in front of the priest.)

Wrestler: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

Priest: Confess your sins, my Son.

Wrestler: I hurt a man real bad the other day. Also, I have drinking and gambling problems. Also, I'm not sure if it's a sin or not, but I also love hookers and blow.

Priest: Say 10 "Our Father"s and 10 "Hail Mary"s and your sins shall be forgiven.

Voice: WWWHHHAATTT?!?!?!

(A slender man who was apparently eavesdropping comes bursting through the door to confessional room.)

Born Again: This disgusting sinner confesses to being a monster and you give a little homework assignment?!!? He's got demons possessing him.

Wrestler: I don't know about that....

(Born Again throws a liquid in his face. The container says holy water. Immediately, the wrestler is floored, screaming about his eyes)

Born Again: See, Father?!? Why would blessed water affect him so much if demons didn't have control of his soul?

Father: Let me see the contents of that vial.

(The father reaches for the holy water container.)

Born Again: Stealing, Father!?!? A priest should know better. Unless...

(Born Again throws the holy water in his face. The father also crumples to the ground, grabbing his eyes. Seeing the commotion, everyone else in the church flees.)

Born Again: It's worse than I thought! Even the priests in Las Vegas have damned souls! Is no one but me holy? Does no one else here have the conviction and the strength to fight off the forces of darkness?

(Born Again walks back to the wrestler on the ground, who is starting to get to his knees. Born Again grabs his forehead and begins screaming at the man in tongues. Born Again then throws the man's head back and it hits the corner of the table. The wrestler slumps down in a heap.)

Born Again: Hallelujah! Another man saved! Praise be to God!

(Born Again notices a pamphlet in the man's pocket regarding the upcoming LVW Battle Royal. He takes it and looks it over. Born Again walks out of the backroom and into the now empty main area of the church. The screams of agony of the priest are somewhat muffled now.)

Born Again: I will save this place. Not just this church...but all of Las Vegas. Just as the Lord destroyed the temple and rebuilt it in three days, so shall I do to Las Vegas. And I suppose I will start with "professional wrestling".

(He glances back at the wrestler and scowls)

Born Again: I am not immune to the putrid stink of advertisements. I see the signs suggesting that there is a battle royal coming up....even the very name is blasphemous. What is "royal" about this? The only true royalty in this world is He who controls the kingdom of heaven. *THAT* is the only thing we should be "battling" for.

(Born Again shakes his head)

Born Again: But no. That's not what's happening here, is it? Instead we have a former bowler who curses constantly and a thirty year old who openly admits to be empty and dead on the inside arguing about who is going to do what to whom and blah blah blah. Clearly, these two have not accepted True Happiness in their lives.

(Born Again raises a finger)

Born Again: But good news! For it is not to late for them or for anyone else in this battle fight thing. For I shall come, as a messenger of the Lord. I shall share the good news with them. I shall give them the Word of Life and they shall see the joy of Heaven. HALLELUJAH! But it will not be easy. The demons and sinners that possess their wretched souls shall try to defeat me. They shall try to blind me with their greed and hubris. They'll try to lay hands upon me and rip me from my spot as the Lord's good right hand.

(Born Again wags his finger at the camera)

Born Again: But I won't let them. That's not how God wants this to end. Whether it be the Cowboy guy or the Spade Guy or or the guy whose name appears to be some Satanic code or whoever else ends up in this fight, they will try to taint me. They will try to tear the garments from my back. But that is my cross to bear. And I will bear it. I will deliver this place from evil.

(Born Again glances away from the screen)

Born Again: Of course, a mission that size will not be cheap. I will need *YOUR* help, America. I need you to bring all your money and valuables and deeds to properties with high resale value and donate them to my mission. Las Vegas will not save itself, that much has been proven. There is smut and debauchery and every type of sinning you could possibly imagine here. And let no one glamorize it for you, that's just sick. If you live like a heathen dog, you can expect that I will treat you like a heathen dog. And heathen dogs need to have their faces rubbed in their mistakes before they realize the extent of their impurity.

(Born Again starts walking back towards the backroom)

Born Again: At least this "Las Vegas Wrestling" place got one aspect of its name correct. This is high stakes. There is much risk on my mission, but there is also much to be gained. By the power of prayer and the force of the Holy Spirit coursing through my body, I shall bring salvation to this place. And that's not because I am smarter than everyone else or because I am stronger than everyone. It's because I am holier and therefore better than everyone else, and because all things are possible with God.

(Born Again notices that the wrestler's wallet is sticking out slightly. He pulls it, takes the man's cash, and returns it to him)

Born Again: Salvation isn't free, of course. The Lord wants me to take this. And it's best we do the will of God. For the kingdom and the power and the glory are, of course, His forever and ever.

(Born Again scowls at the camera)

Born Again: And soon...Las Vegas will be His as well. Amen.

(Fade to black)

 

[RStrawsma]

VP 007 - Odin's Orgy

(We're back on the lot of VALHALLA STUDIOS, sodomy capital of the world. Hurring up to the doors of the infamous "Studio 69" is "The Butt-Dominator's" recently christened "talent representative," IGGY DORKJANKER, stepping up his outfit this time around with a set of blank dress pants and a blazer, to go along with his garish Kiss t-shirt. Clutched tightly in his hand is a fresh bottle of green Vitamin Water, which he carries like an Olympic torch into the sound stage.)

VALHALLA PRODUCTION COMPANY​

Presents​

(We cut to inside as Iggy dodges in and out of various crew members as he makes his way to the behemoth berserker seated in the canvas chair off to the side near the set. The notorious OLVIR ARSVINNAR currently finds his nose buried in a thick paperback of "Hagar the Horrible" comics, as deep as he would stick it into any fine woman's vagina.)

OLVIR ARSVINNAR​

In​

Iggy Dorkjanker
Yo, Olvir! Got your cherry-limeade vitamin water right here!

(In a single motion, Olvir tosses the comic aside, BOLTS to his feet, and snatches the plastic bottle of water from his rep's hand with the likeness of a python snatching its prey in its iron-like maw. With exaggerated force, he twists off the plastic cap--and much of the neck--and gulps it down effortlessly. The empty shell of a bottle is tossed to the side, and like magic, an errant crew-member moving by snatches it out of the air and disappears out of the frame.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
THANK YOU, feeble Iggy the Dork-Yanker, for your NOBLE OFFERING of HYDRATION!! The GREAT OLVIR now feels RE-ENERGIZED, and thus PREPARED for this fine performance!!

"ODIN'S ORGY"​

​

Iggy Dorkjanker
Performance, huh? You mean your next production?

Olvir Arsvinnar
Of COURSE, foolish Ignatius!

Iggy Dorkjanker
...with all them?

(The camera pans over to get a look at the set. To say the least, it's completely PACKED with pornstars! There's easily two dozen on the scene, all women, and all drop dead gorgeous, and every one wheres their own unique outfit. Of the various costumes, we see a cowboy, a surfer, a Broadyway-type in a sequin jacket, and even... is that a bowler??)

(We cut back to Olvir, with Iggy standing nearby, jaw hanging agape.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
HA HA HA HA!! Of COURSE, puny Dork-Yanker! The GREAT OLVIR is on the VERGE of stepping into his GREATEST ACCOLADE in the arena of Las Vegas Wrestling... and so, to PREPARE for such a HEROIC UNDERTAKING, I have assembled THIS debaucherous harem to represent the obstacles I will inevitably CONQUER upon the field of battle!

Feast your puny eyes, Ignatius... FEAST!!

Iggy Dorkjanker
Oh believe me... I'm feasting...

(The Norseman bounds onto the set and grabs the nearest woman he can find. Coincidentally, it's the one wearing nothing but a bowling shirt, glove, and black thong.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
YOU, supple maiden! Tell me your claim to GLORY!!

(The actress checks her cue card one last time and delivers her line with the grace and chemistry of a sponge.)

Bowler Pornstar
"I deliver with sixteen inches!"

Olvir Arsvinnar
UNCOUTH WENCH!!!

(The force of his voice is enough to knock her off her feet and nearly rip the clothes off her body.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
The Great Olvir SEES through your petty bluffs! I shall give you TWICE as many inches in your ARSE as I thrust my KINGPIN between your BOWLING BALL BUTTOCKS!! HA HA HA HA!!

(With a hearty GRUNT, the muscled marauder picks her up off the ground and tosses her to the bed. He quickly turns to another woman, this one wearing nothing but a red thong, and... the numbers "2" and "7" taped like pasties over either breast. Coincidentally, it's Pixie, from Olvir's previous feature.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
And YOU, noble women of the number 27! What makes you even BELIEVE you can withstand my GLORIOUS LOINS??

(Pixie pulls out her own cue-card and delivers her line.)

Pixie the 27th Rumble Entrant
"I have nothing to lose."

Olvir Arsvinnar
FOUL WHORE!!!

(The Viking spins her around and SLAPS HER ON THE ASS hard enough to flip her over onto the bed.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
There is MUCH for you to lose, such as your supple ARSE VIRGINITY!! HA HA HA HA!! But perhaps instead of troubling your FOOLISH MIND with what you might LOSE to my GREATNESS, perhaps you should focus on all that is to be GAINED for one so WEAK and FEEBLE as yourself!

A PERSONALITY, for starters! HA HA HA HA!!

(By now, all of the variously-dressed women have given their undivided attention to the Viking, who, even with his towering height, stands on the end of the bed with both Bowler Girl and Pixie clutching either leg, addressing the assembly as a whole.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
VIRTUOUS MAIDENS FROM AFAR!! Man have come here in a FEEBLE EFFORT to outlast my GREATNESS!! Though there may be many of you, NO NUMBER of GRACIOUS WOMEN or DASTARDLY FOES is enough to STOP my INVINCIBLE STRENGTH!! HA HA HA HA!!

As I will conquer the ARSES of you 29 noble wenches tonight, so as well shall my GREATNESS conquer the 29 FOOLS that await me in the Battle Royale of HIGH STAKES!! THEN... when the WORLD has witnessed my VICTORIOUS STRENGHT upon the battlefield, I will fulfill my destiny and be crowned CHAMPION of this great city known as Las Vegas!!

All will KNEEL at the sight of my MIGHTY LOINS!! HA HA HA HA!!

Now, COME AT ME, sultry women! COME NOW, AND FACE MY GREATNESS!!

(Laughing maniacally, the Great Olvir disappears beneath a pile of women as they all at once leap upon him. While the debauchery begins, the camera pans over to Iggy Dorkjanker standing just off the set.)

Iggy Dorkjanker
Oooohhhh MAN!! This is so HAWT!!

You need any help in there, Olvir?

(He gets no answer. Instead, between bursts of the Viking's uproarious guffawing, a SWEATY PAIR OF FUR-LINED BRITCHES flies into his face. Iggy peels it off and drops it with disgust.)

Iggy Dorkjanker
Uh... okay, I'll just sit tight and take notes, I guess.

(As Iggy wanders off to go find a pillow to hold in front of his pants, we go to black.)

 

[LQJT86C]

Re: LVW High Stakes Battle Royal Rp Thread

(FADEIN: JUST ONE DUDE...is sitting on his apartment beanbag, shirtless and wearing a hemp necklace)

J1D: How's it hanging Las Vegas? It's me...J1D...your most favorite awesome wrestler dude, who is not only a wrestler but a surfer and environemental entrepeneur as well...coming right atcha with some news on the ultra high stakes battle royal, dudes.

But first, I have something to say to a little somebody named Superspade. ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME BRAH? I totally offered to make peace with you, maybe even share some of my bud, but you just had to be an extreme buttwipe about it, didn't you? Not cool dude...NOT COOL!

So from now on, I will remain totally cool with anybody who is willing to party with me, EXCEPT YOU, SUPERSPADE! I am a man of peace, but trust me dude, I will completely mess up your little pizza face in front of the Vegas crowd brah.

AND THEN YOU'LL BE EMBARRASSED, BUT AT THE SAME TIME TOTALLY SORRY THAT YOU MESSED WITH THE ONE DUDE WHO CALLS HIMSELF J1D!!!!!!!

Seriously brah, I'm coming after you at this high stakes thing!

As for everybody else, dudes, nothing personal, but seriously...I NEED THAT TITLE! How the hell am I supposed to get home, dude? I need that title in the most desperate of ways. So if I have to throw you on your butt from the top rope, don't be all sour-like with me, 'cause I'm just one dude trying to do his thing.

Just one dude trying to win some gold.

Just one dude looking to party...

And in the end, just one dude gets to leave that ring champion. So hear it loud and clear, bros...I am just that dude.

(FADE)

 

[TH]

Re: LVW High Stakes Battle Royal Rp Thread

The scene is outside Pure Nightclub for LVW's High Stakes Pre-Party. Cowboy Jimmy Donovan stands by in a silvery silk shirt, pearly white cowboy hat, black and gold patterned cowboy boots... and yes, his Mandalay Bay-mandated wrestling trunks.

JD: Yee-haw! Well ain't this grand? Not only did I done draw number 25 in the High Stakes Battle Royale, I get to be the guest of honor at this here party fer the crownin' of the new LVDubya Champion, which should be me, which will be me. Y'all know that I ain't never lost that title. And in fact, I done proved how serious I was about gettin' it back last time we were all together for an LVDubya event.

Aye-Rod may notta been the same tranny-lovin' baseball guy I met back in New York that one time, but he found out what it was like to get in the way of a man deeee-termined to get his prize possession back. I once had to fight tooth 'n nail to get my prized leopard print g-string back from a weightliftin' brothel. Them hookers ain't know what hit 'em. I think I sent their madam to the Eye-See-You. Dang if she done regretted darin' me to throw an elbow into her cooch.

So if you think that was an extreme reeeaction to a pair of skivvies, well, what do y'all think's gonna happen when I go after the thing that I done treasured more than anything else I ever had in my life? Well, I think it means that all the other twenty-nine fellers in this battle royale better watch their behinds, because I'm comin' faster than a speed addict virgin at the whorehouse for his first time. I'm hittin' harder than a weightlifter with an iron penis. There ain't nothin' that's gonna keep me from gettin' what I ain't never lost.

But now, I'm gonna go and get my partaaay on! I could wrangle myself a three way wit' Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, but I don't like gettin' it on wit' another dude. Besides, y'all know what I like doin'. AND THAT'S DOIN' HOOKERS! YEEEE-HAWWW!

Jimmy heads into the club and several shrieks are heard. I wonder why. Fade to the LVW logo.

 

[LQJT86C]

Re: LVW High Stakes Battle Royal Rp Thread

(CUTTO: JUST ONE DUDE...outside of Pure nightclub, pacing back and forth shirtless in his hemp necklace, flip flops, and blue board shorts. Raggedy blonde hair hanging down past his shoulders, growing out a beard, he kind of resembles "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski on this particular night. He's also carrying around a surfboard. We can hear screams of laughter and joy emanating from Pure; meanwhile J1D is outside and PISSED!)

J1D: Naw dude, this just ain't right! (looking at the ground, kicks around loose pieces of pavement) I'm out here looking like a total joker due to the totally NOT-awesome fact that I miss the beach so much I just wandered from my apartment out here with my gnarley surfboard hoping there would be some waves anyway...(deep breathe)...

MEANWHILE...

This BUTT-BOY called Jimmy Donovan is in there partying with all these yuppies and mega-millionaires at a brutally expensive Vegas nightclub!!! WHAT THE F*CK, BRAH?????!!!! I'm sorry for cursing, but- WHAT THE F*CK BRAH????!!!!! Did I not just completely explain to all you guys my situation? (slowly) I'm-trying-to-get-my-moped-back-to-Cali. What don't you dudes understand about that? A wave is coming right at me, I'm most definitely in the impact zone, and when this thing breaks I DO NOT wanna be wiped out, ya feel me brahlics?

(THROWS DOWN his board in a fit of anger, grabbing his hair and yelling)

DUUUUUUUUUDDDDEE????!!!!!!!

Ok, deep breaths Just One Dude, deep breaths. But how can you people at home blame me for going all out aggro when turdlicker Donnovan is in there hanging out with people who no doubt are wearing skins made in sweatshops? Maybe you should borrow my book of Gandhi quotes or something, cause like don't you totally get that materialism is getting little Chinese kids killed in Asia? (Whispers) Duuuuude....that's f*cked up!

Seriously guys, while you're at home snacking on gnarley grindage, check out my top two reasons why you all should just be friends with me, yet at the same time let me win the LVW title:

Numero Uno: I NEED TO GET HOME BRAH!!!!! HELP ME OUT!!!!

Numero Two: I would be totally down for just giving the title back in another LVW lottery battle royal next month, seeing how this one would have went totally bad-ass if you actually let me win!!!! Plus you can have my surfboard. Ahh, naw, dude, sorry, on second thought I just gotta go ahead and still bring it back with me anyway! But seriously, LVW, just do another battle royal next month!

Guess what though?

I JUST TOLD YOU THOSE TWO THINGS FOR ABSOLUTELY NOOOOO REASON DUDES!

Shyaaa! 'Cause too many people here have f*cked with me now! I was willing to just be mad at Superstupid Spade for what he did to me, and be content witholdin' my holden-caufield from only him...but now the DEAL IS OFF with the rest of you too!!!! F this, brah! All of you are getting Chill Pills and going over the top rope now, and NO ONE gets to share my spliff afterwards either!!!! And Jimmy Donovan, that ESPECIALLY goes for you, Maharashi!

It really bites that I can't be friends with any of you now, but I'm gonna cry a teary singlet like I'm the lonely Indian or something!

As for the fans, brahs, I still have much love for you dudes! You most definitely have J1D's respect and love. You guys went nuts for me, and it was bodacious in an awesome way. I'll never forget the way I was treated by LVW fans, just wish I could say the same for my co-workers! Know now, I swear on my surfboard, that if I were to win this high stakes rumble, I would not immediately vacate the title and ride my moped to Cali! At least not yet. I promise, as my reward to the most dedicated and gnarley fans in the world next to surfing fans, that I would stick around and defend the title for as long as I could without running dry of my parents' loot. I'm already dirt baggin' it as it is, so just hang tight dudes!

Man, Donovan, I really f*cking despise you right now, brah. You have some serious cojones to be in there, drinking up twenty dollar drinks while I spend that much per month in Ramen noodles and bodega burritos!

(Picks up his surfboard, begins to walk into the night, when he trips, falls, only to break the fall with his board. He gets back up and walks away unshaken)

(FADEOUT)

 

[BarryClarkJr]

Thumb repair.

(A car ride with SEVEN-TEN, a nameless driver, and a young aspiring film maker from college named Michael)

(Camera opens up to the backseat of some vehicle as Michael is sitting in the back there holding the camera panning around the car. The nameless driver obviously is driving and SEVEN-TEN Jack Hudgins is sitting in the passenger side wearing his bowling attire and his ball called 'SUPER FREAK' in his lap. Close up of SEVEN-TEN shows him sanding out the thumb hole with a small piece of sandpaper)

MICHAEL: So, Jack where are we heading today?

SEVEN-TEN: Michael, we are heading to this thing called a battle royal? Royal Rumble? I don't know but I heard the best bowlers in the world will be there. I swear to god, WALTER RAY better be there that no good son of a b*tch.

MICHAEL: I don't believe Walter Ray Williams Jr has entered. But one guy that will be there is Olvir Arsvinnar. One of many stars that will battle for the LVW World Title. What are your thoughts on Olvir.

SEVEN-TEN: Well, I don't praise Olvir what he does. He talks about the sleaze, I talk about the lanes. OH YES! I remember the smells from the lane finish, lane oil, pinsetter cleaner, smells that when mixed together were not thought as harmful….. but unique to the center. During holiday times that being high on the team won you a bottle of booze, a turkey or a ham, given away by the bowling center. I bowl for strikes not snatches. Does that answer you question Michael?

MICHAEL: Not really but good enough. What about J1D? How about him?

SEVEN-TEN: A1 Steak Sauce might be a dude. HELL! I might even be a dude, but make no mistake about it. You can frost your hair and have tan lines but you can't frost these balls or dry this oil up. We wear Dexter shoes to the lane son, no flip flops and no chapped ass.

(SEVEN-TEN stops sanding the hole as he blows into it checking the size. He keeps sticking his thumb in the ball and flicking it out making a popping noise. At the same time giving the poor driver a stare)

MICHAEL: Cowboy Jimmy Donovan!

SEVEN-TEN: We don't wear tight Wrangler jeans to the mother ship son. Basically there are two areas of concern I have with here. ONE! Performance. I don't like two fingered bowlers and any Cowboy that shows up to the dance knows they are cheaters and smell of sausage. TWO! Thinking. Cowboy hats are not permitted when SEVEN-TEN throws thunder. Take off the stupid hat before I stick it in the ball return.

MICHAEL: How about Born Again?

SEVEN-TEN: Throwing urine into peoples faces is also not permitted in the alley. If he wants to save anything, he must seek a coach. Once you have bowled several games and have a feel for the game, I think that it is very important and necessary to start looking for a Coach. Why? Improving your scores is essential in getting more enjoyment out of this great game. They don't scream HALLELUJAH! THEY SCREAM HHHAAAAAMMMM-BONE! Now Michael, I'm ready for my power nap, I have time for one more.

MICHAEL: Nake Dakota?

SEVEN-TEN: DAKOTA!? DAKOTA? WHAT?! I SAID LAS VEGAS YOU NO GOOD SON OF A B*TCH. NOBODY BOWLS IN SOUTH DAKOTA! MICHAEL YOU REALLY F*CKED ME ON THIS ONE......

(Outraged JACK HUDGINS picks up his 'SUPER FREAK' ball, gives it a kiss and throws it through the passenger window while the car is moving at 65 MPH. Cameraman/Student Michael loses his balance and falls around in the backseat with the camera rolling. You can hear JACK HUDGINS still yelling)

SEVEN-TEN: LOUSY MOTHER F*CKING ASS.......


(......FADEOUT)

 

[CaptCongaLine]

Re: LVW High Stakes Battle Royal Rp Thread

SPANIARD: "Good evening, Las Vegans!"

(FADEIN: The SPANIARD stands in front of the official banner for Las Vegas Wrestling's High Stakes. It is black with silver lettering. In his signature red and white leather mask, the SPANIARD stands tall to the camera.)

SPANIARD: "I am sure you all remember..." (arms stretch out) "...de SPANIARD!" (brief pause) "Yes, you all do. I am sure of it."

(CUTTO: Tight shot of the mask and his glistening eyes.)

SPANIARD: "For de first time in my life, I have the chance to show everyone that us Spanish will not be counted out anymore!"

(CUTTO: Potrait view. SPANIARD flexes.)

SPANIARD: "Feast your eyes on the pure genes that run through my veins; one-hundred and seventy-six percent Spanish purebred, hermanos y hermanas. That is how it is in Spain. Totally pure. Totally Spanish. All the time. Every day. No commercials."

(SPANIARD pauses for a moment. His eyes shift from side to side, pondering his next move.)

SPANIARD: "And yes, I have brought that same tenacious, ferocious..." (raises finger) "...ten-o-cious demeanor to de ring!" (arms flailing) "For you all to see and speak of at the coolers filled with the water in which you may stand next to and speak of on Mondays after weekend vacations and orgy parties..." (takes a deep breath) "You will see the Spaniard showcase the Spanish Fly style that most only dare dream of mastering. It is something in which is dangerous, yes; but necessary, no, and probably illegal, yes."

(CUTTO: SPANIARD's mask.)

SPANIARD: "For I am de Spaniard...and this is my playground."

(FTB.)

 

[PaulNJ21]

Brandon Jacobs VLog

::the camera pans in on a computer screen which is focused on a video on YouTube, an arm reaches in and grabs the mouse to press play::

BRANDON JACOBS: Hey everyone, my name is Brandon Jacobs and welcome to new Vlog! When I heard about LVW starting up, I decided to come in a month early to hit the strip and I ran into someone named Dana and he was telling me all about the joy of video blogging and how it was a great way to promote yourself and get stuff off your chest without any repercussions.

So lets talk about the big issues of the week...

It has been a week from hell. Can you believe that are some people who have the nerve not to give Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker from Wrestlemania 25 five stars? On wrestling message boards, there has been a crap storm of controversy that won't go away over Dave Meltzer & Bryan Alvarez giving the match **** ¾ just one fourth of a star short from perfection and it won't go away. The Undertaker nearly died and the crowd was going crazy and these bastards are trying to deny him his due. Maybe if they did some more flippty doos they would have gotten an additional fourth of a star. In my opinion, it was either the best or second best Mania match I have ever seen with the possible exception Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin.

Can you believe the party of hope just hired someone who offed himself? Kutner from House has joined the Obama administration as a Public Liason. He wasn't even the SECOND best doctor on House. Maybe he can reach the all important stoner demographic though who went to see Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.

Say what you will about W, but the world was a lot saner when he was in office, I turned on the news yesterday and heard a story about an American being kidnapped by PIRATES. When did pirates go from something little kids dressed as because they were a distant memory for Halloween into a serious worldwide threat? It will be a much better world when the only pirates people care about are leaking copies of terrible movies like Wolverine a month in advance.

American desperately needs some sanity which is why I've decided to join the LVW battle royal to determine the new world heavyweight champion. Now in a sane world, I'd be thrown out of this rather quickly with all the other great competitors in this, but I'm feeling lucky. The world has gone completely insane. I mean, I could actually win this thing and become the new world champion to Vic Waters absolute disgust OR if I lose, someone could partially restore sanity to this crazy world by throwing me over the top.

Either way, I'm sacrificing myself for the greater good, I just ask the wrestlers not to hurt me too badly. I have to hit the strip clubs after the show and the strippers don't like it when you bleed all over them.

Good night everyone and please watch the face!

FTB

 

[PaulNJ21]

Hooker Outreach Program


::inside of a hotel ballroom, scantly dressed women are lineup outside the room, the camera pans in to a sign which says “Hooker Outreach Program”. Women are meeting with college and vocational councilors before coming to “The Captain” David Richter's desk where he gives them a check::

THE BOSS: What are you doing David? We have a battle royal to prepare for and we are running behind schedule on PR.

RICHTER: I was in the gym at 4AM like I was for the last week and a half. I'm just behind on the PR and these poor women have to sell their bodies in order to put fishdicks in their children's mouths. I'm just giving back to Las Vegas what I can.

THE BOSS: I really do appreciate your dedication to give back to the community, but there is championship gold on the line here.

RICHTER: If I don't get women off the streets of Las Vegas, who will? Certainly not A-Rod who refuses to even talk to me before the match because he is off gambling. I vow to get all these women back onto their feet.

THE BOSS: You are a multiple time LVW World Tag Champion. This is your chance to break free of Roddick once and for all.

RICHTER: While I may not like Roddick all of the time, we are a team and I consider him a brother and we have to be united if we want to win.

THE BOSS: If it is great that you feel that way, but what about A-Rod? A-Rod is about A-Rod and it takes two to be a team. We could always get rid of him and bring in someone else.

RICHTER: What kind of attitude is that to have and who is to say the next guy would work out any better? You have to make the best out of the situation you have instead of trying to dismiss the problem on to someone else. Man up Boss.

THE BOSS: He is becoming a PR nightmare though and for what I'm paying him, I should be able to count on him to deliver in the clutch like I can count on you.

RICHTER: He is going to a shrink to deal with those performance issues and I guarantee you that this time it will be different. He has more raw talent than anyone else in this league. If he gets it all together, he'll be unstoppable and look at his physique, have you ever seen a natural physique like that in all your life? I spend hours and hours in the gym and I still can't look like he does. I guess it is just the genetics you are born with.

THE BOSS: You could be unstoppable, you spend more hours in the gym wrestling and practice your craft than anyone I know and while I know you hate praise, nobody does the fundamentals better than you.

RICHTER: I thank you for your praise but I'm only one man.

::The Boss spots an attractive looking woman coming up in the line::

THE BOSS: Tell you what, let me take over for you. You can sign the checks later.

RICHTER: You sure you can handle this?

THE BOSS: Of course I can, these women are in good hands. Go spend some time in the gym getting ready for the battle royal. I'll take care of the rest.

RICHTER: Thank you, you are the best boss a man could ask for.

::Richter heads out the door and the Boss waves goodbye, he waits until Richter is out of sight then he waves the rest of the women in and closes the door::

FTB

 

[Vertigo]

Re: LVW High Stakes Battle Royal Rp Thread

(Cut to: Born Again, sitting in an oversized chair, almost throne-like.)

Born Again: Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4. Maybe you've heard of it? You see, the problem as I understand it, is that all of these members of LVW haven't heard of it. They are not soldiers in the army of our God. They do not follow the Bible as their written law. They trained in gyms, not in the Holy Spirit.

So they are weak. They are empty and cold and sin-ridden. I offer them salvation and they deny me. But I have faith. I have the Word. I shall bring them before the power of God, even if they are kicking and screaming all the while.

Maybe I can't save them. But they are poisoning the populace. They are false idols, pulling potentially good, God-fearing men away from church and off to their fancy spandex parties. They seek to instill all that is bad in society into the social conscience. At the High Stakes Battle Royal, they'll all put on their little superhero, flamboyant costumes and continue their attacks on the sanctity of marriage. They will convince innocent children that it is okay to fight, that it is okay to swear, and that it is okay to be sexually attracted to people of the same sex! BLASPHEMERS!

But it's okay, because I do not intend on letting this happen. I will enter that ring and I will send every other person there crashing down to the floor, down to the Hell which they have earned themselves. Because, honestly, this place is worse than I thought. I thought I knew what I was getting into when I saw the fighty matches on the TV. But this LVW, it's a whole different animal.

You have porn stars here? Guys like Olvir Arsvinnar are exactly what are wrong with this country. People from far away lands where the missions of our Lord have not reached, bringing over their heathen ideals. He peddles smut with a smile on his demon face, attempting to fool you that this type of behavior is okay. But the devil wears many faces and is the master of tricks. I shall not be fooled! You shall not distract me from my mission with your whores. I have read the tale of the whore of Babylon! "And upon her forehead was a name written, 'Mystery, Babylon the Great, the mother of harlots and abomination of the Earth.'" Revelations 17:5. Whoring has destroyed lives. Whoring attempted to destroy the Church. But whoring is just another in a long line of failed attempts. Because the power of the Lord is infinite! The Word is the strength! All whores and those who perpetuate this terrible practice shall perish in the fires of hell! Hallelujah!

And then you have "Just One Dude". Right off the bat, I knew this wasn't going to be enjoyable to sit through. Not only is your name a bastardization of language, but you're a walking embodiment of all that is wrong with the youth of America today. With your rock and roll music and your "let's surf rather than read the Bible" attitude, you are desperately attempting to circumvent the will of God. But not without a fight, I say! Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins and it is something that I will not allow! Sloth destroys the human heart and lets the devil control your mind! After all, idle hands *ARE* the devil's playthings. So Born Again will not have idol hands. I shall continue my mission to heal the LVW. Because, Just One Dude, peace is a luxury that this place simply can't afford right now. When the Lord saw Sodom, did he say, "Let's just have peace?" No. He damned that place right to Hell! So it shall be with the LVW. Those can be saved will be led to the Promised Land and the rest shall be left to the rubble.

Then you have drunken cowboys, bowlers, and effeminate Spaniards. Drinking is a sin. Swearing is a sin. Bowling is a sin. BEING AN EFFEMINATE SPANIARD IS A SIN! Honestly, what is wrong with this place? Does Las Vegas intentionally breed the worst type of human being or do you people flock here to hide from the eye of God? Well, I have bad news for you. God is omnipresent. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows what terrible thoughts run through your twisted minds! Put down the alcohol, wash out your gutter mouth,....

(Born Again pauses for a second to appreciate the hilarity of the pun)

Born Again: and stop advocating poorly defined gender roles! Spaniard, you suggest that people will talk of your possibly illegal exploits at the water cooler? Nay, I tell you! For the Word is strong and the followers are strong! I say, no one shall talk at the water cooler. This is because it is unproductive heathen behavior. If they have free time, let them spend it in mass, repenting for their sins and begging for forgiveness!

Because you are all, everybody who is watching this, sinners in the hands of an angry God! And as Jonathan Edwards so aptly put it, "there is no want of power in God to cast wicked men into hell at any moment in time." You can escape the punishment of the Lord, but only through repentance and baptism in Holy Water. If you bring the broken, sinful soul yearning for the Lord, I shall provide the Holy Water.

Finally, that brings me to Brandon Jacobs. At first, I wondered whether or not Brandon Jacobs was savable. After all, his name is "no frills" and not an obvious attempt at generating an evil, cult-like following. Brandon isn't a great Christian name like John or Paul or Jesus, but it will suffice. Second, he acknowledged the fall from the Lord that this country has taken once they voted good Christian morals out of the White House. However, his sins were numerous to make me believe he shall earn salvation. First, I am unsure what "vlogging" is, so I will assume that it is some complex sexual position. Everyone knows that sex is only permissible between a husband and wife, normal-style. Normal-style of course means man on top, fully clothed, through a hole in a comforter. Secondly, not only is he openly talking about television, which is a devilbox that serves only two functions: to spread the Word of God and to corrupt the souls of men. Since this "House" character, as I understand it, is not a priest or clergyman or God-fearing Christian of any kind, it seems this use of the devilbox clearly falls into the second character. And on top of that, you're posting spoilers about what happened! Spoilers! You wish to ruin other people's enjoyment of their devilry? That's like some kind of compound sin! I mean, that's like sinning just for the sake of sinning! And why the odd obsession with wrestling anyways? Hasn't it been established on numerous occasions that wrestling is the work of the devil? Yes. It has. And yet, here you are, arguing esoteric ratings of matches? Sounds like idol worship to me if I've ever heard it. Then, you compound that by displaying anger over the rating? That's wrath, another deadly sin. Sounds like you are on a slippery slope towards the fires of hell, my child.

But rejoice!

(Cue Up: "Awesome God")

Born Again: There is still a chance at salvation! It is my responsibility as a soldier of our Lord and savior to attempt to rescue you sinners from the darkness and bring you into the Light. Will it be easy? It probably will not be. But if the Lord is with me, who the hell can be against me? As we stand here together, on Good Friday, on the eve of the rebirth of the Christ, we are reminded of how our sins can destroy the body of the Lord. However, it also exposes the futility of the work of Man, as the Christ rose again to prominence. Just as I shall do at the Battle Royal. Amen.

(Fade to black.)

 

[PaulNJ21]

Poolside with the Champ


::Aaron Roddick is sitting by the pool in a lounge chair with two sacks of money with a big $ on it while being fed grapes by half naked blonde bombshells::

RODDICK: Must I really do this interview? I'm sort of busy right now kid.

HAL (The Boss's Son): We are on the eve on the battle royal and besides for a handful of workouts, you've just been gambling and hanging out with half naked women. If the Boss knew how much debauchery was really going on, we'd both be gone for good.

::takes off shades::

RODDICK: I'm carrying this company. All the little girls are buying posters of me. I'm God.

HAL: They certainly pay you like one but even with your tag title success, you have to prove yourself as a singles performer eventually justify your paycheck especially in this economy.

RODDICK: I have the best natural talent in the company. I have the best genetics known to man. I'm going to win the LVW World Heavyweight Title. It is my destiny and Born Again is going to know what it is like to be in the ring with God when he steps into the ring with me.

HAL: You are going to have to beat the The Spaniard and Jimmy Donovan...

RODDICK: That win by Donovan was a fluke. That Texan should thankful I didn't rape him like the last Texan I did business with. If I never wrestle another day in my life, I'm still set for life. Whatever I do now is just for pocket change.

HAL: You also are going to have to beat your friend and partner “The Captain” Aaron Roddick.

::Roddick sits back for a second in thought::

RODDICK: Hal, who knows his strengths and weaknesses better than I do? We are best friends, well, most of the time and we've been team mates forever now.

HAL: He can make the same case A-Rod.

RODDICK: There is one big difference though. Look at my lifestyle, do I look concerned constantly about what other people think of me doing all these charities and such?

HAL: He doesn't do them for PR, he does them because he is a good human being.

RODDICK: Oh he is, he is... which is why when it comes to getting down and dirty, he is never going to beat me.

HAL: The reason people started calling him the Captain though was his reputation for coming through for your team in the clutch.

RODDICK: Listen, I'm sick and tired of people questioning my ability to finish things. I mean, I know I've gone cold in some inopportune times, but before that happens, I'm tearing it up in the ring more than Richter could ever hope to get the The Captain into a position where he can win it. This time at High Stakes battle royal though to crown the new champion, I'm going to finish it and make all my detractors shut up once and for all.

HAL: You sound confident.

RODDICK: I'm A-Rod and that is all that needs to be said.

:uts his shades back on and sits back in the lounge chair::

FTB

 

[LQJT86C]

Re: LVW High Stakes Battle Royal Rp Thread

(FADEIN: The casino floor at The Venetian. Women in fancy get-ups are serving drinks to overjubilant frat boys who broke the bank to fly out for a UFC event, Japanese business men as they excitedly roll dice, and collect extremely generous tips from well-dressed men who like to impress females by going "all in." A black man in 3-D shades and glitter on his face goes crazy celebrating a jackpot near the slots machines. Finally, among them all is JUST ONE DUDE..., being kindly escorted through the crowd to the Blackjack tables by the Venetian's casino manager. There's something different about J1D: he's all dressed up, looking almost like...a dealer?)

CASINO MANAGER: Don't worry, everything's gonna be fine, uh...-what did you say your name was again, young man?

J1D: You don't need a name when you're just one dude looking for adventure, yet TOTALLY willing to party along the way! But just so ya know, that's what they're calling me around these parts my good man. J1D for short, brah.

MANAGER: You don't say? Well Mr. J1D, I'll have you know that Henry Goldale is a very close personal friend of mine. Why, I had Thanksgiving dinner with him and Mrs. Goldale and their wonderful, beautiful family, oh, what was it- five, six years ago? Aaaanyway, we're all very appreciative of him bringing those LVW events back to Vegas given the harsh economic climate, and I want you to know that the Venetian will most certainly help you earn the money you need to rebuild that Crunchberry something or other so you can fly back to California or outer space or wherever you're gonna take that thing!

J1D: Haha, good thinking maharashi! But is there anything else I could do? Maybe something that involves surfing, or grindage, or the four-two-zero if you catch my drift?

MANAGER: Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second...(stops)...You told me you have experience dealing Blackjack, correct? I'd like to do a favor for one of Mr. Goldale's wrestlers, but I can't just feed you to the wolves unless I know you're legit. Now you can deal Blackjack, right? Because that's what you said...

J1D: Rellllaaaxxx dude, I got this one! Me and my bros pulled some Blackjack 360's off an acid drop and NO wipeout! It's just this getup is really bummin' me out, 'cause my goal in life is to not end up a total assclown in corporate costume threads, feel me dude?

MANAGER: Oh I completely feel you- except we have a policy here, and I'm afraid you'll just have to deal with the attire while you...deal. So are you all set for the table?

J1D: No doubt in my mind, manager dude!

MANAGER: Well I'll just leave you then, and I'll be back to check up on you in an hour. Good luck!

J1D: Killer!

(CUTTO: Approx. 55 minutes later. Everyone at the Blackjack table is absolutely ecstatic. J1D is receiving cheers every time he deals)

MAN AT TABLE: Sh*t, he's got 20. 10 and a 9 for me...screw it, hit me! ... G*DDAMN! G*DDAMN! SUNUVAB*TCH, he dealt me a 3! SO CLOSE!

J1D: Darn, brah! That was a MONDO hand you played there! 22 beats 21 by my count, guess you win again!

MAN: ...he's being serious, isn't he? Well if you insist...

J1D: OK, who wants to shuffle these gnarley cards? I keep dropping them and stuff, haha...

MAN #2: I'LL SHUFFLE!

WOMAN: This isn't right...21 beats 22, dealer! 21 is Blackjack!

(The casino manager approaches the table behind J1D)

J1D: Ahhh, it's all good, ma'am. My bro over here said he just got a new mortgage and stuff, that's killer on the wallet! Seriously dude, I want you to have these chips on my behalf.

MANAGER: WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING???!!!!

J1D: Oh hey there spud. Why the fret? I'm gettin' paid tonight, this guy's gettin' paid tonight, everybody's just having a blast!

MANAGER: That's house money you're being so overly generous with! How can you possibly expect this place to make money if you're throwing it away, hmm?

J1D: Uhhh, good point brah, but at the same time...you said before we're in an economic crisis. So it got me thinking...if we just were a little more sharing and a lot more caring, maybe we could end the crisis? I'm alll for free money brah, cuz like, I need some too!

MANAGER: You can't work here...YOU CAN'T WORK HERE! Get out! Get out!

J1D: NOT COOL, brah! Everybody was having a blast until you showed up and totally killed the vibe! This is BOGUS!

(A delivery boy holding a pizza approaches the table; the casino manager is speechless)

DELIVERY BOY: Is there a...(looks at the receipt)...Just One Dude Looking For Adventure, Yet Totally Willing To Party Along the Way, here?

J1D: That's my name, bro!

DELIVERY BOY: I have your extre large cheese pie with sausage, mushrooms, and pepperoni. That'll be $14.50.

J1D: Certainly, my good man! (Hands the boy a $100 chip) Keep the change!

DELIVERY BOY: THANK YOU!!!!!

MANAGER: What is this?! Giving away chips like that?! And why on God's green earth are you order PIZZA at the table?

J1D: Well I figured if we all get hungry, why not just munch on some gnarley grindage while I deal!

MANAGER: (stares a hole through J1D)

(CUTTO: One hour later, J1D's outside the Venetian, on the street, dressed in his usual board shorts, except he's shirtless and barefoot)

J1D: SEE???!!! This is why I'm pissed at you guys for not being cool enough to let me win big at the battle royal! I temporarily sold out to the man tonight just 'cause LVW can't pay me anything more than a $500 bonus. And lemme ask something else...what's with EVERYBODY signing up for the match and then acting like total butt-tards and ASSMUNCHES for absolutely no reason? Dude, I don't know how much longer I can take Vegas for...this place sucks! Everyone's out to make money for stupid reasons- like I need a car, I need a house, I need to be famous, I need chicks. BRAH, I just don't wanna be a squatter living outside the Nevada desert! I NEED A PLACE TO LIVE, AND RIGHT NOW THAT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MY PARENTS' PAD IN CALI!

I don't care who you dudes think you are...Nate Dakota, Jimmy Donovan, Superspade, Aaron Roddick, Born Again, that porn star from Iceland...I'm none of that, cause I'm JUST ONE DUDE looking to re-power his fuel-efficient Crunchberry powered moped in hopes of returning home to a hero's welcome! I'm too down to earth and cool with the fans to lose to a bunch of materialistic bungholes who insist on treating me with absolutely no respect; I'm your brosef, young ones!

And by the way, I have but one thing to say to Born Again. Dude, Jesus may be dope in his own respect, but Buddah is way gnarlier! So you can totally eat it, and so can that buttmunch Jimmy Donovan! J1D's hittin' the hay at the overnight, bros. Peace out, even though I'm kind of hatin' on you right now!

(FADEOUT)

 

[RStrawsma]

VP 008 - Odin's Orgy: Part 2

"Hey... kid... you alright?"

Iggy Dorkjanker
...hhuuuhhh..??

(From black, we go to blurred vision that slowly comes into focus. The POV is from the ground, looking up into the concerned face of Tommy Salami.)

Tommy Salami
I said are you alright?

(We cut to Tommy's perspective, which shows a flush-faced Iggy lying flat on his back, his glasses strewn clumsily over his face.)

Iggy Dorkjanker
...w... where am I?

Tommy Salami
Dang, kid... you were only out for a couple minutes! You already forget we're standing in the middle of the Ass-Pound Capital of the World??

(We cut to a shot of Iggy still lying on the floor, Tommy kneeling over him. The dazed talent representative looks around to see various crew members tearing down light and camera equipment.)

VALHALLA PRODUCTION COMPANY​

Presents​

Iggy Dorkjanker
...w... w-what happened?

Tommy Salami
What happened? Oh, I'll TELL you what happened! Something UNBELIEVABLE just happened! And let me tell you, kid, that this is going to make me MILLIONS!!

Iggy Dorkjanker
Huh...??

Tommy Salami
I gotta tell you, kid... I've been in this line of work for years, but what I just saw sets a new standard that I NEVER thought could be reached!

That crazy Viking... he's REALLY done it this time!

Olvir Arsvinnar
HA HA HA HA!!

OLVIR ARSVINNAR​

In​

(The trumpeting sound of hearty laughter causes Salami to shoot to his feet as he's approached by none other than "THE BUTT-DOMINATOR" Olvir Arsvinnar, just walking off the set and adorned only in his trademark Viking helmet and his purple velvet robe. He bears a glaze of sweat that indicates the recent undertaking of a great feat. Even so, he bears the inane smile that almost never leaves his maddened face.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
ONCE AGAIN, the GREAT OLVIR savors the taste of VICTORY! Savor with me, Salami Man!

Tommy Salami
Olvir, BABE, what you just did was--

(Before he can react, Olvir sticks two of his sausage-sized fingers beneath Salami's nose, and the director inhales so deep, his toupee nearly flips on his head.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
SAVOR!! SAAAAVOOORRRR!! HA HA HA HA!!

Tommy Salami
My GOD, Olvir! You've got the BASKIN-ROBBINS OF POONTANG on those fingers! ALL of the 31 VARIETIES!!

Olvir Arsvinnar
HA HA HA HA!! INDEED!!

"ODIN'S ORGY: PART 2"​

Iggy Dorkjanker
Um... Mr. Arsvinnar, sir?

(Olvir looks around, perplexed. He's not aware of the source of the voice. He's also not aware that he's standing directly over the prone body of his talent representative, who looks up in between the exposed thick, hairy legs of the Viking Lothario with an expression that borders between horror and fascination.)

Iggy Dorkjanker
I hate to interrupt your conversation, but I think your ball sweat is dripping on me.

(Olvir finally notices the meager man before him and instantly looks delighted.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
PUNY IGNATIUS THE DORK-YANKER!!

(Effortlessly, the Viking bends over, takes ahold of Iggy's shoulders in his massive hands, and sets him upright. It takes a moment longer for the LVW talent representative to regain his balance.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
TELL ME, feeble one... what did you THINK of the GLORIOUS ACT of ANAL CONQUEST you just witnessed??

Iggy Dorkjanker
Uhm... sorry, I'm still trying to figure out what happened. I think I... blacked out.

(Tommy pats the young man on the shoulder.)

Tommy Salami
Actually, kid, before any of the action could begin, you started wailing like a little girl and tripped yourself on the boom cable as you tried running to the bathroom to squeeze in a whack job.

Iggy Dorkjanker
Oh... I guess that's why my head is throbbing.

Olvir Arsvinnar
You and me both! HA HA HA HA!!

But in all seriousness, Yanker of Dorks... your utter lack of CONSTITUTION for my NOBLE and GOD-LIKE art of FORNICATION brings me some worry! Naturally, what I do is too much for some people to withstand... but those same people are WEAK and MEAGER, mere FOOLS who are better off being DECAPITATED!!

Iggy Dorkjanker
Dang, Olvir... I'm sorry to have let you down. I mean, yeah, I watched a lot of your porn before, but... I guess whatever it was you were doing was just way too INTENSE and HARDCORE for even a regular fan like ME to handle it!

Tommy Salami
You missed out big time on a front row seat of the action, kid. But hey, no worries. Donny the grip got a bit too close and is still trying to wipe the taste of Olvir's mayonnaise out of his mouth.

Olvir, babe... you take a breather. Believe me, buddy, you've EARNED it this time. You let me wrap this up.

Olvir Arsvinnar
VERY WELL, Salami Man! Your praise PLEASES the Great Olvir in ways that only the noble female ARSE and a CASE OF BEEF JERKY can!

(Tommy turns away from his star attraction and starts giving orders to the crew as they continue to tear down the set. Meanwhile, Olvir's MASSIVE hand claps Iggy across the back with enough force that it almost knocks him over.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
COME, puny Ignatius! You shall see the CASUALTIES of my GLORIOUS WARPATH!!

(The towering Viking leads the much shorter talent rep over to the stage where, indeed, the casualties lie strewn about every which way in all varieties of angles. We can see a gaping hole in the flimsy backdrop from which a pair of female legs are sticking out. Olvir approaches one of the actresses, dressed in a skimpy black lingerie two-piece and... a WIMPLE?!)

Olvir Arsvinnar
Gaze now upon this noble woman of the CLOTH!!

Iggy Dorkjanker
Jeez, Olvir, you banged a NUN?!

Olvir Arsvinnar
OF COURSE!! Even the sacred house of the PUNY CHRISTIANS is not safe from my LUSTFUL WRATH!

Iggy Dorkjanker
You could piss off a lot of fundamentalist groups for saying something like that.

Olvir Arsvinnar
BAH!! The GREAT OLVIR fears no MEAGER FUNDAMENTALISTS!! Take, for example, THIS wench!

(She turns her head around, and Iggy almost recoils when he sees her mouth hanging wide open at an unnatural angle. It looks like a horrible case of lockjaw.)

Iggy Dorkjanker
Man, Olvir! What happened to her MOUTH?!

Olvir Arsvinnar
My thoughts exactly, Yanker of Dorks! INCESSANTLY, this SACRED WHORE would CHIDE my Greatness on the depravity of my LUSTFUL ZEAL!! Her mouth was like a SPIGOT, always pouring an endless steam of nonsense about "Sodomites" and "whoring!" It was quite a BOTHER for my all-hearing ears!

Iggy Dorkjanker
So what did you do?

(His eyebrows bouncing, Olvir takes a handful of his own crotch.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
I SILENCED her... by giving her something to PLUG UP that gaping hole of a mouth! HA HA HA HA!!

(Olvir leads him further down the bed to an actress in a flower print shirt and a hemp necklace.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
THIS particular maiden presented another problem! In this case, it was not the great Olvir's EARS that were under assault, but rather his NOSE!! There was an ODOR about her supple loins... an odor that faintly reminded me of the FREYA WEED that your kinsman Erik the Black was fond of!

Iggy Dorkjanker
So the smell was bad... how did you get around it?

(Again, the grin broadens on Olvir's face.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
I PERMEATED her voluptuous form with a NEW fragrance...

POON-CHOULI!! HA HA HA HA!!

Hear me WELL, Ignatius... this doe-eyed vixen has gone from kicking her meager hacky-sacks to LICKING my MIGHTY NUT-SACK!! HA HA HA HA!!

(They move on, now approaching a striking young girl adorned with a cowboy hat and a lasso around her shoulder. Iggy seems to recognize her.)

Iggy Dorkjanker
Is that... PIXIE? I didn't think she had multiple roles in this feature!

Olvir Arsvinnar
BAH!! Open your FOOLISH eyes, Ignatius! Can you not see that this is Pixie's TWIN SISTER... TRIXIE?!

Trixie the Cowgirl
Well howdy again, longhorn! Were ya'll fixin' for another rodeo?

Olvir Arsvinnar
HA HA HA HA!! Take my word for it, meager Dork-Yanker... this woman is the EXPERT at REVERSE COWGIRL!

Iggy Dorkjanker
Well, yeah, I kinda figured that, given she's a cowgirl and all.

Olvir Arsvinnar
Of ALL the women I have thus conquered, only THIS maiden could be STRONG and VIGOROUS to withstand my UNYIELDING GLORY the longest! Her ride upon my NOBLE PHALLUS was an HONOR, to say the very least! No doubt, if it were my time, I would have BURNED AN EMPIRE just for a MERE WHIFF of her noble anus!

Trixie the Cowgirl
Well, shee-YUCKS, Olvir! You sure know purty well how to flatter this lil' prairie girl!

Olvir Arsvinnar
The caress of your SUPPLE SPHINCTER upon my THROBBING MJOLNIR put me in VALHALLA, noble wench of the kine!

(His attention is turned from the seductively grinning cowgirl to the slight tugging at his robe, coming from Iggy.)

Iggy Dorkjanker
But Olvir... was all this really necessary in order to prepare for the High Stakes Battle Royale?

Olvir Arsvinnar
OF COURSE, foolish Ignatius! Naturally, only MY ALL-KNOWING and OMNISCIENT MIND can understand the BRILLIANCE behind this glorious act! As I have emerged VICTORIOUS here, so too shall I conquer all those who stand before me in the noble arena of Mandalay Bay! Many have converged upon this Lost City of Vegas in hopes to be crowned its KING... but only the STRONGEST, FIERCEST, and HORNIEST of men should take such a claim!

I intend to be that very man! As with these wenches you see before you, my foes all bring GRIEF to my infallible senses with their WEAK and MEANINGLESS words! Only in their case, they won't be DOMINATED by my MIGHTY LOINS...

Iggy Dorkjanker
And we can all be thankful of that.

Olvir Arsvinnar
...but instead by my MIGHTY FISTS!!

Iggy Dorkjanker
Well, Olvir... if you can wrestle as well as you can f*ck, then I wouldn't be surprised at all to see you as the next Las Vegas Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion!

Olvir Arsvinnar
Yes... CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!! ONLY THEN will I have TRULY conquered ALL there is to be CONQUERED!

(Olvir turns his attention to the assembly as a whole. Even now, some are just now waking up, trying to remember where they're at, and wondering about the cause of that sharp pain in their asses.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
HERE ME NOW, NOBLE WENCHES!!

When you have all finally overcome the INEVITABLE SWOONING brought upon by my great loins, you must return to the Great Olvir's longboat! Though I have righteously TRIUMPHED over you all in this but one battle, the WAR I ceaselessly wage upon YOUR NOBLE BUTTOCKS continues! HA HA HA HA!!

(Without warning, he plucks up Trixie the Cowgirl over his shoulder and bounds through the exit doors. Iggy hurries after him.)

Iggy Dorkjanker
Hey, Olvir! Wait up! You think you could give me some tips at--

(WHUMP!! Without warning, Iggy trips and falls face-first on the floor, knocking himself out cold. Fade to black.)

 

[LQJT86C]

This title is WICKED COOL, but I have to LEAVE!

(CUTTO: Film replay of J1D outside of Pure nightclub, barefoot with his surfboard)

J1D: I promise, as my reward to the most dedicated and gnarley fans in the world next to surfing fans, that I would stick around and defend the title for as long as I could without running dry of my parents' loot.

(STATIC)

(CUTTO: J1D, in the present, laying back in his beanbag with the red and silver LVW Championship belt on his shoulder. In his hand is a bag of Frito Lays, as he stuffs them into his mouth and eventually holds the bag up to his face, pouring them down the hatch. Wiping crumbs from his beard, he holds the belt up and kisses the diamond-encrusted LVW spinner)

J1D: What's happening dudes? How AWESOME is it that I won that battle royal? This belt is beyond my wildest dreams, yet at the same time, I knew I could pull off the big kahuna when it really came down to it! And check out the gnarley spinner.. (taps it with his finger, making it spin) ...how haggard is this belt, brah?

Dudes, this has GOT TO BE the proudest moment in my entire life, prolly since the outlet store named me employee of the month. Yeah, in the end it wound up being a print error that put my name on the certificate, but for a good month everyone who mozied on into that store thought J1D was the man to see when you want to purchase some wicked threads!

Annnyway, I wanted to take this most excellent moment to address the fans who stood behind me eight thousand percent of the way. This title belongs to YOU, brah, you earned it! I'm just your most humble servant, trying to make his way in the world and perhaps smoke a few bowls while I do it. If it wasn't for LVW fans, the coolest people I have ever met EVER, I prolly wouldn't even have the motivation to get out of bed in the morning, except for when I need to smoke up and get a sip of agua now and then.

With that said though dudes, I really have to apologize. I know I said I would stick around and defend the title as long as I could until I ran out of my folks' money, but uh, the thing is...I TOTALLY ran out of their money! No, serious dudes, between winning the belt and and standing outside Circus Circus emploring people to give me their recyclable bottles, I made just enough money to rebuild my moped and buy two months' supply of Fritos, Corn Chips, and Extreme Doritos, nacho flavor.

PLUUUSSSS, (pulls out a letter) check this out. "Dear Son. Congratulations on winning your first LVW match, and being given a shot at the title. We know you can do it, and have faith in you. Your mother and I are impressed that you've been able to take care of yourself in Nevada. It's quite obvious that you'll no longer be needing our financial assistance, and we look forward to seeing you during the holidays. We are glad that you've learned to be independent and self-sufficient (after all, you're almost 30). Take care, and don't gamble...love mom and dad."

I call BOGUS dude! My dad's being way stingy, and doesn't wanna give me any more money! Weed isn't cheep in this economy brah, how do you expect me to live???? And when my parents find out I actually won the belt, then they're DEFINITELY not sending me any more coin! Dudes...I need to get home pronto! Take out food is mad expensive here, so is the weed, and worst of all...NO beachcombing cause there aren't any beaches!

Man, I really want to stay, but I feel like I have no choice but to leave. I'm the champion now, I did what I came here to do, what else is there left to accomplish? But don't bug out on me, J1D still supports the world's most brahlic fans ever, and I fully intend on making the next show, winning my final match, and saying farewell to my fans the RIGHT WAY. That's right, I'm inviting you all to a party in my lockerroom, where we'll stay up all night grinding on bagel bites and doing bong hits! And everybody gets to take a turn spinning this awesome belt, most definitely.

Before I depart here bros, I just want to say that I'm glad you got a true brahlic representing you as champion, and not one of the other posers who do NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART! I'm not the guy who's out there telling you what God to believe in (there are a bunch of gnarley ones to choose from!), I'm not out partying at some superficial club that none of you were invited to. My rule is, if everyone's not invited, then J1D's not invited! My world is non-exclusive, buds. This belt isn't even my belt, it's everyone's belt.

So when I go out there, win my last match and say farewell, I'm gonna do it as a representative for all the J1Dudes out there whose good will helped us win this belt. That's right, us. And no matter how much money my parents don't send me, I'll always remember that this bodacious wave is being ridden by a community of gnarley people, and I'm just happy to be along for the ride. Because like I've been saying brah: all I am is just one dude looking for adventure, yet totally willing to party along the way!

(FADEOUT)

 

[The Great Eye]

Elimination Series Round 1

All Rp Here

 

[The Great Eye]

Lord's Rules: Born Again Vs The Spaniard

All Rp here

 

[The Great Eye]

Olvir Vs Hans

Rp Here

 

[The Great Eye]

Non Title J1D Vs The Captain

Rp Here.